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Shouta would absolutely not admit that he missed Hizashi under any circumstances whatsoever. He would not. He was above feeling things like longing, especially when it came to other people. There was no point in longing after people anyways, because longing did not bring them back.
Well...maybe he could wish that Hizashi was here, and not all the way in Nagasaki attending some funeral for an uncle he didn’t even remember. Hizashi wasn’t even supposed to be there very long, but had got caught up in some villain attacks and hero work at his hotel, which meant his trip would be prolonged a couple of days to sort everything out.
Hizashi occasionally texted him updates about the villain situation or continued griping about his elderly grandmother who was still asking where Hizashi’s wife was (nobody in the family had told her yet that Hizashi had been married to Shouta for the past seven years), and also lamenting about the fact that the uncle whom he couldn’t even remember had left Hizashi a really, really old clock and a dining chair.
Even with Hizashi texting him constantly, still using strings of unnecessary emojis and all-capital English, Shouta felt strangely....lonely without him there. Even if he was texting Hizashi at the very moment, he’d still feel this weird thing in his stomach that felt suspiciously like...
No. He wasn’t going to admit it. Admitting means acknowledging it’s there and then having to deal with it, and Shouta was not good at dealing with emotions.
He woke up at four in the morning, alone and staring at the empty side of the bed, unable to fall asleep since Hizashi wasn’t there to wake up for a brief time and groggily, softly run his fingers through his hair and press light kisses to his forehead. He didn’t eat breakfast, because he didn’t have time to. Even if he didn’t normally have to make breakfast, he usually ended up having breakfast anyways, because Hizashi would stuff toast into his hand or make a stop at a McDonald’s on the way to work.
It’s been awhile since he took the train to work, usually arriving at school with Hizashi in his car. Shouta was not a fantastic driver, and did not trust himself to take Hizashi’s car to and from Yuuei and not crash it. So he took the train and tried to ignore all the other people crowded into the tiny space.
An hour into the day, and it just didn’t feel right. It felt like it was missing something crucial, and without it he was just drifting through and not really knowing what to do. Shouta scoffed a bit at the thought. Even in his own mind, he was being ridiculous. He didn’t depend on Hizashi or anything, so feeling as if something was missing was just plain illogical. He could get through a few days without him.
However, even when Nemuri was sitting on top of his desk at work, kicking her feet out and talking about her recent sexual adventures, it just didn’t feel the same. Didn’t feel right. Shouta looked over towards Hizashi’s desk one too many times, wondering how long until he’d come home, how long until he collapsed onto his side of the bed and grumbled something about public transport. How long until he’d manage to make Shouta give a snort of laughter, how long until they could fall asleep doing shit that couples do like spoon.
“Earth to Shouta,” Nemuri commanded, bring him back to attention by snapping her fingers in front of his nose. “Hey, you’re spacing out more than usual, and I haven’t even talked about the wicked lapdance I got. Something the matter?”
“No,” Shouta answered gruffly, shifting in his seat and beginning to gather all his things together, ignoring the fact he could feel a blush rising to his cheeks. Just thinking about doing sappy stuff with Hizashi was making him turn red, which was precisely why he did not want to think about feelings. “Almost time for class to start.”
“It’s Mic, isn’t it?” Nemuri continued prodding, unable to give up on anything, ever. “It’s been four days. You miss him, don’t you?”
“I can survive without Hizashi.” Shouta said flatly, getting to his feet and stalking away. He could practically feel Nemuri’s skeptical gaze on his back, and bit the inside of his cheek. He can get through a few days without Hizashi. He’s done it before, and he’ll do it again.
The school day passed sluggishly, and during lunch he found no reason to leave his classroom so he curled up in his sleeping bag beneath his desk and slept. On normal days Hizashi would drag him to the staff room and drop some lunch he’d made in front of him, or ask him what he wanted to eat and proceed to go out and buy it. Hizashi, however, was not here to give him bentos or buy him fast food, so Shouta went without lunch and woke up only when it was time for his class to resume.
By the time the school day was over, Shouta felt like collapsing onto his bed and sleeping until Hizashi came back. Instead, he forced himself to take the train home once again and tried not to feel uncomfortable by the amount of people around him.
At their apartment, Shouta graded his students’ papers on his couch, trying to pretend it was a normal night and Hizashi wasn’t there because he was at the radio station doing god knows what and would be home eventually. He managed to fool himself for a couple of hours, and had graded every single assignment by the time seven rolled around. He hadn’t checked his phone in hours, fearing if he did he’d disregard everything he was doing at the moment to text Hizashi and be filled with even more...
Filled with even more what? He wasn’t going to be filled with anything. That implied he was feeling things right now, which he certainly was not. Shouta was not going to be the type of person who checked their phone every thirty seconds just to see if their spouse was okay.
But, well, just to make sure there weren’t any emergencies...
Shouta turned on his phone, swiping to see if any new messages had come in. Three from Nemuri, asking about a staff meeting, and several from Hizashi that he tried to ignore, before giving in and reading them.
Hizashi: Maaaaan all this paperwork is kicking my ASS
Hizashi: YeAh I UNDERSTAND I WASN’T ON-DUTY!!!! I was just trying to help people out!!! :(
Hizashi: Was I supposed to stand by and watch?!?!?!?!?!
Hizashi: Oi answer my messages
Hizashi: Cats
Hizashi: Fuck I was sure that would work
Hizashi: SH OU TA
Hizashi: Fine if you’re not gonna ANSWER MY MESSAGES I’ll just spam you
Hizashi: I hope I’m home soon!!! I don’t like being here very much, I don’t know half the people here and I’m pretty sure my uncle’s wife is trying to hook up with me??????
Hizashi: That or she’s just a really, REALLY enthusiastic hugger
Hizashi: I miss you!!!!!
Hizashi: And I love you!!!!!
Hizashi: Did you get home safe from work?
Hizashi: Don’t forget to eat!!! :)
Shouta felt something warm inside him as he typed out a response, cracking the smallest of smiles. He had expected for the messages to make him feel even worse, but they’d made him feel...better, actually. Better enough to admit he’d been feeling bad in the first place, anyways.
The message he texted was just a simple confirmation that he got home safely, but he felt like he should’ve said a bit more. Maybe asked how Hizashi was doing, when he’d get home, that sort of stuff. But, well, Shouta had never been good with those kinds of things, and he didn’t want to sound as if he couldn’t get through a couple of days without Hizashi home. So he set his phone aside and stood up to make a simple meal of rice and fish, and accidentally made too much because he’d gotten used to cooking for two people.
Even if he didn’t cook very often, the few times he did cook were usually because Hizashi was tired, so he made dinner for the both of them. Cooking for himself was something he hadn’t done in a long while, but he ended up cursing himself anyways when he accidentally started frying two fish instead of one.
As he ate, he kept picking up his phone to see if Hizashi had replied, always fighting back disappointment every time he saw that he had not yet responded. Hizashi was probably just busy doing paperwork, he tried reasoning, but that didn’t make him feel any better about it.
Shouta only ate half his dinner before storing away the leftovers, too tired to even think about eating it all. He laid himself across the couch and curled up on his side, because that felt better than lying in his empty bed where he couldn’t wake up to see Hizashi.
That was probably the worst part about this. When he couldn’t sleep, or when he woke up in cold sweat with words tumbling from his lips that not even he could make sense of, it had always been comforting to know that someone was there, someone who would soon be wide-awake if the nightmare was especially bad and running a hand down his back, through his hair, humming words that he couldn’t understand but knew from his tone that they were words of comfort.
God, he was being irrational, illogical, stupid, whatever other word he can think of. It’d only been a couple of days, but he felt like shit.
He just wanted to wake up and see Hizashi until falling back asleep, and then get dragged out of bed by the other, forcefed breakfast, put up with Hizashi’s singing on the way to work...
Oh, fucking damn it,
Shouta gave a heavy exhale and flipped onto his back, contemplating a few things, before sliding his phone back out of his pocket and balancing it on his stomach to type out a message. He deleted it several times and re-typed, wondering if he should really send it, and if he did send it would he sound pathetic?
Well, Hizashi had said it too, so...
Before he could feel any sort of regret, Shouta sent the message and watched the the little circle swirl next to it before it changed into a checkmark, showing it had been sent.
Hizashi was not having a good time. He was stuck here for much longer than he thought he would be, and was getting antsy each moment he had to stay here, sorting through all the legal stuff that came with doing hero work off-duty and out of your normal patrol area. He’d been reprimanded heavily that there was a reason the police kept a close eye on heroes, so they’d know who was in the area and who could be counted on--and also so there wouldn’t be any ‘nasty surprises’.
Hizashi should honestly be offended that he was referred to as a nasty surprise, but considering he did shatter an apartment building’s windows, he supposed that was fair.
Fair or not though, he was feeling more upset as the hours went on, waiting for the green light that told him he could leave Nagasaki. He was feeling like a ball of energy ready to bounce everywhere more than anything, pacing his room back and forth and digging his nails into his palms. If he didn’t get home to Shouta as soon as possible, he’d go insane in this place. He felt like he was trapped inside a padded cell, even though he could walk out of this room any time he wanted. There wasn’t anything outside of this room that he wanted to see besides Shouta.
He’d finished the paperwork earlier, thank god, but was now waiting for it to be processed by the local legal system. Why couldn’t he have done this at home? Why couldn’t he be there right now making Shouta dinner and then forcing it down his throat? Shouta couldn’t be trusted with eating on his own! Hizashi had to be there to make him food that was actually nutritional, and he had to be there to make sure he ate it!
He wanted to see his husband so badly it wasn’t the least bit amusing. His fingers twitched at the thought of running them through Shouta’s hair again, and his heart longed for the sounds he made when he was content. He wanted more than anything to just lay down next to him and wrap his arms around his waist, instigating a cuddle sessions because Hizashi loves physical affection more than anything.
But no. Hizashi’s been stuck here for four days straight.
Four days away from Shouta proved to be the longest four days of his entire life, and he hoped to whatever deity out there that it wouldn’t turn into five days.
Honest to god, he longed for Shouta so much that it was physically painful. The past few days had been pretty fucking bad--he’d woken up feeling cold, straining to hear anything that wasn’t the AC unit, searching for familiar snores and faint noises, but nothing was there. He’d eaten the hotel-provided breakfast by himself, staring at the coffee machines and thinking that normally, he’d be bringing Shouta a mug right now, or buying some on the way to work.
More than once he’d opened his mouth to make a quip directed at Shouta, only to remember that he was here alone and the only other people around were his fellow family members, who did little to fill the gap.
He’d told Shouta that he missed him, of course, but simple words couldn’t express how much. All the affection, the closeness....it was what he’d grown used to after twelve years of dating and seven years of marriage, and he hadn’t been separated from Shouta for this long, ever. Even back in their high school days during the summer, one was always at the other’s house, or both invaded Tensei’s. They’d never spent more than two days apart from one another, not once.
Was this feeling of longing the result of being too attached, or was this a normal thing? Of course married people would miss one another, but it has only been four days. That wasn’t particularly long, was it?
Duration of this visit be damned, Hizashi felt homesick, more than he’d ever had in his entire life. He even felt a bit of anxiety, because how was Shouta doing without him? Was he eating? Did he get home okay? Had he woken up in the past couple of days needing Hizashi there but had been too tired or proud to call Hizashi?
Hizashi’s heart ached as he paced back and forth, hands curling and uncurling into fists. It was nearly midnight, but he wanted to go home so badly he didn’t even care if he’d have to wait all night at the train station for the first one to Tokyo. He hoped desperately that all the legal stuff would be dealt with soon, and he could go home to Shouta, and to his radio station and Yuuei and--
His phone buzzed in his pocket, and with eagerness he took it out, half-hoping it was the nice police officer from earlier telling him he was good to go. It was actually Shouta, but he wasn’t even disappointed, and swiped to answer right away. He could feel his heartbeat in his chest as he read the most recent messages:
Shouta: I’m doing fine.
Shouta: I miss you.
It took him a moment to realize that those were words Shouta had actually sent to him, words Shouta would never be caught dead saying. Shouta didn’t like admitting that he missed people, and even getting him to say ‘I love you’ proved to be difficult. Was Shouta going through the same feelings he was at the moment? Did he feel as shitty as Hizashi did?
Hizashi told himself not to cry, because that would just solidify him as literally the most pathetic human being ever, but he cried anyways and typed a response to Shouta assuring him that he’d try to get home soon because he missed him god damn it, he missed his home, his husband, his Shouta, and wanted to see him right now.
Hizashi fell asleep not long after that, having tired himself out after the long day, and woke up to a phone call telling him he was free to go. He might have shouted out in joy loud enough to shake the floor of his room, and the housekeeper knocked on his door to give him a look, to which he responded that he’d be checking out at once anyways.
Hizashi had texted Shouta to tell him he was going to be getting on the first train he could to Tokyo, which proved to be a very, very long trip, even longer than the trip to Nagasaki. He had to switch trains several times, but it was much cheaper than buying a plane ticket, and Hizashi was saving up his money for an anniversary gift.
He did almost actually get a plane ticket despite the price, mostly because he wanted to get home as soon as possible, before deciding against it. That money should only be used to buy Shouta those adorable but ridiculously expensive cat pajamas that came with a cat mug and pillow.
His heart sped up in excitement at the prospect of seeing Shouta after these past few awful days. He’d left the clock and dining chair behind, telling his relatives any of them could claim it because he didn’t really want it, and he’d also have to pay for damages to the apartment building. All of that, however, amounted to nothing in the end, because he was going to see Shouta after an excruciating four days.
It was early in the morning when the train finally pulled into the mostly-empty station nearest their apartment, and in his eagerness to step out he almost tripped and fell flat on his face. Righting himself, he glanced around and gauged that it was just after six in the morning, and the station only held about ten or fifteen people. He’d get home just as Shouta was waking up to leave for school, and if he jogged he could get there earlier and make Shouta breakfast and...
It took Hizashi a moment to realize that someone was standing before him--it was Shouta, who’d stood up from his seat the moment Hizashi had stepped off the train.
Hizashi didn’t even think twice--he rushed forward and flung his arms around the other, practically squeezing the life out of him as he let out way too many words for Shouta to even comprehend this early in the morning.
“Oh my god this week sucked balls so fucking much because I just wanted to see you I didn’t even know half of my relatives there and I was so worried that you weren’t doing well without me which probably sounds like really arrogant or something but I super duper missed you and I never want to do this again because I--”
“Hizashi,” Shouta sighed against his neck, voice groggy and quiet and tired and just distinctly Shouta. “It’s alright.”
It took a while before they finally disentangled, and Hizashi bent down to pick up his bag, noting how tired Shouta looked as he did so. The other’s dark circles were even more prominent than usual, and he felt a pang in his chest as he realized it, before hoping that now that he was here, hopefully they’d both be able to sleep better.
Hizashi held out his hand, and after a moment Shouta accepted it. They walked to the exit as Hizashi continued chattering on about how the funeral had went and about his weird aunt and a cousin who’s quirk was literally delivering wedgies. He eventually trailed off into silence, turning to study Shouta, who looked ready to fall asleep standing up.
With Shouta’s hand in his, he thought about doing all the stuff he’d missed these past few days. Being able to stroke Shouta’s hair, and make him breakfast and lunch, and grade their papers together and compare whose essay was the worst of the bunch. Hizashi gave a smile smile, and Shouta noticed him staring, so he said,
“I missed you.”
There was a short pause. They turned onto the street their apartment was located, and Hizashi assumed that Shouta was too tired to even respond, so he didn’t speak again.
But Shouta’s hand squeezed his own, and the other said in a voice so soft that Hizashi almost didn’t hear it--
“I missed you too.”