Chapter Text
“Harder! Kakashi, fuck me harder!”
His hips speed up and pounded without hesitation into you. Your mouth escaped a weak cry and you clawed into the walls in front of you. “Right there, don’t stop, yes~!” you mewled lewd out as he hit the G-point over and over and threw your head back, helplessly rocking on your legs while Kakashi took your from behind.
During the last two weeks he came every evening into your home. Sometimes he masked the visits with an excuse of a shared meal or took you first somewhere before dragging your into a dark alley or such, sometimes he just barreled in and started to devour you. Both options had their good points and you liked them the same, but today it had been the second. One moment you prepared for a mission and cleaned your Anbu-armor, the next he was behind you and pushed you up against the wall, biting into the soft flesh of your neck and pressing his erection between your ass cracks.
You were never fucked from behind before, so you gasped surprised out when his hard-on reached with the changed angle new places, but enjoyed the new sensations nevertheless. Until now you enjoyed everything he showed you, from the round of steamy action in the back of Ichiraku’s, while his students ate there to the threesome with clones (once with a doppelganger of Kakashi, once with one of yours). At the same time the love and desire to spill your feelings for the silver haired ninja grew with each meeting and each ministration you shared with him, but so your hesitation grew. Nothing had changed for him. He only saw you as a friend who he helped with his experience, just like he helped his students train or did exercises with Gai, who still had to recover from his injury he received during the war.
You knew you were weak for not resisting his advances more, but you couldn’t help it. Kakashis hands on your hips felt so great, just like his member fit so perfectly inside your fold and turned your world upside-down. Luckily you were assigned to some work for the Anbu, maybe you could wash your addiction for his body out of your system with a bit of blood and gore and a long chase after a criminal.
An especially hard pound threw you out of your thoughts. You screamed shocked and behind you Kakashi growled possessively. “Where were you just now, huh?” His grip turned painful, but it only added to your lust. “Of whom were you thinking about?”
“No one!”
“Don’t lie to me (Name)! Who was in your thoughts? Who?”
Crying your knees buckled, but the man pressed you only harder into the wall, not caring that the frail white plaster started to fall down from his hard fucks. This Kakashi was the one which turned you on the most. He gave orders and could carry out punishment if you don’t followed, unmoving when you begged for more and only giving in when you whispered the safeword. He knew your preference and used it to his advantage and you let him take the control more than willingly.
Sobbing you shook your head as he asked you again the same question, his voice unforgiving and cold as ice. “No one! No one! There wasn’t-!”
“Don’t lie!” he hissed and pulled out of you. You got no time to weep about the sudden loss of friction. Kakashi spun you around and slammed your back again into the wall. He was still in his clothes, only the fly of his pants was hastily opened when he had entered you. As a stark contrast you were naked. Faster than you had processed it, he had discarded your clothes completely and now it added to the turmoil of lust burning your guts. Trembling in need and desire you whimpered when his intense eyes stared into yours as he leaned closer, his big hands holding you into place. “I know you were thinking of someone.” he said dangerously low. “Your responses are delayed when you’re distracted. So tell me now,” a snarl swayed in his words, “of whom you were thinking. Or I will leave right now.”
“No! You can’t do that!”
“I will, if you don’t tell me the truth immediately.”
You swallowed. You were so close to the climax. And if he would go away, then nothing you would do would satisfy your needs so good like the scarecrow could. And it would be the last time before the mission, so at least for a week your body had to survive without Kakashis touch. So you hastily jumped to a decision when he sighed in faked disappointment and stepped backwards. “You! I was only thinking about you!”
He halted, eyes shadowed by his gravity-defying hair. “Is that your answer?”
“Yes!” you cried and reached out to him, desperate for the next touch, the next penetration. “The only thing I can think about is you when you’re inside me, there’s no other person! Please, believe me!” Your hand gripped into his upper arm and your tone grew pleading when you searched for his eyes. “How could I think about another man while you are fucking me so hard I can’t remember my own name, Kakashi. How could I be able to?”
Suddenly you found yourself again pressed to the wall and your lips locked with his. The kiss was desperate and searing, like it was the last time you would press your lips together, like your tongues would never met this way again. You poured everything into it; every lesson he blessed you with, every motion you came up yourself and every last ounce of your emotions for your friend. But you also noticed a slight change in him. You couldn’t describe the minimal difference in stance and behavior, the only thing you could do was respond to every weak angling of his head. Automatically you slung one leg around his waist, shortly thanking your education as a ninja to make you so flexible. It had been useful in more than one way over the last weeks. Kakashis member rubbed teasingly over your whole slit and you moaned into his mouth as he pushed you up and arranged you to his liking.
The first entering was rough. Unable to hold the kiss any longer, you threw your head back and gasped out. A dull pain in the back was the prize for it, but you didn’t care at all. Only the slow bucks of his hips counted, the tight embrace around you and his lips nibbling all over your neck, here and there biting and sucking strongly. “Kakashi!”
“Nnrgh.” His fingers wandered to your butt and suddenly slipped into your other hole. You squirmed, shocked at the bold action, but so overthrown by the sting of pain and double penetration that you came on the point. Squirming you bit down into his shoulder to muffle your weak pleas and cries, drawing blood, while he continued to pound into you. Then he stilled, trembled and let his head fall forward, resting the forehead to your shoulder. His cock pulsated inside you, filling the condom with his seed, but nevertheless it felt so glorious to feel the twitches of the deflating organ.
After a while you loosened your arms around Kakashis neck. “Let me down now. I still have to prepare for my new assignment.”
Kakashi nodded and pulled out. You hissed as a light pain flashed through your lower body, but it faded fastly away. Still naked you searched for your clothes on the ground, in your back the man cleaned himself up. He threw the used condom away while you slipped into the black pants of an elite ninja and when you controlled the last of the straps of your chest armor, Kakashi came back from the bathroom, drying his hands on his own pants. He looked at you, arms crossed and leaning relaxed against the doorframe, but there was a special tension in his posture that innerved you to the very core.
“How long you will be gone?” he asked.
“A week at least. But the missing nin this time isn’t much of a challenge, so maybe we will return earlier.” You unsheathed your tanto. There was a little scrap on the surface, but you had no time to fix it yet. In the silver blade you could see the crocked reflection of your fuck buddy (your heart hurt at the sarcastic comment of your mind).
“Okay.”
Satisfied with the sharpness of your sword, you went into your bedroom and reached under the bed. There was a loose board and underneath the board your Anbu-mask waited for the mission. The cold porcelain was formed like the maw of a tiger. Your codename. Wild and untamed, but also a silent hunter and capable of striking its enemies down without mercy. Kakashi had joked about it when he discovered long red scratches at his back after a lesson, resembling the claws of a tiger.
In the living room Kakashi moved. His clothes ruffled slightly in the motion. “My team and I will also head out. I don’t know how long it will take, but I will inform you when we come back.” he said calmly, however goose bumps appeared at your arms at the casual tone.
Something was strange. His voice wasn’t like usual, only a minimal vibration gave him away. Someone with less knowledge about the secretive man would’ve never noticed, however you did. You stuck your head out of your bedroom and watched your friend, how he looked absent minded at his toes. “Is everything okay?” you asked and tilted your head.
Kakashi didn’t react. So you asked again, now with more worry in your voice. Only then he flinched, then his eyes locked with yours, the usual aura of relaxed nonchalance surrounding his frame. “I believe you learned everything from me I can teach you.”
You blinked in confusion. “What?”
“We can end our lessons now. There’s no need to continue. You’re good at sex.”
Trembling hands. A painfully clutching heart. You felt cold on the inside while you listened to him. You tried to control your breathing and swallowed the questions down which dwelled and nodded. Kakashi was only a friend. During your agreement nothing changed for him and you could only accept his decision to end it.
You had no right to protest. It wasn’t like he knew about your feelings.
You forced a smile on your lips. “Thanks for the compliment. But I had a great teacher.”
“A teacher is only as good as his student. Anyway,” he sighed deeply and unfolded his arms, “we’re still friends, right?”
There was nothing you could do. Even if you would pour all your feelings out for him, your friendship would only get stained by them. He was in love with a dead girl and in general a horny pervert. Surely it had been two relaxed weeks for Kakashi, because the only thing he had to do to get sex was coming to you.
“Sure thing.” Lying was your second nature. Your smile widened on instinct. “It’s not like I fell now head over heels for you.”
That happened long before his teachings. Nevertheless it hurt when Kakashi nodded again and walked over to your door like nothing ever happened between you. But you couldn’t move. Your heart was heavy and the mask in your hand trembled while you watched the man disappear. He waved, you waved back, then the door closed with a resolute snap.
The rest of the day was blurry to you. Like an automat you followed the routine for an Anbu-mission: report to the Hokage, briefing, team assembling at the gates, sprints through the crown of trees. The only thing which ruled your mind was the indirect rejection you received.
There were no tears. You had no chance to begin with. Only the hope inside you died which bloomed during those weeks and you blamed yourself for originally believing there would be hope for a relationship between Kakashi and you. Everything was dull, but not your heart. With every move it clenched in pain, reminding you of all the things you two did and shared and that every secret fantasy you created was in vain.
Holding hands. Hugging. Simple loving caresses, not meant to be sexual. Kisses, gentle and sometimes not so gentle, only meant to get your returned feelings across. Only sleeping in one bed, Kakashi spooning you from behind. His breath in your back, ruffling the short tresses on your neck, telling you he was asleep, but his arms were still slung around your body.
A sob rippled in your chest. But there was a time and place for crying and surely it wasn’t now and on the way to kill a fleeing man. So you closed off the feelings, tied them up, stuffed a dirty cloth into the mouth and threw them into a faraway corner of your mind. You had a job. And nothing would hinder you from doing your fucking job.
A mere tool in the hands of Konoha. Serve and obey, without an emotion. Maybe it was a better way of living.
Your mates must realize you weren’t your usual self, but thankfully they didn’t press anything. You fulfilled the tasks given to you: patrols, cooking and scouting, so there was no need to talk about emotions. Even the short fight between your squad and the missing nin (who was a pathetic fuck anyway) couldn’t rip you out of your melancholy.
The situation which actually did was scary and stopped your heart for a few seconds.
On the way back you dully searched for any sign of activity around and so noticed as the first the commotion. Silent you gave your team a handsign to get slower. From this point you three Anbus crouched through the leaves, always aware of any noise or other signs of movements around you. Soon your squad reached a clearing and your eyes grew wide when you realized what was going on just now.
That dumbass Kakashi. Every fucking mission he managed to get into trouble. The silver haired jounin was in the middle of the open place, the blond jinchuriki and the pink female were nowhere to be found. But a few miles away birds flew into the sky, agitated by the high shriek of the trademark-attack of Uzumaki or maybe the ground-splittering punch of Haruno. The noise of an intense battle rummaged through the near forest, while your friend flashed through a reign of handsigns. Your sight was blinded by the Raikiri Kakashi just used against one of the enemies and you closed them for a moment, until a pained scream of the unlucky fool hit by the jutsu echoed over the clearing.
Bear, a sturdy man and the tallest out of your team sneaked closer. “Shall we help?”
The other man, one of the males who shit-chattered about you a few weeks ago, shook his head. Light was shortly reflected from the mouse face. “No. We have to get back. Hatake is able to handle that.”
There were still twelve attackers. Around the feet of your friend already piled three corpses, freshly punctured by his electrical charged jutsu or just out cold. You didn’t believe Kakashi was able to stand his ground. Even for a genius there was the term ‘overpowered’; and Kakashi might be strong and experienced, but he got older, like everyone.
Behind you Bear and Mouse continued their silent exchange, discussing about the pros and cons of helping the already injured shinobi, while you only watched with pain in your heart the man fight for his life. For you everything was clear. If he would manage to defeat all of them, you wouldn’t get involved. If there would be a situation he needed help, you would jump in, but not before that.
“Stop that,” you hissed finally as the discussion threatened to get out of hand, “we will watch until the end, then react properly if there’s a need.”
Mouse wanted to say something, but you stopped him with a sharp gesture and a glare. Kakashi just annihilated the next opponent with tai-jutsu, a swift kick to the chin of the taller man and he fell like a chopped tree. Like you he was extremely flexible, a fact he had proven numerous times to you. For a second the memories washed over you and you couldn’t suppress the little whimper rippling out of your mouth anymore.
Then everything happened really fast and at the same time very slow.
Behind Kakashi a guy creeped out of the bushes. The male moved with the grace of a shinobi, maybe another traitorous ninja on the run, who happened to encounter the group of vigilantes which Kakashi fought right now. You tried to sense the chakra, but to your shock there was nothing. The up-sneaking man blend into the natural chakra-flow of the forest around him, while he slowly made his way over to the copy ninja, one hand stuffed into the torn flak vest, the other outstretched. (In the back of your mind you recognized the similarities to the green-cladded student of Maito Gai, he also couldn’t be detected by ordinary sensory ninjas.)
He had a long knife of the length of your forearm in his hands. The sharp tip glistened in the sunlight as he creeped over the grass, meanwhile the other enemies distracted Kakashi that he didn’t notice the approach during his wild fight. To your growing fear you realized your friend wasn’t able to sense the attack. You weren’t even sure if you would be able in the same situation, occupied by now eleven enemies and the back facing the sneaky assassin.
You fidgeted around. The bark underneath your feet groaned weakly and Bear threw a gaze at you. Ten meter, eight, then only six meters parted your friend from the assassin. Dread struck your insides.
Kakashi would get killed if you wouldn’t step up. He would get buried and you would stand at his grave, crying and regretting. It was better to die like an idiot than live like scum. Your decision was set. The threat was now only four meters away from Kakashi, who just started another rapid physical exchange with three enemies at once. You got ready to jump down.
The knife blinked.
You jumped out of the tree.
The man raised the weapon over his head.
Kakashi noticed the blur out of the corner of his eye and turned his head to you.
With a growl you forced your legs to go faster.
The assassin saw you and also speed up his attempt to kill your friend.
The knife was lowered, a silver flash in your vision.
There was not enough time. You did the only thing you could in your situation. Twirling around, you got a hold of your short sword and threw it with a twist at the assassin, in the same second the knife of him left his hand and flew over to Kakashi.
But you predicted that. And that was the reason the sharp blade cut through your flesh and muscles. You felt the cold metal enter, piercing your chest directly between two bows of rips. Up to close you saw the man go down with you, your own weapon stuck in his throat. He was stupid and ripped violently at the knife, making his wound even bigger and his own death coming quicker. Blood spurted like a waterfall out of the male, a beautiful red arc in the clear air. At least you killed the man who tried to murder your friend. Then the time got back to normal. A low grunt escaped your lips as your side slammed into the ground, stones scraping through the fabric of your shirt and digging into your skin. The world tumbled around, sky and earth spinning in your narrowed vision until you faced the blue horizon above. At least you had a nice view while facing death.
“(Name)!” In your back Kakashis desperate voice echoed in the air. The sound of blades meeting flesh and the screams of pain told you your comrades joined the fight, helping the ex-Anbu with the power in front of him.
The pain was bearable as long as you didn’t move. Grimacing you looked down at the knife. To the handle stuck the knife in your chest. The sharp metal ripped your armor like paper and the tip peeked out of your back. A single, clean cut through your lung. A laugh gurgled inside, then you coughed, spit, laughed again. Blood started to ooze out of the wound, slowly coloring the white and black of your clothes in red. Just like the liquid dripped out of you, your life left your limbs. Your fingers were already numb, so were your toes and feet. You jittered and your tooth clicked in your trembles.
It was so cold. Then you must’ve blacked out, because the next thing you noticed was the light stinging in your eyes. Someone had removed your mask and Kakashi looked down at you, worry edged into his covered features. “(Name)! No, not you too…” Desperately he shook his head, his eyes darting from your features to the threatening wound and back, unsure where to settle on.
The memory of Kakashi seeing you for the first time in your fine underwear rose and you laughed again, well, tried. You choked on your own blood. It cloaked in your throat and you coughed heavily, before you smiled weakly at him. A single drop ran down, out of your mouth and over your chin. “Don’t. You live. Everything else,” another heavy coughing fit and pain teared finally through your body, “doesn’t matter.”
His hands hovered over the handle, not sure if he should take it out or not. Then he decided otherwise and just slung his arms around you, careful and not touching the wound. “I can’t accept that. I can’t! You out of all people! No, I won’t accept your death.” he hissed. To your mild surprise a green light appeared around his fingers and the soothing aura of a healing jutsu entered your consciousness. When did Kakashi learn that? He never told you. But instead of accepting the healing, you forced your unresponsive hands to close around his, entangling your fingers and enjoying the last moments you could be with him. You could imagine the state of his chakra reserves very well, low and drained from a week of constant danger. The green light faded away as his concentration broke and you forced yourself to look properly at your beloved, thanking the heavens he was unharmed despite the countless minor cuts. There were something you had to spill. You had not much time left.
“Don’t.” you repeated. “You need… chakra. Don’t waste it… on me.”
“I will not lose you. I will not lose anyone!”
“Listen Kakashi…”
“There must be an option, Sakura just needs to arrive and-,”
“I wanted… to tell you now… for a long time…”
“-she can heal you, then you can return-,”
“The last weeks were the best, because… I was able to spend them… with you.”
“-We will laugh and talk like we did before, but please don’t leave me!”
“The only thing… I wanted to say… the whole time…”
“(Name), don’t! Don’t talk to me like you’re dying!”
“I love you.”
You saw the widening of his eyes. Shock, then quick realization flashed through him and you knew he never expected you to confess. Kakashi never expected that you had any deeper feelings for him. Still smiling you reached up and cupped his masked cheek, a single tear dropping from your eyelashes as you forced the last words out of your mouth, knowing it would be your death sentence.
“I always loved you. And thanks… For everything.”
Then your vision went black.
Screams and shouts.
“Sakura! Over here!”
A strong chest and a familiar voice which whispered into your ear, faintly telling you NOT TO DIE…
Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. PAIN, ripping, tearing, cutting and sliding out.
Flying. Through air and leaves. One fell to your chest and stayed there, until someone plugged it down from you.
Chemicals, disgusting and underneath the scent of blood.
White. Flashes of silver, grim and sharp, but also a softer tone, hovering always near you.
Darkness. Merciful darkness. Calm. Nice.
Words, hushed and strained. “Don’t leave me. I can’t live…”
You were confused. The last thing you remembered clearly was a clearing deep in the woods around Konoha and a horde of people gathering around Kakashi. Other frames of memories danced like small butterflies through the dazed widths of your mind, escaping everytime you tried to catch them.
It was night when you awoke fully, your brain clear enough to actually recognize your surroundings. A little groan, not louder than the sounds of a cricket escaped you as you moved and pain, bearable but annoying, flashed through your body, focused around your chest. The pain caused your eyes to flutter open, revealing only different shades of white to you. After blinking hectically and making sure you weren’t blinded, you realized it must be the hospital of Konoha where you laid now, patched up and bandaged to hinder your intestines from falling out. The scent of disinfectant told you and you hissed again as you moved lightly, trying to find another position in bed.
A groan startled you. Only a little lamp gave the white hospital room some light and illuminated a figure sitting in one of the uncomfortable chairs you knew very well. His head rested near your hips at the white covers, arms crossed below the chin to make the position at least bearable. For some minutes you tried to remember why exactly Kakashi would stay even after the visiting times behind, then slowly some things came back to you.
The flash of the knife. A terrible pain and the feeling not to be able to breathe properly. Screams, desperate and pleading you not to die.
He slept soundly, so you just gazed at his upper face. Then, just as slow as a snail, you watched how your hand moved to the feathery scalp and ruffled through the hair, endeavored not to wake the male up. The warmth from the sleeping body seeped through your skin into your hands and your lips lifted into a faint smile at the sight how Kakashi leaned into your palm, only a slight shift in balance. It was so cute that your heart speed up.
You didn’t know how much time passed (minutes? Hours?), but sometime his face wrenched in pain, eyes still closed. A nightmare tortured him.
You gently rattled him awake. “Wake up. Come on Kakashi. Wake up.” You already knew the signs and you couldn’t watch him suffer in the horrible pictures of his mind.
The ninja flinched, then his eyelids shut open. For a moment they were not fixated and still midway into sleep, but then his look cleared and he locked eyes with you. “You’re awake.” he mumbled and yawned, actually making the effort to cover his mouth despite the black mask sitting in his face.
“You too.” you retorted.
“For me it was just a quick nap.”
“How long I was gone then?”
“A week. The trauma of removing the knife was the real problem.”
“The recovery time?”
“A month. Maybe less if you not strain the impact zone.”
Absent minded you stroked over the bandage wrapped around your torso. A month. You never were so injured to drop out of the active Anbu duty for a whole month. Inwardly you cringed at the innerving rehabilitation and always friendly nurses trying to help you with the simplest tasks.
Kakashi leaned back into his chair, the hands entangled and resting at the spot where he previously slept on. “I must thank you. You saved my life.”
“In retro perspective I just needed to use a shuriken or kunai to stop him. It was stupid to throw myself into the knife.”
“Then why doing it?”
“You know why.” You remembered the confession you made in the face of death. You remembered also his confusion and surprise at your words and the emotional pain caused by his shock. “You know now why.”
It was strange how words could change so much between two humans. The last two weeks (no, three weeks) you slept countless times with Kakashi, shared your most private fantasies with him, but now you fiddled like the young Hyuuga heiress with your fingers, too embarrassed by the close proximity of the silver haired jounin.
“I don’t understand.” Kakashi said finally. “Since when…?”
You nestled nervously with the edges of your white blanket. “Since a few years. But especially since the attack from Orochimaru during the chunin exams.” you mumbled back and watched how his brain started to work.
“You tried to cut connections that time. Because of your feelings for me?”
You nodded only. Suddenly the blank white of the walls was interesting enough to stare at them for hours. Never you would have believed something could be as ridiculous as telling Kakashi your most secret sex fantasies, but now you knew something more humiliating. Talking calmly about your emotions, dissecting them until they were only an empty corpse, ripped from any real meaning and in the end hearing he couldn’t answer them and that he liked you, but only in a friendly way. So you got ready for the surely nice rejection he would give to you like he gave various other females who had approached him.
“(Name), I don’t know how to tell you…”
You hold your breath and got ready for the impact.
“…That you’re incredible dense.”
“Huh?” That wasn’t a rejection. Surprised you turned away from your lap and stared at the male, who grinned his infamous creased-eyes-smile underneath the black mask. Kakashi snickered, obviously enjoying your shocked expression. “Don’t you think it’s weird that I offer you to teach you how to have sex? Didn’t you think it was at least a bit awkward even for a loyal friend to help you in such an intense way? Hell,” he shook his head in suppressed laughter, “and I believed you would get it after some time! All those sneaky advances, dates and breakings into your apartment went to waste, just because you were so obvious!”
“Aren’t you turning me down?” you asked dumbfounded. Something was reborn in your chest, sticking its head out of the grave and sniffing for the fresh air of a new day. And as he shook his head, this time denying your question and still laughing, you joined weakly in. Your chest still hurt though, thus you grimaced after some seconds and unconsciously clutched into the blankets. Immediately Kakashi reacted to you and cupped your cheek; an unbelievable gentle and loving caress standing in a stark contrast to the hard fucks he usually loved to give you, but you wished so long for something like this right now.
Your eyes met and you raised your own hand to his, clutching it before you bit your lower lip, flushing in embarrassment. The silver haired ninja had recovered from his outbreak of happiness and only looked at you, almost yearning standing in the black pools.
“During the war there was not much time to think.” he started and surprised you once more. Kakashi didn’t talk about his actions during the fights with you, and you saw the reason in the deep involvement of Obito. But it seemed like you were totally wrong on that. “But while I fought with my childhood friend and saw the hate in his eyes, how much he turned for Rin… The only thing that was in my mind was you. You were always… so friendly to everyone, so open, so excited about the simplest things. You enjoy life like no other shinobi I know. And I wanted to protect that innocent part of yours, no matter what. That thought was my anchor of just getting through all of this, to stand up when the enemy was too strong or the others were too numerous.”
While he spoke, Kakashi shifted closer to you. His fingers were warm and you started to draw cycles on the back of his hand, humming weakly to soothe him. And it worked. After some minutes he continued, voice raw and head hanging low, but he squeezed gently back. “When I got informed you were alive, I was so glad. And when you just stood there and made jokes about how you kicked the asses of a whole company of Zetsus alone, the only thing I wanted to do was dragging you somewhere peaceful and kiss the living daylights out of you. But back then I believed you only saw me as a friend, so I just shoved my hands into my pockets and wandered over.”
You remembered that moment clearly. Your heart had stopped for a moment as you saw Kakashi casually strolling into the little circle of shinobis, full of bruises and blood, but on top of everything alive and well. He had given you a small smile, then waved, a silly gesture in comparison to the bear-like hug you had given him in return.
“Then we cleaned all this mess up and returned to our daily business. You were busy with reconstruction and I was being instructed by Tsunade to become the next Hokage, so we didn’t see each other much. Nevertheless I was everytime glad you invited me out, even when I acted like I didn’t care about it. Just spending time with you was great, hearing your voice, listening to your bad jokes and rantings about life… And then that night came. You were so sad and I just wanted to help you so badly…The only thing I could come up with was teaching you how to sleep with other men,” he spit the word out in disgust, “to make you maybe realize that there could be something more between us. But the mere thought of you having the same reactions with others… It made me sick.”
You couldn’t help yourself but to grin at the openly displayed jealousy from Kakashi. You never saw him like this: agitated and frowning at the mere thought of you sleeping with others. Like you could after all those things he did. You were helplessly addicted to only his touch and his voice commanding you.
“Any why did you end our lessons then?” you asked softly.
He didn’t answered immediately. Instead Kakashi looked at your entangled hands and how they laid in your lap, innocently trying to get as many contact as he could without crawling into your bed and hurting you accidently. Then he raised his head, a little crease between his eyebrows like he didn’t like to be reminded of the situation back then. “I got too involved. You showed no sign of becoming attached to me, but I got more and more intrigued with every lesson we had. I stayed in your bed when I didn’t had to, we ate together afterwards or only laid in each other’s arms. And when you acted like nothing ever happened between us only minutes ago we had sex, I…” Kakashi shook his head. “I took it as the last chance. If you would show anything else but sexual attraction, then I would confess. But you did not.”
You understood somehow and smiled sadly at the whole situation and stupidity of both of you. Your Anbu-education forbid you to show any sign of traitorous emotions and so you had locked every physical reaction away, only letting them out when you had slept with each other. The whole time Kakashi had the same kind of feelings, the same kind of troubles, the same kind of confusing self-imposed restrictions. Even when his Anbu times were over some years ago, the laws were still installed inside the jounin and hindered him from telling his feelings clearly without the reassurance they were answered. Just like you.
“God, Kakashi…” You cradled his hand in yours before speaking up. “As I could sleep with just anyone. You know,” at that point you kissed out of impulse his knuckles and watched how he blinked surprised, “Since years I wanted nothing else but to have sex with only you. The last weeks were some of the best but also most painful in my life, because I believed you were still into Rin. I thought I could live with just being able to touch you, but the hole in my chest just got bigger. I was able to forget about it in your arms, but when you left it surfaced again and again. I told myself so many times to let go, but I couldn’t. Because,” you breathed out and smiled, “I’m in love with you, Kakashi. Not somebody else. There couldn’t be anybody else.”
“It’s true, I was into Rin for some time and still was when I told you about her. But now the only woman in my mind is you, (Name). Please believe me.”
Kakashi was pleading you to believe in him. How could you resist? Wasn’t the silent perseverance throughout the week you were out reason enough? Weren’t the desperate callings of your name when he thought you would die proof for his words? Leaning down you rested your forehead at his, feeling the cool metal of his headband pressing the contour of the Konoha symbol into your skin. “Naturally I believe you.” you choked out.
This was definitely a dream, the best you ever had so far. Because Kakashi pressed a quick kiss to your lips, because he hugged you gently and tried not to touch your freshly healed wounds, because he climbed carefully into the small hospital bed and let you snuggle into the crook of his arm and sleep, all the while only being there for you.
The last thing you heard from him before you went to sleep was a weak “I love you.” from him, then you blacked completely out, smiling lightly and gripping into Kakashis green vest.
The next weeks still felt like a dream to you, but with every day the copy ninja proved how much he wanted to stay by your side. With the patience of an angel he sat at your bed everyday, reading in front of you Icha-Icha-novels and jokingly reading passages out loud to chuckle at the flushed cheeks you got. Together you talked about the most ridiculous things and enjoyed the visits of Naruto and Sakura, who got to know you better than they ever wished (they surprised you and Kakashi during a not-so-careful-as-needed-make-out session). Also Tsunade snowed in, screamed a bit at you for being so irresponsible and thick-headed to jump in front of a knife, then calmed down and grumpily discharged you, what made Kakashi in return very happy. He pushed you to stay for the last days of your recovery in his flat, however you saw the mischievous glint in his eyes when you agreed.
Kakashi was up to something and you expected his ‘attack’ with anticipation.
The silver haired man had teleported both of you into his flat, in the same second the word “Discharged.” left Tsunade’s mouth. For the sake of your dignity he had slung one arm around your waist and supported you only, not carried your still stiff body bridal-style (like Kakashi originally suggested it), but instantly, not even the dancing leaves from the shushin died down, Kakashi latched himself upon you.
“You thick-headed mull!” you shouted out, but the impact was lessened by the breathless groan which escaped. You stopped his wandering hands and clutched them between your bodies, all the while searching his eyes. “I’m still recovering. And having the same kind of sex we had until now would get in the way.”
You were standing in his living room, but quickly you stumbled over to the comfy couch and sank down on it, the male following you on your wheels. The single room was compared to yours far more spacious. Also the rest of the apartment was larger and you smugly grinned at the thought of Kakashi opening his precious house to you and only for you.
He hovered before your feet, an invisible pout on his face. “But I’m behaving now since two weeks. All the time we only shared innocent-!”
“Don’t you dare to say innocent.” you interrupted. “Remember the day the nurse marched into some groping? Or when the night nurse came in to find you half naked on top of me? Or the day after that, when your students barged in, only to see me, only in bandages and you only covered with your mask and a-!”
Kakashi put his hands in a defensive matter up. “I get it, I get it. No sex.” Then the teasing glint vanished, getting replaced by worry. He crouched down and looked into your eyes, the eyebrows drawn together and hands placed at the sides of your thighs. Your breath hitched at the intensity the usual calm jounin displayed. “I wouldn’t do anything what would get in the way of your health. I can wait until you’re alright again, alright enough to be completely free of any pain or sting. Until then I will be your humble servant, my dear.”
Kakashi leaned forward and until you properly realized what he was doing, he had placed a quick kiss at your forehead and weaseled into the kitchen, rummaging through the cupboards in search for some mugs. Your heart fluttered at the sweet gesture and unconsciously your lips lifted.
Your dream had come true. Kakashi loved you back. He gave you sweet kisses on the forehead, called you ‘my dear’, made sure you weren’t straining yourself. It was far more than you could’ve asked and everything you ever longed for.
Listening to the homey sounds coming from the kitchen, you were lulled to sleep, exhausted by the previous partaking physiotherapy and medical drugs in your system. Maybe it had also something to do with the low hum resounding through the rooms, which made you smile. Your dream was confusing,, sometimes disturbed by the outer world by loud sounds (sometimes having sharp senses was a pain in the ass) but you clearly felt the distant but assuring safety surrounding all of you, so you drowsed always again off.
Hours later, the sun already vanished behind the great hokage mountain, you woke up from your nap. A blanket was carefully placed over your slouched form and a cup of already cold tea was settled at the coffee table in front of you. Yawning you scouted out for Kakashi, but didn’t spot his body in your proximity. But when you checked his chakra signature, you sighed out in relief and slowly propped yourself up from the couch.
“You shouldn’t be up.”
Kakashi scowled lightly as he watched you stumbling into his bedroom. Closing one of the colorful Icha-Icha-novels, he got up and supported you until you nearly collapsed completely exhausted on the furniture. “Sleep is important for the injured.”
“And you’re the expert, huh? Craning my neck on the back of your sofa isn’t adding to my health Hatake.”
“And you being stubborn won’t help either (Surname).”
“Don’t use my own words against me.”
He chuckled. “Wasn’t it after Team Kakashi retrieved the Kazekage from Akatsuki and I returned totally depleted from chakra you said that to me? How the tables have turned.”
You rolled your eyes. “Now you feel better, you little…” A quick flash of pain stopped your rantings and you breathed rashly in, what caused the silver haired man to bend down and check your injury. For that purpose he hauled your shirt up and felt for any fractures or blood oozing through the bandages. When he was done, Kakashi retreated lightly, but kept near enough to let you feel the warmth of his body.
“Never again,” he clicked his tongue, “throw yourself in front of an attack meant for me. Seriously, just don’t. Seeing you lying in a pool of your own blood shaved some years of my lifespan (Name).”
“Watching a man sneaking up on you was also frightening.” You remembered the feeling of horrible helplessness in the face of losing Kakashi. Apparently he felt so too and it made you heart grow warm and getting sick at the same time. Because some day you had to part and with you being in Anbu and the slouched genius being the next hokage, you had to protect him with your own body if it was needed, it would be you dying first.
Kakashi knew it too. The thought shined out of his black eyes while he cupped your cheeks with his calloused hands. Silent he steadied you and just as silent, you reached out and pulled the mask down. He was wearing his tanktop with his trademark mask attached to it, so the black fabric was everything that hindered your look to capture all of his facial structures.
“I think I’m going to quit Anbu.” you exclaimed suddenly. “I mean, eleven years of active duty and I still have all my fingers and toes. They say one should stop when it just got good, right? Living a rather peaceful life as a normal jounin, maybe helping the freshly baked hokage out on my free days… Doesn’t sound too bad.”
Kakashi smiled that his orbs creased into the small half-moons. “No.” he murmured and pecked your lips. This time your skin touched and the contact was short, but loving. Still cupping your cheeks, he retreated, dimples appearing in his face. “Doesn’t sound too bad to me either.”
Extended Ending:
“You’re stealing all the blankets.”
“Shut up. I’m the injured this time, so stop complaining.”
“Maa, you’re feisty when you’re hurt. Hopefully it will last until you’re better.”
“Just so you can discipline me, huh?”
“I’m becoming predictable.”
“...”
“…”
“Kakashi?”
“My dear.”
“I’ve been a bad, bad girl.”
“… (Name)…”
“I’m a thief. And a thief needs to be punished.”
“(Name).”
“Yes?”
“We wait.”
“But-!”
“We. Wait.”
“…Okay.”
“I created a monster.”
“But you love me nevertheless?”
“I love you even when you start to get all wrinkly and old.”
“Kakashi!”
“That, my dear, was revenge. Now sleep. Love you.”
“I love you too, you meanie.”