Chapter Text
Scene 14
There’s a big crowd in the flower shop. Mr Mushnik puts on a coat as the phone rings.
The intermission music transitions into another song.
Mr Mushnik
Miss Piggy, could you get the phone? I’m headed to an interview. *Beat* MISS PIGGY?!
Miss Piggy walks out of the backroom, obviously finished crying.
Miss Piggy
Sorry Mr Mushnik.
She picks up the phone.
Mushnik and Frog-
She pulls the phone away from her face, noticing someone on the other line. She will often fuss with the phone.
A quick beat plays as the song starts.
-can you hold please?
Kermit
Thanks, come again!
Miss Piggy
Mushnik and frog, can you hold please? Kermy - can you help moi with these phones? Skid row’s favorite florist, can you hold please?
Kermit walks over to a second phone on the other side of the doorframe further from the counter.
Kermit also fusses with the phone.
Kermit
Murshink and Frog’s, Skid row’s favorite florist, can you hold please?
Miss Piggy
As you were saying,
*Signing* Flowers for a prom corsage?
Kermit, singing
Flowers for an entourage?
Miss Piggy
Flowers to the funeral home?
Kermit, to Miss Piggy
Headed to St. Andrew's Roman Catholic Church at Ninth and Vine?
Miss Piggy
Forty dollars, hold the line.
They swap phones, now facing away from each other.
Kermit
First thing in the morning,
Miss Piggy
Fine.
Kermit
They’ll be there in the morning!
Miss Piggy
Can you hold?
Miss Piggy holds her hand to the phone and turns to Kermit.
The Rose Bowl? Kermy, the Rose Bowl!
You know the big inflated estimate we wrote?
For the Rose Bowl? Well it’s the Rose Bowl!
It seems they want to buy the flowers here,
For EVERY, SINGLE float.
Well you can’t keep the customers waiting!
Kermit turns to the counter to people waiting to be checked out.
Kermit
Musnik and Frog
Miss Piggy
Can you hold?
Kermit
Please hold.
Miss Piggy
Can you hold?
Kermit
It’s just as the plant foretold.
Miss Piggy
Just a minute-
Kermit
It’s business like who’d ever guessed!
Miss Piggy
Mushnik and Frog~
Kermit
That was me,
The camera shifts to focus on Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy
Please wait.
Kermit
That was me!
Miss Piggy
The business is doing great,
Kermit
On channel three!
Miss Piggy
So why am I feeling so depressed?
The camera focuses back on both of them.
Kermit
I get two tickets to the game?!
Mushnik and Frog, skid row’s favorite florists!
Miss Piggy
Seven thousand boutonnieres!
Carnations or the yellow roses?
Kermit
Please! I only have two ears.
Allergic to chrysanthemums?
Miss Piggy
Hollyhawks are hardier, which ones would your wife prefer?
Kermit, to someone at the counter
Were you waiting long? One minute and I’ll get her for you!
Miss Piggy
Kermy, that reporter-
Kermit
Her? I thought we finished yesterday?
Miss Piggy
Well, she wants another interview,
Says to bring the plant with you.
Kermit, pointing to the counter
Miss Piggy, it's that new account.
They swap places, Miss Piggy at the counter and Kermit focusing on the phones.
Miss Piggy
Sorry, that’s the right amount.
Kermit
Daisies only come in white.
Miss Piggy
Sir, I’m too worn out to fight.
Kermit
Sorry, those are out of stock.
Miss Piggy
Kermy look, it’s six o’clock!
Kermit
Call back in the morning, will you?
Miss Piggy
Call back in the morning, won't you?
Kemit
Call back in the morning, can you?
Miss Piggy
Call back in the morning, thank you?
Kermit and Miss Piggy
Call back in the morningggg~!
They rush the last people into the street as Mr Mushnik walks back in.
Mr Mushnik
Busy day!
Miss Piggy quickly shuffles on her coat and shuffles out the door.
Kermit
Yea, Miss Piggy is very overwhelmed by it all.
Mr Mushnik
Can you go check up on her? Don’t want her feeling worse tomorrow.
Kermit
Yea
Scene 15
Kermit runs after Miss Piggy and into the brisk sunset air. Finding the Alien Gonzos at the edge of the park.
Kermit
Have you seen Miss Piggy?
Crystal
Yea, she’s right over there.
Miss Piggy is sitting on a bench in the middle of the park.
Kermit
Thanks-
Ronnette, shouting
You’re welcome!
Kermit slows down to a walk when he reaches Miss Piggy.
Kermit
Miss Piggy, what’s wrong?
Miss Piggy
It just hurts, Kermy…
Kermit slowly sits down next to Miss Piggy.
Kermit
Well what about it hurts? A lot has happened in the past couple months.
Miss Piggy
He’s just missing but… Remember when Jim Henson passed? And you were just different afterwards, not the same?
Kermit
Well, Jim was a very dear friend to all of us. I definitely didn’t have the same relationship with Dr Teeth as you did. *Beat* Miss Piggy, you guys didn't seem to have the best relationship to begin with.
Miss Piggy
It wasn’t love, Kermy. It was just plain fun.
Kermy
Oh Miss Piggy…
Music starts.
Lift up your head, wipe off your mascara
Here take my kleenex, wipe that lipstick away
Show me your face, clean as the morning
I know things were bad, but now they’re okay
He quickly stands up.
Suddenly Kermit, is standing beside you
Don’t need no makeup, don't have to preteeend~
Suddenly Kermit,
Is here to provide you,
Sweet understanding
Kermit’s your friend
Miss Piggy
Nobody ever, treated moi kindly
You left early and I wasn’t going home
I’d meet a man and I'd follow him blindly
He’d snap his fingers,
Moi,
I’d say sure
Sundely Kermy, is standing beside me
He don’t give me orders, he don’t condeseeeeend~
Suddenly Kermy, is here to provide me
Sweet understanding,
Kermit grabs Miss Piggy’s hands and drags her to stand next to him.
Kermy’s my friend~
Kermit
Tell me this feeling will last ‘till forever
Tell me the bad times are clean washed away~
Miss Piggy
Please understand that it’s still strange and frightening
For losers like I’ve been it’s so hard to saaay~
Visions of the Alien Gonzos begin dancing around them.
Suddenly Kermy
Kermit, Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
Suddenly Kermit
Miss Piggy
He purified moi~
Kermit, Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
He purified you~
Miss Piggy
Suddenly Kermy
Kermit, Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
Suddenly Kermit
Miss Piggy
Show me I caaaaaaaan!
Kermit, Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
Yes, you can~!
Miss Piggy
Learn how to~
Miss Piggy and Kermit
Be more~
Miss Piggy, Kermit, Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
The girl that’s inside you (moi)
Kermit
With sweet understanding
Miss Piggy
With sweet understanding
Kermit
With sweet understanding
Miss Piggy
With sweet understanding
Miss Piggy and Kermit
With sweet understaaanding~
Miss Piggy, Kermit, Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
Kermit’s(y’s) you(my)~
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnn~!
Miss Piggy and Kermit embrace as the music fades.
The visions of the Alien Gonzos disappear.
Kermit
Come to the big game next weekend with me. Something good to look forward to.
Miss Piggy
Sniffle Yea, I-I’ll go with you.
Kermit
I gotta get back to the shop, you get home safe.
Miss Piggy
Ok, goodnight Kermy.
Kermit
Goodnight Miss Piggy.
They part ways, Kermit heading back the way he came, Miss Piggy heading in a similar direction.
Kermit passes the Alien gonzos.
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron, humming
It’s suppertime~
It’s suppertime~
Scene 16
Kermit walks into the shop through the front door while Mr Mushnik walks in with the watering can from the backroom.
Mr Mushnik
Oh good, your back. Mind getting the trash while I water the plants?
Kermit
Uh- Mind If I water the plants instead? You know I keep my formula for Twoey a secret, ha-ha.
Mr Mushnik
Sure, let your ol’ boss take out the heavy trash.
Kermit
Mr Mushnik?
Mr Mushnik
Get the cash from the drawer as well then.
Mr Mushnik hands Kermit the watering can and heads into the backroom as Kermit starts watering the plants.
The Alien Gonzos slowly rise in the window.
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron, humming
Suppertime~
Mr Mushnik comes back from the backroom with a giant trash bag and starts dumping trash into it.
Mr Mushnik
How’s Miss Piggy?
Kermit
I think she’s doing better after our talk. We’re going on a date next weekend. Sigh
Mr Mushnik
The biggest “will they, won't they” in media is going on a date.
Kermit
Don’t kid, sir.
Mr Mushnik
Don’t be modest.-
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
It’s suppertime~
Mr Mushnik
I’m gonna head out back, get this trash out.
Kermit
I’ll feed Piggy II.
Mr Mushnik heads into the street and towards an alley. Kermit heads into the backroom and returns with a gross trash bag.
The perspective flips between Kermit and Mr Mushnik.
Kermit
You’ve been greedy the past couple days-
Mr Mushnik opens the top of a dumpster.
I only have one foot left.
Mr Mushnik halls the trash bag into the bin.
Kermit reaches into the bag
Mr Mushnik looks inside the dumpster.
Kermit pulls out a chunk, about a cubic foot in size, of Dr Teeth’s body out of the bag.
Mr Mushnik
Dear god-.
Mr Mushnik reaches into the bin.
Kermit
You better make this last.
Mr Mushnik pulls out Dr Teeth’s dentist’s uniform and hat.
Kermit throws the chunk into Piggy II’s mouth.
Mr Mushnik speed walks back into the shop.
Music starts.
Mr Mushnik
If you want something removed in a hurry, it’s best not to dispose of it on Skid Row.
Kermit
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Mr Mushnik holds up the clothing.
Mr Mushnik
This! A dentist’s uniform! A stupid hat!
Piggy II, singing to kermit
He’s got your number now~
Mr Mushnik
I saw them out back, in the dumpster.
Piggy II
He knows what you’ve done.
Mr Mushnik starts slowly walking towards Kermit, menacingly.
Mr Mushnik
The little red dots were innocent enough.
Piggy II
You’ve got no place to hide~!
Mr Mushnik
And now you’re kissing the dentist’s girlfriend?
Piggy II
You’ve got no place to ruuun!
Mr Mushnik
And it begins to look like a motive.
Piggy II
He knows your life of crime,
Mr Mushnik
And once he’s out of the way, you move right in.
Piggy II
I think it's suppertime~
Kermit
I’m innocent! I’m innocent!
Mr Mushnik
Then come with me to the police and tell them that.
Mr Mushnik now talks with his hands, reaching out to emphasize the point.
Piggy II
He’s got his facts all straight.
Mr Mushnik
Just so my conscience will rest easy.
Piggy II
You know he’s on your trail~
Mr Mushnik
If you don’t, I’ll have to tell them myself.
Piggy II
He’s gonna turn you in~!
Mr Mushnik
Now will you come with me?
Piggy II
They’re gonna put you in jaaail!
Kermit
Okay…
Piggy II
He’s USDA priiiimee~
Before my suppertime.
Mr Mushnik
I’ll go lock up, then we’ll head over.
Mr Mushnik opens the door to fuss with it, unknowingly letting the Alien Gonzos inside while Piggy II sings.
Piggy II
Come on, come on
Think about all these offers.
Come on, come on
You’re future with Miss Piggy!
Come on, come on
Ain't no time to get squeamish!
Come on, come on
I swear on all my spores,
When he's gone, the world will be yoours~
Mr Mushnik
Ok Kermit, let's go.
Kermit
Uh, don’t you want to pick up the receipts so you can deposit them in the morning?
Mr Mushnik
You put them in the safe didn’t you?
Kermit
Uh, no…
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
Come on, come on.
Mr Mushnik
Why not?
Kermit
I forgot the combination…
Mr Mushnik
That’s thousands of dollars! Where is it?
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
Come on, come on.
Kermit
In the plant.
Mr Mushnik
In the plant?
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
Come on, come on.
Kermit
I thought it was the safest place,
No thief would look there, right?
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
It’s suppertime~
Mr Mushnik
The money’s inside the plant,
How am I supposed to get it?
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
Aw, suppertime~
Kermit
Just knock.
Mr Mushnik
Knock?
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
Suppertime~
Mr Mushnik knocks on Piggy II and one of Piggy II’s vines latches on and slowly pulls him inside.
Mr Mushnik
Kermit?
Kermit!
KERMIT?!
KERMIT!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH
The camera focuses on Kermit’s mortified face.
Piggy II
Chomp,
Mr Mushnik
AHHHHHHH!!!
Piggy II
Chomp,
Mr Mushnik
AHHHHHHH!!!
Piggy II
Chomp!
Mr Mushnik
AHHHHHHHhhh…
The camera shifts back to Piggy II as he licks his lips satisfied.
Kermit walks up with a rag and starts cleaning.
Scene 17
Miss Piggy unlocks the front door to the shop to find Kermit slumped in the backroom working the books.
Miss Piggy
Oh, Kermy!
She picks Kermit off the table and readjust him in the chair.
What happened? You look terrible!
Kermit
Uh-um, Mush- I- Twoey…
Miss Piggy
Mr Mushnik? Piggy II? Where’s Mr Mushnik? I haven’t seen him in a while.
Kermit
Um… His.. His sister fell ill and he had to leave unexpectedly!
Kermit the frog makes the iconic kermit the frog scrunched face.
Miss Piggy
Oh that's no good… That must be terrible for him to leave the shop so suddenly, I know he’s like a father to you. It is only a Wednesday, moi will run the shop while you take a break. It’s been a while since you've taken a day off, non?
Kermit
Exhale… Thanks, Miss Piggy.
She leaves Kermit alone in the backroom.
Instead of being alone, he is interrupted by the Alien Gonzos.
Music starts.
Chiffon
There he is, girls! I found him, there’s Kermit!
The Alien gonzos coo at him as the playful music plays.
Crystal
Kermit, can we have your autograph?
Ronnette
We saw you on the channel 5 news!
Crystal
You looked so handsome.
Chiffon
And you’re going to be so rich!
Chiffon and Crystal reach for Kermit’s chair and turns it around.
Kermit
Please girls, not now.
Crystal
Is it true Piggy II is the grand marshall for the Rose Bowl?
Chiffon
Is it true the shop is decorating the senior prom?
Kermit
Yes it’s all true, now please-
He tries to turn back around but is stopped by the Gonzos next to him.
Chiffon walks back into the backroom and stands by the entrance.
Chiffon
There's another hotshot looking for you, Kermit. From Uptown! He’s been asking all over, where can he find you? You’re famous, Kermit!
The music shifts as a muppet in a suit walks in, distorted to look like Dr Teeth.
Mr “Bernstein”
Is this him?
Chiffon
That’s him, Mr Bernstein.
The Alien Gonzos seem to disappear and it's only Mr Bernstein in the backroom.
Mr “Bernstein”
Thank you girls. Kermit The Frog, sweetie, honey, “the one who came back.”
Kermit
Do I know you?
Mr “Bernstein”
Of course not, but are you gonna be happy when you do! Kermit, sweetheart, dollface, bubbelah.
*Singing* Hey, Kermit the frog, you prince, you.
My name is Bernstein,
I’m with Disney!
I’ve down her to convince you,
To do a weekly TV show for me. Ha haha!
“Kermit the frog’s gardening tips”
You like it? I love it.
For half an hour, Sunday’s at 4.
TV show’s first muppet gardening program~
You’ll make a mint and our rating will soar!
The Alien Gonzos fade back into existence and Mr Bernstein quietly exits.
The music shifts back to playful.
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron, singing
They say the meek shall inherit,
You know that the book doesn't lie.
It’s not a question of merit,
It’s not demand and supply!
They say the meek gonna get it,
And you a meek little guy.
You know the meek gonna get.
What's coming to ‘em,
By and by~
Ronnette
Your own TV show, Kermit!
Chiffon
Coast to coast!
Ronnette
Your name in lights!
Chiffon
Your face on screens!
They turn Kermit's chair around to show a contract on the desk.
Ronnette
Sign it-
Chiffon
Sign it-
Chiffon and Ronnette
Sign that contract!
Ronnette
Isn’t it exciting?
Crystal
Here he is, Mrs Luce! We found him, he’s right here!
Crystal brings in another muppet, sleek in designer clothing but face distorted to look like Dr Teeth again.
Kermit
Look, girls, I don’t want to see anybody else today.
It’s only the mysterious muppet and Kermit again while the music changes.
Mrs “Luce”
Oh my darling, my precious! My sweet, sweet thing. So delighted to make your acquaintance! Cutie, sweetness, Kermit, babydoll~
*singing* I’d like a word with you, lover~
I’m sure you know me, the editor’s wife!
We want you on the cover,
Of the December edition of Life!
Yes, the front of Life magaziiiine~
Now that’s an offer we so seldom grant! Rrrr~
We’ll send someone down, let's say next Thursdaay?
For shots of you and your beautiful plant!
The music shifts as the Alien Gonzos reappear and Mrs Luce disappears.
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron, singing
They say the meek shall inherit,
You know that the book doesn't lie~
It’s not a question of merit,
It’s not demand and supply!
They say the meek gonna get it,
And you a meek little guy~
You know the meek gonna get.
What's coming to ‘em,
By and by~
Crystal, spoken
Life magazine! Oh my goodness, Kermit, you’re headed straight to the top!
Chiffon, knowingly
How did you do it?
Ronnette
Here he is, sir! The incredible Kermit The Frog, owner of the fabulous Piggy II: America’s most amazing, and largest unidentified plant!
A human man (voice of Dr Teeth) walks in, not distorted to look like anyone but voice still reminiscent of Dr Teeth.
The music shifts once again.
“Skip-Snip”
Oooohh, so this is Kermit the Frag. We’ve been trying to reach you, baby. Boy, have your lines been busy! Did you get our telegram?
Kermit
I don’t think so?
“Skip-Snip”
Well it’s good that I came down in person, then. Pleased to meet you kid. Skip-Snip, ha? William Morris agency?
*singing* Forget the cable we sent you.
Nice to meet you, the pleasure is yours.
Now let my firm represent yoou~
We’d like to book you on lecturing tours! Oh hohho.
College campus, rotary cluuuuuub.
The kind of things my office CAN DOOO~
Show me the plant, then talk, answer questiooons~
It’s educational, lucrative too…
The music turns to an ethereal beat.
Kermit the frog stands up from his chair and the world freezes.
Kermit
My future's starting,
I’ve got to let it.
Stick with that plant,
And gee.
My bank account will thrive~!
What am I saying?
No way, forget it!
It’s much too dangerous to keep that plant alive~!
I take these offers,
That means more killing…
Who knew success would come with messy, nasty strings~
I sign these contracts,
That means I’m willing,
To keep doing bloody, awful, evil thiiings~
No!
NO!
There’s only so far you can bend!
No!
No.
This nightmare must come to an end~
No!
nO!
You’ve got no alternative.
Kermit, old boy,
Though it means you’ll be broke again and unemployed,
It’s the only solution, you cannot avoid it,
The vegetable must be destroooyed~
Kermit looks out the doorway and into the shop, seeing Miss Piggy very happy interacting with the customers.
The music softens.
But, then,
There’s Piggy.
Loveley, Miss Piggy~
If life was tardy and impoverished as before,
She might not like me.
She might not waaaant mee~
Without my plant.
She might not love me anymoooore~
Time unfreezes.
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron, singing
They say the meek shall inherit,
Kermit
Where do I sign?
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
You know that the book doesn't lie.
Skip-Snip
Right on the liiine~
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
It’s not a question of merit,
Skip-Snip
That’ll do fiiiine~
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
It’s not demand and supply!
Skip-Snip
This copy’s miiiine~
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
You’ll make a fortune, we swear it!
Skip-Snip
Couldn't go wrooong!
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
If on this fact, you rely~
Skip-Snip
Bye-bye, so long~
The camera focuses on Skip-Snip leaving the store.
“Skip-Snip,” Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
You know the meek gonna get.
What's coming to ‘em,
You know the meek gonna get
What's coming to ‘em,
The camera focuses on Kermit again.
Kermit, “Skip-Snip,” Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
You know the meek gonna get.
What's coming to ‘em,
Byyyyy,
Annddd,
Byyyyyyyyyyy!
The music ends.
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
By Kermit!
Chiffon
Congratulations on the business deal~
The Alien Gonzos leave and Kermit leaves the backroom.
Miss Piggy
Oh, Kermy! Are you feeling better?
Kermit
Yea, I’ll help around the floor…
The day passes on.
Scene 18
Kermit locks the door and heads upstairs.
Piggy II
I’m wilting here, Frog!
Kermit
You’ll have to wait, you ate a whole person last week!
Piggy II
But, uh-
Kermit
No “buts!”
Kermit leaves through the backroom.
Piggy II, whispering
I’ll show you “no buts”...
Piggy II shakes and releases pollen into the air.
A little bit later, Miss Piggy walks up to the front of the shop in her pajamas.
Music starts.
Miss Piggy, singing
I couldn’t sleeep~
I took a sominex,
But voices in my head kept saying:
Go to Kermy, talk to Kermy.
She unlocks the front door and heads inside.
I drank some tea,
But, gee, the feeling wasn't goone~
Kermy, sweetheart,
Tell moi, darling,
What’s been going ooon~?
Piggy II, singing
Hey, little lady, hello~
Miss Piggy, spoken
Who- Who said that?
Piggy II
You’re lookin’ cute, as can beee~
Miss Piggy
Is somebody else there?
Piggy II
You’re lookin’ mighty sweet~
Miss Piggy
Kermy, Kermy?
Piggy II
No it ain’t Kermit.
It’s me!
Miss Piggy
Oh my God!
Piggy II
It’s your friendly, Piggy twoo~
This plant is talking to you.
Miss Piggy
I don’t believe it!
Piggy II, spoken
Believe it baby, it talks.
Miss Piggy
Am I dreaming this?
Piggy II
No, and you ain’t in Kansas neither.
Miss Piggy
Something’s very wrong here.
Piggy II
Relax, go with it, doll! Do me a favor, will you sweetheart?
Miss Piggy
A favor?
Piggy II
I need some water, in the worst way. Look at my branches. I’m a goner, honey!
*Singing* Come on and give me a drink~
Miss Piggy
I don’t know if I should!
Piggy II
Hey, little lady be nice~
Miss Piggy
You just want water right?
Piggy II
Sure do, I’ll drink it straight~
Miss Piggy
Your branches are dry, poor thing…
Piggy II
Don’t need no glass or no ice.
Miss Piggy
I’ll get the can!
Piggy II
Don’t need no twist of lime~
Miss Piggy
Here you go~!
Piggy II, spoken
AND NOW IT”S SUPPER TIME!
Miss Piggy
AHHHHHH!
Piggy II
Relax, sweetheart, it’ll be easier. Come on, join your dentist friend, and Mr Mushnik, they’re right inside!
Miss Piggy
HEeLP!
Kermit runs in from hearing the commotion in the upstairs apartment to find Piggy II trying to eat Miss Piggy.
Kermit, shouting
Miss Piggy, NO! Get off her! Get off her!
Kermit pulls Miss Piggy away from Piggy II, she is injured badly.
The music shifts.
Ah, don’t die Miss Piggy, I need you! Please, please, don’t die…
Miss Piggy
The plant… just said the strangest thing just now. It said that Dr Teeth and Mr Mushnik were already inside…
Kermit
It’s true, I did it, I fed them to it!
Miss Piggy
Is that what made it so big and strong? And you so famous?
Kermit
I’ve done terrible things, but not to you. Never to you.
Miss Piggy
But I want you to, Kermy.
Kermit, silently
What?
Miss Piggy
When I die, which should be very shortly, I want you to give moi to the plant, so that it can live to bring you all the wonderful things you deserve.
Kermit
You don’t know what you’re saying-
Miss Piggy
But I do! *Beat* It’s the one gift I can give you… And… If I’m in the plant, then I’m part of the plant. And so, in a way, we’ll always be together…
*singing* You’ll wash my tender leaves,
You’ll smell my cheap perfume~
You’ll water mee and care for mee,
You’ll see me bud and bloom~
I’m feeling strangely happy now,
Contented and sureeen~
Oh, don't you seeeee,
Finally I’ll beeee,
Somewhere that’s greeeeeeen~
The music intensifies as Miss Piggy goes limp.
Kermit cries silently into Miss Piggy, picks her up and comes at her.
The image of everyone Miss Piggy has ever met outside the shop, seen through the window.
Kermit slowly feeds Miss Piggy to the plant.
Everyone Miss Piggy has ever met, vocalizing
Ahhhhahhahhahhahhh~
Ahhhhahhahhahhahhh~
Ahhhhahhahhahhahhh~
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh~
Ahhh ahhh ahhh ah~
Ahhh ahhh ahhh ah~
Mmmmmmmm~
Kermit slumps against the plant rethinking everything.
The music fades.
Scene 19
Kermit wakes up from a fitful sleep. He goes through the movements of the morning in a daze.
He wakes up to the Alien Gonzos trying to grab his attention.
Chiffon
Kermit? Kermit? Kermit the frog~?
Kermit
Oh, sorry girls, what’s going on?
Crystal
That Uptowner is here again for you.
Kermit
“Skip-Snip?”
Crystal
Yea, him.
Kermit
Thanks, girls. I appreciate you helping while Miss Piggy’s sick.
Ronnette, knowingly
Yea, you’re welcome.
Kermit walks over from the counter to out front where Skip-Snip is standing.
Kermit
Hello Skip-Snip.
Skip-Snip
Ah, Kermit!
They shake hands.
Kermit
Is there anything else you need? I thought we signed all the documents yesterday?
Skip-Snip
I’m here for the plants we talked about yesterday!
Kermit
What plants? We can look at my stock because I never set anything aside-
Skip-Snip
Cuttings! Of Piggy II!
Kermit
Excuse me-
Skip-Snip, turning around
I’ve got a truck coming around soon with some pots. If you don’t mind, we’ll start taking cuttings when it arrives. Imagine, frog: Piggy IIs everywhere! Why, with the right advertising, it will be bigger than hula-hoops!
Kermit
Big-
Kermit runs inside and starts yelling at the plant.
Disturbing music plays.
Bigger than Hula-hoops?!
Piggy II
Much Bigger!
Kermit
Every household in America. Thousands of you, eating! That’s what you had in mind all along wasn’t it?!
Piggy II
No shit, Sherlock.
Kermit
We’re not just talking about one hungry plant, we’re talking about world conquest!
Piggy II
And I want to thank YOU!
Kermit
You’re a monster and so am I!
Piggy II
FEED ME!!
Kermit speed walks into the backroom.
Kermit
YOU ATE THE ONE THING I LOVED!
Piggy II
Too Bad.
Kermit speed walks from the backroom with chemicals and sharp gardening supplies, hurling them at Piggy II.
Music intensifies as he throws them.
Kermit
TAKE THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT, AND THAT, AND THAT, AND THAT!
Piggy II
HAHAHAHHAAAAAAA!! Give up, amphibian!
Kermit
NEVER! Here, RAT POISON! Eat it, eat it, eat it, EAT IT!!
Piggy II, spitting
Phe! Give up, small fry!
Kermit drops everything he didn’t throw, except a towel and fork.
Kermit
Maybe you’re tough on the outside, but in there, in that pod, I’ll hack you to bits! I’ll get you from the inside!
Kermit tries to pull Piggy II’s mouth open as Piggy II struggles to keep closed with muffled protests.
Now open up! Open up! Open up, NOW!
Kermit pries the mouth open and hops inside and the music cuts.
The plant eats him.
Piggy II
BURP!
Scene 20
Outside the shop, the truck pulls up and Skip-Snip opens the back to grab a tray of pots.
The Alien Gonzos sit on the bench watching the camera.
Music starts.
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron, singing
Subsequent to the event you have just witnessed.
Skip-Snip heads into the shop and start taking clippings and potting them.
Similar events in cities across America,
Events, which bore a striking resemblance,
To the ones you have just seen began occurring.
Chiffon
Ohhh, oh ohhhh.
The Alien Gonzos stand up and walk down the street with the Skip-Snip walking back and forth from the truck in the background.
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
Subsequent to the events you have just witnessed,
Unsuspecting jerks from Maine to California,
Made the patience of a new breed of Flytrap,
And got sweet talked into feeding it bloooood.
Thus the plants worked their terrible will,
Finding jerks who would feed them their fill!
And the plants proceeded to grow!
And grow!
And began what they came here to dooo,
Which was eventually too,
They arrive at the park where a big group of muppets are gathered.
Crystal
Eat Cleveland!
Ronnette
And Des Moines!
Chiffon
And Peoria!
Crystal, Ronnette, and Cheffron
And New York!
And this theater!
Small group #1
They may offer you fortune and fame,
Small group #2
Love and money and instant acclaim!
Small group #3
But whatever they offer you,
All muppets
Don’t feed the plants!
Fozzie
They may offer you lots of cheap thrills,
Rizzo
Fancy condos in Beverly Hills!
Sam the Eagle
But whatever they offer you,
Animal
Don’t feed the plants!
Muppets
Look out~,
Here comes Piggy II!
Look out~,
Voice of Piggy II
Here I come for you!
Dr Teeth
Here I come for you!
Mr Mushnik
Here I come for you!
Miss Piggy and Kermit
Here I come for you!
Muppets
Hold your hand out and hang onto your soul,
Somethings coming to eat the world whole!
If we fight it we might have the chance.
But whatever they offer you,
Though they're slopping the trough for you,
Please whatever they offer you,
Don't feed the plant!
Miss Piggy and Kermit
We’ll have tomorrow~
Piggy II
Hahhhhaaa haha ahhaaaaa has.
Muppets
Don’t,
Feed,
THE,
PLAAAAAANNNNNNNTTTTTTS!!!
End of Musical
Credits music
A little dental music - Alan Menken, Little shop of horrors 2003 Demo, performed by Kermit
The worse he treats me - Alan Menken, Little shop of horrors 2003 Demo, performed by Miss Piggy
I found a Hobby - Alan Menken, Little shop of horrors 2003 Demo, performed by Dr Teeth
Mean Green Mother from Outer space - Levi Stubbs, Little shop of horrors 1986 movie, performed by Piggy II
We’ll have tomorrow - Alan Menken, Little shop of horrors 2093 Demo, performed by Miss Piggy and Kermit
After credits scene
A collection of Audrey II cupcakes are set onto a potluck table on set by Y/N. A group of muppets run up and mess up the table, leaving few of everything left.
Kermit walks up.
Kermit
Sigh.
Y/N
Sorry, Kermit, I know you like my cupcakes after a shoot…
Kermit
It’s ok, Y/N. I bet they were really hungry. The last scene always takes the longest…
Y/N
I’ve noticed.
Miss Piggy walks up with a full plate of food.
Miss Piggy
Kermy, you have no food~, would you like to share with moi?
Kermit
Oh, Miss Piggy, no… I’ll just get some food on the way home…
All of the Electric Mayhem members, in their normal attire, walk up, they don't have food either.
Dr Teeth
Are we all going out to eat?
Floyed
I could get behind heading to Dennies.
Lips, barely paying attention
Dennies, yea…
Animal
DENNIES!
Electric Mayhem walks away, still talking about Dennies.
Kermit
They are way too excited about Dennies.
Miss Piggy
You could say that again.
Y/N
I wouldn’t be opposed to Dennies, honestly I just like all day breakfast places…
Miss Piggy and Kermit look at Y/N and walk away towards a table with coffee where Fozzie is trying to tell jokes to the actor for Mr Mushnik.