Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

      “Eren! Where are you going?” Mikasa yelled from the kitchen. I couldn’t sneak out without someone noticing after all.

“Just for a walk, sis. I’ll call you if I stay longer than an hour.” I answered. I didn’t bother to hear her answer. I needed some fresh air, and time to think. It was dark out, but it didn’t matter to me.

How many months had been exactly when I shot my lover? How many months have I managed to keep my family safe?

I don’t know. I don’t even want to.

Everything is normal by now. Mikasa and I try to survive the agonizing college, and my parents are working normally. That little mistake I made is forgotten by now. No one wants to bring it up anymore.

It’s quite weird in the end that my parents didn’t say anything to me. I waited for a total shitstorm to come when the shock and relief was over, but nothing happened. Our life turned instantly normal, like nothing happened. No one even needed to visit the shrink!

But I’m the only one from my family who can’t pretend like it didn’t happen at all. Maybe the rest of my family finds shelter in normal everyday life except me. It’s because all the time, I think about him. Every night I see nightmares about him dying, and I always remember the pain and hurt in his eyes. I remember how it felt to have his blood on my hands, how the old bastard of a gun was hot and smoking after the shot.

All of that because of me. I left him like that.

Luckily I have mastered the way to keep the tears at bay, because I felt the unwanted tears start to pool in my eyes, again.

Haha, I’m so broken. I may not look like it, but I don’t know the reason to fight back in life. I don’t have any reason to keep on living with heart’s full. Not anymore.

I’m so broken that even my family thinks there’s no way to fix me.

     I didn’t even realize that I was walking that somehow familiar street.

Oh.

I met Levi for the first time here in this dirty dark street. Levi’s apartment was a few blocks from here, I remember the way even with my eyes closed.

Half of me wanted to get away from the places where the painful memories were. Another half of me wanted to drown in these memories, cherish them, or simply let them cut my heart into little shards like a fucking masochist.

Crack.

What was that?

I barely managed to turn around when suddenly someone tackled me and started to drag me somewhere. I struggled and tried to kick the attacker but it was no use. That didn’t prevent me from trying though. Suddenly I felt a breath on my ear.

“Long time no see, brat.”

That voice made me freeze and brought the tears back.

It didn’t take too long when I was thrown on the ground. It was dark and I barely managed to see the attacker’s face.

“Levi?”

“Yeah it’s me, you son of a bitch. Didn’t except to see me again, did you?”

My mind couldn’t form anything to say. I was speechless.

He was alive. Levi stood there, breathing, more alive than months ago when I thought I saw him for the last time in my pitied life.

“What? Cat got your tongue?”

“I’m sorry.”

“What? For not doing your job? If you really tried to kill me, you missed the target by a mere inch.”

Levi’s icy and ruthless voice broke me.

“I’M SORRY OKAY? I WAS JUST A PAWN IN A GAME OF CHESS! THEY THREATENED TO HURT MY FAMILY IF I DIDN’T KILL YOU! BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY THAT I MISSED THE TARGET, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I REALLY DO! IT BROKE ME BECAUSE I WAS SO FUCKING SURE THAT YOU DIED BACK THERE!”

My miserable shouts echoed through the street. It left me breathless and sobbing mess on the ground.

I hope he believes me.

“I don’t know, Eren. I can’t trust you anymore.” Levi’s voice was a mere whisper. But he was right. Even I couldn’t trust someone who tried to kill me, even if I loved that person.

“Just, let me explain”, I whined pitifully, all of my dignity suddenly gone.

Levi didn’t say anything, and I understood it as a cue to start telling the story.

I told every little detail I could remember. From the time I messed up with my attempt to rob from the wrong man to the night when I freed my family. “I could help you to catch them.” I ended it with that, but Levi just chuckled.

“It’s not that easy. Your blackmailer is just one boss out of dozens. The mafia works all around the USA.”

Oh. There goes the hope to catch them.

“But you are able to help us a little.”

I nodded lightly and there was silent for a moment.

“You’re not going to forgive me?” I whispered in the end, staring at him with my red buffy eyes, almost too frightened to ask it. I waited him to yell at me, only to watch him laugh. He never laughed, and I saw instantly that the laughter wasn’t real.

“Why would I? You betrayed me once; I’m not taking the same risk twice.”

Oh how his words hurt.

Trying to hide my need to cry yet again, I got up from the ground and stared at the man in front of me.

“So this is it then? We’re over?” I didn’t even try to hide the bitterness in my voice. I already knew his answer, asking from myself why I even wanted Levi to confirm it.

Levi chuckled darkly. I have no idea where I found the strength to stare him back, angry and absolutely broken.

“Don’t look so hurt, brat. I was the one who’s been betrayed.”

I flinched.

“You didn’t answer my question, old man.”

“Brat.”

I think he noticed the unspeakable challenge. I just wanted to end this confusion.

“To say it bluntly, you don’t have any chances to gain my trust again.”

I expected this, but why it hurts so fucking much?

“But you’re not going anywhere. There isn’t anything to call we, but there could be.”

I tried my best to read his expression, but I gained nothing. No lies were seen in his eyes.

“I don’t even know why I don’t just kick you out of m-“

I didn’t even notice that I moved closer to him, until I had silenced him by setting by finger on his lips.

“Don’t.”

-make me hope too much.

Then I kissed him. At first, Levi stiffened, and didn’t answer the kiss. So I ended it, trying not to show any of my disappointment.

“Let’s go to my place.”

Levi just turned around, saying nothing else. I hurried after him, full of questions, because I didn’t understand what Levi meant with that “could be”. Yet, I remained silent.

Yep, too late.

     I watched Levi taking off his police uniform while texting to Mikasa that I would stay the night at friend’s house. My family didn’t know anything about Levi, except what Kenny said a few months ago. That’s why I lied.

Maybe I was too hopeful, but I have no idea what would happen.

I watched for a while when Levi shuffled around his apartment. He smoked a couple stumps, at the same time when cleaning invisible dust from the table. At least he was the same clean freak like before.

The whole time, he avoided looking at me.

When he started brewing some coffee for us, I snapped. I couldn’t handle the silence anymore.

“Right now, I’m quite confused. So, could you explain?” I hissed angrily.

Levi just chuckled. It felt like he was fucking around with me.

“Stupid brat.”

“I did understand that there’s no we, but there could be. But like um…”

“Spit it out.”

“You don’t trust me, but still, you love me.”

“And do you want a medal for that? Yes. But you know, love is all about trust.”

That shut me up. I didn’t think about that at all.

Fuck no.

“Okay, this is hard. But you know what?”

Levi got the coffee ready, and offered some for me, still not looking at me.

“What?”

“I love you, and I trust you. Even if you arrested me, I would trust you, because that would be only fair.”

When I finished, I noticed Levi finally staring at me. He looked like he didn’t believe a thing I just said.

“You took something really precious from me and traded it with a bullet.” Levi whispered with a broken voice.

For a second that levelheaded and strong police officer in front of me looked really broken and insecure. It was over in a blink of an eye though, and in the end I was sure that I had imagined it.

I sipped some from my coffee and burned my tongue suddenly. I heard Levi trying to cover his laugh with coughing, not really succeeding at it.

Was that genuine laugh?

His laugh made me forget the things I thought he said.

“What you’re laughing at?” I asked with a weird voice because my tongue hurt, a lot. It was weird that Levi started to laugh after really serious talk. I didn’t see anything laughable at this.

“So fucking innocent. Speaking so big things and suddenly acting like a total kid.” Levi said while snickering.

I tried to drink my coffee for a second time, still burning my tongue at the process.

“What? Are you making fun of me?”

Ow ow ow…

This time Levi started to laugh properly. Could I say his laughter was like music to my ears? Okay, that sounded quite cheesy. But still, it was really rare to hear it. And when I do hear it, it makes me happy.

Levi mumbled something but I couldn’t get it because he laughed way too much for a person who is so dark and unapproachable with a permanent scowl all the time.

So I cracked a smile, even though Levi’s reason to laugh pissed me off. And I think it was my first real smile in months.

How come this mysterious police officer can make me smile this easily even at my own cost? Normally I would start a fight right about now.

After I finished my coffee, Levi had stopped laughing and he was smoking his third stump.

“So, what are we going to do now?”

“Dunno”.

“What? You can’t say that!” I was devastated. He couldn’t just answer that, because that question refers to our relationship. I was asking what we should do from now on to gain the thing we call Us.

“Why?” Levi’s gaze just turned a degree colder.

“I want to know what I should do from now on. Like, could I spend time with you or give you some space? Or is there more options? Like should I go home now or –“

“Stay.” Levi stopped me from babbling more, so I shut my mouth and stared at him.

“From now on, stay.”

“Okay.” For the first time I didn’t want to be the annoying shitty brat who I usually was. So I obeyed, I stayed beside him just thinking how grateful I was that he was alive.

Besides, I didn’t want to go anywhere.

     It was something like 3 am, when we were rolling on the floor in a fits of laughter. I have no idea where Levi got so much red vine and booze, but I don’t really care. I’m drunk and it feels like heaven.

We were so drunk, that everything got us laugh.

“Let me tell a thing about Jean. He was my classmate in high school, and head over heels for Mikasa.” I started to laugh already and I had to pause for a sip of booze. “He was so annoying. Like, bloody hell! He looks like a horse, and he always tried to be the smart one. When I wasn’t in his throat trying to strangle him, someone was stopping me from going for it.”

“Geez! Control your temper, kid! Or at least try.” Levi was cracking already.

“He wasn’t helping the situation at all. You should have seen his face when he started to date Mikasa. Like, he couldn’t hide his shit eating grin, and he was even fuller of himself than before.” I drank more booze, feeling the swaying in my head even more.

“Is he still around?”

“Yes, but Mikasa takes care that I don’t see his ugly horseface and smug smile anymore. Unfortunately he and Mikasa are still together though. That guy is a total joke even now.”

“Oh wow. What did you do that Mikasa cut out your quarrels?”

“I snapped and beat Jean into a pulp when he joked about my family. So, he almost had to go to hospital, and it took a good time from him to get Mikasa talk to him. But you know, Mikasa and Armin were really mad at me too.”

“Ouch. You have to remind me to piss you off when I want to fight, kid.” Levi said through his laughter. I scowled at him, but it morphed into a grin quite quickly.

But seriously, I got always into trouble with my short temper. I didn’t have anger issues, but when I snapped, I would not stop until someone else stopped me.

But you should know this fact: Armin and Mikasa were so fucking scary when they’re mad. Even the manliest of men are afraid of them.

Levi’s stereo was on, and it was playing some rock right now.

I don’t know where you’re going

but do you got room for one more troubled soul?

I don’t know where I’m going

but I don’t think I’m coming home

And I said I’ll check in tomorrow

if I don’t wake up dead

This is the road to ruin

and we’re starting at the end

“SAY YEAH!” When I recognized the song, I instantly jumped up and left my drink on the floor. I sang with the lyrics trying to dance nicely, but I don’t think I succeeded.

Let’s be alone together

We could stay young forever

Scream it from the top of your lungs

Levi was staring at me doubtfully, so I pulled him up and tried to get him dance with me. Normally he would never dance with me like this, but right now he was singing with me and making pirouettes around the living room. It looked so ridiculous that I had to hold my giggles while singing. But I know that my moves looked as dumb as Levi’s, so I had no right to laugh.

We danced and sung to the end of that song, but it didn’t prevent us from carrying on. It took exactly seven songs for us to fall to the floor exhausted. We laughed again but I had to stop because my cheeks and belly were hurting too much.

When it grew silent, I started to zone out.

“Eren?” Levi asked suddenly. I turned to watch him.

“I missed you.” his words made me smile.

“Same here, Levi.”

Same here.

     Ow… My head. What the hell just happened around here? My head feels like shit and…

I ran head first to the bathroom, just in time to throw my guts out in the right place. After that I collapsed on the tile floor.

Aw fuck. Oh I just love hangovers. I didn’t even drink that much. Or did I?

“Good morning, brat.” What a perfect time for Levi to come and make fun of me. When I looked at him behind my heavy eyelids, he chuckled.

“Wow, you look like shit.” Levi noted while smirking evilly.

“Shut… up." I mumbled. It bugged me that Levi looked normal and felt mildly okay, when I felt and looked like shit.

And I think he drank even more than me last night.

“Aw, my little brat is so sweet and happy today!”

I feel like an awkward teenager again.

“Stop mocking-“

And again I was throwing my guts out while Levi was laughing his ass off.

Why this guy suddenly laughs so much?

     “Are you feeling any better, brat?” Levi asked when I walked to the kitchen. Like always, Levi had already cleaned out the empty beer and wine bottles.

“Yeah, a little.” I answered with a big yawn. The shower I had taken minutes ago left me feeling refreshed but a bit sleepy.

“There’s some pain killers on the sink.”

“Thanks.”

While I took the meds, I stared at Levi, who was reading a newspaper while sipping some tea. I saw him gripping the tea cup with his weird style. I remember when I tried just for fun to mimic him, but I ended fucking up the whole thing. I chuckled for the memory, and Levi noticed it.

“What the hell are you laughing at?”

“Nothing. I just remembered something useless.”

“Right…” Levi left the thing there. I didn’t really want to recall all the stupid things I have done while being with him so I decided to forget about it.

For a few minutes, we just sat around the table sipping our drinks. I settled for a glass of cold water (obviously my run down body couldn’t keep anything else in) and Levi had another cup of tea. We just silently sat there, enjoying the upcoming day, which seems to be bright and sunny after all this fog and rain.

I really like these kinds of moments, just enjoying the silence.

That soothing calmness was cut out when I glanced at the clock.

“FUCK! OH NO NO NO NO!” I screamed. It was little over 1 pm, and I had few lessons to go this afternoon. And of course it was history!

I ran up, gathered my shit and made my way quickly to the door. All the time Levi watched me amused.

“Where you think you’re going?”

“To school. I forgot my afternoon lessons. See ya!”

Yep, hardest lesson plus hangover. This is going to be fun.

Suddenly I felt like I forgot something, which made me stop at the door.

Oh yeah.

I made my way to Levi with quick steps. He opened his mouth to ask something but I was quicker. I kissed him for a quick farewell.

It was a mistake though. It left me craving more, and obviously the same happened to Levi.

“I almost forgot it. Fuck I really have to go.”

I had barely 40 minutes time to run home to get my books and to the school right after that.

So I left Levi staring after me with so familiar passion in his eyes. I knew that same passion reflected in my eyes too.

I hope that hippie teacher isn’t planning some kind of quick surprise test for today, or I’m screwed.

   I made it barely in time. And there was no test today. Okay, he scheduled a big one for two weeks from now on. I tried my best to concentrate for the theme we were working, but I couldn’t. I missed Levi even more, and it made me very nervous now that I knew he was okay, and he wasn’t that mad at me.

Again, my phone buzzed which startled me.

From: Bad ass police officer

Oi, you’re definitely spending the next night with me. I have few days off from work, so you’re gonna keep me entertained.

So commanding, as always. I tried to hide my growing smirk and typed a quick replay.

To: Bad ass police officer

Did I leave you craving more?

Now I couldn’t hide my smirk anymore.

From: Bad ass police officer

Maybe, maybe not. Are you coming?

Well that was a quick answer. I decided to leave the tease for now, because the teacher was giving me dirty looks.

To: Bad ass police officer

Yeah yeah. I have to get some things from home though. So see ya at 6pm, maybe?

The teacher almost made me give my phone to him, but I managed to read Levi’s fast reply.

From: Bad ass police officer

I can’t wait, brat.

And that reply made me grin for the rest of my lessons. I welcomed the familiar growing heat in my chest, which only Levi could cause.

     “Finally! Where the hell have you been, Eren?” Mikasa hissed right after I shut the front door of our house.

“I said I was at my friend’s house.”

“I saw all your friends in the school, but none of them knew where you were. Or, were you having fun with Jean behind my back?”

I grimaced for that thought, and Mikasa chuckled.

“In your dreams, Snow White.”

“Asshole.”

We had this unique way to show that we cared about each other.

“Whatever.” I tried to escape to my room but Mikasa followed me.

“I’m staying with my friend for few days. I have only a few lessons at school too.” I hazily explained while packing some spare clothes and other stuff to my backpack. I think I didn’t need to hurry, probably.

“Bye-“ I tried to slip from my room but Mikasa grabbed for my shoulder.

“I think this friend of yours is someone I don’t like.”

“Maybe.” I didn’t really want to talk about Levi with her. Because I think they wouldn’t get along very well. They’re too similar.

“Eren? Are you dating someone?”

I didn’t answer at all, because we weren’t really dating, were we? At least not yet.

I hope I wasn’t being too hopeful. It seems that life is full of surprises nowadays.

“You are. How long?”

God she was persistent today.

“We’re not really dating.” I almost whispered. I wasn’t ready to tell her about Levi, because I wasn’t even sure that we wouldn’t break up soon. I didn’t want to think that it was even possible, but it was.

“A simple fuck? Okay, but at least tell me who and what kind of person they are.”

“Mikasa stop already.”

“Before that you’re not going anywhere.”

Oh for fuck’s sake.

I turned slowly to stare at her and suddenly tried to flee. It didn’t work. Mikasa dragged me back to my room and threw me on the bed.

“Oof!” All the air escaped from my lungs when I landed on the bed on my stomach. As always, Mikasa was slightly scary with her deathly strength. It made me slightly self-conscious.

“Start telling.”

“Alright alright, calm down.” I murmured right after my lungs started to work again. I got up and sat on the bed and sighed.

“Okay, I’m not telling everything though, not now.” I started telling her while patting the bed next to me. Mikasa warily sat down on it.

I told little about Levi, and that he was involved in a way or another in that mafia mess few months ago. At that point Mikasa sprang up and started to fume about that Levi could be dangerous. I got her to calm down by saying that Levi wasn’t part of the mafia, that Levi was a good guy, but innocent victim in that mess. I’m not really sure that he was completely innocent though, but Mikasa didn’t need to know that detail.

“He was a part of the “mission” the Boss made me do. But I tell the rest some other time.”

Mikasa clearly sensed that the mission wasn’t an easy subject for me to talk, so she said no more.

At the end I briefly mentioned about my growing feelings towards him, silently hoping that Mikasa didn’t say anything about it.

“Oh my god.” She breathed.

Of course my overprotective sister would notice it. And here goes the same talk about love. ‘Are you sure it’s love? Does he love you back? Did you use protection? Are you really really really sure? Can you trust him?’

I’m positively sure that Mikasa’s favorite subject for talking is love. And she just loves to rant about it to me.

“It’s complicated, Mikasa. But the only thing I’m sure of is that I care about him. Maybe even love him. I don’t know how it ends up though.”

Oh I know it’s love, but there’s no chance that I was going to tell it to Mikasa.

Right after that, Mikasa hugged me hard, and I hugged her back just as hard.

“I’m happy for you Eren, but if-“

“Yeah yeah, safe that talk for later, I have to go. Say to mom that I said hi.” I pecked a kiss to her forehead and headed out of my room.

“Wait!” I stopped when I heard her.

“What?”

“Did Levi make you smile like that again? Like look at yourself! You seem happier than yesterday, even more than before… that accident.” Mikasa asked and looked at me expectantly.

“Yes.” I grinned at her and she smiled back.

These few months after the mafia left us alone, I had no desire to be happy. But I still smiled, for my family’s sake. However, seems like I didn’t manage to fool my sister.

“I’m happy for you then.” she said and wrapped her red scarf tighter around her neck.

“Thanks Mikasa.” I said and disappeared around the corner with a smile on my face.

I felt a bit giddy about seeing Levi, because I remember that passion in his eyes from the morning, or noon. I think it promised something quite, enjoyable.

My cheeks turn red suddenly (I can feel it!) and rest of my way to Levi’s I try to cool them off. Levi would tease me to no end if he noticed it.

For a long time, everything’s going well, at least for now.

     Damn, I’m late. Levi is going to kick my ass for this. I think I should definitely start planning my will while I nock the door. It didn’t take long for me to hear quick steps stopping behind the door and the door to open.

“You’re late, brat.”

“I know. Sorry, over protective sister.” I smiled sheepishly.

If I remember right, Levi certainly hates tardiness.

“Tch.” Levi hissed and went to the living room. I closed the door behind me and shrugged my jacket off. When I went to the living room, I noticed that it was really clean and shiny. Like, you can see every surface sparkle in the late night sun. I glanced in the other rooms and they were sparkling too.

“Were you cleaning this whole time when I was away?” I asked. Levi glared at me from the other end of the living room.

“No.” he answered, but his tone was different. It took me a minute to realize that he was embarrassed.

Levi, embarrassed? Wow, now I can die happily.

I started to laugh. It changed from vicious giggling into barking mess. I think Levi looked even more flustered, but he continued staring at me annoyed.

“What the hell you’re laughing at?”

“So-sorry! No need to get flustered, you’re, you-“ I couldn’t speak properly from under my laughter.

Levi stared at me, his left eyebrow twitching.

“You just looked so damn cute a minute ago.” I finally managed to say it, and Levi looked even more annoyed, maybe even murderous.

“Shut the fuck up. I’m heading to shower.” he growled and headed for the bathroom. He slammed the door shut while I still laughed.

     I spaced around the house while waiting for Levi. All the time I tried not to think about him, naked, in a steamy shower while little water droplets glided down his firm chest. How he would let his eyes flutter shut while under the water. How his cheeks would get flushed slightly because of the heat, and how his hands would glide on his smooth skin, from his chest to his well-defined eight-pack, and from there even lower until his soft fingers would graze his…

“AW DAMN IT!” I shouted interrupting my too perverted imagination. I heard the water stop, wet footsteps on the floor and clothes rustling. I was a few meters away from the bathroom door, when it opened. Levi poked his wet head from the door, glaring at me for no reason. I thought he would start teasing me about the sudden shouting but instead of that, Levi came to me, just a white towel hanging loosely on his hips. I had no time to enjoy the sight, because suddenly Levi grabbed my tie and started to drag me to the bathroom.

“Wha- Levi, what’re you try-“ I was cut off when he slammed the door shut and pulled me closer to him.

“I think I’m not the only one who’s tired of waiting around. Strip.” I blushed even more. He can’t be serious.

“What?” I stared at him thunderstruck, and my face was probably so fucking red right now.

“You heard me.” his tone when he said that gave me no options.

Oh my god.

I tried to swallow my nervousness while stepping away from him. I had never even tried to striptease, so I had no idea what to do. So I just slowly started to undress.

Okay! Levi didn’t say I had to striptease, but I simply wanted to impress him. But, uh, not today. Or…

First I took off my sweater while running my hands over my chest. From there I moved to take off my tie, then my shirt and trousers all the while keeping an eye for Levi’s reaction. I tried to be sexy, or hot, but I don’t really think it worked.

After all, I was all the other things Levi was. That included tempting and sexy.

Right after I took my boxers off, I walked with pride to the shower, capturing Levi’s eyes with my own.

“Are you coming or not?”

Where the fuck this confidence came from? I’m all but confident!

I had no time to take a breath and congratulate myself, because Levi was there with me. His towel was gone, and he was leaning in. I tried to calm down my now definitely racing heart while looking away to shut the shower curtain.

When I felt his hands glide on my chest, I was left breathless.

He always makes my body react like this.

I backed out to lean to the cool tile wall, but it didn’t help.

“Be a good brat and enjoy the ride, because there’s no turning back.” Levi whispered to my ear, taking all my confidence with the words. Now I was a nervous mess leaning on the wall.

However, right now nothing could get me away from Levi.

“But before that, we have to be all clean and tidy.” Levi said mischievously.

That fucking… Argh!

I wanted to scream, or jump on him. But I decided to just nod.

But when Levi was turning the water on, I stole a kiss from him.

     Everything felt so different suddenly. We were out from the shower, and Levi was pouring us some wine.

I’m quite thankful that we calmed down: our shower exercises were quite the adventure if you ask me. Levi gave me one of the glasses and sipped some from his own all the while staring at me intently.

He had something in mind, and it was making me anxious. Unfortunately I was not brave enough to ask what he wanted to say, so we just stared at each other across the kitchen bar.

Even the way he looked at me was different.

“You look like you’re going to freak out, brat.” Levi said after a long silence.

“Well, you’re the one to blame, because I know you have something in mind, but you’re not telling what exactly.” I answered a little too sharply.

This man could make me really edgy sometimes.

“Hm.” he murmured and sipped his wine looking lost in thoughts.

God no, no anymore silence!

“Levi, speak. Stop making me so nervous.” I growled, making Levi look at me again and raise his eyebrow.

“I’m quite relieved that this whole mess we have here did not quell your fire.” Levi said and smirked.

Okay, now I’m confused.

My face was probably worth seeing because Levi’s smirk turned into full time grin.

“I can’t sometimes understand that this same oblivious brat almost killed me few months ago.”

I grimaced, not liking the fact that he had mentioned it.

“Tch. Hard subject, is it?”

“No one wants to speak about the past fuck ups they have done. Getting a whole mafia on your neck because you stole from a wrong guy is something only a fuck up like me can do.” I explained and lowered my eyes from his piercing grey ones.

“I agree.” Levi chuckled slightly, but I saw his eyes narrow for a second when I said I was a fuck up.

Another uncomfortable silence passed, but it was Levi who broke it.

“You said that you’re full of lies back then.” Levi started and took another sip from his drink. “If I think about it now, I don’t know anything about you. I can’t tell what’s lies and what’s true from the things you told me.” he said, making me look at him again.

He’s right, and I’m ready to pour my whole soul to him, if he wanted it.

“Ask anything you want and I’m willing to tell everything about it. This time it’s the truth and will always be the truth.” I answered, gripping the glass of wine more tightly.

I couldn’t help the fact that I was hopeful. If Levi was willing to learn about me, it meant he was willing to try and trust me again.

“Okay brat, start telling.”

YES! He, oh my god-

“Um, where do I start?” I stuttered, blushing suddenly.

Fucking argh!

“Unbelievable.” Levi snickered and sat down on the stool.

“Seriously! Where do I start?” I asked and sat down across from him. I saw him eye me up and down, stopping suddenly when he noticed the new key I had.

“Start from that key. Where did you get it?” Levi mumbled and reached across the bar table to examine it.

“Um, it’s my first treasure, my first successful gig."

"Hm…"

"It represents freedom, a key for all the chains and locks you have, but it’s also a promise."

“For who?”

“For myself. It’s a reminder that my times as a pocket thief are over.” I breathed.

"Such big words for a brat." Levi stated and sat back. I snickered a little.

“Armin has been rubbing on me lately I guess.”

“Armin?”

“This blonde mushroom who is secretly a genius and my best friend.”

I remember the time when Armin saw me for the first time after all the shit I had caused. I was quite surprised that he wasn’t even slightly mad at me.

“Never do this again.” he had me promise only that: nothing else.

I looked at Levi, and suddenly he was right beside me, wiping tears away from my cheeks that had gone unnoticed by me.

“I’m so sorry, Levi.” I managed to choke before the ugly sobs started.

All the guilt and remorse that had piled on me came crashing down all of a sudden. I was embarrassed that Levi had to see this, but I couldn’t stop it.

It was so unfair that my parents, Mikasa and even Armin didn’t blame me at all. I would’ve deserved it, so Levi’s anger in the dark street was a relief to me. One person was angry, but it didn’t help me understand why no one else was.

“I’m so sorry.” I mumbled again, but suddenly Levi wrapped his arms around me and comforted me.

“Brat, it was just a wrong place and a wrong time. They can blame you just for the stealing, but everything else was Kenny’s fault.” Levi murmured silently and stroked my hair.

He was alive and did not blame me. I can’t believe this.

“Do you fo-forgive me?” I managed to choke out.

“Yes, but it will take time that I’m yet again able to trust you, sorry.”

“No, it’s alright.”

Maybe it’s better that we’ll go slow.

Levi pulled away when I had calmed down just to look at me in the eye.

There was that different look again. It was so much softer than usually.

Soft, gentle and loving.

I can’t take this. I remember how I saw a glimpse from that look on the same day I pulled the trigger.

He really loves me, even through all that pain I caused.

“Make love with me.”

The words were off from my trembling lips before I had time to stop them. This situation was a bit familiar though. I was waiting again: did I royally screw up with my no filtered mouth or not? The fear of making a big mistake stopped me from feeling embarrassed over my mishap.

I have a bad habit that I speak without thinking it through, and it gets me usually in trouble.

Luckily it seems like I didn’t screw up this time. Not today.

For the first time in my life I saw a genuine smile, just before Levi touched my cheeks gently and kissed me.

It was sweet, and so different from those feverish and violent kisses we have shared before.

I found myself craving more of him. I wanted to touch him and him to touch me, so after the first kiss I pulled him into a new one.

He tasted like the red wine we have been drinking a moment before. But there was also that strong, unique taste, which consists of cigarettes and something that is purely Levi.

I want more of it.

Levi coaxed me up from my stool wine glasses long forgotten, and led me towards his bedroom. Every time I tried to steal another kiss from him, he dodged my attempts and chuckled.

I wanted to kiss him so badly, but at the same time I didn’t want to erase that warm grin he had on.

He held both of my hands, silently caressing them at the same time. Levi’s being unusually gentle, and I’m not used to it. Not that I was complaining, because it left my body buzzing differently than before. It was good.

We came to the bedroom, and Levi motioned me to go on the bed. I obeyed, never looking away from his burning gaze.

My heart started to beat more rapidly, when I saw him crawling on top of me.

“I have been waiting for this, Eren.” Levi whispered and started kissing behind my ear. I sighed in happiness and gripped tightly his hips.

His skin felt so smooth and silky under my slightly calloused hands, when I trailed my hands under his shirt. I trailed small circles with my thumbs against his hip bones while he kissed me feverishly. The kisses were growing more eager and more passionate by the second.

I let my hands wander freely under his shirt, tracing the soft curves and dips on his firm abdomen and chest, all the while Levi explored my mouth with his tongue. He bit my lower lip gently, which made me sigh.

He did it again, and started to trail open mouthed kisses from my lips to my jaw and down to my neck. That familiar heat only Levi’s touches could ignite started to burn brightly in me, making my heart beat like a drum.

I had to bite my lips to stop the moans.

I was on my way to the Heaven. Okay, not exactly, but it sure felt like it when his kisses went lower and lower.

I couldn’t help but notice that our moves were slower than before. Earlier we would be already fucking right now, but not now.

Levi tucked at my shirt and I understood the message and pulled it off. He had already opened his button up shirt, and I got to see his firm stunning body of a god again.

It went on like that. Both of us took our time touching and examining the other, all the while taking our clothes off one at a time.

But that started to silently change, when that familiar passion started to course through my body, igniting me on fire.

We were now kissing like mad men, fully naked, when Levi pulled me up and made me sat on his lap. He grasped me and himself firmly, and started moving his hand up and down our throbbing lengths. I dragged my nails down his back not knowing if I left any marks behind.

"Ah..." I sighed and leaned my forehead on the crook of Levi's neck. His touch was the same, but it felt really different now than back then, before everything turned into shit.

Levi threaded his fingers through my messy hair with his free hand, which sent silent shivers through my body.

His touch was the same, but it felt like he touched me even deeper than before. The feelings he made me experience were even stronger and more nerve-racking in a good way than before. His soft kisses against my collar bone left me hopeless and breathless.

Our cold demeanors were crumbling piece by piece.

“Hey Eren.” his soft whisper against my ear made me lift my head to look at him closely. And what I saw in those storming eyes made me gasp.

I was not in shape for speaking like a normal human, so I made a silent sound that I had heard him.

He moved his hand down from my hair on my neck and there to my cheek. “Do you feel it?” he whispered again while looking at me dreamily. There was that same warmth in his light grey eyes I saw a moment ago.

I’m not really sure that it left his eyes at all.

He suddenly stroked me just right, and it made me a little lightheaded.

“Feel what?” I asked again with embarrassingly croaky voice. My mind was not ready to figure out something through random clues.

“This.” he kissed me again and put his forehead against mine. His free hand slid down from my face on top of my heart. His other hand was still stroking us in a steady pace.

Somehow and I don’t know how, I knew what he meant.

This felt way deeper than before. Not just that familiar spark which made me realize I was falling for this guy in the first place, but something way bigger and could I say scary.

It was scary because I didn’t know what it is exactly.

I put my hand on top of his on my chest and smiled. I kissed him, and stared at him while whispering a soft “Yes”.

After that little intimate moment our growing hunger for a release made us concentrate on our leaking lengths. Levi’s hand was slick with our precum, which made the friction even more delicious. I was eager to please him, so I trailed soft kisses and bites on Levi’s neck, trying to remember where that one sensitive place of his was. I had one hand also stroking our lengths, and Levi was massaging my hip with his free hand. That familiar intoxicating fire was forming in my lower stomach, making it harder to think through my lustful haze.

I didn’t even realize it first when I was already coming with a loud and shameful moan. I don’t know why, but Levi started chuckling while I was still high on my orgasm. I collapsed on the bed, dragging Levi on top of me. Soft puffs of air tickled me when Levi was still chuckling against my neck. I was trying to pout because he was definitely laughing at me, but my bliss was making it really hard.

“What the hell are you laughing at?” I managed to mumble, making him snicker even more. I mean, I loved it when I made Levi laugh, but it made me a little irritated when he laughed just to be mean.

“I think you’re the only person who does not look sexy at all while coming”, Levi finally mumbled. When he lifted his head up to look at my face, he started laughing again.

Well, this was awkward. I have always thought that if I did not look sexy while doing anything else (which I didn’t, thank you very much), then at least I would while having a mind-blowing orgasm.

Looks like even in bed I was everything else but hot, sexy or attractive. “Levi! Stop laughing! I can be sexy, you asshole!” I murmured and glared at him.

“No you can’t.” he answered with a wolfish grin, which was not like Levi at all.

“Come on! Man is always sexy when making food!” I groaned and pushed lightly at his shoulder.

“Eren, admit it: you can’t cook for shit.” he answered with even bigger grin. I pouted and turned my head away from him. He was right yet again, and it annoyed the hell out of me.

“Shut up, you moron.” I whispered and felt my face going red. Levi chuckled, and started kissing my neck and jaw, secretly coaxing me to stop the pouting.

I was ashamed how well it worked.

“No need to get so worked up because of that. Being sexy or attractive needs elegance, and you’re everything else but elegant.” he said while moving up to lean on his arms still hovering over me. I tried not to care about the friction he was causing while moving around, but it was hard.

“Gee, thanks a-“

“But, that’s one of the things I love in you.” he cut me off with words that made my heart beat faster and gasp in surprise. Looks like his words did surprise him too, but he quickly sucked it up and looked at me gently.

I think we both were still not used to those sweet words that would spill suddenly from our mouths. They were so random and sneaky, and that was the only evidence I needed to know that they were real and sincere.

Now I knew yet another new fact about him, and I was not able to continue my pouting. I trailed my hand up his back and when my fingertips touched the edge of his undercut, I pulled him closer. I kissed him with all the storming feelings and passion my body could hold in. I kissed, sucked and bit him with a new found desire to show him something that words were unable to tell.

It was my turn to worship his body of a god. My turn to touch and show how much he meant to me and how easily he made me quiver with lust.

Before it was Levi who insisted being the one to lead the way, but I was sick of it. It was my turn now.

So I pushed him away and made him lay on his back on the bed. When he started to fight against me, I straddled him and leaned forward to whisper in his ear.

“Let me lead the way this time, Levi. Let me show you how much I adore you and what you turn me into.” My words made him gasp.

Now that I think about it, until now I have not gotten the chance to make this all about him. It was always Levi who touched and me who was touched.

I moved up and looked at the man I loved deeply. His eyes were blown wide with lust, and he was panting loudly. His raging erection was pressing against my entrance, and I realized suddenly that he hadn’t come at all. Okay, it was no secret that Levi always lasted longer than me. I moved a few times on him, making us both groan and my dick hard.

“Eren, god…” Levi moaned when I did it again while biting my lip. I did it again and again just to get to see Levi’s face when he was silently falling apart piece by piece. After a few more thrusts it was me who got desperate to have more.

I got the lube and condom from his nightstand’s drawer. Levi still kept them in the same place like before.

“Are you- letting me prep you?” Levi asked and drew circles on my hipbones with his thumbs. His face was flushed beautifully. I rarely saw him blush anywhere, but now his face was almost completely red.

“Yeah. I can’t do it like you do. It doesn’t feel the same.” I murmured, quickly going red myself.

“Did you try it?” he asked and stared me in wonder.

“Yeah.”

“O-oh, Darn it.” Levi moaned, and his hips buckled under me. Seeing Levi react like that was mesmerizing.

“Give me the lube, brat.” Levi groaned and snatched the lube from me. He looked embarrassed so suddenly. I couldn’t help but smirk because of it. Making him react like that was a huge boost to my self-esteem.

In the end my smirk disappeared when I felt his cool fingers near my entrance. I hunched closer to him when he smeared the lube around it. First finger made me gasp for air, because it was long time ago when I last took time to play with my body.

Levi’s first finger was in, and he started moving it slowly. I tried to will myself to relax, so I started to lay gentle kisses around Levi’s body.

This was amazing.

I shivered when Levi added another finger, and started to finger fuck me.

“I love your face when you are like that.” Levi murmured. I moaned and willed the sudden embarrassment to go away by kissing him fiercely.

“Sh-shut up.” I whispered against his collar bone.

Levi added a third finger, which left me quivering and moaning slightly. I had to really concentrate on the kisses and touches I was placing around his body, because the burning fire in me was threatening to take me whole.

It was way harder than before, because this time was different than the other times we had fucked in the bedroom.

“Enough.” I groaned after few minutes, and Levi pulled his fingers away from me. I started to unwrap the condom, but Levi surprised me by taking the condom from me and tossing it off somewhere.

“Wha-“

“I got myself tested, and I assume you haven’t been fooling around while we were not seeing each other?”

“Yeah…” I hazily remembered that one time when I had claimed that I was clean months ago. Back then we only used condoms because Levi wasn’t sure that he was clean too.

So I don’t know what to wait for this.

I snatched the lube before Levi could and started pouring it on Levi’s dick.

“Aah! Shit! That’s cold as balls!” Levi shrieked with a jump. It was so sudden and funny that I started to laugh. I have to admit that I was nervous because I was waiting for the possible fuck up all this time. The nervousness crumbled away with my laughter.

“Sorry!” I said through tears of laughter. Levi pouted and looked away from me. He was mad.

“Aw, don’t be mad.” I murmured and pecked a quick kiss on his cheek. Levi did not budge, so I decided to continue my ministrations.

I spread the lube on his length, making Levi sigh. I stroked him a couple times, and then cleaned my hands on the same towel Levi had used earlier. I lined myself up, ready to sit down on his dick, but Levi wasn’t looking at me.

“Look at me, Levi.” I whispered through clenched teeth. I wanted nothing else but to sit down and have one hell of a ride, but I knew this would be even more satisfying, if I did it differently. Levi wasn’t looking at me at all.

“Levi. Look how much I want you.” I whispered with a soft whimper. That was enough for him, because one moment later I was met with a pair of piercing smoky eyes. I sat down, feeling his length going inside me.

“A-aah! Only you- can make me like this. O-oh!” I shrieked and tried my best to stay upright. This whole situation was making me go overdrive.

I stilled for a second, getting used to my ‘saddle’. I knew that Levi was looking at me, but I was already too gone to be embarrassed. He was running his hands up and down my sides, trying to help me relax.

A moment later we started to move slowly, both groaning and panting like mad. It felt wonderful, but in the same time I swore because of the painfully slow pace.

Suddenly we both grew tired of it. Levi started thrusting his hips up, and I met him in the middle. Sometimes Levi would move just right, which would make me scream like a wanton whore. The fire inside me was burning brightly, but I knew it wasn’t enough.

Until Levi decided to sit up and put his upper body against mine. My legs started to get tired, so he made all the work.

I wanted to make him feel great, but I had drowned in my own lust and passion too deep. I couldn’t do much anymore.

“Levi…” I breathed and wrapped my hands around him, raking my nails down his back.

“Fuck…” Levi moaned because of it, making me smirk.

Right now I was blindly searching something that would tip me over yet again, but found nothing.

Luckily Levi helped me with that. He started kissing my shoulder and neck, leaving light marks behind.

“Let me see how I can make you feel good.” he murmured against my ear, taking the rest of the reins from me. I felt him push two of his fingers in my mouth, commanding me to suck them with a shivering whisper.

“You’re so perfect.” he whispered, and started stroking my painfully hard dick. I moaned loudly against his fingers. No way that I’m going to last long. My body was being captured by a firestorm, which took me over completely when Levi whispered something against my ear.

“I love you, Eren.”

He makes me feel alive.

With those simple words and a particularly good thrust I came crashing down from my high. He pulled his fingers away from my mouth while I collapsed on him. I was exhausted, because that was the best orgasm I have ever had. No whips or kinky stuff, just a few words.

Levi had come right after me, choking his cries against my shoulder. We were both panting crazily, eyes glazed over.

I gasped when I noticed the blood on my fingertips. I had accidentally broken his skin with my nails a moment ago. Hastily I moved away from his lap, running with wobbly legs in the bathroom, leaving a dumbfounded Levi to stare after me.

“Wait! What the fuck you’re doing, brat?” I heard him shout when I searched for the first-aid kit. After founding it, I took it and a wet cloth with me and went back to him.

I was met with a storm in his steely eyes.

“Wha-“

“Shush. I accidentally scratched your back.” I murmured while fussing around with the band aids. I looked at his back, and saw the long marks on it.

“Ow, those had to hurt. Looks like sick wings if you ask me,” I murmured again and started washing them.

“The marks are one reason why I cummed after all.” Levi answered. I stared at him in wonder.

“I can’t even feel them anymore, so stop fussing around!”

“No! They might get infected.”

“Eren.”

“No! Just stay still.”

In the end he obeyed, and I got to threat his wounds.

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore, never again. When I saw that blood pour from your shoulder back then, I thought that… that was it. I wouldn’t be able to hold you anymore.” I mumbled, not sure if I was voicing it or not.

Levi’s sigh indicated that he had heard my unclear words.

“I’m alive, Eren. I’m here.” he whispered, making me go blind with tears.

“You’re alive and I love you.” I whispered and wrapped my hands around him. We just sat there, naked and dirty, trying to get over the possibility that we could’ve lost each other for good. It was painful enough that we got to live a few months while both of us thought that the other was gone.

Levi took one of my hands and kissed my knuckles one by one.

After that I finished treating the wounds and cleaning myself somewhat clean from the stickiness. But while I was at it, Levi stopped me

We went under the blue soft covers and curled around each other. I was exhausted both physically and mentally, but I didn’t nod off instantly like I thought I would.

I took a hold of Levi’s hand and intertwined our fingers together. When I stared at the dark form of our hands, I realized how happy I was. Okay, Kenny was still freely roaming the New York’s streets with his mafia, but right now I was content.

I love and I am loved.

“I love you.” Levi murmured from the darkness and kissed my forehead.

“I love you.” I answered more clearly than ever before.

We repeated it over and over again, softly murmuring it against the other’s skin, until we fell asleep.

He was everything I needed to feel like living my life to the fullest again.