Chapter Text
friday, 6:25 am
eddie pie to richie tower
eddie pie: im going to Fucking Kill you
richie tower: good morning to you too my sweet, precious apple pie
richie tower: to what do i owe this special message<3
eddie pie: i swear to Fuck, richard
eddie pie: i just had to tell my mom that i let bev try and straighten my hair and she accidentally burned my neck
eddie pie: three times
eddie pie: BECAUSE SOMEONE!!!! LEFT HICKEYS FOR EVERYONE TO SEE!!!!!
richie tower: wow who would do that to my lil spaghetti
richie tower: SOMEBODY TOUCHA MY SPAGHET !!
eddie pie: STOP MAKNG ME LAUHG IM PISSED
richie tower: wait do u have pics of ur hair straightened bc Emo Eddison kinda turns me on
eddie pie: r u fucking kidding me.
richie tower: *read at 6:33 am*
beverly and the Lost Boys
7:23 am
chicken boy: om g did u guys see eddies neck /:
eddie pie: fuck u, milk
mcbev: i think someone beat him u p
eddie pie: fuck YOU BETH
billboard: he was attacked by a vampire
billboard: a horny vamp tried to get that succ
eddie pie: i hope u choke on a fucking tater tot, rat
benald handsome: i really wish i didn't read that
benald handsome: omg we rhymed :’)
eddie pie: ben stop being soft for one fucking second
benald handosme: i
chicken boy: ok he sounds angry im actually Terrified im sorry i said anything please Forgive
mcbev: edward cullen was tryna get a taste
richie tower: OF A MY SPAGHET??!?!!?!
eddie pie: please God, release me from this prison i am in
benald handsome: i can’t believe i actually just laughed at that ////:
Stan Lee: Dear NSA, I have nothing to do with these idiots
mcbev: me either
Stan Lee: You were just encouraging it
mcbev: ur point
mcbev: ?
Stan Lee: I guess I don’t have one
mcbev: ya thats what i thought lol fuckin noodle head
richie tower: PWNED
billboard: im going to fucking block u, beth
mcbev: STOP calling me that
mcbev: u…guinea pig
billboard: ugh ow that hurt :(
chicken boy: everyone is being so hostile today wow what is in the water this morning
richie tower: dead bodies
eddie pie: ….
mcbev: u……..m
billboard: w..hat the fucc….
richie tower: B-)
Stan Lee: What the absolute fuck Richard
eddie pie: i am so , Scared of him sometimes
mcbev: not even 8am and richies already been possessed by a demon
12:15 pm
eddie pie: IM GOING TO MURDER YIU RICHIE REALLY IAM
Stan Lee: If I had a dollar for every time I’ve both read this text and heard it out loud
Stan Lee: I would have enough money to go to college without any loans
chicken boy: we all would
chicken boy: th x for paying our college tuition eddie
mcbev: HAHHAHAHAAH
eddie pie: I HATE YOU GUYS
richie tower: what could i have possibly done i am nowhere near u
richie tower: unfortunately :(
eddie pie: dont be CUTE i am going to PUNCH YOU
billboard: these empty threats are exhausting just punch him already
billboard: i wanna see some guy on guy action
benald handsome: what,..
Stan Lee: Ew Billiam
billboard: OKAY i just reread that TEXT THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT
mcbev: stan ur man is a freak
chicken boy: do NOT get u a freak like that
billboard: shut the FUCK up i hate everyone
mcbev: anyway WHAT happened edward
eddie pie: mrs i do crack cocaine caffrey just asked me if i KNEW THAT I HAD A RASH ON MY NECK
eddie pie: AND SAID SH E WAS GONNA SEND METO THE NURSE
benald handsome: HAHAHA
eddie pie: AND I WAS LIKE WHAT????????
eddie pie: then i realized what she was talking about so i had to stand there in front of class and tell her that THEY WERE HICKEYS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
richie tower: ok but did u tell them from who
eddie pie: are U SERIOUS?!?!!
richie tower: credit me next time , expect a call from my lawyer you fucking fraud
mcbev: BUT ID ID SUCH A GOOD JOB AT COVERING THEM AT LUNCH
billboard: richie PLEATHE
chicken boy: this is so funny
mcbev: HOW DID THE MAKEUP ALREADY COME OFF
eddie pie: i don’t know but im hiding in the bathroom bc i cannot Go Back
richie tower: ill come visit u<333
benald handsome: dont makeout in that bathroom guys its unsanitary
eddie pie: i would NEVER
richie tower: he says, knowing that’s exactly what we are going to do
billboard: HA u kids and ur PDA
chicken boy: use protection !!
richie tower: ;))))))
1:47 pm
richie tower to mcbev
richie tower: mom , i need u tell me if im crazy
mcbev: oh ur definitely crazy
mcbev: ur wearing plaid over stripes and floral vans
mcbev: thats fucking INSANE
richie tower: bugger off u knob this is SERIOUS
mcbev: HASFDKGFBDFS okay im sorry yes tell me ur woes my child
richie tower: ok so after 6th period i walk eddie to class well ok i am a grade a boyfriend so,, i walk him to every class but anyway today he was talking to brando n and mike
mcbev: brandon from track??? oof
richie tower: yes HIM and i know!? soooo he invited “us” to his party tomorrow but it definitely sounded like he was JUST trying to ask eddie cause he said “oh, and u guys can come too” but uhhhh my man definitely didn't sound like he MEANT it u know?????
mcbev: im waiting for the part where u sound crazy
richie tower: oh HAHA well. i think brandon is crushing on MY asthmatic hypochondriac , MY spaghet, MY fluff boy
richie tower: and i don't like the way he was SMILING at him it was flirty and i know what flirting with eddie looks like
mcbev: “flirting” …
richie tower: im flipping u off rn
mcbev: well sweats theres only one way to find out
richie tower: how
mcbev: uh we go to the fuckin RAGER tomorrow and watch him like a hawk
richie tower: well YEAH
beverly and the Lost boys
richie tower: i sure hope u fucking nerds are ready to get PLASTERED in 30 hours
Stan Lee: What
billboard: yes i can’t wait to get high huffing my paints
chicken boy: and cow manure
eddie pie: brandon invited me richie and mike to his party tomorrow night and because we r all a package we are going together
mcbev: i cant wait
benald handsome: someone else be dd i want to get CRUNK
eddie pie: ben just for that ur uninvited
mcbev: HEY
chicken boy: i’ll be DD i have an essay to cram on sunday
richie tower: 8-D
eddie pie: god i really fucking hate that face
richie tower: D-8
chicken boy: hey Before allen smashes my phone with a computer are u guys still coming over to see the chicks after school!!!
richie tower: i am always down to see chicks
eddie pie: adulterer
mcbev: as if i would ever..cancel…?
Stan Lee: I already have a name picked out :)
billboard: don’t worry none of them are chicken meal related
chicken boy: thank God
5:06 pm
richie tower: mike’s got chicks 4 dayz
richie tower: [mikeandthechickies.jpeg]
benald handsome: my life was saved by this photo
mcbev: who needs a gf when u have CHICKADEES!!!!!!
chicken boy: the chicks and i are Positively glowing in that pic
eddie pie: mike is a God
richie tower: normally i would be hurt but i can only agree with you
chicken boy: i love Reddie with my whole being
mcbev: i can’t even disagree with that statement because i do, too
eddie pie: STOP ADDRESSING US AS THAT GOD DAMN IT
Stan Lee: I miss Peep already
chicken boy: u can visit him whenever u like staniel
Stan Lee: This is the best day of my life
billboard: at this point in our relationship i am 100% certain stanley would leave me for a bird
Stan Lee: Probably
6:23 pm
eddie pie to richie tower
eddie pie: are u sure u want to go to brandons party
richie tower: why wouldn't i want to
eddie pie: ummm cause i know you hate him with every part of your soul
richie tower: wow WHO said that
eddie pie: you
eddie pie: today
richie tower: well i would hate to miss out on a chance to see my little eds let loose
richie tower: so yes i really want to go
eddie pie: uh okay
eddie pie: u know its gonna be like all track and football guys right
richie tower: my dudes @@
eddie pie: ur being weird
richie tower: do u not want me to go or something????
eddie pie: when did those words come out of my mouth ever
richie tower: idk u just seem like u don't want me to go
richie tower: i dont have to idk i don't care
eddie pie: WHERE is this coming from seriously richie i want you to go im just making sure you really want to
richie tower: i do i literally just told you that i do so
eddie pie: um,, okay then
richie tower: *read at 6:30 pm*
eddie pie: jesus Fucking christ