Chapter Text
Sunday, 19 May, 2013
“Report.”
“No damage today, sir. Just like there was no damage yesterday, as well as no damage the day before. Nova Prospekt is, as of now, damage free.”
“Don’t call me sir.”
“You know, my dad always thought I should call him sir. But the only time I ever actually did was when he was being a right arse.”
“Cheers, Sapphie”
“Piss off, Q.”
Q turned and smiled at Sapphire as they stood in the doorway of the hackerspace, a leash in Sapphie’s hand. It had been five days since James and Alec and brought the goat back. So far, the goat had been on his best behavior, but Q wasn’t taking any chances. By tomorrow, the creature would be gone – hopefully – and Q could breathe a sigh of relief. As it turned out, Sapphire was able to take him home with her, but Q didn’t like burdening her with it. While James had been mildly petulant in his attempt to school Q over who exactly had brought the goat back, he was still right. Alec was the responsible party. Truthfully Q was more upset with Alec for lying about their guest’s length of stay, rather than why he was here to begin with. Alec did have good reason, after all.
Of course, that didn’t stop him from banning the pair from at least his flat in revenge. They came in each day to Nova – never together – and lingered until Q, who tried to ignore them, finally got frustrated and made them leave. The problem was he knew he was being childish and, frankly, he was really lonely. He was more miserable about them not being around than he was about Phil being around. Stupid goat, getting in the way of his relationships.
Q looked down at Phil, who had wandered over to his pile of blankets near Summer’s regular computer and was laying down, staring back at them. “Look, I know you need to open up next door. Give me the leash and I’ll watch him for now.”
Sapphire eyed Q suspiciously. “Are you sure?”
“You know, contrary to popular belief, my head will not actually spontaneously combust if left alone with the creature.”
Sapphire snorted. “Well, considering the fact that you went nuclear on both of your boyfriends, you’ll have to excuse me if I don’t immediately jump to believe you on that one.”
Q looked back at her with a guilty expression, but didn’t immediately respond. After a moment, he reached out for the leash and she wordlessly dropped it in his hand before turning and walking off. Q finally wandered over to the goat and sat down, cross-legged, in front of him. He stared at Phil, as though trying to burrow into his thoughts.
"Look. I know this whole thing isn't your fault, but I can't have you here. You could get into things that could harm both you and my space." Phil looked up at Q with doleful eyes. Q tried to look away, but it didn't seem to help. He could feel Phil staring at him, all pitiful.
When Phil bleated at him, Q’s heart gave a little lurch, which he was determined to resolutely ignore. "Oh stop it. Sad eyes will get you nowhere." Q said, as he turned back. Phil's eyes got even wider, opening up horizontally instead of vertically, which Q found equal parts disconcerting and fascinating. Phil was obviously doing it on purpose. He was just that good.
"Seriously, stop it. This isn't working!" Q tried turning away again, but as luck would have it, Phil reached out, dropping a hoof on Q's forearm. Damn, the little hell beast.
Q looked down at Phil. He really was quite small, and just completely beyond adorable. Q's eyes traveled down to the hoof on his arm and back up at the black and white furriness staring up at him. "Look, I get that you need a place to stay. I also get that you were rescued from certain death. I mean, with Alec doing the rescuing, how could you not become attached? I'm attached. Quite a lot actually. But I just don't see how it could work for you here..."
Phil withdrew his leg before curling up, seemingly intent on ignoring Q's words and attempting to go to sleep. Q sat for a few more moments, before petting Phil on the head and getting up. Several of his hackerspace members were due to arrive shortly, so he didn't feel the need to watch Phil's every move. In actuality, his members were volunteering to show up in what appeared to be regular intervals. Q didn't want to admit that they were aiming for consistency because of Phil, but not a single Nova Prospekt member in the history of forever had expressed interest in a regular schedule. Now they all seemed to be showing up in shifts.
----
Alec stood outside the cafe smoking what must have been his third fag in the last thirty minutes. It was dark inside, but he knew Sapphire would be there any minute to start opening up. She normally worked nights, except on Sunday, when the owner, Alan Seigel, took his wife to church. Alec had a key, but at this point, he wouldn't have put it past Q to have changed the locks.
Alec hadn't seen Q in two days. He had tried to come in to see Phil and check up on Q, but Q was resolutely choosing to ignore him. After the third day of Q heading into the back and shouting out to the general group that he was not to be disturbed as soon as Alec showed up, Alec figured he could take a hint and stopped coming.
Today, though, Alec got up early to head over when he knew most of the members wouldn't be there and he could use the empty hackerspace to his advantage. It was time to ambush Q.
Just as Alec was debating a fourth cigarette, the lights came on in the cafe and he saw Sapphire come around the side door that lead the the hackerspace. He tapped lightly on the glass, hoping to get her attention without scaring her half to death. When she looked up to see who it was, she let out a resigned sigh at the sight before coming to unlock the door.
'He's next door," she said, as she opened the door and stepped aside to let Alec in. "You should know that he's actually babysitting Phil right now."
Alec raised his eyebrows at her. "Really?" he asked, a bit warily. "Does that mean he's in a bad mood?"
Sapphire finished locking the door behind them before turning to face Alec. She paused, looking at Alec thoughtfully, as though choosing her words carefully. "Not a bad mood, per se. He actually sounded chipper, but I know him better than that. Alec, he's miserable." She walked over to Alec, shoving him lightly in the chest. "And it's your fault! You bring this thing here and he doesn't want it, but you leave it anyway," Alec opened his mouth to interrupt, but she cut him off and started pacing. "I know you didn't have a choice, he didn't give you one. I got the whole story. But instead of fighting him on it, or even fighting for him when he decided to ignore you guys, you just stopped coming! So now, he has a goat he doesn't want and he doesn't have the two boyfriends he does want. That's not right or fair."
"Sapphie, I get that. What do you think I'm doing here?" Alec went to grab that fourth cigarette he now so desperately wanted, only to have Sapphire snatch the pack out of his hands.
"No smoking in here."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" The look Alec got in return told him enough. He walked over and sat on one of the bar stools. He turned to face her, his hands folded in his lap. "Fine. Whatever. I just need to fix this." He looked up at her, his expression hopeful. "Any bright ideas? Any peace offerings you can think of?"
"Seriously?" She laughed. "You're in a coffee shop and you're asking me what peace offering you can take the guy who would mainline caffeine if he could figure out a way to not die from it?"
She walked over and started up the espresso machine. "Ten minutes and I'll make him fall for you all over again."
____
Bond was punking. God he hated how American that made him sound, but there was no other word for it. Here he was, standing outside Q's flat for the better part of fifteen minutes, and he couldn't bring himself to knock on the door.
Q wasn't scary.
Not at all.
Not in the slightest.
Short of having limbs removed, Bond had been tortured in some of the most ungodly ways imaginable.
He could handle anything.
Q wasn't scary.
Just keep repeating that mantra, maybe it'll stick.
The fact of the matter was that Bond loved Q. Probably more than he'd ever loved anyone or anything, save Alec and England. So Q shutting him and Alec out to the point where he hadn't spoken to them in days scared the ever-loving shit out of him. So okay, fine. Q was scary.
And Bond couldn't bring himself to knock on a bloody door.
Fucking goat.
Fucking Alec.
Coffee and a cigarette, that's what Bond needed. After all, Q wasn't going anywhere. Bond turned and headed down to the cafe. It was Sunday, which meant Sapphire was opening up. She liked him. Maybe she'd talk to him.
He walked around to the front and up to the door to knock. When she turned and saw him standing there, she laughed before coming over to let him in.
"What's so funny?" he asked, sliding past her after she opened the door. He started walking over to the counter
"It just appears to be a day for apologies, that's all. I assume that's why you’re here?"
"Yeah it is," he said, then stopped, turning back to her. "A day for apologies?"
Sapphire walked over behind the bar to start pouring him a cup of coffee. "Your other half just headed next door, intent on the same thing," she smiled before passing the paper cup over to Bond.
"Well, that explains why his room was empty this morning," Bond responded, taking a sip.
Sapphire folded her arms on the bar and leaned over a bit, looking intently at Bond. "So here's the deal. You guys screwed up. Or Alec screwed up. One of you two screwed up, but it's safe to say that where one goes, so goes the other's nation." Bond huffed at her, but didn't respond. She wasn't that far off. "I'm going to tell you the same thing I told him. Q has been miserable without you two. Now I get that you guys were away on business for a month and that this particular exile right now is his doing. But see, he's just as stubborn as you guys are, especially you, James. He doesn't really want to fight over that sodding goat, but he doesn't know how to ask you guys to come back without having to apologise himself. So go be a big boy and apologise yourself. Even if - "
"But this whole mess wasn't my fault!" Bond interrupted.
"Even if it wasn't your fault," she finished. She straightened back up, leaving her hands on the counter. "Stop being idiot male children. I mean, I swear to god. Three men? And two of them are you two? That's too much testosterone for the entire Eastern Hemisphere. How the fuck you three do it, I'll never know."
Bond took another sip, smiling behind his cup. "There are ways to deal with that. Trust me."
____
Clutching his coffee in one hand and the requisite triple espresso in the other, Alec headed over to find Q. When he walked in, the place looked deserted, but he could hear Q in the back tinkering away. It sounded like he was soldering something, actually. Well, shit. Alec really didn't want to talk to Q when he was holding a soldering gun.
Alec noticed Phil curled up on his pile of blankets, seemingly waiting for Summer to arrive. Knowing that he was stalling, Alec walked over and set the coffees on the edge of the desk. He rested on his heels so he could pet Phil, who apparently was either just going to sleep or had just woken up, Alec couldn't tell.
"Well hello there, little guy. Everyone treating you okay? Is Q being nice to you?” Alec moved over further, resting on his knees. He continued petting Phil, who started nuzzling into Alec’s hand. “Sapphie told me he was watching you this morning. I hope you aren’t causing him too much trouble. He’s rather pissed at me right now and, frankly, whether he forgives me or not sort of hinges on you. So be a good sport for another day? I’d actually like to see Q again, if you don’t mind.”
“Who’s out here – Alec is that you?” Just going to show how out of sorts Alec was, he didn’t hear Q until he was walking up, completely startling the agent.
Alec flinched upwards and banged his head on the underside of the desk, sending both coffees toppling over the edge, only to land on Alec’s jumper and splash onto Phil. “FUCK!” Alec shouted. Phil screeched and jumped up, hitting the wall behind him in his attempt to get away from whatever had landed on him. Alec scrambled backwards, trying to rip his jumper off and rub his head at the same time, only to fall back, nearly kicking Phil in the process.
“Phil!” Q yelled, running over. He scooped up the goat and ran towards the back. Alec stood up and stumbled after him, still trying to get his soaked jumper off and away from his skin. Q went over and deposited Phil in the sink before turning on the cold water. “Are you insane?” Q snapped without looking back. “What were you thinking putting hot coffee right on the edge of the table like that!”
“Oh yeah, no need to worry about me, I’m fine,” Alec muttered, finally getting the jumper off. For good measure, he stripped his undershirt off, as well.
It was at that moment that Bond came running in. “What the fuck is going on in here?” He scanned the room, only to land on Alec stripping his clothes off and Q pouring cold water over the goat. Alec looked down and saw that Bond had actually drawn his gun. “It sounded like a bloody fight was breaking out.”
“You can put the gun away, James, “ he said, sighing. “The only real danger here seems to be Q’s newfound ability to sneak up on me.” As James holstered his gun, Alec walked over to check on Phil, and apparently, a very distraught Q.
“What were you thinking, Alec?” Q hissed, still not looking away from Phil. He was scouring the goat, looking for signs of a serious burn, but evidently not finding any. He breathed out a sigh of relief. “Well, you got lucky. It looks like you missed. Who sets coffee on the edge of a desk? Honestly."
“Seriously, Q? Seriously?!” There was nothing for it, now, Alec was pissed. He strode back towards the middle of the room before rounding on a very surprised Q. “I was trying to bring you coffee! I was trying to come in here and make peace with you! You refuse to talk to either of us for days – after we haven’t seen you in weeks – all because of a creature you now seem to apparently give a shit about more than us!”
James spoke up first. “Alec, I don’t think that’s the case. I –”
“Really, James?” Alec asked with disdain. “Because I’m the one soaked in scalding coffee, but all he cares about," Alec gestured in Q’s direction, “are a couple splashes on the damned goat!”
"Well, to be perfectly honest, you are fairly more indestructable than the goat," came Bond's dry response.
"Yes, because sarcasm is what I'm looking for right now. Seriously, I could have come back with a wife, and truthfully, I probably would have gotten less of an appalled reaction than I'm getting right now!"
“I’m sorry,” Q all but whispered from behind him.
“What?” Alec rounded back towards Q.
Q looked up at Alec, guilt written all over his face. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You're right. You were in a situation and at no point was I in any way helpful.” Q picked up Phil out of the sink and cradled him, soaking his own clothes. “You came to me for help, and instead of actually helping, I shoved you both away. And for what?” Q looked down at Phil. “Because of this little guy, who has proven to be no harm to anyone or anything. He has been a model citizen since day one. I, obviously, cannot say the same for me.” Q looked back up and between Alec and Bond. He looked tired and dejected and about 10 years younger than he normally did.
Without even thinking about it, Alec strode over to Q’s side and wrapped his arms around him. Q turned to bury his face in Alec’s chest, all the while clutching tightly to Phil. Alec leaned down to kiss the top of Q’s head. “It’s all right. I shouldn’t have shoved him on you like it was your problem and I definitely shouldn’t have lied to you,” Alec said. “I’m an arse. You know this. I know this. I’m pretty sure anyone who’s ever entered this building knows this.”
“Just this building?” Bond responded, giving a little laugh as he strode over. He reached out, putting his hand on the nape of Q’s neck. Q turned his head and peeked out at him.
“If the radius of that statement doesn’t extend to include all of England and at least half of Europe, I might still have to continue calling him a liar,” Q answered back, smiling. “James, I’m sorry to you, as well. I lumped you into this and it really was never your fault. Alec’s the pushy idiot, not you.”
“Oi!”
Q laughed as he wriggled out of Alec’s arms, only to turn directly into Bond’s. Following suit, Bond also leaned in to kiss the top of Q’s head. Not once did Q loosen his hold on Phil. The poor thing was starting to wriggle in Q’s arms, clearly uncomfortable at Q’s ever-increasing vice grip.
“Um, Q?” Alec asked, slowly reaching for Phil. “You think you might want to ease up a bit on Phil? I think you might be starting to suffocate him”
Blinking in surprise, Q looked down. When he saw how tightly he was holding Phil, he loosened his grip and set him on the ground. “Oh god, sorry. Sorry, Phil!” The goat shook himself out and started wandering back into the main room. Q automatically started to follow him, not realising that Bond was still holding onto him.
“Q, I think he’ll be fine out there on his own,” Bond said, not letting go of Q.
“No, but he could get hurt. I should really go stay with him,” he said, watching Phil walk off with something of concern.
Alec looked at Bond over the top of Q’s head, who was still trying to wriggle free. He touched Q lightly on the shoulder, trying to get his attention. “Q? What’s this all about?”
“Nothing! I just don’t want him getting into anything.”
Bond finally released Q. “Are you sure that’s it?”
“Of course it is,” Q said, rather evasively. “He’s just had a trauma and now he’s anxious and could get into things.” Q started walking towards the front room, avoiding Alec and Bond’s gazes.
“Right.” Alec said under his breath as he and Bond immediately followed Q out. Q might have them wrapped around his finger, but they were still top level agents for MI6. They could spot subterfuge a kilometer away. Several hundred kilometers away.
When they walked into the main room, Q made a beeline for Phil, who was heading directly for his blankets. Instead of letting Phil lie down, Q picked up one of the blankets and, taking care, started drying Phil off with it. The sight was too precious for words and the increasingly small part of Alec that told him he didn’t love Q – that those emotions were for Bond – broke off in another chunk.
Alec watched as Q finished drying Phil, setting the wet blanket aside. He then took the remaining blankets and fluffed them up to compensate for the loss of one. Q finally turned to check on Phil’s water and food dishes. Q sat back and smiled, visibly satisfied, before turning back to Alec and Bond, somewhat sheepishly. “All right, fine. Phil is bloody adorable and he’s well behaved and everyone loves having him here, and as it would seem, so do I.” He turned to watch as Phil, who apparently wasn’t tired anymore, started trotting around the center table, nosing his way in and out of the chairs. “Maybe he doesn’t have to leave tomorrow. Maybe we can try it out for a bit.”
"Really?" Alec asked, surprised. Of all the things he expected Q to say about the goat, that certainly wasn't it.
"Yes," Q said, keeping an eye on Phil as he ran and jumped around the room. "At least for now. We'll just need to figure out where he'll stay and how best to get him exercise."
As if to prove Q's last point, Phil took off to the other side of the room before looping back and ramming straight into Bond’s legs.
“Ow!” Bond yelped. Surprised, he leaned over to rub his shin. “God, that actually hurt!”
Alec laughed, “Looks like the little guy has more power in him than he appears.”
“I know someone else like that,” Bond said, straightening back up and smiling at Q.
“Then maybe releasing him on Intentions isn’t such a bad idea?”
“Which one? Phil or Q?”
“Who says we can’t send both?"
“No one is sending me anywhere,” Q said as he stood up and walked over to stand in front of the two of them. “And Phil really can’t stay here all the time. It's just my flat’s out. I mean, with Gordon and Chell...” Q trailed off, shuddering at the thought.
“No, you’re right,” Bond said, pulling Q in and wrapping his arms around Q’s waist. Q leaned in to kiss Bond’s neck. “You know, Alec, I think it’s time we finally buy that house,” he said, not taking his eyes off Q.
Alec came around behind Q and rested his hands on Q’s shoulders as he leaned back into Alec, closing his eyes. “You know, I think you might be right.”
“But I’m thinking that maybe this one we don’t burn down?”
Looking over the top of Q’s head, Alec grinned wickedly at Bond. “We’ll see.”