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A distinguished prep school where the classes are the challenging, the students are special, and your dreams carry to other places and other times while you sleep. Welcome to Morning Glory Academy.
Hello listeners.
To start things off I’ve been asked by Ms. Dagney to remind everyone that they are strictly are forbidden to be out of bed after lights out without a pass. Should you be so lucky to obtain a night pass and not be a member of Mr. Gribb’s security team, you should not in anyway acknowledge the security team unless they are asking to be shown your night pass. In fact, even if you do have an out of bed pass, consider not making eye contact. Certainly do not approach members of the security team especially if they are wearing robes and performing strange rituals.
And now the news.
It seems there was a quite a commotion in one of Miss Daramount’s classes this afternoon what with the chalkboard exploding and all. Tragically, this did not keep her third period physics from having to take their thermodynamics test as it seems that the miscreants were almost immediately apprehended. Then again, if our education evaluations had to be delayed every time there was mysterious event, we’d never have time to take tests, right?
Accounts vary on what exactly happened--understandably I mean explosions usually take up the larger chunks of my memory. But my sources confirm that Akiko, Brendan, and Vanessa Richmond have not seen since before lunchtime.
Their loss, however temporary, will certainly be felt among our little school community. Vanessa Richmond always seemed genuinely nice, and her and Brendan were super cute together even if his hair was kind of douchey. That guy also had some pretty sweet dance moves as we all saw at our annual Spring Fling Dance. Too bad.
Unfortunately, I don’t know much about Ms. Akiko to eulogize her. But really, how much can we really know about any other human being, I mean truly? You just can’t. I mean, we’re just bits of gray matter piloting meatsuits on a rock that hurtles through the vastness of space. It seems deceptively simplistic when really all of us contains multitudes of the unknown and unexplored universes.
They will be dearly missed, and we hope that they will be soon be released from under the watchful, diabolical gaze of Nurse Nine. And with all their own limbs and sanity mostly intact.
I mean, we can hope right?
According to blonde Paige, one of the two Paiges from the same cohort who are currently sophomores says that tomorrow is enrollment day for brand new bunch of newbs. I’m not going to pretend that I understand the actual admittance process to MGA, but if she’s right then about six new students are definitely going to be getting the shittiest birthday surprise. Not that being accepted to one of the most prestigious boarding schools in the country isn’t a great present, but this place is seriously weird, right?
Blonde Paige assured us that everyone in the new cohort is interesting and will be a boon to our education, but I always suggest taking everything Paige says with a heaping tablespoon of salt. I mean, she is constantly chewing gum.
Not only is it a disgusting habit, but seriously where does she get all of it? I haven’t been off campus for five years, but this gum smacking yob manages to get enough gum to keep up what has to be at least a pack a day habit? Did she bring nothing but gum with her?
Unless, maybe she’s pulling a Violet Beauregard and just chewing the same piece over and over again? None of it’s sugar free either because she’s constantly blowing huge, obnoxiously pink bubbles with it too. I’d worry about her dental health from all that clearly sugary gum she’s chewing. I mean, she’s probably not going to get to visit a dentist for another three years. Just think of the potential cavities. I am fairly certain that Nurse Nine has no dental training whatsoever.
I’m not sure what sort of medical training she has at all. I mean, is she an RN? Licensed practical nurse? Nurse Practitioner? We just don’t know.
Do we want to know?
No, probably not. There are just some things that are better off not thinking about. Like the nurse and what goes on the nurses’ office where you can occasionally hear the shrieks and moans of people. Well, what were probably once people just like you and I.
Now the Community Calendar. As previously mentioned, tomorrow is enrollment day, but more importantly, it is also body removal. So if you know of a corpse, make sure to report it so that it can be properly cleared away unless you want to wait for the next body removal day. If the body is in shared space, make sure someone takes care of reporting.
Be sure to communicate with others. Don’t just assume your roommate is going to do it because you totally filed that report for the burnt out lightbulb. I didn’t realize doing one maintenance report meant that I was in charge of all the custodial duties for our room. It’s not that I mind really, but it would be nice not to automatically be assumed that I’m going to do all the work. You live here too you know!
Anyway, this coming Saturday the boys’ intramural soccer teams will be holding a game. Be sure to turn out and cheer for your favorite players, or just go greet Roy the Ram who is usually the most entertaining part of these games for anyone who isn’t into musclebound dudebros strutting up and down the field. If that’s your thing, then know I am only sort of judging you.
There will be a student council meeting on Monday afternoon, which as we all know is a great practice for when we join the ranks of the world government as is expected of us when we graduate.
You wake in a lab. You have never seen it before, but it is familiar to you nonetheless. You walk the sterile halls until you come to a door. There is a woman in the throes of labor, she grabs your hand and whispers that she will birth a god that none are worthy to look upon. She yells a name that only was never met for human tongues, and you run--you run far, far away until you’re safe under the covers. The covers will protect you from what exactly, you’re not sure.
Keep your sheets clean. They are your only ally.
And now the weather.
It’s time for me to sign off, fellow students. Our program is at an end, and it’s time for all the little scholars to go to bed. While you’re laying your head down on your school-issued pillow, just think of all the reasons why we love our little school with its gorgeous campus, the rigorous curriculum, diverse student student body, and it’s ever increasing list of terrifying mysteries.
And I’m here to tell you, listeners, Morning Glory Academy loves you back. As you gently slip into slumber, let her sing you a lullaby of the breathing of your roommates, creaks of an ancient building, and the melodic chants of the cultists. Let her wrap you in the arms of a brilliance and a maroon and navy uniform. Let Morning Glory Academy hold you because it’s never going to let you go.
Good night, MGA, good night.