Chapter Text
Satoru stared down into the flowing river, wondering how the cold water would feel like surrounding him, brushing up against his skin. How it would feel to struggle against letting the heavy liquid inside his lungs. And how it would finally feel like to give in, to let it all go. He wondered if anyone would miss him. He wondered if someone would remember him, if someone would spare him a single thought. Yet lately it seemed like no one really needed him, and what is a human being’s purpose, when they are no longer needed? None, he supposed.
He didn’t feel like being here. Honestly, it was embarrassing to exist. He didn’t care what other people thought of him, yet the times he did, messed with his head. Why did everybody in this world hate him? They didn’t hate him, he was just being silly. Why would anybody even spare him, a nobody, a glance? No one really cared about him. They didn’t listen when he talked, they didn’t ask why he looked down. Yet somehow, they all still managed to hate him. Even though he knew they didn’t, they didn’t, why would they? Who says they even have time to think about him? Oh, but they loathed him. All of them. But it was fine. He loathed them too. He didn’t care. He didn’t. Except when he did.
He hated himself.
He hated everyone.
Why was no one really on his side?
Why didn’t anyone ever care the same amount as he did?
In what way was he worse than everybody else?
Just as he took a step closer to the edge of an old worn out bridge he had been standing on, he felt a warm hand grab his, he felt the warmth yet he didn’t. He knew no one would actually care enough to understand him. Fuck. He wished he’d never been born. He felt disgusting. Living made him feel disgusting.
Another hand grabbed his, now his fist was being sandwiched between two very warm palms.
He wondered who the hell would even want to touch him.
Satoru finally looked away from the flowing water, turning his head to his right to see who this person was.
Megumi.
His sweet Megumi.
How had he forgotten the only person in his life that mattered. The only one who made his head turn when he walked into the room. Megumi was the only one who still made him feel alive.
“Toru-nii, I don’t think that’s safe,” Megumi said with wide concern filled eyes. Satoru wanted to laugh. He wanted to scream. He wanted to hit himself. How had he made his little Megumi upset? How was he ever going to leave this little boy all alone? He couldn’t do that. How could he? Megumi was his. He was Megumi’s. No one would take him away from the boy, not even himself.
He smiled coldly, staring past Megumi, wondering if he was going to stay by his side when he grew up. Well, he’d probably be back at some point, he told himself. And even if he won’t come back, he would be fine with knowing Megumi is happy.
Satoru pulled Megumi in an embrace, holding him tight.
“I’m sorry for making you worry, Megumi-chan.”
He’d never guessed that his little flower would grow legs and walk out of his life a few years later.
Now how had he managed that?
Well, Satoru had just simply let him go.
‘He’d come back.’
Well he quite exactly didn’t but here he was now, sitting on a bench a few steps away from him. No matter how much Megumi ran from him, he’d still end up next to him. He decided, by the younger man’s expression, that Megumi had had enough running around. He was ready to come back to his side.
---
“There we go,” Satoru smiled, but it soon dropped as he thought of something. “Why’d you never answer my calls?” he asked with a hint of sadness in his voice. Satoru usually never portrayed sadness this openly, Megumi always remembers the man hiding his emotions behind a cocky smirk. Making himself look dumb just to forget what he’s hiding beneath. Playing an idiotic character to busy himself, yet when it was just the two of them, just Satoru and Megumi, he’d sometimes drop the act. Would sigh and drop his face in his palms while sitting down on their shared couch. Megumi would always go stand in front of him, pat him on the head when the older man was really hurting. And in response, Satoru would raise his head and pull him in a hug. They would just stay like that. Just the two of them. And Megumi would just keep on petting Satoru’s hair, trying to soothe the man. No tears would ever fall from those eyes. That was Satoru’s first quality that Megumi could relate to.
“You never called,” he forced out, it had become hard to speak for some reason. He missed the times he had spent with this man, though at the time he couldn’t wait to leave. Not because he didn’t want to stay with Satoru, he had just wanted to be able to take care of himself. Yet here he was, sitting on a random bench while thinking about useless things that won’t matter in the long run.
“Yes I fucking did,” Megumi could sense the anger in his voice, this was new, “thought you didn’t wanna see me anymore, had to ask Nobara for the updates.”
“Boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, new friends, old friends coming back, your new apartment, university life, hang-outs, a teacher troubling you, everything, she was happy to tell me too.”
Megumi could hear the desperation in the man’s voice. Had he really cared about him this much? Sure didn’t feel like it when he first moved out, the guy had asked for the key back with a disgusting smile on his face. Megumi remembers wanting to punch him, wanting to beat that mocking smile off Satoru’s face. And when Megumi would look at him questioningly, the explanation offered was something like the man wanting to give it to one of his women. Or men. Megumi wasn’t really sure, since the man whored around with anyone. Well used to. Or still does. He doesn’t quite know.
“Maybe you should’ve fucking called then,” Megumi probably shouldn’t have gotten angry, but Satoru sounded so different, so not like him. And he had no clue if this was only because of him or was this a part of his new self.
“But I did,” he sounded so defeated.
“No, see-,” Megumi reached into the secret pocket in his jacket. ‘Oh, right.’ He remembered leaving his phone behind. “I don’t have my phone on me, but you never called,” he informs the man, not willing to back down. Satoru really hadn’t called.
And then he remembered.
“Wait,” he paused, “which number do you have?”
Megumi remembers dropping his phone in a river on his moving out day. It all happened when he was thinking about how Satoru had sent him off. He remembers cursing the man. He also remembers trying to call Nobara to pick him up, but dropping his phone on the ground. He was by the river, sitting where the ground started dropping, forming a nice little trench for the river to flow in. So, of course the phone had fallen in the water before Megumi could even register what had happened. The flowing water took the device with it while it slowly kept sinking. Megumi remembers feeling so defeated. Yet he was still mad at Satoru, so he didn’t inform the man of this incident, later forgetting it even happened.
And since Megumi only has a few friends, he just told them his new number and went along with his life.
Alright, so this probably was his fault. He had just thought Satoru was very content with him leaving and never bothered to reach out.
Megumi stared as the man took out his phone and searched for the contact. Last called a few hours ago. He was an absolute fool. Why would he think this man wouldn’t give a damn about him? He had been with him at his lowest. It had always been the two of them.
And maybe Megumi regrets moving out, just a little.
Satoru gently offered his phone to him and Megumi could tell right away that this was not his current number. How the hell had Nobara managed to talk about everything but his new number? This truly baffled Megumi. Yet he never really mentioned Satoru to his friends after the incident, never brought him up, so Nobara probably also thought that he didn’t want anything to do with the man.
“That’s not my number,” he didn’t really offer an explanation, not fully ready to admit that this man’s behaviour had actually upset him in some way. He watched as Satoru turned his phone back at himself, reading through the numbers on the phone and then the contact information. Megumi just sighed and took the phone out of the man’s hand, editing the number took him half a minute and then he was already giving it back to Satoru, who just kept on staring at the screen, looking at it like it was something he’d never seen before, yet still seemed to be fascinated by. He went on to tap on the call button before Megumi could stop him. Satoru seemed disappointed in not hearing any ringing coming from Megumi’s direction.
“Like I said, I forgot my phone at home-” he was interrupted by Yuuji’s voice.
“Megumi? Is this you, man? You ran off so suddenly and we were so worried and you left everything behind-” he reached out to quickly end the call. Who exactly was ‘we’? The girl? Yeah he was sure she was so fucking worried about him right now. Couldn’t they just leave him be and make out or whatever the fuck they wanted to do?
Satoru looked at him in confusion, yet didn’t question him. He offered him a gentle expression, probably trying to comfort him. Satoru didn’t dare touch him for some reason. Instead the man had decided to change the topic: “So you didn’t hate me?” Megumi could only groan in reply and rub at his temples. He had forgotten how annoying this man could be sometimes, but he’d take it. He’d take it if he could finally have back the only person who could soothe his loneliness.
Megumi couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Gojo Satoru with the biggest, most genuine smile he had ever seen. He hadn’t ever witnessed the man like this. And such a bright grin being directed to him, him being the reason for it, all of this was just so new. It made his heart skip a beat. His stomach felt warm. He had to fight off the smile that was tugging at his lips, trying to claw its way out, trying to show itself off to anybody willing to look.
“Can I, uh, hug you?” Satoru asked, voice barely above a whisper. He seemed nervous again, Megumi noted to himself. He wondered why. Why was this man so nervous. Why did he care so much about his opinion? Of what he thought? Why did Gojo Satoru give a damn about a moody college student? Well, they did have a past together but Megumi guessed Satoru would grow tired of the silent treatment and soon forget all about him.
“It’s alright if you don’t, I’ll respect it, I’ll respect you.”
Megumi was once again surprised. Why did this man even put up with him?
He stared at the older man next to him, taking in his altered looks once more. Yet this time he wondered, what had made him change so drastically? New crowd?
“I’m sweaty,” he mumbled as he looked at his feet.
“You know I don’t care about that, ‘Gumi.”
Megumi closed his eyes and inhaled sharply. Okay. They were doing this now. Alright. He opened his arms, initiating the hug. Satoru seemed to be more than happy to be the one actually doing the hugging. When two strong arms wrapped around him, he had to refrain himself from making an embarrassing sound. He wondered if he really was that touch-starved…
The moment Satoru’s grip on him became a bit too desperate, he decided to finally return the hug. He could feel the other man relax into his touch, it somehow calmed Megumi down as well. He wondered how much Satoru had actually missed him. They stayed like that for quite some time, in a comfortable silence. Well it was a bit windy, so it wasn’t exactly a very quiet silence.
“Y’know I felt really empty when you wouldn’t answer my calls.”
“ ‘M sorry.”
---
To Megumi’s surprise, Satoru had invited him over. They managed to catch up a little while walking to Satoru’s quite luxurious apartment. Both talked a bit about what they had been doing lately. Satoru was now even more known by all the important people of the higher class. Satoru was born into wealth, so Megumi wasn’t exactly surprised by this piece of information. He instead wondered how Satoru survived with his new appearance, since the higher class mostly consisted of old conservative men and their trophy wives, not to mention their spoiled little asshole children. Satoru was actually one of those, yet he still managed to be likeable. He wasn’t as bad as the others.
Satoru hadn’t moved out of the apartment they had been living in together before. He hadn’t even changed the interior. Alright, maybe the curtains weren’t black before and maybe Satoru’s bedsheets didn’t look familiar at all, but overall everything seemed to be the same as when he last saw it.
“Feel free to take a shower or lay down wherever you want, it’s your home too,” Satoru reminded Megumi, trying to ease the younger man’s awkwardness. Megumi decided that a shower was the best idea for now, so he did just that. He threw his dirty clothes in the laundry bin in the bathroom and stepped inside the shower, letting the warm water run all over his body. He was more than happy to use Satoru’s expensive hygiene products. He had honestly missed the nice smell of them. They reminded him of home. Their home.
When he got out of the shower, he noticed a towel, an oversized shirt, a pair of sweatpants and boxers placed on a piece of furniture near him. Had Satoru come in here while he was showering? The thought of that embarrassed him, even though to the older man this probably wasn’t a big deal. He quickly dried himself and got dressed, since it was quite cold. He hung the towel on the bathroom door’s handle and went to find Satoru, who seemed to be cooking something in the kitchen.
When the white haired man realized the other had joined him in the cooking area of the apartment, he instructed him to sit down at the table and wait for him to finish the food, since he was almost done. Megumi wondered if his former guardian was trying to make up for never really cooking anything other than pancakes for him when he was younger. He knew very well it wasn’t because the man was lazy, he just wasn’t really allowed in the kitchen, since everything he made ended up burnt. Megumi found himself pondering if Satoru had somehow developed actual cooking skills in the past few years.
The answer was no.
The food was still burnt and Megumi one hundred percent wouldn’t have eaten it if any of his friends had been the one to make this, but since it was Satoru, he quickly grabbed a fork and dug in. The faster he ate the less he’d have to actually taste it.
“Sorry,” Satoru apologized and scratched the back of his head with an awkward smile. “Really thought I had it this time…”
Megumi shook his head in denial: “It’s perfect.”
It really was. He was just happy to eat whatever Satoru had made him.
He wasn’t proud to admit that a few tears fell from his eyes while eating. He realized he had actually slowed down his eating, savouring the taste instead. It tasted horrible, but it was Satoru’s cooking. He had missed it. Had missed this - breakfast, lunch, dinner with Satoru. Just sitting, spending time with each other.
“Is it really that bad?” the older man asked in disbelief, staring straight at Megumi. He had never seen Megumi like this before. He seemed so miserable. He took a few steps towards his companion, hesitating before wrapping his arms around the smaller man once again this night.
“It’s not that,” Megumi whispered, “I just- I just missed this.”
Satoru didn’t know if he should feel ecstatic or crushed. He hugged Megumi tighter, trying to comfort the other. He hoped it offered some kind of support. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t felt the same way, though he had never thought that Megumi would feel like this. That Megumi would miss him. It felt amazing. Someone finally seemed to feel the same way as him. Seemed to care as much as he did.
Satoru ran his hand through Megumi’s still wet hair, trying to soothe him. “Shh, don’t cry,” he tried, “it’s okay, you’re alright, we’re alright.”
This seemed to worsen the other’s sorrowful state - even more tears started running down his cheeks, dropping down from his chin right onto Satoru’s shirt. The older man didn’t mind at all, though seeing him like this did break his heart.
“Megumi, my sweet little blessing, please don’t cry.”
The dark haired man gripped the back of Satoru’s shirt tightly, as if being absolutely terrified the other would leave him.
“I never saw you as a father, never even thought of you like that.”
Megumi could feel Satoru stiffen at that. He probably should’ve added an explanation sooner or started the sentence differently.
“You weren’t like an older brother either.”
“I was always jealous of all of your partners.”
“I think I love you, Satoru.”
This was a lot to take in, though Satoru had guessed the small boy, who always drove away all of his partners, had been a little jealous, but he always thought it had been a fight for attention, not affection.
“Are you absolutely certain? We have a pretty big age gap and I practically raised you, though I admit I never saw you as my son either, but- “ Megumi interrupted the other’s rambling.
“These feelings are the reason I left.”
Satoru thought for a moment. Alright, so it was like this. Okay, this was fine. It was absolutely dandy. He just needed some time to process this.
“Give me until tomorrow to think this through, is that alright?”
Megumi nodded as a reply, but made no move to let the other go. His tears had stopped though.
“There’s actually a party tonight, if you’d like to go with me, get your mind off things?” Satoru offered with a comforting smile. “You can drink, I’ll take care of you, don’t worry,” he added.
He was sure Megumi needed this, needed to let go a little, to relax a bit.
“Okay.”
---
So there they were, both in some form of formal clothing. The party seemed to be quite fancy, Megumi hadn’t expected this. He thought they’d be going to some local club of sorts. Though he didn’t exactly care, he was fine with whatever as long as he could be near Satoru and drink some alcohol.
At first he stayed with Satoru who was making small-talk with some big shots in the business industry. Though he grew tired of it quickly and soon found himself wandering off to buy some drinks from a bartender. Satoru was busy blabbering about some uninteresting topics. So he decided to drink away all of his sorrows. Satoru could drag him home later.
Home.
Yeah, that was his home.
While he was sipping some unknown alcoholic drink, he found his gaze flickering to Satoru’s direction. He felt his mouth go dry when he saw a familiar man with him. Geto Suguru. Megumi had always been jealous of the man, he seemed to have earned Satoru’s trust so effortlessly, meanwhile Megumi had had to build it up for years, then the man had just cut Satoru off, like it was nothing. And now, he had found his way back. Megumi had forgotten all about him. Had forgotten the feeling of jealousy he had felt towards him. The bitter emotion felt disgusting to him, yet not at all unfamiliar.
He decided it was none of his business and kept on drinking, well, maybe he was drinking thrice as fast as before, but he didn’t exactly care that much.
At some point someone decided to join him. He didn’t even realize who it was at first, but when the man had turned to him with a few filitrarious comments, he realized that it was once again, Geto Suguru. He really couldn’t just leave him alone, could he?
“Well you’re all grown up now aren’t you?” The man said as a conversation starter. Megumi offered a sound of acknowledgement and continued with sipping his drink. “Still as cold as I remember, though I suppose pretty boys like you can afford that,” the man chuckled as he gently took Megumi’s glass and drank the remaining liquid.
“I still remember how you poured water all over me whenever I got too close to Satoru,” the man started, smiling to himself. Megumi scowled at that and grabbed his glass back, motioning the bartender to fill it once more.
“I don’t think you’ll get a second chance, so bothering me is useless,” the younger of the two said, not even once glanzing at Suguru. He was tired of the man, he just wanted to drink in peace. Was that really too much to ask for?
“Well, I’m actually here for you.”