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Sam ushered out the frightened civilians they'd just saved from being a god or goddess' afternoon snack with none of the usual triumph he felt from saving lives. In fact all he felt at the moment was numbness, like a hole in his chest where his emotions should be.
He didn't have time right now to let himself feel anything about Gabriel's death at Kali's hand but Sam knew if they survived long enough for him to have time to think about it...it was going to hurt.
"Sam!" Sam flinched at the sound of his name being hissed urgently from somewhere and then searched frantically for the source when he realised its familiarity. It wasn't until he'd spotted the shadow of a figure in the back of the Impala that Gabriel spoke again. "Don't look at me, act natural." Sam looked away but kept walking towards the car.
A further hiss of "Get in," had him sliding into the passenger seat and then Gabriel was there, right in front of him; large as life and twice as kicking, slouched down in the backseat so as to remain unseen but managing to look as at home in the Impala as if he'd been there a hundred times before.
"I just watched you die." Sam decided that in the circumstances stating the obvious was allowable. "How..."
"You think I'd give Kali my real sword?" Gabriel asked, as snarky and infuriatingly smug as always and in that moment there was nothing Sam would rather hear more. "That thing can kill me."
That was just so Gabriel; that exact mix of bravado and humour and fear that Sam had thought he'd never get to hear again. The relief was so strong that Sam couldn't help what he did next.
Sam grabbed hold of Gabriel's jacket and hauled him forward far enough that he could lean over and kiss him hard and fast and desperate and thoughtI'dlostyou-don'tleaveme-needyou-ohfuckwhatamIdoing. It only took Sam seconds to come back to himself enough to realise what he was doing and think about pulling away but by that time both of Gabriel's hands were in his hair and Sam was being kissed back.
Gabriel kissed like he was putting his whole self into it, like maybe he could crawl inside Sam and never come out, like maybe Sam could save him. The force of the emotions pouring into the kiss made Sam feel like he was drowning, tugged under by need and fear and loneliness and the guttering spark of hope.
For once in his life Sam didn't fight the loss of control, just took everything Gabriel was giving him and kissed back just as forcefully. Like Gabriel was the only person in the world who might understand, like maybe it was Gabriel who could save Sam.
Sam pulled away first his breath short and coming out in panting gasps as he rested his forehead against Gabriel's. Looking into golden-brown eyes he noted that Gabriel seemed just as shaken up as Sam felt and weirdly that seemed to make the whole thing more real; yes, that had actually just happened, no, it wasn't just some very confusing dream.
"Well, that was unexpected." Gabriel joked, but his voice was slightly shaky and his hands were still in Sam's hair, fingers now lightly carding through it and he wasn't entirely sure Gabriel realised he was doing that.
Sam laughed, harsh and shocky and sat back away from Gabriel but as his movement caused Gabriel's hands to fall from his hair Sam took a hold of them and squeezed tight. "Yeah, you could say that. Talk about it later though." Sam said, falling back into hunter mode, "For now, what are we going to do?" He jerked his head back at the motel.
"You go snag our blood." Gabriel stated, calmly, as if stealing from the goddess of destruction was something he did everyday. Sam's reaction must have shown on his face because Gabriel continued. "I heard Dean in there, Kali likes him. He can be the distraction while you lift the plasma. Call for me when you've got it and we can blow this joint."
"What about the gods? I thought you wanted to help them?"
Gabriel gave him an incredulous look that somehow Sam just didn't quite believe. "They just stabbed me in the friggin' heart." Sam raised his eyebrows, letting his expression convey his disbelief until Gabriel caved. "I can't win, Sam. They didn't trust me even before Kali wrecked my cover. If I went in there now and told them they wouldn't stand a chance even with a blade that wasn't made out of a tin can, do really think they'd go for it?"
Sam made a face, "When you put it like that..."
"Exactly. Now go, if you're out here to long they-" Gabriel froze mid-sentence, his eyes going unfocused as if listening to something Sam couldn't hear, when he unfroze again he started swearing.
"What? What's wrong?" Sam asked, freaked out.
"One of them squealed." Gabriel's eyes were on the motel. "Luci's on his way. You need to get our blood quick or we're going to be slap bang in the middle of a massacre."
"He's going to kill them all? What about Kali? Don't you..." Sam trailed off, a hot rush of jealousy closing his throat before he could ask whether Gabriel was going to try and save his former lover.
"There's nothing I can do for her now. She doesn't trust me and it's going to get her killed."
Sam turned away from the pain Gabriel was trying to hide and opened the door to go do the impossible. Gabriel called out to him before he could do so much as set one foot out. "Sam," he looked back at Gabriel's conflicted face. "Just, be careful okay."
"I'm always careful." Sam joked, channelling Dean for a moment.
He was halfway out the door before his name was called again. "Wait, Sam." And when he turned back this time his jacket was grabbed so Gabriel could pull him in for another brutal kiss, fast and pleading be safe.
Pulling away from that was hard but when Sam did he was confronted by Gabriel holding up a blade that looked identical to the one Kali had just 'killed' him with. "Take this." The hilt was held out in Sam's direction.
"But-" Sam protested even as his hand closed over the cold, weirdly staticy metal.
"Just in case." Gabriel said, faking like he hadn't just put his life in Sam's hands, hadn't just practically taken out an infomercial saying he trusted Sam, without even saying a word. "Now go." Gabriel shoved him half out the open car door, "Seriously, hurry up."
Sam did as he was told, too shocked to even complain that Gabriel had been the one slowing him down in the first place. Once he'd shut the Impala's door Sam paused for only a moment before he tucked the blade into his jeans, hidden but accessible and tucked his reactions into a similar space in his mind.
Confusing archangels could be thought about later, right now he had a goddess to steal from.