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Did You Read It In Cosmopolitan?

Summary:

Rick is away on adventures a lot, making your sex-life consist of a little too many quickies. You want slow for once - you'll never believe what happens next!

Notes:

Sorry for using click-bait in my summary, I am trash

Work Text:

When wanting something different from Rick, one had to try out tactics. Normally, one of the only things that worked was the reverse psychology trick, amusingly he never realised that it was with a purpose of gaining the complete opposite of what you were saying. Other times, you would even use the “I bet you can’t”-method, which also worked wonders but this was not a situation where you could use either of those tactics; this was about sex, and you knew that the most important thing in bed was being honest.

Rick was heading out, portal gun in hand and yelling at Morty to hurry the hell up. You were in the kitchen, making breakfast for yourself and feeling slightly gloomy at the fact that he was going to be away all day again .

A kiss was pressed against your neck, making you smile to yourself, “Rick, you’re leaving. Don’t get me all hot and bothered.”

“Mhm..” Rick hummed against your skin, leaning in to whisper in your ear, “I-I am gonna do you so hard tonight, riiiiight here if I have to, w-when I get home.”

“Rick,” you mumbled, leaning into him.

“Yes,” he continued, arms sliding around your waist, “I’ll have y-you fucking aching afterwards.” If he was trying to get you horny, yes, he was succeeding but you would not give in. He needed to know how you felt.

“Rick!” You said, loudly this time, and finally, he went quiet. You turned around in his arms, facing him and swallowing, “You have barely been home these few weeks. Can we just… go slow for once? I miss you.”

Rick was silent for a moment, studying your face and your pouting mouth. He then grinned, “D-does my baby want all that r-ridiculous and romantic crap? Candles, massage and oils?”

“Yes, but I wouldn’t call it crap,” you nodded as heat rose to your head, making your cheeks flush and Rick seemed a little too pleased by his effect on you, “It’s actually very healthy for our sex life.”

Rick snorted, leaning down to kiss you a few times on the lips, “W-what? Did you read- You got that from Cosmopolitan?”

“Maybe.”

“Right,” Rick laughed softly, the sound making your heart swell, “I’ll be back- I-I’ll be home around nine or ten tonight. I promise .”


Screw his promises, you thought to yourself as you watched the clock in yours and Rick’s room. It was 45 minutes past the time you should’ve been together after what seemed like an eternity. You thought about the scolding you would give him when he arrived, preparing yourself for a big speech. How dared he? This was a date, well, a sex-date, if there was a word for that.

Finally, the sound of a portal opening was heard and you looked at the time one last time, it was an hour after promised, before you proceeded to stomp into the living room where the portal closed again a second after. Rick was smiling widely at you, wagging his brow but as soon as he saw the look upon your face, the smugness on his face faded.

“Where have you been?” You hissed, feeling as if the whole room shook every time you took a step towards him. The worst part was that a voice inside of your head kept telling you that you were overreacting but somehow the much hornier and affection-craving part of you shoved it away and into the very back.

Rick looked surprised at your attitude, “I-I had to fix something, didn’t take th-thaaat long.”

“Are you kidding? I’ve been waiting here an hour!” You still complained, going on and on about Rick and his irresponsibleness, your voice getting higher and louder with each word. When your voice reached a certain frequence, Rick reached up to cover your mouth with his hand, muffling your words.

“My God , only dogs will be a-able to hear that voice of yours soo-on,” he said, pulling out his portal gun as he still held onto your face. He pushed the button and you had to close your eyes as the green light flashed before your eyes, making you whimper. It was rare that he let you come along with him, so immediately you tensed up as you tried to escape the thought that he might just leave again to get away from your outburst.

Though in the next moment, you were dragged through the portal and green surrounded you briefly before you entered an unfamiliar place. You blinked a few times to get used to the dimly lit room, and just as you were about to ask for Rick to turn on the lights, it hit you that there was candles everywhere.

“What is this place? Where are we?” You asked, letting go of him to glance around the room. Guilt washed over you when you realised why Rick had been late, he had prepared all this for you! Cheesy candle light, cheesy rose petals, which he luckily had not arranged in a cheesy heart, and red wine. Hell, he had even gotten a place like this; you went to look out the window, wanting to know where the two of you were.

You were pretty high up, in the top of a tree in fact, and the whole place seemed to be some sort of treehouse with boughs and branches coming in through cracks in the floorboards and the wooden walls. Around the small house were tall trees standing neatly packed, containing dozens of other houses in their crowns with people inside of them buzzing around, and if you stood on the tips of your toes, you could see a beach in the horizon. This was some kind of village? Rick interrupted your train of thought.

“Birdperson’s summer house, w-well, summer treehouse. H-he lend it to me for a few days, if-if-if you want to stay,” Rick sounded nervous as you glanced out the window with wonder but you weren’t surprised. This was so unlike him but you were happy that he had this side to him anyway, that he could be a cliché, cheesy and romantic bastard just for you, “W-w-was this what you wanted, baby?”

Whirling around, you quickly walked up to throw your arms around him, figuring that a hug would be much more indicative of what you thought of all this. You placed a soft kiss at the back of his ear, where your mouth rested mid-hug and Rick responded by wrapping his arms around your waist.

When you pulled back again, your arms slid up his chest to cup his face, “It’s perfect, Rick. This place is stunning… but there’s no actual nest, right?”

Rick laughed, pulling your bodies closer to each other, “No, no. It’s just y-you, me, wine and double bed which, may I add, i-is not being used right now.”

“Fuck the wine, I waited more than an hour, remember?” You leaned in, brushing your lips against his in what was close to a kiss, slow and sensual. It was in no way innocent though, it screamed for him to make a move, demanding passion and softness at the same time. He tasted of liquor like always when he finally kissed you but you loved it, it was him, and slowly you opened your mouth to let your tongue slide over his.

“F-fuck the wine,” he agreed when you both pulled away for air, bending his knees to be able to reach down and pull you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist, kissing him repeatedly and softly as he made his way to the king sized bed.

“And fuck me,” you giggled as he lay you down on your back. Immediately, you started stripping yourself from your blouse and jeans. You needed it all off. Now.

Rick tutted, showing no sign of rush as he started pulling his own clothes off, “Nah-ah-ah, princess. You said slow, right? L-let me take care of you first.”

“Oh right,” you felt a little embarrassed by your eagerness, reminding yourself not to let habit take over. Slow sex was rare these day so there was no logical reason to why one should fuck it up, “Sorry, baby.”

Rick kneeled between your legs when he pulled your underwear off with gentle movements, sliding your panties down your legs so slowly that you felt the hairs stand on your arms. You let out a soft sigh, looking to the side to distract yourself and your eyes fell upon a small bottle of massage oil, “Rick? What’s that?” You pointed.

Rick followed your gaze, “Tonight is about slow, y-yeah? I-I’ll get you ready for my cock reeeal slow tonight.”

A sexual massage, huh? You felt giddy, not having received a massage from him yet because you didn’t even know he was the kind of man, who wanted to do such a thing. He normally liked it rough, not slow and sensual but now you were getting a whole other side of him.

When you were finally naked, feeling cold air come in through the cracks in the small treehouse, you watched Rick reach for the oil and tell you to lie on your stomach. He squeezed a small amount onto his palm, rubbing both hands together to warm it up, “T-trust me on this, humans loooove this sort of thing.”

“Rick, you’re a human,” you said with a chuckle and then bit your lip in anticipation, sighing as his hands slowly ran up and down your right leg until he gave the left one the same treatment. His fingers were warm, kneading your thighs and switching between soft and rougher touches. He was good at it, you realised, and then he went further down your legs.

“Yes, and I-I-I love it,” he replied, watching you place your head on the bed as you started to relax before letting out another sigh of content. He squeezed your calves, thumbs pressing into the muscles along your legs till they reached your feet where they swirled to compress all the trigger points of your soles.

“Careful,” you murmured, flexing your toes and as you’d said it, you jerked, “Tickles!”

Rick stopped briefly and said nothing behind you, only let out a sound close to a laugh before going up your body again. He pressed his thumbs into the dimples of your back, on purpose avoiding your ass, before running his palms up and down your back. The oil made the friction perfect, not too slippery for it to be awkward but just perfect in the way his hands easily glided over your skin and your curves.

After working your shoulders to the point where you had almost fallen asleep, Rick was nearly done oiling up your entire back. He put a bit more oil on his hands before finally reaching down for your ass, palms cupping and forming your cheeks in his hands but the touch not quite lingering long enough to hold them properly like he would’ve done, if he wanted to grab your ass in public.

“You old fucker,” you shivered under his touch as he repeated the move, kneading your cheeks and switching between using his thumbs and his knuckles, “You’re obsessed with my ass, aren’t you?”

“Better get uuu-used to that,” he replied, a slightly slicker finger running over the cleft and making you gasp but instead of going in that direction, his finger slid further down and over the lips of your pussy, “H-humans, me included as you so nicely pointed out, have been obsessed with a well proportioned ass e-e-ever since the day we started walking on this Earth.”

You let out a sharp sound, moaning at the very hint of a touch between your legs. Though, Rick paid no more attention to your pussy than he had done with all the other parts of your body. It was frustrating and if you could, you would’ve glared at him.

“T-turn onto your back, baby,” Rick eventually decided and it was now the fun really began. His oiled up hands were placed on your hips until they ran up towards your navel, up your chest and then he cupped your breasts, pressing them together briefly before going back down and starting over.

Occasionally, he played with your nipples, running the pads of his fingers over them, pinching them, even leaning down to kiss around them or bite them. You were all for this sensation play, having never felt more ready for his cock but at the same time ready for more of this. There was no way Rick had not done his research on this because it seemed like he knew all the little things that made your mind go blank, and when he suddenly moved on the bed, you felt your stomach doing flips at the anticipation of what would happen next.

Rick placed himself above you, kneeling behind you so he could reach from the upside down. His hand ran down from your chest and towards your navel, and you were surprised at how different it felt given that he was just doing it from another angle. Then he finally did it, slid his hand down so his palm cupped your pubic bone and his long fingers dipped in between your folds, “Jeeesus, you’re wet.”

“I want your cock, please,” you heard yourself beg, spreading your legs for him but instead of obeying, Rick found your clit and gently rubbed in circles. You could feel how ready you were, your clit swollen and hard at his touch, which only made his stimulation even more intense, “Baby, please .”

“Patience, sweetheart,” Rick grumbled and leaned down over you, his cock hanging over your face as if allowing you a little of him. Immediately, you took him in your hand and stroked him completely hard. He hissed above you, spreading your lips and playing with you by pulling the hood of your clit back briefly and then let it cover you up again. It was unbearable, making you cry out and thrash on the bed. It was clear that he was enjoying this as much as you and it was even more clear that he was going to have you on the edge of coming before he was actually going to fuck you.

“I know, but I don’t have any patience,” you whined, pulling his hard cock down to your lips. You sucked the head of his prick into your mouth, making him nearly collapse in surprise but when he regained his composure, you stroked him whilst swirling your tongue around it.

“I-I-I can see- feel that,” he grunted, placing three fingers on your clit before rubbing quickly from side to side. You moaned around his cock, taking him further into your mouth and his generous size made you have to flatten your tongue.

It was perfect, the way you understood each other. Maybe a little too perfect because your need for an orgasm was so big but Rick knew how close you were just by looking at you, so when you were just about to be pushed over the edge of orgasm, he stopped. The first thing that came to you was to bite down on his cock but you quickly pushed the thought away again, letting out a long groan around his length instead.

“It’s now, baby, I-I really want to fuck you,” Rick said, removing his hands from you and, reluctantly it seemed, also pulling out of your mouth.

“I want you to fuck me,” you said softly, parting your legs as much as you could and watching him crawl to kneel between your legs, “So much, I want you inside me, baby.”

“Is your pussy mine?” He asked, reaching for a tuft of hair that was out of place. He brushed it behind your ear and leaned down to kiss your lips briefly and gently before straightening again.

“Yours, Rick,” you said, moaning as he took his cock in his hand and rubbed the tip between your folds, across your swollen clit. He carefully pressed against your glistening slit before finally sliding into you.

You winced at his girth, one that you would never get quite used to entering you. He was so big, stretching you open to the point where it ached unless he made you relax. He was gentle though, waiting for you to signal that it was alright before daring to move - at least tonight.

“I’m okay,” you finally said, reaching up to put your palms on his chest, “I’m ready.”

His first experimental thrusts made both of you groan, Rick going exceptionally slow with his hips. He had promised you slow sex and slow you were getting, his hips swirling and thrusting with such gentleness that the emotion in the air was overwhelming. It was intense but on a whole other level than what you would have gained from a rough quicky like you usually had, this was emotionally intense, a feeling that nearly caused tears to flood your eyes.

Rick fucked you open slowly, the massage definitely having an effect on how relaxed you were in so little time from feeling that first sting. You dug your nails into his chest and he leaned down to cover your mouth with his own, dragging the kiss on till you were both breathless.

When Rick wanted to straighten again, you shook your head and wrapped your arms around his back, pressing your noses together. He did not say anything, just nodded, knowing that you wanted to be as close to him as possible, share his breaths, study every little details of his face, count his eyelashes.

The new position did wonders, his pelvis aligning with your clit as he pushed into you. You moaned, arms still wrapped around his back but now with your nails digging into his shoulders, scraping them slightly as he rocked his hips a little faster, “I love you.”

“I know, sweetheart,” he whispered in reply, sounding out of breath. His eyelids were half-closed, mouth hanging slightly agape as he breathed heavily.

“Don’t Han Solo me, I love you so fucking much,” you groaned, pulling him down for another hot kiss that made your head swim.

“I love you too, baby,” Rick said against your mouth, thrusting hard just once to make the head of his cock slide over your g-spot. You saw stars, feeling much closer after that and pulled him even closer by wrapping your legs around his waist, so he could go even deeper.

“C-close, I’m so close, Rick,” you were panting fast, your heart racing even faster at the building sensation between your legs. Rick’s every thrust was creating the perfect friction against your clit and hitting your g-spot just right, causing your cunt to occasionally clench involuntarily around him but also signalling that you were about to come. You knew he was too, could hear it in the way he was breathing and the way his body was tensing up as he thrusted.

When you came, the beautiful surroundings disappeared around you and you could no longer focus on the stunning red roses, the candlelights’ flicker and the woodwork. There was only Rick, your amazing Rick, and the feeling of his cock inside of you and his final thrust against your clit that send you over the edge, making you let out a silent moan. You arched your back to show off for him, biting your lip and moaning through your teeth. The clenching around him was wonderful, and soon Rick let out a choked sound as he came as well, burying his cock inside of your still spasming cunt and you felt his come coating your inner walls; warm and impossible not to relish in. Your name was heard from his lips, a swear word following after he had said it so very slowly as if wanting to savour each letter by prolonging them. Your name had never sounded so wonderful followed by profanity, you thought to yourself as your legs fell down onto the mattress again.

With a hand on your chest, you tried getting your breathing under control once again because the relaxing wave of the aftermaths of a dopamine rush had not quite hit you yet but when it did, you thought you were going to pass out; your body was exhausted, both mentally and physically.

Rick pulled out of you, causing you to wince at the sudden emptiness but he soothed you by pressing soft kisses to your collarbone when he had laid down next to you. His hand came up to rest on your stomach, rubbing in circles. There was silence. Nothing needed to be said, all you did was close your eyes and listen to your own breathing as you enjoyed Rick’s caress.

It was when you felt Rick’s come run out of you that you broke the silence, crinkling your nose and opening your eyes again, “This isn’t even our bed.”

“D-don’t worry about that, he- Birdperson just said we h-had to clean up after ourselves,” Rick replied, looking up at you.

“I can’t even move right now,” you sighed loudly.

“Go to sleep, I-I’ll blow out the candles so we don’t burn his house down.”

You turned onto your side, closing your eyes with a smile, “Mhm… We can share that wine in the morning. I wanna stay here for a few days as you suggested.”

Rick placed a kiss on your hair, “Fine by me, baby. I need a break anyway.”