Chapter Text
Annis kneels before Arthur and Merlin with her.
(Destiny is set)
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Sometimes she feels like her life is like picking up a handful of sand, (no matter how hard she tries she knows it’ll slip through her fingers eventually.)
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When she returns to Camelot it is as an advisor to Annis. And more than ever she feels like a stranger in a familiar place.
Arthur and Gwen are polite.
Gaius welcomes her with open arms.
Mordred doesn’t meet her eyes.
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Merlin almost doesn’t stop when she passes Arthur in the otherwise empty shell.
‘’ Do you hate me?’’ She asks him.
His shoulders slump, ‘’ I could never hate you Merlin.’’ Merlin wipes the tears from her eyes and gives him a watery smile.
‘’ I could never hate you either.’’
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‘’ You’ve grown up Gwen.’’ Merlin says softly. Her once friend, touches her cheek with a soft hand.
‘’ You’re still the same.’’ Merlin laughs at that because she feels anything but the same.
(Mordred had once told her that Emrys means immortal).
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Rough lips bruise hers as hands dance across her skin, and once again she is undone beneath him.
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‘’Why haven’t you told Arthur yet?’’
‘’ For the same reason you didn’t tell him all those years ago.’’
‘’ But you’ll be king someday.’’
‘’ No I won’t’’ She gives him a questioning look.
‘’ Albion will still fall Emrys.’’
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‘’ You should of left me in my ignorance.’’ She tells Kilgharrah.
(I would have been happier).
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Sometimes when they lie together afterwards he’ll trace runes onto her skin.
Once, she giggles as he traces one into her side, and everything freezes for a moment. He starts to pull his hand away-
‘’ Don’t stop it’s…soothing.’’ She expects him to dress and leave, but instead he resumes his drawing. (They resume their pretending.)
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‘’ I am afraid I must leave your employ.’’
Annis does not look surprised.
‘’ That is a pity.’’
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Merlin finds a druid encampment just outside of the borders of Camelot.
Arthur builds Albion as she watches from afar, only using her magic when necessary.
(Knowing that every victory brings him closer to his death)
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Merlin often wonders if the Kilgharrah was wrong, that Mordred was her darkness and she his light.
(But then she thinks that they’ve bled into each other somehow, and now they are both just different shades of grey.)
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Merlin no longer dreams anymore- not of Mordred, Arthur, Gwen, Gaius, nor of anything that is to come. Now her dreams are nothing more than darkness.
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Arthur finds her in the druid camp.
‘’ Gaius is dead.’’ Merlin blinks and lets out a sigh, (because she has no tears left to spare for the man who was like a father to her).
‘’ I- you may come for the burial.’’
She shakes her head, ‘’ No need. I said my goodbyes a long time ago.’’
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Then it is Gwen who finds her.
‘’ I’m going to a nunnery.’’ Merlin nods and her Gwen looks her at with apprehension, ‘’ did you know about everything? About all that’s happened- did you know?’’
‘’ Some.’’ She answers and Gwen seems to take it into stride.
‘’ You’ll look out for Arthur now. Won’t you?’’
‘’ Always.’’
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She returns to Camelot and she can feel the heaviness that incases the kingdom. When she finds Arthur he is looking out at the kingdom he has built.
‘’ So you’ve come back.’’ Merlin says nothing in reply, but lays a comforting hand on his shoulder.
‘’ I’m so sorry Arthur.’’
He tenses, ‘’ After all this time, why have you come back?’’
Merlin smiles, ‘’ because I’ll always be your friend Arthur, no matter what.’’ They stand in palpable silence before he speaks again.
‘’ Mordred has left. They say he’s amassing an army.’’
‘’ I know.’’ Silence again.
‘’ Am I going to die Merlin?’’ Her throat tightens as she squeezes her eyes shut.
‘’ No,’’
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Merlin watches as Arthur signs his name at the bottom of the document.
‘’ I know it’s too little too late, but…’’ Arthur trails off and they are both left to contemplate what is too come.
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‘’Mordred’s army has already made camp in Camallan.’’ Arthur pours over maps as his knights gather around him. (It won’t matter she wants to tell them, you’ll lose- you’ll always lose).
‘’ Are you listening?’’ Arthur asks with an annoyed sound. She nods and everyone turns their attention back to the maps. For a moment Merlin looks around the table at the men’s faces and see’s them all bloody- all dying.
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Gwaine hands her a piece of apple which she takes gratefully, feeling the sweet juice drip down the corner of her mouth.
‘’ Do you regret coming to Camelot?’’ She asks him, finishing off her piece of fruit.
He gives her another and shakes his head, ‘’ No. Camelot gave me a home- a family, ‘’ he looks at her, ‘’ do you?’’
Merlin shrugs, ‘’ Sometimes,’’ at his questioning look she continues,’’ if I had stayed in Ealdor I would have been bored- life was tedious there and,’’ she hesitates, ‘’ I was never really happy.’’ She takes a deep breath and another bite of fruit swallowing hard, ‘’ Camelot was….adventure, excitement- a new start. I just never thought it would bring me such pain.’’
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‘’Do you love him?’’ Arthur asks her one day.
‘’ Since when did we share our feelings?’’ Her voice is wry and it makes him smile a little, ‘’ Why do you want to know?’’
‘’ Because,’’ he hesitates before tripping over his next few words, ‘’ I don’t want you to-what I mean is,’’ he stops and swallows, ‘’ are you going to kill him?’’ Merlin sits back in her chair as Arthur’s face darkens.
‘’ Eventually,’’ She says finally.
Arthur squeezes his eyes shut as if in pain.
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Merlin stares at Kilgharrah expectantly, ‘’ Why did you tell me what was going to happen? Everything,’’ she gestures to the woods around her, ‘’ would have ended up the same.’’
‘’ Do you think I wanted this future for you young sorceress? Did you thing I did not try to change what is to come?’’
‘’ Will you help me one last time then?’’ She asks.
‘’ Of course Merlin.’’ He rumbles.
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Merlin was not surprised to find Mordred in her tent the night before the battle.
‘’What’s wrong?’’ (Because she forgot to pretend not to care.) She reaches out and brushes her fingertips across his cheek- surprised to find his face wet with tears.
He crawls over to her and lays his head on her lap.
She curls her hands into his hair as silent sobs wrack his body.
In the past she may have hoped that he had changed his mind- his destiny, (but she has forgotten how to hope). They stay like that until he falls asleep and she carefully moves him until they lie together side by side.
When she wakes in the morning he is gone.
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Merlin ushers his servant out and finishes Arthur’s armor, ‘’ Just like old times.’’ Merlin hands him Excalibur and snorts.
‘’ Yeah. Of course it doesn’t help that you’re still a prat.’’ They both chuckle.
‘’ And you’re still an incompetent servant.’’ They both laugh harder until tears stream down their faces and she is leaning on him for support.
She steps back and he touches her cheek for a moment.’’ I’m sorry I could not love you more Merlin.’’
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Screams ring through the air, the smell of flesh burning as Kilgharrah reigns fire down on Mordred’s army, and sorcerers scramble as she opens the ground beneath them- stepping over bodies and maneuvering her way to where Mordred and Arthur face each other.
‘Clang, clang, clang,’ the sound of steel on steel rings across the field.
She loses her breathe as Mordred’s sword runs Arthur through. (She has seen this moment over and over- running through her mind, and yet the reality of it still makes her heart ache.)
Arthur meets her eyes as he collapses onto his knees, and with one last bit of strength he pierces Excalibur through Mordred.
Merlin runs to the two men, flickering her eyes to Mordred, ‘’ Go.’’ He tells her.
She kneels beside Arthur and places a hand on his wound.
‘’ I-I- couldn’t let you…kill him’’ He rasps. Merlin presses down on the wound as he struggles for a moment.
‘’ Come on.’’ She slings one of his arms around her shoulders and lifts him.
‘’ What are you-‘’ Hiss full weight falls on her, and she can feel her muscles strain to keep them both upright.
‘’ You didn’t think I was going to let you die, did you?’’
‘’ But-‘’ she shushes and licks her lips as they approach the water- a boat awaiting him.
In an instant he is lifted on to the boat- taken from her. His eyes no longer seeing. Merlin takes his hand, ‘’ One day,’’ she breathes, ‘’ we shall see each other again.’’ Without a word of acknowledgment the two women who occupy the boat start to row and disappear into the mist.
Her body now soaked with blood- she makes her way back to Mordred.
He is gasping as she lays his head in her lap.
‘’ You took him,’’ he struggles out and she smiles, ‘’ good.’’ He breathes. Merlin closes her eyes as his breathing slows and he stares at the circling dragons above. ‘’ We shall meet each other again.’’ He does not say it as a question. ‘’ Merlin’’ He closes his eyes as she reaches down- his last breath on her lips.
(Overhead storm clouds gather)