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Rin was one incident away from requesting a transfer. Not threatening but actually doing it. Exam week or not, if he knocked over one more fucking pile of books, he was going to lose it. He bent over to stack them up so hopefully he wouldn’t trip over them again. This kid was driving him crazy.
He picked up one book and groaned. How many times did he have to tell him to keep his fucking porn on his bed? Or hell, on the top of the wardrobe cupboards would be fine. Anywhere that wasn’t the fucking floor.
He started to chuck the book up onto Nitori’s bed, but a rip in the cover caught his eye before he could. It sort of looked like the book jacket, but books like these never had jackets. It didn’t take a genius to realize that Nitori had taken a cover from a different book to hide the real one.
Except, normally when someone did that, they were trying to hide the fact that they had porn at all and chose some sort of novel to disguise it as. It had to be something really perverted for Nitori to hide it with a porn book cover. The temptation to peek and see exactly what he was hiding was incredibly strong. He really wanted to, but he also didn’t want to invade Nitori’s privacy. But then, who said Nitori had to find out? He’d just take a little peek then toss it up on his bed like he’d planned.
He gave into curiosity and cracked the book open.
The page he opened to was a sex scene, or at least part of one. It was a truly breathtaking drawing of a young man lying on a bed, marks around him to indicate trembling and panting, and his fists clutching at the blanket and pillow and he looked completely wrecked, his dick leaking onto his abs. He really had a lovely body. It was depicted as covered in sweat and had gorgeous lines of muscle. He was thin and short with straight bangs mussed around from the activities he was participating in. There was a vague shape of the top’s dick in his ass and hands on his legs.
Rin’s breath caught. He looked so much like Nitori. All he needed was a little mole on his face and he would be perfect. In black and white, there really wasn’t much difference. He found himself reaching out and tracing the lines on his body with his finger. Obviously this must have been chosen for this character’s resemblance to Nitori. Perhaps so it was easier for Nitori to put himself in his place when he read it.
The page to the left of this gorgeous drawing had both characters. The top was holding the bottom’s thighs so his legs were around his hips and he was panting. He was muscular as well, but in a broader way. Wider shoulders and thicker arms, definitely. Whoever had drawn this had a good handle on actual muscle shape. The bottom appeared to be thrashing under him and begging for more. The top’s hair was in even worse shape than his.
He decided to look at the actual cover to see what they looked like in color. He carefully pulled away the tape so he wouldn’t tear it even more and pulled away the false cover to see what was underneath. He frowned when he saw the color drawing.
The top had vivid red hair and tan skin. He was grinning down at his partner, who was wearing a school uniform and beaming up at him with his hands on his shoulders. They were both wearing school uniforms actually, though it appeared they were for different grades. They looked happy and in love and while the bottom’s hair was a light brown instead of grey, they both had a very serious feeling of familiarity for Rin. Obviously the bottom looked like Nitori, but it was harder to place the resemblance for the top.
Until he lifted his head and spotted Nitori’s treasured photo of the team. One glance was all it took for the resemblance to snap into place.
The fucking captain.
The top fucking the Nitori lookalike looked just like the captain. Even the drawn smile looked like Mikoshiba’s.
He had to drop the book to keep from crushing it in anger. He took a breath and counted to ten. He couldn’t get mad about Nitori’s choice of porn. That was stupid and irrational. Plus, it could just be a coincidence. He could just like it because of the bottom or the top’s body type. It might not have anything to do with looking like Mikoshiba.
But he had to make sure. No matter what he told himself about it being invasive and wrong, he had to.
He dropped the book onto his desk and went back to Nitori’s messy space. He had no idea where Nitori was keeping the rest of his porn supply. Mostly it seemed to get mixed in with his school supplies or journals, but he had only seen the one lately. He decided to start with the desk drawers and Nitori’s book bag.
As he expected, he found a magazine inside the bag. He had always wondered how Nitori ended up with porn in his school stuff, but Nagisa had pointed out that he probably wasn’t comfortable looking at that stuff in the room they shared, so he might smuggle them to a private place when he wanted them.
The found magazine had a false cover too. Inside it was all male. All the dog-eared pages featured a certain type too. They were all muscular, tall, and tanned with fucking red hair. He slammed it down beside the doujinshi and went back to his search.
He practically tore the room apart looking for it all, but he had no doubt that he had found it all. He looked around a realized that the mess he thought he’d created wasn’t in fact a mess. Without thinking about it, he had cleaned up to make it easier to find what he wanted. He was actually kind of pleased. Now he wouldn’t have to hide the fact that he had found Nitori’s porn. Because he had cleaned and he could dump the damn things on his bed where they belonged.
He smirked to himself, then pulled out his desk chair and dropped into it. He started looking through the books and magazines. By the time he had gone through all of them, it was clear that the book was no coincidence. Not only did Nitori have two more from that series, but all his disguised magazines had dog-eared pages with red-heads.
He nearly tore the last one in his hands as he literally started to quake with fury. He threw it to the side and stood up to pace out the energy his anger gave him. What on earth could Nitori possibly see in that hyperactive idiot? Sure he was good looking but what else did he have going for him?
He’s nice to him, a cutting voice in the back of his mind reminded him. He’s smart. Doesn’t lose his temper and yell. Encourages Nitori all the time. He really hated his subconscious. He also hated that it was right. Nitori had no reason not to like Mikoshiba.
It didn’t stop the anger or the weight in his chest.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Nitori came back from his study group to find the room clean and Rin-senpai gone. He checked his phone for a text message but there wasn’t one. No note around either. He didn’t like coming back to an empty room, especially not when he’d been so excited to tell Rin about how well he had done during their reviews. He carefully put away the books he’d taken with him so as not to ruin his senpai’s hard work and hoped Rin would be back soon. It was hard to sleep without his breathing below him.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Rin ran around the school twice before he was calm enough to return to his dorm. Even just being across the hall from Mikoshiba felt dangerous. He wasn’t sure he trusted himself enough not to confront him. Not that he necessarily knew that Nitori liked him or that it was his fault, but he wanted…He wanted him to take good care of Nitori if he did.
His throat felt clogged again. He collapsed onto steps to the dorm building and put his head in his hands.
“Senpai?” He nearly leapt out of skin in shock. When he raised his head, he found Nitori standing in front of him with his too big hoodie on over his shorts and goofy printed t-shirt, holding a bag from the convenience store. He looked worried, per usual. “It’s a little late for jogging, Rin-senpai.”
Rin wanted to cry just looking at him. It was one thing to think he and Nitori were never going to be together. It was a whole other to have it confirmed. He looked away and muttered, “It’s a little late for candy, Nitori.”
Nitori chuckled awkwardly. “I know. It’s not candy.” He sat on the steps beside Rin and pulled out a box from his paper bag. “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d go get an energy drink to take to my tests. And these. Cinnamon rolls! We can share.”
“You’re going to drive everyone crazy tomorrow with that much sugar,” Rin replied.
Nitori shrugged and put the box back in the bag. Then he slid closer to Rin and leaned so he could catch his gaze. If Rin wasn’t so upset, it’d be cute. “Are you all right, senpai? Are you mad about the room? I’m sorry it was such a wreck. Thank you for cleaning.”
“I didn’t do it for you,” Rin muttered. “I got sick of it.” Nitori still smiled gratefully. Rin stood up. “I’m tired. Let’s go.” Nitori hopped up too and hurried to follow him inside. Rin wanted to tell him what was wrong. He wanted confirmation that Nitori liked the captain. But he was terrified of hearing it from his lips. He wanted to keep telling himself he had a chance.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
“Rin, is something wrong?”
He tried to ignore the question, but Makoto wasn’t the only one watching him. Everyone was now. Even Gou looked concerned. He didn’t want to tell them with her around. He definitely didn’t want to tell Nagisa. He’d probably try to “help” by telling Nitori all about Rin’s little problem. Then Nitori would know how he felt and they would never be able to have the same relationship again.
But maybe talking about it with Makoto would help him calm down and accept it. Rei might even be able to help with that abrasive, straight-forward way he liked to talk to him. Haru wouldn’t be any use. He wouldn’t understand what it was like to be completely and utterly devastated by jealousy or the inability to ever have the person you love.
Nagisa was just too action oriented. Gou didn’t need to know her brother favored men when the possibility of a relationship wasn’t present.
Rin looked at Makoto and nodded. “Yeah. But I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
Makoto looked completely understanding and didn’t press for information at all until it was time to go their separate ways. “Is Nitori going to be waiting?” he asked. Rin shook his head. “Do you want to come back with Haru and me?”
Rin nodded.
They went to Haru’s house and sat around his table. Haru looked like he desperately wanted to be in his bathtub, but he also looked concerned for him. Rin appreciated the concern. He looked down at his crossed legs and sighed. “I like Nitori. Romantically.”
Makoto smiled supportively, and while Rin didn’t see it, he could hear it when he said, “We’ve known that for a while. Why is it making you upset now?”
“Because he likes someone else,” Rin told him earnestly.
“Oh? Are you sure?” Rin looked up and saw that he looked completely perplexed by that statement. He didn’t want to, but he told them what he had done and what he had discovered. Rather than looking enlightened, however, they both looked even more confused. They stared at him like he was an alien creature and he started to get agitated.
“Rin, you have red hair,” Haru reminded him dryly before he could.
“You’re also tan, muscular, and your hair doesn’t always behave itself,” Makoto added.
Rin was stunned. He really hadn’t considered it could be him. He had just automatically assumed it had to be Mikoshiba because he didn’t think Nitori could like him instead. Haru narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re so thick sometimes.”
Rin glared at him and reluctantly refrained from starting a fight. He would just have to get back at him later. He looked at Makoto and said, “How do I ask him who he likes?”
Makoto immediately flushed. “I-I don’t know,” he admitted shyly. “I’ve never had to do that.” Rin wanted to groan. Who else was he supposed to ask then? “But, you know, it wouldn’t matter what I told you anyway, Rin. That stuff is situational and different for every set of people. Why don’t you think on it and figure out what you’d like to do? What feels right for you and Nitori?”
The whole answer sounded like wishy-washy bullshit, honestly, but he had a point. Nitori had a tendency to complete eight-six his plans. Making one only ended with a wasted plan. He got to his feet and nodded. “Ok. Thank you, Makoto, Haru.”
He nearly ran out of the house.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Nitori was reviewing his Algebra text when Rin arrived back at the dorm. He had a bag of his own this time and slammed it on his desk so hard Nitori jumped and stuttered over his greeting. Rin dragged out his chair and turned it to face Nitori’s. “Put that away. We need to talk.”
Nitori reluctantly bookmarked his page and pushed it away. To his surprise, Rin didn’t immediately sit down. Instead he climbed up the ladder and across Nitori’s bed. To the younger’s horror, he took some of Nitori’s erotic books from their place above the cupboards and climbed down again. He put them all on his desk too.
“First off, I don’t give a shit what you read to get off. Cut it out with the fake covers.” Nitori turned bright red and started to speak. Rin dropped into his seat and silenced him by raising his hand in front of his face. “Don’t worry, okay? I don’t care what gender you like.”
Nitori breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you, senpai. I promise I wouldn’t violate –”
“Shut up, I’m not done,” Rin cut in. Nitori looked surprised, but he needed to do this before he lost his nerve or screwed something up. “Secondly, I looked at them and noticed a prevailing pattern.” Nitori started to look nervous again. “Buff, tan redheads. Lots of them. Some of them paired with younger, smaller men.” Nitori started to fidget and shift and Rin could tell he was searching for an excuse.
Rin leaned forward and said, “I thought you might have a thing for the captain.” He caught Nitori’s confused frown even though he was looking down. It quickly became a look of eagerness and Rin realized that his assumption was about to be used against him when Nitori lied to him. The realization felt like triumph. “But then I was reminded that I’m a buff, tan redhead.”
Nitori flinched. Rin’s heart pounded. “Tell me. I need to hear you say it.”
The younger hunched over and clenched his fists on top of his knees. Rin knew when Nitori was hiding his tears. But comfort would have to wait. He needed to hear him say it before he could do anything. He couldn’t just assume and steal what might very well be Nitori’s first kiss.
“I-I’m sorry,” Nitori sobbed, his shoulders shaking. “I’m sorry, senpai. Please don’t hate me.”
Rin slid forward to the edge of his seat. “Say it, Ai.”
Nitori reached up and wiped at his eyes without lifting his head. “I…I love you, senpai.”
Rin grinned. Making Nitori cry was worth it now. He slid forward even more and dropped uncaringly to his knees in front of Nitori’s seat where it was easiest to catch his eyes. He reached up and cupped his cheeks firmly. “Stop crying,” he said, dragging his thumbs under Nitori’s watery blue eyes to wipe away his tears. Nitori choked trying to do so. The tears kept coming. “C’mon, you can do it. I’m not going to kiss you if you get all snotty.”
Nitori opened his eyes and his bottom lip wobbled. He looked surprised to see Rin smiling at him. “You’re going to kiss me?”
“When you stop crying,” Rin confirmed. He stretched up and pulled Nitori’s head down so he could kiss his forehead. “I love you too, Ai. Now stop crying.”
Nitori lurched forward and ended up wailing into his shoulder. “Don’t do that! I thought you were mad at me!” Rin just went with it and held Nitori in his lap. “You looked so cold.”
“I know. I had to,” Rin told him. “I couldn’t let you lie to me. I had to know if it was me or Mikoshiba.”
Nitori sniffled and wiped at his cheeks in a way that Rin would never admit was adorable. “Why did you think it was the captain?”
Rin shrugged. “Because he’s nicer to you than I am. And that’s my luck. I don’t usually get what – or in this case who – I want. Not without a fight. I never imagined you’d feel the same. Why would you? I only started being nice to you a couple months ago. Before that, I treated you like shit and even scared you. Why would you love someone like that?”
To his surprise, Nitori leaned away and smiled playfully. “Because I’m an idiot.”
His eyebrows went up and he smirked back. “Oh, really? It’s stupid to love me, huh?” Nitori nodded, still smiling. Rin shook his head and held him a little more firmly. Then, in one smooth motion, he turned and pinned Nitori to the ground beside their bed. He grabbed both of Nitori’s wrists in one hand and pinned them above his head. Nitori did not look fearful at all. In fact, he looked fairly amused.
Rin had planned to tickle him, but that smile and the knowledge that he never had to resist again wrecked his plan immediately. He adjusted his position and scooted up so he wasn’t sitting on Nitori’s legs but over his stomach instead. Nitori started to look a little confused. Rin leaned down and used his free hand to tilt Nitori’s chin up. Still smiling, he leaned down and pressed their lips together chastely. When he pulled back, Nitori had his eyes shut and his lips parted. Rin smirked.
The underclassman opened his eyes and flushed even as he smiled. Rin leaned down to kiss him again, this time teasingly licking at his mouth until Nitori parted his lips and stretched his neck to keep him near.
Nitori surprised him by suddenly throwing a leg over his hip and flipping them over. Not only was Rin surprised he could, but he was surprised he had taken the initiative. Nitori straddled his lap and pulled him up by his shoulders. “You’re mean,” he said petulantly.
He wrapped his arms around Rin’s neck and pressed their lips together again. Rin clutched at him and eagerly increased the heat in the kiss. His grip on the back of Nitori’s shirt pushed it up and Nitori shivered against him. He was getting increasingly eager, desperately trying not to push for more. Nitori was younger, even if it wasn’t by much, and they hadn’t even confessed until a few minutes ago. He might not be ready.
Nitori slid a hand up into his hair and curled his fingers to hold the strands tightly. When they pulled away for air, he said, “Senpai’s hair is so soft,” breathlessly.
“Really? You’re going to call me that now?” Rin questioned, resolutely refusing to acknowledge the compliment. Despite what he wanted, his cheeks flushed.
Nitori blushed too. “Sorry. Habit,” he explained. He tried to go in for another kiss, but Rin stopped his with his hand in front of his mouth. “What’s wrong?”
“I want to hear you say it,” Rin told him, smirking yet again. Nitori looked confused. “Say Rin. I want to hear it. Not Rin-senpai, just Rin. Then you can have as many kisses as you’d like.”
Nitori’s face got even redder. “I can say it,” he said grumpily. Rin raised his eyebrows expectantly. The younger looked shy, but he did manage to mutter, “Rin,” without habitually adding a senpai to it. Rin smiled. Nitori continued to look shy and Rin really wished that wasn’t so cute.
“Better,” he said encouragingly, leaning forward to give Nitori his desired kiss. Nitori stopped him with his own hand over his mouth and another playful smile.
“Say Ai first,” he ordered lightheartedly.
“Ai,” Rin replied without hesitation. He pushed Nitori’s hand away and leaned forward for his kiss. “My Ai,” he breathed, moving his lips to his neck and then his jaw and everywhere else that looked like it would be fun to kiss, the whole time muttering, “Ai, my Ai, finally mine,” in several variations.
Nitori got redder and redder with every kiss. Rin muttered cute with one of them and thought Nitori might transform into a tomato just because of how red he was.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
A couple hours later, they ended up happily sitting on Rin’s bed together, watching a DVD on the dorm television. Nitori had Rin’s head in his lap and was gently stroking his hair. Rin was dangerously close to falling asleep. Suddenly, Nitori asked, “Why were you going through my porn?”
Rin yawned. “The cover was torn.”
“That doesn’t explain why you went through the rest.” Rin turned his head to look at the television. “Why did you look through the rest, Rin-senpai?” Rin pinched his mouth shut and refused to answer. He heard the amusement in Nitori’s voice as he asked, “Were you jealous, senpai?”
Rin sat up and looked away. “Get out of my bed. I wanna sleep.”
The freshman giggled and didn’t move to do as told. Instead, he moved to kiss Rin’s cheek. “You don’t have to be jealous anymore, okay? I only love you.”
Rin grabbed his pillow and shoved it in Nitori’s face while his own face heated up. “I wasn’t jealous, you little twerp. Get out of my bed.”
Nitori laughed.