Chapter Text
So that first day of sitting beside Maya was pretty awkward. It was inevitable really, after the ridiculously embarrassing event that led to it. I didn’t know whether to talk to her, or tell her my name, or what to do. I mean, I was pretty sure she knew my name from going to the same high school, but it’s not like we really talked, so was it right for me to just assume that she knew my name? But if I told her my name, there was the possibility that she would just look at me in confusion and say “Yeah I know, we went to the same high school.” It was a tricky situation for me. Well, probably not that tricky, but the impression I made on this girl meant everything to me, and I didn’t want to mess it up. I just wanted her to like me.
What ended up happening was none of the above. We both sat, listened to the lecture, and didn’t say a word to each other. I was really hoping that she might say something, anything, but she didn’t, and then neither did I. I chickened out. Looking back it was probably the right decision anyways – just being next to her already set my nerves on fire, and I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had heard her beautiful voice again.
That was the first day I sat beside Maya Hart. The next class, as usual I was doubting everything about myself, so I wasn’t sure whether or not Maya would think it was weird for me to sit beside her again. I did sit beside her that first day, but maybe she already thought that was strange? Maybe she didn’t want to have anything to do with me. Yup, over-analyzing any situation involving Maya Hart had become a new talent of mine. Walking into the lecture hall that next class and seeing that girl from the last class that almost sat with Maya reminded me why I went through such a traumatizing experience in the first place, and I forced myself to sit beside, not daring to even steal a side glance at her. Maya didn’t even seem to notice – not looking at me either, and just scribbling something in her notebook. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. It could mean that she didn’t care if I sat beside her, but it could also mean that she didn’t care if I sat beside her. Again, over thinking.
That same class, whilst nervously twiddling my pencil between my thumb and forefinger, I lost my grip and the writing utensil fell to the floor on my left, right in front of Maya. This was a problem for me. If I leaned down to grab my pencil, my head would practically be in her lap. At the same time, I was pretty sure she noticed, and if I didn’t reach for my pencil, she would think I was some stupid person who dropped her pencil and never bothered to pick it up, leaving myself without anything to write with.
“Here.”
I slowly turned my head to see Maya holding out my pencil, with a small smile on her face. Clearly she had picked it up herself while I was fussing about what to do.
“Thanks,” I whispered back, trying to keep my cool, and taking the pencil from her. We didn’t say another word to each other.
I had butterflies for the rest of the day.
The class after that I made a plan of action. It was a lame plan of action, but it was a plan nonetheless.
I squinted at the board and scrunched my eyebrows together as if I couldn’t make out the writing. I gave Maya a light nudge with my elbow.
“Hm?” She looked up from her notes.
“Uh, I can’t read that sentence on the board...his handwriting’s a little messy.”
Maya squinted at the board herself and then said, “Um, I think it says ‘The blastula continues to divide’.”
I nodded. “Thanks,” and wrote down the sentence.
I could totally read the board.
The next few classes I did a very good job of finding little things to talk to Maya about. Either asking her about a word, or asking her if she understood what the professor was saying – I was very proud of myself. Then the opportunity I had been waiting for came around.
“Alright class, I posted your first assignment on the class website. Your task is to write a summary on one of the provided articles, and then partner up and have your partner review, edit, and critique your writing.”
As soon as the words came out of the teacher’s mouth, I froze, and my heart rate sped up. I knew what I had to do. I had to. I couldn’t miss this chance. I slowly turned towards Maya.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” she responded, glancing up from her paper.
“Do you have a partner? For the assignment?” I internally kicked myself as I realized she couldn’t possibly have a partner already – he had just given us the assignment.
To my relief, she just smiled and said, “No. You need a partner?”
I returned the smile, trying not to seem too ecstatic and said, “Yeah, I do, thanks.”
She then ripped off a piece of paper and wrote her school email down, handing it to me.
“Just email me your finished paper, and I’ll send my feedback.”
Oh. I had been hoping we’d actually get together and review each other’s work. Getting her email was still good – heck, it was kind of like getting her number – but I was disappointed that we wouldn’t be really working together.
“Okay, yeah,” I replied, facing towards the front again. It wasn’t much, but it was something. Plus, this meant that she wouldn’t be contacting someone else in the class. She would be contacting me. I smiled at the thought. Riley Matthews has some game.
Being the academic athlete that I was, I finished the paper that same night. Okay, maybe it was because I also wanted to email Maya as soon as possible. Except, what if she thought I was a total dork for finishing the paper on the same night? But what if she thought I was really smart, and was impressed? I had to argue with myself over the situation for literally an hour before I came to a conclusion – a way to seem both smart, but not too smart at the same time.
I opened up my mail and typed her email address in, attaching my paper, then wrote:
Hey, I know you said you would just send your comments over email, but I struggled a lot with this and it would really help a lot if we could meet and you could give me some pointers face to face.
I held my breath, reading over the email and praying that I didn’t sound to needy or desperate, and then hit send. I released the breath I had been holding and immediately became nervous. Crap. Crap. She’s totally going to think I’m weird. Bad move, Riley. Should’ve just played it cool, should’ve just – but my thoughts were interrupted by a light ping, and I whipped my head around to see the reply email.
I’m not really sure I’m the best person to give you advice haha, but I guess so. When?
I stared at the screen, eyes wide, heart thumping. She agreed. She wanted to know when we were going to meet. And then we would be face to face, talking. About stuff. Well, mostly the paper, but maybe some other stuff. Maybe I could get to know her better.
I shook out of my stupor and typed out a reply.
Are you busy tomorrow at ten? We could meet on the second floor of the library.
The second floor of the library was always nice because it had seats near large windows that looked out on the campus, giving off a peaceful vibe for studying. A minute later, I heard the returning ping.
Sure, see you then.
And that was that. I had arranged a date of sorts with Maya Hart. No. Not a date. I just wanted to be her friend. Just a friend.
***
The night was spent picturing the many different ways the meeting with Maya could go. We could really hit it off, and she could decide that she thought I was really cool and wanted to be my friend too. That didn’t seem likely, but that was the scenario I replayed in my mind the most. By the next morning, I could barely eat breakfast I was so nervous. Mostly I was just worried that I would say something weird, revealing to her just how weird I actually was, and then she might not want to see me ever again. That would suck.
I stood at the top of the stairs on the second floor of the library, knowing that I would see Maya when she came up, and bit my lip looking at the time. 10:04. Okay, just four minutes late. That’s only four minutes. She’s probably just a little late. However, four minutes turned into ten, and ten turned into twenty, and twenty turned into a sullen Riley, leaving the library to go and find Farkle.
After texting Farkle to find out his location, Riley found him behind his laptop at a table in the on campus Starbucks. Riley’s disappointment must’ve been evident, because he immediately made a comment.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Farkle asked, concerned, closing his laptop. I plopped down in the seat across from him and sighed.
“I’m just tired.”
Farkle raised an eyebrow skeptically. “I’ve seen you when you’re tired Riley, and this isn’t tired.”
I closed my eyes, internally cursing how well my best friend knew me.
Opening my eyes again, I looked at him. “It’s just, some girl in my class was supposed to help me out with an assignment this morning, and she never showed.”
“Ah.” He nodded in understanding. “Frustrating. Do you want me to give you a hand?” he asked kindly.
A smiled at the gesture, but shook my head. “It’s okay, I’ll figure it out.” Really, I already had the paper figured out, but I didn’t have this whole Maya situation figured out. Who knew why she never showed? My low self esteem wanted to blame it on her realizing I was maybe a little too eager to be her friend and she got creeped out, but I tried to tell myself that something must’ve just come up. Either way, I decided it was a good idea to not talk to her the next class, just in case it was because she didn’t like me.
I got to class before Maya that day, and sat in what was now considered my spot. I almost wondered if her not getting to class before me was linked to her no show the day before. My conspiracies were quickly tossed out the window as I noticed her walking down the stairs, and slipping into her spot. I pursed my lips together for a couple moments, feeling uncomfortable, before she spoke up.
“I’m sorry.”
I turned to her with a soft expression on my face, wanting to make sure she knew I wasn’t mad.
“Sorry about what?”
Maya bit her lip and blue eyes met brown. “I’m sorry I flaked out on you yesterday.”
I shrugged, seemingly nonchalant. “It’s fine.”
Maya raised her eyebrows. “You’re not even going to ask why I didn’t show?” She looked honestly curious.
“Well,” I started, telling her the truth. “I’m not mad, so it doesn’t really matter, does it?”
And I wasn’t mad. I was disappointed, yes, but I couldn’t be mad.
Maya seemed to think that over, then spoke carefully. “No, I guess it doesn’t.”
I gave her a small smile then turned back to the front.
“I should tell you why, though.”
I turned back to Maya, a questioning look on my face.
She looked down, playing with her fingers, then looked up again, seeming uncomfortable. “To be honest, I don’t really know what the hell is going on in this class. I barely know how to even get started on the assignment.”
It occurred to me then that Maya felt ashamed about this. It was clear from the way she told me. This also made me wonder why she would tell me then. If she was ashamed, why did she feel like it was okay to tell me?
“Hey, don’t worry about it.” I felt the strong need to put my hand on hers, but refrained. Then I continued. “But you still didn’t have to tell me.” The real meaning behind my words was evident: why did you tell me this?
She sighed, and then turned to face the front, talking without looking at me. “Because I didn’t want you to think I was a bitch.” She turned to look at me again, and said earnestly, “And I’m sorry.”
At her words my heart was melting, and I blurted the next sentence out, unthinkingly. “I can help you! If you want,” I added the last part more calmly.
She stared at me and pursed her lips. Hesitantly, cautiously, she agreed. “Alright. If that’s okay?”
I gave her a warm smile and nodded. “It’s okay.”