Chapter Text
Chaos
Laurel stared at the TV in her living room, her glass of wine shattered on the floor.
Oliver Queen was found alive on an island off the shores of China.
Oliver.
Alive.
She couldn’t believe what she was seeing, what she was hearing.
How could that be possible? How could he be alive? It’s been five years! Oliver was dead. Dead. Like Sara.
Sara.
What about Sara? Maybe she was alive too! Maybe…
No.
Laurel gripped her head in her hands and sunk onto the couch. This wasn't happening! Not again. She could feel her tears threatening to fall.
No. She couldn’t do that again. She couldn’t go through this again. Sara was lost. Her body was at the bottom of the ocean.
She was gone.
But Oliver wasn’t. Not anymore. He was on a boat back to Star City. He was alive. And he was coming back.
Oh, God, he was alive!
Laurel couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. She broke down in sobs, sinking further into the pillows and the blanket. Sara’s blanket. With shaky hands, she brought it close to her face, trying to find Sara’s scent. But it was gone, just like her. There was nothing left but the faint memory of the fragrance in Laurel’s mind. Sara was just a memory.
Then why did Laurel feel her presence as if she was standing in the room with her?
It has been five years and Sara was still there, with her.
Laurel thought she had moved on. She thought she had finally got her life back together. She was Laurel Lance, lawyer, daughter, friend, survivor. But she was wrong. She would never be anything else than Laurel Lance, Oliver Queen’s girlfriend and Sara’s sister.
She would always be the girl who lost everything.
For the first time in years, Laurel felt like she was drowning. She couldn’t breathe.
Oliver was alive. Why couldn’t she be happy? Why couldn’t she be relieved? She had been waiting for years for him to come home and now that he was, she just… couldn’t?
But Laurel knew why.
Sara and Oliver shattered her life in a million pieces. After five years, Laurel was barely starting to pick up the pieces. Oliver being back, without Sara, shattered them all over again and Laurel didn’t know if she would be strong enough to rise again.
She had found peace and now it was just chaos. She didn’t want to get up ever again.
In a semi-trance, Laurel heard knocking on her door. It was probably her dad. Probably in a worst state than her. She had to take care of him. She had to be strong for him.
Laurel wiped her face with the blanket and she stood up. Before opening the door, she saw her reflection in the mirror. There was no emotion on her face. She was empty.
There was nothing left to her life, but chaos.
Laurel didn’t know how she would survive this time.
Blame
The first time she saw Oliver again, he showed up at her office unannounced.
Laurel wasn’t ready. She didn’t think she would ever be ready, but that didn’t matter. Her life wasn’t in her hands anymore so why bother anyway?
When she saw him, she stopped dead in her tracks. She didn’t know what she was feeling. A part of her wanting to hug him and never let him go. Another wanted to punch him until she felt alive again.
He came and he apologized. He apologized for all the hurt he caused her. He apologized for ruining her life. And she couldn’t do anything else than listen to him and accept his apologies. She was frozen. She couldn't scream at him for not bringing Sara back with him. She couldn't yell at him that she wished he was dead. She didn't, not really. But seeing him here, talking to her as if everything was normal as if he didn't ruin her entire life, it was too much. But she remained there, listening to him. Oliver had just spent five years in hell and she wasn't the same girl he left five years ago. Laurel wasn't that person anymore. No, instead, she smiled and she embraced him in her arms. She waved at him as he left.
But the truth was, she didn’t hate him. No matter how much she wanted to hate him, she didn’t. She couldn’t.
She didn’t hate him but she blamed him.
How could he stand here, alive, while Sara was laying at the bottom of the ocean, dead? How could he come back here without her? He was the one who dragged her on that damn boat. Why did she have to be the one to die? Why?
This wasn’t fair.
Her little sister would never come back to her. A piece of her heart would always be missing. Always be haunting her.
Laurel thought that Oliver being alive would help her heal but it didn’t. Because the part of her that loved Oliver died the day they left on that boat. Yes, he would always be an important part of her life but now he was just a past chapter. He left a big hole in her life, something she would never be able to fill. But she didn’t love him, not after everything.
Sara, however, was her sister. Her baby sister. Her other half, her life, her heart. Living without her felt like she was always gasping for air. Her soul bled every single day since she left on that boat. Laurel was past the point of being angry at her, she just wanted her little sister back. Sara was the open wound that would never stop bleeding. Laurel would ache for her every day of her life.
Oliver was her past. Sara was her forever. So why was he the one to be standing in front of her today?
Laurel wished Sara had come back instead of Oliver, and she hated herself for that.
So, when she reached her apartment that day, she drank until she forgot.
Rejection
Seeing Oliver living his life while her sister was lost in the ocean was too much for Laurel.
She couldn’t be around him without thinking of Sara. Their lives were intertwined together forever and Laurel just couldn’t get her sister’s image out of her mind every time she was close to him.
She was seeing Sara everywhere. Before Oliver came back, she had stopped haunting her. But now, she was back. Like a cruel reminder of what her life actually was.
Laurel thought that by avoiding Oliver, she would be able to ignore her unforgiving gaze telling her it’s your fault, it’s your fault, it’s your fault.
The voices in her came back. You should have been a better sister. You should have listened to her. You should have known. You should have done something. You should have been the one to rest at the bottom of the ocean.
Laurel found herself visiting the bars her dad used to go to forget. She wished she could forget. But the alcohol only made her remember her more vividly. Sara’s smile. Sara’s laughter. Sara’s cries.
Working helped. There was so much to do, so many people to stop, and now, this Hood guy, causing havoc in the city. But every time she turned around, Oliver was there. Sara too.
Laurel felt like she was living a nightmare. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.
She could only stand there and watch it happen.
Forgiveness
After a while, Laurel got used to Oliver’s presence.
It’s weird, isn’t it? How could her life be turned upside down in mere seconds and fight for years before finally be able to breathe again and yet, only a few months to find her way in what used to be?
Maybe she was just getting better at whatever life was throwing at her. Laurel doubted that. Oliver was a ghost. Haunting her for years before she let him go. He wasn’t a ghost anymore. He was flesh and bone. Oliver Queen was alive and a constant in her life. She couldn’t keep ignoring him or distancing herself.
He was here. He was real.
Sara wasn’t.
Maybe it was time she learned to forgive. It was easier when he was gone. She was talking to a stone. No one would answer. Now, Oliver had a voice and a face. Laurel couldn’t stand looking into his eyes for weeks. They held - still do - so much pain, sorrow and guilt. She knew he blamed himself for Sara’s death. She knew he always would. She knew it wasn’t his fault.
He came one day in her office, unannounced as always, and invited her to lunch.
Laurel thought about refusing. She didn’t want to be alone with him, in such an intimate setting. She was scared of what she would do or say. But she met his gaze and she only saw warmth and affection.
The Oliver she knew was gone. Like the Laurel he knew. Their chapter was closed.
They could start again.
So, Laurel smiled at him and took his hand. This was a new chapter.
Hope
Tommy helped.
He became the one thing in her life that didn’t change. He was there since the beginning and he never left her side. He never abandoned her. Laurel felt herself falling in love a bit more every day.
Oliver coming back altered their relationship, as it did with everything in her life. But Laurel could never stay away from Tommy for too long. Neither could he. They ended up crashing into each other’s arms as if it was always meant to be.
For the first time in a very long time, Laurel felt like she wasn’t alone anymore.
Sara was dead.
Her mom was away.
Her dad was drowning himself into work.
Oliver was gone and back.
But Tommy was always there. Laurel wasn’t going to let him get away.
She had been scared when he had started to break through her walls. Not only because of her past with Oliver and how he broke her. But also because of who she had become. Laurel was scared she wouldn’t be able to love anymore. Not like she used to. Her heart had been so damaged.
Turned out that her heart was the most resilient part of her body. It was slowly healing. Every smile Tommy gave her, every laugh, every kiss, made it stronger and bolder.
Laurel saw a light through the deep waves. She could breathe again.
Maybe her heart would never completely heal. Maybe she would always be struggling not to drown, with her head above the water. But it was okay because now she had hope.
Laurel would take long strolls on the beach and but now she wasn’t alone. Tommy would squeeze her hand and look at her lovingly before making her laugh with one of his jokes.
It felt like a dream.
She started to visit Sara’s grave every day once again. When Oliver reappeared, it hurt too much. Laurel brought the blanket each time and she would tell her everything she missed. The day she told her about her relationship with Tommy, a white canary landed on the stone. Laurel smiled.
Sara was always with her.
When Oliver stormed back into her life, Laurel felt like she was going to drown again. But she didn’t. And she never would.
Because she was Laurel Lance. Survivor.