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They are not so different, he and Izuku.
It's a fact that he knows, as obvious as the effort he puts in to deny it. Their hearts beat on one frequency, and Katsuki could read the twitch of his eyes, the roll of his shoulder blade and translate it into language.
He knows Izuku. Knows him like Katsuki knows his own self.
Katsuki imagines that Izuku reads him as well, when the listless stare in his eyes upon the joint of Katsuki's arm penetrates through sinew and bone into the color of his soul, upon which he shudders, recoils, and prevents Izuku from entering a hollow inside him that no one has.
It was most noticeable when they fought. Training together, driven by an intensity that each knew only the other could understand. Lit by the same flame, drawn to the same beacon.
In those moments they were as one.
There was no one who he could open up and pour his passion out to like Izuku.
Izuku, who he'd known for years. Izuku, who he'd tormented to the point of irriversable timidity. Izuku, who looked upon him as he had always imagined himself, who studied Katsuki's actions and envied his power.
From opposite ends of a sparring field, he could see it. The subtle quirk in Izuku's lips, the smile that indicated he was reading into the deepest recesses of his vulnerability.
He built walls that were as paper to Izuku's perceptibility, and that alone ignited fury within him.
Today, however, today the glitter in Izuku's eyes were gone. His smile was there, uneven and defiant to a fault but it didn't reach his eyes with its eclipsing radiance, and it takes him a fraction of a moment to deduce something is wrong.
The anger upon his lips fades into something softer, less accusatory. He takes a disarming step forward.
"Deku!" He calls over the sound of fighting classmates, "Hey. What's your problem!? I don't want you to fucking fight me if you're not in top form, you're just wasting my time at this rate."
Izuku shakes his head, attempts to shake the shadow weighing him down. Katsuki can make out the dying glimmer in his stare.
"Sorry, Kacchan. I....I uh...."
The indecision in his voice is infuriating; Katsuki longs to lunge at him, to unleash a flurry of napalm that he is forced to defend against.
His feet lift from the floor, propelling him forward in a flurry of explosive force. He reads Izuku's body for the motion--he will activate his power and jump, he will deflect Katsuki's swing with his arm and attempt to flip him aside, he will--
His fist collides with Izuku's cheek, sending him flying across the dirt in a series of spine shattering impacts and rolls. All around him, the world dims, until the only thing against the black is the crumpled form of Izuku shaking madly on the ground.
Aizawa is upon them in an instant, dropping from a distance to where Izuku lay.
After a moment (infinite) of inspection, their teacher turns to look upon him with tired eyes.
"Bakugou." He drones, cool and collected even as Katsuki's hands begin to shake, "What happened?"
"I...He didn't dodge." He stammers, his mind fried past the formation of speech.
Aizawa stares as if he doesn't believe Katsuki, and the indignation of it all snaps him out of his momentary falter into something brash and combative.
"What, you don't believe me?!"
"It's my fault, sensei... I'm sorry. I didn't see it coming."
He's lying. Analytical, observant, clever Izuku is lying, and Katsuki can see it in the way his eyes never rise to meet his opponent. He can't be fooled, and Izuku knows this, and he prepares to belt out an ousting confession when their teacher sighs and lifts his head.
"Alright then. Bakugou. Take him to the nurse. Have her make sure nothing is broken, and you can return to homeroom after."
"What?? Why me? His legs are fine, he can walk his damn self!"
Aizawa slowly blinks, thin lips curled back into a grin, and Katsuki knows he has already lost the battle.
=====
"I'm sorry."
The walk to Recovery Girl's office is slow and arduous, dripping with a venomous, unspoken tension that cemented them together on parallel strands of a spider's thread.
Izuku's head remains low to the ground, and through the curtain of his hair, Katsuki can make out the shape of his teeth digging into his lower lip, a symbol of Izuku's boundless anxiety.
"It's fine, shithead. You're having an off day."
Katsuki's hands are shoved in his pockets, and they twitch with each syllable of unfamiliar reinforcement, foreign on his tongue. Izuku stares at him as if he can't fathom the smallest mote of kindness in his rival.
When Katsuki stares back, the flinch Izuku gives carries a heavier punch than he'd been expecting.
"Sorry. I'm sorry."
Izuku stops in the hallway, encased in a pocket of soft sobs and misery. A roll of thunder drums lazily outside, carrying over the school like an ominous trumpet over the sound of Izuku beginning to cry, and the squeak of his shoes when he sinks to his knees, hands drawn tight over his shoulders as if to fold himself inward.
Katsuki is frozen, cold ice snaking across his skin in rivers of subzero crystal. When he places a hand on Izuku's shoulder the boy's head snaps up and stares around the spaces surrounding him, like he can't see, like his world is nebulous.
Izuku's breath is heavy and labored, quickening as if he'd run thousands of miles to collapse at Katsuki's feet. His hands, fearful and trembling come to rest above his heart, fingers twisting in his shirt like he could reach the tremor in his chest with small ministrations and bitten sobs.
"Deku. Hey. Knock it off. Come on." Katsuki pleads, ignoring the pride that surfaces like an angry welt at the desperate feelings that tingle on his skin, corrosive and hot.
He places his hands on Izuku's shoulders and the boy flinches so violently that the two are knocked apart, sent sprawling on their backs.
Apologies fly out of Izuku's mouth like broken biblical verse upon the lips of a sinner. He takes a moment to stare at the confused form of Katsuki before he weakly scoots back, eyes bloodshot with cold, hard fear.
By the time Izuku reaches the peak of hyperventilating, Katsuki knows he has to get Izuku out of the hallways, in view of everyone. The boy is a lit match, wobbling over a crevice of gasoline. His power is immense, and one panicked move could result in grievous injury.
With that weighing in his mind, Katsuki approaches Izuku as if he would a frightened animal, hands disarmingly raised by his head.
"Deku." He says, kneeling near the shaking boy, "I'm going to put my hands on your shoulders. Alright?"
Mercifully, a sliver of lucidity lingers behind the film of terror, and in between rapid pants and rough sobs, Izuku nods. Katsuki puts his hands on both sides of Izuku's shoulders, keeping the boy grounded in his hold. When it is clear Izuku will not retaliate, Katsuki leans forward until his mouth lingers near the panicked boy's ear.
"I want you to listen to me closely. I'm going to count backwards from twenty, and I want you to count with me. Alright?"
Izuku hesitates, a thousand scenarios playing at once in his mind. Katsuki tightens his grip just slightly.
"Izuku. Answer me."
A moment passes in which Katsuki wonders if he's lost his chance, but Izuku manages a timid affirmative and relief floods him.
"Alright. Twenty."
Katsuki brings one hand up to rest in the fluffy tangle of Izuku's curls. The boy leans in to the touch, forehead upon Katsuki's shoulder.
"Fifteen."
Izuku follows his lead diligently, his breathing beginning to even out as his hands raise to dig into Katsuki's uniform.
"Ten."
His voice is hoarse. When did it get to such a state? How much had Izuku been crying?
"Five."
He didn't know what could torment the boy so. Izuku with his smiles and positivity. What turned the cogs in the darkest corners of his mind, Katsuki wonders.
"Four."
He wanted to protect Izuku.
"Three."
He had to protect Izuku.
"Two."
The need was strange and different.
"One."
Katsuki was afraid.
"Zero."
Izuku's hyperventilating had calmed to a more steady pace, and when his head raised to look into Katsuki's eyes, they were clear and without the fog of terror.
He still trembled, and tears flew down his cheeks like a torrent, but when Katsuki spoke, Izuku could listen.
"We need to get out of the hallway. We're standing smack in the blessed fucking middle of everything. Can you stand."
It isn't phrased like a question, but Izuku nods and allows his shaky legs to carry him upwards. When Katsuki grabs his hand, he doesn't hesitate, and Katsuki bites back the natural urge to recoil and bolt far from this unexplored territory within himself.
He leads them both out of the school and into the courtyard, surrounded by brisk fall air, and the electric wind that hovers just before the coming of a storm. Izuku collapses on a bench as soon as he is led to it, curling in on himself and sobbing further.
"Take a deep breath. Do it like I am. Alright?"
Katsuki's voice is rough, but unwavering, and Izuku clings to it. He obediently breathes along with his instructions, and begins to calm further.
"Thank you Kacchan..." Izuku croaks, watching his rival through a thick film of tears.
"Tell me what the hell's going on, Deku. Something's been eating away at you for days. Don't think I haven't noticed. You might be able to hide it from the others, but I know you. Don't try to bullshit me."
Katsuki is seated next to Izuku, enough so that the trembling in the boy's arms is like lightning shocks on his skin. It seems to take Izuku a moment to compose himself, eyes glazed and somewhere far away.
"I've...been having dreams lately. Dreams about One for All...about All Might. Really awful things happening to All Might. I haven't slept properly in days, not since..."
A haunting pallor grips Izuku mid sentence. He grits his teeth and lowers his head until his chin rests in the dip of his collarbone.
"A-anyway, I've been stressed. About my progress, my responsibility, I'm not getting stronger fast enough, but I can't...I can't rush it or I'll lose my arms. Sometimes I have trouble doing the simplest damn task like tying my shoes. What kind of hero fumbles with tying their shoes?"
Somewhere in the midst of his rambles, Izuku has leaned his full weight against Katsuki, his shaking fingers cutting crescent moons into Katsuki's thigh like he is all that keeps Izuku anchored in their world.
"I'm so tired, Kacchan. I can't tell anyone. I can't tell my mom, I can't tell the others, I can't tell All Might."
The realization that Katsuki alone knows enough about Izuku's secrets to receive every facet of his worries hits him like the full force of a storm wind.
"You're the only one..." He whispers, tears beading at the corner of his lashes.
Katsuki feels his heart sink into his stomach and spread nitro along his innards to immolate him in flames. He has known stress like this and spilt his guts out along the asphalt for Izuku to pick up the trails in a futile attempt to heal and repair.
He reaches his arm over the oceans of damage and rests it along the junction of Izuku's shoulder, pulls the boy close against his arm, and maintains a protective hold.
"Listen to me nerd, because I'm only gonna say this once. I want you to fucking find me and tell me about these things when they get to be too much. Tie me to a chair and beat me until I listen, I don't care. I just... don't want to see you like that ever again. You hear me?"
Izuku snivels, but nods, rubbing the puffy skin beneath his eyes.
"I-I didn't mean to catch you off guard. I don't panic like that often. The timing was just unfortunate."
"Tch. I don't care about the timing. The point still stands. You're All Might's successor. You can't be fucking weighing yourself down with these bullshit thoughts. If you need an outlet, I'll be your outlet."
"Heh, alright."
They settle into a comfortable silence, nestled beneath the twirling pattern of leaves falling amidst the faint breezes. Izuku's presence under his arm is strange, but not unwelcome, and when the boy's lashes flutter closed, Katsuki feels a peace settle inside his soul that he has never known.
"You did really well calming me. Thank you."
"Yeah, well. Sometimes I...have problems with panicking too."
Izuku lifts his head, brows lifting in surprise. Katsuki feels himself beginning to lose against their innocent shimmer.
"You do?" Izuku wonders aloud.
"...Everyone gets a little stressed sometimes."
He is perhaps not ready to let Izuku in that far into his heart. The boy doesn't pry, merely turns his head to rest it against Katsuki's shoulder once again, and shudder as a light mist of rain begins to fall over them.
"We should go inside before we get soaked." He says.
"Guess so. I was supposed to haul your ass to Recovery Girl."
The two separate, Izuku trailing behind Katsuki with his hands clasped tightly over his chest. They enter the school as the rain follows them, an angry torrent of water splashing against the door that denies it entry into UA.
"Kacchan, I know this is going to sound really stupid, but...can you stay with me? I... don't know how well I will do with other people alone right now."
Katsuki stops and turns to stare, and the hunched posture and furrowed crease in his companion's forehead tells him all he needs to know.
"You want ME to stay with you? Kind of a dumb choice, If you ask me. I could fuckin' kick your ass while you're down at any time."
"You won't." Izuku replies, firm and resolute.
Katsuki has no retort to that.
=====
In the end, Izuku's injuries are minor, and with only a few bandages to cover up the scrapes, Recovery Girl sends them off to return to class.
They are side by side, fingertips touching, and in the rush of the moment, Izuku let's his hand fall into Katsuki's, who envelops the spaces between his finger's with his companion's.
Their hearts beat in sync.
He has no answer for this moment, knows that soon enough, rationality and pride will come back to the surface and he'll have to answer to himself about the satisfying feeling of bumping shoulder's with Izuku, and the warmth of the sunshine pouring from his smile.
For now, he doesn't have to answer for shit.
They are as one.