Chapter Text
She spent the rest of her life without Clara, except suddenly she didn't. One morning she woke up and the Doctor’s final visit was gone from her mind. Except she didn't know that, all she felt was a shift, like something very little but very big has changed.
And then Clara visited again, hurtling back into Jane’s life at full speed. Except this time, she didn't have the Doctor in tow, but a girl, a girl she called Ashildr and who called herself Me, and Clara was there but there was something missing behind her eyes. When she pulled Clara behind a closed door, away from the prying - and undeniably curious - eyes of Ashildr, she realised what was gone; the fingers that she wrapped around Clara’s wrist didn't feel a pulse. Her eyes widened, and Clara shrugged, like it was nothing, pulling Jane in for a kiss, her mouth on Jane’s like she was dying - and when Clara explained, she realised how right she was.
Clara told her everything that night, Jane curled up next to her, their fingers intertwined. She told her how she was supposed to die, how the Doctor saved her and cheated time and death and reality itself, and Jane felt jealous for a moment, before Clara kissed her again, kissed her until her head span and her body felt weak underneath her.
And then she told her how the Doctor sacrificed everything, how she has a time machine and a companion and an infinity of time in between one heartbeat and the next, and how she’s going back to Gallifrey, back to die - but the long way around.
“But the long way around can be as long as I want,” she said. “I can stay with you. For as long as you want me to stay with you. Forever, if you want. Ashildr can wait. She’s waited a billion years. She can wait-”
But she stopped, her face twisting. Jane realised what she was going to say.
“You're from the future, Clara. You know how long I have left.”
Clara paused for a second. “I can't tell you, Jane. But if you want me, I’ll stay with you until then.”
Jane didn't answer, just pulled her in, hands pulling Clara in, tangling in her hair and clinging to her like she was never letting her go again.
--
When Clara first met Jane, Jane was 21. When Clara returned, promising never to leave again, Jane had just turned 23 - still younger than Clara, and more in love than ever.
In 1802, when Jane was 27, after they moved to Bath, there began to be talk of the mysterious woman that lived with the Austens and never seemed to stray far from the younger Miss Austen’s side. The name Clara was on everyone’s lips, and Jane hated it, so Jane accepted a marriage proposal, determined to make society forget her.
And it works - when Jane rescinds her acceptance the next morning, it is all anyone can talk about, and Clara is forgotten.
In 1804, Jane was finally the same age as Clara, and it breaks Clara’s heart - the knowledge that all she can do is stand still and all Jane can do is move.
In 1805, Jane’s father died. He called her into his room, a few days before his death, his face urgent. As he held on to her hand, he told her that he loved her, that he had come to love her friend Clara like a daughter - and, when she opened her mouth, told her that he knew, that that was why he had left the ministry.
Four years later, they moved to Chawton, away from the prying eyes of society in Bath, and they - the Austens that remained and Clara - retreated into themselves, more solitary, but perfectly happy as they were. Jane wrote, and wrote, and wrote, and at night, she would read what she had written to Clara, her ink-stained fingers trailing mindlessly up and down Clara’s arms, until they both fell asleep, paper discarded, arms wrapped around each other.
When Sense and Sensibility was published, it was Clara who persuaded her, who cheered her on when she was tired, or lost in words. It was a success, and Clara had never seen Jane smile like that, except late at night in her arms. After this came Pride and Prejudice, and Clara was able to see the publication of her favourite book, with the knowledge that it had been her who had sat by Jane as she wrote the last lines, as she edited and picked and pruned and grew the story Clara knew so well from the foundations of the draft she had finished just before she first met Clara.
After that was Mansfield Park, a year later, and the critics ignored it but the public didn't, and Clara could see that that was all Jane needed. After Emma was published, however, Jane’s health began to decline, and when she saw the sadness in Clara’s eyes, Jane knew. So she didn't let it faze her: she kept writing for as long as she could, and Clara stayed by her, always. She stayed with her during the day and she stayed with her at night, and when Jane got especially tired, she would stay with her in bed through the day, talking to fill gaps that Jane couldn't, talking of everything, of the wonders that she’d seen - in space and in Jane’s eyes, and the legend Jane became. Jane would smile as Clara stroked her hair, and when she fell asleep it would be a relief.
Clara went with Cassandra and Henry when they took Jane to Winchester in April 1814, but by then it was too late, and Clara watched as she faded away, something she had always known would happen but hadn't quite accepted.
In her last days, Jane could hardly keep her eyes open, but when she did, only Clara could make her smile. And when she smiled, she talked, told Clara not to mourn her too long, but to publish the books she hadn't managed to, and then to leave, and see more of the worlds she had always described to Jane.
And so she did. When Jane died, it was a punch in the gut, like something bad been ripped away from her, but she didn't shut down like she had with Danny. She couldn't let herself - she owed Jane that at least. Ashildr arrived back almost the day Jane died, 15 years having given her more than enough time to build up her own empire in Regency England - for the second time. Jane stayed long enough to be sure Jane’s remaining books would be published, and then she left, in the middle of the night, sneaking away to a TARDIS she hadn't touched in a decade and a half. And when she left with Ashildr, determined to see just a bit more of the world before going back, she never forgot about Jane, about the life she had built and grown with her, because in the end it was sad, but it was beautiful, too.