Chapter Text
Vala's scream sent Daniel sprinting down the corridor towards her quarters. His coffee spilled as he ran, and he only bothered to hang onto the mug at all for whatever value it might present as a blunt object. He wished he had his sidearm. Or better yet a P90. Anyone who could make Vala scream would prove hard to subdue empty handed, and his 'archeologists dig the past' coffee mug was hardly his weapon of choice.
He found the door unlocked, and flung it open to find Vala sitting up in bed with a fistful of tissues.
"Daniel?" Her voice cracked as she looked up with surprise, and before she turned away to wipe at her face, he noticed her bloodshot eyes.
Relief at her safety faded in lieu of an entirely different worry, and he sank down on the edge of the bed. "Vala? What's wrong?"
"It's nothing," she said. "Just a nightmare."
He laid a hand on her arm. "It sounded like more than nothing. Want to tell me about it?"
"No."
"It might help."
She shrugged. "There's only one thing that helps."
"What's that?"
She shook her head.
Daniel berated himself for believing, even for a minute, that Vala had fully recovered from her recent kidnapping. The bastards had gone pillaging through her repressed memories, callously digging for the bits that interested them, with complete disregard for what it might do to her mind. When their hatchet job scrambled her brain, she'd spent weeks alone, all of her memories -- good and bad -- lost to her. Just fragments remained to haunt her dreams, and from what little she'd told him, he gathered that most of those were far from pleasant.
He'd considered her return to her usual chipper self more than a little remarkable, and although he'd attributed much of that to her newly-won official position on SG-1, now he wondered how much of that was an act. "Vala, if there's something you need, you just have to ask."
"I'm fine," she said.
"You know, I don't mean to impugn your lying abilities, but I'm not buying that one."
"But at least I'm cleared for active duty," she said with a bit more enthusiasm. A bit too much, actually. "I'm sure that equation you found mucking up your translation is code for a gate address -- "
"Vala." He caught her chin with his fingertips, and made her look him in the eye. "This isn't about the Ori or the fate of the galaxy. This is about you."
"Don't worry Daniel, I'm being completely selfish. I think I'll sleep better off world."
"Why's that?"
She shook her head again, and turned away from him to stare at the wall.
"Of course." He nodded in understanding and squeezed her shoulder. "It's worse when you're alone."
She nodded and met his gaze. "I know that sounds silly, or at best like the tackiest of come-ons, but -- "
"No," he said. "It makes sense."
"I've always had bad dreams," she said. "But not like this. Not every night. I know I shouldn't let the past bother me like this -- "
"After what you've been through, it's only natural that your subconscious mind would be struggling to process it all."
"Daniel?" She fiddled with her tissues. "Would you mind if I came back down to your office and watched you work for a while?"
"Now I'm worried." He tried to smile. "You've never asked permission before."
She forced a small laugh and kept twisting the tissues in her hands.
"Do you think you could sleep if I sat with you for a while?"
"Would you?" She met his gaze, and he could see just how much she welcomed that offer. She scooted over, making room on the bed, and while he'd intended to pull up a chair, he abandoned that plan as not enough. Vala needed him, and he wanted to be there for her.
He set aside his coffee mug, briefly regretting that it had missed the chance to moonlight as a weapon. Justice would find the people who had caused this, and as much as he would have taken great satisfaction in personally bringing them to it, right now Vala needed his support and friendship more than she needed any righteous anger on her behalf. Daniel settled down beside her, and reached for her hand.
Three days earlier, weeks of searching had ended in a warehouse outside of Colorado Springs. Daniel had told the others they'd find her -- that he knew in his gut that she had survived the explosion and escaped -- but once he held her safely in his arms, he realized that in truth, he'd been scared to death.
The knot in his stomach started to relax just a little, only to move up to his throat and prevent him from speaking for several long minutes. "How much do you remember?"
She lifted her head from his shoulder to offer him a shaky smile, and brought her hand to his face. "You're my Daniel."
He smiled back, far too pleased to see a glimmer of the Vala he knew to even think of correcting her. Besides, the bond that they shared was far too complex to explain to her now. He trailed his fingers along the mark on her jaw, verifying that it was only a minor injury, and nodded towards the rest of the team. "Do you remember the others?"
"Just . . . faces. And images that don't make sense." She shrugged and barely glanced in their direction. "I don't even -- I know you're Daniel, and that I can trust you, but I can't remember why, or -- " She shook her head. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay." He pulled her close again. "You're safe, and you're coming home. Dr. Lam can take care of the rest."
"Dr. Lam?" Her breath tickled his neck.
"One of the best doctors in the world. Don't worry, you like her."
"I bet I like you better."
"Okay," Cam interrupted. "This is all very sweet, but it's time we got Dorothy here back to Oz."
"I believe your analogy is inaccurate, Colonel Mitchell. Dorothy strived to return to Kansas."
"I've lived in Kansas," Cam said. "The SGC has a lot more in common with Oz. This road's not paved with yellow bricks, but I think we'd better hit it."
"We're friends with these people?" Vala asked.
Daniel grinned. "Good friends. Very good friends."
Vala rested her head on Daniel's shoulder as they rode back to the SGC, and when she squeezed his hand, he threaded his fingers through hers. "Promise you won't leave me alone with any doctors," she said. "There's one in my nightmares, and -- " She shuddered and pressed closer to him. "Are you sure we can trust this doctor? These memories . . . "
"I won't lie to you." He hoped like hell that being honest with her was the right thing to do, but it felt right, and she was still Vala. She wouldn't want platitudes. "Not all of your memories are pleasant, but nobody at the SGC has ever hurt you, and I won't let anyone near you unless I trust them completely. Okay?"
She nodded. "I trust you, Daniel. I don't remember much, but I remember . . . trusting you."
He met her gaze, and could see her struggling with the one question he really hoped to avoid. He wasn't even sure he could answer it. Everything about their relationship was complicated, and although she meant the world to him, they weren't ever going to be anything more than friends. If that word even fit the situation.
When they reached the base, the entire team accompanied Vala down to the infirmary, and she kept a firm grip on Daniel the whole time. "I feel like I should be braver," she said. "Am I usually braver?"
"You are," Sam said before Daniel could answer. "But we really do understand."
"Well isn't this cozy," Dr. Lam said. "Colonel Carter has had experience with this technology, but the rest of you, out."
"Daniel's staying," Vala said firmly. "He's the only person here that I remember."
"Of course he is," Dr. Lam said brightly. "But he's still waiting outside. You need to change into this so we can get started, okay?"
Vala took the medical gown. "I'll do whatever you want, but only if Daniel stays." She smiled a little bit like her usual self. "I'm sure he's already seen everything there is to see anyway."
Daniel rolled his eyes at Cam's snicker. "That's hardly the point. I'll be on the other side of the curtain."
"Oh don't be such a prude."
Cam chuckled. "See that, Jackson? She's already back to her old self."
It didn't take long for Dr. Lam to declare Vala fit enough for the procedure, and she presented them with two options, neither of which Daniel liked very much. In fact, they scared the hell out of him, and probably did the same for Vala.
"Either you stay awake through the procedure, to help guide it, or I can put you under, but that increases the risk significantly, even if we wait for the Tok'ra -- "
"No." Vala went rigid at the word, her fingernails biting into Daniel's hand.
"Do you remember something?"
"I remember being terrified, but I don't know why."
"It's not one of your happier memories," Daniel said gently. "But the Tok'ra weren't the cause; one of them saved your life."
"We probably don't want to wait for them anyway," Sam said. "It could be days before we hear back from Anise."
Dr. Lam crossed her arms over her chest. "If Vala's awake for this, she's going to experience some pretty intense memories. I'm not sure I feel comfortable recommending that, especially under the circumstances."
"What choice do we have?" Daniel asked.
"There is another possibility. Given a few weeks time, it's very likely that her memories will come back on their own."
"I want this over with," Vala said. "I can't stand all of this not knowing. I may not remember who I am, but I'm fairly certain that I'm very independent and that I don't like relying on people to tell me whether or not I like sugar in my coffee."
"Bottom line," Daniel said to Dr. Lam. "What kind of risk factor are we talking about?"
"Do I?" Vala interrupted. "I never did figure that out."
"What?"
"Do I like sugar in my coffee?"
"I don't think you've decided that yet," Daniel said. "I've never seen you drink it the same way twice."
"Oh good," Vala said. "Everyone who came into the diner seemed so certain about the way they liked their coffee that I thought there must be something wrong with me when I couldn't figure out how I liked mine. But maybe it's that I just don't like coffee. What?"
"What diner?" Daniel asked.
"Sol's Diner. Where I've been working," she explained. "I'll have to introduce you to Sal. He's the owner -- "
"I'm sorry," Sam said. "We've had the entire Air Force searching for you for weeks, and this whole time you've been working in a diner?"
"Well, yes, I needed a job and -- "
"Okay, how about we save all of this for later," Dr. Lam said. "We need to make a decision about how to proceed."
"What's to decide?" Vala asked. "I thought I decided not to wait."
"Under the circumstances, I'd be remiss if I didn't question whether or not you're in a fit state of mind to make major medical decisions."
"Hey!"
"It's not personal," Daniel told her. "She's just following the rules."
"The fastest option isn't necessarily the best one," Dr. Lam said. "This is a powerful piece of alien technology, and the human mind is a very complex thing. Added to the fact that Vala has more than one set of memories in her head, and we're talking about some potentially serious consequences." She turned back to Vala. "I need to know that you understand the risks involved before we proceed."
"But it can work," Vala said. "Else we wouldn't even be talking about it. So I say it's worth the risk."
Daniel exchanged a look with Sam.
"I think it can work," Sam said. "All we have to do is use the device to help Vala to connect with a few memories, and her brain should do the rest of the work."
"You make it sound easy, but there are a fair number of things that Vala is better off not reliving, and it's not like you can just pick out a few harmless memories at will. As I recall, Martouf had a little trouble honing in on the right memories, and he knew what he was doing."
"We're not looking for any specific information," Sam said. "The process will largely be guided by Vala's thoughts, so if she concentrates on something pleasant -- "
"I'll just think about Daniel," Vala said. "We must have plenty of good memories."
Daniel held back a sarcastic reply, and found himself more than a little bothered at the thought that Vala's happiest memories probably did involve him. He often conveniently forgot just how much she'd suffered in her life, especially when she was loitering around his office annoying him for sport, or making inappropriate comments just to make him squirm.
"It's your call, Dr. Jackson."
He swallowed hard before nodding to Dr. Lam.
This procedure could prove incredibly difficult for Vala, and all he could offer was a little moral support. He held her hand as Dr. Lam set up the equipment, and tried to think of a positive experience he could try to help her remember. Most of the time they'd spent together revolved around fighting the Ori, and down time meant researching while she did her best to distract him.
He'd missed that over the last few weeks.
"We went to Atlantis together," he said. "After we finished our work, we stood out on the observation deck and looked out across the ocean -- "
"Atlantis." She smiled. "The lost city of Atlantis?"
"Do you remember it?"
"No," she said. "But Mulder mentioned it. What's it really like?"
"Mulder?"
"Sal has all of The X-Files on tape," she explained. "Tell me about Atlantis."
He did his best to convey every detail of the city, and of the brief time they'd spent there. If she could just remember enough to focus her thoughts, then maybe the device would spare her the details of less pleasant events.
"Okay," Dr. Lam said. "This will only hurt for a minute."
Vala barely flinched as the device pierced her temple, which impressed Daniel. He knew from experience just how much it hurt.
"We're ready," Sam said. "Vala, try to focus on Daniel. The images might be confusing at first, but don't try to figure out what they mean. Just look for Daniel."
Vala nodded and tried to smile, and then her face contorted with pain.
"Sam!"
"Talk to her, Daniel."
"Vala, it's me, Daniel. I need you to listen to me." He shot a desperate look at Sam, because whatever Vala was seeing, it wasn't that day in Atlantis. "Concentrate on my voice. Try to remember that night on the observation deck." He wanted to scream at Sam to turn it off, but he forced himself to talk about Atlantis in measured tones, and not let his reaction to Vala's pain creep into his voice.
It seemed to last forever.
"It's off," Sam said. "We're done."
Daniel barely heard her. He stroked the hair away from Vala's face, and called her name softly as her body gradually relaxed. "Vala? Can you hear me? Did it work?"
Her eyes fluttered open. "You called me a fruitcake," she said. Then she passed out.
Daniel sat with her all night, an elderly volume of Arthurian legends ignored in his lap. She'd remembered something, but would it be enough? Dr. Lam assured him that she'd passed out from exhaustion, nothing more, and that her brain could process the information more efficiently while asleep anyhow, but he still needed to see for himself before he could relax.
"How is she?" Sam asked from the doorway.
"The same. I just hope we did the right thing."
"I think we did," Sam said. "Why don't you go get some sleep? I can sit with Vala."
He shook his head. "I need to be here when she wakes up."
"Daniel, you've been awake for days. And you look like it."
He shrugged.
"She's going to be okay," Sam said. "Even in the worst case scenario, it just takes her a little longer to fully regain her memories. Physically, she's fine."
Daniel nodded, and brushed a few stray hairs from Vala's face.
"Could I at least get you some coffee?"
"What? Oh. Coffee. Sure." He thought he saw a change in Vala's breathing, and he leaned closer, watching for any sign that she might be waking up. He barely noticed when Sam left.
Eventually, Vala stirred. "Daniel?"
"Right here." He squeezed her fingers gently and brought his free hand up to stroke her face. "How are you feeling?"
"Daniel." She reached up to touch his face, and smiled the most glorious smile he'd ever seen in his life. "You stayed with me."
"I promised, didn't I? What do you remember?"
"Don't worry darling," she said. "I'm my delightful self once again."
He smiled. "I'm very glad to hear that."
She glanced around the infirmary. "When can I get out of here?"
"We'll have to ask Dr. Lam, but soon, I think."
Vala smiled again. "Then we can finish our date?"
"You do remember that it wasn't really a date, right?"
"Says you."
He shook his head and tried to keep from smiling.
"What?"
"Nothing, it's just I didn't know I could be relieved and annoyed at the same time."
Sam returned with the coffee, followed shortly by Dr. Lam.
"You know, Dr. Jackson, when you sit up all night waiting for a patient to regain consciousness, it's customary to let their doctor know when they do."
"Right," Daniel said. "Sorry." He watched anxiously as Dr. Lam took Vala's vital signs. "Is she free to go?"
"She is," Dr. Lam said. "You I'm not so sure about." She narrowed her eyes at him. "When's the last time you slept?"
"You do look rather worse for wear, darling." Vala grinned at him and tousled his hair. "Not that you don't look adorable."
He sighed, but failed to rouse any true annoyance.
Vala headed for the commissary with Sam, on the condition that she return to the infirmary later in the day, while Daniel went back to his quarters for a luxurious six hours of sleep. Sam was right about his appearance, and he needed to look a little less rumpled before he talked to General Landry.
It was the middle of the afternoon by the time Daniel woke up and made himself respectable. He met with General Landry, who denied his request to work with Agent Barrett in capturing Athena, just as he had expected. Still, he had to ask. More importantly, Landry agreed that Vala had earned her official spot on SG-1.
Vala deserved it, and Daniel felt ridiculously proud of her for it. It pleased him that she'd proven him right, of course, but it went beyond that somehow.
He found her in his office, reading his notes on Athena.
"Is it real?" she asked.
"Is what real?"
"The clava thessara infinitas," she said. "Do you think it's real, or just a lie that Qetesh used to manipulate Athena? Because if it's real, I could try to -- "
"It's not real," he said quickly, and then paused while he decided that his statement wasn't a lie in the strictest sense. His research did support his theory that Qetesh had fabricated the whole thing for some end he had yet to discover, and he took Vala's guess as proof. After all, she had the facts buried in her subconscious.
And they could stay there.
"None of the stories about the clava thessara infinitas corroborate any of the others," he added. "When that's the case, the object in question usually turns out to be an exaggeration, if not an outright work of fiction. How are you feeling?"
"Fine," she said. "Wonderful, actually." A smile spread across her face. "Except I am a little hungry. Maybe we could finish our date?"
"We can," he said. "On one condition."
"What's that?"
"Stop calling it a date."
Teal'c and Cam arrived before she could argue, and Vala's smile turned downright evil. She'd knocked Cam out, stripped him, and handcuffed him to a bed in a cheap motel. Some people might find responsibility for such an incident a little embarrassing, but not Vala. Daniel could see her considering what she could say regarding that scenario, and which comment would most effectively torment Cam.
Vala's grin disappeared with a nervous laugh, and she bit her lip. "Well this is certainly awkward." She glanced back towards Daniel and winked. "I hope you can forgive me, darling, but Cameron and I . . . well once I got his clothes off -- and you must remember that I wasn't quite myself at the time -- and I had that perfectly good pair of handcuffs . . . ."
She grinned and sauntered up to Cam. "He's quite the naughty boy. He's really not bad looking without his shirt, either, although he could use a little bit more time in the gym." She poked Cam playfully in the belly. "But it's just as well." She turned and dragged a finger slowly down Daniel's chest. "I'm a one-man kind of girl."
"Since when, exactly?" Cam asked.
"Hey." Daniel shot Cam a look. "Watch it."
Cam raised both hands in surrender. "She started it."
"Anyway," Daniel said, fishing rather desperately for a change of subject amid the chaos on his desk. "I wanted to talk to you about something. A few weeks ago I found a reference to -- "
"Hey guys," Sam said from the doorway. "Cam, good to see you wearing pants for a change."
Cam opened his mouth to protest the abuse but Sam had already moved on to reminding Vala about her appointment with Dr. Lam.
"On my way." Vala smiled at Daniel and gave his chest another pass with her wandering fingers. "I'll see you later, for our date."
"It's not -- "
But she was already gone.