Work Text:
“I’m not suicidal, not today anyway.” That memory of being stuck in the tunnel is one that had stuck with Antigone. She kept fighting that day and she survived, that was a day where she could have died and she hadn't wanted to. She could have given up and yet she was still here.
Today was different. Today she didn't want to carry on, she couldn't see a point, she had no future, no plan and no way off the island, forever to be stuck in a mortuary with only the company of dead bodies. Her suicide attempt number was growing, most of them she knew she would live though, she knew the human body too well, knew its limits, but most of the time she just wanted to feel what it was like to not exist or have to live through another minute of this god forsaken life, and sometimes, the nothingness afterwards was more than enough.
Today she was ready to let it all go and not be Antigone Funn any longer. But how, how did she want to end it? Pills were painful and took a long time, self harm was too familiar, if it went wrong and she survived she would have more scars to cover and hide from everyone. There wasn't anywhere with a significant enough height to jump from and do some real damage. She had seen so many deaths, how did they make it so effortless, most of them were accidents too, nothing she could really pull off.
She sat in the arm chair in the mortuary, her knees up and hugging them. She had lost herself in her thoughts but her train of thought was broken by a swinging of the door and a chipper voice.
“Afternoon, how are we?” It was Georgie, of course it was Georgie. She kept quiet, and wiped her tears away, hopefully before Georgie could notice, unfortunately she was too slow.
“Bad day huh.” Georgie spoke quietly, her brow furrowed with worry, she pulled up the foot stool and sat in front of Antigone, watching her closely to see if any harm was done physically. Although, it seemed today was mentally harmful so far.
Antigone didn't move, she was still trying to pull away from her previous thoughts, they were lingering like a ghost.
Georgie took Antigone’s hands and rubbed circles into the back of them. Georgie was never sure if her girlfriend liked physical contact but she didn't pull away so she carried on.
“It’s okay, look at how much you have got through when you didn't think you could, you are strong Antigone and you can get through this even if it doesn't seem possible. And I’m here with you every step of the way.” Georgie spoke softly as she carefully watching her reactions, there was nothing, no movement, just her blank stares. She had seen Antigone depressed and in a bad way many of times but it was rarely this severe.
Georgie let go of Antigone’s right hand and tucked the hair back behind the other woman’s ear, before speaking again.
“Look at me Antigone, you’ll be okay. I’ve got you. And look, you can get through this then you can finish tattooing the colour into this rose, right here. Cause that's another day of fighting you’ve got through.” Georgie began tracing the shape of a half coloured rose on Antigone’s left arm. Her arm was covered in roses and leaves, Georgie knew Antigone did them herself, outlining when she needed to self harm, colour when she got through another suicidal day. There were some partly coloured red roses and green leaves but dotted throughout were black filled leaves and petals, the attempted suicide days. Georgie could still see the self harm scars underneath the tattoos as bumps and lines on the skin but she was still beautiful and Georgie could see Antigone’s strength through all of it.
“Look at all this you have gone through and you have still come out on top. A 100% success rate of getting through this.” Antigone’s eyes closed and another tear rolled down her cheek which Georgie swiftly wiped away.
“Thank you Georgie.” She finally spoke, her voice cracking.
“Work is over for the day, why don't you come and lie down? I can make you tea?” Georgie smiled, it had been a long day and a good lie down sounded great.
“Don’t leave me.” Antigone almost let out a sob, she hated being alone on nights when she felt like this because there was nothing to help and there was never anything she could do about that. But tonight, maybe Georgie could stay and she would make everything feel worth it. Georgie held both her hands once again and gave them a small squeeze.
“I'm not going to, not if you don't want me to. Come on, let's get you to bed.” Georgie stood up, she held on to her hands while she waited patiently for Antigone to get her thoughts in order and joined her standing. Georgie held Antigone’s hands as they took the short walk to Antigone’s bedroom which was through a door on the far side of the mortuary. It was dark and the bed was old but that didn't matter. Georgie let go of one of Antigone’s hands to move the covers aside and gestured for Antigone to get in, Georgie joined her and patted the duvet down on top of them.
“Come ‘ere.” Georgie pulled Antigone to rest her head on her shoulder and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
Antigone untensed slightly and let out a sigh. It was worth it, and it does get better, she thought. She had someone who understood and who would stay with her when the going got tough. Georgie was worth it. Tomorrow she would fill in the rose and be glad she was still here. She would keep fighting as long as she had someone or something to fight for.