Chapter Text
Epilogue: The letters
Reedy Harbor, Victoria
16 September 1857
Sunday - Morning
The journey to Victoria was long. Every step of the way they encountered collections of hardships. Setbacks in Spain. They had to wait around for some months before the next ship that would bear them to Australia. Noctis tried to like Spain, but…he was ill at ease. Always looking over his shoulder for the London runners to come take them away.
His father’s men, specifically. They knew no borders or boundaries. They would drag Noctis back to the Citadel and from there his father would ship him off to the Alps…where God only knew what awaited him…
“It’s alright, my love,” Ardyn tried to assure Noctis. “Whatever men your father dredged up will have to pry you from my fingers first.” He managed a wistful smile. “And I doubt there is any chance of that. Don’t you?”
Noctis’s hair was growing back. But he had lost a fair bit of weight. Ever watchful. Missing Ignis horribly. Torn over his haphazard departure from London. The strangeness of it all.
Noctis was keeping Viola under wraps for now. Safer that way. Less need for artifice. (Besides, no one knew them in Spain.) But that too, being ‘Noctis’ for a long stretch of time, frayed his nerves.
He stayed close to Ardyn’s side and pretended he was fine. He just needed to look to the near future…that’s all…make it out of Europe…
Boarding the ship bound for Reedy Harbor was a relief like he’d never known before. The wooden planks under his feet echoed with the promise of freedom. Of course, Noctis had never been on a ship that size, or for nearly that long, before (he’d crossed the English channel a few times here and there, that’s all!). But the ocean breeze. The sun high above. Watching the shore disappear behind them…these were like medicine to Noctis’s mangled soul.
A new beginning. A real future. Away from everything he hated, the trappings of his life…
Noctis closed his eyes and breathed the fresh sea air. He was headed towards a new life. One that was entirely his own.
Ardyn seemed less thrilled with the prospect of being sea-bound. He sat almost entirely above deck. Soaking up the sun until his skin turned delightfully toasted. Some nights he refused entirely to go to sleep below deck. He much preferred to idle against the rails of the ship. Watching the sea. Playing cards with Caligo and speaking almost exclusively in flash.
Caligo too seemed content to stay in the fresh air. Be it morning or night.
“Served out and out, that swell mollisher was?” Caligo mumbled, speaking in tones (and terms) only Ardyn could understand.
Nodding, Ardyn put down some cards. They were playing a game whose rules were unknown outside the convict’s yard in the Hyde Park Barracks. “A jacketing concern,” Ardyn elaborated. “Fair bridged, she posts.”
“How so?” Caligo sucked on a toothpick, swapping it from side to side in his mouth. “That cove what knapped a jacob in a danna-drag?”
“Indeed.”
“Mmm.”
Noctis would watch them play sometimes, passing the time, low-key fascinated by the types of things they did and said to each other. But Ardyn and Caligo always got quieter when Noctis was in earshot. Ardyn would break into a grin and return to regular speech. As if he tried not to speak flash where his lover could hear.
Being aboard a ship bound for Australia brought up the kind of memories they would both like to leave buried in the past. Surrounded by people who would have treated them like cattle had they been wearing the yellow and black striped clothes of London criminals. Flash was their haven. A solidarity Ardyn and Caligo shared that protected them from the bristling rage and sadness of that former life. It was plain to see.
Noctis wished he could tell them that he didn’t care. He would listen to them speak flash all day, not understand a single word, and not be bothered in the slightest. He kind of…liked it, actually. He knew it was the language of criminals. But it didn’t make him feel uncomfortable.
In Ardyn’s voice, the flash talk sounded like poetry.
“Something you needed, Noct?” Ardyn would offer grandly when Noctis edged closer to their card game.
“…No. No, I’m good.”
Times like that, Noctis would wander back to Aranea and leave them to their own devices. “Just leave them, miss,” Aranea whispered to Noctis. “Let them have their little moment or whatever. Men do enjoy their conversations.”
It seemed she knew well enough what they were discussing. And she did not approve.
Noctis felt out of the loop. But he didn’t want to intrude, either. Maybe it would take time before Ardyn felt comfortable showing that part of himself to Noctis. The flash part. After all, the facade of the gentleman had well and truly dissolved in the past few months. Every time Ardyn sold off another artifact from Engheld without a care in the world.
No gentleman would discard his family’s history in good conscience like that. Ardyn, however, seemed almost happy to be rid of the stuff. His eyes burned facetiously every time his sack of treasures got a little bit lighter. Noctis knew better than to ask why.
The one question Noctis did ask, however, was one he had been keeping to himself for quite some time. He asked it on a cool night sitting above deck with his lover in the calm moonlight. They were holding hands under the table, away from the eyes of any late-night stragglers. For the most part they were alone.
“Why do you hate cold water so much?” Noctis asked. This little quirk of Ardyn’s had become more apparent every time some ocean spray splashed him on the arm or in the face and he started like he had been walloped by a brigand.
“Hnnh.” Ardyn brushed the bangs away from his darkened face. His skin tanned so well! Like it had just been waiting for the sun’s kiss. Dying to unearth its true colors. “It’s nothing so fascinating, darling.”
“I know…” Noctis watched the surface of the ocean. Uneven and rough. Unpredictable. “I just want to know. That’s all.”
Ardyn was quiet for a long moment. Then, slowly, he began.
“In New South Wales,” (no need to elaborate where exactly, this was in reference to the prison colony, which Noctis knew to steel himself for. The closer they got to Australia, the realer this past became. Until prison began to feel like a shared history of theirs.) “We were not permitted to bathe at regular intervals. Sometimes it would be days, or even weeks. Months, on occasion. And a bath for us was not much. They would give each ward a few buckets of lukewarm water and we would have to improvise.”
Noctis cradled Ardyn’s hand in both of his own. He could only imagine how foul those barracks must have been. Men working hard labor all day without a chance to get fresh clothes or wash properly. Not great.
“When we worked outdoors,” Ardyn sighed and adjusted himself in his seat. “Sometimes the smell became overpowering. I’ll admit this as much as the next man. So. The prison guards would sometimes….” He gestured with his free hand. “…take it upon themselves to handle the matter. Throwing a bucket of freezing cold water on us as we toiled. The water chilled you to the bone and then you had to work in wet clothes for the rest of the day. Until the sun dried you off. Which happened quickly enough, fortunately. It was more the…surprise. I hardly ever saw it coming, I’m afraid.” He chuckled humorlessly.
There was more to that story that Ardyn was not telling. Noctis had learned how to read between the lines. Probably the guards served up some ridicule along with their buckets of cold water. There were also probably some men who took ill because of the shock to the system. Perishably so, maybe.
Noctis nodded seriously. “…Got it.”
He was happy Ardyn told him the truth. Although, by this point, Noctis wondered if they’d ever be able to really lie to each other again. After saving each other’s lives several times over. Sharing the past, present, and future as they did.
Most likely, they were leaving all the lies behind in London.
Noctis was happy to be rid of them.
————————————
Their arrival in Victoria was…was…well. Impossible to describe.
Noctis stood gaping at the city of Bendigo. It was almost as grand as London! Tall buildings, caravans transporting hordes of people to and fro, markets and sellers. People in suits and dresses—this was a place where people truly lived. Noctis was completely floored. He had thought London was the heart of the world, the only place where civilized people reigned. But here….there were hundreds—probably thousands!—of people as well! Unconcerned with the daily gossip that littered the streets of Knightsbridge and Rotten Row.
Living their own lives.
Noctis was mesmerized. He wanted to have what these people had. Choices. Decisions made on a daily basis of how you wanted to live your life! How to survive, chiefly. Clearly many of the people here were laborers or farmers.
As the four of them boarded a caravan for the outback, Noctis kept his eyes glued on their surroundings. He wanted to watch the city give way to wildlife. The buildings fade into short grass and scattered trees. Mountains in the distance. Reddish brown dirt and shrubs.
Endless. The Australian wilderness was utterly endless.
“Do you like it, my dear?” Ardyn whispered as they encroached upon his ranch.
“….yeah.” Noctis turned to look at him. “It’s incredible.”
____________________________________________
Several miles outside of Bendigo
17 September 1857
Monday - Morning
While Ardyn and Caligo were away, they had entrusted their ranch houses to their closest friends. These men were all acquaintances from New South Wales. They assured Ardyn and Caligo that the ranches were still intact. But the food had all spoiled, of course, and their cupboards were bare. They also warned about any stray ‘dingos’ or ‘wallabies’ that might have taken up roost.
As the caravan dropped them off outside Ardyn’s ranch in the mid-September daylight, Noctis felt a sense of harsh realism overtake him. This house…it was hardly more than a couple of red-painted wooden planks strewn together. A slapdash roof of metal sheeting over the top. A brick chimney on the outside that did not match the decor. A run down barn around the back. Devoid of any farm or stable equipment. A dusty porch covered in a layer of dirt from being unswept for several years.
…It was perfect.
The house was bursting with Ardyn’s aura. It felt like him. This was his. Carelessly construed and yet somehow impossibly sturdy. Rugged. Free. A lone piece of civilization surrounded on all sides by nature—a wilderness as desolate as it was thriving. A contradiction. Waiting to be lived in.
This place was Ardyn. Down to a science.
“Stay here,” Ardyn warned, forging ahead to inspect the inside of his house. “I might have to chase out some unfortunate squatters.”
Noctis clasped Aranea’s hand as they waited for Ardyn to come back. Caligo walked up the hill to his own house, ready to do much the same. They lived within walking distance of each other, but from here Caligo’s house looked like a grayish dot on a hill. The distance between things was hard to discern in the outback, Noctis realized. Since there were no relative points. Caligo’s house was…over there. Next to that…curly tree? Past that third patch of brown grass? Hard to accurately measure, obviously.
“Out with you. Out! Now, don’t be greedy. You’ve stayed here long enough.”
A thin four-legged creature emerged from the front door of Ardyn’s ranch. It had a long snout like a dog, but it was far too tall for anything tame. And it had an interesting array of spots along its rump. Ardyn was herding it—along with two or three pups—out of his house.
“Ah, dingos,” he exclaimed, watching the wild dogs trot off into the distance. “They’ll make their home anywhere. The mystery of life!”
Ardyn stretched languidly. He did not seem upset or agitated by the animals—in fact, he seemed relaxed in the extreme, happy to be home. But he was also tiptoeing around the…less attractive parts of life in the bush. Not wanting to put Noctis off for any reason.
Aranea scrunched her nose in distaste. She shook out her leg, attempting to rid it of any dust. To no avail. “So, I’m guessing this is the luxury treatment…” she sniped.
Ardyn scratched his head and laughed. “Why, we can make it better I think!” He retrieved a broom from inside and quickly swept his porch. Flinging dirt into the surrounding wild. Then he laid down the carpet he pilfered from Engheld, right in the doorway. It’s Georgian floral pattern did not match the rugged ranch in the slightest, but. It looked…nice.
Bowing at the waist, Ardyn threw the door open for them. “Welcome to my humble abode, Miss Gainsborough. Miss Highwind. Please. Won’t you come in?”
Viola giggled happily. She took Ardyn’s hand in the doorway and curtsied in her trousers. “With pleasure, sir.”
The inside of the ranch was filthy. Excrement from the dingos and other remnants of wildlife littered the corners. The bedsheets needed a good washing (probably several). Ardyn’s acquaintances had ensured that no other settlers laid claim to the place. But they had not even tried to keep the place livable.
That was entirely up to Ardyn and Viola now.
She was fine with this. Of course, she had never worked a hard day of physical labor in her life. Not so much as hand washed one single cravat. But. The prospect of cleaning this place out and making it their home…it excited her. She was invigorated with the promise of a place they could call theirs. Well and truly. No one else’s. No lies or artifice. Just theirs.
“Let’s get to work, then.”
Ardyn and Aranea exchanged surprised glances as the former son of Lord Caelum picked up a broom and began sweeping in earnest.
The world down under Australia was called. More like the world turned upside down.
For now, in all the right ways.
_________________________________
Several miles outside of Bendigo
24 October 1857
Wednesday - Morning
“Why don’t you keep animals?” Viola asked one day.
Caligo laughed at that. “Bluey said the same thing when he first saw this place.” He stuck a piece of jerky in his mouth. “No good reason, I guess. Just. Wouldn’t know how to handle them.”
Viola considered that. She was naturally inclined to disagree.
———————-
They had finally settled their new home. The floors were as clean as they could get them. The bedrooms were neat. The fireplace worked quite well now. They lived off the nature. Everything they needed they got from the outback itself. When they needed to eat, Ardyn picked up his rifle and shot down food for their meals. When they needed firewood, Ardyn picked up his axe, cut down a sapling and chopped it into kindling.
Caligo taught them how to clean an animal’s carcass and use it for meat. From there, Aranea figured out how to work the ovens. Now she was teaching Viola how to cook. It was a very useful skill.
These days, Aranea chose to spend much of her time in town. She did not love the wilderness the way Viola did—Viola’s Sussex blood reveled in the open air—nor did she care for the idleness the way Ardyn did—unhurried by modern struggles. Aranea was currently staying with them at the ranch, but she was looking for her own lodgings in Bendigo. Sometimes Viola went with her into town. They perused the shops for Victoria’s latest fashions
Parasols were all the rage. Viola bought a lacy one for herself but hardly ever used it. She had left London’s dreadful fog behind! Now she wanted to bask in the sun.
As soon as their ranch became livable, Viola made the decision to live as a woman. Full-time. Her hair was long enough now that it could be styled into a hat or a bonnet. She had brought her linen dress and the purple dress from London. Beyond that, she was more than willing to buy outfits from the local stores in Victoria. To fit in with all the other women here. Pioneer clothing was a little simpler to put on. No cage crinoline, no corsets. Viola could put it on without Aranea’s assistance (which was becoming more and more a reality).
This was their dream. Noctis’s. Viola’s. To live as a modern woman. No one knew her as Noctis here. No. The best part? Ardyn introduced Viola to his friends as his wife.
“You got hitched in London, Bluey?” One of Ardyn’s friends, a Scottish man with a portly belly named Peter, asked. “Ain’t that a shock!”
“Can’t say as I saw it coming either,” another friend said, elbowing Ardyn shamelessly. The man’s name was William. He was a black man with a Cockney accent who seemed several years Ardyn’s junior.
William turned to Viola. “You sure you want this one, love?” He giggled. “Plenty of other fish in the sea, ain’t there? Some a bit younger I reckon!”
They all laughed at that. Viola thought it was a mean-spirited joke, making fun of their age difference, but apparently not. That was just the kind of humor these men shared. And Ardyn laughed in good nature.
“Bet you’re locking your doors at night, Bluey,” Peter teased. “Making sure your pretty wife ain’t trying to run off on you.”
Grinning wickedly, Ardyn shook his head. “My doors are always open, I’m afraid. Though, keep in mind gentlemen, that is not an invitation.”
They howled at such an implication.
Viola giggled as well. Men were not nearly as delicate around women out here. That aside, they seemed completely unsuspicious of Viola’s claim to be a woman.
She passed. They passed. It was marvelous.
“I’m your wife now?” Viola asked Ardyn one day. She wasn’t angered at all that Ardyn had chosen to call her such, even though he hadn’t asked first. “When did that happen?”
“Hmm?” Ardyn raised an eyebrow, pulling Viola into a hug. Their hugs were laden with sweat and grim these days. A natural side effect of living in nature. It was wonderful. “You sound as though this is a new development.”
“Isn’t it?” Viola wrapped her arms around Ardyn’s neck, bending into the embrace. “I don’t remember reciting any vows in London.”
Ardyn chuckled darkly. “You may not have committed to me in a church, my love, but I do recall laying claim to your maidenhood. Many, many times over.”
Laughing—thrilled at the idea, fucking crazy, but she loved it—Viola kissed Ardyn’s chapped lips. Hers were just as chapped. “Oh so that’s the same as the holy rite of matrimony, is it?”
“I believe so, yes.” Ardyn kissed her knuckles patronizingly. Eyes wild with joy.
“Very well then.” Viola hiked up her skirts and wrapped one leg around Ardyn’s waist. “It’s time we renewed our vows, I think. Just to make sure.”
“Nightly, my dear?”
“Yes. At least.”
Ardyn threw his head back and stared mistily at the ceiling of their ranch. “Oh, Viola darling. You will be the very death of me. I am but one man, after all. How can I handle such dire needs at every hour of the day…?”
“Tch.” Viola pulled him into a kiss. She could feel how hard he was, even though they had already made love once that morning. “I think you’ll manage.”
“I shall have to.” Lifting her by the waist, Ardyn carried his bride to their marriage bed. “My wife commands it.”
It was a simple matter of words, really. ‘Woman.’ ‘Pretty.’ ‘Young lady.’ ‘Wife.’ Viola had not changed physically from her time in London until now. But. Those words made all the difference. They were everything.
Ardyn’s love. Freely given. Naming her as she wanted to be named.
It was everything.
____________________________________
The Ranch
1857
When life in Victoria settled into a natural rhythm, Viola began writing letters. She wrote to Ignis first. Addressing to the servants quarters in the Citadel. She did not know if Ignis was still living there, and her anxiety about her valet’s fate made her hands sweat as she held the pen. What if Ignis had been thrown in jail in her stead…? What if he was in dire straits, cast into ruin by Regis? What if…?
But the only way to know was to write him. To let him write her back. To open the doors to the truth and see what happened.
So she did. She wrote a three page letter and told Ignis everything. Their journey every step of the way.
And of course, she signed it in her new hand. The hand Ardyn had taught her to use. Her name: ‘Viola Gainsborough Izunia.’
(Another way to say her name? ‘Noctis Lucis Caelum.’ It had a certain ring to it, but. Better to go by Viola’s full name when she was addressing letters to the Citadel.)
She also wrote to Lunafreya. She thanked her so much for her help that day at the boat race, she wanted Luna to know that it had not gone unnoticed. Not at all. She apologized profusely for putting Luna in that awkward spot. Surely not just once but many times after that. Then she told Luna about herself.
She tried to explain how it was. Being Viola. The fact that Viola had always existed inside their heart, but it wasn’t until Noctis experimented with his tastes that he finally acknowledged her. And once she was acknowledged she could not be silenced. She had existed since they were children. And being Viola was like taking a breath after being underwater for too long. A ring of clarity. Of sanity. A cease to the endless unhappiness and itchiness Noctis felt every day of his life. They didn’t need to challenge anyone when they were Viola. To break every rule. All they needed to do was live.
And living was indeed its own challenge.
When they were finished writing to Luna, Viola sat down and wrote to Prompto. They apologized again. They told Prompto they loved him. And they gave Prompto their blessing—more like, a kick in the ass—to court Luna seriously. Since he obviously wanted to. And Luna did not have her prospects in order to begin with now that Noctis was out of the picture. Besides, Viola did not believe Prompto’s relationship with Cindy would last very much longer. She seemed to prefer the company of women. And that was a life she should pursue in its own right. Which meant Prompto needed to find happiness of his own.
Viola knew how happy Prompto would be with Luna. They also knew how happy he could make Luna. It was a wonderful match.
But they could only express their feelings in writing.
They also explained to Prompto that they had taken in a few horses. Viola planned to raise them and eventually breed them. She wanted the ranch’s farm to become useful. A place to raise horses, perhaps a place where people would come to buy and trade horses. A horse farm. Loving and profitable.
Ardyn loved the idea. As did Caligo. They promised to help however they could. (Right now, their income came from whatever odd jobs Ardyn took on and the remaining artifacts they sold.) Ardyn said he had a few connections with farmers around the bush. So. They took on a few Thoroughbreds.
Viola explained to Prompto that she named all the horses. Every single one that passed through the gate of their stable. She wanted to treat them all like creatures with their own personalities. It was her belief that horses could be treated as such. And her Sussex grandparents would surely have approved.
Or so she hoped. She asked after Quartz as well, but didn’t much want to hear the story if it was not a happy one. She missed the stallion quite a bit. Hopefully Regis was putting his animals to good use.
Viola considered writing a letter to Daniel Threshton and Evelyn Beasly. She wanted to congratulate them still, after all. But she did not want her contact with them to turn them into a pariah. Especially since she did not know…how they felt about the entire situation. Now that Noctis’s identity had been revealed.
In the end, it felt rude not to send some kind of word. So Viola wrote them both identical letters. They read: “Congratulations on your recent courtship. You have my sincerest wishes. Be happy. Yours, Viola Gainsborough.”
Good enough.
She debated for a moment whether or not to write Regis. Should she tell her father where she was? Assuage any worries he might have for their welfare? It was the right thing to do, as a son. But…
…She remembered the last words they shared. ‘Just go then.’ Regis was not looking for her. And if he was, it was to bind her in a sack and carry her back to the Alps. Except, she felt in a way that Regis was past the point where he even cared enough to do that.
He had washed his hands of them.
So…no letter was needed, then. That was fine. Viola’s contacts in London were the people she could rely on. That was enough.
Now she would have to wait for their replies.
___________________________________________________
The Ranch
1858
The first reply Viola received was from Lunafreya. Peter delivered the letters from the postoffice in town, as he always did for Ardyn.
She opened the letter with shaking hands. The bedroom was the only place she could read such a letter. Sitting on her bed and pouring over every word from Luna.
It read:
Dearest Viola,
To begin, thank you. Thank you so very much. Your letter brought me the greatest relief. I hope you believe me when I say that I think of you often. Nearly every day in fact! Although it’s been nearly a year since your disappearance, I have always wondered exactly where you went off to. If you are happy.
And now I read that you are. This pleases me in the extreme. I am astounded, naturally (Australia, my dear! How dangerous and exciting!). But so very pleased for you!
That day at the boat race. Well, I suppose we should talk about it. Except…I don’t want you to feel any guilt whatsoever. Not even a small bit, do you hear me? I see now that you were living a double life. Laden with secrets you did not think you could share with anyone. Shrouding yourself in mystery to protect the life you wanted to live. I understand why. Prompto tells me he knew, though, which I admit does cut a little. You could have come to me with the truth. I would have given you whatever support possible…although, thinking about it rationally, I have no idea what I could have offered you. At the time you were learning these truths about yourself, I was also fraught with my own troubles. Struggles that I too thought I could share with no one.
I will share them with you now.
I never wanted to marry. That is the Lord’s honest truth. I told myself for years that marriage was the best path I could take. The way to an easy, simple life. But. As I met suitor after suitor—including you, my dear—I realized that I am…unfit to marry anyone. I don’t know if unfit is the right word. I still struggle putting words to the predicament I find myself in. My heart does not wish to wed. I am fully capable of it. But instead I want to meet new people. I want to see the ins and outs of this world. Ways of life I never thought possible. People—in all varieties—excite me more than any prospect ever could! And I have since gone down a path completely foreign even to myself.
I met and fell in love with a woman. I’m sure you know this already, but. I need to write it down. The words themselves are a type of freedom. Cindy and I met at the Eckhart’s ball. We carried on an affair for some time afterwards. One that continues to this day. She has shown me…marvelous things. She is content to wear men’s clothes in her spare time. Sometimes she encourages me to do the same! Not often, but. Trousers are a good bit of fun! Quite comfortable and practical. I’m not the same as Cindy, but she can persuade me into breeches when the mood is right.
I am also in love with a dashing young man. You know him well enough. Prompto, of course. He’s so charming, so wonderful. He discovered Cindy and myself one night when we were together and he…well. He has become an integral part of what we have. He’s gentle and kind with me, like no man has ever been. He considers my feelings (and Cindy’s feelings) above all else. He is a paragon for mankind, I believe. I adore him.
Of course I understand how you would be completely baffled by this. Being in love with two people at once. I don’t understand it myself! Perhaps it is against the laws of nature and everything decent, but. It doesn’t feel that way to me. To me it feels wonderful. Sharing a relationship between three people. It’s pure and good. Please believe that. I…have a feeling you might understand. And if you don’t then I beg you not to judge me or Prompto or Cindy too harshly. We are people who want to find peace in the world just as anyone might.
As for your own predicament. I hope it doesn’t sound strange, but I was not overly shocked when you explained your true feelings. They made quite a bit of sense to me.
When we were children playing in the forest near my chateau (do you remember?), we would often play one game in particular. I don’t know if you remember. You could barely walk at the time. But your eyes were so lively. And your love for this game was so palpable that I could feel it every time we played. We would wander the meadow and pretend to be wood nymphs. Do you recall this at all? We would thread flowers in our hair and walk about throwing flower petals here and there. Pretending to spread the good will of nature. My favorite part was climbing the trees and throwing down leaves to you, leaves that had been touched by sunlight. Since you could not climb yourself.
But your favorite part, my dear, was weaving the flowers into my hair. I showed you how to tie a braid and, well. That was it. All you wanted to do was thread flowers into my hair and call me the queen of the forest.
Once I asked you: If I was the queen, would you like to be the princess? Your eyes lit up and you nodded. So pure and happy.
Not long after that your father took you back to London. You were healed enough. When you returned to France the following summer, we were too old for such childish things. But I never forgot that game. Not even now as a young woman. I remember so vividly those charming afternoons in the forest. Even though I was a child—or perhaps, because I was a child—I had a feeling that I was playing with another little girl. Almost like a sister. Or one of the other little girls at my boarding school. I saw you that way for a long time. When we exchanged letters through the years, I looked for this little girl. Sometimes I found her. In your words, or on your face. But I never mentioned this to you because I thought it was strange. And I did not want to be insulting!
Now, though, after everything that’s come to pass. I hope you take comfort in my silly memories. I hope you understand that Viola is an old friend of mine. And I would very much like to meet her in person, again, some day soon. So that we can laugh together like we did as children—now as young women! There is more I’d like to share with you, so much more I want to hear about your experience (and your man! I know nothing of this Mr. Izunia!). But letters are not the proper place to speak of such things. So I will have to wait until we can be reunited, either on your shores or mine.
I hope this letter finds you safe. Take care, dearest Viola, and do write to me if you can find the time. I’d love to correspond as we used to.
Yours forever,
Luna
By the time she was finished reading, Viola was crying openly. Luna’s words touched her heart. Of course she remembered that embarrassing game they had played in the forests of the French countryside; she thought that Luna had forgotten! In fact for a long time she hoped Luna had. It was so weird, right? But to hear that Luna not only remembered, but cherished the memories. That she had seen Viola long ago. That she knew her. Accepted her. Wanted to be friends in this new light.
Tears ran down Viola’s face. She raced to her writing desk and picked up a pen to answer Luna right away.
Dearest Luna,
I love you. You are like a sister to me and I cherish what we’ve had together, now and forever…
Okay this letter was starting to ramble already. Viola put down the pen and figured she’d better get herself together first. Do some drafts. Her words were extremely important right now and she needed to make sense. Luna deserved at least some coherency. (Coherency was not their strong point, admittedly.)
Beyond that, she was thrilled to hear they were all in a relationship together! Love divided amongst three people. It was quite a modern idea, wasn’t it? But it must be fun. Viola did not think it was so hard to imagine.
She just hoped Prompto was able to keep up with Luna’s expectations for him. Two women to satisfy. He needed to work on his stamina, didn’t he?
Hmm. Some day she hoped to see Luna and Prompto again. Maybe they could work on their stamina together. Ardyn certainly had much he could teach Prompto in that way, didn’t he?
These were fantastical notions. But they were entertaining.
——————————-
The next reply came from Ignis.
Madam Gainsborough Izunia,
I rejoiced upon receiving your letter. Gladiolus sent it to me forthwith. You see I have taken up lodgings outside the Citadel. I now live in Brompton, near the docks. It’s the most I can afford on my severance pay. Yes, I should explain more about that, of course. But first:
My dear, it sounds like you’ve struggled horribly! I wish I could have planned the specifics a little better, especially the transition once you got to Spain. But that night I was so pressed for time it did not even factor into my plans how long it would take for the next ship to Australia to arrive in San Sebastian. Forgive me.
Beyond that, it sounds as if you’ve settled into your new life rather well. Dingos, you say? Knowing nothing of these wild dogs, I did some research at the local library. My word, they sound frightening. Do be careful, won’t you? I also read about kangaroos. Apparently they are quite vicious! If you happen to encounter one in the wilds, try to back away slowly. If they attack they are capable of disabling a grown man with one kick of their legs. I also learned quite a bit about the variety of spiders native to the Victorian bush…worrying, in a word. I attached a recipe for anti-venom that I suggest you whip up straight away. Write me with any questions. I brewed some here but I cannot test its efficiency without a proper subject. Hopefully we’ll never have to use it.
How fares Miss Highwind? Is she in good spirits? I can’t imagine the wilderness agrees with her very much. But Bendigo sounds like a lovely city. She will no doubt find a place for herself among the locals, if she hasn’t already!
And Ardyn? Is he quite well? I hope he has not encountered any of his dizzy spells recently. Perhaps the Australian air does him good. If not, I attached another recipe for a type of tea the local horticulturist gave me to cure dizziness. Ardyn seems to go into a sort of fugue state—at the worst of times, frankly—and perhaps this tea can help bring him out safely. If your kindness and charm (and patience, I’ll add) should ever fail, madam.
I pray for Mr. Ulldor’s whereabouts as well. He seems like he would be quite accustomed to the wilderness. Is he taking care of himself, though? He seems just a bit too comfortable eating steak sandwiches and drinking dark liquor all the day long. This can’t be good for a man’s health. Tell him a green leafed vegetable might do him good, if he can find any! Tonic water, too. He should temper his alcohol intake with tonic water. Three fifths of a finger of tonic and he won’t even realize the difference. Inform him of this, won’t you?
Now for the details of my life.
After you left, I returned to my post in the Citadel as if nonethewiser of anything. Regis ordered me to report to him every morning for a litany of duties. Since you were absent, I needed to earn my keep somehow. He did not ask me if I knew about your whereabouts. I suspect he knew that I did.
But of course I never shared anything with him.
The police came to the Citadel a few times in the weeks after the boat race. Dreadful affair for his lordship. I was questioned. Actually they seemed chiefly concerned with Ardyn’s whereabouts. Since I was your valet, they asked me if you had told me anything about him. I lied and said I heard Ardyn often spoke of a getaway in Serbia. That he had friends among the Black Hand there. They wrote it all down but I don’t know if they believed me. It’s a fascinating story, though! Lo and behold I saw it printed in the papers the next day. I would have saved the headline for Ardyn—he would have enjoyed it I’m sure—except that would have been rather suspicious.
Imagine that. Ardyn Lucis with ties to the Serbian underworld. His legend lives on. Be sure to tell him. It might put him in good spirits.
Other than my few encounters with the police, the commotion of your departure died down within a few months.
Once, in August of last year, Regis asked me if I knew where you were. His voice was cold, not curious. Matter of fact. Sipping tea, as usual. I said I did not (this was also true, since your first letter arrived in December, so I did not technically know where in the world you had ended up). He sort of grunted at me and then dropped the matter entirely.
That’s all we ever spoke of it.
In October, when it became clear you were not returning any time soon, Lord Regis informed me that my position as a valet on his estate was no longer required. He offered me six months severance pay and told me to move out of the servant’s quarters within a week.
I admit I once had great respect for Lord Regis. I considered him a master worthy of committing my life to. I coveted my job in the Citadel, not only because I could work alongside you but because I could work for a family as upstanding and exemplary as the Caelums. I must also admit that I lost quite a lot of respect for Regis after he ordered me to cut your hair against your wishes. In fact, I would say I hardly saw him as my master after that. So, my dismissal came with very little sense of despair, or even disappointment. Just an air of finality.
My uncle helped me secure my current lodgings in Brompton. I have gotten many offers from noble families asking to take me on as a valet, but I have turned them all down. I do not wish to be bound to a family just yet. Instead I have taken some part-time work as a manservant for a few men here and there. It pays the bills.
That’s all I can tell you, I’m afraid.
If you are ready for me, please. Tell me and I will drop everything at once and hasten to Victoria. My life here is nothing so extravagant that I would miss. My only wish is to join you, madam, whenever we can arrange it.
In the meantime, please write to me as often as you can. Your words temper the monotony of London as it exists without your presence.
Sincerely,
Ignis Scientia
Viola reread Ignis’s letter several times. She thought the story he had told to the police was hilarious. Ardyn would definitely think so too. She tried not to linger too much on her father’s coldness. The way he only asked once if Ignis knew where Noctis might be. Once. Uninterested. Just because perhaps he felt like he needed to. Out of fatherly duty or something.
The pain Viola harbored from her father’s spurning had scabbed over into anger. Resentment. Regis could pretend all he liked that he never had a son, or a daughter or anything! But it didn’t change the truth!
She was real. She lived. She breathed. He had seen her. He’d seen her! Regis could try to forget the memory of her but it didn’t make her any less valid. Any less of a person.
She told this to herself again and again.
Regis aside, Ignis’s letter came with great news. Ignis was ready to come live with them! She wrote him immediately and urged him to come as soon as he could. She would meet him in Reedy Harbor and take him to the ranch.
She could not wait for Ignis to see it.
——————————-
Last came Prompto’s reply.
Hey,
Wow, I have to say. I really didn’t expect your letter! I thought you’d up and left us for good. But when I saw the name at the bottom and realized it was from you…damn, I am so freaking glad to hear from you!
So! Australia, huh? Makes sense! I guess I’m not too surprised to hear that Ardyn is actually an ex-convict. It…fits, kind of? Not that I’ve ever met the guy or anything, but. Just from what you’ve told me about him. I’m going to ignore all the stories going around about Ardyn Lucis. Some of them are really not great. But I’m just going to pretend I haven’t heard a thing and save all my judgements for when I meet him in person.
Because I am meeting him, right? We’re getting together soon? We have to! I need to see you. I talked to Luna about this and she’s fine going to Australia to visit so. Any time you want us there, we’ll be there. Okay? I’d really love to talk to you. Face to face. Like old times.
I miss you so much.
At first things were okay. There were all kinds of rumors going around about you, but it was nothing I didn’t already know. When those died down I thought everything would go back to normal. Same old, you know? But I was so wrong! Not having you around—knowing that I can’t come see you whenever I want, no matter what’s going on with us—it’s…crazy. It drives me nuts! There’s so much I have to tell you. And there’s no one here who understands like you do. I miss my best friend!
So yeah. Getting your letter might have made my day a little bit. Even my week. Or my month. Or…you get the idea.
Thanks for giving me your blessing to court Luna. But to be honest? I don’t think Luna wants to get married! She told me she wrote you about this thing we have, the three of us. Me, her, and Cindy. Things are good the way we have them right now. Cindy shows up and leaves again whenever she likes. Nothing new there. Luna and I have become pretty close actually. But I would never want to pressure her into getting married. Especially if that’s not something she sees in the future for herself, you know?
I guess we all have a lot of things to figure out. We’re not ready, I think. But I mean…it’s not like I haven’t thought about it, you know? Marrying Luna. It’d be like a fucking dream! Crazy and awesome and…even though it might not make any sense I still can’t help dreaming about it.
This is why I need to see you, dude. None of this makes any sense when I write it down. You’re the only person I know who might have any idea what I’m talking about…and you’re on the other side of the world! It’s so unfair.
But, let’s forget about me for a second.
It sounds like your life in Australia is going really good! I’m so glad! Yeah, raising horses sounds exactly like your kind of thing. I honestly haven’t been to the estate so I don’t know how Quartz is doing. But I’m sure the horses you’re meeting in Victoria (and the bush, I guess, are any of these horses from the wild? That’d be insane!) are lucky to have you as a keeper. By the way, that’s another thing I miss: Going riding with you. We had some really good times doing that, didn’t we? Rotten Row is totally not the same without you.
It’s hard for me to imagine what the ranch is like. Are you really in the middle of nowhere? Aren’t there wild animals all around? Is that even safe? I know you said Ardyn knows how to shoot, but…please, be careful, okay? Dingos at night…I don’t know about that!
Write me some more soon, okay? Talking to you is the closest thing I have to sanity, I think!
—Your buddy Prompto
Then there was an entirely separate page attached to the back.
P.S. Okay so. I fought with myself for a long time about whether or not to tell you this. At first I thought I wouldn’t even mention it, you’ve got enough on your mind. But then I left it for a few days and well…I feel like you have a right to know.
Not that you need to do anything about it. That’s not on you at all. I’m not here to guilt or judge or anything. I just want to make sure you have all the facts.
Because shit man. I have to sleep at night too.
Anyway. I saw your dad the other day. Regis. We were at the Tummult’s house, me and Luna. I was escorting her actually (because you know, we sort of do that sometimes). Balls are finished for the Season so this was just like a kind of post-season get together. Relaxed, or as relaxed as Tummult’s ever gets anyway. We were just walking around talking. Chatting. Drinking a little bit.
And then I saw Regis. He was standing in front of the small fireplace in the smoking room after dinner (I hadn’t seen him at dinner because we were sitting on opposite sides of the table). He was drinking. Looked like brandy. That was the first weird thing, I mean Regis never drank before, right? I thought you said he was a complete teetotaler. That he took tea every time someone offered him anything stronger. And as far as I remember, that was the first time I ever saw him with a glass of brandy in his hand.
The other thing that was weird was that he was by himself. Normally Regis is surrounded by people. Friends and lords or whatever. But he was just standing there drinking.
I kind of thought about going over and saying something. Like hello or whatever. Don’t be mad at me, okay? It’s just…he looked so alone. I’d never seen him without his friends. I thought maybe people were ignoring him. Or else, he was ignoring other people. Either way I…well, I grew up with him too, you know? He was like an uncle to me when we were kids. Or a second dad. I don’t even know.
But I know things ended badly between you guys. So I stood there like completely unsure what to do.
Then all of a sudden he turned around and looked at me. I don’t know if he saw my reflection in mantlepiece of if he was just naturally looking behind him…but. He stared right at me.
Believe me when I tell you that Regis looked like shit. He’s lost a lot of weight. He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked really pale. Like maybe he’s been sick or not sleeping or something. Also he…like tottered on his feet for a second. I think he might have been drunk (I know, I know it’s impossible to believe that your dad might have been actually drunk in public of all places, but I saw what I saw).
When he saw me he froze for a second. Then he said like, “Oh…”
I said hi. He didn’t say anything back. He just stared at me. Swaying a little on his feet. I kept thinking of some way to start a conversation, but. He was scaring me a little. Just staring like that.
So I turned tail. Said goodbye and walked right out of the smoking room without looking back. Yeah, I know. I’m a coward. But it was just too weird! I hadn’t seen Regis since before you left and I’d never planned what I would say to him. Plus I never expected to find him like that. So different, you know?
He’s changed. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but. I just thought I’d tell you. Since I was a little worried when I saw him.
Okay, that’s it. Again, you don’t have to do anything about it. Totally not your problem. But in case you were wondering, that’s what’s going on.
Once again, your buddy,
—Prompto
Viola put down Prompto’s letter with a disbelieving shake of her head. She was assaulted by mixed feelings. On the one hand, she was unfairly happy (and a little relieved) to hear that Prompto missed her. She hadn’t thought he would, considering the way she signed her letter. A different identity. A permanent one. And yes, Prompto hadn’t referred to her as ‘Viola’ once in the entire letter. But he still acknowledged her existence. Especially as part of Noctis. He had not chosen to cut Noctis out of his life. Instead he was transferring over his friendship with Noctis to Viola. In a semi-awkward way. But that was fine!
It healed the doubt in her heart that Prompto had moved on without her. She would definitely write to him again in the near future.
Then there was everything going on with Regis. Drinking alone at Tummult’s? How could that be true? Viola wasn’t even sure she entirely believed it! Not that Prompto would lie, but…had he seen correctly? It sounded impossible! Regis didn’t drink and he didn’t waste ample socializing time standing by himself. Nonetheless…drunk? Noctis literally could not imagine that!
Supposing it was true, when had Regis…fallen on times such as that? What happened? There was no urgent news about the estate going to ruin. Surely Regis would gift the estate to some distant relative or a friend or something. He did not lack for those. Other than a bit of shame, Regis was in no real danger. Social or monetary.
So then…?
A small spark of love for the man who used to be her father ignited in Viola’s heart. That same place she thought dead the night they departed.
Maybe it wasn’t so dead after all.
…But no. Viola shook her head. No, fuck it. Regis was fine. He had all his things. His life was in order, exactly as he liked it. He’d made it clear to Noctis and Ignis that he didn’t care about his son’s whereabouts. He hadn’t thought to ask Prompto either, just stood there all awkward and shit! So no. None of that was Viola’s problem.
Regis could live his life however he liked. She wouldn’t be the one to stop him. In fact, she would continue on exactly as she was. Doing the same. Living.
In the end, anger burned away that small spark of affection. As it would for years to come. They needed more time. Both of them. Time; that great healer of wounds.
Viola planned to use her time wisely.
____________________________________________
The Ranch
April 1858
A year after their arrival in Victoria, Ardyn could say he was actually very pleased with the way things had turned out. Sure. Life did not necessarily proceed as planned. For example, did Ardyn plan on taking back a noblewoman, calling her his wife and then raising a stable of horses with her? No. No, that was not explicitly in the plan. You might say.
But he regretted nothing. Not one single bit of it. Going to London, though spur of the moment, had changed Ardyn’s life for the better. Completely and utterly. Even his friends from prison acknowledged that Ardyn seemed like a new man.
They all assured him many times over that they knew the reason why. A pretty young noblewoman giving him rides for free every night? Might change any man’s disposition, wouldn’t it?
Ardyn offered no other pretense as explanation. He was proud of the way Viola had changed him. He had never expected…yes, he’d never expected to fall in love again. To find meaning in another person the way he had so long ago. Love was dangerous and frightening. He must be mad to sign up for another round of it!
But how could he resist? Viola was everything. Her black hair, grown down to her elbows now. Gorgeous. Her crystalline blue eyes. Captivating and smart. He loved her to death. And Noctis too. That shy boy inside of her who reared his head every now and them. Ardyn wouldn’t trade them for the world.
He would fight to his death to keep them safe. And if, god forbid, he ever lost them….he would…he would….
Why. Why couldn’t he think of love without also thinking of loss?
It tormented him sometimes. The fear of losing her. But he tried not to think about it. To take advantage of the time he had with her. Every moment. His head was much clearer in the outback than it had been in London. Ardyn never fell into those dark days of depression like he used to in Engheld. Or, hardly ever, anyway. It was much rarer.
Viola’s presence made it difficult to mourn. She ushered fresh vibrance into his old ranch. The place Ardyn had bought to wait out the rest of his lifespan checking off days on a calendar. Her presence chased away the angry, desperate parts of Ardyn. The darkest parts of the ranch itself.
And the horses made a nuisance of themselves sometimes! Impossible to lose oneself in despair with so many horses running about. Ardyn pretended not to like the horses at first, but. Viola cared for them so much. Like they were her own children. How could he turn his heart from such things? The mares and stallions won him over eventually.
“It’s nice having her around, ain’t it?” Caligo said to Ardyn one day. Referring to Viola.
“Oh yes.” Ardyn would never take her for granted. “Very nice indeed.”
He was about to launch into a diatribe about how Caligo might find himself a wife. Or at least a lover (he knew from their days in New South Wales that Caligo was amenable to men as well as women; they all were when the lights went out back then). Or at least a pet. A dog or something. Some kind of creature that could keep Caligo company up on that lonesome hill of his—
But Caligo interrupted Ardyn’s thoughts. “I’m glad you have her, Bluey. Does you good. More than you know, I reckon.”
These were uncommonly serious thoughts from Caligo. Heartfelt. When he looked at Ardyn, his eyes shone with a stoniness Ardyn had not seen since the days when they first met. This was Caligo’s clarity—his true self. The part he hardly showed to anyone these days.
“…I know. I agree.” Ardyn stared at their roaring fire place and nodded. He wouldn’t argue the point. Caligo was right.
“Keep it that way, yeah? Keep this one. Close, like.”
Now that was just unheard of. Caligo giving love advice! Ardyn had to comment. “I’ve never heard you so keen on telling other people what they need, Jim. What’s brought this on?”
“Hnnh.” Caligo sniffed hard. Rubbed his nose on the back of his hand. Entirely serious. “Been with you a while, ain’t I?”
“Yes. Naturally.”
“Well.” Caligo’s eyes pierced Ardyn to the core. “We both know where ya been, Bluey. You mourned him too long. Zoo I mean. You carried that pain far longer than Zoo ever would’ve wanted ya to.”
Ardyn closed his eyes. It was true, wasn’t it?
He spent too much of his life nurturing that despair. The blackness. The hatred. The anger at the world. Ardyn mourned Izunia for more than fifteen years. He refused to let it go. That…might have been his mistake. Clutching his sadness like some bizarre treasure. As if holding onto his grief would keep Izunia alive in some way.
But. He had been wrong. Now that Viola was in his life, Ardyn realized that he had been doing it all wrong. Rehashing his grief for Izunia and his bitterness over the world’s turning was folly. It was not the way he should try to honor the man’s memory. Izunia loved life. He liked eating, good sex, using his body to its fullest extent, making friends. Laughing. Drinking. Looking out for the people he cared about. Striving to better himself. He’d had dreams. He’d wanted to own property some day. Now Ardyn was living that dream and he…couldn’t even enjoy it.
No. That was wrong. Izunia would never condone Ardyn’s continued grief. That kind of life. A man clutching at shadows and ghosts. Izunia would want Ardyn to enjoy every moment. To be his best self.
“He would have liked her, I think,” Caligo commented. “Zoo would have taken the piss outta your woman. Make no mistake. But he’d of liked her too. End of the day and all.”
“Heh.” Ardyn ran a tired hand through his wild hair. “Yeah. He probably would have.”
Fuck. That was all true, wasn’t it?
Well. Live and learn.
____________________________________
Reedy Harbor, Victoria
14 August 1858
Wednesday - Morning
Viola sifted through the crowd. Ardyn tried his best to keep up with her, she was moving so fast! Searching and searching.
That was his ship, wasn’t it? The one arrived not an hour ago! People were just beginning to disembark. Viola checked every single one of their faces. She knew she would recognize him instantly—it had been over a year since they last saw each other. The question was: Would he recognize her?
She was quite changed, after all. She wore her colonial clothes; a loose white blouse with a baggy mauve skirt. No hat or bonnet covering her head. Just long black locks all the way down her back. Viola had vowed never to cut her hair again when she landed in Victoria. And so she had not. Viola had been living as a woman for a year. She was no longer a man masquerading underneath layers of crinoline. No. She was her true self.
Would Ignis see her? Could he spot her in the crowd amongst a hundred other women, looking for their family members in this group of immigrants?
Ardyn was not worried. “Fret not, my love,” he said on the journey over. “He’ll notice you. Without a second’s hesitation I’m sure.”
Still Viola’s heart leapt in her chest. Ignis was eager to find her, of course. There was no doubt about that! They had been writing each other constantly to arrange the details of this meeting. Every stroke of Ignis’s pen reassured her that her valet still wanted to reunite. There was no question about feelings here.
But…Viola wanted to be seen. She wanted Ignis to know who she was because of the way she stood. Her bearing. Her presence. Their bond.
She didn’t want him to glance over her and have to be told…: ‘This is me. This is who I am now.’ She wanted him to know without having to ask.
“There!”
She saw Ignis strolling up along the dock. He carried only a single suitcase, dragging it beside him. Were those all his possessions in the world? They were so few…
Viola immediately wanted to go to him. To rush to his side and throw her arms around him. Drag him back to her ranch. Ignis had saved her so many times…she wanted to show him what his loyalty had helped give her. A life like this. She would not be standing here if not for Ignis.
But her own apprehension got the better of her.
Instead, Viola stood stock still. Waiting for Ignis to notice her first. This was it. The moment where he would see her or not—
His eyes passed over her. And they stopped. Those hazel eyes that saw everything—they saw her.
Tears sprang to Viola’s eyes. She stood there grinning from ear to ear and Ignis stood there, pushing up his glasses and observing what had become of his old master. His brother. His sister. His family.
Without words, they ran to each other. Viola wrapped Ignis in a bear hug unbecoming of any woman. Ignis hugged her back.
“Finally!” she cried tearily. “Took you long enough to get here, Iggy…”
“I know.” Ignis gathered her long locks in one hand and pushed them aside. Clearing his view of her face. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry!” Viola brushed tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Just come with me.”
“Gladly, madam.” Now Ignis was smiling as well. He looked ever so slightly older. Calmer. A bit tan, from the voyage no doubt.
Ardyn and Ignis greeted each other with a slap to the back and a firm handshake. There was clear gratitude in both their faces. Ignis was grateful that Ardyn had looked after Viola for so long. Kept her safe. Healthy and happy in the Australian wilderness. And Ardyn was grateful to Ignis for securing their passage. They owed each other a great deal.
And they had become friends over time. A fact which neither of them realized until right that moment. Seeing each other again after a year apart.
Friendship was a mystical thing.
————————-
Viola escorted Ignis to the front door of her ranch. “Here we are!” She gestured widely to their entire property. The horses grazing outside. Every rickety plank of the house.
Ignis stepped inside the threshold. Just one step in. He looked left. Then looked right. Then he nodded, as if the ranch itself were just what he was expecting (or else, better than what he’d feared). It was a familiar expression. The same he’d given Engheld the first time he’d laid eyes on the place.
“Very well,” Ignis announced. “Where shall I put my things?”
In the span of a moment, the ranch had become home to yet another immigrant.
At last.
Home.
The end.
