Chapter Text
Nyota
As you wish. V’s husky voice flowed directly into my head and sent me into an entirely new realm of pleasure.
I never knew I could feel this good in my entire life, I wasn’t even sure if my body was equipped to react the way it did. The pleasure didn’t even reach me in waves, it came in one large swoop, knocking the breathing out of me and sending me to new heights that seemed incomprehensible. I didn’t even know my body could react in such a blind display of neediness and lust, for my back to arch that hard, for me to scream that loud, dig my nails that roughly into myself.
The second my orgasm began to subside was when the regret clung to my sweaty and overly satiated form. The regret sat for a few moments, while my brain returned to Earth and finally dissected what the hell I had just done, what I asked V to do, what I pleaded her to do. The connection we had, the conversation, that fucking shower, the things she did to me, how she made feel, it put me in a headspace I didn’t think I was capable of reaching. I felt the passion, the urgency, I needed V to do anything to me, and she provided, she gave me what I wanted, what I begged of her to do.
It was all too fucking much.
I wanted to curl up in a ball when the fantasy shower fizzled and the moment ended. When reality came back to my brain, hit me with the sucker punch I could’ve used before asking V for something so irreversible and for something I hated myself for needing, for wanting in the first place.
I felt that panic settle in on anger, and my retorts came in a series of three, along with V’s rebuttals. She was so calm with me, so reassuring, fighting off the relentless waves of rage that I was emitting. I wanted a reason to hate her, to want her out of my head but I knew it was my immaturity and inability to be vulnerable that kept me from doing so. It was incredibly selfish, to lash out at her in this manner, especially after something so groundbreaking. After I finally let her in, I wanted her out.
I wanted her gone.
Get out of my head! Get out of my head! Get out of my head! Get out of my head! Get out of my head! Get out of my head! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! I pushed at her so hard, so strongly.
The worst part about this was that I felt the exact moment she broke in half.
It was selfish for me to want her gone from my head, to appease my state of mind when I knew V made me a better woman, a more well-rounded individual. But it was even more selfish to sit back, docile, and hear her self-destruct.
To listen to the sounds of harsh impact on her side of the link; what my animosity was making her do. Her screams of pure rage, the cluttering and eventual cryptic thud I heard, that I feared.
I didn’t know what she had done, but I knew it would eat me alive if I found out.
I wasn’t strong enough to ask her.
But V was strong enough to leave me with some parting words, weak and seemingly lifeless.
Thank you N, for the memories we shared.
I rolled onto my side in my bed and felt the heavy tears stream down my face, knowing I was the cause of my misfortune and demise. And the fact I didn’t know how to stop myself from ruining the things I loved, the things I wanted.
~
“In you go-” Jasmine tugged at the sash to my robe as we stood in my bathroom, the garment fell open and I shrugged out of the robe and slipped carefully into the warm bath Jasmine had prepped for me.
She had been out last evening, completing her foursome fantasy she had raved to me weeks ago. My friend, I could tell, was eager to let me know all the juicy details that I would cringe and reprimand her for this morning. But upon walking into my bedroom at 10:24 AM, to see my lethargic and still form, Jasmine gently knelt on the bed and announced that she’d be preparing my bath.
So I sat in the warm water, the perfect temperature that would cause my fair skin to flush slightly, small beads of sweat to form on my temples, and the perfect time for the water to cool down so I could stay in tranquility for the longest duration.
“Have you talked to V today?” Jasmine was sitting on the little stool beside the tub again, combing through my hair and rubbing my back in a calming rhythm.
I stiffened at the question, Jasmine felt it.
“No,” I spoke before dragging my legs up in the bath, resting my head atop my knees.
It was true. Frighteningly so, I hadn’t heard from V. I hadn’t felt her either. But this is what I wanted, what I screamed at her for, what I begged her to do, to leave me alone, and now that I was alone, I wanted her back. It was unfair, selfish, so fucking stupid of me to force out such a good thing life had rewarded me with. Then to have this sickening regret, that gagged me so violently, all I wanted to do was scramble back and tell V that I was sorry, that I was wrong, that she was right.
I couldn’t do it though.
It’s because I knew she deserved better than me, a better woman to share those deep feelings with.
We both felt something so strong when we touched ourselves together. I wanted to say that it was love but I’ve never experienced such a feeling for another romantic partner, so for once in my life, I had no clue.
The fact I questioned, considered, hoped, that it could be love, terrified me.
“Did you two have a fight or something?” Jasmine’s calm voice filled the void my head left me with. She brought me out of my self-degrading mental ramblings.
I stayed quiet and slipped my mouth into the bathwater, bringing the water level up to my nose but never submerging that deep. I dipped my nostrils into the water, then pulled my head back, giving myself air. I repeated the action a few times, before pulling back and allowing my chin to only touch the water.
“It’s complicated,” It was a deflection. Meek words from my mouth, clearly something Jasmine wasn’t going to take if the withering look she gave me in response was any judge of what she felt.
“Simplify it,” Jasmine’s tone turned curt, impatient, clearly my silence and reluctance to express my feelings weighed heavily on my friend.
I wanted to sigh, pout, say something snarky in retort. But the all-encompassing feeling of my guilt, of what I could’ve caused V to do halted those immature tendencies. I needed to talk this out, to let someone in after I pushed someone else so far away.
“You left around 10 last night…” I let my voice trail, my head picked up and my eyes locked with Jasmine’s.
The hostility in her expression earlier had fallen away by this point. Honey brown eyes turned sympathetic and she nodded me on to continue.
“I was turned on. I kept hearing the sounds of V with her numerous hookups, what she can do to a woman-” I paused, my cheeks flushing. I squeezed my eyes tight and steeled myself, knowing I needed to press on. “-I was thinking about her doing those things to me, and it was more appealing than I wanted to admit at the time,”
Jasmine’s hand kept soothing water down my back, continuing to wash me in the bath.
“I’ve never felt anything like that before, pure and unhinged arousal. I fought it because I was scared, suppressed it deep down inside but it trickled out and V asked me what was wrong last night-” My eyes closed again and I recollected.
A silence fell on the two of us.
“-I begged her to do anything she could. Then I sent us to this subspace, beyond a physical component and I saw my version of V, what I think she looks like-” I sucked in a deep breath and held it, Jasmine’s hand pausing and remaining stagnant between my shoulder blades.
“She pleasured me beyond anything I’ve ever felt before and she’s never even touched me.”
My remark hung in the air and I sniffled, Jasmine’s silence indicative that she knew the story wasn’t over.
“Then I panicked after I came. It was all too much. I felt her feelings, our feelings and to know that they were real and that strong, it made me push her away-” I started to get out and I felt Jasmine’s fingers tense on my back.
“Oh no Nyota, what did you do?” Jasmine’s voice came out soft but there was an underlying hardness to it, I knew she knew that I was in the wrong.
Tears welled when Jasmine asked me the golden question. Tears of self-pity that I wish I could bite back and tears for V, because I didn’t have an answer to her question.
“I have no idea.” Then the tears fell.
Streaming down my face I sobbed, as hard as I was sobbing last night, when I heard V’s farewell, maybe her last message she’d ever send to me.
“And you still can’t feel her this morning?” Jasmine pressed, brushing away one of my tears with her thumb while raising my chin so my eyes met hers once more.
I shook my head, more fear bubbling up. I couldn’t even feel a sliver of V, not even a fleeting emotion, a remnant of joy, or even pain, there was just nothing.
“Nyota, what did you hear last night? Or feel? What’s going to happen to her? What if she’s-” My gaze hardened on Jasmine’s.
“Don’t.” I didn’t want to even consider the fact that V could be gone by my hands. I’d surely go mad by the thought alone, not fathoming that it could be my reality all too soon.
My skin prickled, then I shivered in the bathtub once more. Reaching into the water I saw Jasmine pull the plug to drain the tub, I watched my friend stand from the stool and reach for a towel for me. I stayed seated, feeling Jasmine drape the towel across my shoulders before I stood and allowed her to lead me back into my bedroom. I sat at the end of the bed while I watched Jasmine rummage through my drawers, I wanted to get annoyed at her as she looked for clothes and underwear for me, especially as she deviated the condition of my clothes from their organized state into a messy one, but I bit back the immature comments realizing this wasn’t the time or place to bring up something that minuscule.
I dressed, regular medium-wash skinny jeans, and one of Jasmine’s oversized sweatshirts from Juilliard that she let me keep after her graduation. Jasmine plopped next to me on my bed, she was still in her clothes from the night before, hadn’t yet showered and still cared about me enough to comfort me this morning. I wasn’t crying any longer, sitting with my legs crossed on the bed and my gaze on my mattress, my bed wasn’t even made but I had no energy to get up and fix the sheets.
“Hey, you-” Jasmine poked my arm from her sitting position to my right. Her eyes gleamed a bit and I could tell she was trying to cheer me up.
I wanted to return the action but I was still so solely focused on the isolation I felt that I didn’t even bother to.
“We’re going to go out today, let me shower, and we can pop by the studio for my morning class then we can spend the day together,” Jasmine grinned until her dimples popped out and she stood from my bed.
“Sound good?” She asked me and I knew from her tone of voice that the question was rhetoric.
So, I didn’t bother answering.
“Awesome-” Jasmine celebrated and clapped her hands together as if the two of us had a dialogue just now and not like she had been talking to herself for the past few minutes.
“I’ll be by the door in 15 minutes,” I groaned and flopped back onto my mattress, watching Jasmine skip out of my room and I heard the tell-tale signs of the closing of her door and the shower beginning to run.
Jasmine was rarely punctual, it was me who always reminded her of the time of day and when we’re supposed to be at certain places because that sort of quantitative information stuck to my memory like glue.
But, if Jasmine says we’re leaving in 15 minutes, it means we’re leaving in 15 minutes.
Which is exactly why I walked back into my bathroom to blowdry my damp hair and throw it up into a high ponytail for the day. The Juilliard sweater hung off one of my shoulders but I didn’t attempt to fix the garment as I wrapped some spare hair ties to my wrist. Not bothering to put on earrings or makeup, I took my clutch purse from my desk and walked out exactly 10 minutes after Jasmine had left my room previously.
5 minutes of me sitting on the couch and staring at Jasmine’s closed room, was when her door opened and she emerged in magenta low rising sweatpants and a matching cropped sweater. Feet adorned in sneakers, Jasmine gave me a smirk and threw her workout bag over her shoulder then spun in a quick circle.
“Glad to see you made a wise decision today Hawthorne,” She clicked her tongue and I stood up from the couch, following Jasmine out of our shared penthouse and toward Limitless Dance, her beloved dance studio.
~
“Kat, your technique is clearly flawless but I want you to work on your flexibility a little more, that Grand Jeté you gave me was lacking a lot of extension,” I watched Jasmine work with the girls at her studio.
Kat, the young dancer, took Jasmine’s words seriously then fell back to the barre with the other girls. I saw Jasmine open her mouth to speak, but the alarm on her phone rang, signaling the end of class. The young, 11 to 12-year-olds enrolled patiently waited for Jasmine to dismiss them before they headed toward the locker room to grab their stuff. Each of the girls always held a large level of respect for Jasmine, especially as an instructor and from her well-accomplished background of dance. I sat on the floor in the studio, back against the wall, a small image in the wall-to-wall mirror as Jasmine turned her attention toward me.
The doors swung open to the studio which revealed three older individuals, who ran the hip-hip portion of Limitless Dance. Jasmine grabbed her bag as I waved toward Dante, Alegra, and Bennet, who also were the three lucky people that Jasmine spent the evening with last night.
“Good afternoon!” Dante’s booming voice filled the room as Alegra managed a smirk and a wink in Jasmine’s direction and Bennet seemed to be hiding from Jasmine’s gaze entirely.
I looked at my friend as she walked toward my direction and grabbed her workout bag off the stool I sat next to.
“Was that your only class today?” I heard Alegra’s voice, the leggy Hispanic woman reaching both of her arms over her head as she began to stretch. My eyes widening only slightly at the discoloration of her skin when her t-shirt exposed her midriff during the stretch.
Some night it must’ve been.
Dante and Bennet put their bags down as Jasmine hummed and nodded her head, “Yes, and it was an adolescent class, so you guys can’t head back to the locker room just yet,” She swung the bag over her shoulder as the three other instructors gave Jasmine a quizzical expression.
“You mean, you aren’t staying for the day?” It was the first time Bennet had spoken, he was a lanky biracial man, curls falling in his face as he seemed to pout, slight fear entering his eyes.
“I mean, I hope this isn’t about last night-” Alegra tried to get out but Jasmine shook her head.
I suddenly felt like an intruder to the very intimate conversation that was about to take place. I tried to press my back into the wall, hoping the concrete would swallow me whole, and the second-hand embarrassment I was feeling didn’t end my life right now. I could feel my face redden as Dante and Alegra gave Jasmine a skeptical look, Bennet also mirrored my expression.
“Guys, no, of course not. Last night was a blast, all of you guys were a blast, but Nyota was in critical need of my attention, she’s got some issues going on right now,” Her gaze turned to me, which caused all of their eyes to shift.
I squirmed, physically.
I could tell Bennet took some pity, so he dropped his hazel-eyed gaze, but Alegra’s green eyes stayed on mine as did Dante’s brown. Dante crossed his heavy arms, a tank of a man, standing at 6’4” he was a street style performer, working in krumping and b-boy style breakdancing. Alegra finally softened, she was a ballroom style vogue dancer and also taught courses on tutting and wacking, Bennet was a mixture of both, his docile nature melting away the second he stepped up to perform.
“Dante-” Alegra’s voice rang out. It seemed to turn a dial in Dante’s head, the dark-complexioned man moved his eyes off of me, then looked back apologetically.
“Sorry,” He spoke toward me and I shook my head, feigning nonchalance.
“It’s fine, I’m sure foursomes aren’t a daily occurrence, and I probably threw a wrench in your guys’ plan for some much-needed communication today, but-” I got cut off by Jasmine.
“She needed my help, not that she needed to explain it to you-” Jasmine looked pointedly at Dante, who retracted from her eyes and scratched at the back of his head.
I slowly stood up from the wall and felt the Juilliard sweater fall off my shoulder once more, I felt the urge to fix it but Jasmine was grabbing my hand as she tugged me toward the door, “Have a good class today,” crass in her tone when the door slammed behind us.
We waited outside to see the younger girls from Jasmine’s earlier ballet class exit and get escorted from the studio. Once my friend had counted off the last girl she turned toward me and pulled my arm slightly, “I think it’s poke bowl time,” her dimples popping once again and we walked the streets and headed toward a familiar food vendor.
~
“God, I did not count these macros for my meals today-” Jasmine paused while stabbing some of her rice, kimchi, and beef before taking a bite and grinning. “But, I don’t seem to care right now,”
I dipped my sashimi in eel sauce and took a much more delicate bite than Jasmine. Years upon years of ridicule for my table manners whipped me into shape regarding proper food etiquette, my prejudice of others, who ate normally, mostly had melted away. Though, I still held no sympathy for slobs.
I wonder how V ate.
Fuck.
I cringed, Jasmine noticed and looked at me from across the small table. “Thinking about her?”
There was no point in lying, “Yes, it’s really difficult not to,”
I picked up another piece of sashimi with my chopsticks, dipped the fish, then took a bite. The flavor didn’t come off as satisfactory as beforehand, my mind had completely deviated from the nice outing I was having with Jasmine back to V. My thoughts weren’t deep and invigorating like beforehand, I was only pondering about domestic dynamics.
I wonder what she looked like when she read or when she was concentrated? Did her eyebrows furrow? Forehead crease? Did she put a hand to her chin or rub her temples as she was focused? How did she eat? Did she hum when something was delicious to her? Did she close her eyes and gets lost in the taste of something?
Then my cheeks reddened.
Taste. Something V raved to me about.
I came out of my thoughts and cleared my throat, hoping the flushing of my skin didn’t reveal too much.
“Well, everything is on me so where else do you want to head today?” She took another bite from her poke bowl and peered at me expectantly.
“Well, we haven’t done a grocery run in a while,” I ate another piece of my sashimi while Jasmine rolled her eyes and laughed to herself.
“Out of all the places in the city we could go to, you choose the grocery store?” Jasmine questioned me as I continued to eat.
I could only shrug and Jasmine nodded her head, “Alright, we’ll finish here and head to the grocery store,” She attempted to make the location we were headed in more exciting by her jazz hands, and it caused some laughter to trickle out of me.
As promised, Jasmine paid the bill and we exited then hailed a cab to the Whole Foods where we bought the majority of our groceries. I pulled my phone out and entered my notes app, scrolling through the tentative list I had been making for the past month and a half when I noticed the shortage of food within the penthouse.
Jasmine looked over my shoulder and then looked back at me, “You need hobbies besides biting people’s heads off at your job,” she tapped my shoulder and walked to grab a basket.
I grumbled under my breath and adjusted the sweater on my frame, watching as Jasmine returned over to me with the cart. She stopped next to me and looked at me expectantly, I rolled my eyes and looked at the notes app on my phone once again.
“I so do have hobbies, I built my career off of a hobby,” I began walking toward the produce section of the store as Jasmine followed and she tsked at me.
“Oh, Nyota…” She trailed her voice and my eyes rolled once again, knowing whatever she had to say was going to be accurate but it was also not going to be something I wanted to hear.
“You can pretend all you want that writing was a hobby for you and it very well could’ve started off like that, but I know you were too damn smart to not realize that with a pen in your hand you could do anything. I’d say by the time you finished high school your writing stopped being for fun and shifted into a serious endeavor that you wanted a career in, and you made a plan to make it happen,” Jasmine kept pushing the cart as she spoke and I got quiet.
Of course, the mind reader herself, Jasmine Radan was correct.
Writing didn’t necessarily equal fun for me anymore, that rush I used to get when getting in a groove for a particular story or coming up with a complex rhyme scheme for a poem didn’t make my heart race like it used to. I haven’t sat down and written anything from my heart in a very long time, which is exactly what I did in adolescence, what my best work came from. I’m not even sure if I still know how to write from the heart, how to add passion in my work because I’ve been stagnant for so long. I’m used to the formulaic manner at my job, I know what to edit to make stories sell, what authors to seek out for more content, I have my connections in the world of literature, an established word in that same world, but I still feel nothing.
“Yeah, yeah, so what?” Was my famous rebuttal for Jasmine’s flawless takedown of my so-called
‘Hobby.’
Jasmine chuckled while scooping up catfish fillets for the house as I ticked the item off the list and grabbed packages of ground beef and threw them in the cart.
“What do you mean ‘so what?’” Jasmine mocked me while grabbing the basket once as we walked toward the dairy section.
I eyed her back and Jasmine continued to mock me, before groaning aloud.
“My god, when’s the last time you’ve written for yourself? For the hell of it? Not because you need to edit something for work? Or one of the executives is slacking so you work overtime to not cause any buildup? When was the last time writing was ever fun for you?” She stared at me before reaching into one of the freezers to grab some almond milk and french vanilla creamer.
I didn’t have words, so I just stared at my phone and kept ticking off our grocery list.
“I don’t mean to uproot you like this or to bring her up again-” My head whipped toward Jasmine’s and she placed the items in our cart and crossed her arms.
“Dude, I haven’t seen you smile the way V makes you smile since you were 14 years old, since when I met you,” I paused next to the cart, not having the guts to look at Jasmine in the eye after something so candid, something that cut me that deep.
“Why are you telling me this?” I finally raised my gaze, looking at a surprisingly calm Jasmine, who only put a hand to my shoulder and squeezed slightly.
“Because it’s something you need to think about, especially considering the situation you’re in,” She took her hand away and leaned over my shoulder to look at my list.
Jasmine gripped the basket again and kept pushing, frequently casting me looks over her shoulder to make sure I continued to follow her around the store. I quieted after our exchange, or more so Jasmine talking some sense into me, I mulled over her words in my head my memory recalling the specific tones and inflections in my friend’s voice verbatim. We stocked our fridge back up with fruits and vegetables, mostly for Jasmine as she uses them in her smoothies, raided the cookie aisle for a few guilty-pleasure purchases before we headed toward the feminine hygiene section to grab some super packs of pads and tampons.
My eyes narrowed on the U by Kotex brand of pads, my mouth turning downward, “These are $2 more expensive than the last time were at the store,” I grabbed the package and put them into the cart anyway as Jasmine giggled behind me.
“And when was the last time?” She was baiting me, knowing I knew the exact date.
“43 days ago,” I mumbled out haphazardly as Jasmine tapped my shoulder again.
“Never change,” She kissed my cheek and continued to push the cart.
I turned to follow her, taking a singular step, before I faltered and groaned, loudly.
Ow, ow, ow, FUCK! V. Oh my fucking god.
I dropped to a knee in the store and gripped my head, pain searing from my temples down toward my arms, knees, legs, I folded like a lawn chair. While collapsing, Jasmine turned her head right as my eyes squeezed shut and my breath began to get heavy, with every single beat of my heart pain shot from my head toward my extremities. My other knee dropped and my hands hit the floor, scaping the tile then beginning to clench and unclench.
It hurts… V, again, her voice a little weaker.
My vision blurred as I continued to keep my gaze on my hands, barely registering the fact Jasmine had turned the cart around and knelt beside me. Her questions fell on deaf ears as the pain clouded any of my judgment or perception of reality, the only thing I could focus on was what was in my head.
What hurts V? Tell me and maybe I can... I trailed, weakening, then couldn’t finish as I felt the vague sensation of Jasmine helping me to my feet.
My skin had gotten slick, forehead damp as the pain had caused my body to overheat. I could feel my face flushing and I saw the numerous pairs of eyes on me in the grocery store as Jasmine continued to push the cart around, finding a self-checkout so that she could monitor me. I kept seeing Jasmine’s lips move but never hearing anything she said, the only thing I could comprehend was the thundering of my heartbeat and my panting breaths.
I did something bad, something stupid. Please don’t be mad- Her words sounded even weaker now.
I was now open mouth panting, chest heaving as the pain brought ringing to my ears. It flickered from side to side, each pass disconnecting me from my physical form in the grocery store and only bringing me closer to the immense emotional turmoil I felt.
I can’t be upset because it’s my fault V, don’t blame yourself for my weakness. My memory blurred after I sent the reply to V.
I don’t remember getting in the cab, driving home, how Jasmine got the groceries inside, but I vaguely recall my back hitting my bed and staring up at my ceiling.
Jasmine had laid next to me, wrapping an arm across my mid-section as she began to rock the two of us as I experienced wave after wave of intense pain. It ran shutters down my spine, caused my teeth to clench, small groans to leave my lips.
I should’ve been stronger for you N. Weaker than before, but I heard V’s voice again.
You were strong enough, this isn’t your fault, it’s mine. I winced again, sniffling slightly, I don’t deserve you. With my eyes facing the ceiling of my room, barely registering the lilac color, I felt tears spring out from the side of my eyes and dribble downward.
A slight stirring of sorrow filled my chest but it was nothing compared to the pain.
Let me choose what I deserve and I know that choice will have you in it. V was so sincere, despite the weakness and I choked up more, the sobs beginning to echo and I felt Jasmine’s arm tighten.
I know, which is why I have to do this. I brushed my tears back and began to concentrate.
Do what? She asked of me, but I stayed silent.
N? She asked of me again and I remained silent.
I took a deep breath and concentrated on isolation. What my life felt like before V had tumbled into it, I focused on my routines, my jobs, my relationship with Jasmine, but most of all, I concentrated and honed in on the silence in my head. I felt the quiet return, bringing me back to a subspace where I sat in a room and the only emotions I worried about were my own, where I didn’t have to worry about my thoughts slipping through the cracks, hiding my identity to someone, never experiencing passion and sexual experiences that were ever fulfilling. I went back to before this all began, to the woman I was before I met V.
What are you doing…? I can’t- I can’t feel you as much- V’s voice had quieted in my head.
The pain began to subside, I kept breathing deep, telling myself that cutting her off was going to be what was best for her, so I continued.
N, stop please, I’m losing you- Her voice cut out and the pain dropped completely.
I took a deep breath, gasping for much-needed air. Jasmine leaned up and looked over at me, eyeing me up, “Are you okay? Is she okay?” she asked and I nodded.
“She will be,” I replied as I heard the sounds of ambulance sirens and yelling on her V’s side of the link fizzle out completely.
~
It was strange. Waking up with a quieted head, slight pressure on the bridge of my nose, but quiet nonetheless. I severed the link, as far I could tell, I couldn’t even feel a remnant of V even if I tried, the last sounds of sirens comforting me because at least someone there in her life gave her the help that I couldn’t provide. I’ve built an impenetrable wall, structured brick-by-brick by my isolation and mental capability.
I felt the bond end, our connection wither and die, and then I felt nothing at all, nothing more than the sound of my breathing, my sobbing, and Jasmine’s whispers telling me to rest.
I told Jasmine what happened next morning, I could tell she was upset but she had said her piece at Whole Foods the night before, I carved my path, made my decision, now I had to live with it.
With a slight headache settling itself onto me, I pinched the bridge of my nose then settled myself at my desk in my room. I relished in my feelings, and my thoughts, none to share with a woman I’d never meet. Stretching my arms above my head and opening up my work laptop I fell back into the woman I was before I met V, stagnant.
But safe.
Secure.
Comfortable.
I wanted those feelings to be positive so I got cracking on my work, pinching the bridge of my nose now and again to alleviate that pressure.
I made the right decision.
~