Chapter Text
"You bastard!"
"No... Don't..."
"3 years! We've been friends for 3 years, and now...what? You're one of them? Were you ever with us at all?!"
"Jean... Please..."
"We trusted you! And just like that, you betray us. Did those years all of us spent training together mean nothing to you? Did... Did what we had... Mean nothing to you?"
"No, it's not like that! Just... Just please listen-"
"No. I'm done listening to your lies."
"Please... Please..."
"You're a fucking monster. I... I hate you!"
"Jean!"
"I never want to see you again!!"
__________
Marco woke with a start, gasping for breath and his body shaking. He blinked hard a few times, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness and remembering where exactly he was. He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes and looking around at all the boys still sleeping soundly in their beds. He sighed softly and brought his knees up to his chest, attempting to calm the turmoil that had taken over his mind.
It was just a dream. It was just a dream. He was safe. Jean didn't know anything. No one knew anything. They were safe.
Of course, Marco knew that it was only a matter of time. Their friends were all too smart to let such a thing slip past them. Eventually, someone was going to figure it out…
A muffled groan from beside him shocked Marco out of his train of thought, and his whipped his head around to spot the source of the sound. Jean had moved out from under his covers, and was looking up at Marco with heavy, lidded eyes.
"Mmm...Marco?" he said quietly, his voice thick with sleep. "Hey man, what are you doing up? Is everything alright?"
"Yeah," Marco whispered back, forcing a smile onto his face and his heart to settle. "You just surprised me, is all. Everything's fine."
The boy began to push himself upwards, the covers slowly sliding off of him. "Are you sure? You know, you can talk to me if you want. And I-I-I-" Marco chuckled as Jean tried and failed to stifle a yawn. "Ahh... I promise not to fall asleep on you while you're talking."
"Jean," the freckled teen took his friend's hand into his own and squeezed gently: an action which was returned with a sleepy smile. "Really, I'm alright. Go back to sleep."
"If you say so," he mumbled, letting his body unceremoniously flop back down onto the bed. The smile slipped slowly from Marco's face as Jean's soft snores filled the air around them once more. He reached over and pulled the covers up over his friend's shoulders and smoothed his hair back away from his face. He continued to grip the other's hand, rubbing small circles with his thumb as he let his own thoughts wash over him.
Going into this, he had never planned on making friends. The less people that got close to them, the easier it would be. But... He was starting to think he might have made a mistake in getting so close to the dual-tone haired teen that now slept in the bunk beside his. He shouldn't be feeling anything for the people around him. He shouldn't care about what anyone thinks of him. He shouldn't be, least of all, having nightmares about getting caught. And yet…
Marco flinched as the words from his dreams rang through his mind, cutting him like glass.
"You fucking monster!"
"I never want to see you again!"
"I hate you!"
With one last squeeze, Marco released Jean's hand and swung his legs over the side of his bunk, and quietly stood.
He needed to get some air. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep anytime soon, anyhow.
With a small stretch, Marco silently padded out of the barracks and into the night air, shutting the door behind him.
*********
Marco stood in front of the door of the cabin he, Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt shared, his hands braced on either side of the door frame, shaking. His breath was uneven, his chest tight, and his eyes wide. He couldn't remember how he'd gotten there, or even leaving Demetrius' office, for that matter. It had all been a blurry haze, with the older man's words echoing through it:
"Saving humanity as it is, was never part of the mission."
It had been a lie. It had all been a lie, and he had ate it up like the gullible child he had been. He had been used like a tool, and he had made it so easy for Demetrius to use him. How could he have been so blind? Had he been so desperate for acceptance that he'd chosen not to see? Had he been so desperate to prove that he wasn't evil, that he'd gone and become just that? Had all those people- those who had died in Shiganshina, and fought for Trost- died for nothing? What had the four of them been fighting for?
A choked noise that vaguely resembled a sob escaped Marco's throat, and he quickly clamped a hand over his mouth. His entire body was trembling as he tried to gain some semblance of control over his breathing.
Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie... How could he face them, knowing that everything they had done had been under his orders? The three of them had killed thousands of people under his instruction, and did so with the promise that it was all for the good of humanity. He's made them, and himself, into the one thing they feared becoming the most; monsters.
What the hell was he supposed to say to them?
Before he could come up with an answer, the door to the cabin swung open, and suddenly Marco was face to face with the tallest, quietest of his comrades.
"Oh, Marco!" Bertholdt exclaimed, smiling. "I didn't know you were back. How was the meeting?"
He stopped to take in the Marco's appearance, the smile dropping from his face. "Marco, are you alright? did something happen?"
The freckled boy closed his eyes and took a deep, composing breath. He straightened up and opened his eyes again, his gaze meeting Bertholdt's steadily, his expression unreadable.
"Go get Annie and Reiner, and meet me in the kitchen. We have crucial matters to discuss."
**********
Stunned silence echoed through the small kitchen area, where the four teenagers had congregated upon Marco's request. Bertholdt, staring at empty air, sat with his hand over his mouth, unable to form any response. Reiner, sitting across from him, stared at Marco with an expression of confusion and concentration, as if working hard to process his words. Annie, sitting to the right of Reiner, had her head bowed so her eyes were blocked by her bangs, and her hands clenched tightly into fists. Marco, being the only one not sitting, stood at the opposite end of the table from Annie, staring at the hard wooden surface and allowing his speech to settle in with the others, his face clean of emotion.
Finally, it was Reiner who broke the silence.
"So, the end goal of the mission, was not to help humanity survive?"
Marco nodded, refusing to raise his eyes from the table.
"But then, if that's the case, what has this all been for?"
"He," Marco began, taking a deep breath to keep his voice even. "Demetrius spoke of rebuilding the human race so that it consisted of only titan shifters. We were to weed out other shifters, and wipe out regular humans in the process."
"Oh my god," Bertholdt whispered from behind his hand, his voice trembling like a leaf in a hurricane.
There was a sudden screeching of wood scraping against wood, and Marco raised his head to see Annie up on her feet, her fist still clenched on the table, and a murderous glower darkening her features.
"So what you're telling us," Annie began to stalk toward the motionless freckled boy, "is that all the years we've been fighting, was for nothing? That all this time, we've been mere tools in the destruction of humanity? That we've been used, lied to, and deceived?"
"Yes," he responded, continuing to meet her eyes with the same blank expression. "Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying."
"Huh," she said nonchalantly, right before swinging her right fist at him.
Marco didn't have time to react, and the punch struck him square in the jaw, sending him reeling. Annie took advantage of his loss of balance and caught his shirt collar in a vise-like grip.
"You, you dirty, lying, son of a bitch!!!"
She slammed his body backwards against the cabinets, causing his head to snap back against them, and for the doors to rattle violently on their hinges. A chorus of startled cries of 'Annie!' and 'Marco!' could be heard from the two boys still sitting at the table, who were poised to intervene should the scuffle become too violent.
"You scum," she snarled. "We gave you everything we had left. We trusted you with our lives, you piece of shit. And this is how treat us? You lie to us? You let that bastard use us for his own purposes?"
"Annie," Bertholdt pleaded. "It's not his fault, he didn't know."
"Oh, it's his fault, all right," she retorted, shaking the boy in her grips and slamming him back against the wooden doors. "If he had been there, then we might not have been caught. Had we been given proper orders, we might have been able to figure it out sooner. We wouldn't have had to kill all of those innocent people if we'd had someone there for us. You abandoned us, Marco. Why? No," she continued when her question was met with tense silence, "I want an actual answer. Why did you leave us, without so much as an explanation, or a goodbye?"
"You aren't going to like my answer," Marco spoke finally, his voice so quiet the two males sitting at the table could just scarcely hear him.
"Try me," Annie replied, letting go of his shirt and stepping back.
Marco's eyes fell to the floor and his voice became a mere murmur under his breath.
"Speak up," she spat, and his gaze drifted to the side, looking anywhere but at her.
"I let my emotions get the better of me."
"You let your emotions get the better of you," she parroted. "What the hell is that supposed to-"
Annie's eyes widened in realization and her jaw dropped as Marco's guilt-ridden stare dropped back to his feet. "...Him? You have got to be kidding me. You left us for Jean-fucking-Kirschtein?!"
"Not for him," he spoke sharply, his gaze snapping up to meet Annie's crystal blue eyes. "Because of him. I was in too deep, and I needed to get out. He's smarter than most people think, and if I didn't get out right then, he would have figured it out."
"Oh, that's complete horse shit," the female replied. "That's not why you left, and you know it. You left because you knew they would find out, and you couldn't bear the thought of your precious little Jean seeing who you really are, what you really are." She chuckled humorlessly. "You're a coward, Marco Bodt. The biggest I've ever known."
A moment of silence followed Annie's statement, until-
"You're not wrong,” Marco began. "Part of the reason why I left was out of fear of him finding out. I didn't want him to see what I am, because I can't stand the idea of being a monster in his eyes, the idea of losing yet another person I've come to care about. I am a coward, Annie. I deserted the three of you, and I know now that I was wrong to do so. What I didn't do, however, was use you for my own purposes. I gave you a choice whether to follow me or not, I gave you all the information I had, and until a year ago, I stood beside you and did my damndest to protect you. You seem to be forgetting that he used me as well. I truly did believe that we were fighting for humanity: otherwise, do you really think I would have gone through with the Shiganshina mission, or even the Trost mission? I love humanity. And I love you guys even more. I think of you as not only my partners, but my friends. So don't, for even a minute, don't you fucking dare insinuate otherwise!"
The three teens stared at Marco, frozen, with wide shocked eyes, unsure how to proceed. In all their years of knowing one another, they'd never seen Marco so openly lose his temper, or utter a single curse, for that matter. The sight was both unnerving, and downright terrifying.
"I-" Annie stuttered, all anger and confidence diminished. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"Yes, you did," Marco interrupted, his voice ice cold. "But that doesn't matter. What matters now is that we're all on the same page. Have I made myself clear enough?"
"...Yes," she replied, defeated.
"Yes what?"
Annie swallowed hard. "Yes, sir."
**********
"Alright everyone, listen up!" Erwin called out to the crowded lecture room. All the soldiers sitting in the room fell silent and turned their attention to the Commander, who stood at the front of the room, and the Corporal on his left.
"As you all know, we leave for our expedition into Wall Maria from Karanese in a week's time. Our goal, first and foremost, is to map out a supply route into the towns of Wall Maria, and eventually make our way into the town of Shiganshina."
Aside from Erwin's voice, the room was dead silent, all soldiers listening with rapt attention. Even Sasha and Connie were giving 100% of their attention to the lecture, rather than goofing off as they normally do.
"You've all already been briefed by your squad leaders on each of your squad's position. This briefing is simply to go over the dangers that await us on the field. Of course, every time we leave the confines of the Walls, we risk our lives being taken. However, this time our lives will be in jeopardy more so than others. As I'm sure you are all aware, Annie Leonhardt escaped yesterday evening, and we have yet to locate her whereabouts. She is a titan shifter, taking on the form of the Female Titan, and is considered highly dangerous."
Levi spoke up from Erwin's side. "If you see the Female Titan on the battlefield, or any titan you think may be being controlled by a human, do not attack it. You will not be able to take it down by yourself. Report it to either myself or the Commander, so our course of action may be altered. "
"Alright, I believe that's all-"
"Just a moment, Levi," Erwin interrupted before turning back to the audience.
"Up until now, we've only known the identities of two titan shifters; Eren Jaeger, and Annie Leonhardt. However, today we've received the names of two possible suspected shifters."
"Erwin..." Levi warned. Erwin ignored him and continued speaking.
"Two recruits disappeared either late last night, or early this morning; Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Fubar. I'm certain that most of you have met them at least once."
The majority of the room nodded, their faces expressing a mixture of shock and confusion.
"The two boys were known to be quite close to Leonhardt in their trainee days, and both have not been seen since last night: the night that the Female Titan escaped. We have no evidence to prove that Braun and Fubar are working with Leonhardt. Nonetheless, should any of you see them, you're to report it to Corporal Levi or myself immediately. Understood?"
A resounding 'Yes, sir!' rang through the room.
"Alright then." Erwin nodded at the soldiers.
"Dismissed."
**********
"So, where do we go from here?"
The four teens all sat at the table once more, continuing their meeting. The atmosphere had calmed down significantly, but the prior fight had left a heavy, uncomfortable silence in its wake; Reiner being the first to break the strong silence.
All eyes turned to Marco, who- to his own as well as the others' great relief- had regained his composure.
"Well, that depends," he began. "are you wanting to fight with, or against the survey corps?"
"What does that mean, Marco?" Bertholdt inquired softly. "The situation isn't nearly as black and white as that. When we were fighting alongside Demetrius, we were against the survey corps.
"Perhaps I should rephrase the question. You now know what Demetrius is planning to do, and what his intentions are. I'll let you know right now; I will not participate in his plan. When I started, I was fighting to help humanity win this war: not to intentionally lose, and start over. My perspective on that hasn't changed. So," Marco looked right at Annie as he spoke his next words.
"Will you follow Demetrius, or do you trust me enough to stay with me?"
The freckled teen fell silent, surveying his comrades expectantly and waiting for an answer.
"I trust you," Reiner spoke up, looking to the others.
"Me too..." Bertholdt said, smiling slightly. Marco turned his eyes back to the blonde female, who sighed and closed her eyes, before nodding in agreement.
Marco smiled genuinely at the three of them.
"Good. Then, we can continue. We now have a single goal in mind: we must protect the one person who has had it right from the beginning, and is already fighting for humanity with everything he's got."
"We must protect Eren."