Chapter Text
Camp was… awful.
She loved it. Every single second of it. Even in the bad moments and stupid fights, she couldn’t stop the little voice in the back of her head thinking : ‘the girls are going to laugh so hard at this’. Every time a problem occurred Abby saw –not only a solution– but a stepping stone for her own glorious evolution. Problems became good news. She almost craved it. What the hell kind of problem can a ten year old kid get themselves into ? Turns out, an awful lot. And not missing any creativity.
“Yeah, I get it. But why would you do that ?”
“Because we had the rope.”
“Yeah but you knew it was going to end this way, so why did you still do it ?”
“Because… science… We’re here to learn, right ?”
“Okay… But what have you learned, then ?” Abby asks, patient as ever and trying to repress the scream (and laughter) to appear as calm and professional as she possibly could. Something about “pedagogy”.
“That David doesn’t like heights.” the kid answers, confident and looking up to said David, hanging by a thick branch of the tree and looking down, eyes tightly closed whispering something to himself.
“That’s not the lesson, kid. But anyways, I’ll get some help to have him brought down. Oh and you’ve lost rope privilege.”
“Rope isn’t a privilege!”
“Well it is, and you just lost it.” Abby prepares to turn and run to the cabin to explain the situation, but one more thought occurred to her : “Everything in life is a privilege. My bet is, once David’s down, he won’t want to be your friend anymore.”
That seemed to have hit the kid somewhere. He wasn’t wearing his little smirk anymore. He looked up and started pleading with his friend, telling him he was sorry and that they’d get him down. But Abby knows that David will always remember. No matter the time and better days, he’ll remember being here, hanging from a tree. Just like she never forgets either.
Then Camp was over and she promised her friends there they’ll stay in contact, that they’ll probably meet next year, etc. In the snap of a finger, she was back in her own room. In Wellsbury, where everything is perfect and nothing ever changes. Frozen forever in a state of perpetual suburban stage. Because it was a stage. Everything always is. And her room, this set, needed to update with her character.
She found Tris at the skatepark and surprised them with freshly baked brownies Nancy made for her. There were a few faces she didn’t recognize. Still no Marcus. Still in vacation probably. But Silver was there. Sitting on the edge, half listening to conversations. Abby got some hugs and cheek kiss from strangers following the flow, Tris lead :
“You’re back! Awesome–” they hug her tightly and Abby doesn’t care about Camp anymore. She wants to stay here and keep Tris to herself. This feels incredibly right. “You look like you’ve actually grown two inches! How was it ?”
“Ouch for the inches, first of all. And second, it was awesome. Like I remember when I was a kid I used to hate that kind of thing but goddamnit it was actually fun! Like I enjoyed it! Can you imagine ? Me, having fun, with kids ?!” Abby asks, sarcastic.
“Well yeah! I mean you sound like you enjoyed it.” Tris replies, a slight frown of confusion on their cute little face. And Abby understands they didn’t get the sarcastic part. A part of her wants to correct her sentence, go back and explain why it’s funny. Because she’s “Abby”. She’s moody and pessimistic and she hates people and she absolutely is repulsed by kids… But she doesn’t. It’s not the first time Tris doesn’t get some of her sarcastic jokes and Abby gave up trying to explain them.
Silver welcomes her with a little “Hey” and the interaction is over. Unexpectedly, Abigael wanted to know why the hell she had this long face and look in her eyes. It’s unexpected because Abigael doesn’t care about Silver. But… But Silver is Tris’ friend and she just made such efforts to become friends with strangers and enjoying them. The least she could do is ask if she’s okay. Because she cares. About Tris, that is. She cares about Marcus’ friend. She cares not for the ex-girlfriend though. If anything, she wishes it has nothing to do with Maxine.
“Hey.” she returns, hesitant on how to do this. She sits besides her, surprising the girl too while Tris goes back to skating with their friends for a little while –eating her brownie and making eye contact with her sometimes… it’s a little hot in here… no ? k, anyways. “So you’re awfully quiet for a theater girl. What’s up ? I missed something ? Dog died ? Sister’s new boyfriend is an ass ? Max being dramatic ?” Abigael tries to small talk. God this camp really changed her! Hopefully it doesn’t last.
Silver turns to her, like hit by the last sentence as if it was a train. She has some fear and confusion in her eyes that makes Abigael uncomfortable.
“What ? Why Max ?” Silver jumps on the defensive. “If she said something about me it’s like– I have a version okay ? I’m not just some asshole that purposefully helped their friend kill themselves!” her voice is almost on the verge of cracking in sobs.
“What ?! What the hell, who died ?! What– What’s going on ?”
“Max. Max is mad at me because I smuggled alcohol to Marcus when he was suspended… that’s why she broke up with me.” Silver explains, confused at Abby’s confusion. “She literally exploded at me and I’m surprised she didn’t kill Sophie on stage. But– But I didn’t know he had a problem, okay ?” as Silver continues ranting, trying to save a reputation Abigael had no idea was in danger, Abby’s confusion grows and turns into frustration. “I’m not a bad friend! I would never have done it if I knew and– I know, I know she was worried and blames me for never listening to her but how the heck was I supposed to know. You didn’t help him either and she’s not mad at you.”
What ?! What the absolute fuck is she talking about ?!
“Silver, slow down! What– What’s going on ? Why is Max mad at you ? Marcus– Marcus has a problem with what ?” she asks, going right back to camp having to ask specific questions for the kids to stop screaming and actually start explaining. Silver’s frown accentuates even more than Abby thought possible.
“Marcus. Marcus has a drinking problem. He’s in rehab now and it’s partially my fault. When he was suspended I used my sister’s ID to buy him alcohol because he asked me to and… and I just didn’t know he had a serious issue. So… when Max asked me at the play and I confessed she –exploded. Then Sophie kissed her and she exploded at us both, broke up with me and told Sophie to go to hell. She walked on stage like nothing happened and I never saw her again. I can’t reach her. I don’t want to show up at her door and–” Silver takes her head in her hands and sighs. “I just– I didn’t think– Yeah. I didn’t think.”
Marcus ? Drinking problem ? Rehab ?! Sophie kissing her at the play ? Breaking up, also at the play ? Can’t even reach her ?! No angry messages ?
“What the fuck ?!” Abby whispers to herself. The events from the night of the play come back to her. How devastated Max looked for half a second before breaking back into her usual smile. The performance is never over. Everything is a stage.
‘Is it because we didn’t hang out with you ?’ ‘No, but that wasn’t like good news.’ ‘Oh okay. Max! don’t be dramatic, again.’ ‘Thank you for coming.’
“Yeah…” Silver punctuates her thoughts. She smells like despair, like guilt and regret and anger. Abigael wants to press her for more. But beating her down would be too harsh on the girl her partner is very friends with. Speaking of Tris, here they come :
“You’ll have to share the recipe with me. This rocks!” they wink at her and Abby feels her worry about Marcus and Max fade in the background. But it remains there, in the background of her head. For the whole day. For the whole week of stirring the pot, changing things in her bedroom with Tris’ artistic talent guiding her towards some balance. But it never left her mind. And Tris felt it :
“Okay, what’s going on ? I know it’s not the poster’s placement. This is exactly where it needs to be, not an inch left or right. So what’s up in your mind ?” they ask with infinite patience and coordination. They waited long enough for Abby to open up by herself.
“I was just thinking about stuff…” don’t say it. Don’t say it. Just don’t– “Did you hear anything from Marcus ? I haven’t seen him since I got back.”
The question is innocent, right ? It doesn’t imply anything. And yet, once in the air, the words shook the entire structure of Abby’s house. Tris’ body stiffened instantly and they looked like they regret asking the first question that lead them here. But by some kind of devotion to honesty and maturity, they answered when it was clear they really didn’t want to.
“Yeah, no he’s not– He’s not here. His sister –Max– she told me he was at rehab for a problem… Asked me to keep a low profile.” oh no… I made them break a promise. A promise to Max, of all people. Wait, what ?
“You saw Max ?” Abby asks, some jealousy kicking in. She didn’t care about the poster. Didn’t care about the growth. Didn’t care about what she learned in camp about herself and life. Didn’t care about anything other than this old feeling sitting on her chest since she was ten. Max always stole every spotlight of every room. And if it’s the whole reason Abby fell in love with the girl in the first place, she’s hated that quality ever since. Because Max doesn’t just like the spotlight, she needs it. She literally steals it! And Tris… Tris is hers to keep!
Tris’ eyes have a flash and Abby can see they are thinking about something else. Max made them promise something and now they are full on lying to me. Good play Bitch, but I’ll get you. You don’t get to steal everything that’s mine! And Tris made their decision, keeping mouth shut, going back to the posters.
“Yeah some time ago.” that’s all. But that’s not all. You are lying to me. How dare you lie to me ? And this badly, too.
So Abby presses. Because this isn’t a childish situation. This isn’t Tris lying to protect themselves. They are adults in a relationship and Tris is protecting someone else. They’re not even lying, just keeping information away from Abby. And that’s somewhat worse than lying, because at least you know it’s not true. But this is Tris. Tris isn’t Press. They are smarter than that. Now Abby doesn’t even know what she doesn’t know. But knowing it has something to do with Max enrages her enough to raise her voice.
“Tris. When did you see Max ?” she repeats. Stern and determined to know how deep Tris’ sudden loyalty to Maxine can go. She’ll ruin her relationship over it if she has to. She’ll tear the best thing that’s ever happened to her in an instant. That’s how much she despises her ex-best friend. “Tris. I need to know okay. Maxine is my friend. Marcus is my friend too. Why are you hiding things from me ?” she asks, genuinely hurt and letting it be known instead of hiding it behind anger. She’s working on her communication skills, okay ?
Her efforts are rewarded. Tris breathes out, a long sigh very painful. Then, they turn to her and Abby can see it’s more serious than a kid hanging his friend in a tree. It’s Marcus they are talking about.
“Okay.” they sit down, breathing in before looking up at Abby “The first week you were gone I was working on some figures and…” no. The decision isn’t final. They are still debating. Maxine has a thing to ensure her friend’s loyalty. Abby never caught it, but she knows it exists. And it’s still working its little magic on her partner. So she has to work her own magic. Abby comes down, kneeling on the floor to face them, take their hands and appear as worried as she can. Tris avoids her gaze, then looks right in her eyes, and Abby can pinpoint the exact moment she wins.
“I found her at the skatepark at two in the morning. She was high out of her mind, didn’t remember where she came from and had no idea how to get home… She was looking for him and so I called his phone, thinking he was also at the skatepark. But at the third ring she remembered he was in rehab. I walked her home and she told me he was just getting some help and asked me to not tell anyone of his friends. So I told everyone he was on vacation with Ellen at their beach house.”
Abby tries to believe what Tris is explaining, but so much of it doesn’t match the reality she knows : Max being high is a first. Being high ‘out of her mind’ until she couldn’t remember where her house is, that’s another thing. Asking to lie and not cursing at the whole world, also feels weirdly unreal.
“Oh– Okay, but like how do you know she was high ? She smelled like weed or something ?”
“No, she was really out of it, Abby. She thought I was Norah for six really long minutes. When I got her to her room there was a post-it on his door with ‘HE’S IN REHAB’ written on it. Her pupils were so big and she downed an entire bottle of water in under a minute. Didn’t smell like weed, didn’t smell like alcohol. Just the auto-pilot.”
“You said you got her house, you didn’t say to her room.” Abby notices out loud, the fear stuck in her throat making her voice a little hoarse.
Tris breathes in and Abby can feel the tension thicken. She made a mistake. She can’t make mistakes. Tris respects themselves too much for Abby to bitch around everything all the time. But they sit on her bed and take her hands –how the hell did they do that ? Calming down in under a second and the instant empathy in their eyes : “Why ? You're scared I might fall in her vagina ?” There is a pleasant smirk on their face and Abby can’t suppress the laugh that takes over her. “Because she’s really not my type.”
“Oh yeah ? Maxine is everybody’s style.” Abby notes.
“No. Not mine.” Tris continues, one hand brushing Abby’s hair behind her ear so they could pierce their eyes through hers more effortlessly. Abby blushes furiously.
“What’s your type, then ?” Abby teases, not used to this kind of flirt. Not when there is really something at stake. Because Press was an okay-kisser but she knew he’d never get in her pants. But with Tris, the calculations were different. If Tris continued what they’re doing now, if they pushed her down and started kissing her like she knows they can, if they get to her neck and decide to go south… Abigael doesn’t think she’ll even be able to form a coherent english thought to stop anything from happening. Because she has to stop it from happening. Tris can’t see her naked… not when she looks like… this. Camp was easy to skip food but it was still not good enough. Now Abby knew she could last longer and do better.
“You.” they answer with a smoothing voice meant to lure her down to hell. And all her walls break, all the damned dams come down and leave her with this flood she can’t control. Her voice gets stuck in the deep end of her throat and all that comes out is a small squeak. They kiss her and Abby can feel it coming, their hands cupping her face before dropping one to her waist and pulling her closer. She wants to save this feeling, the desire, the flood, the hunger –all of it feels overwhelming but good. But not for now. She’s not ready. She kisses back but also pulls away slightly. And Tris pulls back too. Like they could feel her unease and understood without a word. “It’s okay, just a kiss.” they leave a last peck on her lips and Abby thinks she’s dying. “I missed you.”
Good god, have my children! They ain’t mine but have them anyways!
I don’t deserve them. How the hell did I land a 10/10 ? How did this happen ? What’s the catch ? That they’re secretly a serial killer ? Fine by me! I don’t care about manslaughter –it’s just men. Something’s going to seriously fuck this. I can’t let it be Maxine.
… I can’t let it be me.
[...]
Ginny’s coming back in two or four days, depending on the price of the flights. But it’s soon. And Norah comes back in two days, depending on how much she actually wants to come back from paradise to this shithole.
Tris has been a little weird lately. Or maybe Abby’s just been more paranoid. It’s probably nothing. Just sometimes she thinks they might be lying. They seem tired some morning they decide to take a walk. Have new music in head, news about people she’s never met and hasn’t seen. Abby felt like an actual housewife when she found some glitter and a long white hair –from a wig– on their hoodie she stole from them –with their consent. And when she asked about it ‘What did you do last night ? You feel tired ?’ they always answered the same charade : ‘Nothing much. Saw some friends. Watch a movie… Just didn’t sleep well.’. And it hurts because Abby can’t accuse them of anything. For all possible, Tris is telling the truth. But she can feel in her bones that she should dig deeper.