Chapter Text
“No.” He felt his stomach twisting as he refused for the nth time, “I’m going back to bed now, so get them the fu-” Taking a breath for control like he’d practiced with Kirishima, he managed to hiss out, “Get it out from between the door and the frame or else. ”
Todoroki, the shit, had the nerve to let the laugh lines growing around his eyes crinkle. Katsuki still refused to acknowledge, even mentally, that most of his idiot friends had decided to call them ‘Tokoyami’s feet’ instead. Finding it somewhat disturbing to associate that asshole with years of accumulated wrinkles, he just sneered every time it was mentioned. As he tried to suppress the anger building from his current situation, the man opposite him reached down. Taking the hand of one of the curious little creatures that was trying to peek past Bakugou into his apartment, he implored, “I apologize, I really do. But you’re the only one with a day off-”
“Yeah,” They’d already been through each possible argument over text, but Todoroki seemed unphased, as if he knew the mere sight of the tiny monsters was enough to melt Bakugou’s defenses. Not that he’d ever admit it. “My day off. As in for rest. Have you ever spent time with your kids? They’re demons. I have to try not to blow them up - Ah?! You hearing what I’m saying?” He shouted this last bit down at the child refusing to be corralled, even by the gentle tug of his father’s hand. Caught in the act of attempting to sneak his way past Katsuki, the boy flipped his white hair up to regard him with a pair of piercing blue eyes.
Smiling.
Fucking little shits.
“I know, I know - Yukino, give him some space for a second, okay? But they love you for whatever odd reason, and they absolutely perked up when Momo told us you were free to babysit-”
“And who.” He curled his hand into a fist where it rested on the doorframe, feeling his palm heat up. Barely managing to avoid burning the polished wood, he growled, “Gave her my fuc-gah.” Coughing to cover his slip-up, he shot a wary look at the children who were now eyeing his smoking hand with interest, “My schedule.”
“Kirishima.”
“The bas-” He inhaled through his nose, letting the smell of increasingly concentrated nitroglycerin calm him, “The shi- ahem. Red. Head. Idiot.” He grated out, purposefully shooting a look from Todoroki to the twins, “I don’t want to do this all day.”
“It’s just till three. Kirishima can come pick them up after and take them to dinner. Don’t make me beg, Katsuki - I’m due at work soon.”
"Half-and-Half." He warned, realizing with horror that he was allowing himself to be backed into a corner.
“Don’t make me do it.” The Tokoyami’s feet - crow’s feet - around Todoroki’s eyes bloomed into a barely suppressed smile.
"Don’t you dare-"
“You leave me with no choice. Sons.” Todoroki grinned conspiratorially and squatted down next to his kids, “Don’t you think Kirishima is the better babysitter?”
"You-”
“No!” The little red head stamped his foot, “Uncle Bakugou is the best!”
“But I like Kirishima.” Yukino smiled, catching onto his father’s antics before his brother. “Remember the time he styled our hair like his? That was so much fun!”
“Oh yeah!” He clapped excitedly, “Kirishima was pretty awesome! But…” The gears behind those grey eyes began turning and catching up with the smirks his father and brother were giving him, “But - I don’t know, Uncle Bakugou is really cool, so I guess they’re equal.”
Katsuki felt his willpower melt. Hotaru may not be the brightest individual, but he had a heart of gold. There wasn’t a mean bone in his body, and even with something as ridiculously obvious as the ploy they were pulling, he wouldn’t dare insult Katsuki’s pride by stating he was lesser than someone. When the boy grinned sheepishly up at him, he knew he was done for.
But he did still have his pride.
“Hah?! Equal? You little brats, I’ll show you who the number one babysitter is around here! Get your asses inside - if you haven’t had breakfast look in the fridge and think of something you want. And don’t you dare touch the nice looking bottles on the counter or I’ll fry the hair off your heads! You’ll be bald for months, you hear me?” He turned back to Todoroki when he heard the sound of the twins rummaging haphazardly through the fridge. “You." He jabbed a still warm finger into Todoroki’s left side, “Owe me. Big time.”
“I know. Thank you, Katsuki.”
Shooting a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure the kids hadn’t snuck back to say goodbye to their dad - cause they were spoiled and impolite little fucks, but they could damn well be sneaky when they wanted to - he hissed out, “Fucking Half-and-Half, I get to punch you in the damn face.”
“We’ll discuss a sparring session later. But I really do need to head out. Tell them I said I love them. Please.”
“Tch. Fine.” He slammed the door in his face.
A crash sounded from inside the kitchen and Yukino’s voice let out a low, “Ooooo, you’re gonna be in trouble. ”
Contrary to popular belief, Bakugou didn’t hate all kids.
He fucking adored these two.
He might not show it in the conventional way, but he truly never felt annoyance when the twins came to wreck his house. Whether it was lighting the drapes on fire, freezing the couch, or just normal child-associated mayhem, he mostly found himself repressing a smile.
So when he heard Hotaru’s desperate attempts to fucking ice over whatever he’d broken, he grinned and made a couple loud explosions in his hands, “Oi.” He growled, barely managing to suppress his smile into a neutral scowl, “Did I hear something break?”
Rounding the corner to his kitchen, he saw Hotaru standing amongst a small pile of ice that was once an expensive bottle of wine Iida had gifted him.
“N-no.” Hotaru grinned guiltily, the ice behind him extending to cover the blood-red stain on the tile.
“Hotaru broke one of the nice looking bottles!” Yukino supplied like the traitorous little heathen he was. And Bakugou loved him for it.
“Clearly.” He raised his palms and produced a slightly louder explosion, “Now. Let’s see if your dad loves you enough to tell you apart when neither of you has any hair.” Yukino yelped, though there was a giggle hiding somewhere in there as he grabbed Hotaru’s hand and dashed.
What ensued was about an hour of hide-and-seek. Somewhere along the line, Katsuki turned into a rampaging villain, while the kids became valiant heroes on a quest to defeat him. He eventually let himself be bested with a twin attack: the most precious little burst of fire to the face distracted him, while the flimsiest ice ‘held’ his feet to the floor.
He groaned, “Ugh! This is why I hate having you two around - you always defeat me!” As Yukino melted his feet, effectively ‘freeing’ him, he knelt down to pull the twins closer, “Hey now, neither of you got cut or anything by the glass in the kitchen, right? Should’ve checked earlier, but you seemed to be fine.”
“We’re good.” Hotaru smiled, reaching up towards the cheek Yukino shot fire at, “Did you get burned?”
“Naw,” He gently batted the cooling palm away, “I’m more than used to fire, you know that.” He got back up and took each of them by the hand, “Are you two hungry still?” When they nodded, he prompted further, “Then what the hel- uh, what on earth do you want?”
“Omelets!” Hotaru supplied.
“The angry ones you make us!” His brother added.
“Fine, fine. By the way, your father said he loved you or some other crap.”
He sat them down at the table, cleaning up the puddle of glass and watered-down wine before pulling an apron on. When he was first requested to make food for them, he’d learned that Todoroki and Momo - the disgustingly doting parents that they are - made all the twins’ meals adorned with cute faces and the like. He was hard-pressed to join in this habit, but after multiple occasions where the children seemed less than thrilled, going so far as to refuse to eat certain things - spoiled monsters - he crumbled and made angry faces in ketchup all over their omelets.
They fucking adored that.
“You better be doing your homework,” He shot over his shoulder, realizing that the two kids at the kitchen table had their phones out, tracking their parents and ‘extended Yuuei family’ in the news.
As he plated the last omelet, arranging some lettuce around it to look like Deku’s hair - they loved the nerd for some fucking reason - he heard their protests start up. He was willing to listen to their whines only because he would hear how his friends were doing without actually having to look them up himself. Which he never did, because they were grown ass heroes and he didn’t need to waste his time on that sort of thing.
“But Kirishima and Iida are fighting a villain with a gigantification quirk!” Yukino began moving his hands in motions that strangely resembled the newest Ingenium. Trying not to laugh, Katsuki approached them silently. As he set the two plates down in front of them, he bopped the white-haired boy on the head lightly with his elbow.
“Don’t move your arms like that, it’s weird.” He peeked over their shoulders, watching the small live-stream of his friends fighting. His eyes caught on the bright crimson of Kirishima’s hair and followed his movements. “What an idiot,” he mumbled as Red Riot took a blow meant to crush him under the villain’s foot, but instead knocked the monster off balance as the hero pushed back.
The kids ate as they watched, not seeming to notice Bakugou behind them scowling almost fondly at the screen. When the day was saved and Kirishima was pulled aside to talk to the press, his excited personality drew the livelier reporters to him from the more “professional” Iida.
“Tch, he still blushes when there are too many cameras on him. What a nerd.” With a sigh and one last, lingering look, he closed the tab on their phone, much to their chagrin. “Shut up, you two. Get some work done - it’s not like Kirishima’ll make you do it. Do you really wanna go home tonight and have to stay up late doing work?”
The twins pouted, but after minimal scolding pulled out their homework. He cleaned up their breakfast and made a quick sandwich for himself. After checking to make sure there was a while left before they were finished, he decided to go rest.
“Oi, I’m gonna be in the living room. Come get me when you’re done and we can go out and do something.” Plopping down on the couch, he turned on his favorite soap opera - that those brats better never tell anyone he watched - and kicked back. He never actually watched it, just listened to the drama unfold. It… kinda reminded him of high school; just listening to people in the class around him laugh, throw shade, and argue about things he didn’t really pay any mind to. It was kind of nostalgic.
Not that he’d admit it.
He dozed off somewhere between two chicks fighting over some guy’s not-so-dead twin - even though he was pretty sure they were both with the original dude still.
A rookie mistake.
The dozing off, that was; not the weird love-quadrangle.
He barely registered a whispered countdown before his ears were assaulted with a shrill “One!” that punctuated two projectile bodies slamming into his stomach. It was something he could have completely avoided, but not without possibly harming the twins, so he let them carry out their sneak attack. He emitted the appropriate dying whale noises they’d sought after, before finally declaring war and chasing them around a bit more.
However, when they ran through the kitchen, he paused to glance over the work lying forgotten on the table. While it gave the kids a chance to hide, it was mostly because even though he wanted them to have fun, above all else he was duty-bound to be a responsible guardian. After he made sure everything was correct and completed, he began an ostentatious search for them throughout his house, boardering a ‘fee-fi-fo-fum’ level of playfulness.
This time he chose to be the victor at the end of the chase, quickly catching the twins and pulling them into a bear hug. He gave them his best evil-villain laugh, which sounded more like Yuuei’s principal than he cared to think about, and they replied with squealed giggles. They kicked at his now bruised ribs, driving him to get a bit carried away in his continued groggy state (who said he wasn’t awesome enough to outsmart and catch a top hero’s kids while half-asleep?). Booming as loud as he could, he shouted, “Looks like I’ve caught you two! What should I do then, Hah? Shave off your hair? Tickle you to death? Make you eat broccoli?"
That got the twins spasming with fits of laughter, though as he continued his list of increasingly innocent and ridiculous threats, he heard them suddenly sputter and try to stifle their mirth. Confused, he looked more closely at what they were doing. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, he followed their wide-eyed gazes towards the door of the living room.
Besides him, only one person had a key to his house.
But that person was most definitely not supposed to be here till evening. And most definitely not supposed to see Bakugou ‘The Explosion King’ Katsuki being a fucking softy and playing with children.
A shocked and pleased grin, full of shark’s teeth, radiated under that shitty red hair.
The kids were the only ones making any noise, little bodies shaking with snickers as the adults stared each other down, neither willing to make the first move.
After what felt like an eternity of Bakugou internally screaming and wishing he could go back in time, Kirishima spoke up, laughter filling his words, “We could always take them to Uncle Kaminari’s for dinner.”
The kids groaned and roared, trying to suppress their laughter while they denied such a punishment. As they bemoaned Denki’s lack of cooking skills, Kirishima shot a wink at Bakugou, dropping a heavy bag full of hero gear down onto the couch. Still stunned that he was caught, Katsuki remained dumbfounded, eyes twitching at the encroaching redhead.
“Now, now, struggling gets you nowhere.” Eijirou giggled - fucking giggled, ‘cause fuck if Shitty Hair could act like anything other than some precious, manly asshole for one goddamned second of his life - and reached under the twins arms to tickle them.
Snapping out of it when Hotaru aimed a particularly brutal kick to the bruise forming over his ribs, he growled low in his throat. “Oi, what the fuck are you doing here?”
All three gasped, and he flinched.
“Bakugou Katsuki! Language!” Eijirou crossed his arms, his previous villainous act momentarily forgotten, “It’s unmanly to curse in front of children like that!”
“How does that fucking- Shit- I mean.” Dropping the kids to the ground carefully - but angrily - he growled, “Whatever! Fine! No more cursing!”
Shooting him an indulgent smile, Eijirou fluffed up the twins’ hair, “I apologize for Uncle Bakugou’s foul language. But not to fear!” Mimicking All Might rather horribly, he added, “Because I am here!” The kids ate it up, and even though he rolled his eyes, he still felt a fond ache burn within his chest. “And sorry to barge in early, but when Shouto called me up about this I felt kinda bad. You know, since it’s your break and all, so I took a half-day.”
Gruffly shrugging, struggling to regain the scowl that usually felt so natural on his face, Katsuki huffed in thanks.
But of course, Eijirou being Eijirou, he pushed a bit further, “Though it seems I was worrying over nothing. You appear to be having quite a bit of fun.”
“Shut up.” He snapped, though none of the people in the room bought it.
At least Eijirou didn’t comment on the drama playing in the background, leaving Bakugou to subtly turn it off while he sat down and regaled the children with a first-hand account of his battle that morning. When he was done, the twins began demanding a trip to the park, trying to make good on Bakugou’s earlier promise of a field trip.
Kirishima seemed pleased by this, and sent them off to gather their things. When they disappeared into the kitchen, he got up and practically stalked towards Bakugou. “Katsuki.”
“Shut up.”
"Katsuki.”
“Shut up.”
“That.” Two arms were allowed to circle around his waist, “Was absolutely.” A kiss was allowed to push his cheek up into his eye, making him growl without any real bite behind it. "Precious.”
“Shut up.” He said with less intensity this time, placated by the sudden affection. He returned the hug casually, like he didn’t really care whether or not he pulled his boyfriend any closer.
“Man, you make me want to have a dozen children with you.”
Feeling a pleased sort of embarrassment burn up his neck, he mumbled quietly so the twins wouldn’t hear him, “We don’t even live together and you already fuckin’ want kids? What kind of a relationship do you think this is?”
“One where I’m head over heels for you.” Kirishima answered honestly, with only a slight blush marring his features.
“I’ll never comprehend how you can just say, let alone think embarrassing bullshit like that.” He dug a hand into Eijirou’s hair and began lazily messing around with it, “I bet it’s all the gel killing your brain cells.”
Laughing, Kirishima tugged him into a rib-crushing hug, burying his nose in Katsuki’s neck, “No, it’s just how overwhelmingly much I adore you.” When he tried landing a gentle blow to Eijirou’s side, the other just tightened his grip, “And it’s totally manly to express your feelings, you know?”
“Shut up. The kids are zipping up their backpacks now, so get off of me, you hunk of rock.”
With a parting kiss to his cheek, Eijirou slipped away, grinning from ear to ear, “I’m serious about the dozen kids thing.”
Short-circuiting momentarily at the visual of Eijirou and him having twelve adorable children of their own, he almost missed the twins entering the room. He shook himself to get rid of any of residual sappy thoughts and paternal instincts these idiots drew out of him. Throwing another good-natured punch at Eijirou, he grumbled, “We’ll have to discuss that number later.”
The smile shot at him was so utterly lovestruck - so purely stupid - that he felt his heart skip a couple beats and his face heat up. Before he could get drawn back into any mushy feelings, he growled, “Start heading out and let me go change into some legit clothes. I’ll catch up with you.”
As he walked to his room, he waited until he heard the door shut behind them. Immediately turning towards the wall, he rested his forehead against it, seeking some peace of mind.
“Fuck.” He muttered, brain producing no helpful thoughts beyond increasingly numerous fantasies of Eijirou. Walking around with a small blonde child on his shoulders, holding the hands of two little redheads, sitting down for a family dinner, napping on the couch together, tucking the kids in, taking them to school…
He banged his head into the wall, trying to knock all the images out.
“Fuck.” He repeated, like it would help at all.
Taking a deep breath to collect himself, he put on his best scowl and marched into his room to dress himself. He took his sweet time locking up the house, all the while attempting to convince himself how not sappy he was. He simply must be coming down with some horrible illness that was making him act like this. Of course. That was the only logical explanation.
When he finally did catch sight of Eijirou walking down the street, his heart stuttered. The three were laughing as the twins struggled to stay perched on his shoulders. The two grappled at his hair for some sort of stability, giggling while Eijirou attempted to balance them.
He stopped walking, just watching for a second, imagining the twins as their own kids.
Ah, fuck.
He sighed, feeling something twist and settle in his chest.
He was gonna need to call Mina - no. Fuck that.
Starting to walk forward, he began going through the rest of the girls he knew.
Hagakure was out of the question, he didn’t know her well enough. Tsuyu was trustworthy, but she was too honest; he would likely blow up and back out if he had to listen to her teasing. Same went for Jirou. Uraraka would tell Deku and like hell he wanted that nerd to be one of the first to know that -
He cursed under his breath, feeling his shoulders pinch together as he stalked towards where Eijirou was goofing around with the kids.
It would need to be Momo.
He hated that it would have to be her, ‘cause then he had no excuse when she came to pick up the kids later. He’d have to ask her right away or consider himself a coward - and he wasn’t a fucking coward, dammit! He just needed… time. To be sure of things.
He felt the scowl deepen the wrinkles of his forehead.
There was no worrying about what-ifs, he knew for a fact just how things would go.
Well. How Eijirou would respond.
He was more terrified of his own actions, if he was being honest. Sometimes he wondered idly when Shitty Hair would realize just how much of a shitshow his personality was and flee, but that grin persistently became more loving by the minute.
Fuck.
He felt his hands smoking, some ‘extra’ getting nervous and shooting him a worried look. When he growled in response, the poor passerby quickly skittered off.
Momo would probably ask him specifics, but…
He looked up to see Eijirou holding the twins’ hands as they walked, the pair having given up their earlier endeavor.
Fuck if that man didn’t deserve the best.
He sighed, scratching the back of his head. His stomach churned in a way that would have been indicative of nervousness, had Katsuki ever been capable of such a thing.