Chapter Text
Loops Two Through Twenty-Three
“God, Femme Boy, who are you, my shrink? I’ll take my meds when I fucking want to.”
“You know Petey, the last time I checked my chemical health was none of your damn business.”
“Fuck off, Femme Boy, I’m busy.”
“You’re seriously starting to piss me off, Kowalski. So go find a lake to drown in, okay?”
“Pft, what!? Come on Petey, where the hell would you even get twenty bucks?”
“Oh, you don’t have a hundred bucks, Petey-weety? Well, looks like I can’t take them today, then!”
“…Ahahahahaha! Hahahaha! Oh my God Femme Boy, are you seriously threatening me!? With what, exactly?! Hahahahaha~!”
“See, at first this was funny, Petey, but now it’s just an annoying waste of my time. I have better shit to do than fend off white-shirted, acne’d assholes—so don’t make me turn them on you again, hm?”
Pete took a deep breath to try and banish his recollections of his two previous failures and steady his nerves. Here goes nothing, I guess. “Hey, Beatrice!” The Nerd looked up from her book and frowned at him. Huh? She put her finger up to her lips in a clear ‘shush’ gesture. Oh, I guess that makes sense—we are in the Library. He sat down and pulled out a notebook before scribbling a quick note. Sorry about that. I just wanted to ask you about the tutoring flyer you have posted in the boy’s dorms?
Her frown, to Pete’s disappointment, grew as she read the note. Not by much, but she seemed genuinely annoyed as she wrote a reply in red ink below. That is not a question. If you mean “Are you available for tutoring, Beatrice?” then the answer is, I’m afraid, no. I am already tutoring two other people, which is the maximum number my study schedule allows. Pete frowned as he read her note. That’s a little rude… though it is true, I guess.
Pete grabbed his own pen and began to compose his reply. I know you’re busy, but the other Nerds said I should talk to you if I want to learn about Neuroscience. As Beatrice read over his note, her eyes widened in surprise, and she seemed to re-read the last sentence a couple of times before looking between Pete and the note. The surprise soon turned to skepticism. Geze, she’s kind of being a jerk…
Pete noticed that her reply was written much faster than before. I’m afraid that I can’t take your request seriously until you prove to me that your intentions are genuine. Besides, I would still need time to arrange for alternate tutoring for my current students. She pushed the note to him and looked at him with her nose in the air. Christ, is she going to be this condescending all the time?
Pete sighed. I guess Jimmy’s jumped through more hoops for less. All right, what do I need to do to prove myself? Hopefully, finally figuring out why the hell Gary’s not taking his meds will be worth it.
Well, Mr. Burton took something… rather important to me today…
~~~
Pete was feeling… relatively optimistic lately. It’d taken four or so loops, but he’d finally figured out how to get Gary to take his meds! The biting February cold had Pete’s nose itching something fierce as he walked back to school. He sighed, watching this breath float up as he reflected. It’d been harder than usual to befriend Jimmy this time around, since he’d needed to keep careful tabs on Gary’s comings and goings. He’d also not been able to stop the betrayal from happening—that had been… really disappointing, to say the least. Still, Pete had managed to keep Gary on his meds for a record amount of time, which was no small feat. Pete’d especially been terrified when he’d started deliberately skipping meals—luckily, it didn’t seem like Gary’d figured it out, since he was able to get him to eat again.
Pete frowned to himself as he passed the comic store; he was… pleased that Gary was taking his medication—he clearly needed it, after all—but… it didn’t seem like all that much about this loop was different. Pondering the dark waters of Bullworth Harbor, the only difference seemed to be the pace at which things were happening—Jimmy usually would’ve been in the middle of dealing with the Greasers by now, but this time around he was only finishing up with the Preppies. And Pete had expected there to not be a reason to deal with them at all—after all, if Gary wasn’t planning anything, there wouldn’t be a reason for all the cliques to hate Jimmy, right?
Pete nodded to a prefect as he ducked under the stone gates of the school, continuing his train of thought. Then there was the matter of how… wrong it felt to force Gary to take his meds. Pete had tried to rationalize it by figuring it probably wouldn’t work, but this was working much better than everything else he’d tried. He stomped his boots after finally entering the Boy’s dorm, pulling his gloves off and rubbing his hands together to get the blood flowing. Well, it’s only February—I’ve still got a lot of time. Pete glanced at his watch as he ascended the stairs; it was nearly nine. God, I am tired… How does Gary do this manipulation and lying thing so much? It’s so exhausting… Finally entering his dorm room, Pete gave a distracted “Hey, Gary” before plopping onto his bed and pulling out his sketchbook. He started doodling whatever—hands holding things, a lab coat, some pill bottles… After a while, though, Pete felt somebody’s eyes on him. Looking up, it turned out Gary was staring at him intently. He didn’t look overtly hostile—more like he was… examining him. Pete replied before he was able to formulate a proper response. “…Um, what? Do you want something?” He flinched. Well, I could’ve phrased that better.
Gary narrowed his eyes at that. “I don’t know, Petey, you tell me. What do I want?” He leaned toward Pete as if listening for something. Pete raised his eyebrows—that’s new… That made him swallow nervously.
He tried to read Gary’s expression, but his face was very blank. Better tread carefully. He replied slowly “I don’t know, Gary—I’m not a mind reader.” Pete frowned, adding “Is something wrong?”
That made Gary laugh—though it didn’t sound happy. He added “Puh-lease, Femme Boy! Like you don’t fucking know.” before glaring at him for a bit. Pete blinked—what is he talking about? He… he couldn’t know, could he? After a while, Gary grinned and added, “Maybe it’s got something to do with the fact that I haven’t eaten for four fucking days, hm?” Pete’s eyes widened at that—Oh my God!
“Wha, four days!? Why would you—” He was cut off by a pillow suddenly hitting him in the face.
“—DON’T lie, Pete!” Gary hissed “You know exactly why!” He slipped off his bed and began to pace back and forth across the room, holding Pete's gaze the entire time. He gulped nervously. Come on, there’s no way knows! But he gave his full attention to Gary as he asked quietly “You were trying to fucking fix me, weren’t you?” Gary kept pacing, but Pete’s gaze was suddenly drawn inexorably to the floor. Shitshitshitshit, he knows.
He wasn’t even aware of opening his mouth, but he still heard his voice answering Gary’s question. “I… I don’t know…” But Gary interrupted with an empty laugh.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Kowalski.” he hissed, “Don’t deny it. You’re fucking drugging me, little Femme Boy.” Pete squeezed his eyes shut, feeling all the guilt he’d been able to keep at bay until now crashing down around him. He heard Gary adopt a high-pitched, squeaky tone. “Oooh, look at me, I’m Peter Kowalski, I’m the only sane motherfucker in this hell-hole! Oooh, my poor roommate is so crazy!” Pete’s eyes snapped open at the sound of books hitting objects in the room, but Gary didn’t seem to care about that—he looked… angry, of course, but there was something far more painful underneath the rage. He went on “Ooh, let’s try and help him, surely the right chemicals will solve the problem!” I didn’t mean it like that!
Pete straightened a little, interrupting Gary’s rant. “No, I never thou—”
But Gary whirled around and cut him off. “SAVE it, Kowalski. I know you. You think you’re better than me, huh?” He tilted his head as if to ask well? before hissing “Well, you’re not.”
Pete bristled a little at that. “I do not think I’m smarter than yo—” But Gary interrupted him again, this time looking like he was trying to crush his own forehead.
“CRIST, Pete! I don’t mean intelligence! I mean you think you’re a better person than me! Don’t you?”
For a second, Pete could’ve sworn he’d heard the echo of the very same person praising him for his kindness in comparison to his peers. He shook his head, stammering out “…I… I’ve never reall—”
“Bull. FUCKING. Shit, Pete.” Pete snapped back to the present to see Gary grinning as he affected a casual air, as if they were discussing the weather. “I bet you think you’re a good person, don’t you?” Pete didn’t say anything, worrying his lip as he considered. Do I? Gary chuckled and resumed his pacing. “You see Pete; you think that you’re doing the right thing. You think that there’s something broken about me, that if you just adjust this brain chemical or that hormone I’ll be fixed.” Each point Gary made drove the guilt-knife in deeper—these were the exact questions Pete had been taking great pains to avoid. Gary turned and smirked at him before shrugging. “But you know what? I’m NOT broken!” He stalked over to his desk, pulling one of the drawers open and, carrying it over to his bed, turned it upside down, spilling all the bottles of pills that Pete had been quietly accessing over the semester. Gary’s face seemed to freeze at the large number of the small bottles—Pete’s chest felt suddenly much tighter when he noticed the slight fear in Gary’s face before it morphed into disgust. “See, all these… chemicals?” He paused to re-established eye-contact and drop the drawer onto the floor before continuing. “They were holding me back, Pete. THAT’S why I stopped taking my meds.”
Pete looked from Gary’s face to the small mountain of bottles on the bed before remembering the frankly insane amount of research into medicine he’d done in previous loops. Frowning, he was about to explain that all the research said he needed the medication, but Gary beat him to it. “Oh, but I can hear you wine, Femme Boy ‘but Gaaary you neeeed the meds! They make you better!’ FUCK YOU!” Pete jumped, partly at the sound, but mostly at the rage behind Gary’s scream—have I ever seen Gary lose his cool like this? Pete wracked his brain; but in the four years he’d been living with and attending school with Gary, he had never seen him get this upset. Gary seemed to realize that he’d lost it a little, because he took a couple of deep breaths before continuing in a deceptively calm voice.
“…you don’t know shit, Kowalski. In fact, you know even less than the stupid therapists that say I need those pills. They don’t give a shit about what I think about my meds. They’re getting paid, why should they? But you… you think you’re some fucking hero. You think you’re gonna be like… Hopkins? Come in and save the day? Well guess what? You’re the one who’s doing this for ‘my own good’. But you’ve never even asked me about this shit. You and my therapists are in the same boat, except you think you’re better than them because you claim to care about my wellbeing. But you’re using me, just like they are! Oh, you can tell me it’s different, but it aaaall comes down to the same thing; doctors want money, so they diagnose kids with ‘mental problems’ and give them drugs that shut them up and make their parents happy. ‘Heroes’ want other people to tell them what a ‘difference in their lives you’ve made’ or ‘how much you’ve helped this community’. Well guess what, loser? You haven’t done a goddamn thing that’s at all noteworthy. You keep your nose clean, and everybody at this school basically ignores you. Hahaha, but do you honestly think that makes you a good person? Think again. Nobody is good. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, Pete. And you’re just as hungry as everybody else.”
And with that, Gary slammed the door shut behind him hard enough to make the pile of pill bottles shift and spill onto the floor; Pete flinched.
~~~
He spent the next few months avoiding Gary. What could he say to that? He hardly knew what to think about what Gary had said, much less how to talk to him about it. Luckily (well… sort of), he had entered his ‘never leave the dorm room’ level of planning, so Pete didn’t have to try all that hard to avoid him.
Of course, as Gary sunk deeper and deeper into his plans, Jimmy’s success and ego only grew, so Pete didn’t even have the illusion of a friend anymore. Jimmy’s probably going to get expelled today, certainly by tomorrow. He quietly marveled at the extreme lack of distress this thought brought him as he set his books down in Chemistry. I guess Jimmy getting expelled is just… something that happens, from my perspective. He sighed—more proof that Gary was right.
Just in general, though—it’s not like I don’t care about Jimmy, it’s just… something that needs to happen. Pete knew justifying himself was a fool’s errand but it made him feel a little better. Even so, a small voice in the back of his mind whispered, you’ve been spending all your time trying to figure out Gary’s deal so you haven’t found out how to keep Jimmy from getting doing that spray-paint idiocy. His moody thoughts were interrupted by the professor ordering the class to follow his instructions precisely, since they would be working with volatile chemicals today. Additionally, it was a group-lab day, something only higher level science courses had, as Pete had been finding out. Today he was with Melvin and Cornelius; the two Nerds were having a heated argument that distracted Pete from his own depressing thoughts. Melvin was hissing “Of course she wouldn’t! That would be completely out of character for her!”
The friends sat on the other side of the small table from Pete, and as he measured out the amount of liquids they’d need for the period, Cornelius replied in a confused tone “But it would be walking right into GraveWing’s trap! Samantha the Bold wouldn’t walk into a trap if she could help it, right?”
As he copied down the formulas they were supposed to be working on for the period, Pete considered the ridiculous names in Cornelius’ sentence. Must be about one of those Grottos and Gremlins games the Nerds like so much. Melvin groaned in frustration. “But that’s the point, she doesn’t know!” When the teacher shushed him, the passionate gamer lowered his voice to a hiss that was easily covered up by Pete’s Bunsen-burning to sterilize their materials. “That’s what the ‘RP’ in ‘RPG’ means!”
Cornelius gave his friend a skeptical look, replying to him in a tone that clearly suggested he was bonkers. “So… you’re saying I’m supposed to just… walk into something I know is a trap? Even though I heard Beatrice set it up yesterday?”
Melvin gestured frantically, as if he wasn’t sure what gesture to even make. “YES! That is exactly what I’m saying! Samantha wasn’t where GraveWing was, so she couldn’t know!!”
Cornelius’s skeptical expression deepened to incredulity. “…and you say that anime is silly. Willingly walk into a trap? Come on, Mel, that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.” Pete glanced up from his finished preparations, looking between the two other boys at the table. Wait… does Cornelius not play Grottos and Gremlins? Melvin, frustrated, seemed give up on his friend’s seeming inability to grasp such a simple concept, crossing his arms and leaning down to inspect Pete’s work in a huff.
“Sorry, I don’t mean to butt in…” both boys looked up at Pete’s comment. “…but, um, Cornelius, do you not play GnG?” Surprise turned to indignation on Melvin’s part, and annoyance on Cornelius’s.
“Not all of us Nerds play GnG, you know.” Melvin replied, icily, before his tone turned teasing. “Some of us choose to spend all our time watching kid’s cartoons and writing fanfiction, isn’t that right, Cornelius?”
He punched Melvin in the arm, saying “Like role playing’s any different, Mel!” Even so, both were smiling before they were silenced by the teacher’s scolding.
Pete, meanwhile, had realized something—he had been attending school with these two for about three continuous years, and yet he’d never even thought that they might have different interests from one another. As the class continued, Pete thought back to that second time he’d attended Chemistry with Jimmy. During a couple of loops Jimmy had even tried to tutor him in the subject, but it hadn’t really gone well—Jimmy’s thought process was just too different from his. Pete felt himself smile as he remembered Jimmy trying to explain the difference between ‘square’ and ‘circle’ tubes before he’d got fed up, sweeping all that they’d been working on off the desk and dragging him to the movies instead. Watching Cornelius carefully mix in the iodine (not too much—then they wouldn’t be able to see anything), Pete considered the many memories of Jimmy he had like that—where they were just hanging out and shooting the shit.
…Hey, maybe that’s what I’m missing? Now that he thought about it, he didn’t really know Gary all that well as a person. Maybe… maybe he just needs friends? Real friends! The idea felt so natural that he wondered why he hadn’t thought of it before. Pete felt his smile widen as he let the thought of having another friend lift his mood higher than it had been in months; all the manipulation, the lying, and the deception, he didn’t have to do any of it anymore! He knew it wouldn’t be easy, but hell, something that just felt this right was bound to be worth it.
~~~
Pete dragged himself into the common room and collapsed onto the couch, wishing quite desperately that workouts carried over between the loops too. If he could, he would’ve stayed over by the gym and just sketched until his muscles had relaxed a bit, but then he would’ve thrown off the whole schedule.
As he pulled out his sketchbook, Pete heard Gary enter the room with a “Good evening, young lady! And what’re we watching today?” Here goes nothing—c’mon, Pete, deep breath.
“Hey Gary—not watching anything, just sitting. Gym was exhausting.” Pete carefully watched Gary vault over the couch and plop down while he was talking. It’d been five whole loops since Gary’d given him a serious reality check—befriending him had proved to be far easier said than done, unsurprisingly.
To Pete’s surprise, Gary leaned up against him and threw his legs over the left side of the couch so he was stretched out. He even responded to Pete’s comment with “Mm, gym class isn’t kind to those of us with more intellectual leanings, is it?” Huh! That’s new… Usually, Gary would comment on how he was ‘responding to ‘young lady’ now’ and prop his feet on the sketchbook instead of the couch. Pete smiled to himself. Guess I’m doing something right.
“Yeah…” While it was a marked improvement, it did make it kind of hard to draw. “Sorry, could you move a little? I can’t really draw with you leaning on me like that.” Gary turned to him sporting an unhappy frown—the ‘I don’t like how you’re acting like you’ve got a say in what I do’ frown, as he had dubbed it. It usually preceded Gary doing something weird. His smile disappeared and he gulped a little. Oh man…
Curling the frown up into a smirk, Gary replied “Oh, certainly, Petey.” Before swinging his legs around to prop them on the other side of the couch—which put his legs in Pete’s lap.
Gary looked very satisfied with his misinterpretation of Pete’s words; Pete rolled his eyes and snorted a little. “Heh, fair enough.” He extracted his sketchbook from under Gary’s legs, placing it on top like a table. “That okay?” Gary narrowed his eyes in thought, a classic ‘wait that’s not Petey behavior’ look before shrugging and letting his head fall back so he was looking up at the ceiling. Pete smiled. “Cool.” This was new, too. The next few minutes were spent in surprisingly cordial silence as he tried sketching Gary’s pose and expression at the moment—If he was able to capture stuff on paper, he had found that it tended to stick in his brain longer so he could actually remember it. Not to mention it made him feel like he understood it better. He snorted to himself. Yeah, like I understand Gary at all.
“Wow, Pete, are you really that enamored of me?” He started a little, glancing over to find Gary had lifted himself up onto his hands and was peering at Pete’s drawing. “And here I thought you and the new kid were in love!” Pete rolled his eyes despite his rueful smile as Gary let out a mock-disappointed tsk. “Oh Femme Boy, you’re such a creature of passion.”
Pete full-on laughed at that. “Come on, Gary, me and Jimmy? Yeah, right.” He shook his head, snickering. Gary suddenly swung his legs off of Pete’s lap, sending his sketchbook careening to the floor. Well, that was bound to happen sooner or later anyway.
Propping his arm on the back of the couch, Gary made friendly-seeming eye-contact with Pete, though he knew Gary well enough to know that that there was probably more to it than that. “You two do seem to have quite the rapport, though, don’t you?” Then he paused, looking askance. Pete braced himself. Here we go. “Well… mostly. I mean, I doubt somebody who was my friend would just leave me after I’d been knocked to the ground.”
“Well, I only met him two days ago.” Pete shrugged. What was strange about Gary (well… one of the things) was how he could never just get to the point. He insisted on winding his way obliquely toward what he wanted to say, and he hated whenever somebody took control of a conversation. So Pete had to wait for Gary to propose his idea in order to agree to it.
Gary sighed, and shook his head as if Pete were being extremely naïve. “Poor, sweet, innocent Petey. Are you telling me you think Jimmy Hopkins is a good person?” Gary gave Pete his most patronizing look.
Pete gave it some thought for a moment before replying. “No, Jimmy isn’t a good person, but he’s not a bad person either.” He shrugged somewhat apologetically, giving a lop-sided smile. “I mean, he’s only fifteen—he’s got a lot of growing up to do.” It’s true, after all. Technically I’m a lot older than Jimmy but I still have a lot of stuff to learn.
Gary snorted, rolling his eyes. “Well, if that’s true, how do you explain yourself, Femme Boy?” He gave Pete a smug smile, smirking like he’d already ‘won’ the ‘argument’.
Here we go—just play along, he’ll get there eventually. “What do you mean?” And Gary gave Pete his whole spiel about how nice he was. He watched Gary’s expression carefully. Does he really believe I can help?
Finally, Gary reached the end of his list, and looked back at Pete with a pleasant smile. “You’re practically a saint by Bullworth standards!” He nodded slowly.
Okay, let’s lead him to the point. “Well… um, thank you. But what’s that got to do with Jimmy?”
Gary positively beamed. “Now that is an excellent question!” Removing his elbow from the back of the couch, he started scooching closer to Pete with the now-familiar glint of… something in his eye. Pete still wasn’t totally sure what it was. “You see, Petey, this entire school is full of people like Jimmy-boy, right?” He nodded, subtly trying to increase the distance between the two of them—Gary didn’t seem to have a firm grasp on the concept of ‘personal space’. Luckily, he was too busy grinning at Pete’s agreement with his statement to notice. “Exactly! They’re the reason people at this school are fighting all the time—” Gary’s expression, to Pete’s surprise, shifted to sympathetic. “—the reason people aren’t talking to you, Femme Boy.” Pete squirmed a bit at that, looking down at his hands. He’d mostly learned to accept how little attention people paid him, but… he couldn’t deny that it wasn’t exactly easy only having one, possibly two, friends. “Just imagine being able to get Jimmy-boy to, ahem, convince people to see things your way!” Pete looked back up at Gary’s face and flinched back a little—he’d leaned forward again, and his face had taken on a more far-away look, with a slightly crazed grin. He’s thinking about the plan—his mask is slipping a bit. Pete breathed a bit—this part wasn’t as scary now that he knew Gary better. He frowned, though. Why can’t he just be honest?
Pete replied carefully “Well—” Gary gave his head a little shake before re-focusing on Pete after his comment, after which Pete continued with “I think you should ask for Jimmy’s opinion about all this before you assume he’ll beat people up, but…” He took a deep breath, steeling himself. Here goes nothing! “I want to help you. So… count me in.” He gave Gary the most determined-looking smile he could. It was the truth—if he couldn’t understand the plan from the outside looking in, being an active part of it might give him a better understanding both of the plan and its creator’s mind.
Gary’s face was blank with surprise for a moment before he slowly returned Pete’s smile, skootching back and holding out a hand for a handshake. “Well, then, Petey—looks like we’ve got ourselves a deal!” Gary’s grip reminded Pete a lot of the bank teller that had shaken his hand when his parents took him to open a checking account—very professional, no personal connotations. He sighed a little. Figures it wouldn’t be that easy.
While shaking his hand, Gary turned toward the entryway to the common room. “Hey man, what’s goin’ on?” Pulling his hand easily from Gary’s grasp, Pete waved happily to Jimmy. Jimmy really was the polar opposite of Gary—he was so easy to get to know, offering up information about himself without the complex social and psychological gymnastics necessary with Gary.
Jimmy half-smiled, nodding in Pete’s direction before shrugging and replying to Gary’s question. “Not much.” Now was the point where things got pretty familiar.
Gary didn’t respond to Jimmy’s comment, since he was clearly itching to talk. “I was just telling Petey here about my idea to take over the school—” Pete had to suppress a snort at Gary correcting himself; he really could be obvious at times. To cover it up he nodded solemnly. “—I mean my plan for us to take over the school.” But, thinking about it, Pete found himself feeling rather sad about Gary’s slip-up.
“What plan?” Does he really not even consider us a part of it? Why include us if that’s the case?
Pete automatically turned toward Gary for this part; it was pretty central to understanding him, after all. He waved a hand as if to dismiss Jimmy’s concerns as he gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry Jimmy! It’s just a little something I came up with.” Crossing his arms on the back of the couch, his smile morphed into something closer to a smirk as he launched into his spiel. “It’s sink or swim, my friend. And if you’re good at swimming—” Here he looked over at Pete. To Pete’s surprise, Gary didn’t have the usual condescension written in his expression. Or at least, not as much of it. Pete would’ve called it ‘sad’ if he hadn’t known any better. “—you gotta let the losers drown.” Gary flicked his gaze away from Pete at that and into a corner of the room, looking pensive for a moment before lifting his hand as usual and adding “Why don’t you guys leave the thinking up to me?” as he got off the couch and began walking toward the window, re-establishing the usual cadence of the conversation.
But Pete stared off into space, thinking about what had just been said. Wow, that’s the most sympathy from this scene that I’ve ever seen from Gary. It’s gotta be because I agreed to his plan so easily. But he still said to leave the thinking up to him— “—Petey, you were right. Jimmy is pretty dumb.”
Pete blinked and looked up at being addressed, but turned his head in Jimmy’s direction at “What’d you say about me!?” Oh, dang—forgot about this bit.
Pete turned to face Jimmy for this. “I’m not sure, I don’t remember saying that—if I did, I’m sorry, though.” Jimmy didn’t look entirely satisfied by that apology, but he didn’t look like he wanted to give him an Indian burn anymore, either. So Pete shifted his focus to Gary. “But about what Jimmy said, I actually have a question—why should you do all the thinking?” Gary looked momentarily startled at Pete’s question before his eyes narrowed in hostility. Pete gulped. Oh boy, here we go…
“Well, Petey, I’m the one who thought of the plan—doesn’t it make sense that I’m the one orchestrating it?” As he spoke, Gary rose from his seat to stand casually looking down his nose at Pete as he addressed him. Subtle, Gary. Pete tried to ignore the fact that it actually was a little intimidating.
He rose to his feet as well, nodding in agreement as he tried to put his thoughts in order. “Yeah, it makes perfect sense—but just because you’re ‘orchestrating’ doesn’t mean you have to think everything up by yourself, you know?” Gary curled his lip up at that; never a good sign. Oh crabs—I guess I touched a nerve.
Gary stepped closer to Pete, staring intently at him with a sneer on his face. Forget ‘a little’—that was very intimidating. After a moment of Gary looking him over, though, he stepped back a bit and smirked, adding “Oh, I get it, Femme Boy.” Instead of looking at Pete like he was something disgusting on the bottom of his shoe, now Gary was looking at him like he was an amusing child. “You think you should do the thinking, don’t you?”
Pete blinked. What the hell kind of logical leap was that? He shook his head, adding “Wha-? No, that wasn’t what I—” But, unsurprisingly, Gary didn’t let him finish.
Gary kept his tone casual, as if he were just giving friendly advice. “Hey, now Petey; don’t lie!” Pete’s eyes widened. Oh, fuck! He’d been able to avoid this particular outcome so far.
Pete took a quick step back, looking over at Jimmy, imploring him to do something. “Come on, Gary, I’m not ly—”
“‘Cuz you know what we do to liars around here, right?” Pete swallowed nervously, studying Gary’s face carefully. He looked much angrier than he had the first time.
Pete contemplated Gary in the few moments before the inevitable groin attack, and started when a thought struck him; “You’re scared.”
Gary didn’t seem to hear him. “We kick them in the balls!” Pete honestly thought it hurt more this time, since he’d been expecting it. At least I was able to collapse directly onto the couch.
Through the haze of pain, Pete managed to hear Gary give a disgusted snort before turning away and talking to Jimmy about his new slingshot. As Gary kept talking, though, Pete heard Jimmy quietly say to him “Uh… hey, just… lie on your back and get some water, ‘kay, man?”
Pete was impressed with himself that he managed to squeak out a “Yeah…” before giving in to the pain. A few people came up to him and laughed at how immobilized with pain he was. But the sudden onslaught of uncontrollable sobbing was severe enough that they actually left him alone.
Goddamnit… EVERYTHING he’d worked so hard for was just so stupid! What, did he think he could be friends with Gary fucking Smith? The same kid who’d spent the last fifteen years of his life calling him ‘Femme Boy’ and doing nothing but belittle him and spent more time locked in his own head thinking than he did sleeping? Ha… yeah right. All he had was the begrudging friendship of somebody who, from his perspective, he’d met two days ago because he didn’t share any of Pete’s memories of studying together and hanging out together and dolling out unsolicited advice on girls. Pete buried his head in his arms as the emptiness in his chest felt like it was swallowing him whole; he was truly, utterly, alone.
~~~
Pete had lost track of how long he’d been lying on the couch, but eventually he heard Gary sneering behind him. “Oh, there you are, Femme Boy. I’d almost forgotten about you!” That sent a fresh wave of sickening loneliness through Pete’s gut. He’d stopped bothering to hide his tear-streaked face in his arms from whoever happened to be around. Pete’s overwhelming apathy changed to mild surprise when Gary knelt down in front of his face so they were somewhat eye-to-eye, sporting a pissed-off expression. At least he’s not laughing like the first time… He would’ve felt scared, but he honestly didn’t care anymore. Gary contemplated Pete’s sorry state of misery for a bit before giving him a look that clearly stated he deserved this. “Now, Femme Boy; I hope we’ve learned a valuable lesson today.” He leaned forward, hissing right in Pete’s face “Do not try to undermine my authority. Got it?” He kept his face close to Pete’s, waiting for an answer. Pete’s jaw, meanwhile, would have fallen off if he hadn’t been lying on a couch. What!? He pushed himself up, trying to think about what Gary could mean by that. Eyes widening, he realized what he meant—it’s the same thing he does to Jimmy in the Hole! He groaned, slapping himself in the face. Of course Gary was scared; if he actually thought that Pete was valuable, he’d assume Pete would want all the power for himself. He laughed a little to himself. How could he be so blind as to miss that? Pete couldn’t see him with his hand still covering his face, but he could hear Gary growling “Is that a yes? Because I’m going to be very angry if it’s not, Petey.” Removing his hand from his face, Pete decided to try something he’d never done before.
Taking a deep breath, he began reciting. “I know you hate me, Jimmy-boy. I know you said all that stuff about me behind me back.” Pete kept his voice neutral, rather than trying to emulate the loathing and disgust that Gary injected into those words. “You wanna run this school? I wanna run this school. Only one of us is gonna make it; and it’s gonna be me.” Pete turned his body in Gary’s direction, who was looking at him with utter confusion.
“What the fuck, Pete? Who are you talking to?” Pete ignored him, offering his own explanation.
“You always say that to Jimmy a day or two after Halloween…” wincing as he adjusted himself so he was sitting cross-legged on the couch, he looked Gary carefully in the eye. “And I never got why you always betrayed him like that, you know? I mean, Jimmy’s… Jimmy, he doesn’t wanna take over the school—he just wants to fuck around.” He sighed, before smiling tentatively. “But… I think I get it now—you don’t trust us ‘cuz you think we’re gonna… I dunno, stab you in the back or something.” He shook his head. “But—while I can’t speak for Jimmy—I really do want to help you with your crazy plan; I couldn’t care less about taking over the school, but it seems like it’s important to you, and you’re my friend, so…” He shrugged, sniffing and wiping his nose off on his sleeve before giving Gary a grin.
The humming of the vending machine and beeping of the video game in the corner filled the room as Gary stared at Pete like he’d proposed they bulldoze the school and build a dairy farm on the remains. As the silence stretched on, Gary’s face slowly became more and more incredulous until Pete burst into giggles; the whole situation was already pretty dang ridiculous! “Wh—what are you talking about?”
Pete snorted a bit more before replying, “It’s a loooong story Gary, trust me.” Even as he braced himself for what was no doubt going to be an involved discussion, Pete felt the loneliness that had been curdling his insides for the last few hours—years, really—start to diminish. Maybe… I don’t have to be alone.
~~~
The party had come and gone, and the common room was devoid of everybody except Ivan, who was passed out on the couch. Jimmy and Gary were sitting at the poker table, which had a “pot” of various snacks in the middle of the table. Judging from Jimmy’s scowl and Gary’s gloating grin, Pete figured Gary was winning. Crumbs, candy wrappers, and marbles were scattered across the floor. Pete wanted to help clean up, he really did, but it was his last day. So he figured he could get away with hanging out with Jimmy and Gary for a little while longer.
Gary’s chair came back down from its two-legged leaning against a wall with a thud as he laid out his cards for Jimmy to see. “Read ‘em and weep, Jimmy-boy! I take the pot!”
“Maaaaan, FUCK this game!” Jimmy threw his cards down in disgust. As Gary dragged the pile of candy to his side of the table all the while sporting a gloating grin, Jimmy glared at him. “How do you do it? You’ve gotta be cheating, right?”
Gary wagged his finger at Jimmy. “Ah, ah, ah, Jimmy-boy! A magician never reveals his secrets.” Jimmy just groaned, while Pete rolled his eyes.
“He counts the cards, and keeps track of the probabilities based on what’s been laid out beforehand.” Pete caught the piece of candy that Gary threw at him and elected to ignore the pissy look he was also throwing his way. “Aw, I hate these bubble-gum lollipops.” He held it out to Jimmy questioningly, who shrugged and took it.
“Really, Pete; if you could not lay out the proverbial cards before we need to, please?” Gary resumed leaning back in his chair, unwrapping one of the many candies from his pile.
Pete grinned suddenly, and punched the air in victory. “Yess! Twenty-seven! New record!” Jimmy and Gary looked up at Pete from the food they were eating in mild confusion.
When Pete didn’t offer any explanation for his outburst, Jimmy looked at Gary. “You know what the fuck he’s talkin’ about?” Gary's eyes just flicked from Jimmy to Pete, appraising him.
Pete laughed, crossing his arms. “Number of times Gary’s called me ‘Pete’ this time around. Twenty-six was the old record. That was… two loops ago.”
Gary chuckled, “What, you keep track of that, Femme Boy?
“That’s one of the most useful things to keep track of, actually.” Jimmy’d already tuned the conversation out, instead rooting around for more snacks. Pete elected to ignore this. “It’s a pretty good way to gauge how much you respect me, which ties into a lot of other stuff in terms of making stuff happen or not happen at the school.” Pete gave a what can you do shrug. “You’re a pretty influential person, after all.” Seeing Gary’s blank expression, Pete wasn’t sure if he should really be saying all this on the last day he’d get to see these two. He’d only told them the basics of the time loops, and given them enough information to make them believe his situation. He didn’t really want to go into the specifics, since he knew he’d eventually miss having somebody to confide in.
“Just how many times have you done this, Petey?” Gary scrutinized Pete, but instead of the usual anger that seemed to accompany Gary not understanding something, he seemed… worried? Concerned? That’s rare. “You seem to know quite a lot about us. Just how much do you know?” I guess I do owe them an explanation of what I know. Jimmy was paying attention again.
Pete shifted so he was sitting up straighter in his chair, rubbing the back of his neck while he talked. “Um. Well… I’ve lived through twenty-three of these loops, which is about fifteen years.” Gary nodded, like he’d been expecting an answer of that nature. Jimmy, however, goggled at Pete.
“Wait, so you’re actually, like, thirty years old or something?”
Pete laughed sheepishly. “I guess so, but it doesn’t really feel like it?” He shrugged as Jimmy gave him a ‘I am totally lost’ look. “I mean, I’ve never lived on my own or anything, so it’s not like I’m an adult.” I don’t even know if I’ll ever get to grow up… Pete looked down at the floor, not liking the turn this conversation was taking.
Gary snorted incredulously. “Puh-lease, Petey. I’ve lived with you for a year, and you’re the most sickeningly ‘mature’ person I know.” Pete looked back up, but Gary was challenging Jimmy to another game. Naturally.
Jimmy, being Jimmy, accepted. But he kept looking between Gary and Pete, as if expecting them to do something. Gary hummed distractedly as he started to deal cards, leaving Pete to continue staring off into the distance, thinking about mortality.
Finally, Jimmy broke the silence. “You wanna play, Pete?” he dragged his chair around the table so he was closer to Gary, giving Pete a place to occupy. Pete smiled, happy for the distraction.
“Yeah, sure.” Honestly, I’ve been staring at nothing so much lately I’ve started to feel like Gary. Gary loudly voiced his objections, but Pete ignored him and Jimmy just pulled out his slingshot and shot Gary despite his protests. The three played for a while, with Gary constantly needling Jimmy and Pete, Jimmy telling Gary to fuck off in various ways, and Pete pointing out whenever somebody was breaking the rules. It felt natural, and Pete savored the feeling of home these simple interactions inspired. I don’t have long, after all.
Eventually, all three of them got too tired to even keep track of who was winning, and decided it was time to go to bed. But as they trooped out of the common room, Jimmy snapped his fingers. “Oh shit, that’s right, I didn’t give you guys my contact info!” He ran into his room and emerged a few seconds later with a sheet of paper. Ripping it into threes, Jimmy handed Gary and Pete a slip of paper. “Here, write down your phone number and address.” Pete took the paper indulgently, despite knowing it wouldn’t do him any good.
Gary smirked, commenting “Not sure I want you to know where I live, Jim-jam.” But he took the paper anyway. Jimmy just rolled his eyes. When they were done, Jimmy punched Gary in the shoulder and promised to call should he need a good therapist recommendation. Gary assured Jimmy that he would also be happy to sell him some of his meds, which Pete didn’t find nearly as funny as the other two.
Jimmy then gave Pete an awkward, one-armed hug before quickly saying good night and entering his room. Huh. That’s never happened before. “Oh God; Femme Boy I swear, you’d better not jump me tonight just ‘cuz your boyfriend actually touched you.” Pete’s smile turned into a laugh as he made his way toward the stairs.
“Sheesh, leave it to you to ruin a perfectly nice moment.” Gary was quick to follow Pete up the stairs.
“Hey, it’s not ruined if the moment wasn’t nice, Petey. That was probably the most uncomfortable hug I’ve ever witnessed. And I’ve hugged my parents!” Pete laughed a little, but Gary’s callousness was always a little sobering.
“Well, if it’ll make you feel better; I promise not to jump you tonight. Happy?” But Gary was, surprisingly, not taking the opportunity to make fun of him. “…What?”
Gary gave him a look, one of those like way back when he’d first entered the loops and would accidently say things he wasn’t supposed to know but that Gary always caught, somehow. That can’t be good… “You know, we never did finish talking about how much you know…” Fuuuuck. Pete didn’t look Gary in the eye as he entered their room and started getting ready for bed. I don’t wanna think about this now. Gary flopped onto his bed, keeping his eyes fixed on Pete. The silence stretched for a few minutes before Gary finally let out an annoyed sigh. “Ughhh, c’mon Petey—we haven’t got all night.” He stole a glance at his watch before adding, “Well, day, I suppose.”
Pete sighed, sitting down on his bed. “Gary… I really don’t want to talk about it, okay? I’m tired—we can talk about it tomorrow.” That’s not a bad loophole, ha.
Gary, naturally, looked annoyed. “Why not? What’s your problem, hm?” Ignoring him, Pete just started changing into his PJs. Gary sighed. “What, do you want me to make you tell me?”
Pete straightened up from pulling his clothes on, glaring at Gary. Now that’s just uncalled for. “No.” Gary sighed, but apparently he wasn’t really in the mood for a spat. He just shrugged and started getting ready for bed himself.
Pete ignored the feeling of disappointment that caused. There’s no point in telling him about it, anyway—he’ll just forget by tomorrow. He sighed as he pulled the covers over his head. Well… at least I managed to get through one loop without everything going to shit. That was an achievement; he smiled to himself as he drifted off.
Once again, Pete fell asleep on Saturday, June 2nd, 2007.
~~~
Somewhere in the distance, somebody’s telling him to get up. Pete tries to block them out, but whoever it is, they’re annoyingly persistent. Eventually he figures he should at least try and answer, if only to get them to shut up. He forced out a groggy “Whad’ya want?”
Whoever it was, they sure were cheerful. “Rise and shine, Femme Boy! Today’s the day!” Pete shivered, and noticed that his quilt had disappeared. Wait, quilt?
Pete opened his eyes a crack, just in time to see Gary drop his quilt on the floor. He was saying “Come on, we’re finally leaving this dump of a school; you’ll have plenty of time to catch up on your beauty sleep later.” HOLY SHIT!
Pete bolted upright, wide awake. “What’d you say!?” Gary flinched a bit, but quirked an eyebrow at Pete’s reaction.
“‘We’re finally leaving this dump of a school’? Or ‘you can catch up on your beauty sleep later’?” He backed away from Pete as he talked, moving toward his wardrobe. Pete scrambled out of bed, rushing toward the window. “Sheesh Petey, I haven’t seen you this eager since you mentioned you’d made out with Lola before.” Holy SHIT the trees still have green leaves! Pete stood gazing out the window for a bit, his jaw hanging open a bit, before his face split into a grin as he listened to Gary's voice continue in the background.
It was the start of a new day.