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Karamatsu was falling.
It was a strange feeling, the wind rushing past his ears as his body plummeted downwards. It felt like freedom. He had already made his choice, he couldn't go back on it now. Not that he wanted to. He just simply had to wait for the inevitable end to come. He curled up slightly into himself. It wouldn't be long now, the ground would come up to meet him, and then…
Karamatsu closed his eyes and braced himself for impact.
But it never came. He sat up on the futon, his breathing erratic and a cold sweat soaked his pajamas. The room seemed unnaturally bright, and for a few moments Karamatsu just sat there blinking his eyes, trying to adjust to the light. He had just been dreaming. Of course. Just a normal dream. Karamatsu sat still trying to collect himself. It would be best if he just forgot all about that dream.
Karamatsu pulled the covers off of himself. No one else was in the room. Well by the light shining in from the window, it must be midday already. How come no one had woken him up? Well maybe no one had noticed him sleeping. It was rare for Karamatsu to sleep in so late. Normally the soft melody of the birds singing would wake him before anyone else. Karamatsu couldn't hear much of anything right now. It was as if the world had gone silent. Hmm.
Wait. Hadn't he promised Todomatsu that he would meet him at Sutabaa today? He couldn't remember the reason, but he had promised that. He didn't want to disappoint his youngest brother. Todomatsu rarely asked him out anywhere! Karamatsu took off his pajamas and threw on a tank top with his glorious face on it and some sparkling, shimmering jeans. No, that wasn't right. He shouldn't wear this. He could imagine Todomatsu groaning at him for his fashion choices. He put on a plain white t-shirt and a pair of regular blue jeans. He didn't need to look flashy. It was like they say, the man makes the fashion! Or something like that. Karamatsu put his leather jacket on over his shirt as well. He looked cool no matter what he wore.
Karamatsu only stopped to quickly wash his face and comb his hair before running out of the house. It was a nice, bright sunny day out. It still felt off to Karamatsu somehow. Like everything around him was too still. He didn't know how to describe it. Despite people walking past him as he walked down the street, or the distant sound of vehicles driving by, it felt like the world had come to a complete stop. Maybe he had just slept too much. He just needed to wake up. He would get something delectable and full of caffeine to drink at the cafe, that would wake him up.
Karamatsu entered Sutabaa. He looked around at the tables. There were quite a few people here, but none of them were his brother. Karamatsu went up to the counter and ordered a drink. Guess he was a bit early, rather than late. At least he hadn't upset Todomatsu. Karamatsu took a seat near the window. He liked this seat. He could people watch. There were so many people in the city. All of them going about their own lives, with their own thoughts in their heads. So many people. At times like this the world felt unfathomable, so large and Karamatsu was so tiny. He took a sip of his coffee. He had ordered this same beverage many times before, but instead of the sweetness he expected, it tasted like nothing. Karamatsu put the cup back down on the table and scratched the back of his neck. Why did everything feel so off today?
The clock on the wall seemed to tick audibly, despite there being no way for Karamatsu to hear it over everyone speaking. He kept looking up at it. Tick. Tick. Tick. Time was passing, but Todomatsu wasn't here. It was way past the time they were supposed to meet up. Karamatsu began to feel anxious. Had something happened to Todomatsu? Was he just running late?
Or had he just ditched Karamatsu? His drink was cold now. Karamatsu got up and left. He had something else to do today. He couldn't wait all day on a brother who wouldn't show up. He could apologize later if he had to.
Karamatsu stuffed his hands into his pockets as he walked down the street. It was hard to not let things like this get to him. Todomatsu had invited him out, and it was something important. So why hadn't he shown up? Did he really think so little of Karamatsu? He couldn't let his thoughts linger on that for too long. Besides, now he was going to help his other brother, Choromatsu. There was still a bit of time, so Karamatsu walked slowly. He felt like he was getting a headache. Maybe he had caught a cold? Well that would explain why everything felt off.
Karamatsu walked by a small park. Jyushimatsu liked to practice baseball here. Well practice swinging his bat around at least. Jyushimatsu always had so much energy. Karamatsu turned into the park, hoping that just seeing his sunshine brother would energize him.
Some children ran around the park, shouting and yelling. Karamatsu looked around, trying to see if Jyushimatsu was anywhere. Normally he would be able to hear him shouting as he counted up his swings, but he heard nothing of the sort. Perhaps he hadn't come to the park today?
Karamatsu spotted something. Against a nearby bench was a baseball bat. He could tell it was Jyushimatsu's since it had his name signed across it. Where was his brother then? Karamatsu sat down on the bench and looked at the bat. Jyushimatsu didn't normally forget his belongings, but maybe he had today. Karamatsu should bring it back home, but he really didn't have that much time until he had to see Choromatsu. He left the bat against the bench and got up to leave. Hopefully Jyushimatsu would come back for it. His heart felt oddly heavy. Would it really be okay to just leave it here?
Karamatsu started to walk away. He didn't look back. He felt like his heart would break if he did. Why was that? It was just a baseball bat. Jyushimatsu had about a half dozen of them anyway. It would be okay.
Karamatsu headed into the city. The buildings were so much taller and closer together here. Many people milled about, but they looked like nothing more than shadows to Karamatsu. He looked down a small alley nestled between two buildings. A cat leapt up on a trash can and meowed at him. Karamatsu crept closer to the alley. There were a bunch of cats lazing about. Was this one of the places Ichimatsu liked to go feed cats at? Karamatsu looked around for any signs of his purple brother. He didn't seem to be around at the moment. There were some cans of cat food near the back of the alley. He must have been here recently. Karamatsu pet the cat that had jumped up on the trash can. It purred loudly in response. Karamatsu wished he could spend a bit more time here, maybe wait to see if Ichimatsu would return, but he just didn't have the time. As Karamatsu walked away, the cat meowed after him. He didn't look back.
Choromatsu was supposed to be at a Nyaa-chan meet and greet. He had asked Karamatsu to come along with him. Apparently last time he had come to one of these, Osomatsu butted in and made Choromatsu look foolish. So this time Karamatsu was to be Choromatsu's bodyguard against any interlopers. What an important job his younger brother had tasked him with! Karamatsu could feel his heart swelling with pride. He would make sure Choromatsu met with Nyaa-chan and nothing bad happened. With those thoughts in mind, he quickened his steps. He didn't want to be late!
Karamatsu arrived at the designated place. There was a long line of people already waiting to see Nyaa-chan. They all looked excited, chatting loudly among themselves. Karamatsu looked up and down the line to see if he could see anyone clad all in green. Nothing. There were a lot of people, but no one wearing a green button down shirt or a green hoodie. Karamatsu wasn't sure what he had worn since he hadn't seen him leave that morning.
Well it didn't matter. Karamatsu could still do his job. He leaned against a wall with his arms folded against his chest, watching out for Osomatsu. He also kept on eye on the people who were leaving the event, that way he could see Choromatsu when he exited. Karamatsu stood there for what felt like forever, watching happy fans walk past, but there was no sign of the third oldest.
What was going on today? The meet and greet closed up. Everyone had gone home. Karamatsu stood there still. Alone. Why was he always alone? He felt sick. He looked back to where the line had been. He saw something strange on the ground. It was a green glowstick. This was definitely one of Choromatsu's. So did that mean he was here? How had Karamatsu missed him? That seemed impossible. Karamatsu picked up the glowstick. It seemed to shimmer faintly even in the daylight. He would have to return this to Choromatsu later. Karamatsu put it in his pocket.
With nothing else to do today, Karamatsu started to walk back home. It felt like a long way back. It was summer time, but a cold dreary feeling had come over him. Maybe he had a fever or something? His head was starting to ache more and more. It didn't bother him too much. He could take some medicine when he got home, and just sleep off whatever illness he had been inflicted with. Things would be fine.
Karamatsu stood before his house. An anxious feeling washed over him. He wasn't sure why, but he didn't want to go inside. It was like something bad would happen the moment he stepped inside. That was silly. He couldn't just stand out here forever.
Relief came over Karamatsu once he stepped in and saw all of his brothers’ shoes inside. So they were all home now. Karamatsu wondered how he had missed everyone all day long. That didn't matter now. He took off his own shoes and headed towards the living room.
It was quiet. Karamatsu held his hand on the door to the living room, about to slide it open. That uneasy feeling felt like a weight on his chest. If everyone was home, the house shouldn't be this quiet. The door slowly slid open. Karamatsu peered inside.
Everyone was there. Karamatsu felt his heart stop in his chest.
Todomatsu. Jyushimatsu. Ichimatsu. Choromatsu. Osomatsu.
They all were lying on the floor completely motionless. They weren't even breathing. They were all…
No!
Karamatsu started to run forward, but something in his way stopped his progress. It was him. He was lying on the floor just as still as everyone else. When he tore his eyes away from the sight of his own dead body, he saw that everyone else was gone. He was alone.
Karamatsu fell to his knees as a torrent of pain invaded his head. He grasped his head in his hands, screaming with agony as memories, real, true memories came flooding back to his mind of the events that transpired that day.
Todomatsu sat in front of Karamatsu at Sutabaa. He looked forlorn for some reason. He had asked Karamatsu to meet him here today, and he had even arrived before his older brother. Karamatsu expected Todomatsu to berate him for his tardiness, but instead he let out a long breath of air before speaking, “Karamatsu nii-san. I'm sorry. I found something of yours.”
Karamatsu looked at him with utter confusion, “Wha-”
“I was just looking for a piece of paper, and I found one of your journals. I didn't mean to look, but I saw what you had written.”
“Oh.” Karamatsu scratched the back of his neck. So Todomatsu had seen that. He should've hid his notebook better. Karamatsu tried to think up some kind of excuse, but Todomatsu was already talking again.
“You didn't mean what you wrote, did you?” Todomatsu asked. His younger brother couldn't seem to look him in the eyes, instead he looked out the window at all the people passing by.
Karamatsu took a sip of his coffee. It had gone cold. This situation was far too serious. Karamatsu didn't like it. He put on his best smile. “Of course not brother. There is no need for any concern on your part.”
Todomatsu smiled a bit. “Thank goodness.”
They chatted for a bit, but Karamatsu had already agreed to meet up with Choromatsu, so he parted ways soon afterwards.
“Goodbye Todomatsu.”
Even with the shouts of the children playing in the park, Karamatsu could still hear Jyushimatsu's loud voice calling out numbers. He smiled slightly. He had wanted to see Jyushimatsu, and he still had some time before he had to see Choromatsu. He made a quick detour into the park.
His younger brother saw him approaching and put down his bat. “Nii-san!” Jyushimatsu waved, the end of his long sleeve flapping along with the motion.
“My little Jyushimatsu!” Karamatsu walked up to him.
Jyushimatsu sat down on a nearby bench and placed his bat against it. He patted next to him, and Karamatsu sat down beside him. “What are you up to, nii-san?”
“Not much, just taking a leisurely stroll before I meet up with Choromatsu later on.” Karamatsu smiled at the thought of his important job.
“I'm glad I got to see you today! Ichimatsu nii-san said he wanted to go feed cats, so he couldn't help me practice today. Did you want to help me instead?”
Karamatsu gulped at the thought of being tied to a baseball bat. “Not today, I really shouldn't tarry.”
If Jyushimatsu was disappointed, he didn't show it. “Maybe tomorrow then?”
Karamatsu shrugged slightly. He didn't look back at Jyushimatsu as he stood up and walked away. He felt like if he looked back, his heart would break.
“Goodbye Jyushimatsu.”
Karamatsu kept an eye out for Ichimatsu as he headed down the street. Jyushimatsu had said he was feeding cats after all. As he was walking past an alley, a cat jumped up on a trash can and meowed at him. Karamatsu headed towards it, and saw Ichimatsu’s back, crouched down, feeding some cats. He felt a bit bad interrupting his younger brother, but he talked softly as he pet the cat in front of him. “Good afternoon brother.”
Ichimatsu turned towards him. He looked angry at first, but then he actually broke into a bit of a smile. “Oh, Karamatsu. That cat seems to like you.”
“Indeed.” The cat purred, and butted it's head against Karamatsu’s hand, as if begging to be pet more.
“That cat doesn't like anyone. Tch. Guess it likes you though.” If Karamatsu didn't know better, he would think that Ichimatsu was jealous.
Karamatsu smiled down at the cat. At least someone liked him. He really didn't have much time to waste now though. He took his hand off the cat. The cat meowed loudly in protest. “I better get going.”
“Whatever.” Ichimatsu went back to feeding his cats.
“Goodbye Ichimatsu.”
Choromatsu was brimming with an anxious energy as Karamatsu approached him. He was hopping from one foot to another, looking off into the distance, clearly lost in thought. He was dressed in his nicest green plaid shirt, along with a Nyaa-chan headband that had green glowsticks stuck into it. Karamatsu called out for him, and he jumped up into the air.
“Argh! Oh Karamatsu. I didn't see you.” Choromatsu said. He smiled at Karamatsu, calming down a bit now.
“I don't know how you could miss someone as radiant as me.” Karamatsu winked.
Choromatsu rolled his eyes. “Let's get in line, just make sure Osomatsu isn't around, okay?”
The line moved slowly, but Choromatsu didn’t say much, probably lost in thoughts again. Karamatsu kept having to push him forward when the line moved.
“Next!” A man called out. They were at the front of the line, but Choromatsu didn’t move.
“Your turn brother.” Karamatsu said.
Choromatsu blinked, but then rushed forward. Karamatsu stood off to the side as Choromatsu went up to meet with Nyaa-chan. He was sweating profusely, and wiped his hands off on his jeans before shaking Nyaa-chan’s hand. “Uh, hi.”
“It's so nice to meet one of my fans nya,” Nyaa-chan smiled at Choromatsu.
Choromatsu just nodded his head, but didn't move or speak otherwise. “Time's up,” the man said now. Choromatsu backed away, bowing slightly.
Karamatsu walked next to Choromatsu as they exited. They went and stood against the building. Choromatsu kept looking at his hands. “I got to shake her hand!” Choromatsu finally spoke.
“I'm so happy for you.” Karamatsu smiled.
“Oh, but I didn't say any of the things I planned on saying. Did I make a fool of myself?” Choromatsu's eyes looked watery as his mouth pulled down into a frown.
“Not at all brother. You were very polite."
“Oh good. Here.” Choromatsu took one of his glowsticks out of his headband. “Take this as thanks.”
“Are you sure?” Karamatsu looked at the glowstick in his hands. It seemed to shimmer slightly even in the daylight.
“Yeah, next time let's go to a concert together.”
“Uh, sure thing brother.”
“I'm heading back,” Choromatsu said, pushing himself off the wall. “Do you want to walk back together?”
“Actually, I have something else to do today.” Karamatsu said, still leaning on the wall.
“Okay, see you back home.” Choromatsu waved as he started to walk away.
“Goodbye Choromatsu.”
Karamatsu stood on the edge of a building. His hands were tightly holding the railing behind him as he stood looking out over Tokyo. He could still hear the distant sounds of the city down below. It felt strange. Everything was so ordinary. So this was it. He was going to jump. Why was he hesitating then? Maybe it was because Karamatsu hadn't been able to say goodbye to everyone. There was one person he hadn't seen all day. Well, did it really matter? Nothing at all would matter soon.
“Karamatsu!” A desperate voice called out from behind him.
Karamatsu turned around. He wished he hadn't. Osomatsu was standing there, panting like he was out of breath. “Karamatsu what are you doing?”
Karamatsu tightened his grip on the railing. How had Osomatsu found him? Was this some kind of twin psychic power? He hadn't told anyone where he was going. Well at least he could say what he wanted to now.
Karamatsu pushed his hands against the railing, sending himself falling backwards. He felt a faint smile cross his lips.
“Goodbye Osomatsu.”
The wind rushed past Karamatsu’s ears. He opened his eyes. Above him he could see Osomatsu, reaching over the side of the building. He looked like he was shouting something that Karamatsu couldn't make out. Osomatsu grew more and more distant. Soon Karamatsu would hit the ground below him.
But a pang of guilt and fear jolted him, as he watched Osomatsu above him.
He didn't want to die anymore. All of his memories of the day came rushing back to him and HE DIDN'T WANT TO DIE.
“Osomatsu!” Karamatsu reached out a hand for a help, but Osomatus was so far away now, and there was no way anyone could reach him now.
Karamatsu was falling.