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There's a slight hesitation before he knocks on her door. Really, he doesn't know what he's doing there. She probably doesn't want to see anyone but her son after everything that she went through, but for some reason, there's a pit of worry sitting in his stomach that he knows won't disappear unless he sees her.
When she opens the door, the breath he doesn't know that he's holding in leaves him in a rush, almost like the wind's been knocked out him.
"Hey," he says, relief flooding him. Almost like he can't help himself, his eyes take in her figure. She looks a bit less rattled than when he last saw her, but he still can't help but feel concerned.
"How you doin?"
Olivia looks a bit surprised to see him standing at her front door. She can't look at him for too long, though, her eyes darting from the door to finally settling on him. It doesn't take her long before her words fill the space between them.
"You know, I honestly don't know how to answer that. I stay up all night watching him. If I hear a sound, I'm up," she murmurs, unsure of this paralyzing fear that's taken over her body ever since she's gotten Noah back. Like if she blinks, he would slip through her fingers again like sand.
Rafael looks her up and down again, her fear rolling off of her in waves to the point that he can feel his throat drying up and he has to swallow. Hard. Instead, he drinks all of Olivia in. He can't believe that she's still here, still standing, even though she could hardly breathe or think a few hours ago. Inconsolable. She looks shaken, though, and the pit in his stomach unfurls just the slightest when he realizes that she's allowed herself a kind of vulnerability with him with her confession.
"We went to the corner fruit stand and this woman said that Noah was cute and I practically bit her head off. But you didn't come over to listen to me talk about that." Olivia's last words trail off, finally realizing that she's told him too much. He has enough to deal with as it is – he doesn't need to add another set of worries to his proverbial plate.
A rush of air escapes from Rafael's nose, the smallest chuckle. "I came here to talk to my friend about whatever she wants to talk about."
Olivia's eyes search his, trying to find where he's kept so much kindness.
"Is she gonna ask me in?"
She lets out a small laugh. "Of course," she says, her eyes darting between him and the floor sheepishly.
Rafael moves with an assurance into her apartment, noticing the lights softly flickering, creating a warmth that's been missing for Liv since she lost Noah. His gray eyes take in the empty apartment, the echoing silence.
"Where's Noah?" Rafael's voice lowers, not wanting to break the spell. He walks over to the couch parallel to the kitchen island behind him. He hasn't been to Olivia's home often, but he's been there enough to recognize the layout of the place.
"He's sleeping. This is the first night he hasn't slept next to me and now I feel like I can't sleep without him." Olivia's lips curl into a small smile, reading the irony. She crosses into the apartment and makes her way to her kitchen, turning on the coffee maker.
"Do you want anything? Coffee? Tea? Water?" Olivia asks, clinking two mugs from the cabinets.
"Coffee's fine," Rafael replies, slipping out of his coat to reveal his casual sweater and jeans ensemble underneath.
A few minutes after the machine goes off, Olivia comes back into the living room and hands one of the mugs to him, keeping the other one - an old gift from Nick given to her a few Christmases ago - secured between her intertwined fingers. Her hands are so icy that they could belong to the dead. The thought of it unnerves her.
"I didn't know you had anything other than gray suits in your closet," Olivia teases him, trying to lessen the pressure the atmosphere seems to have taken on.
Rafael smiles in response, welcoming the banter. "It might surprise you, but I do other things besides handling cases."
"Other things? I thought you were born yelling at the doctor to strike your crying from the record." Olivia took a sip of her coffee, savoring the sense of normalcy that Rafael seemed to bring to her.
When he let out a rumbling laugh, Olivia could feel a heat rush up her neck. "Very funny. I'll have you know that besides being an A.D.A., I like taking long walks on the beach and checking in on people I care about." The pressure that was weighing in on the room hadn't dissipated completely, but it was a lot more bearable. Comforting, almost.
Olivia releases the breath she didn't know she was holding and leans forward, bringing her elbows to rest on her knees. She places her mug on the coffee table in front of her but doesn't let go of it.
She looks up at him, her eyes searching his. There's something she can't pinpoint in them, but she knows for a fact that they don't make her feel unsafe. "It feels strange, saying it out loud. I never felt so lost in my entire life. Like a part of me detached itself and I was never going to get it back," she finally says to him, her voice lowering a decibel on the last few words.
Someone who hasn't worked with Olivia long enough wouldn't have noticed the slight difference her posture, how it straightens up a fraction as her muscles lock in place. How her eyes refuse to look at anything for longer than three seconds, her mind making sure that the walls surrounding her aren't caving in on her. No one who hasn't been with her close proximity wouldn't have noticed those nuances.
But Rafael did.
Just like when he went into Olivia's office, trying to calm her down as she paced around and sobbed like a wounded animal, Rafael inched towards her, his hand brushing her hair back as lightly as a moth's wing.
"But he's here now," he reassured her, gesturing in the direction of Noah's room, his snores audible.
"I know that, I know that. But it's like my body doesn't. It wants to keep looking for him, for Noah, and I don't know what else to do." She finally lets go of her mug and shuffles her hands anxiously in her lap.
Rafael doesn't hesitate in taking her hands in his, letting his warmth seep into her veins. Olivia looks up at him, giving him that same look that she gave him at the door. Like she’s trying to find the source of all his kindness.
"You just have to breathe, Liv. One day at a time." He looks between her eyes to her lips. He tentatively brushes a stray lock of ochre hair from her cheek, his thumb and knuckles straying to her skin. His fingers skate to her lips and he feels himself leaning towards her with the intention to absorb her stress. And offer her a breath of respite in return.
"Rafa," she exhales, his mouth ghosting over her own.
Olivia closes the distance between them, the kiss so chaste but it fills both of them with an aching sense of yearning. That the person sitting across from them would anchor them against any storm.
They parted and kissed again.
And again.
His hands tangled in her hair and they were drowning.