Chapter Text
The Anderson’s life did in fact change after Robert and Anita told Blaine the truth about his condition. There were a lot of questions and restless nights. The routines they worked so hard to establish slowly changed. Anita no longer needed to come up with excuses to keep Blaine at home when she or Robert went out. The weeks following the revelation were the toughest and the happiness Blaine felt when he learned the truth about himself was short lived.
He thought that simply putting the gloves on would make everything okay.
Blaine did not expect the books Doctor Porter sent him to be so… explicit. His dad mentioned that some of the information might be too much or too advanced for him to fully understand but Blaine didn’t realize how intense learning so much at once could be.
He managed to get a few pages into one of the pamphlets before shutting it closed at the sight of actual diagrams and charts.
Deciding that maybe he didn’t need to know the exact mechanics of how certain things worked for the time being, Blaine settled on reading a book written by Doctor Porter that talked about safety and security. He figured that if his parents were worried about his safety, he should get as informed as he could to show them how responsible he could be.
So Blaine read. He read about the first people diagnosed, about how their urges started manifesting at different ages but always developed around puberty. He learned that some people were used as sex slaves or sold into the sex worker industries. Blaine was shocked, his parents’ fear didn’t seem so unfounded suddenly. Knowing that people like him were violated in such a way, it scared him.
What Blaine found to be the most interesting were the first hand stories Doctor Porter had put together from other patients. They spoke of how they learned to deal with the illness, as some of them called it.
Before he realized it, he was crying, shaking with the force of his sobs. It wasn’t until his mother rushed into his room and cradled him in her arms that he finally understood why his parents hid him away from the rest of the world.
Robert joined them not long after, sitting on the comfortable chair near Blaine’s bed. But Blaine was lost in his own mind, sobbing into his mother’s embrace before he drifted off into a restless sleep.
Anita and Robert sat with their son, like they had for so many nights but this time Blaine also shared their fear.
---
Blaine spent much of those following weeks and months with his nose tucked away in a book or an article. He read and read and cried and screamed. He laughed and smiled and when he was alone at night he blushed. A lot.
He asked a lot of questions. At first they were about himself. Did he ever react differently? Was there ever a time he didn’t have a reaction? Did Robert or Anita think he was a freak?
Did they resent him for taking over their lives?
Blaine had never seen his father cry until he asked that question. Robert stood up from the breakfast bar and rushed toward his son, not bothering to hide his tears as he swore to everything he loved and held dearly in his life that Blaine and his mother were the best thing that ever happened to him. And nothing could ever make him feel differently; nothing could make him love Blaine any less or make him resent him.
The months passed and their routines started to break. Robert would wake up and make breakfast, Anita baked more of her own recipes and experimented with new ones. Blaine took an interest in sports, he knew now he could never play them but he found it was something new he and his father could share.
---
Two years later the Andersons were still adjusting to their new routines.
For his sixteenth birthday, Robert and Anita took Blaine to a small restaurant in Columbus. It was the first time he went to the city since he was an infant and even though it wasn’t a metropolis, it was still the most amazing thing Blaine had ever seen.
They spent the afternoon at home, playing music and baking a cake. Blaine wasn’t expecting much more, the previous year had been tough for the three of them. The majority of the time they coped with the new changes in their life well, but there were some days when Blaine wanted to go to the mall and talk to other people his own age. It didn’t matter to him that he had never actually stepped foot in a mall or that he didn’t actually have any friends to talk to. On those days Blaine would yell and refuse to do any of his school work. He would not practice piano and he would not play catch with his dad.
Those were the days Robert yelled and Anita nitpicked.
Eventually the yelling and the anger would stop, they would apologize and make up.
Those days were easy.
Other times Blaine would despair over his misfortune. Who could ever really get to know him? He’s never had any friends and he probably never will. He can’t leave his parents side out of fear of touching another person and turning into a writhing mess of need and desperation.
What was the point of doing anything at all? Learning about his condition wouldn’t stop him from having it? Playing the piano made no sense, no one would ever hear him play. Even singing, something his mother had been encouraging him to do more of seemed pointless.
Robert told Blaine that he had real promise and his musical abilities were exceptional. But what did it matter, he would never sing for anyone beside his mom and dad.
Those days were the hardest.
On those days Blaine would refuse to get out of bed. He wouldn’t eat and he wouldn’t speak. He would cry and cry before sleeping for hours on end.
Even his sleep was compromised. If he wasn’t tossing and turning he would have nightmares of faceless strangers crowding around him, stripping him of his clothing and inching their cold, clammy hands towards his bare skin. He would always wake up, screaming before they had a chance to touch him but Blaine’s terror always feels so real that he has trouble finding sleep again.
Wrapped up in between these kinds of days the Andersons do their best to stay positive.
They enjoyed their time in Columbus, Blaine knew his parents probably paid extra to be seated in a corner table, where blaine could sit along the walls and thus be separated from the rest of the restaurant’s guests. Their waitress eyed his gloves and long sleeves carefully before shrugging it off as a peculiar teenage thing. But none of those things bothered Blaine.
On their way out a young man at a neighboring table caught Blaine’s attention. He seemed to be tall, Blaine couldn’t really tell since he was sitting but he had a strong looking build. His shoulders were broad and it wouldn’t be surprising if his waist tapered off thinly beneath the well tailored blazer he wore. His hair looked finely styled, and dark. He was probably around Blaine’s age if not a bit older. He was with other people but Blaine could not stop looking at the man. He was laughing at something the girl sitting next to him said. Blaine felt an unfamiliar tug in the pit of his stomach when he saw the dark haired man rest his arm low on the girl’s waist when she leaned in close to him.
Blaine’s attention was brought back to his family, his father was asking him if he was ready to go, their dessert had just been cleared away and it seemed like their bill had been paid for. Blaine nodded absent mindedly, he tried not to think about why he had been staring at the man for so long. He blushed as he passed by the man’s table on their way out, looking away when they got close enough.
His mom noticed his suddenly silence and asked him if everything was alright. He shook his head before forcing a laugh, he smiled as he followed her and his father, saying he was just looking around once more in order to commit the restaurant to memory.
Together the three Andersons walked toward their car, but Blaine’s mind was still on the dark haired man.
---
Blaine did his best to distract himself from the same thoughts that had been bothering him for weeks. Most days he would strum away on his guitar, a present from his mother, or explore the web on his new laptop. His dad gave it to him the night they returned from Columbus, Robert said he wanted Blaine to have a bit more freedom (“Exploring the world might not be in the cards right now, son, but this way you can go somewhere else without risking your safety.”), sure Blaine would have preferred a plane ticket to anywhere in the world but this would do for now. He appreciated the gesture nonetheless.
But even taking virtual tours of museums and watching videos of live concerts couldn’t distract Blaine from the troubling thoughts he could not seem to escape.
It was the man from the restaurant on his birthday. Why couldn’t Blaine get him out of his mind? Why did glimpses of his strong looking arms pop into his head at random times of the day?
The problem was not only the restaurant guy, though. It was the boy that works at the grocery store, the one that always bags their groceries and has dimples and great hair.
It’s his neighbors’ grandson, the one with the toothy smile and sweet laugh.
Blaine’s problem was his sudden interest in boys.
He remember the conversation he had with his father about the birds and the bees. Robert told him that when a young man meets a young woman sometimes he’ll get feelings that are very strong and natural; that boys and girls are naturally attracted to each other and those were just the facts of life. He said some other stuff too but Blaine tried very hard to forget all the embarrassing things about s-e-x his father said.
Yet he remembers very specifically that his father absolutely did not say anything about a boy having those sorts of feelings about another boy. Blaine doesn’t think it has to do with his condition, he knows none of his books and information from Doctor Porter say anything about boys wanting to do that sort of stuff with each other.
He is so confused. He would not dare ask his dad about it, he didn’t want to risk upsetting him. He doesn’t actually understand why his dad might be upset, but Blaine decides to play it safe either way. And he definitely cannot ask his mom. They would both be mortified.
Blaine sighs loudly as he sits himself at the desk chair, running his hands through his hair before resting his chin on his hands against the desk.
Then the solution hits him. He has a perfectly functioning way of finding answers for himself. He turns on his laptop and taps his fingers against the chair while it powers up. Once its up and running Blaine pulls up a search engine, his fingers hovering over the keyboard.
He types in the words, teenage boy interested in men , and hits enter.
Blaine feels a bit giddy for a second while he waits for the page to load, excited at the idea of finally getting some insight.
Everyone of the links leads him somewhere new but each page shares one common factor: Gay.
Gay man looking for young hot guy for fun.
Gay males in your area.
Gay. Gay. Gay.
Blaine stops as he takes a deep breath. Could he be gay? What does that mean anyway?
He never really took the time to think about it before now, his parents always monitored what he watched on television and which books he read. He hardly spoke more than a few words to anyone other than his mom and dad for the first fourteen years of his life and after that, his communication with others has been basically nonexistent.
Dating and relationships seem like such a foreign idea. Even before he found out about his condition, Blaine hardly spared a thought on it. Since then his time was spent on learning as much as he could about his condition and staying safe.
None of that time was spent on actually thinking about another person romantically, let alone in a sexual way. Blaine thought about going to a movie or an amusement park, about having friends and being carefree. He worried about being touched accidentally or being hurt.
He did not think about what would actually happen if any of those things occurred. He did not think about who he would have that kind of reaction toward. Blaine assumed his vulnerability would pertain to being touched by a woman. The rare moments he thought about his condition being triggered his thoughts went to the mortification, the humiliation of losing control of himself in such a way. Not to the actual sex acts he would want to engage in. The possibility of engaging in sex with someone that was not a woman had not occurred to him.
Blaine’s mind was racing, how could he not have thought of this before.
His condition could be triggered by a man.
He is a boy and he is attracted to other boys.
If by some strange random act of the universe he were to ever meet someone and that person were to get to know him well enough to love him, to touch him; Blaine knows the possibility of sex is there. He could potentially have sex… with a man.
Blaine feels as if he’s one step away from spontaneous combustion, his entire body feels too hot, his legs seem to have a mind of their own as they gitter up and down. His stomach is in knots, everything feels like it could crush him.
Blaine has never met a gay man before. He’s never really met anyone before, but that’s besides the point.
He has no idea how they act, what do they do? Where do they live?
How in the world do they have sex?
That question seems to be the one that brings him back from his racing thoughts.
He looks at his laptop again. He reaches over and opens a new tab. He types Gay sex into the search engine before pushing enter and taking quick, fast breaths as he waits.
His eyes bug out when the search result shows turns up hundreds pages. He reads unfamiliar words -twink, sissy boy, looking for a sweet fuck toy- Blaine is blushing up to his ears but he can’t stop clicking through pages.
Without thinking, he clicks on a video link, Teaching My Sweet Twink How to Fuck.
Blaine jumps when several pop up ads open, he closes them quickly before the screen clears and he sees the most horrifying images he has ever seen.
A young looking guy, pretty and small, is laying naked on a bed in a dingy looking room with his hands tied against the bed posts, his face looks like he’s been crying and there seems to be spit and sweat gathered at his brow. He is wailing as an older looking man pounds into him.
Blaine is finally able to gain control of his body after moments of bone tingling shock enough to close the window and shut his laptop close before jumping out of his chair.
Panic attack. He is totally having a panic attack.
Blaine is pretty damn sure he is attracted to men. Men that like other men are gay, and gay men have gay sex.
And based on what he just saw, gay sex is the most horrific, terrifying thing in the planet; possibly the galaxy.
Somehow he managed to sit at the edge of his bed, leaning down to put his head between his legs and take long, deep breaths. He loses track of how long he sits there like that but once he feels like himself again he lets himself lean back enough to lay motionless on the mattress.
He is Blaine Anderson, just turned sixteen years old. He’s lived in the same house since infancy, his mother homeschools him and he’s never had a single friend.
He has a rare skin condition, if and when he is touched by anyone but his parents, he could become an insatiable, horny, desperate mess until he is literally fucked senseless.
And he’s gay.
Blaine is, without a doubt, a complete and total freak.
---
Anita decides to go back to work after realizing Blaine didn’t need rely on her as much. He was becoming an independent person and he would soon be done with his schooling. Together they create a new resume and send it out to several places in town and the surrounding area. Anita bakes for days, trying new recipes and perfecting old ones. Blaine helps her with everything and Robert serves as a very willing taste tester every night after work.
Robert decided a couple months prior that even though he would probably never need to, Blaine should know how to drive. The two of them practiced for weeks before Blaine actually took the wheel. The day before his seventeenth birthday, both Anderson men went to a nearby empty lot to practice for a few hours. When they returned home, they were greeted with a beautiful cake.
“Ann, the kid’s birthday isn’t until tomorrow.”
“Not a kid! Could a kid parallel park that well?”
Robert playfully shoved Blaine, laughing joyfully. Anita turns from where she’s standing near the stove.
“I wanted to get a head start, plus, we have more than one thing to celebrate.”, Anita beams.
Robert and Blaine share a look of confusion until Anita hands them an envelope.
Blaine grabs it before his dad and reads, “Mrs. Anita Anderson, we at the Rochelle Bakery are very glad to offer you a position with us-” Blaine stops as he runs to hug his mom, “You got the job? You got the job!”
The three of them laugh, ecstatic with the news.
“It’s part time, I’ll only be working three or fours days a week for a few hours during the afternoon but it could turn into a full time thing. I don’t know, but it’s a start, right?”
Blaine thinks seeing his mother this happy is the best gift he could ever receive.
---
So maybe the second best birthday gift he could ever receive is a car. It’s belated but after Blaine passed the driver’s test and got his license, his parents decided to splurge and buy their son a car.
They hand him the keys the weekend before Anita is to start at the bakery, but not before a serious discussion about the rules and guidelines this new responsibility came with.
He needs to tell someone if he going to be out of the house, he has to be responsible for the upkeep and take care of the car. He can’t leave the town without one of his parents with him. The same rules apply, safety first, no matter what.
Blaine is sure there are more rules, he was listening but that first week of being both a new car owner (sure his parents technically owned the car, but the point still stands) and having the house to himself for the first time in his life, he couldn’t be blamed for being a bit absent minded.
His mom was going to work different days depending on the week, some alternating days, others varied. The first week she worked three days straight. She started on a Wednesday and continued into that Friday. Blaine didn’t want to seem too eager, he was rather proud of himself for staying home that first day.
He didn’t have the same restraint the following day, unfortunately once he actually got in the car and drove into town, his nerves got the best of him. He drove around for a while but could not bring himself to actually stop or get out of the car. He rode around for a bit before going home in time to greet his mother after work.
The rest of the week and the following week were more of the same. Blaine would try to hold out for as long as he could but as soon as his mother’s car was out of sight he get in his car and drive around town, but no matter how much he hyped himself up, after awhile he would turn around and go home without leaving his car.
---
Anita treats them to dinner at cozy restaurant in town to celebrate her new job, it’s a Sunday night and the place is busy but its been years since they had to stress about crowds. They try not to limit themselves, going to dinner or lunch at different places around town. It’s not an everyday thing but they make an effort to have family outings at least twice a month.
They enjoy their dinner, Florentine’s is the best place for pasta for miles, normally Robert orders take from there but decided to give the actual restaurant a try. It’s in an older part of town, the street is commercial. There is a day spa next door and boutiques and shops line the block.
Blaine is looking out the window when he sees it. The building looks old, probably older than the ones surrounding it. The storefront has two large windows on either side of the entrance door. He can tell that there are signs and pictures lining the corners of those windows. What really catches his eyes are the instruments on display. There is a beautiful parlor grand piano in the shop and guitars are on the wall from what he can tell.
The angle at which he’s sitting doesn’t allow him much of a view but he sees the cute hanging sign, Ellie’s.
“-you know he always does this, his attention can’t focus on more than one thing at a time when we’re somewhere new.”
“Yes, but I was asking him about his week, I’ve hardly seen him.”
“Ann, you’re with him every day.”
“I know, but this has been the longest I’ve been away from Blaine, I’m adjusting.”
Blaine finally looks at his parents, blushing when he realizes both of them are looking at him amused.
He laughs before ducking his head. “I was doing it again, right?”, he ask knowing very well that he his parents are laughing at his short attention span. New places do that to him, he needs to see everything, commit it to memory and save it for later when he’s daydreaming.
“It’s alright, son. We understand. But talk to your mother, can’t you see she wants to catch up with you?” Robert jokes before reaching for a bread roll.
---
His mother leaves for work early the next day, saying she wants to stop to run some errands before she heads to the bakery. The previous night had Blaine laying awake in bed. He couldn’t stop his mind from bringing up images of the music shop. Ellie’s - it was a decent sized place, he could tell by the size of the storefront. Blaine tries not to think about it too much as he gets dressed. Sometimes he wonders why he bothers to get fully dressed every day. He presses his clothing and has his closet expertly organized. His mother dressed him with bow ties since he was a child and the habit is a hard one to grow out of.
He decides to keep his outfit casual, dark wash jeans and a white polo shirt. He pairs it with a maroon colored cardigan and wears dark loafers. He finishes the look with a simple bow navy bow tie with white stitching.
Blaine gels his hair into submission, something he recently started doing, and grabs his keys. He tells himself he’ll take a drive around town, maybe even stop at the park to feed and sing with the birds.
The day is nice and sunny, there are a few people in the streets, mostly people with small children or older men and women. Before he knows it Blaine is parking, but not in front of the park, he’s sitting just a few feet away from Ellie’s.
The place is empty. It’s half past ten in the morning, his car is the only one in the small parking space. Closing his eyes he feels his heart beat, he can do this. One small store with no one inside. Sure there will be someone working in there, there has to be but they won’t bother him.
He grips the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white. He huffs out a labored breath as he reaches over to the glove compartment. He takes out his nude colored gloves, slipping them on. Blaine takes the keys out of the ignition and opens the car door. He makes sure to lock his Prius, he’ll be able to see it from inside the shop but he won’t risk leaving it unlocked, safety and all that.
Beautiful, Blaine thinks as he walks into the shop. As he suspected the night before the place is bigger than he first thought. The piano he saw has a place all its own, it looks old and loved, probably not for sale then. He has one at home so it’s not like he would want to buy it anyway, not to mention the fact that it was probably very expensive.
He walks further inside, the wall near the register is lined with shelving that holds several different types of string instruments.Blaine notices the cozy look corner where there are a few comfortable looking chairs and a large couch. In another corner there are bookshelves full to the brim with all sorts of titles. In the middle of the space there are stands with what must be music books and sheet music.
Blaine startles when he hears someone clear their throat behind him. He turns, his breath catching when he sees the other man. He is stunning. Perhaps its the sunlight but Blaine thinks he’s glowing. He is taller than him, slender and fit. His chestnut hair is styled to perfection, making him look taller still. He is wearing a light grey oxford, the sleeves are rolled up to reveal his biceps.
Blaine blinks when he hears the man laugh, smiling at him in amusement.
“Good morning, can I help you with anything?” the man asks, eyes, very blue eyes, shining.
Blaine knows its not polite to stare, he shakes his head before letting it duck forward, his eyes flutter as he tries to regain focus. His parents are right. He lacks focus in new places.
“I- I mean, um.” Blaine tries, he feels his cheeks burning, he mentally curses himself. This gorgeous guy is talking to him and all he can manage to do is stammer.
“I’m just looking-” he finally manages to blurt out, “around. It’s a very beautiful store.”
Blaine feels his stomach flutter as the other man smiles at him, he brings his hand to his elbow, squeezing it in order to ground himself.
“Oh, thank you! Do you play any instruments?”
Nodding Blaine answers, “Uh, yeah. I play the piano and some guitar. Nothing really extraordinary, anyway.”
“I’m sure you’re fantastic, I can tell these sorts of things. You look very talented.” the man says with a playful grin, he comes closer.
“I’m not, that is I only play at home. Nothing serious.” Words are becoming more and more difficult. He’s never really held a conversation with a stranger before. That’s why he’s so flustered. That must be why he feels his hands getting clammy, the gloves don’t help either. It’s unseasonably warm and the sun is shining too brightly. Blaine is sure that’s why he feels sweat gathering at his brow.
The man walks around him, his gaze never leaving Blaine’s. We've got some new sheet music in this week, maybe you’d like to take a look?”
Blaine turns with him following him without preamble. “My name is Kurt, by the way. I forgot to say.”
Kurt looks at Blaine expectantly, what is he supposed to say now?
“These are some fun, modern pieces you could try out for the piano, most people start off with classics, which are fantastic, but it’s always fun to try something new, don’t you agree?”
Blaine reels back, Kurt was moving his hand, going to touch his arm. It’s innocent, Blaine knows that it doesn’t stop him from jumping back knocking over a music stand and several sheets of music.
“I’m sorry- this isn’t, I should, I need to go. I have to-” he scrambles to leave, wincing when he sees the scattered pages on the floor.
“I’m so sorry!” he squeaks before racing out of the shop. He is unlocking his car when he sees Kurt standing still, shocked as he looks out at him, he can’t hear him obviously, but Blaine is sure he sees Kurt mouth the words what the fuck as he drives away.