Work Text:
Kylo poked the fire disconsolately, sending a shower of sparks into the frosty night. Another forest, another snowy night, just a few jumps away from interstellar glory… or whatever mission Rey was on this time. He was determined to find her but damn, his fighter didn’t get very far. And he’d picked a location on this remote world that would provide some basics for supply, but why did it always have to be snowing?
As he poked broodingly at the fire, a low voice called out, “Well met, traveler.” He jerked up at the sound of the voice: he’d picked a remote location for good reason. There before him, having silently glided into the light of the fire, was a tall, slender but solid built man with long flowing blond hair and very pointed ears. What held Kylo’s attention though were the array of simple weapons casually draped across the fellow which looked positively deadly in the way no lightsaber ever could.
*****
Lady Galadriel had summoned Haldir to her garden before he departed to the marches. His awkward departure from Kalî was still fresh in his mind, and the Lady being a seer made him sweat with nerves at the possible reasons for a private meeting.
She knows. You’ll never be enough for a princess.
Haldir’s personal demon was silenced at once by the Lady’s voice beckoning him into the garden near her scrying pool.
“Look in, marchwarden. What do you see?”
Haldir was shocked. A man, clad in trappings similar to a Corsair, was inexpertly building a campfire. He appeared to be no more than a youth.
Had he been sent after Kalî?
Haldir looked at Lady Galadriel, his eyebrow arched in concern as he voiced the question, “A Corsair?”
Galadriel hesitated, then passed her hand over the pool, showing a strange, large shining object. The young man approached the object and climbed inside, coming out after a moment with a pack.
“He arrived under the cover of the magic of these woods, Haldir. Otherwise he may not have lived this long.” Galadriel had Haldir’s full attention and continued urgently, “This man possesses a magic the likes of which I have never felt. The danger is great, but I must know if he remains in the light, or has been tainted by the dark.”
Haldir nodded, fully understanding. He had completed many secret missions before and knew the best approach would be as a friend.
*****
As the newcomer approached the fire, Kylo stood on guard, his lightsaber in hand but not activated. The man approached with his palms outstretched and Kylo relaxed slightly. Still he remained on guard.
He spoke again, “Welcome to Lórien, traveler. What business brings you to my realm?”
Kylo concentrated hard on the words, they were familiar but in a dialect hard to piece together.
Finally, he worked out, “I’m here for supplies, I’ll be gone in the morning.”
Haldir’s eyebrows raised in curiosity. The man had understood his greeting which was interesting. He gestured at the fire, “May I sit?”
Kylo nodded and they sat, cautiously eyeing each other.
Haldir saw this man was going to be tough to open up, and it would appear his time was short.
“I am the warden of these parts, what supplies do you need?”
Kylo just poked the fire again, “Never mind, I’ve got what I need. Like I said I’ll be gone in the morning.”
Haldir reached for a new angle. “Very well then, traveler… but this is not your name. What shall I call you?”
“If you must… call me Kylo Ren.”
Something in the shift of his posture when he said it made Haldir feel as though the man was almost asking permission to call himself that. Nevertheless, he had spoken and this was a good opening.
“Very well, I am Haldir. Are you… warm enough? This fire…” he gestured to the dying jumble of sticks and looked at Kylo questioningly.
Kylo shrugged sullenly, preferring Haldir simply disappear back to the woods he had appeared from.
Haldir picked up each cue expertly. This man was going to be a tough nut to crack, but he had his mission. Kneeling casually before the dying embers, Haldir expertly repositioned the logs, blew into its base, and soon had a roaring fire.
Kylo watched him stand again, hoping he would leave, and yet feeling vaguely grateful when Haldir sat back again in his previous spot.
Haldir racked his brain for an opening, seeing Kylo retreat once again into himself.
“Are you warm enough now?”
Kylo glanced up, shocked at the voice. He was so unused to people interrupting his thoughts.
“Yes… thanks” he admitted grudgingly.
“Have you any food?”
“I… have rations…” Kylo glanced back in the wood toward his parked ship. No way was he eating that dried crap right now, he’d wait till he was good and hungry.
“Try some lembas bread,” Haldir said softly, holding out a small packet of wrapped up leaves. “It is nourishing and I find it to be delicious.”
Kylo took the packet, eyeing Haldir warily.
“You needn’t be on guard, you are under the protection of the Lady of Lorien. You are safe while you remain under her magic.”
If anything, the mention of magic made Kylo even more tense. Clearly not a good approach, even disguised as it was speaking of Galadriel.
“Tell me then, what brings you here, aside from provisions?”
Kylo glanced sideways at Haldir. Breaking off a bit of lembas bread, he thought carefully about his answer. Did he dare risk talking to anyone? And yet this stranger clearly wasn't going into space anytime soon. What harm was there? Still he did not get where he was by being overly trusting.
“Who is asking?” Kylo asked warily, popping the bit of lembas bread in his mouth casually. His eyes popped open in surprise as the flavor hit him and he looked down suddenly at the packet in his hand. When he looked up, Haldir had a knowing smile in his face.
“It is good isn’t it? As for who, my lady would like me to know who her guest is… however the question is my own.”
Kylo watched Haldir carefully as he slowly chewed, remaining silent for a moment even after swallowing. He knew there was likely no danger in speaking to this unusual man, but it was difficult to allow himself the freedom.
He frowned, “I’m searching for someone.”
Haldir tilted his head curiously, “And whom might that be, Kylo Ren?”
“No one from this world.” Kylo said harshly, though he looked almost apologetic as he took another bite of the bread.
Haldir was watching Kylo very carefully. He was defensive, clearly protective or even possessive of the person he sought. And Kylo was searching. Not looking for, as one would an enemy, or seeking, as one would a stranger. These were just words, and deducing the significance of the selection was a risk, but Haldir took it.
“What is her name?” He asked softly, his own her still a tender thought in his heart and mind.
Kylo’s eyes snapped to Haldir in surprise, and he immediately flinched, cursing himself for being so obvious.
He looked sourly across the fire, “What does it matter? She isn’t here.”
Haldir shrugged, “Here. Not here. In your thoughts is presence enough.”
He looked expectantly across the flames at the young man, who was glaring back through his shaggy black hair, fallen across his face. As abrasive as this fellow seemed, Haldir thought, his face betrayed every emotion that crossed him.
“It’s… complicated.” Kylo muttered reluctantly, pawing at his cloak distractedly.
Haldir sighed, frowning, “This condition must be universal.”
Kylo looked at him then, his brow furrowed before he straightened and leaned his head back in understanding.
Haldir turned his eyes to the fire, his mouth a thin line. After a heavy pause, he brought his hand to his chest, loosening the belt of his quiver and shrugging it off. He let it fall into the snow with a whump.
The two sat in silence for a moment, neither wanting to give themselves away anymore than they both already had.
Much to his own surprise, Kylo spoke, “Rey is… my equal. My opposite. In every way.”
Haldir gave him his attention, but remained silent.
“I need her. And I don’t know why, I’ve never needed anyone. I don’t know what I will do if I can’t find her. I’ve been lost my entire life, and this is the most desperate I’ve ever felt.”
He was practically whispering, but Haldir could keenly hear every word, though it was still difficult to follow what Kylo was talking about. He could see how difficult it was for Kylo to even be speaking on the subject, so Haldir opted not to press, letting the conversation unfold as it would.
“I don’t know if she would accept me, but I have to find her. To try to make her understand why…” his voice trailed off. Haldir got the sense that this Kylo Ren must have done or said something quite stupid to his female. Rey. A pang in his chest reminded Haldir that he was hardly one to judge.
Haldir sighed softly, “I do wish I had words to encourage you, friend. To tell you that what was meant to be will be, that if she loves you, she will forgive you any trespass. That you seem like a worthy man, and surely she has seen this in you. But this would make me quite the hypocrite, and the thought sours my stomach.”
“I’m not worthy. Not of her. But she is the only thing in this universe that could make me feel as much. I’m not a good man, Haldir. I have done dark and terrible things. I’ve fought against myself and this… shadow in my mind for as long as I can remember. Rey… her light is blinding. It can chase away the shadows… She’s the only hope I have.”
Kylo looked miserably into the fire. Clearly at odds with himself for even having these feelings, let alone giving them voice.
Haldir did not know what magic Galadriel sensed in him, but it was becoming clearer that her fears of this man’s darkness were founded, but his conflict could be the making or breaking of him.
He watched Kylo take one last bite of lembas before awkwardly attempting to wrap it back up in the Mallorn leaves. Kylo reached a long arm across to Haldir, in an effort to return the bread.
Haldir held up his hand, shaking his head.
“Keep it, please. You are a guest, and I have plenty.”
Kylo’s expression twisted uncomfortably, unused to generosity in any form. Reluctantly, he eased back and placed the parcel into the pack at his feet. He gave Haldir a grateful nod.
Kylo looked his companion over for a moment after zipping his pack shut. He’d seen thousands of different races throughout the galaxy, but he’d never been to this planet before. He assumed, based on Haldir’s primitive weapons and his attire, that whomever inhabited this world weren’t capable of interplanetary travel.
What he did know was that the Force was strong here, he felt it everywhere. Strong and strange. It was a different feeling than he’d experienced before.
“What are you?” Kylo suddenly asked.
Haldir blinked at him curiously.
“What am I? I am a marchwarden.”
“I mean, what is your species? Your race?”
“I am an elf.” Haldir answered somewhat bewildered.
“Is this planet populated only with elfs?” Kylo asked, interested.
“Elves. And no, Middle-Earth is home to a great many peoples. Men, dwarves, halflings, orcs, goblins…”
“Middle-Earth, that’s what you call your world?”
“That is what I call this part of the world, yes. Beyond the sea there are other lands. But for most of the people here, this is their whole and only world.”
Kylo opted not to get into a discussion about starships and hyperspeed, the few questions he’d asked seemed enough to confuse his companion.
Still, Kylo decided it was only fair to make a passing attempt at continuing the conversation since Haldir seemed to be so keen. Finally, he decided to inquire about the lady of Lorien that his new companion was so hung up on.
“So, your lady protects this area with her magic then?”
“She does. The lady’s magic is quite powerful.”
“And you struggle with your feelings for her? She doesn’t see your worth? Sorry for prying Haldir but you seem like a capable guy. I don’t know what a marchwarden is, but if it’s anything like the generals I’ve fought with, a Jedi would be lucky to have you on their side”
Haldir was stunned speechless by this comment. While he had no idea what a Jedi was, and was interested in hearing more about these seemingly magical warriors, he first rushed to correct Kylo’s assumptions about his feelings.
Haldir held up his hand, “Please friend, stop! I am afraid you misunderstand. The Lady Galadriel, while fair and just, is not the object of my… affection.” He sighed, “It is her niece, Kalî.”
Kylo remained silent, but gave Haldir an encouraging nod.
“She… is like no other. She’s lived in the world of Men her entire life. Centuries of violence and struggle, and she somehow remained good. She is as much an outcast as I and yet… I refuse her. Deny myself the affection she feels, or felt.” He shook his head wearily, “With my own fears and insecurities I much abused her faith. As I understand it, she is now being courted by the prince of Mirkwood. It’s just as well, I gave her no reason to wait for me.”
Kylo felt badly for Haldir. While he had managed to royally kriff up his blooming friendship with Rey, who was now ignoring him whenever their Force bond connected them, he at least hadn’t forced himself to deny his feelings for her. He didn’t understand why Haldir felt the need to do this, and the atmosphere of their accord had become more comfortable as they spoke, so Kylo decided to ask.
“Why would you do that? If she felt for you & you for her? Why would you push her away?” Kylo was genuinely interested, because he could not imagine a scenario now where he would even consider doing the same.
Haldir frowned, “I do not expect an outworlder to understand, but I… do not think highly of myself, nor have others thought much of me throughout my long life. When I realized Kalî felt for me, I panicked. Believing she would waste her life if she tried to make one with me. That I did not deserve her. I felt it was best to let her go while she was still free to bond with another.”
“Isn’t that her decision? I am fully aware that I’m not worthy or deserving of Rey, but if she wanted me, by god I would not deny her. That is her choice. It is the worth that she sees in you that matters, that will help you to see the worth you fail to see within yourself.”
As he spoke, sounding for all the world like his mother, Kylo felt a pang of longing in his heart. Not just for Rey, but for his mother and even worse, his father.
Haldir was looking very sadly at Kylo as the truth of his words struck him, turning his guts to stone.
Kylo was looking just as forlornly across the fire, as his own regrets hung on him like a yoke.
“Of course, you are right. But I have been, and may forever be a fool. I seem to be cursed to chase away all hope for myself as my ghosts ever haunt me.” Haldir smiled weakly.
“And believe me, I do understand.” Kylo added softly. “Rey and I were enemies. There was a time when I believed I wanted nothing more than to shroud her in darkness, snuff out her light… it did not take much for me to see the error of that. The impossibility. When our bond began…” he paused, searching for a way to describe it to Haldir, “we can communicate across a great distance through our minds-“
“Lady Galadriel has this ability, I understand.”
Kylo nodded, wanting to learn more about this Galadriel, but continued,
“We grew closer. I realized how much she and I shared, how she struggled throughout her life, but unlike me was never tainted by the dark side. I envied her. Admired her. Wanted… to be bathed in her light. But I didn’t understand then, that it wasn’t enough to just want that. I have to prove myself to her, to show her I want peace and balance, how badly I need her in order to achieve it. She was right to reject me. But I will not give up. Without her, I am just a monster.”
Haldir was taken aback, but felt sure of the truth in Kylo’s words. Galadriel would be most heartened indeed to know this man, whoever he was, wanted to redeem himself and escape from whatever darkness lay within him.
“If you want this woman, Haldir, you need to hear from her own lips that she doesn’t want you before you resign yourself. There’s nothing absolute otherwise. Hers is the final word, do you understand?”
Kylo’s voice had become heavy with conviction, feeling overwhelmed by the emotions he was allowing himself to feel and express, and wanting very much to help this elf, if he could.
*****
The conversation had dwindled, along with the fire, and Kylo appeared content to sit morosely and stare at it. It pained Haldir to see the young man this way and though he was at a loss for further advice, he struggled with something to say to bring Kylo out of his gloom. The thought stuck a sudden funny chord as it reminded of his own younger brothers vain attempts to break him out of his own gloom.
He sat up suddenly, alert and with one hand raised to alert Kylo as well. After a moment, he whispered, “Do you hear that?”
Kylo waited, listening as well and finally shook his head.
Haldir continued, “It is calling so faintly… here, by my side!”
He looked down and opened the bag at his side and pulled out a flask of wine.
“The spirits Kylo, they call. Do you hear them?”
The awkward banter was so out of place for the moment, Kylo could only stare, but Haldir seemed so earnest, finally Kylo chuckled with him as Haldir opened the flask. He took a small pull of the wine, then offered it to Kylo. He took a small, hesitant sip, but much the same as when he tasted the lembas bread, it was far more pleasant than he expected.
“This is quite good! What is it called?”
“Ah my friend, you are in for a treat. This wine comes from the Dorwinion vineyards. It is meant for the King’s feasts, but he sends some down to Lord Celeborn, who takes a rather broader view of who is deserving of what.”
Kylo passed the flask back to Haldir with thanks after a small sip but when Haldir took another, slightly longer drink and offered it back, he understood. Perhaps not a contest, but certainly a game. Kylo figured he could hold on to his wits with this small flask between the two of them.
Spirits did not effect elves near as much as men, so in a way it was a dirty trick, but Haldir wanted Kylo to loosen up a bit, drop his guard, and ease his burden to Haldir. Obviously prying questions weren’t going to get him far, but Kylo seemed to want to open up.
He was rewarded with his efforts a short time later as Kylo suddenly snapped up his head intently staring at Haldir. His face bore a look of determined concentration but his eyes were focused at a point just over Haldir’s left shoulder.
“You…” Kylo began slowly, clearly struggling to push the concept out, “you ARE beautiful… man!”
Haldir was puzzled and his face clearly showed it as Kylo stumbled through the next few sentences in a hurry. “I dunno what these guys… these Elfs… got against you… but if I had your hair, I’d brush it all day!” He leaned forward intently, “do you even know what you look like? You’re a Rey… ray of sushninnn… sush… sun light!”
Haldir finally figured out what his companion was saying and broke out in laughter. This made Kylo smile and sit back again, remembering the flask at his hand. “You want some more?” He offered it back. Haldir took the flask but set it beside him carefully. The alcohol was clearly quite potent to an off-worlder, Kylo was clearly going to have a late start tomorrow as it was, the wine of Dorwinion led to deep and pleasant dreams.
“Of course my friend I know what I look like and I thank you for your compliments… as for my hair, I do indeed brush it everyday…” he looked askance at Kylo’s hair, men had far different standards to appearance but he would not say anything for fear of insulting the young man. Still, he had a brush in his pack as normal, and if the conversation went that direction…
“You know what we should do?” Kylo leaned conspiratorially toward him again, “you should let me do your hair. I can make… perty… pritty braids!” He laughed again as though this was the funniest thing in the world. Haldir’s eyes sparkled at the idea. It had been a few decades since his brothers had all sat around doing one another’s hair. They were all very busy on the marches, granted, but something about their mother leaving for the West and eroded that bond the tiniest bit. He pulled out his brush and handed it to a slightly shocked Kylo, turning around and sitting in front of the young man.
“In court,” Haldir told him, by way of getting a conversation going, “the nobles often have the most elaborate hairstyles, and often young elves will mimic these styles together.”
Kylo eyed the hair tie in confusion. “Well this is gonna have to go,” he muttered. He struggled a moment with it before slipping it free. Then, slowly inch by inch he covered Haldir’s Head with tiny braids. In the end, the marchwarden looked not unlike a hedgehog, but Kylo in his stupor beamed with pride. “Just look at yourself!” He gushed, pulling out a small hand mirror from his pack.
Haldir gasped in shock. Not at the hair which he’d seen done by elven children when they were small, but at the tiny mirror. He turned it over and over, admiring its workmanship. “This is stunning!”
“What you never seen a mirror before?” chortled Kylo at Haldir’s awe.
“Oh I have seen mirrors, of course.” Came Haldir’s response, “any self respecting noble has a hand mirror of polished metal… but this, this is like Lady Galadriel’s pool mirror in hand!”
“Well… I dunno bout a pool… it’s made of glass and plasteel… why don’t you keep it, Haldir?”
Haldir gasped at the gift. He turned, beaming to face his inebriated friend. “Please allow me to return the favor!” He meant to give Kylo something as well, but Kylo chuckled and handed Haldir his brush.
“I’m sure you could make me look beautiful too!” He shifted to land on the ground by Haldir and shouldered him, shoving the elf over slightly, a grin plastered on his face. Haldir playfully shoved him back before taking a seat behind Kylo. Kylo looked around, confused for a moment, then spotting the flask, took another swig.
“This stuff is really good, buddy!” He slurred. Haldir gently took the flask from him and turned his head back toward the campfire.
“Just sit still now, you’ll look as handsome as any elf when I am finished.” Haldir smoothed Kylo’s raven curls, deciding on a good style for his short tresses. As he began working, he was surprised to hear a stifled sob come from the young man. “Did I pull?” He asked in surprise, for he was very gentle and there weren’t actually any tangles in Kylo’s hair. But Kylo shook his head no.
“The last time anyone… my mom… my mother used to brush my hair…” his words struggled out through inebriation and grief.
“Shall I stop?” Haldir asked quietly, resting his hand on Kylo’s shoulder.
“No,” Kylo sighed, “It’s good to finally have a friend. You’re my friend, Haldir.”
Haldir pulled Kylo’s hair into something classic but simple since he figured the young man would want to take it out soon enough. As he showed Kylo his style in the mirror, he reflected on Kali’s raven locks and the intricate styled she had them in when they had met. The two weren’t far different, and he said as much to Kylo.
“You both have had darkness in your past, but are striving toward the light, you should take heart. If she can have a good, whole and pure soul despite her past then you can achieve the same.”
Kylo’s eyes sparkled with mischief. “Does your Kali have sword skills like us, though?”
A flash of her nonchalance with her dagger sprang to mind and Haldir’s laugh rang out through the night once again. “Kali could take on my marchwardens before breakfast!”
Kylo’s eyes lit on the quiver Haldir had dropped rather unceremoniously at his side. Gesturing toward it he asked, “Do all wardens travel armed with these?”
Haldir’s eyes lit up, recognizing an opening. “Elves are taught the art of archery as well as sword fighting from a young age. Do you also carry arms…?” He glanced meaningfully at the cloak which was thrown back over Kylo’s shoulder. It didn’t appear the young man had come armed with other than a small metal tube of some sort. It looked more like a scroll case.
Kylo glanced at his lightsaber for a moment but dodged the question asking another of his own, “Do you make your own weapons as well?”
Haldir’s laugh rang out through the woods, “Not all elves are expert blacksmiths, my strange friend! However, many of us make our own bows and arrows… some rather better than others.” He grinned, thinking of Orophin’s early attempts and casually unslung his own bow, handing it across to Kylo.
The workmanship was rather exquisite for a primitive weapon, but Kylo was rather unfamiliar with it and managed to whack himself with the string before Haldir showed him how to sight it. The flask soon dwindled as the two laughed over stories of training young warriors in martial arts.
Kylo asked about the fine blade Haldir was wearing and was rewarded by being handed the weapon. Haldir was careful to point out how to grip it and draw it without harm, though it appeared Kylo had little need for instruction of this kind.
While he examined the beautiful blade, Haldir asked again about Kylo’s own arms and was surprised when the young man handed him the strange scroll tube.
“But what does it do?” He asked. Kylo pointed out the button to activate the lightsaber. “When you press this, the blade extends. It is made of pure energy.” He glanced down to properly sheath the sword when he realized with a shock which end of the lightsaber Haldir had pointed at himself.
The world stopped momentarily and before he even glanced up, Kylo’s hand shot out with the force pulling the lightsaber up and away from the marchwarden’s face just as the blade extended, neatly slicing off the braid in front of Haldir’s eyes.
They both watched, immobile as the braid floated down to the ground in front of Haldir.
“I probably should not be handing out my lightsaber when I’m drinking.” Kylo intoned, then Haldir’s laugh rang out once again through the woods, this time joined by the much deeper one of Kylo.
*****
Haldir reverently handed Kylo’s weapon back to him, asking in wonder, “Is this some magic? I see this is a sensitive subject for you…” he hoped that the deadly tube sword would be a safe opening to the topic.
Kylo glared at the offending item in his hand for a moment before standing and activating it properly, facing away from Haldir. “It is called a lightsaber.” Haldir nodded understanding. The words together made a kind of sense. Kylo slowly and carefully went through a beginning training session for a Jedi, describing the practice and the essence of the Force as well as martial training as he went through a very basic set of exercise moves with the deadly looking weapon.
When he had finished the exercise, he glared at the lightsaber again and shoved it into the holster at his side.
“This stupid thing has cost me my entire life and may yet cost my future.”
His head and shoulders dropped in exhaustion. The alcohol had been such a bad idea… now he would have to start all over again, and this time he had been so close!
Landing on his knees in defeat near the log where they’d just been braiding each others hair, Kylo spotted the braid Haldir had left casually, apparently expecting to toss it into the fire or leave it to decay naturally. He picked it up and felt the soft tresses, then tucked it into his sleeve. He wasn’t hiding his actions from Haldir who was watching this man with some alarm struggle with his inner demon.
“Perhaps you should rest now, my friend. You will have pleasant dreams and awake refreshed.” But Kylo groaned and shook his head in defeat, clinging to Haldir as the marchwarden pulled him to his feet.
Haldir guided him to a tree with a wooden platform built in it. Dazed by the effects of the alcohol coupled with flying for the last three days, he stumbled his way with Haldir guiding him to a soft place to lay down. The marchwarden thought better of putting him up in a tree despite the safety, and reassured the man he would watch out for him tonight.
As Kylo drifted off to sleep, he reflected sadly that he would likely never see Haldir again. “I’ve come so far my friend,” he groaned “I do not think I will come this way again, as much as it would please me to meet you again.”
It was good - and strange - to make a friend. It was sad to think that Haldir would not remember him in the morning, that none of this will have ever happened. Perhaps it was for the best, and yet...
“Haldir,” he whispered, fighting his sleep. The marchwarden leaned over to hear him.
“Ben. My name is Ben.”
*****
Ben’s eyes shot open, startled awake by the alarm that sounded throughout the Finalizer, announcing its approach to Starkiller Base. Somehow, the last few events were fuzzy, out of sync. He’d had unusual dreams; not of Rey, or his uncle’s betrayal, nor of his grandfather, but a strange, backwater planet with no technology, and a charming Elf who had braided his hair… something tickled his wrist and he stared down in wonder at the fine gold braid singed at one end.
“Farewell friend, perhaps our paths will cross again.” He tucked the braid back under his sleeve and pulled his glove on over it.