Chapter Text
“Absolutely not.” Anders turned up his long nose and sniffed dismissively at the article of clothing Fenris held in his hands.
“Anders. It will only be for a few hours at most.” Fenris explained for what seemed like the thousandth time. “You can endure that much, can’t you?”
“No. I’ll stay here with the children, the cat, and the dog. We’ll watch The Littlest Mabari or Thunder Upon The Mountains and eat popcorn. You can go get drunk with our friends and exchange White Druffalo gifts.” Anders insisted.
“You will survive.” Fenris said. “We will enjoy dinner with our friends, endure their strange gift exchange, and return home at eleven. We already paid Orana to care for Victoria and Nick while we’re gone. They so looked forward to it.”
The children had been bouncing around the house all week at the prospect of spending an entire evening with Fenris’s shy student, one of their favorite babysitters outside their large collection of uncles and aunts. Victoria planned an entire itinerary of activities for the evening, including baking cookies, playing board games, and planning the music for their fathers’ upcoming wedding in the spring. Nick already picked out a selection of movies for them to watch. They were excited for a night without their parents, and Victoria continued to say that the two adults should enjoy themselves and stay out later than they promised. She thought her suggestions were subtle, which amused Fenris to no end.
“I will be perfectly humiliated, you mean.” Anders retorted, and he tossed his blond hair back with a shake of his head. He was pouting now, though he was mostly exaggerating and putting on a show for fun. He wore uglier outfits in all those foster homes when he was growing up. It was just one sweater. One ugly, ugly sweater.
“Anders.” Fenris sighed. “Put on the damn sweater and get in the car.”
“It is hideous, Fenris, and you aren’t one for Satinalia celebrations! Why are you making me wear a Satinalia sweater?” Anders whined.
Anders knew it wasn’t a fair argument. Fenris did not celebrate Satinalia. He wasn’t Andrastian. Though he did not follow the Dalish teachings devoutly, Fenris celebrated Dalish holidays and customs. Anders found out how tied Fenris was to his culture after they moved in together. Fenris celebrated Dalish holidays with Victoria, and Anders and Nick were slowly drawn into participating in Dalish practices with them.
But there were surprises as well, and Anders found it hard to reconcile what he had always known with what was new. The cultural divide grew more apparent as they planned their wedding. Anders remembered the drawn out conversation they had over the details of the ceremony. Anders had no particular interest in any religious ceremonies. He had done it before with Karl, and Anders didn’t want to stand in front of another Chantry Mother and hear her drone on about love and devotion when she clearly didn’t care to marry a mage to an elf. Anders did not want the Chantry involved in his marriage, and he would have been happy just signing a license and having a nice dinner out. But Fenris wanted a wedding, a small one to celebrate with their friends and family. It was difficult to compromise, but they had to try.
-
”We could just go to the Registration Office and sign the papers. It’s a lot easier.” Anders argued. He refused to get married in a Chantry, even if Sebastian officiated. Fenris was comfortable holding the ceremony at the Wounded Coast Botanical Gardens, and was willing to forego the usual singing of the Chant in favor of the old Circle tradition of handfasting that Anders favored. But Fenris insisted on getting married under a Dalish wedding canopy.
”Why a wedding canopy?” Anders asked as they looked over different pictures of the gardens in the spring to select the best place for the ceremony. It all seemed like such a bother to organize everything. That was why handfasting was so prevalent in Circles throughout history. All it required were the people getting married and a piece of string. It may not have been a “real” ceremony, but it was real enough for those who participated.
”It is important to me.” Fenris said shortly. “What about the Antivan courtyard garden? The fountain is nice.”
”On scale of one to ten,” Anders asked, employing a technique Fenris so often used with Victoria to rate the importance of a wish or task. “How important is the wedding canopy?”
”A nine.” Fenris said promptly.
”That’s… important.” Anders replied. “I can’t say no to a nine.” And he wouldn’t want to. Fenris so rarely asked for anything, Anders couldn’t deny him this one request. And Fenris was willing to handfast for him, so what was the harm?
”It’s just… you aren’t Dalish, Fenris.” Anders pointed out carefully, aware that it was delicate ground to tread on. “I didn’t realize how much it mattered to you.”
”My mother was devout, as was my sister.” Fenris had said softly. “When I light the candles and sing the prayers, I feel close to them again. Now, do you prefer the Antivan courtyard garden or Orlesian rose garden for the ceremony?”
-
Anders understood family. He was happy to help Fenris celebrate his holidays and customs now he knew what it meant to his fiancé. Now their blended family celebrated the winter holidays of Satinalia and the Homecoming Festival together. Anders put up a pine tree and baked more gingerbread mabari than they could possibly eat while telling the children old Anderfels tales of spirits who kept watch over the good and bad children of the villages and left candies in their shoes in the night. Fenris set up the traditional lamp shaped like Halla antlers in the front window, and he taught the children small prayers and songs dedicated to Ghilan’nain while lighting the wicks. Neither of them were particularly fond of organized religion, but they embraced the holidays as a time to celebrate finding a home and forming a family. But forming a family and home, Anders thought with a bit of dissatisfaction in his heart, did not mean putting on an ugly sweater for your fiancé’s entertainment!
”Hideous.” Anders muttered as he glared at the sweater in his hands.
“Anders. You wear scrubs with cat faces on them every day. You can wear an ugly Satinalia sweater for one party.” Fenris pointed out, and Anders sniffed again. After all, that sweater was hideous. It was woven from scratchy wool dyed bright green and red and adorned with a picture of a mabari wearing Andraste’s starburst crown. It was a gift from Hawke, hence the mabari. Anders hated it. It would not be so terrible if it were a cat, but still! Hawke was a terrible gift giver.
”Your sweater isn’t nearly as ugly.” Anders complained as he pulled the ugly mabari sweater over his head. Fenris wandered into the kitchen while Anders looked at himself in the hallway mirror. His hair was mussed up and his sweater wrinkled, so he smoothed the strands down with his fingers and tugged the sweater down so it fit properly. Anders heard Nick and Victoria arguing in the living room over the merits of different board games as they waited for Orana to come and watch them for the evening.
”Why can’t we play Inquisition!?” Nick asked.
”Nick, that game takes forever! Even with our house rules!” Victoria whined. “Can’t we play The Orlesian Ball instead?”
”We played that last week!” Nick protested. “With Dad and Papa!”
”Yeah, but Dad and Papa got all weird about it. It doesn’t count.” Victoria replied, and Anders just knew the girl had squinted her eyes and wrinkled her nose in her standard expression of disgust. She probably even stuck her tongue out, Anders thought fondly.
So perhaps Anders had taken the role of the Orlesian courtesan Lady Mauve a little too seriously. He flirted outrageously with Fenris the entire game, but was it such a crime to flirt? The children evidently thought so, because they complained every time the elegant Lady Mauve batted her eyelashes at the dashing Captain Moss. No sense of romance, but that was to be expected. They were only ten, after all.
”What about Nug Racers? It’s multiplayer” Nick finally suggested, naming a video game the two liked to play together, and the argument was over as soon as it started. Fenris finally returned to the front hallway in his much prettier sweater.
”See!” Anders complained, gesturing towards the sparkling blue and white sweater. “It’s not nearly as hideous!”
”It is a sweater celebrating the Dalish Homecoming Festival.” Fenris retorted. “It has tinsel. It counts.” The sweater had a knitted white halla and its many branched horns in the center and silver tinsel stars stitched into the blue wool. It was infinitely less silly than Anders’s mabari sweater, but Anders acknowledged that it was a legitimately ugly sweater. Fenris just made everything look beautiful. The glittery sweater was gorgeous on him, which was just unfair.
”Fine. But I absolutely refuse to sing Chantry carols.” Anders grumbled, and Fenris laughed before pressing a kiss to Anders’s cheek. “Not even if you get me drunk on Sebastian’s stash of Starkhaven whiskey. I refuse!”
”It is just as well. I do not know many Chantry songs.” Fenris said easily as the doorbell rang out. The children ran into the hallway. Victoria’s braided pigtails were falling out of their elastics again, while Nick’s hair was a halo of messy blonde curls. Bear the mabari and Pounce the cat somehow joined the welcoming committee as Fenris opened the door and let Orana inside the house.
”Orana!” Victoria and Nick shrieked, nearly bowling the lithe girl over with their enthusiastic hugs. Bear started barking, and Pounce descended down the stairs to give the girl a curious look over. Pounce lingered on the first step and flicked his tail back and forth, while Bear bounced about the hall wiggling his entire body.
”Children! Behave!” Fenris said sharply in the sort of tone that normally got Anders dropping his smalls to the floor because Fenris barking out orders did things to him. The children retreated, and Orana immediately made excuses for them.
”It really is no trouble, Messere Fenris, I don’t mind!” Orana giggled, giving the children hugs before she took off her big green coat and unwrapped her lavender colored scarf from around her neck. Anders took the items (along with the girl’s bright blue earmuffs) and hung them up on the hooks behind the wooden bench Fenris insisted they put in the front hall. It would keep their family more organized, Fenris argued, but the bench and the hooks only served as a resting place for all their coats and shoes and other household junk.
”Yes, but they know better.” Anders said cheerfully. He shrugged on his jacket, a dark teal peacoat Fenris bought him for his birthday. Fenris told Orana the children’s schedule as he pulled on his own jacket. It was black of course, Anders thought with exasperated fondness. It was difficult to convince Fenris to wear colors. He said that wearing black was simple and prevented accidents with the laundry, but Anders pointed out that he handled their laundry now, so wearing colorful outfits shouldn’t be so difficult for Fenris now.
”We have vegetable stew in the crockpot on the counter, and they may have a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows or whipped cream. The marshmallows are kosher, so Victoria can have them.” Fenris said as he wrapped his bright red scarf around his neck. “Bedtime is at ten, since it’s a Friday and a special occasion.”
”We have everything to make sugar cookies and frosting. Feel free to bake some. The kids know where everything is.” Anders added. “Watch out for Pounce and Bear, they tag team and steal treats.”
”I’ll keep a close eye on them, Messere Anders.” Orana promised.
”I know you will.” Anders said before he grabbed the two gifts for the White Druffalo exchange from the hallway table. Anders had filled two large mason jars with the layered dry ingredients for his chocolate and coconut macaroons, and Fenris wrapped the jars up in beautiful white wrapping paper dusted with silver stars. Now dressed in their ugly sweaters with gifts in hand, they were ready to leave for Hawke’s party. Anders hoped the children would behave for Orana. They had been so rowdy today!
”Don’t worry, Messere Anders, Messere Fenris. We’ll be fine here!” Orana promised. “Have fun at your party!”
”We’ll be good, papa!” Victoria said earnestly.
”Don’t worry about us!” Nick added, and the children pushed their parents out the front door.
They were quiet as they buckled into their seats. Fenris took the driver’s seat, and Anders held the presents in his lap as they backed out of the driveway and started the drive to Hawke’s house, cutting through neighborhoods and taking the “scenic” route. Other households had Satinalia lights strung up outside their homes, though Anders spied a few homes with Antivan lanterns set out on the ground instead of the traditional electric lights. There were one or two homes with the now familiar Dalish Halla lamp set in the front window. Three candles were lit out of the seven, seven prongs for the seven days Ghilan’nain was left lost and sightless in the woods before she was turned into a halla and found her home at the side of Andruil.
”Is the Homecoming Festival a large part of Dalish culture?” Anders asked when they reached a stoplight. Fenris shrugged his shoulders in response, his proud profile thrown into stark relief by the street lights.
”Not particularly. But with so many Andrastians celebrating Satinalia around the same time, it became commercialized. Now it seems bigger than it really is. There are more important holidays.” Fenris explained.
”Like the Dalish New Year?” Anders asked. Anders remembered the New Year celebrations dedicated to Mythal, mostly because Fenris fasted during the day and ate after the sun went down. Nick had felt extremely guilty over the fasting and wondered if it was alright to eat when Fenris couldn’t, but Fenris assured the boy that he did not have to participate if he didn’t want to. After all, Fenris explained, Victoria couldn't fast because she was too young. If either of them wanted to join in and fast for the New Year, they could participate when they were thirteen. Anders remembered the day fondly. He cooked traditional dishes from the Dalish tribes that lived around Tevinter, and the time he spent looking for recipes and ingredients was worth it when Fenris saw the food displayed on the table. His smile rivaled Victoria’s sunny grins at that moment, and Anders was filled with joy.
”Yes, Anders, like the New Year.” Fenris said with a small, indulgent smile. “Or the holiday dedicated to Dirthamen and Falon’Din.”
”Right.” Anders replied. “The death one.”
”That’s a simple way to put it, yes.” Fenris sighed, but he took Anders’s hand in his and brought it to his lips. “Do we turn right or left?”
”Left.” Anders said. “Fenris, do you think we could ask Orana to house sit for us when we go on our honeymoon? It’s only for a week but I would feel more comfortable with someone in the house.”
”We could. Or we could ask Hawke. They’re already looking after Nick, Victoria, Pounce, and Bear.”
”Hawke will kill your plants, Fenris.” Anders pointed out. “All the plants.”
”We’ll ask.” Fenris promised, and the rest of the ride was taken in comfortable silence. Fenris never let go of Anders’s hand.
Eventually they parted when they reached Hawke’s home, a surprisingly nice house in the old part of town. The place had been refurbished by Hawke’s parents, and Hawke now looked after the place after Malcolm and Leandra retired and downsized. Hawke had decorated the house with a giant display of flashing lights and bright colors.
”Is that a dragon made of electric lights?” Anders asked, staring at the bright red monstrosity that clung to Hawke’s chimney. Fenris sighed and tugged Anders up the steps to the front door.
”It is Hawke.” Fenris said, adopting the same tone that a bored child would use when reciting a boring fact. “I am surprised it is not two dragons.”
Fenris had a good point, Anders thought as he gazed up at the winged creature that had its head thrown back in a silent, mighty roar. Hawke would have put up two dragons if they could. They probably tried to figure out how to make the dragon spit out real flames. Hawke was mad enough to try. Anders stopped craning his neck back to stare at the dragon just in time to ring the doorbell. A moment later the door swung open and a tiny woman with short dark hair who was swimming in a giant blue sweater with a golden tinsel star woven in the center. Her scarf was also made of tinsel. All of it was tinsel. Anders suspected she just bought tinsel tree trimming and knitted her scarf out of that.
”Aneth ara, Fenris, Anders!” Merrill greeted the two men as they entered the foyer. “Hawke is in the kitchen, checking on the mulled wine! I will take your coats and put them upstairs!”
”No need, Merrill. I will put them up.” Anders offered as he shrugged out of his coat and took Fenris’s coat and scarf. “But if you could show Fenris where to put the White Druffalo gifts, we’d appreciate that!”
”Of course! If you’ll follow me, Fenris!” Merrill said with her customary bounce. “And your sweater is lovely, Fenris! Such a beautiful halla!”
”Thank you, Merrill.” Fenris said, his voice and Merrill’s growing fainter as Anders walked upstairs and disappeared into the guest bedroom. Hawke’s wild decorating even extended upstairs, where someone strung up multicolored lights around the doorways and shoved a fake tree in the corner. Anders dumped the coats on the bed next to the other coats on the bed. He hurried down the stairs and went into Hawke’s living room, where Rogue, Hawke’s mabari, lingered at the feet of Hawke’s many friends in hopes he would snatch up a dropped morsel of food. Hawke shoved a mug of hot chocolate into Anders’s hands. Hawke’s sweater was a giant dragon wearing a giant Satinalia crown of pine boughs and electric lights. The lights blinked on and off in an array of brilliant colors. When Anders sipped the hot cocoa there was a bite of whiskey lingering under the creamy chocolate. Hawke grinned and clapped his back hard.
”Thought I’d sneak you a drink, your man said you’re the driver tonight.” Hawke teased before leaving to speak with the other guests, and Anders rolled his eyes. He was hardly a lightweight, but Fenris worried. Anders promised that he would keep to this one drink and eat plenty of food. It would ease Fenris’s mind.
Where was Fenris anyways? Anders saw that Varric (wearing a low cut V-neck sweater in a zig zag rainbow of colors) and Hawke were chatting together by the fire, and Hawke’s younger brother Carver (in a bright blue sweater covered in gryphons) was trying to flirt with Merrill, who was sipping on a glass of mulled wine and earnestly talking to Bethany (in a wool sweater with a bunny wearing Andraste’s starburst crown). Aveline and Donnic, wearing matching red sweaters with a family of bears wearing Satinalia wreaths, carried food from the kitchen to the dining room table. Anders finally spied that familiar, beloved shock of white hair standing next to the table Hawke set up as a bar.
Fenris stood between Isabela and Sebastian with a mug of wine in hand. Sebastian’s sweater was covered in glittering felt snowflakes, and Isabela’s was a particularly lewd image of Andraste’s bare breasts superimposed over Isabela’s own generous bosom. Sebastian was carefully staring into Isabela’s eyes, and his gaze did not drift lower than her chin.
”Anders!” Isabela called out once she spotted Anders. “Come over here!”
”Isabela, how good to see you!” Anders said cheerfully. “Your sweater is lovely.”
”I’ll let you borrow it sometime.” Isabela joked, wrapping her slender, muscled arm around Anders’s waist. “But we have so much to talk about!” She grinned and lowered her voice to a whisper, her eyes fixed on the silver ring on Anders’s hand.
”Fenris absolutely refuses to tell us how you two proposed to each other, and we’re dying to know.” Isabela cooed. “How many cavities will we get?”
”If Fenris hasn’t told then I won’t breathe a word.” Anders teased. “I happen to love my fiancé and won’t betray his confidence.”
Anders loved Fenris’s rushed proposal in their hallway. He wouldn’t trade it for the world. Fenris just stared up at him with those big, misty green eyes as if he was gazing upon something holy before he blurted out the words “Marry me” and fumbled with a ring. It was clumsy, sweet, earnest, and exactly like Fenris. It was better than anything Anders could have come up with. Fenris was endearing and romantic at the strangest moments. He was honest and loyal and full of love, and his proposal was exactly why Anders loved him. But Fenris was still embarrassed that he hadn’t made a grand romantic gesture. Anders would not make Fenris feel more insecure by having their friends tease him over the delivery of his proposal.
”Pssh, you’re no fun.” Isabela muttered. “How much alcohol do I have to put in your system before you give the information up?”
”Designated driver tonight, Isabela.” Anders said cheekily. “Fenris and I drew lots.”
“And Fenris will pass out before wine loosens his tongue.” Sebastian chuckled. “So it will remain a secret!”
“No fun.” Isabela pouted before tossing her glass back. “Time to bother Aveline and ask if her turning down that ale means there’s another red-headed bun in the oven.” She flounced off, and Sebastian shook his head before turning to Anders and Fenris and smiling warmly at them.
”I am pleased you found each other.” He said fondly. “I know you do not hold with the Chantry, but if you ever need my help, I am here. Even if all you need is a signature on a license.”
Anders didn’t hold with the Chantry. He hated the way the Chantry interfered with his life, with the lives of all mages, but Sebastian meant well. He also helped Fenris with everything from adopting Victoria to finding his footing in Kirkwall to being a friend. So Anders smiled and shook Sebastian’s hand.
”We may need help performing a handfasting.” Fenris told Sebastian. “We can discuss it at another time.”
”Yes. I should make sure Aveline doesn’t strangle Isabela with that strand of lights.” Sebastian said, dismissing himself to rein in Isabela. Anders joined Fenris and took his hand.
”You seem happy.” Anders commented. He ran his thumb along Fenris’s ring, and the feeling of the silver band against the pad of his thumb sent thrills up his arm. His fiancé. His fiancé, who was so handsome and charming and sweet. Fenris laughed and kissed Anders’s cheek, his mouth soft against Anders’s scruff.
”You saved me from an interrogation.” Fenris replied. “I am very happy.”
”You two just get more disgustingly sappy every time I see you.” Varric said jovially as he came around the drink table and poured himself a liberal amount of rum into his glass. He lifted his glass to Anders and Fenris before downing it.
”It’s good fodder for sappy romance novels, I’m thinking that surly bartender in the Inspector Donnic stories might just find love with a charmingly mysterious man of the night in my next novel.” Varric teased, and Fenris rolled his eyes while Anders bristled in pretend indignation.
”Why am I the prostitute in the story?” He complained. “Can’t I be a doctor or a rich philanthropist or something?”
”You can inherit some money.” Varric consoled Anders. “And I never said you were a prostitute, just that you’re mysterious.” He chuckled and left them then, and Anders pretended to pout until Fenris kissed his dramatic frowns away.
”I will speak with him.” Fenris promised. “Perhaps he can elevate your status to an escort service?”
”You are terrible!” Anders laughed, but he played with the idea in his head. Him, an escort? Varric’s popular pulp detective story was dramatic and ridiculous, full of heaving bosoms and tense shootouts in dark alleyways. And Detective Donnic always sought information from a particularly glum elven bartender named Ferris, with flashing bright eyes and tattoos that wound around his limbs like silver ivy. Wouldn’t a pretty man draped in fancy furs and slinky silks liven up the bartender’s life? Anders thought so. He could already see the stories Varric would spill from his fingers, and he knew he’d be shelling out money to get the newest novel.
”You love it. I can tell.” Fenris teased. Anders laughed, and turned his attention to Hawke, who stood on a stool and called for attention.
”We’ll be exchanging the White Druffalo gifts now! Just grab a gift from the table. Don’t grab your own.” There was a mad dash for gifts, and then everyone started unwrapping gifts.
Fenris and Anders’s cookie jars were picked up by Carver and Isabela. Isabela seemed pleased, while Carver looked mystified.
”Looks like you’ll have to use your oven now!” Hawke joked, and Carver elbowed his older sibling in the stomach and muttered something under his breath.
Merrill got a pretty pair of dangling earrings from Bethany, and Bethany got a pair of orange mittens from Aveline. Aveline got a carved figurine of a mabari from Carver. Donnic got a scarf from Sebastian, and Sebastian picked out Isabela’s gift and refused to share it with the group. He shoved the bag under his chair, and Isabela gave him a wink while Sebastian’s face flushed bright red. Varric got a collection of scented candles from Merrill. Fenris received a bottle of wine from Isabela, and Anders got a pair of gloves from Donnic. Both were appreciated. Hawke refused to participate on the grounds that they were hosting, but everyone knew it was because Hawke was terrible at giving gifts.
Then they sat around the fireplace and swapped stories. Isabela shared some Rivaini traditions, mostly the different dances she learned as a child. Varric talked about growing up in a dwarven household when he didn’t feel connected to living underground in a thaig. The Hawke family swapped family tales, and Sebastian shyly talked about his grandfather and how they went for walks in the woods every Satinalia eve. Merrill spoke of growing up with her clan and how they celebrated the Homecoming Festival, and Fenris commented on the differences between her traditions and the way his family celebrated in Minrathous. Anders spoke of the Anderfels, and the traditions on the farming commune he lived in. They placed shoes at the end of the bed and expected candies from spirits of compassion, and then when he was in his Chantry sponsored foster homes he was banned from such practices. Superstition and foolishness, he was told, but Anders held those traditions dear. He was glad to share them with his children now, even if it was silly and Nick was growing too old for such games.
As they drove back home Fenris held Anders’s hand.
”Ghilan’nain loved Andruil.” Fenris said suddenly when they reached a stop sign. Anders glanced over at his fiancé, taking special note of the way the street lights outlined his strong profile and aquiline nose. “She wanted vengeance against those who hurt her, but I think most of all she wanted Andruil by her side.”
”Andruil was with Ghilan’nain, though, wasn’t she? She turned Ghilan’nain into a halla.” Anders asked slowly. Fenris seemed rather drunk, and he wondered how much wine he drank before cutting himself off for the night. Fenris rarely looked so soft and open unless he was dancing. But here he was, staring out the window with a half smile on his face. Beautiful.
”A miracle.” Fenris agreed. “She ended her suffering the only way she knew how. She brought her lover peace” Fenris turned to Anders then, and Anders was thankful that no one else was on the road because they would have to just go around them. Fenris did not just seem soft and open. He was vulnerable, as if a gust of wind could blow him away into a pile of ash and dust.
”Some days I feel like Ghilan’nain. I want to hurt the world for what it did to me.” Fenris confessed. “Those days are hard, but you… you are like Andruil. You fight the world to make it better. You help me be strong. You’re a miracle. You brought me home.”
And what were you supposed to say to that? How did you respond when the man you loved called you a miracle? Anders had no idea.
”Maker.” Anders managed to croak out. “Are you trying to get me to drop my smalls?”
Fenris laughed and squeezed Anders’s hand in his own.
“No. But that is not unwelcome.” Fenris finally said. “We’ll make sure the children are asleep before we try.”
They drove down the silent streets, following the many lights that led to home.