Chapter Text
cosmicprince:
god im so bored
#i finished all my hw but im so bored u guys #i wanna watch a movie with the squad #prince speaks
8 notes
getshrekt said: what squad
youlikejazz said: don’t go calling the aliens ur squad that’s so fkn rude
cosmicprince:
MY FRIENDS ARE SO MEAN
#WHY #prince speaks
4 notes
godzillasace said: what friends
getshrekt said: ^^^^^
cosmicprince:
godzillasace replied to your post: MY FRIENDS ARE SO MEAN
| what friends
STOP BEING MEAN ALL OF U
#SEE WHAT I GO THRUOGH YOU GUYS #prince replies
9 notes
getshrekt said: your life is so tragic
youlikejazz said: you poor delicate soul
godzillasace said: want some balloons for that pity party oikawa
~*~
June 7, 2017
16:19
WORST UNCLE: U GUYS ARE MEAN
WORST UNCLE: UR NOT MY FRIENDS
therarestpepe: Iwaizumi
therarestpepe: I’ll bring the food If youre bringing the balloons
our lord and savior: hana what about you
barrybbenson: I’ll tell dick jokes as entertainment
WORST UNCLE has left the conversation.
therarestpepe: our baby boy ran away
therarestpepe: hana our son is missing
barrybbenson: itll be ok matsu
our lord and savior: I’m sorry you guys
our lord and savior: I’ll find your son
June 7, 2017
16:43
Iwaizumi: Oikawa
Iwaizumi: come back to the chat
Iwaizumi: your parents are extremely worried
Tooru☆: thEYRE NOT MY PARENTS
Tooru☆: PLUS IM OLDER THAN THEM
Tooru☆: I DONT WANNA COME BACK
Iwaizumi: well if you’re gonna go.
Iwaizumi: I’ll leave too
Tooru☆: are u serious
Iwaizumi: I don’t see the point in staying if we’re not gonna have true entertainment
Tooru☆: u guys think im funny
Tooru☆: ??
Iwaizumi: yeah??
Iwaizumi: please come back Oikawa
Tooru☆: …..
Tooru☆: this better not be a trap
Iwaizumi: it’s not.
Tooru☆: ok…
June 7, 2017
17:09
our lord and savior added WORST UNCLE
our lord and savior: I found him
barrybbenson: TOORU-KUN
barrybbenson: OUR BOY
therarestpepe: OUR SON
barrybbenson: WE’VE MISSED U SO MUCH
barrybbenson: DON’T U EVER DO THAT AGAIN
WORST UNCLE: IM OLDER THAN BOTH OF U
barrybbenson: U KNOW WHAT
barrybbenson: YOURE FUKCING GROUNDED YOUNG MAN
WORST UNCLE: FUK U DAD
barrybbenson: … did you actually just call me dad
therarestpepe: do you see hana as a father figure oikawa?
WORST UNCLE: nO
WORST UNCLE: but I see him as a bOTHER FIGURE BC HES ALWAYS BOTHERING ME
our lord and savior: HEY
our lord and savior: SHOW YOUR FATHER SOME RESPECT
therarestpepe: DON’T YOU DARE TALK TO YOUR FATHER THAT WAY
barrybbenson: IWA DID IT
barrybbenson: GOD BLESS
WORST UNCLE: WHAT THE EHLL
WORST UNCLE: IS WRONG WITH U ALL
~*~
June 8, 2017
15:03
WORST UNCLE: guysssssss
WORST UNCLE: ……
WORST UNCLE: guuuUUUUUYSSSSSSSS
WORST UNCLE: (˃ɷ˂)
therarestpepe: whaaaAAT
WORST UNCLE: im so booooored
therarestpepe: what do you want us to dooooooo
WORST UNCLE: taaaaaalk
WORST UNCLE: entertain meeeeee~
our lord and savior: shut upppppp~
WORST UNCLE: back at you iwachaaaaaaan~
barrybbenson: im trying to do hw so shut up pls
WORST UNCLE: take ur phone off vibrate thrn yeesh
barrybbenson: kiss my ass oikawa
WORST UNCLE: wow ok rude
barrybbenson: oikawa
barrybbenson: you remember that stupid teacher i had right
WORST UNCLE: OHHH
WORST UNCLE: say no more
barrybbenson: god i fucking hate him so mch
barrybbenson: i just wanna drop out of college so i don’t see him
therarestpepe: yea….
barrybbenson: ah...
barrybbenson: anyway
barrybbenson: what are u guys up to
barrybbenson: ?
our lord and savior: fucking around on tumblr
therarestpepe: thinking abt getting food
therarestpepe: but i’m too lazy and tired
WORST UNCLE: same
WORST UNCLE: and im bored???
our lord and savior: okay I’m getting tired of hearing you say that so here
our lord and savior: http://meloetta.tumblr.com/post/159892665266/tiffanarchy-this-is-the-best-thing-i-will-see
therarestpepe: LMFAO WHAT
barrybbenson: OH MY GOD
WORST UNCLE: IS THT A DILDO
WORST UNCLE: ?????
our lord and savior: yeah it is
therarestpepe: i should get one tbh
barrybbenson: oH
WORST UNCLE: oh dear god
WORST UNCLE: why???????
therarestpepe: for my car you pervs
therarestpepe: but its nice to see what youre all thinking about ;))))
our lord and savior: nope
therarestpepe: :(((
barrybbenson: dw matsu i definitely am
therarestpepe: aw <3
barrybbenson: its weird that u wanna use it on your car tho
therarestpepe: …..
our lord and savior: pff Hana no
barrybbenson: hana yES
barrybbenson: quick question
barrybbenson: where can you even get a dildo
WORST UNCLE: are u serious makki
WORST UNCLE: thats the most important thing on ur mind
WORST UNCLE: why
WORST UNCLE: why would you even nEED one????
barrybbenson: idk I just wanna know where to get one??
barrybbenson: what are you the dildo police?????
WORST UNCLE: STOP
therarestpepe: here u go
therarestpepe: [link]
barrybbenson: JESUS MATSU
WORST UNCLE: U JUST SPRING THIS ON EVERYONE W/O WARNING
our lord and savior: fucking hell
therarestpepe: its very nsfw so no kids allowed
therarestpepe: that means you oikawa
barrybbenson: yasss matsu
barrybbenson: call him tf out
barrybbenson: we cannot allow our child to go on this sin site
WORST UNCLE: shUT UP凸(>皿<)凸
barrybbenson: are you really an adult oikawa??
WORST UNCLE: I PAY BILLS SO SHUT UP MAKKI
barrybbenson: you are a paragon of adulthood oikawa
therarestpepe: o shit my boi’s using big words now
therarestpepe: i’m so proud
barrybbenson: <3
our lord and savior: holy shit??
our lord and savior: I can’t believe there are people out there making stuff like this
barrybbenson: I cant believe people are writing small fics in the item descs
therarestpepe: bless
barrybbenson: lmao
therarestpepe: holy shit
therarestpepe: hana I’m gonna send you something
barrybbenson: lmao nice ty
therarestpepe: i don’t mean to disappoint you but that’s not what i meant
barrybbenson: oh :(
barrybbenson: well then hmu matsu
WORST UNCLE: beam me up scotty
WORST UNCLE: im sorry i couldnt
our lord and savior: fucken nerd
our lord and savior: go watch star wars then if you’re so bored
WORST UNCLE: you’re dead to me Iwaizumi.
WORST UNCLE: that line is NOT from star wars.
WORST UNCLE: it’s from star trek.
our lord and savior: okay what the fuck
our lord and savior: oikawa just typed out coherent sentences
our lord and savior: what is happening??
therarestpepe: oikawa takes his nerd movies pretty seriously
therarestpepe: that’s like one of the things you shouldn’t fuck with him about tbh
our lord and savior: I’m kinda terrified
our lord and savior: I’m not even kidding?
WORST UNCLE: you should be.
our lord and savior: …was that a threat?
WORST UNCLE: nO
WORST UNCLE: IM SORRY IWACHAN OMF
barrybbenson: aaaand hes back
therarestpepe: thank god
our lord and savior: …..
WORST UNCLE: anyway im gonna go watch star trek now so byeeee~
barrybbenson: I think iwa’s still shitting himself
therarestpepe: sexy asf
our lord and savior: MATSUKAWA.
~*~
June 8, 2017
15:42
king shrek: hana.
king shrek: do you have any idea when iwaizumi’s birthday is?
queenbee: nooo
queenbee: but why
queenbee: ?
king shrek: we should get him smth for it
queenbee: we should
queenbee: but what
king shrek: we should get him smth from bad dragon lmfao
queenbee: oH MY GOD
queenbee: I WAS JUST THINKING TGE SAME THING
king shrek: lmfao
king shrek: should we tell oikawa tho
king shrek: i want him to get in on this too
queenbee: i could ask him
queenbee: he’d definitely say yes to getting iwa a present
king shrek: we can just not tell him what itll be tho lmao
queenbee: ur an evil genius
king shrek: <3
queenbee: <3
queenbee: ok so oikawaa said yes
queenbee: but hes asking what we’re getting
king shrek: oh shit
king shrek: umm
king shrek: ?????
king shrek: oh fuck it
king shrek: we’ll just tell him i guess
queenbee: that’s no fun
queenbee: but ok
king shrek: holy shit okay so
king shrek: he started screaming
king shrek: and protesting
king shrek: but then he said yes
king shrek: just to get back at him for making fun of his nerd movies
king shrek: so he’ll do it
queenbee: oikawa is so fuckign petty jfc
~*~
June 8, 2017
15:58
Hanamaki: yoooo iwaizumi
Iwaizumi: hey what’s up?
Hanamaki: when is your birthday
Hanamaki: ?
Iwaizumi: …why?
Hanamaki: we just wanna know
Hanamaki: we still don’t know much abt you tbh
Hanamaki: my birthday’s january 27
Hanamaki: matsu’s bday is march 1
Hanamaki: dorkawa’s is gonna be july 20
Hanamaki: and we always get each other gifts n shit
Hanamaki: and we wanna send u something
Iwaizumi: …I have a very bad feeling about this
Iwaizumi: I’m gonna be honest right now
Hanamaki: why do u assume the worst of us Hajime-kun?
Iwaizumi: did you all fucking forget the furry shit a few days ago??
Hanamaki: ohhhh
Hanamaki: lmao
Hanamaki: don’t worry
Hanamaki: we promise won’t send anything weird
Iwaizumi: ….. my birthday’s in two days.
Hanamaki: that was easy
Hanamaki: and holy shit that’s so soon???
Iwaizumi: yeah
Hanamaki: what abt your address
Hanamaki: ?
Iwaizumi: fine
Iwaizumi: here
Iwaizumi: This message has been deleted.
~*~
June 8, 2017
16:04
queenbee: i got his bday and address matsu
king shrek: ah good
king shrek: so lets go look
June 9, 2017
00:05
king shrek: HOLY SHIT
king shrek: HANA
king shrek: !!!!!!!!!!!
queenbee: WHAT
queenbee: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
king shrek: I FOUND SOMETHING
queenbee: HMTFU
king shrek: [link]
queenbee: ITS PERFECT
queenbee: IM ACTUALLY CRYING
queenbee: MATSU UR THE ACTUAL DEVIL
queenbee: ORDER THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW
king shrek: WAY AHEAD OF YOU
king shrek: I’M FUCKIN PAYING EXTRA FOR THAT TO GET HERE TOMORROW
queenbee: GOOD SHIT
~*~
June 9, 2017
09:47
boinkawa: noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
boinkawa: I BROKE MY STAR TREK DVD
boinkawa: MY LIFE IS OVER
boinkawa: MATTSUN
boinkawa: MATTSUNNNN
10:30
mattsucc: calm down
mattsucc: its not the end of the world
boinkawa: …………..
boinkawa: what the hell
mattsucc: is ur name now
mattsucc: uh
mattsucc: me and makki may or may not have spent all night looking around on the website for that
boinkawa: ohhhhh
boinkawa: I mean eW
mattsucc: and we started drinking
mattsucc: and changed everyone’s names
boinkawa: jesus
boinkawa: and whats my name???
mattsucc: ….boinkawa
boinkawa: ………
boinkawa: …..well
boinkawa: it could be worse i guess
mattsucc: sooooooo
mattsucc: yeah
mattsucc: anyway I’m gonna go lie down or my head is gonna pop open
boinkawa: yuck
boinkawa: sleep well mattsun
boinkawa: wait
boinkawa: dont u have a class today???
mattsucc: yes.
mattsucc: they’re not gonna miss me that much.
boinkawa: huh….
boinkawa: well ok
boinkawa: have a nice nap~
mattsucc: thanks.
11:02
iwangzumi: morning
iwangzumi: ….
iwangzumi: good morning to everyone expect for the person that gave me this fucking name
mattsucc: aw cmon iwa
mattsucc: I think its pretty fitting
iwangzumi: Matsu.
iwangzumi: I’m a man of simplicity
iwangzumi: I don’t want to fuck around with puns
iwangzumi: I want people to see my name and know I mean business
iwangzumi’s nickname is now cock.
mattsucc: there
mattsucc: is that better?
cock: ….
cock: please change it back.
cock’s nickname is now iwangzumi.
~*~
June 10, 2017
17:49
mattsucc: happy birthday Iwaizumi!
hanamakeyoucome: ayyyy happy birth!!
boinkawa: happy bday iwa-chan!!!! ☆*･゜ﾟ･*(^O^)/*･゜ﾟ･*☆
hanamakeyoucome: *birthday
boinkawa: shut up makki ( ≧Д≦)
mattsucc: jesus christ oikawa could you be any more extra with those damn emojis
assmaster 3000: thanks guys
assmaster 3000: also ^^
boinkawa: i do waht i want mattsun
mattsucc: oikawa you weren’t supposed to start drinking yet
mattsucc: asshole
boinkawa: shUT UP （╬ಠ益ಠ)
boinkawa: anyway
boinkawa: iwa-chan!!!
boinkawa: pls tell me u got our presents o(≧∇≦o)
assmaster 3000: you guys got me stuff?
boinkawa: yeah!!
hanamakeyoucome: ofc ???
hanamakeyoucome: what kind of friends would we be if we didn’t get u anything
mattsucc: Iwa?
hanamakeyoucome: he’s ignoring us now
hanamakeyoucome: maybe we are the worst friends
boinkawa: literally sto p
boinkawa: talking
hanamakeyoucome: I can’t go on
boinkawa: good
hanamakeyoucome: the day I dreaded has finally come
hanamakeyoucome: tell my kids I love them
boinkawa: and mattsun calls mE extra
boinkawa: ok
assmaster 3000: i was outside getting your presents from the mailbox idiots
hanamakeyoucome: HE RETURNS
assmaster 3000: and you guys are the worst friends to be honest
hanamakeyoucome: LDKHDAGLJAH
hanamakeyoucome: WHY
mattsucc: ignore him
hanamakeyoucome: WHYYYYYYY
mattsucc: open the presents
boinkawa: wait!!
boinkawa: lets video call
hanamakeyoucome: oohhHH YES YES YES
mattsucc: let’s do it
Iwaizumi squints at the last few messages suspiciously, but he hits the ‘video call’ button anyway and waits for the others to answer.
The first screen to pop up was Matsukawa’s; he was leaning in his chair and obnoxiously slurping what looked to be a smoothie. Iwaizumi cringes at the loud static in his ears.
“Matsu, please stop that.”
Matsukawa pulls his lips away from the straw and sets the drink down. “Nice to see you too, Iwaizumi.”
The next screen was of Hanamaki spinning in his chair. He stops when he sees the light near his camera flash. “Oh shit, waddup.”
“Where’s Oikawa?”
“I’m here!” Oikawa’s voice calls out, but his screen is nowhere to be found. “Damn it, my camera’s being stupid…”
“Oh well, whatever,” Hanamaki shrugs, completely disregarding Oikawa’s problem when he sees Iwaizumi holding the gifts. “Ooh open mine first!”
Iwaizumi glances down and sees that there are not three, but four presents from them. That’s pretty generous of them, but it’s still weird. Eh, whatever. He picks up Hanamaki’s gift; it’s poorly wrapped in paper that’s covered in kiddy race cars.
“It’s a special wrapping paper just for a special boy like you, Hajime-kun. You’re a big kid now.”
“I’m older than you, dumbass.”
Hanamaki blows a kiss to the screen.
Iwaizumi ignores the gesture with a small blush on his face as he proceeds to rip the present open.
It’s a DVD box of fucking The Bee Movie.
“Are you fucking serious,” he mutters darkly, glaring up at the screen to Hanamaki’s pleased expression. Iwaizumi wants to punch it off his face.
“It could’ve been worse. I could’ve been reading you the entire script right now.”
Iwaizumi pales and places the box on his desk. “Uhh. Thanks? I guess?”
Hanamaki winks and does the finger gun gesture at him.
“Okay, mine next,” Matsukawa says. He started slurping his smoothie again and Iwaizumi doesn’t even bother saying anything.
He picks up a surprisingly well-wrapped present, there’s no tacky wrapping paper and Iwaizumi already has another bad feeling about this. He really shouldn’t, but the amount of effort that was put into this still puts him on edge. It’s pretty heavy, as he unwraps it it’s a cardboard box stuffed with packing peanuts and-
“Shrek… shot glasses.” Iwaizumi deadpans.
“If we ever come there we’re fucking drinking with those,” Matsukawa says, “I’ll let you have the Fiona one to my Shrek.”
Iwaizumi sighs. “How… generous… of you.”
“I call dibs on the Puss in Boots glass!”
“Not fair, Makki!”
“Don’t whine, Oikawa,” Matsukawa chides, “You can get the Donkey one.”
Iwaizumi purses his lip and nods. “Makes sense since he’s the biggest ass of us all.”
“Shut up, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa screeches. His screen is still black but everyone knows that he’s either sticking his tongue out or flipping them all off. He suddenly chirps, “Anyway, mine’s next!”
Iwaizumi grabs another present, this one is nicely-wrapped but the paper is covered in aliens. This one is heavy too, and Iwaizumi prays to god it’s nothing fucking weird again. “National Geographics?”
Matsukawa raises his eyebrows in confusion. “Oikawa, what the fuck?”
“What, you think my present is the weirdest one? It’s so Iwa-chan can see that aliens do in fact exist,” Oikawa responds with the most serious tone in his voice. “I know you sent that anon back then. Meanie.”
Iwaizumi opens his mouth, but nothing comes out except a groan. “Fine, you win. Thanks Oikawa.”
“Aren’t you gonna open the last one?” Hanamaki asks.
Matsukawa’s finished his smoothie and he leans closer towards his screen to maybe watch Iwaizumi’s face as he opens it.
“Uh,” Iwaizumi says hesitantly. He reaches his hand down to pick up the box. Christ, this one is huge and sure weighs a ton. What the fuck is in it? Surely it can’t be worse than the other three can it?
…Can it?
“Sure, why not.”
“It’s from all of us, Hajime-kun,” Hanamaki sing-songs, staring at him with a smirk on his face.
Iwaizumi audibly swallows. He rips away the paper and sees a cardboard box, the flaps stuck down with tape. He grabs his pocket knife from his desk drawer and drags it through the tape, slowly opening the box to reveal a weird object.
…Oh.
Oh.
Iwaizumi’s expression immediately changes from unimpressed to horrified in no time flat when he stares at the content in the box. “Oh no. Oh hell no!”
Matsukawa and Hanamaki immediately burst out laughing, Oikawa’s screen finally pops up to show him trying to catch his breath and slamming his fists on his desk.
“What is this?!” Iwaizumi screeches as he yanks out a gigantic dildo from the box to show to the camera, and it only fuels everyone else to laugh even harder. “What the HELL am I gonna do with this?! It’s fucking huge!”
Oikawa’s trying to speak, but everything he says is incoherent until he finally gets out, “You can- oh my god I can’t- It’s for your Godzilla collection!”
“You guys got me a fucking Godzilla dildo?!”
His reactions aren’t putting an end to everyone wailing and howling with laughter. Hanamaki started sobbing and slipped right out of his chair.
“I am NOT putting this up with my plushies!” Iwaizumi roars. “What the hell is wrong with all of you?!”
Matsukawa actually stops laughing for a few seconds to give Iwaizumi the most deadly serious look on his face as he says, “You can just use it instead.”
Iwaizumi sputters, “I’d fucking die if I tried!?”
Oikawa shoves his chair back and runs away off screen to wipe his nose and eyes while Hanamaki’s comes up from off his floor to reveal his tomato-red fave, tears streaming down his cheeks. He takes a few deep breaths to calm himself down so he could respond with, “So wait wait wait. You’re considering using it?”
“No,” Iwaizumi bellows, “NO. NO!”
“But Iwa-chan!” Oikawa whines out. “It could’ve been worse! We could have requested it to be named after you or even gotten one that lays eggs in you! Be grateful we didn’t go all out on it!”
Iwaizumi slams his hands down on his desk in total frustration. “Listen. I know where you fucking live and I will personally come and kick your ass if you keep talking, Shittykawa.”
“Maybe he’ll even bring Dongzilla with him to do it,” Matsukawa spits out, and Hanamaki almost chokes on his own tongue.
“’Dongzilla’!” Oikawa hollers until he ends up choking on his tongue.
Iwaizumi wants to scream. He wants to cry. He doesn’t know what he wants to do; everyone can see his face and are still howling with laughter. He wants to tell everyone to go fuck themselves, but he knows that would be used against him as a dirty joke, so instead he stupidly spits out, “YOU GAVE THAT MORONIC THING A NAME?!”
“Hey now,” Matsukawa comments nonchalantly, “don’t speak so harshly about Dongzilla. You’ll hurt his feelings.”
“’His feelings’!” Both Hanamaki and Oikawa scream out.
Iwaizumi has run out of words to say. He leans back in his chair, runs his hands up and down his face until they cover his mouth so he can let out the loudest groan with a whine at the end. “I swear to god I’m gonna choke myself,” he mutters, digging his fingers into his eyes.
“You better not use Dongzilla to do that,” Matsukawa chides.
“I’ll fucking shove the damn thing down your throat if you don’t stop,” Iwaizumi threatens, holding the godforsaken dildo in front of him towards the screen.
Matsukawa’s eyelids droop along with a sultry smile appearing on his face. “Ooh, I’m down for that. Just tell me when, baby.”
Call ended, duration 2:04:39
assmaster 3000 has left the conversation.
19:58
hanamakeyoucome: i wanna be sad about iwa leaving again
hanamakeyoucome: but theres no fkn way i can be sad whrn that name pops up lmfao
~*~
Iwaizumi steps into the genkan to slip off his sneakers when he hears his mother calling for him. He raises his head in the direction where her voice is coming from, which is the kitchen.
He pads over to the supply closet door in the kitchen to see her putting away a vacuum cleaner and a mop bucket.
“Mom?” Iwaizumi says. His mother looks at him with distress in her eyes and it causes Iwaizumi to worry. “Is something wrong?”
“Erm,” she says, her voice breaking as she begins to speak. “I was in your room cleaning earlier and, well, I found a strange object in your room? On your bed?”
Iwaizumi raises a brow in confusion, looking at the wall behind her to think about what it could—
No. No.
“M-mom,” Iwaizumi stutters, eyes widening in horror. “I swear I can explain—“
“Why on earth,” she interrupts him, “do you have a freaky looking sex toy on your bed?”
Iwaizumi stares at her, mortified. How’s he gonna explain that his idiot friends got him a dildo for his birthday?
What is he supposed to say? ‘Hell yeah mom, I bought it’ he thinks, cringing at the possible reactions she would have to a response like that.
“It… it was a gift,” he weakly replies.
His mother blinks at him in shock as she finishes putting away the vacuum, leaving him standing in the supply closet completely frozen.
A few moments later, he shakes his head and paces out of the closet. She’s by the sink washing dishes and Iwaizumi hopes that the conversation is over until she says to herself, “Who on earth would send something like that to you as a joke?” Iwaizumi bows his head to look at the floor, face completely flushed. “Just… just be careful with it, okay? Oh my goodness…”
…Did I really just make this worse for myself?, he thinks as he goes straight to his room.
He finds the cursed object on his bed and visibly flinches, grabbing an empty shoebox from his closet and shoving the dildo into it. He slides it under his bed and flops onto it, groaning into his pillow.
The others can never fucking know about this.
~*~
godzillasace:
mom I am so. soooo. sorry.
#oh god #text
3 notes
~*~
June 23, 2017
19:58
boinkawa: http://godzillasace.tumblr.com/post/ …
boinkawa: iwachan did something happen????
boinkawa: iwachan??
hanamakeyoucome: hes at work
boinkawa: shit
boinkawa: i forgot
hanamakeyoucome: wait wtf
hanamakeyoucome: whats going on??
boinkawa: smth happened to his mom apparently????
hanamakeyoucome: holy shit
hanamakeyoucome: iwa
hanamakeyoucome: iwa-iwa~
hanamakeyoucome: IWAIZUMI
hanamakeyoucome: HAJIME-KUN
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: WHAT
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: DO YOU WANT
boinkawa: WTF
boinkawa: IS WRONG WITH MATTSUN
hanamakeyoucome: lmao
boinkawa: aND YOU
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: actually Oikawa
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: this was my doing
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: so was assmaster 3000
boinkawa: what is happening to my poor innocent iwachan ｡ﾟ(*´□`)ﾟ｡
hanamakeyoucome: this one is my fave lmao
hanamakeyoucome: and trust me oikawa
hanamakeyoucome: he’s not fucking pure in any way
hanamakeyoucome: plus ur the one to blame too
boinkawa: excUSE ME?????
hanamakeyoucome: have you SEEN what we got him??
hanamakeyoucome: surprised he hasnt died yet tbh
hanamakeyoucome: and that his ass is still in one piece
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: I haven’t fucking used it at ALL
hanamakeyoucome: thts what a person who HAS used it would say
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: piss off Hana
hanamakeyoucome: ( ˘ ³˘)♥
hanamakeyoucome: anywaaaayyyyy
hanamakeyoucome: its friday yall
hanamakeyoucome: what are we gonna do
boinkawa: idk??? i dont have work tmrw soooo
mattsucc: me neither
boinkawa: !?? since when did YOU get a job???
mattsucc: a couple months ago
mattsucc: i didnt tell anyone bc it didn’t seem like a big deal
boinkawa: what do u do??
mattsucc: i work at a bar
mattsucc: the pay is rly good though
mattsucc: i’m not working tonight tho so i’m free
mattsucc: who’s up for a drinking game?
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: I am
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: I had a shitty day so I already started
mattsucc: iwa’s got the right fkn idea
mattsucc: are you gonna join oikawa?
mattsucc: or do you have little demons to deal with tomorrow
mattsucc: ?
boinkawa: literally no one in this chat can fucken read huh
mattsucc: don’t be fkn rude
boinkawa: i apologize ur majesty
mattsucc: thts better
mattsucc: so are you in or what?
boinkawa: let the games begin bithc
mattsucc: that’sw hat i’m talking about
mattsucc: hana
mattsucc: haaanaaaa
mattsucc: sweetums uwu
mattsucc: pumpkin
mattsucc: dickweed
mattsucc: asshole
mattsucc: hana the longer you take the more hurtful the names are gonna be
mattsucc: soggy cereal left on a table for two hours
hanamakeyoucome: stfu i’m here??
hanamakeyoucome: also tht last one was mean :///
mattsucc: i’m sorry bby
hanamakeyoucome: i forgive u <3
mattsucc: <3333
hanamakeyoucome: <333333333
boinkawa: here we go ahai n
hanamakeyoucome: dont be jeaouls oikawa
mattsucc: don’t be greedy hana
hanamakeyoucome: u right
hanamakeyoucome: wanna join in on the love oikawa
hanamakeyoucome: ??
boinkawa: no thx
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: ok so
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: what was thst about drinkinh game???
mattsucc: OH RIGHT
mattsucc: ok so like
mattsucc: um
mattsucc: geex we’re limited fuck
mattsucc: i guess we’ll just do the fuucking lame old truth or dare
boinkawa: ooooooyES
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: oikaws is the biggest teenager of us all
hanamakeyoucome: ikr
hanamakeyoucome: anyway
hanamakeyoucome: who watns to go first
boinkawa: meeeeeeeeeeeeee
hanamakeyoucome: gor fir it
boinkawa: yikes ok
hanamakeyoucome: don’t fuckin chicken out now
boinkawa: shut up im thinking
boinkawa: ummm
boinkawa: IWACHAN
boinkawa: TRUTH OR DARE
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: uhhhhhhhhhhh
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: fuckin..
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: dare
mattsucc: ohhhhhhh
boinkawa: i dare u tooooo
boinkawa: lick ur phone
mattsucc: oh cmon
mattsucc: that’s so lame
boinkawa: stfu u ask smth better then
mattsucc: well i cant ask now :/
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: don e
mattsucc: wait
mattsucc: waitwaitwaitwaitwiat
mattsucc: how do we KNOW YUO Actually did it tho
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: i don’t need to prove shit
mattsucc: nope
mattsucc: i need proof
mattsucc: i’m calling you guys
Group call, 20:43
Iwaizumi clicks the call button with little to not coordination thanks to the questionably large amount of alcohol in his system.
“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa slurs with a goofy smile on his face. Well at least Iwaizumi now knows Oikawa is a damn lightweight. “Show me you licking your phone.”
Iwaizumi’s face crumples. “Do I have to?”
Matsukawa’s screen is the next one to pop up. “It’s a shitty dare but you gotta do it.”
“Shut up, Mattsun!” Oikawa screeches, narrowing his eyes at Matsukawa’s screen. He takes a rather large swig from a bottle of cheap gross-looking beer, and Iwaizumi scrunches his nose. “Ahh. Go ahead, Iwa-chan~.”
“Ugh, fine…” Iwaizumi reluctantly reaches for his phone sitting on the desk in front of him, holding it up for Oikawa to see. He pokes his tongue out and lightly drags it across the screen, but he ends up spitting and shaking his head in protest.
“Oh my god,” Iwaizumi wails as he wipes his mouth with his sleeve. “It’s like licking an ice cube.”
Matsukawa raises a brow. “That sounds like a good thing though?”
“Not if the ice cube’s been on your ear all damn day.”
Matsukawa groans in disgust and Oikawa has a pleased look on his face. Iwaizumi suddenly has the urge to slap it right off.
“I’m so proud!”
Iwaizumi gulps down his beer to get the taste of ears out of his mouth. “You’re disgusting.”
“Where’s Makki?” Oikawa asks, squinting at his screen to look for Hanamaki’s window.
“I’m here,” Hanamaki’s voice calls out, “my camera’s being an asshole but I can see you guys. That was really fucking gross, Iwaizumi.”
Iwaizumi takes a deep breath after pulling the bottle away from his lips. “Can we please stop talking about it then?”
Hanamaki's screen finally shows him nodding in agreement. “Anyway, whose turn is it now?”
“I think it’s yours, Hana,” Matsukawa says, resting his chin on his palm. He looks like he’s gonna pass out any minute now, his eyes are drooping at this point. How long has he been drinking?
“I dare you to…” Hanamaki trails off, squeezing his eyes shut as he thinks. Iwaizumi could swear he was asked what the meaning of life was the way he looked thinking so hard. His eyes snap open and he pounds a fist on his desk, causing Matsukawa to jump in his seat. “To post your entire fuckin’ internet history.”
“One second,” Matsukawa replies with zero hesitation. A few clicks are heard on his end but Oikawa stops him with sounds of disagreement.
“Uh uh, nope,” Oikawa says, “no stupid screenshots because I know you’re gonna edit them.”
Matsukawa snorts and a small window showing his screen pops up with his internet history open. “Here it is, fuckers.”
Oikawa starts squinting again and quickly reaches his hand into a desk drawer to yank out a pair of glasses, shoving them onto his face. Iwaizumi didn’t even know he needed a pair, and it makes him look like an even bigger dork.
“Shut up, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa pouts. Iwaizumi didn’t even realize he said that out loud. He’s not gonna take it back, though. “Let’s see… bad dragon, bad dragon, bad dragon, youlikejazz, youlikejazz, godzillasace, godzillasace, godzillasace, godzillasace—“
“You don’t have to read them all out Oikawa,” Hanamaki comments. “You’re not some 80 year old man.”
Oikawa ignores him in favour of continuing to read the history out loud. “Tumblr, tumblr, tumblr, how to quit colle—“
Before he could even finish that last one Matsukawa’s screen instantly vanishes. He clears his throat to hopefully erase any incoming tension from questions he’s hoping won’t be thrown at him.
Instead there’s silence in the chat for a few moments until Oikawa finally says, “…geez Mattsun, your internet history is just full of stalking and gross dildos.”
“Oh please, I bet it’s better than yours,” Matsukawa comments, “it’s all full of Iwa’s tumblr page, alien theories, other nerd shit—“
“And alien dildos too,” Hanamaki interrupts. Matsukawa and Iwaizumi burst into laughter.
Oikawa squawks in protest and screams at them both to shut up for the fourth time in the call. Iwaizumi’s still giggling to himself and suddenly spits out, “Maybe we should get you an alien dildo for your birthday. You’d finally have a new best friend.”
Hanamaki weeps into his microphone from laughing. Oikawa screams, “You don’t even know when my birthday is!”
“Sure I do,” Iwaizumi replies with a smug smile on his face. “Hana’s told me all of your birthdays and I know exactly what to get you all.”
“MAKKI!” Oikawa wails. “What the fuck!?”
No one can still see his screen but they hear a loud thud and Iwaizumi suspects he’s fallen out of his chair. Probably even hit his head, too.
“I’m gonna fucking die, oh my god,” Hanamaki wheezes.
“Yes you will!” Oikawa roars. “This is not how I wanted Iwa-chan to find out about my birthday!”
Matsukawa hums as he drinks, pulling the bottle away from his mouth. “Hey, Iwa, speaking of dildos—“
“How about we don’t?” Iwaizumi replies bitterly.
“Aww c’mon,” Matsukawa says, pouting. Iwaizumi looks away to stare at his curtains instead. Matsukawa may look cute but that’s not gonna get him to talk about it some more. “i just wanna know if we’re getting our money’s worth.”
Oikawa scrunches his nose in distaste. “Eugh, that sounds so dirty, Mattsun. No offense, Iwa-chan.”
Iwaizumi shrugs. “Ehh I don’t really care, whatever.”
“Oh! Iwa-chan! I forgot to ask you something earlier!”
Iwaizumi glances at his screen to look at Oikawa’s window. “What?”
“What happened to your mom the other day?”
Iwaizumi swallows down a few gulps of alcohol because he really doesn’t think or feel like he’s drunk enough to talk about that. Not yet, anyway. “Can we drop that for now too?”
Oikawa sighs in disappointment. “Okay. Whose turn is it now for this now boring ass game?”
~*~
“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa giggles. He’s been giggling for the past ten minutes, after watching Matsukawa being dared to put tape all over his face, especially his eyebrows, and rip it all off. Iwaizumi wanted to cry but Matsukawa kept saying he couldn’t feel a thing. “Truth or dare!”
Iwaizumi gently smacks his cheeks as he thinks. He can also feel a tiny smile on his face as he answers with “truth.”
“Okay~ What happened with you and your mom earlier?” Oikawa gets out between bouts of laughter. Matsukawa decided to stick the tape back onto his eyebrows and kept wiggling them. Iwaizumi is lucky he can still hear Oikawa talking to him, Hanamaki is howling with laughter at Matsukawa’s antics.
“Oh my god, okay so,” Iwaizumi starts. “So like… you guys remember that dildo you sent me right? Right?”
Matsukawa stops wiggling his eyebrows to look at Iwaizumi as he begins his story. “Oh god yes, what happened?”
“I left it on my bed that day by accident and my mom like, came into my room to clean it and she found it—“ Iwaizumi stops to stifle his incoming laughter with his hands. He manages to get out, “she found it on my bed and started screaming!”
“Oh my god!” Oikawa screams until he starts coughing up a lung. Matsukawa is holding his face in his hands from crying and laughing, repeating “oh my god, oh my god this is amazing”.
“I’m so fucking proud oh my god,” Hanamaki gets out between laughs. Oikawa looks like he’s ready to puke, his face is slowly turning purple and he looks sweaty, but Iwaizumi knows it’s just his tears. “This is the proudest moment of my life.”
Iwaizumi smiles so hard he swears his cheeks are going to go numb from the pain. His stomach hurts so much from laughing and keeping it in. Hanamaki clears his throat but he continues to giggle.
“Listen- pfff- okay listen. Hajime,” Hanamaki says with a grin. “Truth or dare?”
Iwaizumi purses his lips. “Truth again!”
“Okay so, like, have you ever used the dildo?”
“The dildo has a name, Makki!” Oikawa blurts out. “And it’s name is Dongzilla!”
“Fuckin’ I wish I was sober enough to go on YouTube for this moment,” Matsukawa sadly mumbles.
“Oh! Shit! You’re right! Have you used Dongzilla? Like at all?” Hanamaki asks again.
It takes a few moments for Iwaizumi to think about it, then he shakes his head. “Noo, I haven’t. If I did that thing would fucking kill me.” Hanamaki nods his head, but he looks a little disappointed. “But! I have thought about using it before?”
“Pfft seriously?!” Oikawa cackles. Matsukawa bursts into laughter for the eighth time that night along with Hanamaki who’s pounding his fist against the desk again. Iwaizumi couldn’t help but join in on the laughing fest.
“I dunno whether to laugh or cry,” Hanamaki wheezes out.
“Okay shut up fuckers, it’s my turn now,” Matsukawa announces. “Iwa! Truth or dare!?”
“Dare!”
“Ooooh,” both Hanamaki and Oikawa say in unison.
“Would you at least attempt using the damn thing?”
“It’s Dongzilla!” Oikawa corrects him.
“Ah shit, sorry, yeah, what he said,” Matsukawa says.
Iwaizumi hums in consideration. “Hmmm… I would? I guess?”
“Wait seriously?” Hanamaki asks, his expression showing genuine shock.
“I would do it, but I wouldn’t do it on camera?”
“Fair enough, fair enough,” Matsukawa nods in agreement.
“I’ll do it when the game is over,” Iwaizumi blurts out. “Promise.”
Matsukawa can’t hide the smile forming on his face. “I’m finally getting my money’s worth.”
“You mean ours?” Oikawa says. “We paid for it too!”
“Yeah but I fuckin’ got it shipped here with my own money,” Matsukawa pouts. “So it’s my money—“
“And I need it now!” Hanamaki shouts out.
“Damn fucking right I need it now,” Matsukawa gets out between laughs.
~*~
June 24, 2017
02:14
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: yuo guys
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: i’m gona use the didlo for the first ime
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: wish me lick
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: luck
hanamakeyoucome: god speed u mahnficnt bastard
hanamakeyoucome: holy shit u guys
hanamakeyoucome: my stomach is killing meee
hanamakeyoucome: why did we stop the call agin???
mattsucc: bc iwa said hes gonna do the dare
mattsucc: he didnt want to di it on camera
hanamakeyoucome: o thts undersatna;e
mattsucc: wath
boinkawa: wait u guys
boinkawa: didnt he say smth earlier abt that thing killig him tho?
mattsucc: oh
mattsucc: OH
mattsucc: WHAT HAVE AI DONE
mattsucc: IWA ATOP
mattsucc: STOP
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: guYS
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: is it possibel to die frm this?
mattsucc: STOPPPP
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: cause i feel im dead inside
boinkawa: IWACHSN PLEASE STOP
hanamakeyoucome: OH MY GOD STOP STOP SOTP
hanamakeyoucome: OH YGOD
hanamakeyoucome: ARE U TRYING TO DIE?????????
mattsucc: TGIS IS ALL MY FALT FUCK
mattsucc: FAUTL
mattsucc: FUCK
boinkawa: HIS BLOOOD IS ON UR HANDS MATTSUN
~*~
Iwaizumi stirs awake from his sleep, immediately raising a hand to his temple to hopefully soothe his throbbing head. His brain feels like it’s going to implode inside his skull and he wants to puke.
Water, he thinks groggily. Thinking makes his head feel like popping open, so he ignores any further thoughts until he goes downstairs and fetches some water. Along with some painkillers.
He goes to move his arm to pick himself up and he whines at how the movement causes his head to throb again. Make that a lot of painkillers.
He holds onto the edge of his bed to keep himself steady to stand up until he realizes he’s actually holding something in his hand, something large and oddly textured. He looks up to see what it is (which was a mistake) and sees that he’s holding the Cursed Dildo. Dongzilla.
He scrunches his eyebrows in confusion after tossing it onto the floor, looking around his room to look for his laptop which is underneath another blanket. He looks at his nightstand to see what time it is, and instead is met with a bottle of lube perched right in front of his alarm clock.
“What the fuck…?” Iwaizumi mumbles weakly. He falls face down onto his bed again, too exhausted and hungover to actually wake up, to actually get up and clean off his desk which is completely covered with beer and whiskey bottles.
He can hear his phone buzzing with messages from the chat, but he’s in no condition to stretch out his arm and grab his phone off his pillow, even though it’s literally right next to him.
After howling in pain from retrieving his phone, he squints against the brightness and turns it the fuck down to a more tolerable level. He reads the chat and he wants to die all over again.
June 24, 2017
07:56
boinkawa: god im so worried
boinkawa: i hope he’s ok??
boinkawa: holy shit like ik his mom knows abt it but what if he hurt himself???
boinkawa: i blame mattsun for this
mattsucc: can you like
mattsucc: stop fuckin blaming me for all of this??
mattsucc: you encouraged this too??
mattsucc: YOU BOUGHT IT TOO
boinkawa: STOP REMINDING ME
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: guys.
boinkawa: IWACHAN!!!!
boinkawa: ARE U OKAY?????
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: no
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: my head
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: explode
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: need water
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: too weak
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: to get up
mattsucc: is your ass okay?????
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: ?
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: it’s fine?
mattsucc: oh thank god
mattsucc: thank god
boinkawa: u didnt use it???
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: what are you talking about
boinkawa: we dared u to use Dongzilla last night
boinkawa: then u said yes
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: oh god
boinkawa: and we ended the call
boinkawa: then u said u were honna use it
boinkawa: but then u stooped responding
boinkawa: and we started panicking
boinkawa: i was rly worried iwachan ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚
boinkawa: u didnt us ei t did u???
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: no
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: i think i passed the fuck out last night
boinkawa: thank god
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: im gonna
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: go sleep
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: and puke
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: i wanna die
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: my head hurts fuck
boinkawa: sleep iwachan
boinkawa: good night!!!
mattsucc: gnite iwa
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: mm night night
boinkawa: holy shit
boinkawa: i almost thought about finding out where he lived
boinkawa: so i could see if he was ok
mattsucc: i don’t think hed like that oikawa
mattsucc: but i get what you mean
boinkawa: wheres makki btw??
mattsucc: idk tbh
mattsucc: he vanished around 3am
mattsucc: probs in the same condisiton as iwa
boinkawa: rip
9:01
hanamakeyoucome: DID HE USE IT????
hanamakeyoucome: IS HE OK??????
boinkawa: hes ok makki
hanamakeyoucome: GOOD
hanamakeyoucome: HOLY SHIT THAT THING
hanamakeyoucome: IS WAY TOO BIG
hanamakeyoucome: WE BOUGHT THAT FOR HIM AS A JOKE U GUYS
hanamakeyoucome: I COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND KICK BOTH OF YOUR ASSES
boinkawa: YOU??? TOLD HIM TO DO IT TOO????????
boinkawa: SO STFU
hanamakeyoucome: i hope they stop making milk bread
boinkawa: i hOPE THEY CANCEL LOVE LIVE
hanamakeyoucome: YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU BITCH
boinkawa: …..actually i kinda do
boinkawa: its a good fkn game
hanamakeyoucome: and show
boinkawa: tru
mattsucc: anyway
mattsucc: while u two old women are arguing
mattsucc: i got me some bk
hanamakeyoucome: bitch
hanamakeyoucome: without me
mattsucc: oops
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: i cant believe no one tried to call me
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: to see if i was okay
hanamakeyoucome: u said u wouldn’t do it on camera
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: I MEANT ON MY PHONE?
hanamakeyoucome: wE DON’T EVEN KNOW UR NUMBER???
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: ugh
hanamakeyoucome: iwa pls go back to bed
hanamakeyoucome: youre clearly not making any sense
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: piss of
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: if
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: fuk i
hanamakeyoucome: u tryin to say fuck you
Sir Cockmunch the Fourth: yeah
hanamakeyoucome: oh
hanamakeyoucome: same to u <3
~*~
spankdaddy420:
oh my god. what the fuck did i DO last night
#my head still hurts #also #WHEN THE FUCK DID I CHANGE MY NAME #WHAT THE SHIT #text #dl
6 notes
getshrekt asked: congrats on becoming a porn blog ;)
youlikejazz asked: ayyyy love the new name unf <3
cosmicprince asked: lmao iwachan im glad youre finally realizing what ur blog should really be
Anonymous asked: are u a pron b log now?
Anonymous asked: first ur a furry and now ur a porn blog?? blocked lol
Anonymous asked: finally!!!!!!!!!
~*~
June 25, 2017
17:01
hanamakeyoucome: i’m so glad iwa’s ok tho
hanamakeyoucome: but he just keeps making things worse and worse for himself lmao
I SURVIVED DONGZILLA: you can all go fuck yourselves.
hanamakeyoucome: maybe later~
hanamakeyoucome: maybe i’ll use Dongzilla to take care of it~
I SURVIVED DONGZILLA: SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT DONGZILLA ALREADY
hanamakeyoucome: oops sry
hanamakeyoucome: i should know better than to talk tht way about ur boyfriend <3
I SURVIVED DONGZILLA: NO.
hanamakeyoucome: i at least hope u disinfected it before using it again hajime-kun~
I SURVIVED DONGZILLA: LOOK.
I SURVIVED DONGZILLA: WE’VE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE.
I SURVIVED DONGZILLA: I DIDN’T USE HIM.
hanamakeyoucome: DID U JUST CALL DONGZILLA HIM
hanamakeyoucome: WHERE TF IS MATTSUN WHEN I NEED HIM FOR SHIT LIKE THIS
mattsucc: I SAW LMFAO
mattsucc: ALSO IWa
mattsucc: we felt rly bad about what happened the other night
mattsucc: so all of us invested in a care package~
I SURVIVED DONGZILLA: thanks
I SURVIVED DONGZILLA: I’ll be sure to set the package on fire when it comes to my door
boinkawa: cmon iwachan dont be ungrateful!!
I SURVIVED DONGZILLA: I don’t want another fucking dildo????
boinkawa: but iwachan you could actually use this one
I SURVIVED DONGZILLA: whAT THE FUCK
I SURVIVED DONGZILLA: IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL
boinkawa: we thought maybe u wanted a useable one iwachan
I SURVIVED DONGZILLA: NO???
hanamakeyoucome: don’t be fucking rude hajime-kun
mattsucc: it should be at your house any second~
I SURVIVED DONGZILLA: fuck all of you
mattsucc: you mean yourself? ;)
I SURVIVED DONGZILLA: MATSUKAWA.
Iwaizumi peeks through the peephole at the front door to look for the package. He doesn’t want to, but he did say that the second he saw it he was gonna burn it to the ground.
He watches a mail van stop by the fence and a mailman grabbing a package from the back, placing the box by the gate. The minute the van takes off, Iwaizumi slowly opens the door and looks left and right for any neighbors that could be spying on him.
He dashes to the gate and picks up the bloody package, heading back inside the house and slamming the door closed behind him.
Iwaizumi heads towards the kitchen to grab a garbage bag from a cabinet, but instead he finds himself grabbing a knife to cut open the box.
After the tape is cut, he opens the flaps to see another box and he groans. He sifts through the packing peanuts and his hands touch a piece of paper. Pulling it out, he reads:
“GO FUCK YOURSELF <3 –much love from Matsu, Hana and Oikawa”
Iwaizumi heavily sighs. What is he gonna do with these idiots.
Instead of tossing the box into the garbage bag, he takes it to his room to see what ‘it’ looked like. Before he could, his phone starts buzzing.
19:03
hanamakeyoucome: hajime-kun~
hanamakeyoucome: please make sure your mom doesn’t see this one too, okay~?
I SURVIVED DONGZILLA: FUCK OFF.