Chapter Text
Warm.
Makoto drifted in and out of awareness, content to keep his eyes closed and to rest. The sun shone across his face, warm and welcome after the rain of the past few days. He stretched his legs out and reached his arm up before moving to pull Haru closer.
Haru.
His eyes snapped open. Haru’s back was towards him, a small miracle. The arm that had been arcing to wrap around him shot back to his side. As quietly and as carefully as he could, he inched his way off of the bed and onto his knees on the floor. Not quite daring to stand up, he tiptoed out of the room hunched over.
He moved pretty quietly for someone so tall, perks of living with two younger siblings and parents who frequently went to bed before he did. He closed the bathroom door and slid down to put his head between his knees. His memories of the night before flood back and he wished heartily that the ground would open up and swallow him in a freak, localized sinkhole accident.
Not that he was going to get that lucky.
He brushed his teeth using the spare toothbrush he always kept at Haru’s and splashes cold water on his face to try and calm down. He thinks about masturbating but doesn’t think he could manage it in Haru’s bathroom. He’s already feeling guilty.
More cold water, then.
Feeling like he’d just done the school’s polar plunge, he was faced with another dilemma. Did he go back to the bedroom or just sneak out the front and pretend none of this ever happened?
Makoto was really starting to hate choices.
Pro: if he just left, he could pretend none of this ever happened and everything would go back to being exactly the way it was before.
Con: If he just left, everything would go back to exactly the way it was before.
Pro: Haru could just think this was all a dream and he wouldn’t hate Makoto.
Con: Haru would probably remember everything and wonder why he left.
Pro: Maybe Haru had a reasonable explanation for acting so strangely. After all, it was late at night and he had gone running in the rain.
Con: Maybe Haru would expect him to have a reasonable explanation for acting so strangely. And he really didn’t.
Pro: Haru probably wouldn’t ask him about it or offer to talk unless Makoto pressed him.
Con: Everything would go back to exactly how it was before.
Just kiss him already!
Even his inner thoughts were against him.
Haru’s bathroom was many things, but it was not a good place to pace. Makoto was just turning in a circle, entire body tense, heart pounding in his throat, wanting to vomit and run and freak out all at once.
He’d always heard people talk about a “fight or flight” instinct, where people in stressful situations either stayed and “fought” or turned and “fled”. He’d never put much thought into which way his instincts would go. The part of him that wanted to help people and be a better person said that he’d fight for those he cared about, if they were in danger. And he probably would, he knows himself well enough to give himself the credit. But if it were just him on the line, he’d probably flee. He can’t handle Nagisa’s ghost stories without grabbing on to Haru’s arm, if something actually threatening came at him he’s pretty sure he could outpace Rei at his fastest.
He’d never considered that there could be a third option. But right now, he’s not fighting or fleeing. He’s just… freezing. Maybe it’s because he has a little time, his watch says it’s about seven thirty and after the night they had he’s sure Haru’s sleeping in. He wishes he were still asleep, too, and part of him is hoping that he is, and that he’ll wake up in his own bed in his own house and none of this would have happened and, and, and….
And everything’s just the same.
Without making a conscious decision, but he walked back to Haru’s room, sliding into Haru’s bed with the same care that he’d taken getting out of it.
Haru shifts against him until his back is flush against Makoto’s chest. There may be a sigh, he’s not sure if he actually heard anything or if he’s just losing his mind more than normal. He yawns and closes his eyes again. He’d only been asleep for a few hours and he knows he’s going to need to be well-rested to deal with this in a few hours.
When Makoto opened his eyes again, his entire world is the most intoxicating blue he’s ever seen. It’s familiar, but not too familiar. He leans in closer, wanting to drown in the feeling for as long as he can. The rest of the world gradually fills in around the blue, becoming more familiar every second. He blinked a few times before realizing that Haru was staring directly at him, about two inches from his face. Makoto swallowed hard.
Lips brush ever so lightly against lips before he pushes forward and knocks him down on the bed, making up for all of these years of wondering and waiting and Haru would kiss him back and dig his nails into the skin of his back and god his back is so sensitive he would just melt further against him and-
He yelped and fell off the bed.
Haru’s head appeared over the edge. “....are you ok?”
Makoto sat up, rubbing at the hip that took the brunt of his fall. “Y-yeah, I’m fine. You just...scared me.”
“....this is my room.”
Makoto winced and tried to smile. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”
God, could you be more pathetic? “Thanks for letting me sleep here, I should go, or are you hungry? Do you want to make some breakfast?” He’s trying his hardest to be cheerful and curses himself when he hears his voice waver. He knew he was talking too much but he couldn’t help it, he can’t stand the tension in the air and he doesn’t want to contemplate what it means.
A hand appeared in front of his face. His stomach swooped as he slowly reaches out to grab on. Haru hauled him off the floor.
For a second he just stood there, still holding Haru’s hand, before letting go.
“I’ll just go cook, you can take a bath.”
Haru frowned, looking almost... frustrated. It’s a look Makoto’s used to seeing in the winter before they had access to the Samezuka training pool year-round. Well, it’s almost like that, but somehow...more. Makoto turned to head for the safety of the kitchen.
“Makoto.” Haru’s quiet voice rings out in the silence.
“Hmm?” Makoto doesn’t turn around, hand already on the side of the door.
“....mackerel.”
He nods and heads for the kitchen.
Makoto left after breakfast, heading back to remind his family he’s alive and to his housework. He does a load of laundry for his mom and helps his dad deep-clean the kitchen before sitting down to help his siblings with their homework assignments.
Haru sighed, hard, and rubs his eyes with his palms. He really thought he’d done it. What could be more obvious than literally taking him by the hand and pulling him into his bed? He was beginning to think that Makoto really just thought of him as a friend. That was the only way that he could even conceive that he was being so idiotic. What else was he supposed to do, literally throw himself at Makoto’s feet? He had the strongest suspicion that Makoto would just pick him up and go about his day as if it were entirely normal.
He pulled out his phone.
H: we slept in the same bed and held hands
R: FINALLY
H: no
R: fuck you mean no
H: he cooked breakfast and left without eating
R: ….
R: are you kidding me
H: he said he had chores
R: ….goddammit
R: CHORES
R: FUCKIN
R: I will kill him
H: I should stop trying
R: what no why don’t do that
H: He doesn’t feel the same
R: I swear to you he does
H: If he did I’d know
H: He doesn’t
R: He does
R: I know he does
R: Everyone in this town knows it
R: Haru?
R: Don’t stop responding
R: Goddammit
Haru put his phone down and sighed. He just needed to accept that Makoto didn’t return his feelings. Easy enough.
A few days later Makoto cautiously knocked on the door. He hadn’t seen Haru since the disaster of a breakfast he’d fled from.
“Haru,” He called. “Are you here? My dad made some extra tonight, he sent me here with it for you.”
He went and dropped the bag in the fridge. It was weird for Haru to be out this late without him knowing about it.
He checked the bedroom, bathroom, laundry, even the porch and the yard. Nothing. The door had been unlocked, but Haru frequently forgot about locking it anyway, especially when he left in his swimsuit and didn’t have anywhere to put the key.
But he wouldn’t have gone all the way to Samezuka without a bag to change into and even though it had been warm that day the ocean wasn’t warm enough to swim in, surely even Haru knew tha-
The door slammed as he took off for the beach at a dead run.
Haru stared out over the ocean. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew it was too cold to go in. But he liked to watch, even if couldn’t swim. The sunset over the water was peaceful with the sounds of the waves in the background and the smell of the salt on the air. He’d been coming out here for the past few days, letting the ocean drown out his thoughts.
He sat on a towel on the beach, knees drawn to his chest, chin on knees, eyes slowly closing. He could fall asleep out here, he’d considered it before but he knew it would make Makoto worry, so he never had.
Just the thought of Makoto sent a pang through his chest. Haru shook his head and stared back out over the water. He set his breath to the pace of the waves breaking against the shore and emptied his mind of all thoughts. For the moment, he’d found a tenuous peace.
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting when he sensed Makoto running up to him. The sun had all but disappeared from the sky and the wind began to blow colder. He took a deep breath, as if to steel himself.
“H-haru.” Makoto was breathing hard from the sprint he’d made. He felt foolish, thinking Haru would jump in the ocean this time of year. Clearly he’d been mistaken, and he’d sprinted this far for no reason, and now he was out of breath on the beach with Haru. Alone. At sunset.
Haru looked at him expectantly. It was safer than trying to speak with his heart in his throat.
“I stopped by to drop of some leftovers and you weren’t there.” I was worried about you.
He shrugged.
“I, uh, thought you might be here.” Getting hypothermia.
Haru gazed back over the water. “It’s peaceful.”
“Can I sit down?” He blurted, before he could stop himself.
Haru nodded and shifted to make room.
Makoto sat down.
The tension murdered Haru’s tranquil silence.
“Do you like me?”
Makoto’s soul astral projected out of his body.
Haru nearly jumped off the towel. “....what?”
Makoto opened his mouth to say literally anything in the world and got as far as the first syllable before Haru’s mouth was on his, firm and decisive. Makoto's mouth went slack for a moment. Haru pulled back, biting his lip. Before he could say anything, Makoto surged forward, crashing their lips together and pinning Haru to the towel beneath them.
“I’ve been waiting for that for years.” Makoto admitted sheepishly some time later, when they were laying on their backs, staring at the stars and holding hands.
Haru nodded his agreement. “....I was beginning to think you didn’t feel the same.”
Makoto rolled on his side to meet Haru’s gaze. “I’ve loved you my whole life.” He said, softly and simply. “It’s meaningless without you.”
Haru shifted closer to capture Makoto’s lips again.
“I love you.” He said quietly.
They walked home in a comfortable silence, hand in hand. Makoto blushed and nodded when Haru asked if he wanted to spend the night.
This time, when Haru climbed into his bed, Makoto only hesitated a little before getting in beside him. His hair looks so good in the moonlight, Makoto thought, and told him this. Haru’s response was to bury his face in Makoto’s chest, wrapping his arms around him.
Makoto pulled him close and closed his eyes.
This was enough for a lifetime.