Chapter Text
Lily Evans was staring at the ceiling above her bed – hers and James' bed – feeling horribly guilty. It was the morning of her wedding – October 31st, 1979 – and she'd done something incredibly stupid and foolish. She glanced over at the relaxed, sleeping face of her oldest friend. Then she slipped from the bed with a sigh, tugged on a dressing gown, and quietly went downstairs to make some tea. Tea had always helped her to think more clearly.
James had spent the night with Sirius, since he wasn't supposed to see her for twenty-four hours before the wedding. Lily had been jittery and nervous, but excited, the night before. Then Severus had shown up. She had almost turned him away, but they had been friends since they were seven years old; nearly two-thirds of her life. And now...now she had done something she felt awful about and she would need to deal with the consequences.
"Good morning." Purred a silky voice from behind her and Lily's breath trembled as she gripped the edge of the counter with white-knuckled fingers. "Did you sleep well?"
Lily turned, locking green eyes to black, and said solemnly. "Well enough, considering." She flicked her eyes to the clock for a moment, then brought them back to Severus's face and said softly. "You need to leave now."
Severus took a stunned step back. Lily's face was blank; her eyes were full of regret and dread and other horrible things. Her voice had been low and serious. "What do you mean?" He asked in a whisper, feeling his heart ache in his chest. "After everything...after last night...Lily, you can't still mean to marry him!"
"I can, and I will." Lily said, her voice firm as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I love James, Severus. Nothing has changed about that. Just as I warned you it wouldn't."
She saw the pain in his eyes and her face softened a little, as did her voice. "Severus, please don't make this harder than it needs to be. You know you'll always be dear to me..."
"I'll tell him." Severus rasped, eyes wild and angry as fury crept into his voice. "I swear, I'll go over to Black's place and tell him everything. I'll show him my memories of last night. I'll make sure he believes."
Lily swallowed hard, but she had once known Severus as well as she knew herself. She had anticipated this reaction. "I suppose you can, if you wish to seem like a child throwing a tantrum, Severus. I certainly can't stop you." She made sure to keep her voice level as she added. "But I intend to tell him myself, before the wedding today. It won't change anything, though. James loves me just as I love him and though he won't be happy, for obvious reasons, he will still love me and he will still marry me."
She met Severus's black eyes levelly and added. "What James feels for me is not the needy, clingy, selfish love of a child. Nor is it the desperate, obsessive love of an adolescent. We share the deep and abiding love of adults." She watched as his face went blank and knew he was struggling to gain control of himself, so she added gently. "I will become Lily Potter today, Severus. I'm sorry."
Severus stared at her blankly for a moment then gave a curt nod, turned on his heel, and walked out. She winced at the slam of the front door, then lowered herself carefully down to the kitchen floor when she feared her trembling legs would no longer hold her. The hardest part, she knew, was yet to come.
~*~*~*~
Lily spun, her whole body coiled tight, when the front door flew open. James stood in the doorway, his eyes wild. "What's wrong?" He demanded, his voice frantic. "Why did you need to see me, Lils? What is it?"
And Lily wished, more than anything, to throw herself into his arms and cry on his chest and beg his forgiveness. And she knew she couldn't. Instead, she pulled the collar of her dressing gown higher around her throat and gestured to the sofa with one hand. “Please sit down, James.” Her voice was the barest whisper of sound. “I need to tell you something.”
Once James was seated, she sat gingerly on their coffee table so she was directly in front of him. “I love you, James.” She began, then held up her hand for silence when it looked as though James would speak. “I need you to know that before I explain anything else. I love you.”
When he nodded, his hazel eyes showing his confusion, she continued. “Severus came to see me last night and…” She cast her eyes to the floor, unable to look at James while she spoke though she felt cowardly for it. “He asked me things. Things that I didn’t have a ready answer for.”
“Like what?” James asked and she could hear confusion in his voice, but no anger. She guessed he didn’t understand where this was going yet.
“He asked me how I could be certain I loved you more than I loved him when I had only known your touch and not his.” She risked a quick glance up and saw the icy look sliding over James’s face. She hurried to continue her tale. “He asked how I could know for sure, when I had refused to give him the chance I’d given you. He…” She closed her eyes and whispered. “He asked if I would regret never knowing for sure…”
When she opened her eyes, she could see the cold fury on her fiancé’s face. It crept into his voice as he met her eyes and asked. “What did you tell him, Lily?”
Lily flinched back from his anger, though she knew she’d earned it. Then she gathered her courage, met his eyes, and said. “I spent the night with him.” Her voice was firm and unapologetic, though her eyes showed her sorrow. “I regret that I did something so foolish, but at the same time I don’t because it proved to me the truth I’ve always known. That my heart is yours in a way it was never his. And while he will always hold a place in my heart, for having been my very first friend, it doesn’t compare to the fact that the rest of my heart is yours.”
James took a shaky breath and ran a hand through his perpetually messy hair. “You…” He seemed to choke on his words for a moment, then asked in a hoarse voice. “You and Snape had…” And still, it seemed he couldn’t bring himself to speak the word.
“Yes.” Lily whispered, looking anguished. “I couldn’t…I needed to tell you. Before the wedding. I needed to know that you knew what I had done or I couldn’t marry you. James…” She reached out but stopped short of touching him, as though afraid he might lash out at her if she dared. “I love you and I still want to marry you today. For me, this changes nothing. But I had to know if it would change things for you. If you could still want me...still love me, after what I’ve done.”
And James’s face cleared and his eyes softened. “Oh, Lily…” He sighed, reaching out and gathering her into his arms so she was snuggled on his lap, against his chest. “Of course I still love you. Nothing could make me stop loving you.” He pressed a kiss to her red curls and chuckled. “You’re silly to worry I wouldn’t want to marry you. I do. I intend to.” He drew her back enough to meet those vibrant green eyes and said. “I forgive you, Lily.”
“And you won’t blame Severus?” Lily asked softly, her eyes pleading. “Please…don’t blame him. It was my choice. I’ve hurt him enough…”
James gritted his teeth for a moment, but then sighed and nodded. “Alright. I won’t seek vengeance on Snape.” He caught Lily’s skeptical look and added. “I promise, Lils. I won’t tell anyone, either, so no one will be seeking vengeance on him. All right?”
When Lily nodded, he kissed her head once more and said. “I left Padfoot sleeping, but Moony will be over soon so I’ve got to get back before they realize I’ve gone.” He set her onto the sofa and stood, giving her a charming grin. “I’ll be waiting for you.”
And Lily smiled softly back, her whole face radiating joy and relief. “I’ll be there.” She promised. “I can’t wait.”
~*~*~*~
Lily stared down at the baby boy the Mediwitch had placed in her arms. He was beautiful; too beautiful for words. He had her almond-shaped eyes that were already a vibrant green and her pert little button nose and her cherry-red lips. But the rest…Lily’s heart was breaking. His hair was so dark a black that it glistened with a blue and green and purple sheen; like oil or a raven’s wing. His skin was as fair as ivory, with a hint of rosy color in his cheeks. His cheekbones were high and sharp; his chin was somehow sharp but delicate. He stared up at her, with eyes too alert for a newborn, and she studied the face that was made up of herself and Severus Snape.
Then she drew her wand and pointed it at the baby. She had to be quick; it would take only a single look for James to determine that the baby wasn’t his. And while she knew James would love the child anyway she couldn’t bear to see the pain it would bring to know that her firstborn child had been sired by another man. So Lily cast the Changeling Charm. She’d been afraid the child could be Severus’, so she had looked up the charm just in case. And now she watched as a shimmering blue light bathed the baby and slowly he changed. His hair changed from glossy black to a much duller color; like James’ hair. His skin darkened to a subtle peach tone several shades darker than it had been and his cheekbones and chin rounded, giving the child a softer look.
Every trace of Severus was replaced with James and Lily sighed in relief when it was done. She could breathe easier now. Just as she was setting her wand back on the nightstand the door slowly opened and James peeked in. “All right, love?” He asked, grinning.
“Perfect.” She said, smiling back. She looked down at the baby and then back up at her husband and added. “Would you like to see your son, James?”
“Mine?” He whispered and Lily knew instantly that James, too, had feared that the baby would not be his blood. He approached the bed cautiously, his eyes locked on Lily’s face as though afraid to look at the baby and see proof that it wasn’t his son.
Lily smiled softly, knowing she had done the right thing. “Yes, James. Your son.” She watched as James looked at the baby and added. “He looks remarkably like you. He’s adorable.”
And James scooped the baby boy out of her arms, holding him as though he were the most precious thing in all the world. “Hello, little Harry.” James cooed, rocking the child slightly. “Aren’t you just the most beautiful baby ever?”
Lily’s heart twisted in her chest; the baby had been the most beautiful child she’d ever seen. He was still precious and adorable…but she knew his true face was lovelier still. “Harry?” She asked softly.
“I like the name Harry.” James said, grinning at her and still rocking the baby. “Don’t you? It’s nice and simple. Harry Potter.”
Lily knew Severus would be furious at such a common name being given to his child. She met James’ laughing hazel eyes and – for a single instant – wavered in her resolve to keep her son’s parentage a secret from everyone. Then she watched the tender, loving way James held her son and rocked him and spoke to him…and she knew that this child would be more loved than any other. No, she would hold her tongue and keep this secret. It was best for everyone.
“Harry.” She whispered. “Harry James Potter.” She smiled softly when James beamed at her. “Yes, it’s a lovely name. I couldn’t agree more.”
Just then a Mediwitch came in, holding a scroll and a slender silver rod. She smiled at them. “I was wondering if you’re ready to name the child and list parentage.” She chimed, holding up the scroll.
“We’ve just picked his name, actually.” James told the woman with a charming smile that made the middle-aged woman blush. “He’s Harry James Potter.”
The woman cast a spell at the scroll and it unrolled. “Harry James Potter.” She spoke and the name scrawled itself across the parchment.
The Mediwitch then walked over to baby Harry with the silver rod and touched it to his arm. A single drop of blood clung to the rod when she moved it away from Harry’s skin, but there was no cut and Harry hadn’t cried. She touched the drop of blood to the parchment beside Harry’s name and it glowed gold for a few moments. Then she turned to Lily and asked. “Parents’ names?”
“Lily Evans Potter.” Lily said, holding out her hand for the Mediwitch to take a drop of blood with her silver rod. When it hit the parchment, it rippled over it in a wave of blue and then her name appeared on the line labeled, ‘Mother’.
“James Charlus Potter.” James said, still rocking Harry gently. The Mediwitch carefully got blood from his arm and transferred it to the parchment. Magic rippled red across the parchment and Lily held her breath until her husband’s name scrawled across the parchment on the line marked ‘Father’ in confirmation of Harry’s parentage.
She was so relieved; the Changeling Charm had held up to the blood magic test, which meant she’d cast it correctly. The Mediwitch cast the spell to send the scroll to the Ministry to be filed and then left, while James handed baby Harry over to be fed. Lily smiled up at him while settling Harry against her breast and said. “Why don’t you go tell Remy and Siri that he’s healthy and well and what his name is? Then in about ten or fifteen minutes you can bring them in to see him.”
James left after pressing a light kiss to her forehead and Lily looked down at her son as he fed. She knew the Changeling Charm wouldn’t hold forever. Someday, on one of his birthdays between his fourteenth and his seventeenth, the Charm would fail. But that was all right. She would just make sure she woke Harry up on each of his birthdays so she could recast the Charm when it failed. Then it would be permanent and she would never have to worry about someone finding out the truth. No one would ever know that Harry was not James Potter’s son. Everything would be just fine. Perfect, even. She smiled down at Harry as he suckled and thought, ‘Yes, perfect. Just like my son.’