Chapter Text
'You're home Iza-nii~!'
The happy voice of one of the twins woke Izaya up from the deep thoughts. Mairu passed a doorway as a first making circles around the living room. He looked around spacious apartments that he haven't been in around two years. The quite one from the twins was leading his wheelchair to the center of the apartment. He stared at the stairs that now have a lift for his wheelchair.
'Iza-nii...' he could hear Kururi's voice behind him.
With a hesitation he turned his head her way. Still he couldn't believe their story about him having siblings. It was as if his mind just wiped his memory of this place, of the twins and he assumed of a lot of other things. Mairu and Kururi had retrieved him from Kanto and brought back to Tokyo.
For a long time he was under the care of man called Kine and a girl Manami who was from time to time asking him weird questions. While Izaya had been recovering from his wounds after the car accident those two were his frequent and only visitors. While he had been in the hospital he had realized that he was really good with gathering information in his blank brain. At the first few days after he had woke up he was zoning out quite frequently. Each time he was stuck on the crossway in the middle of a big city with neon signs and big screens around him. There were a lot of people standing still their faces gray like untuned TV channel. He had tried to pass them and the crossing but each way the light on the crossing had been red. He couldn't make his legs to move forward. But with each passing day he had been able to walk a little bit further and while passing the dark allays he knew that information that he gather about the hospital, about its patients and stuff or their records was in the dark corners behind the buildings. He could enter the buildings and shops after some time. He had knew that there was the whole city in his head and each street contained the certain information but every time he was entering this place it started on this big crossing. It was his way of remembering the information. He could see them from those small written on the newspapers in the cafe shops to those big ones on the billboards.
Most of the times he had been staying in his head with informations he gathered. After his long time in the hospital he had left with those two odd people- Kine and Manami. And while he was free from this white prison and with access to the internet he started to gather more information of the outside world. He just couldn't stop as if it was the only thing he had been doing all his life. He knew about computers and programs even though he was not sure from where. He was almost obsessed with finding people. He was helping people with finding their loved ones and secrets why their left in the first place. Some days he hasn't even slept and in the morning he woke up with a blanket on his back. He was sure that one of his babysitters was watching him.
There were times he was dreaming of a bear with pale gold fur. Most of the time he was running from the animal. It was roaring with its muzzle wide open showing its teeth. But Izaya was not afraid. He was running at least in his dreams. And it was the biggest joy of his mundane life for over a year. His legs were taking him farther and farther away from the beast. The bigger the distance between him and the animal the louder it roared. There were times when the beast was not paying attention to him and than Izaya spend hours to observe it to admire its shape, the color of its fur, the strength in its pawns. Blown-golden eyes staying focused on its task ahead of it. And there was this one time when he almost touch it but then it smelled him in the air and the chase has begun. He had only hoped that he hasn't let slip one of his comments about the beast for it to be beautiful or magnificent while he was asleep.
One time he has received an e-mail similar to every he had received in the past year. Two young girls had been looking for their brother to confirme his death. It would be work same as ever. But this particular message contained the attached photo. After he has opened the attachment his whole world freezed. From his trance woke him the sound of crushing cup that he has been holding. The photo was of him. It was his face! He could hear Manami's voice calling him while his eyes stayed on the screen. The only words he said was: 'It's me'. And that made Manami to look the same way as Izaya. Kine appeared at their side seconds later.
And that way he found himself here. Even though Kine has said that his wish before he lost his concious and memories was to take him from here in the first place. So together with Manami they'd done that very thing. Granting the wish of a dying man. It had been a miracle that he survived with his side with ugly scar, legs unable to carry him far and memories locked somewhere deep in that city inside his head. Few days later Orihara twins picked him from Kanto and together they come back to Shinjuku. Funny thing was that Shinjuku even if it was big it was not a reflection of the city inside his head. They had left Kine and Manami in Kanto. They preferred to not go back to the lives they had left behind on the day of his accident. One thing stayed the same. Twins also claimed that he had accident and it involved the truck. But Izaya assumed that it was the part of their conversation with Kine and Manami before they departed. Each time he was thinking about crash involving a truck was of the body flying few meters and rolling on the street. And it was not him, for sure.
Mairu and Kururi stayed in the guest bedroom to keep an eye on him. On the second day in the...in his apartment his sisters invited a doctor. They told him he used to be his private doctor because past-Izaya had hated hospitals. There was nothing suspicious with their explanation because his last time in the hospital had been slowly making him mad. But after he met Kishitani Shinra he was sure there was something wrong with his choice of the physician.
'I've asked the hospital in Kanto to send me your medical record' said the man his age with bright smile and oval glasses. 'They send it this morning so I'm going to confirm the results and put them to my own records of yours.'
'Your name is Kishitani, right?' Izaya asked more and more daubting the sanity of that man.
'Call me Shinra' the exchange made the undeground doctor a little bit nostalgic.
'It seems I used to be a frequent guest in your clinic Kishitani-sensei' Izaya said laying on the leather couch in the living room.
The underground doctor laughed nervously and looked for a second at the twins. He turned to Izaya helping him with a shirt to lift it.
'Well... you can call me Shinra.'
'THAT frequent?' asked Izaya looking suspicious at the man.
'W-wha... No! We know eachother from school! So you could say that you visited few time~! Ha-ha-ha...' Shinra started to wave his hands in front of him in a nervous way.
'Do you even own a clinic, Kishitani-SENSEI?' he accented the title narrowing his eyes.
'Even without your memories you're an asshole, Izaya-kun!' Shinra made a pouting face.
'I-za-ya-kun...'
Something was not right. Unintentionally the raven was standing on this crossing in his head. He was looking around at gray faces of the crowd. He could still hear his name in the echo of the low voice. People were surrounding him in circle. Gray untuned faces and still he tried to find the person that called him. The world was making round, spinning with the gray crowd, blurring and than the pain in his legs. He fell on his knees on the cold concrete.
His eyes snapped open. He looked down to see this Shinra doctor bending his leg in the knee checking their flexibility. Izaya bit his bottom lip hissing in the pain. His hand landed on the doctors shoulder squeezing as hard as he could.
'That bad?' asked Shinra looking at ravens face. 'He has taken a toll on you, huh?'
'W-who?' rasped Izaya.
'Who? Shi...' whatever Shinra tried to tell him was interrupted.
'Shitty driver!' said Mairu jumping in their way.
Shinra looked her way. Behind the hyperactive twin the other nodded in the silent confirmation. Behind the couch backrest the informant couldn't see that exchange of the looks between others. Shinra's wide open eyes blinked and he went back to the work in hand. He wrote something on the documents send by the hospital. He asked for Izaya to turn and started to examine his spine. He could feel under his fingers that few vertebrae in the spine were damaged. He has heard from few people and Shizuo, himself, that at the final battle Izaya had rised himself from the concrete. But Shinra was not sure if the strength to do that was from the adrenaline pumping thought Izaya's veins or his stubborness merged with pride to ignore the pain that he had been in. “You have been looking for a monster, my friend, and you've found it...” bitter thought crossed the underground doctor's mind.
Records said that Izaya had a treatment to regain mobility and sessions that would help with a psychosomatic inability to use his legs but after leaving the hospital he has stopped to attend them. That didn't surprise Shinra because even with his memories lost Izaya was the same self-destructive person. It also explained his use of the wheelchair to even move around the apartment. The stabbing wound hadn't done a lot of damage even if it left a scar. Nothing that a surgery couldn't fix. But even unattended it could cause serious internal bleeding. “You were ready to die there. Why...?”
Shinra had left after the examination and his sisters left too on the next day saying something harsh as that they confirmed that he is very alive and that now they need to wait for another golden opportunity to finally be free from their older brother. After that statement he wasn't surprised that it took them almost two years to find him. After they left with the leaflet of the place he used to order take-away food sticked on the fridge he felt cold. It was too quite in this place. Too cold. Even with the heaters on and the light glowing in this warm light. He wheeled himself to the window.
With his mind set on getting out and leaflet with address in hand he waited outside of his building for a taxi. While he was waiting for a driver he was looking around. The street though he had used to live here for years, was not the place he was familiar in his mind. It was not the street from that inner city in his head. His eyes landed on the crash barrier in front of the doorway to the building. One part was removed. The metal attached to the concrete was bended as if the car had hit it and because of the accident it was removed. Car accident....
“Think you could believe in the last 1%?”
He wheeled his way to the barrier. He could almost hear the tire squeal.
“You couldn't, could you?”
'One....percent...' Izaya said slowly moving his forefinger on the metal surface as if the caressing could lure the memory.
There was a honk from the street and his attention was moved elsewhere. With the help of a driver he sat down in the car.
'Take me to that place' Izaya said giving the driver a small piece of paper.
According to the driver it would take twenty minutes to get there but each minute was like finally understanding his own mind. He asked a driver to make round and show him a city. No. THE city. Ikebukuro. He could recognize those streets. Those shops and signs. Those parks and bridges. He KNEW them! They were making rounds for almost an hour with Izaya's face plastered to the window like a small child would do on a tour. He couldn't remember it but he knew it from his mind. Finally he asked to be taken to the establishment of his once favorite dish. Once again with the help of a driver and a wheelchair at the entrance of the car he found himself in front of the place. Russian Sushi, as the name of the restaurant was flashed with neons, would not be a place of his first choice but here he was trying his old life. Not far from him tall, darkskined man was waving with a bunch of similar leaflets as the one in Orihara's hand.
S-Si...Sim... the man made his way to him and asked in the foreigner language if it's really him. In a language that Izaya knew besides Japanese. He knew that language but he was not able to answer. He knew the answer but he couldn't reply with the words stuck in his throat. Dark face pulled down in a frown but with a gesture he pointed at the door. With his head down Izaya made his way inside. But before he closed the door the foreigner man spoke with huge smile.
'Good sushi! Take good sushi. Leave before it goes bad, I-za-ya!' he turned around to the passersby. 'Good sushi! Favorite sushi!'
'Wierd guy' Izaya murmured and made his way to the bar.
'Izaya!' said creepy looking white man. 'Long time no see. Same thing as always?'
'Y-yeah...' a little bit overwhelmed Izaya stammered to what the chief started at him for a second longer before he started to prepare a food.
“They know me. They actually know me! But I...” with that thought he turned too the one of the booths with chairs. One of the legs was mismatched. There were plenty of other tables but this one was almost calling him. Staring at the patched tableleg he made his way there. He moved one of the chairs and took the place. There was a crack on the other side of the table on its edge.
“You've got great instincts. Like a beast...”
'Beast...' murmured severing the small splinter with his nail. 'I'm getting mad.' the small piece of wood fell under the table. 'I...I need to get out of here.'
With his mind changed he moved to the door. He was harshly pushing the wheels forward. He passed the bar with the pale man who noticed his departure.
'Your ootoro!' the Russian called after him.
But the only thing that Izaya could hear was a white noise. He needed to get out of here. He passed the doorway with the same bump under the wheels at the frame as when he entered but more noticeable because of the speed of the thing. It swayed a little but he was finally outside. The door closed with a loud slam which disturbed Simon outside. "Simon. His name is Simon!" But the black Russians attention moved from Izaya to the left somewhere far on the sidewalk. There on the sidewalk was a pale golden bear from his dreams making its way to Izaya. The raven started to wheel back past the tall Russian. The bear roared with its muzzle wide open and sharp teeth on the display.
'S-Simon...' said Izaya turning the Russian Sushi's worker attention to him. 'помощь' the foreigner word slipped past his lips finally.
Simon studied his face for a second and than with a nod he made his way to face the animal. Orihara moved to the side of the street and waved for the taxi. The first one pulled over and the door for the passenger opened and Izaya without thinking just pushed himself this one step almost falling inside. He turned to the driver to see him trying to get away of the car to pack the wheelchair. Izaya pulled himself using backseats.
'Leave the bloody thing!' he yelled. 'Just go! Go!'
Driver startled closed his door and pulled to the traffic. Izaya turned to look through the back window to see Simon holding the bear. But narrowing his rustybrown eyes to see better through the blurry image he started to distinguish that in Simon's hold it was not a bear but a man. Pale gold hair tossed on everyside throught to the struggle, big pawns with black claws were hands that tried to get a grip at the pool of the streetsighn and the muzzle turned to mouth shouting at the top of his lungs. The beast was calling his name loud enough for Izaya to hear. The tremor went though his whole body and after that the jolt of pain made its way from his legs through the spine right to his head. He fell on the cheap couch of the backseat.
'IIIIZAAAAYAAAA!!!' sound echoed in his body like a bass from a huge speaker.
Izaya fumbled through pockets to find his phone. There was one number in his head. He could remember it not only from the paper left yesterday but from the muscle memory of his fingers. He knew the number. With shaking hands he pushed the digits and murmuring prayers waited for the signal. After the second one the call was answered.
'Shinra! Shinra...' Izaya couldn't form the words he covered his eyes with a palm of his free hand to block the image of a monster.
'Izaya! What happened?!' the panic in the underground doctor was clearly heard.
'Shi...Shiz...' Izaya just couldn't.
'Izaya-kun. What happened?' Shinra repeated trying to stay calm at least in his voice.
'Shi...I... ' the raven took a few deep breaths. 'Left my wheelchair...'
'Okay. Okay. No worries I will...'
'Tell Courier-san to fetch it' said Izaya with raged breath still covering his eyes.
Courier... Izaya-kun?' Shinra took a deep breath himself. 'How do you know?'
'I don't know!' Izaya yelled finally uncovering his eyesight and griped at the frontseat and lifting himself a little bit. ' I just know! Nothing makes sense Shinra.' after that little outburst he felt tired and numb. 'Monster, Shinra... Monster was there.... after me...'
'Izaya...'
'The monster...'
'I'll me in your place as soon as I can' Shinra stated ending the call.
Izaya placed his forehead on the back of his hand on the frontseat.
'Where now, sir?' the driver finally asked.
'Away...' whispered the raven. 'Far away from here.'
*
'Ne... Kuru-nee... Do you think that Shizuo-san picked our take-away from Russia Sushi?' asked Mairu almost laying with her back to back to her sister.
'Probably...' said Kururi laying on her stomach patiently taking the added weight.
'That's what I love about you, Kuru-nee!' the other twin shouted and turned to start to hug her sister. 'You are such a naughty girl!'
*
Not long after he arrived to his apartment with extra help and extra cash for the taxi driver, Shinra has showed up. He gave Izaya some of his wired medicines for Izaya to calm down. After that he left leaving Izaya in his too big bed.
Apparently even the pills couldn't take his dreams away. He was stuck in his bed, paralyzed. The beast, big bear was making its way to him. It climbed the bed and moved its muzzle close to Izaya's face. Izaya shut his eyes waiting for the end. It sniffed him at the side of his face and nuzzled his cheek.
'Izaya...'
The hoarse voice said his name to what Izaya opened his eyes and stared at the brown-golden eyes of a man. The same man he thought he has left in front of Russian Sushi. Yet he was here. In his bedroom while Izaya has been trapped between his arms that were on each side of raven's head. The pale gold hair falling on those wired colored eyes. Eyes that were looking at Izaya with a grief. One more time the man just bend and took a full breath of his scent in the crook of the ravens neck. Izaya shivered but it was only this what he could do. His muscles still not responding to his orders.
'Izaya...' he could here once again but as a whisper near his ear.'... you're alive...'
'Who...' Orihara liked his lips trying to get rid of the dry feeling in his mouth and make his lips to move. 'What are you? A beast?'
Shizuo moved once again searching those rusty eyes. A breath of resignation left his lips.
'Yeah, I'm a beast...' the blond finally answered. 'Your beast.'