Work Text:
Jonghyun tapped on the blue icon with a white bird in the middle and a blue screen popped up, followed by random tweets from his timeline. He scrolled through the app where he found comfort in everyday, seeing tweets of edits, hds, and screenshots from the episode last night that his friend Hwangje had retweeted.
Hwangje, the first friend he made online after joining the Produce 101 fandom. The guy who had an optimus prime as his profile picture and happily agreed to fanboy with Jonghyun ever since the first day they happened to meet, weeks ago. Jonghyun didn't know much about him: he didn't know his real name, his age, where he stayed, but it didn't bother Jonghyun that much as he hadn't revealed his particulars to Hwangje as well.
Just as he clicked on a video that someone made, compiling Kim Jaehwan's psycho laughing, his phone chimed and a small '1' appeared beside the tab for his direct messages.
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
bugi
bugi bugi bugiiiii
can i ask u something
Jonghyun sighed, usually when Hwangje wanted to ask him something it was either a very lame joke ("what do you call an elephant that doesn't make sense? it's irrelephant!!" "shut up before I block you for the 736th time"), or it was another of his 'contemplating the meaning of life' moments and had decided to throw his stupid questions at Jonghyun who pretended to ignore him but secretly spent the entire night thinking about the answer ("do you think sand is called sand because it's in between the sea and land?" "what the-")
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
now what is it
please don't ask me what is a cow without legs again because the joke's old already
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
u and i both know it's ground beef it's not fun anymore
anyway
this might sound weird but do u have a crush on anyone
Jonghyun heard his heart stop for a moment. Him and Hwangje only had been friends for about, 2 weeks? And here he was... about to-
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
jesus don't misunderstand
i'm not going to confess to u or some shit
ngl u kinda suck
but in a good way because if not i wouldn't be friends with u
so do u have a crush on someone bc i do and i feel like i'm going to die
Jonghyun let go of the breath he had unknowingly been holding. So all Hwangje had was a crush and needed someone to talk to? A small smile spread out on Jonghyun's face as he typed out his response.
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
thank god
i mentally prepared myself but looks like it wasn't necessary
just man up and confess to her already
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
if only it was that easy
first up it isn't a girl it's a guy
and secondly not only is the guy my friend
he's my best friend
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
oh
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
yeah
u aren't a no homo or anything right cuz if u are i'm not talking to u anymore
jokes but are u
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
dude if i am do u think i'd be stanning 101 male trainees with u
how is he like i'm curious
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
hmm how he's like?
well first all he goes to the same uni as me and we have lots of same classes
he's a little shorter than me and has dark brown hair
idk if it's just me but his eyes always seem to be sparkling
he has the prettiest eyes istg when he smiles my stomach does flips
he has a rly unique voice tho he always refuses to sing to me
but i caught him singing 'never' quietly in class once and i recorded it and still keep it
Jonghyun blinked. That sounded awfully familiar.
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
oh yes he's a broduce fan like us
he likes kwon hyunbin.. like u too
he's really shy, an introvert.. so he follows me around a lot and listens to my ramblings
he has this weird liking for agumon and he's always imitating it and if it isn't the cutest thing ever-
help bugi i like him so much
i think i liked him since... a year ago.. i guess?
but never had the guts to man up and confess to him cuz i know he doesn't feel the same way
At this point Jonghyun's jaw had dropped open and his eyeballs were bulging out of their sockets. Had he seen all the traits that Hwangje described his crush right?
Why did he sound like he was describing him?
If what Hwangje was saying was right, did that mean that Hwangje was actually Minhyun? His best friend at uni? Who had a crush on him?
Jonghyun suddenly felt dizzy and turned off the bright light coming from his phone screen, lying back down on his bed.
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
bugi?
u still there?
Jonghyun groaned at the reply: Hwangje was waiting for a response from him. Ignoring the uneasy feeling in his heart, he flopped over to lie on his stomach and let the blinding light fill his vision again.
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
i'm here
u sound like u like him a lot
what's his name?
Jonghyun held his breath again and squeezed his eyes shut, cracking them open a little once he felt his phone vibrate again.
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
jonghyun
kim jonghyun
such a pretty name, right?
And the whole world came crashing at Jonghyun's feet.
Not only did he learn that his online friend that he had been talking to for the past two weeks had been his best friend at uni all this while, said best friend had been crushing on him for a year??
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
yeah that's nice
maybe u could... i don't know, show ur affection to him subtly?
like do some skinship with him
then maybe he'd notice sooner or later and then u could tell him
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
ohhh that sounds like a good idea
imma try it tmr and i'll tell u the results
thank u bugi for the advice!!
i gotta sleep now goodnight bugi don't sleep too late kay
With that, the 'online' status underneath Hwangje- Minhyun's username faded away into nothing, leaving Jonghyun alone in their chat window.
Never in his wildest dreams did Jonghyun imagine himself love counselling his online friend- who had a crush on him in real life.
Jonghyun couldn't look at Minhyun the same way again.
He sighed deeply as he continued staring at the oblivious boy in front of him who had a sandwich in one hand and his phone in the other. Minhyun looked up from his phone after realising that Jonghyun had been staring at him and raised his eyebrows.
"Is something the matter, Jonghyun?" He asked with a mouthful of bread and tuna.
Jonghyun smiled softly and shook his head, looking down to switch his gaze to the empty oreo wrapper on his lap. Minhyun nodded and resumed scrolling.
How was it possible that Minhyun had been liking Jonghyun for the past year already? Or had Jonghyun been the oblivious one all this while, not thinking about the real intentions of those hugs or compliments that Minhyun had given him...
Now that Jonghyun thought about it, Hwangje and Minhyun did have a lot in common. It was always Hwangje who spammed him with 10 messages at one go while Jonghyun only responded with 3, similar to Minhyun who could go on and on about nothing and Jonghyun would simply nod his head and make small sounds of agreement to show that he was listening. Both of them biased Ong Seongwoo, and-
Jonghyun's train of thoughts was cut off by Minhyun bursting into a fit of his high-pitched, airy laughter, showing off the disgusting, chewed-up contents in his mouth.
"Have you seen this?" Minhyun leaned across the table to show Jonghyun a video that someone made, compiling Kim Jaehwan's psycho laughter-
-the same video that he had retweeted the day before.
And true enough, on the top of the tweet, the caption "ㄱㅎㅂ retweeted" was displayed, confirming all of Jonghyun's remaining suspicions.
"You should get twitter, Jonghyun, see all the fun that you're missing out on?" Minhyun shoved the remains of his sandwich in his mouth and stood up, gathering his things, Jonghyun mirroring his actions.
Jonghyun mentally cringed at the statement and just shrugged, looking at the floor as followed Minhyun out of the cafe.
"Jonghyun, look here," Minhyun stopped walking and faced the smaller boy. Jonghyun looked up at Minhyun in confusion.
Minhyun brought his fingers up to the corner of Jonghyun's lips, brushing away the oreo crumbs from the oreos that Jonghyun had eaten earlier. When Minhyun had retracted his fingers, Jonghyun realised that he had been holding his breath, once again, and released it when Minhyun gently smiled at him.
"Be less messy when you eat next time. You know I'm a clean freak that can't stand mess, right?" Minhyun's eyes curved into crescents and he swung an arm around Jonghyun's waist, pulling him along with him as he began rambling on something about Kang Dongho and his megaton bombs.
He's following the advice I gave him well, Jonghyun thought as Minhyun brought a hand up to ruffle his hair for no apparent reason, but what's the use of it when I know everything already?
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
so how did it go
did he notice?
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
no :(
it was just like any other normal day
i tried doing extra skinship with him today but i think he just thinks of it as a friendly gesture
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
i see...
what did u do with him?
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
just normal stuff i guess
wiping crumbs off his lips, putting an arm round his waist, ruffling his hair
either he doesn't notice anything.. or he noticed but didn't say anything about it?
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
u just have to wait a while more
continue doing what u're doing
he'll find out soon okay? no stress
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
okay :')
thanks bugi u're the best
Jonghyun sighed and threw himself on his bed, his mind bustling with too many thoughts for him to keep up with all of them. His best friend was currently stressing so much on his crush on him, when Jonghyun knew everything already. In a way, it was selfish and evil, keeping the secrets that he found out only to himself.
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
hey i kno this is invasive and all but
how did u start liking jonghyun
and what do u like about him?
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
since when were u so interested in jonghyun
don't steal my guy
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
oh god no i would never do that
plus... i dont even know him
i'm just curious
when u don't have a love life u become interested in other's
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
what kind of logic
but okay
how did i start liking him..? honestly i don't even know
we've been friends for so many years that my fingers can't count
i think it was the hormones
at the start of uni i just started noticing the small, little, beautiful details that i never noticed before
like how prettily his eyelashes fluttered when he blinked rapidly out of nervousness
or how his cute little tongue would stick out every now and then to wet his lips
oh god i feel like a pervert
Jonghyun closed his eyes and imagined them: in class, where Jonghyun was diligently taking notes with Minhyun by his side, who was busy staring at the little details of his face rather than paying attention to the lecturer. Of course Jonghyun had been oblivious to all of this.
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
it's kind of painful, yknow?
to have a crush on someone u hang out with everyday and cant tell him ur feelings bc u dont want to ruin ur friendship
and everything he says to me suddenly becomes so important
even if it's just a passing remark like "oh, ur hair looks good today" or something as simple as a smile and a "thank you"
i take it all to heart
i'll tell u smth
there was once jonghyun flunked a test really badly and i found him crying alone in a lecture hall
and i ran up to him hugging him and wiping away his tears
then he suddenly pushed me away, smiled and said he didn't need my care and concern
and acted like he didn't just get 10% on an important test
can u imagine how hurt i was
The day's events were still crystal clear in Jonghyun's mind. He didn't like people, especially Minhyun, worrying about him so he did that and pretended everything was okay. Turns out that it wasn't. Not for the both of them.
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
then there was that time jonghyun made a friend called youngmin in one of his classes
and he wouldn't stop talking to him and hanging out with him
ofc i got jealous
i pulled him away from youngmin once and told him to stop talking and looking at him
now that i'm telling u all this i feel kinda stupid and childish
..."Why do you keep talking to that Youngmin guy?"
"He's my friend, Minhyun, am I not allowed to talk to him?" Jonghyun replied, searching Minhyun's eyes for any sort of understanding, but all he could find was hurt and betrayal.
"No, you're not," he had said, grabbing Jonghyun's wrist and pulling him towards him, before wrapping his other arm around Jonghyun's back, "you don't belong to him. You're mine."
Jonghyun's eyelashes fluttered nervously, the sound of Minhyun's rapid heartbeat echoing in his ears. The thought- that thought flashed in his mind for a split second, but it went away too fast for Jonghyun to grab onto it and explore it.
"Don't be silly," Jonghyun wriggled out of Minhyun's grasp, "I'm not yours. We aren't dating or anything. We're best friends."
At the mention of those last two words, Minhyun's arms went slack, and all the thousands of mixed emotions in his eyes shattered into smithereens.
"I...I know, just-" Minhyun began, but it seemed as if the next words he was going to say was held down by a huge weight in his throat, blocking them from escaping.
"Nevermind."
With that, Minhyun dragged himself away from Jonghyun, like a dead leaf that was carried away by the wind, fragile, broken, and discarded...
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
never in my life have i ever felt that friendzoned
i was secretly hoping that jonghyun would bring it up the next time we met, or even over the phone, but did it happen
the answer is no
so i had to pretend that everything was okay
the wound in my heart is still wide open, yknow bugi
it hurts so much
Jonghyun was on the verge of tears at this point. All this while he'd thought that it was one of Minhyun's emo and over-sensitive days and he just needed some time alone. In reality, it was the total opposite: a failed attempt to confess by a poor emotionally constipated guy.
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
bugi
r u still there?
looks like u fell asleep huh...
sorry u'll wake up to a bunch of ugly rants
these were all bottled up in me and i had to get them out
i kno my love life is pretty pathetic, what did u expect out of a depressing one-sided relationship
i'll talk to u tmr bugi
goodnight
Jonghyun stared at the chat window for a long time, his mind even more clouded with thoughts as compared to when he first lay on his bed.
Eventually he managed to block out all those thoughts and fell asleep, but not with immense anger, regret, pain... and a tinge of an undescribable feeling creeping into his heart.
Throughout the next few days, Jonghyun saw Minhyun's desperate attempt to get his attention. Too many hugs, compliments, and unnecessary skinship was given to him, and Jonghyun admitted, if not for the fact that he already knew Minhyun liked him, he wouldn't have noticed any change in the behavious or his best friend. Even if he did notice, he would've probablg brushed it off that Minhyun was feeling unusually clingy that day.
But the more affection Minhyun showed him, the worse Jonghyun felt about himself. He saw Minhyun's eyes light up in determination everytime he approached Jonghyun, and saw the flame extinguish when Jonghyun acted like he didn't notice anything out of the ordinary.
It was both emotionally and physically exhausting, pretending to be oblivious to the over-excessive skinship thrown at him, and it wasn't just Jonghyun- he knew Minhyun hurt just as much, or even more, than him.
So Jonghyun decided one day, I'm going to put an end to this.
He logged onto twitter that night, and entered Minhyun and his chat window. Surprisingly, his status read 'online', and judging by the appearing and disappearing '...', he was probably already in the middle of sending a message.
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
oh hey bugi
i was just about to send u something
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
hi hwangje
go ahead im listening
Screw the plans on leaking the secret to him, Jonghyun thought as he saw the '...' come up once again and disappear every few seconds, whatever Minhyun's going to say now, judging by his hesitation, it doesn't look like it's headed in the right direction.
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
i cant take this anymore
im going to confess to him tomorrow
Jonghyun's fingers froze and all the hairs on his arms stood up. Out of all the terrible things he thought Minhyun would tell him, he didn't expect him to take such a big step forward and confess the next day.
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
wow where did the sudden confidence come from
u sure? it's still a bit early tho
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
i'm sure
it's too painful looking at jonghyun accept my skinship wordlessly
i need to let him know
altho i still gotta prepare my heart when he rejects me
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
hey hey dont think so negatively
who knows? he might actually accept ur confession
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
gdi dont get my hopes up
i know he'll reject me
this might ruin our friendship but i gotta do this
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
u're really brave hwangje
good luck for tmr!
i'll pray that jonghyun likes u back and says yes to ur confession
go to sleep now and dont spend the entire night thinking about this
it's gonna be okay
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
what did i ever do to deserve u bugi :')
u're so sweet
i'll try~
Jonghyun turned off his phone screen and buried his face in his pillow, groaning out loud. So his best friend was going to confess to him tomorrow and Jonghyun was going to reject him, and Minhyun would pretend to be okay, smile, and act as if he didn't just get rejected by his year-old crush.
He understood how much it hurt now.
"Minhyunnie," Jonghyun poked the boy who was sitting beside him in one of their classes.
Poked boy continued to stare into the distance, the page of his notebook still empty.
"Minhyunnie~" Jonghyun tried once again, waving a hand in front of his face, which made Minhyun snap out of his daze.
"H-huh? What?" Minhyun's shocked face was too cute, Jonghyun thought- his desert fox-eyes were widened to their maximum capacity and his mouth formed a small 'o'.
"Nothing," Jonghyun leaned back and grinned when Minhyun scowled at him, "you've been so out of it today, is something bothering you?"
Jonghyun could see Minhyun's adam's apple moving as he gulped. He shook his head violently, eyes blinking at lightning speed.
"You and I both know you suck at lying so bad," Jonghyun shook his head and leaned closer to him, putting a hand under his chin, "spill."
Minhyun seemed to contemplate about whether he should say it or not, and settled on the words "after class".
Unfortunately, for both of them, "after class" came too soon and Jonghyun let himself be dragged by his taller friend to one of the more empty parts of the campus.
"I...I have something important to say to you, and... don't hate me for this, okay?" Minhyun suddenly looked ten times smaller with his shoulders hunched forward and his eyes fixed on the floor like it was the most interesting thing in the world.
Jonghyun sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth, waiting for it to happen.
"I... like you Jonghyun. Not in the friend nor the bestfriend way, but... something more..? Like, I want to go out with you, and, you know..." Minhyun bit his bottom lip and squeezed his eyes shut, and he looked so scared, vulnerable and afraid that Jonghyun wanted nothing but to hug him and tell him that it's gonna be okay.
"Yeah, that was what I'd been immersed in all this while," he opened his eyes, but still continued his staring contest with the floor.
"Do.. you have anything to say about this? I know you don't like me in that way, but like, I just want to hear your opinion..." Minhyun's voice became softer and softer until nothing, like the words coming out of his small, pretty mouth were forbidden.
He broke his gaze with the floor and met eyes with Jonghyun, his eyes sparkling with so much hope and excitement that Jonghyun just wanted to kiss his eyelids shut.
All the scripted words Jonghyun had planned out the night before got picked up by the wind, and blown far, far away, leaving Jonghyun's throat dry, thirsty for words to say to his best friend so that he wouldn't go home crying, because Minhyun was too precious and angellic to shed even a single tear.
But Jonghyun wasn't an on-the-spot thinker, so the most honest, disgusting words fell out of his selfish mouth.
"I don't think we should go out. I don't like you that way, Minhyun, and staying friends seems like the safest option."
Jonghyun wasn't sure if his ears were malfunctioning, or the sound of Minhyun's heart crashing to the floor really was deafening.
And then Minhyun did exactly what Jonghyun had predicted.
The corners of his mouth twitched up and he flashed the most awkward smile that Jonghyun had ever seen. A choked laugh escaped his throat, too fake, too forced, that Jonghyun felt stuffy even in the air-conditioned hallway.
"I...see... it's okay, I mentally prepared myself anyway. Being friends is better than anything" he took a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling, blinking away what Jonghyun presumed to be tears.
"Minhyun, I-"
"We should go home now, right?" Minhyun directed his words to the ceiling, "I'll get going first, don't stay here too long, go home soon." His soft eyes shared one last gaze with Jonghyun, and he could see that they were already starting to become red at the rims.
"Goodbye, J-Jonghyun, see you tomorrow."
His nostrils flared once, he took in a sharp intake of breath and turned around, running away from Jonghyun, away from his feelings.
Jonghyun had never felt this terrible in his life.
He opened the blue application and was surprised that Hwangje hadn't sent him any message to rant or to vent his anger out on Jonghyun.
Though when he entered their chat window, there he was, online, but not saying anything.
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
it didnt end well did it
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
..how did u know
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
my timeline is lacking ong hds
there could only be one reason why u're not in the mood to rt them
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
sigh
u kno that feeling u get when u already know somethings gonna happen, and yet when it happens u still feel upset?
tho u alr prepared urself beforehand?
well thats how i feel now
at this moment i dont even feel angry or sad that jonghyun said no, im irritated at myself for knowing this would happen but still feeling so broken because of it.
im so pathetic right bugi
i cant even take a rejection
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
shh dont say things like that
if i were u i'd be like that too
i know it's hard but that's reality, hwang
theres still plenty more fish in the ocean
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
but jonghyun is the only fish i want
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
:(
maybe... u just have to wait awhile more? charm him more?
then he'd fall for u
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
nahh he's probably thinking of ways to unfriend me now
after all those gross things i said
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
i said dont say things like that
he's probably regretting what he said rn bc he knows u're hurting
even if he didn't have feelings for u, if he's rly ur best friend he would feel this way
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
u think so
...i guess..
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
yes really
btw why were u online but didnt say anything
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
i was staring at ur stupid onibugi profile pic
summoning u to come online bc i didnt want to bother u by sending the first msg
looks like it worked
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
idiot
u never bother me
even tho ur jokes and questions are the most annoying thing in the world
u could send me 100 msgs at one go and i'd read all of them
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
aww :')
god bugi tysm
u made me feel so much better idk how??
u're too nice
if i didn't have a hopeless crush on jonghyun i'd probably date u
Jonghyun's fingers hovered over the keyboard, unsure of what to type as his reply. A simple 'haha'? Or a 'don't be silly'? Perhaps a 'u deserve someone better'?
Minhyun once told him to follow his heart when he couldn't choose a trainee to stan in Produce 101. He was conflicted between Guanlin, Hyunbin and Minki, but Minhyun simply reassured him.
'Follow your heart. What does your heart say?'
And that's how Jonghyun ended up choosing Hyunbin, never regretted anything after. It seemed like a silly piece of advice, but to Jonghyun, it meant a lot.
So Jonghyun followed his heart.
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
really
me too
Nothing much changed between the both of them, even after Minhyun's confession. The taller boy showed up at school visibly upset the day after he confessed, but he forced a smile in front of Jonghyun.
It hurt to see that fake smile, but Jonghyun didn't say anything.
What was different was that the over-excessive skinship became literally non-existent. The Minhyun who normally couldn't keep his hands off Jonghyun was replaced with an unfamiliar guy who made sure he kept a reasonable distance between him and Jonghyun when they walked to their classes.
Jonghyun was frustrated internally that Minhyun never clung on to him anymore, he secretly enjoyed it when he was being loved by someone that much. So when Minhyun completely stopped, it felt like a part of him was taken away and just left empty.
It wasn't as if Jonghyun could go up to his best friend and tell him, "hey, why did you stop your skinship with me? Can't you continue it? I liked it!" Jonghyun wasn't supposed to notice the extra skinship in the first place, and he knew fully well why Minhyun had stayed away from him. And it was weird, rejecting someone one day and asking him to be all over you again the next.
He knew how tiring it was for Minhyun too- Jonghyun saw his pained face whenever there were crumbs on his face and Minhyun couldn't brush them away. But none of them said anything about that topic to each other, so they just left their friendship the way it was, full of unsaid words and unleft touches.
Jonghyun already saw it coming- he knew it was coming, but he just let it happen. The distance between him and Minhyun grew and grew until it was too far to see him anywhere anymore.
It was mild at the start, on top of the small distance they had put between each other at first, they'd stopped talking about the randomest things and left their walks to class in silence. Then they stopped meeting for lunch and to study together, then they stopped sitting together in class, then they took longer routes so that they wouldn't run into each other in the hallways.
Jonghyun finally understood the meaning of 'you won't miss something until it's finally gone'.
It hit Jonghyun hard at first, not only did he lose a best friend, he lost a person he could spend all his time with and talk about the most ridiculous things on earth with. Initially Jonghyun thought Minhyun was going to be in the same state as him, but the social butterfly in Minhyun came out and he started mixing with other classmates, leaving Jonghyun to sit at the back of the lecture hall, their usual spot, all alone.
And if that wasn't bad enough, Minhyun smiled and joked with those classmates that he used to walk by without even noticing in the past. He sat with them, ate lunch with them and laughed with them, talking at the top of their voices so Jonghyun could hear them.
"You like someone??" One of the students Minhyun had befriended, Jinyoung, as Jonghyun recognised, questioned a little too loud.
Jonghyun's ears perked up and his head rose slightly from the table, not making the action too obvious.
"Shh!" Minhyun shushed him and looked around warily, but his eyes completely skipped Jonghyun, "not too loud, it's embarrassing."
"Who? Show us!" The student beside Jinyoung, Jihoon, exclaimed excitedly.
Minhyun looked reluctant for a moment, before complying and taking out his phone. Jonghyun was so confident- almost too confident, that Minhyun would show them a picture of him.
Minhyun tapped on a picture and showed it to his new friends, who leaned in to look closer and gasped after they realised who it was.
"Kang Daniel?? The one with pink hair?" Samuel exclaimed, slapping a hand over his mouth after he realised how loud that was.
Jonghyun's confidence flew away with his soul at that moment as his head rose fully from the table and turned in the direction of the group of excited friends.
Kang Daniel? Minhyun got over him that fast and found another guy that suited his taste more than Jonghyun in a span of several weeks?
Jonghyun's seat at the back of the lecture hall allowed him to see Minhyun's side profile, his left cheek was burning from the embarrassment of the kids robbing his phone and scrolling through his gallery, just to find more, and more pictures of Daniel, none of Jonghyun.
"Hey, you and Daniel look really good together. I hope the two of you date," Daehwi nudged Minhyun and smiled genuinely at him. Minhyun's already-red cheeks flushed an even deeper shade of red.
"Thanks," he said shyly, "I was thinking of asking him out soon, but I don't know what he'd say."
Jonghyun gathered his things and stood up from his seat, leaving the lecture hall just as the kids bombarded him with burning questions once again.
He didn't want to hear anymore. He couldn't hear anymore.
Jonghyun took one last look at Minhyun laughing till his shoulders shook, and let the tears he was holding in flow freely.
A presence appeared beside Jonghyun as he lay his head on the table at the back of the hall, picking out Minhyun's laughter among the background noise to focus on.
"You okay?"
Jonghyun turned his head to the opposite side to be met with a head of cherry-tomato-red hair, followed by a pair of big, round eyes. Even though Jonghyun had told Youngmin what Minhyun had said about "not talking to him" that day, the redhead politely respected the notice and kept some distance from Jonghyun, but not once did their friendship falter.
The smaller boy just nodded, closing his eyes to resume his fake-slumber.
"Do you mind if I sit here?" Youngmin asked kindly, and Jonghyun just mouthed a 'go ahead' to him.
"Uh... sorry if I'm asking too many questions but..." Youngmin said softly and Jonghyun cracked open his puffy, sleep-deprived eyes to see Youngmin nervously scratching the back of his neck, "did anything happen between you and Minhyun?"
Jonghyun winced. It felt like a newly-polished knife was shoved into his heart, digging out the abandoned feelings that was carefully buried deep within.
"So something did happen huh," Youngmin nodded as if he understood the excruciating pain Jonghyun was currently experiencing, "I hope the two of you make up and get back together. It doesn't feel right for you two to be apart."
Youngmin, an angel, Jonghyun thought as a corner of his mouth twitched upwards for a second. "Why?"
"I don't know, I guess I got too used to seeing you two glued to each other. It's like he's a part of you and you're a part of him, you know?" Youngmin flashed one of his blinding smiles at Jonghyun, showing off his perfectly-aligned teeth.
Jonghyun thought about his words for a second, before sighing deeply and shutting his eyes again.
"I don't want to be invasive, I just want to help, but do you mind telling me what happened between you two?" Youngmin questioned again. If it had been anyone except Youngmin- or Minhyun who had asked him this, Jonghyun's fist would've sent him flying out of the lecture hall within seconds.
"Long story short, Minhyun confessed to me. And I said no, like the idiot I am," Jonghyun's words were muffled as his words were directed to the floor.
"Ah... I see," Youngmin leaned back on his seat and folded his arms, "so it was an immediate thing? Like one day besties and next day strangers?"
"It was gradual... and that's what hurt the most. If I could turn back time and rethink my actions, I wouldn't have done what I did," Jonghyun confessed.
Youngmin's torso shot forward, colliding with Jonghyun's arm, "you wouldn't have done what you did? You wouldn't have said no?"
"I mean, I didn't know rejecting him would have such a big impact on him, so I would've said yes... i think?" Jonghyun sat up and faced the redhead.
"So that means you like him too?"
Jonghyun froze for a millisecond before shaking his head violently, "no! I don't like him, obviously."
"But if you regret your actions now, and would rather accept his confession than reject it, doesn't that clearly mean you like him? You wouldn't just accept it because you feel bad for rejecting him, would you?" Youngmin answered softly, his gentle words penetrating Jonghyun's heart and sinking in.
"B-But I don't like him... I only see him as a friend..." Jonghyun defended blindly, his mind taking him somewhere else.
Youngmin seemed to think for awhile, before tapping Jonghyun's shoulder to get back his attention. "See Minhyun over there?" Youngmin pointed to him, surrounded by his group of new friends. Jonghyun nodded.
"Tell me what's the first thing that comes to your mind when you see him like that, away from you, with his new friends. Honestly," Youngmin said seriously.
"I miss him..." Jonghyun began, his brain-to-mouth filter temporarily removed, "I don't like him smiling and laughing and being so happy with them... I want my old Minhyun back... the Minhyun who used to hug me and hold me close to him everyday... I want him to only look at me like how it used to be, just the two of us..." Jonghyun's words grew softer and softer until they drowned in the tears that were beginning to pool up in his eyes.
"See what I mean?" Youngmin placed a comforting hand on Jonghyun's shoulder, "you like him, Jonghyun, you really like him."
Jonghyun used his sweater paws to dry his tears before looking down at the floor.
"I think you're right, Youngmin," Jonghyun looked up at his friend, who was grinning blindingly at him again, "I really like him."
Even though Minhyun had changed, Hwangje hadn't. Jonghyun didn't know if he should feel grateful or infuriated.
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
updates?
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
nothing
still not talking
Jonghyun had learned that his predictions were correct. Minhyun was in a state that was almost as bad, or even worse, than him. Hwangje had told Jonghyun everything in his perspective: from the time they grew further away from each other, to the new friends and 'crush' that he had made.
Except that Daniel wasn't really his crush.
'I thought it'd work', Hwangje had ranted to him one night, 'I tried to take all my love for Jonghyun and dump it on some random guy in one of my classes and see if I'd start liking him as well, but it's useless. Now I feel kinda bad, I think the poor guy is starting to like me when I feel nothing for him'.
Jonghyun was relieved beyond words after Hwangje had told him that. He still had a chance to win Minhyun's full attention back and tell him about his newfound feelings.
But first he had to solve this mess.
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
can i ask u something?
what's stopping u from going up to jonghyun and talking to him?
is it your new friends? is it the fact that they didn't know u were besties with jonghyun before.. whatever happened?
Minhyun had read his messages a long time ago, but he didn't reply until minutes later.
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
i... actually dont know
i think its because i want jonghyun to come and approach me first
i dont know how to start a conversation with him
i dont know what to talk about
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
but u said before that he was the one who followed u around everywhere
u were always the initiator, what do u mean u don't know?
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
that's the thing! i dont know myself
i know that jonghyun probably wont initiate talking to me knowing how shy and scared he is
but i think together with the feelings i got rid of him i also got rid of my confidence
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
you don't like him anymore?
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
no shit i still like him!
i cant get rid of my feelings for him. just cant. not even daniel helps.
now that i think about it, i think im the selfish one
i know that jonghyun is the introvert that cant initiate things for shit, yet i still want him to be the one that comes up to me and talk
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
so u want him to be like
"hey minhyun i think we should talk" when u know fully well he cant do it?
When a '...' didn't appear under his message after a good 10 seconds, Jonghyun then realised the mistake he made.
It was too late to erase it, Minhyun had already seen it and the damage had been done.
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
bugi...
how do u know my name?
That's when Jonghyun started to panic.
He could imagine Minhyun saying this to him in real life, a huge 181cm monster with laser eyes turning around and frying Jonghyun with just a glance.
His trembling fingers typed out a lame excuse, full of typos.
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
tthat:s ur name,?
i ddint kno
iwas lisetning to nuests llove piant
n i was thhinking o f nuest minhuyn
i didn,t thnk it woul dbe ur nam e
Jonghyun mentally counted the number of seconds a '...' took to appear underneath his message. When it exceeded sixty, Jonghyun turned off his phone and threw it across his bed.
He was screwed. Minhyun didn't buy it.
After about five minutes, several buzzes came from the opposite end of his bed, but Jonghyun didn't bother checking it.
Curling himself up in a ball, he draped his blanket over himself and tried to stop his sweaty hands from shaking.
Minhyun knows now. Minhyun's going to confront him tomorrow. Minhyun's going to find out about his feelings from him. Minhyun will never talk to him again, both online and offline.
When Minhyun walked past Jonghyun on the way to their class like he didn't exist the next day, half of Jonghyun's heart screamed "phew" and the other half ached, as per normal, for his attention.
He fumbled for his phone and opened the app, clicking on their chat window.
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
is that so?
what a coincidence
love paint's a great song right bugi?
bugi?
smh u always keep falling asleep in the middle of our convos
sleep well bugi!!
Jonghyun nearly fainted from the relief that washed over him like a huge wave.
Seems like he wasn't the only oblivious one, Minhyun was too. Such an obvious slip up and Minhyun still didn't know.
The rest of the lesson went by uneventful, Jonghyun sitting at the back of the hall with Youngmin, and Minhyun sitting in front with his buddies.
After the teacher walked out of the hall, Jonghyun saw Minhyun get attacked with hugs by a kid that had transferred in a few days before and attached himself to Minhyun like a koala the day he arrived. Seonho, the tall and smart kid who wore crooked glasses and ate five meals a day but managed to skip three grades and land in uni before any of his friends could.
"Minhyun hyung!" His much too loud voice echoed in the lecture hall that was slowly emptying, "will you help me with this?"
"Yes, Seonho?" Minhyun replied gently and softly, but Jonghyun was still able to hear him with the help of the echos and the low noise level.
"Let's find lookalikes of our classmates! I used to do this back in high school with my friends, and this way we could remember everyone in our classes really fast!" Seonho excitedly bounced up and down, his crooked glasses slanting down further and further.
Minhyun smiled fondly at the younger and nodded, "of course hyung will help you. Come here," he gestured beside him but Seonho being Seonho, draped himself over Minhyun instead.
"Who should we start with..." Seonho scanned the hall and looked at the remaining students left, "that guy! What's his name? He looks like Nemo from Finding Nemo! And the guy beside him looks like Olaf from Frozen!"
Minhyun looked in the direction Seonho was pointing at and laughed out loud, his eyes curving into much-too-familiar crescents. "The one on the left is Hwanwoong, and the other is Geonhee."
"Hwanwoong hyung, Nemo, Geonhee hyung, Olaf," Seonho repeated to himself, "got it!"
Seonho's eyes moved to where Youngmin and Jonghyun were sitting and Jonghyun instinctively ducked his head behind his pile of books. Youngmin, however, waved at Seonho with overwhelming enthusiasm.
"That hyung! He looks like an alpaca!" Seonho looked proud at himself for the comparison, "and the hyung beside him... hellooo? Raise your head please!"
Jonghyun warily peeked from behind the pile, and saw both Seonho's and Minhyun's eyes fixated on him.
"Hm... that hyung looks like..." Seonho looked diagonally to the ceiling and placed a hand under his chin, thinking, "he looks like an onibugi! From Pokemon!"
Jonghyun and Minhyun locked gazes, and time slowed to a halt.
After what seemed like an eternity, Minhyun broke the connection and turned to Seonho, "what did you say he looks like?"
"An onibugi! You know, the blue turtle that has wings as ears and a bushy tail, don't tell me you don't know, hyung!" Seonho said, exasperated.
Minhyun looked lost in thought for several seconds, and Jonghyun could almost hear the cogs in his brain turning, trying to process some very, familiar information that was just fed to him.
And suddenly the cogs stopped turning, a lightbulb flickered on above Minhyun's head and he gazed back up at the panicking boy, with eyes that reflected realisation, confusion, surprise, shock, and a hundred other emotions that Jonghyun couldn't catch as he grabbed his bag and sprinted out of the hall.
He faintly heard Youngmin calling after him, but he didn't look back. He couldn't look back.
Not when his deepest, darkest secret was indirectly spilled to the last person he ever wanted to know about it.
Jonghyun flopped on his sofa, breathless from running all the way home.
Minhyun knows. Minhyun knows. Minhyun kn-
He fished for his phone in his back pocket, trying not to drop it with his trembling hands. He had to clear up the misunderstanding.
Minhyun was already in their chat window, and the word 'online' never looked so intimidating to Jonghyun before.
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
i know you know
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
anin cheokhaedo?
Jonghyun rolled his eyes, but he couldn't stop a grin from spreading out on his face. It was nice to see Minhyun back as the Minhyun he knew.
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
shut up i'm being serious
are u not going to say anything?
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
what do u want me to say?
i know that twitter user onibugibugi is my best friend kim jonghyun
and so?
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
i knew all about your crush on me way before u even confessed
and i know that u still like me despite u not talking to me for about the past month
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
oh sweet, pure, innocent, cute jonghyun sweetie
this smart desert fox knew u were jonghyun wayyy before the first dm to u about my crush on u
Jonghyun's hands tensed up and his phone fell out of his hands, falling with a small 'thump' on the sofa. Minhyun had lied to him all this while? He was the one being deceived?
There was too much information to process at the moment so Jonghyun picked his phone back up and read the remaining messages that Minhyun had sent him.
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
u idiot
u think i never noticed that u looked like an onibugi?
not many people bias kwon hyunbin in the first place
plus u inputted ur birthday on ur profile
all i had to do was connect the dots, stupid
Jonghyun never felt so stupid in his entire life as he processed the clues that Minhyun hinted at him. Minhyun had been the smart one all this while, tricking Jonghyun, making him believe that he didn't know, acting as if he was so surprised when Seonho pointed out that he looked like an onibugi.
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
what the-
fine u win
but why did u decide to do all this..?
like u could have just told me from the start that u were minhyun
that would've saved me so much stress
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
wheres the fun in that?
it was so cute tbh
seeing u so surprised when u realised that i was minhyun
especially when u accidentally said my name
god the typos... u cutie
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
oh my god i hate u so much
im never talking to u again
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
nah u love me
wait u dont
nevermind take back what i just said
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
i love u minhyun
ok im serious im not joking i rly love u
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
dont...
don't say that just because u know that i want to hear it
u don't mean it and i don't want that
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
i said i was serious minhyun
i. love. u
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
is that really what ur heart says?
because if it's not im not listening to it
follow your heart jonghyun, not ur mind
what does ur heart say
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
oh my god
Jonghyun rolled off the sofa and stumbled out of the door after slipping on a pair of slippers lying about.
What did his heart say? His heart said the crescent-shaped eyes of Minhyun whenever he smiled. His heart said the airy, high-pitched giggle whenever Minhyun tried to laugh discreetly. His heart said the beautiful way Minhyun's eyelashes fluttered whenever he blinked.
His heart said Minhyun.
All those weeks of regretting his actions, missing him, wanting his affection and attention, feeling jealous of him talking to other classmates, noticing and liking every small detail of him boiled down to only one thing. He loved Minhyun and he didn't doubt it a second time.
ㅇㅅㅇ @hwangemperor
jonghyun?
what happened
ㄱㅎㅂ @onibugibugi
are u at home
if u are please open the door
Jonghyun panted, sweat running down the sides of his face and his back, but he didn't care, he didn't care about anything else except the fact that he was going to make Minhyun believe that he loved him.
He heard the sound of the lock clicking, then a shocked-looking Minhyun appeared at the doorway. Jonghyun didn't hesitate a second before crashing into his arms and kissing the life out of him.
Minhyun squealed a little at first, the impact of the kiss sent the both of them falling backwards into Minhyun's house, Jonghyun on top of a still very much traumatised Minhyun.
"You haven't replied me," Minhyun smiled, a few moments after they broke away, breathless, "so what does your heart say?"
"If I haven't made it obvious enough, want me to make it even more obvious to you?" Jonghyun returned the grin and Minhyun closed his eyes, still smiling.
Jonghyun leaned down and pressed their lips together for the second time, this time much more sweeter, with more emotion, than the first. Minhyun responded to the kiss just as enthusiastically, reaching out a hand to place behind Jonghyun's head, pushing him closer.
"Believe me now?" Jonghyun pushed Minhyun away before they got too immersed in it, and Minhyun looked a little disappointed but still gazed into Jonghyun's eyes, his eyes filled with nothing but overflowing love.
"Did you trick me this time or did your feelings only come after I confessed to you?" Minhyun giggled, heavenly music to Jonghyun's ears.
"Only after you confessed to me then did I realised that I loved you all along," Jonghyun wrapped his arms round Minhyun's neck and hugged him so tight he thought he was going to choke Minhyun, "I can't trick the pro, only the pro can trick me."
Minhyun chuckled again, his chest vibrating as Jonghyun leaned his head against it. The former brought a hand up to stroke Jonghyun's messy and sweaty hair, and Jonghyun never felt so at home.
Jonghyun closed his eyes, ears filled with the sound of Minhyun's steady heartbeat. His love was right in front of him all along, and although he took the long way round realising it, riding on a rollercoaster of emotions, it still brought him to the same place, a universe where only the two of them would exist, the universe in Minhyun's eyes.