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"So when do we have sex again?"
Lukas's question is so blunt it makes Philip's eyes go round, and he giggles. His hands squeeze where they grip Lukas's shoulders.
"Shh! We are in public, I can't believe you just said this."
He can't help but smile, because Lukas has become so confident and so unfussed lately. Right now, they're outside school - Lukas leaning back against the wall and Philip on him, arms around his neck - not exactly in plain view of everyone, but still, in public.
Philip bites his lower lip and looks at Lukas intently.
"But I really want to," Lukas whines, only half jokingly. His eyes are intense, and Philip knows that he's telling the truth.
It's been a few days since they've been together that way.
Philip gives a little nod, and then leans down to kiss his boyfriend. He intended for it to be a short kiss but, like so often with them, it quickly becomes something more and soon they're making out, and Lukas is stealing the breath from his mouth, and Philip can feel his hands slide under his t-shirt and up along his spine, back around to his chest. He gives a sigh, and a shiver, and wishes he had strength to stop him, any at all.
He doesn't know how long it's been - all he knows is that he's started touching Lukas too, one hand in his hair, the other hovering above Lukas's belly and aching to slide south - but he hears a quick honk from a car, which he recognises to be Helen's.
She usually doesn't call when they're just saying goodbye to each other - so Philip realises they must have got quite carried away.
"Oh shit," he mutters on Lukas's lips when they break apart and he sees that it is indeed Helen. Waiting for him in the car by the road.
"You're not gonna be in trouble, right?"
Lukas has the voice he uses to tease but Philip hears the doubt there, too.
He looks up at him and bites his lip.
"No, no, it's just.. a bit cringy."
Lukas nods. He looks a bit lost and so Philip smiles, going for encouraging.
"It's fine. Let's not make it worse - I have to go, but I'll text you ok?"
He gives Lukas a quick kiss on the lips, and a lingering look as he walks away and towards Helen's car.
***
He should have known something was up when, a day later, Gabe suggests he invites Lukas over for dinner.
Not that that's weird per se - Lukas is often a guest in their house - but Philip keeps telling himself he should have known by the way Gabe said it - or by the look on his face, his voice, something.
Dinner is a normal affair - there isn't even the awkwardness Philip was expecting knowing that Helen just recently saw them kissing very suggestively.
The after dinner, however, is a different matter.
Philip feels himself flush up to the tips of his hair the moment Helen says 'boys, we wanted to talk to you about something'. He frowns, and feels Lukas look at him out of the corner of his eyes.
"We know this is embarrassing, look, we've been teenagers too, I don't think there is -" and here Helen looks at Gabe, and Philip can't help but think that she is just as embarrassed as he feels, "I don't think there is an easier way to have this conversation."
"We are all adults here, and you guys know we treat you as adults. So we can all talk about things," Gabe says, when Helen's sentence kind of ends on a question mark.
Philip really wants to ask 'what is it' - he knows what it is, of course, but he wants to move the conversation along and make this drag less, for everybody's sake - but he can't find his voice. He doesn't know why he feels like this. He likes Helen and Gabe, they've been so open with him and with Lukas and they even let Lukas sleep over. He feels he can talk to them about stuff, now. In general.
But this is so personal, and they've never talked about sex, sex is something he only talks about with Lukas, it's their private thing, Lukas is the only person he feels comfortable enough to talk about this with.
Helen clears her throat.
"I don't want this to be the kind of family that can't talk about sex," she finally says. Philip looks up, and sees that her eyes have gained the steely hue they have when she's in problem solving, sheriff mode.
"I want you and Lukas to know you can talk to us about anything, and I want to make sure you know everything and - and that you're prepared."
Both Helen and Gabe are looking at him now - Gabe has a small smile, and Philip knows he's trying really hard to show there's no edge to their words and everything is fine. They are expecting him to say something.
"Okay," he mutters, and can't make himself say anything more.
"Great," Gabe says after a few moments.
Philip feels Helen still looking at him.
"Just - will you come to us if you have any questions? You know, about sex, about using protection - because protection is important and you guys should use -"
"I will," Philip interrupts her, and kind of cringes internally because it was so rushed, but he really didn't want to hear about detail, not right then. "I promise, I will. Ask."
Helen is still looking at him, as if trying to make sure he's sincere - but she doesn't seem put out.
Philip can't bring himself to look up, though; and if dessert wasn't his favourite - apple pie with whipped cream - he probably wouldn't be able to eat anything else after this.
***
"Oh, fuck. That was insane," Philip cries later, when he walks Lukas out to the barn to say goodbye before he goes home.
"Yeah, that was pretty out there."
Lukas is giggling, and Philip cocks an eyebrow at him, surprised.
"It didn't bother you?"
Lukas reaches out to him, hugs him against himself, sneakily hiding both of them behind the barn door.
"Well it was awkward, I can't deny it. Would have rather sat through an hour of my dad talking about turkeys."
Philip only has the time to smile for a moment before Lukas takes his lips in a kiss.
"And here I thought that conversation put you off sex forever," he murmurs when Lukas breaks the kiss for a few moments. Lukas's hands slide under his shirt and up his back, making him shiver.
"Yeah, right."
Lukas kisses him again, and before Philip's even aware they are moaning into each other's mouths. Lukas's hips are pushing against his, so hard, Philip is squeezed in between him and the wall, and he loves it.
"I want to do everything with you," Philip pants on Lukas's mouth, his brain short circuiting and forgetting everything - Helen and Gabe, the embarrassment, the barn. Lukas gives him another hard kiss, chasing his lips when Philip pulls back to catch a breath.
"Yeah?"
Philip nods. "Yeah."
Lukas's thumb strokes his mouth - his top lip first, then the bottom one, lingering - and Philip just closes his eyes and practically loses his mind. Without giving either of them the time to think about it he unhooks Lukas's jeans and drops to his knees, and he feels bold even though his hands are trembling as he pulls Lukas's pants down and looks up at him. Lukas is looking back, kind of in a daze, eyes unfocused and dark, and Philip takes his hands which are hanging by Lukas's sides and puts them in his own hair, hums when the fingers push through his curls and hold onto his skull.
No words are spoken, and everything is so fast from then on; Philip kisses and sucks, deeply into his mouth, breathes and moans softly, and they're 17 and it's only the second time they do this and so Lukas soon shakes and growls, as quietly as he can, and comes into Philip's mouth. His hands hold onto Philip's head firmly, not letting him move, and Philip moans, and feels dizzy with arousal and want, feels as if he could come too, untouched because of what feeling Lukas's pleasure does to him.
After, Lukas pulls him up and hugs him to himself again, and whispers in his ear while he touches him. "You're beautiful. I love you. You're so good. You know that? Huh?"
Philip nods and then remembers Lukas can't see him with his face buried in Philip's neck, and so he whispers back, 'yes, yes', and Lukas holds him tight through his aftershocks.
***
Philip doesn't get to see Helen much the next few days - she's out on late shifts at the station when he gets back from school.
Their conversation has been playing on Philip's mind though. He doesn't much like the way he's reacted - Helen and Gabe are really trying to relate to him adult to adult and he's clammed up and blushed and gone quiet like a little kid the moment they wanted to have a serious conversation. He wants to fix that.
On the third day Helen finally gets home earlier, although Philip wasn't expecting it. He and Lukas are sitting in the kitchen, finishing some math homework, and when Philip sees Helen come in he figures this is as good a time as any. His hands are kind of trembling again but he wants to bite the bullet or he feels like he never will.
"Hey Helen, can I talk to you?", he asks, trying to make it sound casual.
Helen is putting away groceries and she peeks up from behind the refrigerator door. Lukas also peeks up, from his text book, and gives Philip a look.
"Helen I - the other day. I'm- I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. And I - didn't talk to you. I just, it was a dumb reaction."
Helen is kind of taken aback for a moment, but she smiles.
"Oh. No, Philip. It's fine."
"I - just wanted to say that, I want to act like an adult. I know you guys trust me, and - I am trying hard, and I also, I know what I'm doing." He worries it sounds presumptuous, so he checks Helen's eyes, but they're serene, and she's still kind of smiling.
"Mom and I - we- we talked about this stuff. We talked about - everything."
Helen's lips purse a little but it's not in displeasure; Philip knows she's deeply sorry about what happened to Anne. Helen knows what she was to Philip.
"And I want to talk to you guys. And I - I'm grateful you guys want to talk, too." He's babbling at this point. He wonders if he's making himself clear at all; his fingers wrap around the hem of his shirt, pull at it nervously.
Helen clears her throat, but her smile doesn't vanish.
"Okay. I'm glad, Philip."
Philip nods, and smiles a little, too.
"Ok. Ok, good."
Right at that moment Gabe appears too, carrying another bag of groceries. He picks up on Helen's smile, and Philip's stance - nervous but relieved - and he smiles too, and Philip knows that Helen will tell him about it later. Philip hopes Gabe will be happy.
"Sheriff Torrance."
They all turn to look at Lukas when he speaks. Philip has a questioning look in his face,!but Lukas seems okay - serious like every time he has to have an exchange with Philip's adoptive parents, but determined, too.
Lukas stands up and clears his throat.
"I just - wanted to say that. I want to look after Philip. I wouldn't hurt him. I don't want you to be worried about - about us. I look after him and - I care."
There's a moment of silence after that. Philip can't take his eyes off Lukas, and so he misses Helen's smile. He hears her though - saying "thank you, Lukas" - and feels his own heart beat so much faster than before.
Helen and Gabe leave the kitchen and Lukas turns to him, looks down as if unsure.
Philip laughs.
"Wow. One hundred boyfriend brownie points for you."
Lukas smiles too. "That many, huh?"
"Mm. Yeah."
Philip takes a step towards him and wraps his arms around his boyfriend's neck, brings their mouths close. "You dork. You didn't have to do that."
They kiss for a moment, and then Lukas pulls back to look into his eyes.
"But it's the truth."
"Mmm. You just earned yourself a 'yes' for every time you ask me to have sex," Philip murmurs on Lukas's lips, trying to sound as seductive as he can. It seems to work, because Lukas closes his eyes, and growls very softly on his lips. His arms lock around Philip's waist, hands tangled on the small of Philip's back.
"Score," he says, looking into Philip's eyes, and smiling.