Chapter Text
When it becomes time for the two to complete the second half of the bargain, both find themselves not wanting to go. Takemichi knows that he’s doing this because he doesn’t want to abandon everyone. He doesn’t want people to worry about him. He wants to see his friends. And, he loves them all so much, too much to leave them like this.
Takemichi wasn’t sure how long he was going to stay there, he didn’t know if he was going to explain anything to them. He just knew that he needed to be back. Mikey stared at him, he looked like he was trying to be strong. “How does me being gone really effect you?” Mikey stiffens.
“Well, I’ll crave you back until you’re here. Depending on how long you’re gone, my other form might come searching for you, I’ll be much more prone to turning feral in general, and when you come back i might claim you again.” Mikey decided to tell the truth as nicely as he could.
“How is it normally supposed to go?” Takemichi just had a thousand questions today.
“Well, normally the mates would stay close together the entire time, and wouldn’t be bothered by others. Usually mates use this time as a honeymoon of sorts. Claiming is like the equivalent of marriage. So think of me as a lovesick bride Takemitchy! Think of me as your bride you abandoned after the wedding!” Mikey stood all the way up stretching his limbs and then collapsing back onto Takemichi. “I’ll miss you…” he muttered into his skin.
“I’m sorry Mikey… It doesn’t sound like it’ll be fun for you. I’m sorry there wasn’t a better way.” Takemichi held on tight to him.
“There were probably ten thousand better ways, but I think I liked biting you the best.”
Both boys knew they’d have to get up. Takemichi has spent more time on the ground here than he has in his life, and the quicker he gets this over with the quicker he can come back. He gathers his things, or rather, his clothes he came here with. He turns to Mikey, and he kisses him. Mikey kisses back, and then holds Takemichi in his arms before he has to leave. As he begins to let go, Takemichi holds him harder.
“I love you…” he grips on the clothes in his hands harder.
“Just… get back soon, okay?”
Takemichi is off on his way. He’s being guided out of the forest by a wolf. His fur is black, silky smooth black, it shines bright in the glimpses of sun between the trees. He would like to pet him if he didn’t look seriously grumpy and have a row of very very sharp teeth. His eyes are amber, almost yellow, and it dawns on him that he reminds him of Baji.
“Baji?” and the wolf looks back at him while walking. So Baji can turn into, whatever this is. Good to know.
The way back feels longer and longer now that he’s actually walking it. It feels insane that Mikey was able to do this so fast. They’ve been walking for about thirty minutes and he still feels as if he’s in the same spot as before. The forest is endless. Trees upon trees. Shades of all green and yellow and brown. He keeps his eyes on Baji as the wolf keeps a medium pace.
Takemichi is hungry.
The more and more and more and even more they walk he gets reminded of that. He has little to no energy to keep on moving. His feet hurt, and so does his back, and his hips as well. He feels like an old man, with all these aches in his bones, despite the fact that he’s only seventeen.
The more the walk is silent, and the more his stomach begins to growl, the more Takemichi stares. The more he starts to think. He thinks about Mikey. How they’re basically the equivalent of married, and how Takemichi himself is kind of stupid. Mikey is pretty, anyone could see that, he has dark lashes that lead you into his dark eyes, tanned skin from living outside thats covered with lean muscle. He has plump lips despite the fact they’re not that big. He is beautiful. He knows that if Mikey were raised in his place, he would have no trouble getting a wife, or being the son his parents deserved. Not that that’s saying much, Takemichi kind of sucked in the son department.
Mikey would be an interesting human. Sure, maybe he was a normal human at one point, but he was always raised by wolves. Takemichi was curious to think of how he would be if he was in his shoes. If Mikey would’ve earned all the things he never could. Then, he thought about if he was raised by wolves. Takemichi smirked, and let out a breathy chuckle. Baji looked back at him.
“If I lived here from birth, what do you think I’d be like?” Baji stopped and starred at him. he gave him a look that said “Dude, seriously.” and then continued to walk. “I’m assuming that look means you can’t talk, and not that you think it’s a stupid question. Because really if you think about it, it’s not stupid! It’s actually a pretty good question. For starters I’d probably be a lot less clean, maybe i’d be stronger, and I wouldn’t have to walk all this way!! So suck that, Baji.”
Takemichi did not know what Baji was thinking, but if he had to guess, it would be “Why did Chifuyu favor this guy?”, and Takemichi would be correct. Although he wouldn’t know that Baji is currently in trouble with Chifuyu, and that the wolf form is because he’s so pissed that he can’t stabilize his emotions since his mate is giving him the silent treatment. Takemichi didn’t need to know that, because if he did then all he would do is walk 30 minutes back to the place, and talk sternly to Chifuyu. Chifuyu would maybe listen, or he would get even more mad that Takemichi got involved in Baji’s screw up, and now is wasting more of his own time. Baji decided to not suffer the wrath.
“Anyways… I think that if i were raised by wolves, i’d be a whole different person. For starters, i’d have long hair like most of you guys. I’d know a heck of a lot more about well… most things probably. I don’t even know a lot now. But I’d also be, well, I’d be with Mikey right now probably. Unless we had to switch in that case he’d be schmoozing my parents perfectly and then they’d finally get the perfect son. Not just, this black sheep.” Takemichi laughs after saying all that. Not the funny laugh, but the laugh after you’ve said too much and you just want to crawl up into your skin. Baji continued to walk, seemingly unbothered.
Takemichi decided that he should stop talking.
Instead, he focused on step after step after even more steps. It wasn’t too long before they made it. Takemichi was at the door of his home, and Baji was already making his way off. Takemichi was home, in his empty, white home. With his dirty clothes, and his marked neck. He felt lonely, but it was more than that. He was right back where he started. His friends were probably worried sick, but in his huge house, it all seemed the exact same. If he wanted to, he could convince himself that it was all a dream. A really, really good one.
More than anything though, Takemichi was hungry. He started to grab whatever he could, stuffing his mouth full of anything that would make him feel less ravenous. He made a mess of the kitchen, and he couldn’t find it in himself to care about the mess, despite the fact he knew if his mom were here, she’d get onto him about being such a slob. But she’s not here, and as mentioned before, he doesn’t care. After shoving half the stored food in his mouth he begins to recognize how tired he feels, despite the fact all he’s done is sleep. He wants to sleep in his own bed, with his own blankets, on a mattress with his fan.
KNOCK KNOCK… KNOCK!
Takemichi recognized that knock, it was the knock that Koko used all the time.
KNOCK KNOCK!
Takemichi knocked back, “Hanagaki?! Is that you” he heard from beyond the door. Ah, that’s right, he’s back to being a Hanagaki. “Yes, it’s me Koko. I’ll let you in now.” unlocking the door, he’s greeted to the familiar side shave of his tutor, who’s wide eyes are starring at him even wider. “Where the hell were you?? I thought you ran away!” Koko is checking all over him, assuring himself that the boy is okay, and then he feels the scarring on the back of his neck.
“Takemichi… what is this…?”
Shit.
“Um, you know how the woods are haha! I, um, I uh, I got bit by a, um, spider ?” Koko didn’t buy his lie.
“So, you met them.”
What?
“What do you mean Koko…?”
Koko deeply inhaled, held his breathe, and then exhaled. He sat down, and then patted the cushion next to him. Takemichi could do without another convoluted explanation, but it doesn’t seem as if he’s getting that. He lets out a sigh, and sits down next to him.
Koko tugs down the collar of his shirt, and moved his hair out of the way to show him the nape of his neck. Oh. That wasn’t convoluted at all. So Koko was mated as well. Oh. So Koko knew about these wolf people. Oh. Oh! Oh?
“Why are you here then? Why don’t you live there? Who was it? How did that even happen? What?” Takemichi was racking his brain. Trying his hardest to make sense of anything.
“I could ask you all the same questions, Hanagaki. But we both know that it’s complicated. Living two lives only causes pain for those around you, you have to pick one.”
Surprisingly, this doesn’t hurt as much as Takemichi had expected, it stings to be told that you can’t have your cake and eat it too, but he hasn’t been eating cake for years. Realistically, he knew that coming back here when he feels like it wasn’t going to work, it was just easier to tell himself that. Takemichi was just like that, he would let himself believe something if it made him feel better, even if it was impossible. It did in fact make him feel better. It made him feel good even. He knew that he was actually leaving behind everything he’s grown up with. Everyone he’s grown up with.
“I guess you can see what I picked. I don’t regret it Takemichi, and whatever you pick, know that I was there too, with the same struggles as you. To stay with what you know, or see if the grass is greener on the other side. I know that your life here hasn’t been the greatest but… you’re wonderful Takemichi. Remember that.”
That was some deep shit! Really, if Takemichi gave out awards and stuff like that, he would surely gift one to Koko. But Takemichi didn’t. So he just stared. In truth, he had never been told that he was wonderful, he didn’t even know that people still used the word wonderful. Hearing it from Koko, someone he loves, someone who was once everything to him. It didn’t change a single thing. He didn’t feel worse, and he definitely didn’t feel better, he just felt okay. He felt like, yeah I am pretty wonderful! “Thank you, Koko. Thank you for checking on me. Thank you for being kind to me.”
And that was really all Takemichi had to say.
This wasn’t supposed to feel weird. This was supposed to be the hardest decision he’s ever made in all of his life. This was supposed to leave him feeling empty, like a big part of his life, his soul, his happiness, was being left behind. Abandoned. But he didn’t feel that way. He wondered if maybe that was because he wasn’t really happy here. Takemichi had always dreamt of running away, leaving everything behind, and becoming his own person, making his own family, and more importantly, making his own happiness. Takemichi assumed this would happen once he was assigned a wife, and sent off. Then he would have to decide if he should stay, or if he should go. Be a good boy and please his family, or experience the freedom of never having to make a single soul happy.
It was no longer a hard choice.
People actually liked him, granted that he had people here who did. But it was always the question of do they like Takemichi, or do they like Hanagaki? Here, with Mikey, there was no such question. They all liked Takemichi. Mikey really liked him.
He feels bad that he’s ditching his friends from forever. That his loyalties switched in the blink of an eye. He does that, going from favorite person to favorite person. Regardless, he can’t find it in himself to stop doing it.
Will he do this to Mikey next?
Would he continue to go from person to person?
Would he start getting unreasonable with him? Demanding every hour of his time to be dedicated to him?
Would he? Would he? Would he? Would he?
He had no clue, or maybe it wasn’t that he had no clue, he didn’t wanna know. This couldn’t be anything but perfect, he wasn’t going to focus on the bad stuff. He was going to focus on the good things, like how happy he would be with Mikey, how he would be living a new and exciting life. What person can say they live surrounded by wolves? What person can say that they have a soulmate? What person can say that they were dragged out to the middle of nowhere by this wolf boy and met his family? Well, maybe pack is a better word, since they’re wolves. Is it weird to have a wolf boyfriend…? Are they boyfriends??? Is Takemichi committing heinous acts????
This is what happens when he thinks too much, so Takemichi resigns himself to not thinking at all.
“I can tell that you’re thinking a lot, I know this must be difficult.”
“That’s the thing Koko, this is probably the easiest choice I've made in my whole life. I thought I’d stay here for a week, say my goodbyes, gather my things, reminisce on my life here, cry about it, and then walk into the woods reluctantly. Or, I’d realize somehow that I have too much to lose to start all over, and I’d stay here forever, which didn’t seem possible. Now, I feel like I should just gather my things, say my goodbyes and leave.”
Koko gives Takemichi this look. It’s a look that can’t be described, you’d only understand the look if you’ve been on the receiving end of the look. It’s almost like the look says “Oh honey.” in seven different tones of voice at the same time. “You’ve really got it bad, huh?” Koko smiles, “I hope I’ll see you again Takemichi, maybe I should take my time and face the demons I’ve let lay alone in the woods.” Takemichi smiles back, “I’m sure they’d be happy to hear that.” Koko looks distant, “I’m sure he would…” Koko waves his goodbyes, and Takemichi waves back.
One down, four to go.
Takemichi travels up to his room, taking a bag and picking out his favorite outfits, his most comfortable outfits, some toiletries that he’s sure they would definitely not offer there, an extra pair of shoes, and some of the things his best friends gave him. This included a letter from all of them, when Takemixhi was so grounded that he drove himself insane so they wrote to him to cheer him up. They still cheered him up to this day. The bracelets that they all made that he was never allowed to wear because it was too feminine, and he already acted girlish enough. He puts those on his wrist, two for each one. One the trashy red that Akkuns hair was. Another yellow and orange, Takuya made that one, everyone made fun of him because it looked like shit. The one Yamagishi made was pink and red and white, everyone kept cooing at him about how cute it was, and how cute he was. By the end of it he had a blush on his face and a big huge pout, which only made it worse because now he looked even cuter. Makoto wanted to make penises on his, but they ended up looking like long bunnies, or as he said, pointy balls. He packed the hair clips Akkun got him that he told him would make him “about 200 percent smarter, and that’s a Sendō promise!” it didn’t. Takemichi remembers telling him his family promises must be shit, and they both laughed so hard they forgot everything that was going on.
So this was reminiscing, he still ended up having that stage. His friends were pretty great, no, are pretty great. He’s definitely going to miss them. It’s a tough choice leaving them behind, but he knows they would understand, maybe they could even come visit him? He doesn’t know how any of this is going to work. They deserve a goodbye, they deserve a better goodbye than what he’s going to give them.
Takemichi is abandoning people, and it makes him feel like his parents. He hates it. It makes him remember how he used to wonder why they couldn’t ever stay with him, why he didn’t play with his parents like all the other kids did. He doesn’t want his friends to feel that way, he knows what he’s doing is selfish, and that while he’s trying to minimize hurt, not everyone is Koko. Not everyone will understand.
But being selfish isn’t a bad thing. We cannot always be selfless, sometimes we have to take. Sometimes our selfishness hurts others, but leaves us the happiest we’ve ever been. Takemichi hopes that this is the case for him. Probably more than he’s ever hoped in his life.