Chapter Text
B.
belligerent.
adj. it’s brittle ice waiting to crack - already cracked
He’s reading his dog-eared copy of ‘Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close’ by Jonathan Safran Foer that his eldest sister, Stephanie gave to him the day he turned sixteen. There’s something about Oskar’s voice, something about the little boy that captures his heart everytime he reads the book. It’s now 2010 - he’s still in love with the book. Sebastian glances up from his book when he hears someone storm up the stairs and slam a door. He’s been with this family long enough to know who exactly that is.
He knocks on Lewis’ door and gets a ‘fuck off’ in reply. Lewis is volatile, passionate about his interests, argumentative and competitive but, he’s a good guy who tends to get stuck in the wrong situations. Nicolas has told Sebastian all about the various fights and arguments Lewis has got into over the years.
He knocks again, “Let me in.”
There’s no response from inside but Seb can hear Lewis shuffling about and grumbling. He sits cross-legged outside Lewis’ bedroom and waits. Five minutes later, he sits next to Lewis on the bed and listens to Lewis rant.
biisi. finnish.
n. music, lyrics and rhythm forming a pattern, a song
Sebastian stops washing the dishes when he realises the Hamilton brothers are watching him curiously.
He turns around so that he can look at them, “What?”
He hasn’t done something wrong, has he? What could he have possibly done wrong while washing dishes? Nicolas tilts his head and Sebastian knows that look all too well, he’s seen it on his brother, Fabian and now he’s seeing it on Nicolas. A question was coming his way.
“What were you humming just now?”
His fingers are trembling as he curls his fists by his side. He doesn’t want to remembers. He remembers
He’s looking at the Hamilton brothers but he can’t see them. He’s somewhere else. He remembers quiet evenings in the library and book reading sessions and long conversations. He remembers silent laughter and solemn eyes. He remembers a different culture (the lifestyle, the society, the relationships, the language, the music) Sebastian remembers a librarian; a Finn who was bigger than the town he worked in, a man who deserved so much more. A man who deserved more than some skinny, bright-eyed boy.
He’s back in London and there are two boys looking at him, worry written on their faces. He can feel the tears burning his eyes. He isn’t going to cry, not now at least.
“It’s a Finnish folk song. A friend of mine taught it to me.”
“It’s nice.”
Seb is glad they don’t pursue the topic further and when he cries into his pillow at night, he thinks of Kimi.
blue.
adj. it is the sky with no clouds, the rolling sea, a sapphire resting silent, and a feeling of melancholy
"You have nice eyes. They’re a strange type of blue; quiet but bright."
Quiet but bright. Sebastian raises an eyebrow at Nicolas, “What makes you say that?”
The boy shrugs and looks down at his shoes but doesn’t let go of Sebastian’ s hand,
“Today, our teacher told us to go home and compliment everybody in our family.”
Seb feels warmth course through him and he lets go of Nicolas’ hand to pull him in for a hug. Family.
“Thank you Nico. You have no idea how much it means to me. You’re one of the nicest kids I know.”
A smile lights up Nico’s face and Seb knows how delighted Nico is, he can see the visible happiness. He’s never really thought about it but he understands now what a compliment can do. They continue their walk home in silence.
That night, Seb and Lewis are in Seb’s room, talking through the night. It’s a pattern they’ve slowly fallen into. Some nights, Lewis will be pouring over his books, going over his notes or completing his assignments and Seb will lie on his bed and read. Some nights, he’ll talk and disturb Lewis but Lewis doesn’t really mind, he likes the company. That night, Lewis is free and so the two of them are sitting cross-legged on the bed.
Lewis smiles more to himself than to Seb as he says,
“You know, Nicolas told me I’m a good brother. Do you think I’m a good brother?”
The question surprises Sebastian and he wants to say that he’s the last person Lewis should be asking because he’s left his family, his parents, his sisters and his baby brother back in Germany; he can’t say what a good brother is all he knows is that he isn’t one of those good brothers. But instead he nods and says,
“Yes.”