Chapter Text
“I can’t believe we broke in.” Laura muttered, watching from her seat on the couch as Carmilla added more broken planks of wood to the fireplace.
“It’s your house.” Carmilla shrugged. “They can’t just take away your home because the government decided to quarantine you. They’ll have to give it back to you.”
Laura shook her head. “I can’t live here.”
Carmilla sat down beside her on the couch. They were close, but she’d made sure to leave a decent amount of space between them. “Why not?”
“This is my family’s house.” She looked around. “I could never live here without them. Besides, I could never afford it on my own either.”
“I could help you.” Carmilla offered. “I know you said I could stay with you until I find my own place, but if you wanted to…I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of being roommates again.”
Laura stared at the fire. “I can’t even think about the future right now. It feels wrong to even try. Like, how can I start planning what’s next when I still haven’t fully processed what’s already happened? Carm, you were Infected. You were tortured. You almost died. And I killed someone.” Her hands grew shaky as she spoke. “I…I killed someone. I took a human life. She was shitty person, no argument there, but she was a person. I feel like the police are going to show up any minute. I’m going to end up in prison, I can feel it. And it’ll be just like Silas. Sitting inside all day, surrounded by guards with guns, being told when to eat and where to go. I can’t think about what to do with my freedom when I don’t know what will happen to me.”
Carmilla took Laura’s hands into her own. “No one will find out about Klaus. If they do, a lot more people than just you will go down for it. Me, your friends, Klaus’s assistants that took off, any guards that knew about it, my mother. Everyone who knows about you killing Klaus helped cover it up. If someone talks, we all go down. My mother isn’t going to let that happen. She’s probably paid off everyone that knew anything about it by now.”
“People are going to go after Silas. We’re probably going to end up in a courtroom testifying against your mother. We’re going to have to tell them about Klaus and what she did to us.”
“That doesn’t mean we have to tell them that you killed her.”
Laura avoided looking at her. “They’re going to ask us what happened to her.”
“And we’ll say that we don’t know. Everyone will say that they don’t know. You heard what my mother said. The story is that Klaus took off when they found out what she was doing. We have to stick to that story.”
“What if someone decides to tell the truth? What if someone who worked there says that your mother ordered them to keep it quiet?”
“They still can’t prove that you did it. There weren’t any cameras, and I doubt that my mother would’ve left any evidence sitting around. Laura, I know you’re scared to think about the future. I know that you don’t want to get your hopes up and have them crushed. I completely understand all of that because I feel it too. But look around. We’re out. We’re alive. You’re right, I was sick. I was Klaus’s lab rat. I almost died. And yes, you killed someone. But here we are. After everything that we’ve been through, we made it out. We survived.”
Laura nodded. “Do you ever feel guilty…that we survived when so many others didn’t?”
Carmilla tucked a stray lock of hair behind Laura’s ear. “Don’t think about it like that. Think about how you’re alive, by some twist of luck or fate…and just appreciate that.”
“I appreciate it, I do. And I know it’s silly of me to be like this but…I don’t know, I just feel like I shouldn’t feel happy right now. There’s so many reasons not to be happy.”
“I know I said that I didn’t want to go, but maybe we should try the support group thing.”
Laura squeezed Carmilla’s hands. “Are you sure?”
She nodded. “If it’ll help you, we can go.”
“We.” Laura smiled. “I like the sound of that.”
Carmilla started to reply but a sharp crackle from the fireplace, sounding something like a snap of someone’s fingers, sent her entire body rigid. Her eyes were wide with fear, her jaw was clenched, and her hands held on to Laura’s so tightly that Laura feared the bones in her hand would break. Afraid she might make things worse, Laura said nothing. They sat in silence as Carmilla calmed.
“Sorry.” Carmilla looked away.
“It’s okay.” Laura thought back to the scene of Carmilla writhing on the floor in Dr. Klaus’s office. “It’s not your fault.”
She was quiet for a few moments. “Do you think I’ll always be like this?”
“I don’t know. We could try talking to someone about it. Like a professional. Maybe a therapist or a psychiatrist or a psychologist or…whoever would be able to help.”
“Professionals.” Carmilla scoffed while running a hand through her hair. “The people who hurt us were professionals. Just because someone is supposed to help you…it doesn’t mean that they will.”
“We’ll do whatever you want.” Laura pulled her into a hug on the couch.
Carmilla lightly kissed Laura’s shoulder. “Right now, the only thing I know I want is to be with you. You’re the only thing in my life that makes sense. Every time I try to think of the future, of what I should do next…you’re always by my side in every scenario.”
Laura pulled back just enough to see the other girl’s face. “Is this your way of asking me to be your girlfriend?”
Carmilla smiled. “Don’t act like you don’t want it to be.”
Laura matched her smile. “I would love to be your girlfriend.”
In the soft lighting of the fire, they kissed.
“This feels like the first time all over again.” Carmilla admitted. “Maybe we should pretend like it is.”
“No.” Laura kissed her again. “We can’t forget about what happened to us. It’s a part of who we are now. We don’t have to live in the past, but we can’t pretend like it never happened. I don’t want to forget. Silas was awful, and so many horrible things happened there…but it’s where we met. It’s where we became best friends, where we had our first kiss. It’s where we were destined to be another failed love story, but survived.”
“You’re right.” Carmilla agreed. “No forgetting.”
“And no regretting.” Laura added.
Carmilla smirked. “Aren’t you the one that said you can’t regret something that you had no control over?”
“Exactly my point.”
“So you don’t regret killing Klaus?”
Laura took a few moments to carefully form her reply. “It was self-defense. There’s no telling what she would have done to us if I hadn’t. She could have killed us. I don’t regret protecting us, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t feel bad about taking a human life.”
Carmilla turned her gaze to the fire. “You were right, it’s hard to be happy when we have a million reasons not to be.”
Laura placed a soft kiss against Carmilla’s cheek. “I’m happy to be here with you. I’m happy to be out of Silas. Happy to be alive. Happy to be back in real clothes. Happy that we’re both healthy. Happy to be yours.”
Draping her arm across Laura’s shoulders and pulling her close, Carmilla sighed. “I used to think about this day all the time. About getting out, and about what I would do. This is better than anything I ever dreamed.”
Two weeks later, in an event room on the second floor of a notoriously sketchy public library, the Silas support group was gathered. A tray of homemade cookies sat on a table beside a water cooler. The door was propped open, and it was already five minutes past starting time, but the co-founders kept glancing toward it hoping that a few more people might show. There was small crowd, sixteen people to be exact, who had actually turned up. Two more than the first meeting, but still nowhere near the eight hundred or so that had been invited. Among those present were Laura, Carmilla, Perry, LaFontaine, Danny, and Kirsch.
Finally accepting that no one else was coming, Betty and a fellow ex-counselor Tyrone started the meeting.
Tyrone scanned the group. “Laura, would you like to introduce yourself first?”
Laura glanced around the circle. “Is that really necessary? We all already know each other.”
Betty, who was remarkably closer to acting like her old self again, put on a fake smile. “No excuses. This is your first time at a Silas support group meeting, so introduce yourself.”
Riddled with a case of déjà vu, Laura relented. “Hi everyone. As all of you know, my name is Laura Hollis. I was never sick, but I was placed in the Infected ward after trying to break out. I’m sure LaFontaine and Perry told you guys all about that last week at your first meeting. I meant to go to that, but I was stuck at the bank trying to get my family’s house back. It’s still an ongoing negotiation at this point, but I’m staying hopeful.”
Betty directed her attention to Carmilla, who was slouched low in her chair. “And you?”
She shrugged. “Carmilla. Cured.”
Not bothering to ask for a more detailed introduction, Betty moved on. “Now that introductions are out of the way, does anyone have an update or news that they would like to share with the group?”
Perry’s hand shot into the air. “As expected, legal action is being taken against Silas. A pair of lawyers who were in the Over Thirties, Jordan and Jon, have been working on getting a case ready for months. They’re predicting that a jury will be very interested in hearing their first-hand accounts. They want to know how many of us would be willing to testify against Silas.” Perry glanced to Carmilla. “They’re not just going after the doctors. They want to bring down the entire board and the Director. They’re optimistic, but prepared to take a financial settlement if it comes down to it.”
“I’m cool with getting a check.” Kirsch announced. “I don’t care if they serve jail time. They’ll rot in Hell for what they did to us either way.”
Danny nodded. “I heard there’s already been an assassination attempt on one of doctors. Vordenburg, I think. They’ll all get what’s coming to them.”
Betty shifted uneasily in her chair. “Did they mention anything about the counselors?”
Perry shook her head. “I can e-mail them and ask, but I don’t know what they plan on doing.”
Betty dropped her gaze to the floor, and said nothing further on the issue.
When the meeting ended, Laura convinced Carmilla to go out for dinner with the group. Though Carmilla made no attempts to socialize with LaFontaine, Perry, Danny, or Kirsch, they had a pleasant outing. Laura was overjoyed to catch up with her friends. It had been strange not seeing them every day, but they fell back into their old routine of jokes and amicable bickering with ease.
LaFontaine and Perry were already planning a trip to Eastern Europe together. The international travel ban was still in effect, but it would certainly be lifted by the summer. Perry had already returned to school, as had LaFontaine. They were determined not to let their time in Silas hinder their future careers. Kirsch and Danny were on the same page as Laura and Carmilla. They weren’t sure what they wanted to do, or where they should go from here, but they certainly weren’t going to let their freedom go to waste. Danny talked about moving away from the city and finding a quiet town surrounded by nature. Kirsch, after discovering that his longtime boyfriend had not been faithful to him while he was gone, said that he would probably go back to his hometown and spend time with his family.
“What about you, Laura?” LaFontaine asked as the waiter began passing out their checks. “Do you know what you’re going to do next?”
“No.” She answered honestly. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot though. If I go to a university, I want to wait until the fall. For now, I just need to get a job so I can try to keep my family’s house. I won’t keep it for long, but I’m not ready to let go of it just yet.”
The group nodded and turned expectantly to Carmilla, who rolled her eyes. “I’ll go wherever she goes.”
Danny grinned. “Aw, that’s so sweet.”
Carmilla scoffed but said nothing. Laura reached for her hand under the table before changing the subject. “So how about that last election, huh? Can’t believe we missed out on that one.”
That night, once Laura and Carmilla had returned to the Hollis residence, they had a hard time keeping their hands off of each other. Months of pent up frustration had returned to them in full force, it seemed.
Between kisses, Laura said, “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”
Already pulling her shirt over her head, Carmilla replied, “I want to. Do you?”
“Of course.” Laura smiled into their kiss as Carmilla began unbuttoning her pants. When they were off, she worked on removing Laura’s clothes. She took her time, and kept the pace slow.
There was nothing rushed or sloppy about their movements. Every kiss packed a punch full of desire, each light trace of fingers against skin left a burning trail. Laura had waited a long time for Carmilla to touch her, and she wasn’t about to let her excitement or eagerness ruin the night. She wanted it slow, she wanted to be teased and touched. She wanted Carmilla pressed against her as the firelight danced across their bare skin.
“I love you.” Carmilla muttered the words against Laura’s lips as she dropped the last of her clothing to the floor.
Laura searched the other girl’s eyes, unsure of what she was looking for. “I love you, too.”
Their lips met again as Carmilla backed them up to the couch. Laura found herself on her back with Carmilla straddling her hips. Carmilla kissed down her jaw, her neck, her collar bone, her chest. She stopped to lick around a hard nipple. Taking it into her mouth and lightly sucking, she moved one of her hands down to find Laura’s clit. Going into sensory overload, Laura tried to keep herself in check. She wanted this moment to last, but Carmilla’s fingers were doing incredible things to her. Sliding a finger inside, Carmilla smirked at the sound of Laura’s moan. She kissed further down, until her mouth was between Laura’s thighs. She started with a light kiss to her clit, followed by a swift flick of her tongue. Every movement of her fingers or press of her lips or lick of her tongue caused Laura’s hips to move on their own. Her body was craving release, and Carmilla was doing everything she could to get her there. Laura’s breath caught in her throat, her toes curled, and her mouth fell open. The feeling of coming against Carmilla’s tongue had her seeing stars.
Carmilla kissed her way back up Laura’s body before reaching her lips. Still trying to catch her breath, Laura tried to flip them over so that she would be on top of Carmilla. They tumbled off the couch to the floor, both landing awkwardly on their sides.
“Okay, ouch.” Carmilla chuckled as Laura quickly moved to lay on top of her.
“Sorry.” Laura laughed. “I forgot where we were for a second.”
Carmilla kissed her lips before asking, “Was that good for you?”
Laura smiled. “I’ll show you how good it felt.”
—
One Year Later
Laura placed the bouquet of flowers on the grass between the headstones. It was never easy to see her parents’ names etched into the marble, but was always easier to handle with Carmilla by her side.
“I hate to cut this visit short, guys…” Laura interlaced her fingers with Carmilla’s as she spoke to the headstones. “But we have dinner plans with a few friends tonight. We haven’t seen them since the Silas trials, so it’s kind of a big reunion thing. I know last time we came to visit we said that we’d start going to the support group meetings again, but we’ve just been so busy lately. I got into that international journalism class I told you about. It’s going good so far. The first exam is coming up soon, but Carm’s already offered to stay up all night and help me study. You guys are probably tired of hearing me say this by now, but I really think that you’d love her.” Laura looked at her girlfriend. “I know I do.”
Carmilla smiled. “I love you, too.”
Laura took in a deep breath and looked up at the sunset. “We don’t want to keep our friends waiting. We’ll come back to visit soon, I promise.”
Without another word, Laura dropped Carmilla’s hand and began trudging up the hill back to the car. Carmilla started to follow her, but stopped. She turned back to face the headstones. “I don’t really believe that either of you are listening to this…but if you are…I just wanted to say that she’ll be okay.” Carmilla whispered, watching the flowers dance in the wind. “And I know you can’t really give me your blessings, but I’m going to ask her to marry me. Not now, not even this year. I’ll wait until graduation, probably. But I wanted you two to be the first to know.”
“Carm, you coming?” Laura’s voice carried throughout the cemetery.
“My lady awaits.” Carmilla smiled. “You guys don’t have to worry about us.” She glanced up the hill at Laura. “We’re going to be okay.”