Chapter Text
It’s strange, Lexa realizes, being away from Clarke. It always was, since the feisty Brit landed in her backyard, but it’s even stranger now.
Now that they’ve crossed that line.
Now that they’ve been open and honest with each other.
Now that Clarke has heard someone call her Commander, even if she doesn’t quite know what it means. Doesn’t quite realize the weight of it.
But, last night it all shifted into something pleasant and full and real. The way the burden of Clarke’s secret lifted from her to settle more comfortably between them.
The way Clarke kissed her so tenderly at her door before disappearing inside.
That kiss carried her all the way through the night, where she miraculously fell asleep dreaming of a strange place in the future, standing and staring at the screaming sky with Clarke’s hand in hers.
Carried her all the way down to the barn, to her horse, and through the familiar path to the next town.
Carried her all through her errands.
Clarke and her soft, gentle lips. Smiling only for Lexa.
Xx
He looks shocked when she barges into the shop, eyes going wide.
“Good morning, Nyko.”
“Are my eyes working correctly, or do I see a ghost?”
She smiles and watches the tension ease from his large frame. “Did they ever work correctly?”
His laugh booms around the small room and Lexa smiles even wider, crossing in two steps only to be swept into a hug.
“I’m glad to see you, Heda. Last I heard…”
“It’s been a tough year, I’ve had to stay away… the bounty.”
“Aye,” he nods. “What brings you by? Don’t tell me you’ve missed teasing me for this beard?”
“While I have missed that,” she tugs at the long hair that extends from his chin, “I have a favor to ask of you.”
“Always with the favors.” He groans around a smile. “You can’t just drop in and expect me to cater to your whims. I’m a busy man, I have a booming business.”
“Well, I suppose I can take it to someone else.”
“I suppose you could.”
They hold each other’s gaze for a moment, the jest not fading away. She had him as soon as she walked in. She always had him. She digs around under her shirt for the small piece of metal she’s kept on the chain, close to her heart, for the past year. Once it’s freed, she holds it up for him to study. “Think you can make this into a ring for me?”
“Your key?”
“Aye.”
He takes it from her hand and holds it up to the light, “It’s in terrible shape.”
“I know. It’s seen better days.”
“Why a ring? You’ve kept it around your neck this long.”
“It’s not for me,” she blushes. The floor suddenly more interesting than anything else in the room.
His realization only works to make her cheeks burn brighter. “Oh.”
Blood rushes through her ears and she finally works up the nerve to look up and meet his eyes. The happiness she finds inside soothes her.
“You’ve finally done it then.”
“Done what?”
“Tell me about her.”
“Can you make the ring or not? I don’t have anything else to give and…”
“Sit down at the table and tell me about this woman who’s decided she wants to put up with you for the rest of your stubborn life.” His fist thuds on the table as he moves past it to the fire, burning low.
Just thinking about Clarke makes her annoyance fade away, and she plops herself down in a chair and steals one of the scones from the plate on the table. Nyko gets to work building the fire back up and Lexa feels a serene nostalgia fill the room.
“I’ve missed you.”
“Don’t get bloody soft on me now, Heda.”
“Since when is being truthful a weakness?”
“Since you disappeared without a trace.”
“Nyko, did you really think-” Lexa can’t say it. Can’t form the words. Can’t fall back into that pit in her mind that kept her moving.
He stands then, fanning the flames. “In my heart, I knew I would have heard word. Had a messenger…something. But in my head…” he shakes his own.
“I’m sorry.”
“You did what you had to.” He pauses and weighs his words, “Does she know about the bounty?”
Lexa works her jaw, the anger that resides in the back of her mind growing hot at the reminder of it. Of Clarke’s face when Lexa confessed. “Yes. She is just as stubborn as I am.”
It grows quiet again, the only sound the crackling of the growing fire.
“How shall I size this ring if you won’t tell me anything else about your girl?”
She answers by throwing the last bit of scone at him, scowling at his booming laugh.
Xx
Lexa watches Nyko twist her key into a ring. It’s knotty and imperfect, but it’s hers and it means something and she hopes Clarke will love it.
She watches Nyko and talks. Talks about the men. About the plans. About Clarke.
And he smiles and nods and offers a listening ear.
When it’s finished, she tries it on. The metal still warm as it slides onto her finger. But something inside of her takes flight at the thought of it adorning Clarke’s hand.
“This should fit her, thank you.”
“It has been my pleasure, I may have taken just a tad longer than necessary just to keep you longer.” He winks.
“You needn’t have bothered, I require something else.”
“I’m not coming back to the clan, so you can save your speech.”
“It’s not about the clan. Do you still have those papers I gave to you before…”
Again she doesn’t finish the thought, but he understands her question and leaves the room, shuffling around in the back room before returning with the leather wrappings.
“Thank you.”
“I promised I would keep them safe, I meant it.”
Xx
She finally climbs back into the saddle well into the evening, her body exhausted but her soul alive after her visit with Nyko and the newly minted documents that are safe in his care.
She sways on the saddle with a smile on her face, keeping off the main roads and picking her way closer to the inn. Closer to Clarke.
She arrives tired and hungry, aching in a way she hasn’t in ages. She puts the horse up quickly, throwing extra hay into the stall and rubbing a soft nose before taking herself back up the stairs to a certain door.
Clarke answers after the gentlest of taps on her door and Lexa’s heart flutters. She’s pulled into Clarke’s embrace before she even gets her breath back and it’s all overwhelming in the best way possible.
The way she hoped against hope that it would be.
Clarke’s kiss is just as frustratingly beautiful as she remembers and just like that her long, tiring day slices itself from her bones.
Lexa doesn’t seem to get up the nerve to talk about what kept her gone all day until she’s fed and content by the fire in Clarke’s chair. The other girl’s eyes studying her face, her frame, a small smile at home on her lips.
Her knees hit the ground without thought, offering herself up again completely and utterly to Clarke. Cementing the look on Clarke’s face into memory, and feeling that flame inside of her kickstart once again.
Clarke studies the twisted band in Lexa’s hand, searching for the right words to say and giving up when they won’t come. The kiss is enough.
Is everything.
“Clarke, there is still a price attached to my head. But I will protect you for as long as I’m able.” She almost chokes on the words but forces herself to look Clarke in the eyes.
“That doesn’t scare me, Lexa.”
Clarke brushes a strand of hair off of Lexa’s face, behind her ear. It’s that moment of subtle softness that absolutely breaks the chains of worry in Lexa’s mind.
Lexa grabs Clarke’s hand from where it rests against her cheek and slides the ring onto Clarke’s finger, sharing a small laugh with Clarke when it gets caught for just a moment around her knuckle.
Clarke twists it, her smile wide and unbelieving. Lexa’s hands rest on Clarke’s thighs and she relaxes even more, sighing when Clarke’s free hand threads through her hair.
“You’re exhausted.”
“Trying to be rid of me, sassenach ?”
Clarke hums, “No. I’ve waited all day for this.”
Lexa feels her eyes begin to droop. The long day catching up once again. “We’ll tell Gustus tomorrow.”
“I almost told him three times today,” Clarke says around the huff of a laugh.
Lexa looks up at her then, feeling that pull that’s grown so familiar over the past few weeks. She sits up and captures Clarke’s smile with her lips, feeling the happiness radiate between them.
She keeps her lips against Clarke’s as she works her way to standing, pulling herself farther and farther from Clarke until they have to break.
And Clarke,
Clarke pouts .
And Lexa soars.
“If I don’t leave now, sassenach , I won’t be leaving at all.” Her own voice is dark and promising.
“You wake before dawn anyway…And we’ve already shared a tent.” Clarke tugs at her hands and pulls her back for another kiss.
“Temptress,” Lexa teases, promptly taking another step back and gathering her coat. “I’ll find you in the morning.”
Clarke stands and pulls the ring off her finger, handing it back. “You’ll need to give this to me tomorrow.”
“Do you like it?” Suddenly sheepish, she takes the uneven excuse for a wedding band and hides it in her pocket.
“It came from you, so I love it.”
She clears her throat, “It was a key. That’s why it’s all knobbly.”
“A key to what?” Clarke steps closer, trying to quell the uneasiness.
“My homestead. It will belong to you now, just as I will belong to you.”
“Will you tell me about it…?”
Lexa nods, swears it right then no matter how painful, “I will tell you anything you want to know, Clarke.”
“Tomorrow,” she smiles and places a hint of a kiss on Lexa’s cheek.
“Tomorrow.”
Xx
It’s a quiet affair.
Four of them standing at the bend in the river just inside the woods as the afternoon sun dips into the evening. Just past the spot where Clarke revealed her true self to Lexa.
Gustus, the holy man he found who would perform the rites, and Clarke in a new dress, smiling more with her eyes than anything else and holding tightly to Lexa’s hand.
Lexa blossomed when she caught sight of Clarke, stunning and calm in the dress that looks like it was made just for her. Watching Clarke’s eyes travel over the fancy shirt and jacket that pair with her kilt. The ceremonial sword at her side. Her hair braided back in the traditional wedding knot.
It’s quiet and simple as they stand next to the running water and pledge themselves to one another. Vows of fealty. Words of love. Promises both spoken aloud and only between the soul.
The ring eases onto Clarke’s finger with no trouble and Lexa knows it’s a sign.
Their kiss is chaste, simple.
But it speaks to Lexa’s soul.
Her heart growing and expanding to pull this impossible woman even further inside.
“ My sassenach .”
Something cracks inside of Lexa the moment her lips touch Clarke’s. The moment that seals their union.
Two souls, together.
It cracks and multiplies, filling every single empty space she didn’t know was inside.
And all at once she is whole.
And completely Clarke’s own.
Xx
Gustus carries on ahead, escorting the holy man back to the village, leaving Clarke and Lexa to smile at each other like fools.
They stand and kiss in the same spot where they said their vows until the sun is almost gone from the sky.
Clarke’s arms wrapped around Lexa’s neck, keeping her steady and close.
Lexa’s own hands resting on Clarke’s waist, squeezing and sure when it all becomes too much. As if she can’t believe that it’s real and happening.
Happening to her.
A life she dreamed about for so long, becoming something tangible in her hands.
And Clarke’s lips are pink and swollen, her cheeks flushed and her eyes sparkling like the stars that will soon adorn the sky.
And Lexa squeezes her hands one last time, brushes the softest of kisses against Clarke’s forehead, and begins leading them back to the inn.
They’re met with a raucous cheer from the men, a roaring fire in the hearth and a feast scattered on the assorted tables.
Lexa’s cheeks nearly split with her grin and the cheers that do not stop as she and Clarke move further into the room threaten to topple her over.
Clarke, never one to back down, cackles beside her.
Lexa can feel the elation radiating off of her wife and she wonders if her heart will grow big enough to fly right out of her chest.
Xx
The night grows long as they eat and drink, laughing with the rabble rousers around them. All of whom have decided they can pat Lexa as hard as possible on the back as they pass.
Clarke simply squeezes her knee under the table and offers her small, soft looks.
And every time she does, all Lexa can think about is leaning over and kissing her again. Claiming those lips and never stopping. Never coming up for air.
But there is still a party raging around them.
“Lexa,” Clarke breaks her thoughts soon enough.
“ Sassenach ?”
“Can we take a walk? It’s getting warm in here.” Clarke’s eyes don’t leave Lexa’s lips and Lexa warms at the thought.
She struggles and stammers to get out a yes before hopping off the bench and extending her hand to Clarke.
They somehow sneak back outside undetected, and before Lexa can comment on it, her back hits the side of the building and Clarke is on her.
It grows heated in seconds, and Lexa pulls Clarke closer to her, as close as she can.
“Take me to bed,” Clarke husks in her ear and a shiver spills down Lexa’s spine.
She nods, throat dry and eyes wide. Clarke pulls her hand, leading them to the back entrance of the inn, up the stairs that are seldom used. Lexa’s palm grows clammy against Clarke’s and she smiles at the hooded look Clarke sends her as they reach the top of the stairs and get closer to her room.
“No, stop.” Lexa tugs and Clarke turns. “We should go to my rooms. I’m at the corner and no one is near me.”
Clarke’s eyebrow raises and her irises nearly disappear. Lexa squeezes her hand and listens to her pulse roar in her ears as they walk to the other end of the building into her own spacious room.
“Lexa….” Clarke gasps and turns around the room. “You’ve been holding out on me!” She nudges Lexa’s shoulder and explores the large room.
And Lexa watches her with a smile on her face.
“How?”
She shrugs, and Clarke scowls. “You’re not the only one around her who knows how to charm.”
Clarke scowls again before spiraling into a laugh, and Lexa cannot be this far away from her any longer. She locks the door and sweeps into the middle of the room, pulling Clarke up into her arms and swinging her through the air.
Clarke’s cheeks are the perfect pink when her feet land back on the ground and her eyes are heavy again, and her lips meet Lexa’s in a perfect kiss.
A kiss that could stop time.
One that causes her heart to stutter and her knees to wobble and her chest to feel like it will explode.
Her feet are moving before she registers it. Clarke guiding her back to the bed that sits against the far wall. Struggling with the sash around her chest and the buttons that hold her coat closed. Her lips insistent and her hands tugging and fighting with material.
Lexa grabs them, finally pulling herself away, smiling at the whine that falls from Clarke’s mouth.
“Patience, sassenach .”
Clarke growls and leans in, nipping her neck and it’s Lexa’s turn to gasp.
Xx
They undress each other slowly, taking their time and sharing long, deep, searching kisses as they go.
Lexa’s hands grow more sure and steady with each moment. The anxiety and excitement in her belly at the thought of what’s to come ebbs and flows with each new hint of Clarke’s skin on display before her.
Clarke touches her with a softness that Lexa has only dreamt of before. Her hands moving over scarred and puckered skin as if they could heal it simply by touching. Her lips seeking everything that Lexa has ever wanted to give to another.
Knees hit the bed and she wobbles before sitting. Looking up at Clarke and barely breathing. Barely understanding that this is her life. That this is a reality.
That Clarke is here and hers and looking at her with so much love in her eyes it could rival the sun.
“Clarke, I-” Lexa chokes.
Clarke’s hand brushes along her jaw, smoothing away the unease that sits between them. Patient and waiting.
“I’ve never…” Lexa tries to look down, to allow her confession to fall to the floor so as not to see the look on Clarke’s face.
But Clarke holds her steady. Doesn’t let her shy away. “Lexa, Lexa …” she coos, calm and gentle. Lexa’s feelings for this girl multiplying yet again in a way she could never begin to fathom.
“Just kiss me,” she leans down and draws Lexa into an easy kiss, pulling her focus back to what matters. To what exists between them. They stay like that, sharing slow kisses back and forth until Lexa grows restless and pulls Clarke on top of her.
It’s a feeling unlike any other. The skin to skin contact has her buzzing, and Clarke’s chest against her own sends a shock through her. She grips at Clarke, digging into her back and wanting her as close as possible.
Not willing to have this feeling end anytime soon.
This, this is what it means to be alive.
And Clarke follows Lexa’s lead. Moves her mouth down Lexa’s jaw, to her neck. Dragging along her collarbones and her shoulders. Teasing at the tops of her breasts, looking up to find Lexa watching her. Asking without words.
Smiling against skin when Lexa nods once, her thoughts a mess and her body craving only one thing.
Clarke worships her body. Painting her kisses all over the exposed skin she finds, nipping when Lexa lets out a moan. Laughing when hips begin to buck, asking for more.
She pulls herself back up to Lexa’s face, biting her lip and propping herself up to get a good look at her.
“ Sassenach ,” Lexa whispers, running her thumb along the dip in Clarke’s chin.
“I want to show you. Can I show you?” It’s barely loud enough for her to hear, but Lexa feels the question sink into her. Clarke’s voice is warm honey.
She nods and finally pulls Clarke back down to her lips. Kissing her like she ached to do for all of those weeks where she could only watch and imagine.
She feels Clarke’s hand move back down her body. Feels how she adjusts herself on top of her. Whines when Clarke stops kissing her, to study her face as she finally touches where Lexa needs her most. The slow, pleased smile growing on her face as Lexa reacts.
She claws at Clarke and feels her hips begin to move in rhythm with the push pull. It’s all more than she ever thought it would be, and it soon becomes too much. A strangled cry leaves her lips as colors burst before her eyes. Clarke right there with her as her body pulls taut and frozen.
With a gasp, she opens her eyes again. Something warm and magical settling over her. Clarke studying her face with a furrow, the one she has when she’s measuring herbs in her pantry or tending to a wound.
The one Lexa loves anytime it’s not directed at her.
She smiles and pulls Clarke down to her lips, crashing them together and twining their legs. Needing as much contact as possible with this girl in this moment of heaven.
Yes, this. This is the feeling that’s eluded her for so long.
The infinite .
She’s greeted with a squeal when she flips them over. Clarke’s blonde waves spreading on the pillow below her head. Her eyes dark again, her lips swollen. And Lexa can’t do anything but look at her for a breath, and then two.
The way Clarke looks at her with everything open and there for the taking. For Lexa.
She begins moving, her hips rocking up onto Lexa’s thigh. Twisting her fingers into the hair at the base of Lexa’s neck and pulling.
Lexa pours it all into her, the words that have sat untouched in her heart gathering dust since she was young. Kisses her with a passion and fire that seem to only have been lit since Clarke fell into her life.
There is magic here.
Crackling in the air and growing thick with their love.
And Clarke nips at her lips, growing impatient.
And Lexa doesn’t want to make her wait any longer. Only wants her to experience everything she can, every expression and feeling she will ever hold.
She mimics Clarke’s movements and slides her hand down, down, down, sinking into Clarke and nearly coming again at the sensation.
Building Clarke up and holding her gaze as she does. Strong and steady and picking up the pace when Clarke wraps her legs around Lexa’s hips. Pulling her deeper, pulling her closer. Moaning into her ear and nipping at the lobe, until she shatters and clenches. Lexa’s hears her name around a gasp and feels like flying.
Everything she ever thought she could feel for someone pales in comparison to this moment here with Clarke.
And she wonders, not for the first time, if this is what Clarke was pulled here for.
To know her .
To love her.
To build this life here with her .
Because this, this incomprehensible feeling cannot be explained by any other means.
Clarke finally opens her eyes and a relaxed laugh greets Lexa before she’s pulled into another heated kiss. Her own hips moving against Clarke’s thigh, that expanding weightlessness growing inside of her again.
“How did you get so good at this?” Clarke teases, tucking Lexa’s hair behind her ears with a fond smile.
“At?”
“Being charming…and… kissing me like I’ve always wanted to be kissed.” It’s hushed and quiet and sounds more like a confession than teasing.
Lexa swoons. Cannot help but swoon.
Even as she blushes red hot.
“I said I was a virgin, sassenach , not a nun.”
And Clarke’s peal of laughter rings around the room and straight into Lexa’s heart.