Chapter Text
The first time Dazai showed up at Chuuya’s door, it got slammed in his face.
--*--*--
The incessant ringing of Chuuya’s doorbell woke him up and he jolted up off his couch and started to the door. He grabbed the handle and opened it as far as the chain lock will allow. “I was coming what the hell d-” Chuuya cut himself off when he saw Dazai. He narrowed his eyes into a glare.
“Hello Chuuya!” The door was immediately closed without another word that didn’t stop the talking though. “Oh, come on Chuuya! Is that anyway to treat an old friend?” Chuuya glared at the door with his arms folded over his chest. Already, Chuuya regretted letting Dazai go. If he’d known that he’d have to deal with him so soon afterwards, he would’ve tried to find a way to keep Dazai locked in that basement. Dazai was still talking. “I only came over to hang out, what could it hurt Chuuya?” Lots of things. It could hurt lots of things and Chuuya couldn’t think of a reason good enough to let that man into his apartment.
“That’s a lie and we both know it, if Mori found out that I was socializing with a traitor…” Chuuya didn’t really want to continue. The list of things that could happen was a long one. Dazai was quiet on the other side of the door and Chuuya wondered if he’d given up. That would be for the best, but there was a sigh before the man spoke up again.
“I promise that Mori won’t find out and I only want to catch up, I probably won’t be around for longer than a half-hour.” Chuuya stood there thinking for a moment before he finally relented. Dazai heard the chain lock shift and watched as Chuuya opened the door. Dazai grinned and walked in. Chuuya shot out his arm to block his entrance past the threshold. The shorter man looked pointedly at Dazai’s shoes. He looked down and toed them off. Chuuya lowered his arm so that Dazai could walk over to the island in the kitchen and sit in one of the bar stools. Chuuya closed the front door. He looked the man in front of him over and couldn’t help but notice the stark contrast from how he looked before. Of course, he’d also noticed it in the Mafia’s dungeon, but this time his mind was less clouded by rage. The brighter jacket, the blue-green bolo tie, the light blue shirt that looked white from most angles. Chuuya walked past the island, and Dazai, into the kitchen. He was grinning blankly and it made Chuuya irritable.
“Do you want something to drink? I have coffee, tea, orange juice, and water” Chuuya paused. “And wine.” Chuuya wasn’t sure if that was a good idea but it felt more natural than the other options, it was reminiscent of when they’d used to drink together after missions. Dazai’s grin didn’t fade but it changed minutely, his eyes crinkled a little more around the edges and Chuuya wondered what could have caused that reaction.
“What, no scotch? How disappointing” Chuuya tried not to show any emotion on his face or in his body language. He didn’t want Dazai to know that he did have scotch, an unopened bottle of it. A four-year-old bottle that, when Dazai had first left, Chuuya had bought foolishly. When he’d foolishly thought Dazai might come back, when he’d foolishly wanted to have a homecoming gift for his friend. He hadn’t wanted to throw it away, because it had been an expensive bottle, at least that’s what Chuuya told himself but he knew that wasn’t the only reason. Dazai just kept going so Chuuya hoped that meant he had succeeded in keeping a blank face. “I’d like a coffee then, please.” The please was tacked on as an afterthought, but it was one that Dazai never used to have. He used to just ask for something and expect it to be given. Or even worse, he would just take what he wanted and not ask for forgiveness later.
“You know I hate that disgusting excuse for alcohol” Chuuya commented as he walked over to the coffee pot and started filling it with water from the sink. When Dazai didn’t reply with anything other than a hum Chuuya looked over his shoulder at him. Dazai was leaning forward, propping his chin up on the back his hand. He looked relaxed and Chuuya wondered if that was real or not. He used to argue whenever Chuuya made a comment like that one, he used to mock Chuuya for his pampered taste, and say that the shorter man would never be a real man if he never drank real liquor. Chuuya finished setting up the coffee to steep and turned around to lean against the kitchen counter.
“You’re being unusually quiet Dazai” The redhead narrowed his eyes. “What are you plotting?” Dazai gasped and moved his hand from under his chin to over his chest.
“How Rude! Can’t a guy just visit his partner?” Ex-partner, Chuuya’s mind supplied. It made him wonder if there was a reason for him to say it that way.
“Maybe a normal person could, but not you, I’ve never known you to do anything normal without having a reason behind it” The coffee machine beeped and Chuuya turned around and grabbed two mugs from the cabinet above, having to stand on his tip-toes to do so. He heard an amused snort and he set the mugs down to shoot Dazai a glare.
“How could such a short person know if I’m normal or not?” Dazai inquired and Chuuya rolled his eyes and started filling the mugs with coffee. “Besides, I’ve changed a lot since I left.” He said that statement more quietly than the previous and Chuuya paused after he set the coffee pot back down. Part of him knew that it was true, at the very least, Dazai carried himself differently. He seemed to have less things making him drag his feet, maybe the ADA had helped lift some of the burdens that he had gotten at the Mafia.
“Do you still take your coffee the same? Or did that change too?” Chuuya snapped back, not viciously, just quickly. Like he was trying to veer away from this topic.
“No, it’s still the same, have you?” Dazai starred at Chuuya and wondered if he would answer the question. The shorter man’s clothes were rumpled and Dazai knew that Chuuya had probably pulled an all-nighter. He’d always done that, even when he didn’t have to, he would work himself to the bone. Dazai couldn’t understand that sentiment.
Chuuya frowned as he pulled the creamer from the fridge. Why did that matter? Chuuya was the one preparing the coffee. Chuuya brought the coffee over to the island counter, he passed his guest their cup, and neither of them commented on the fact that Chuuya still remembered Dazai’s coffee order by heart. Chuuya sipped his coffee slowly. “I’ve started putting less sugar in my coffee than I used too.” The taller man grinned and took a drink of his own coffee.
“I meant have you’ve changed” Chuuya blinked and frowned. Had he? Obviously, he’d become less childish, they weren’t teenagers anymore. Other than that? Chuuya wasn’t sure, he’d never really thought about it. If Dazai had thought about it then maybe he should as well. He shrugged and took another drink of his coffee.
“How do you know if you’ve changed?” Chuuya countered. Dazai looked down at his cup blankly for a moment.
“Because I need to, if I don’t then this will all be for nothing” Dazai snapped his head up to look at Chuuya. “So how much trouble did you get in when I escaped?” He asked happily. Chuuya could see the darkness in his ex-partner’s eyes though.
“Not nearly as much as when you left the first time” Chuuya replied smoothly. He had been hounded for three months after that. Everyone wanted to know if Chuuya knew why Dazai had left, not just Mori. He knew that Mori already knew why the man had left, there was no way something like that got past him. He knew that the Boss had just interrogated him to see if Chuuya was going to defect as well. He was checking Chuuya’s loyalty.
Chuuya, still rocked by the shock of Dazai being gone, had hesitated too much the first time Mori had asked. His boss had carried a grimacing aura around him that said he wasn't pleased in the slightest with the hesitancy of his subordinate. The redhead however, had recovered quickly and told his boss that he hated Dazai as much as Mori did. (A/N: credit to eraesed on tumblr)
Chuuya wondered if he knew that was a lie.
“I had no idea Mori would punish you for me leaving” Chuuya snorted before Dazai spoke again. “I’m sorry Chuuya” Chuuya stared at Dazai scrupulously, waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the punchline, and when it didn’t come Chuuya blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
“You really have changed, haven’t you?”
--*--*--
After that Dazai started showing up pretty regularly, almost weekly. Never on the same day. Never at the same time. Which was fine, because Chuuya was never home consistently. Dazai had shown up that first time because when he saw Chuuya for the first time in four years, he’d felt a rush of nostalgia.
Seeing Chuuya with his hair longer, curled over his shoulder like soft vines. Seeing him with that big trench coat hanging off his shoulders, that somehow didn’t manage to make him look shorter. It was probably tailored that way.
The sound of Chuuya’s footsteps had echoed in that dungeon. Dazai wouldn’t have put it past him to use his ability to do that. To be more intimidating. Although Dazai wondered why he felt like he need to prove something when he was already an executive.
Seeing Chuuya like that had flooded Dazai with memories of the both of them growing up: of being twelve and playing tag while guards watched, of being fourteen and laughing at each other when their voices broke, of being fifteen and going on their first duo-mission together, of being sixteen and being terrified when they discovered corruption. All those memories just swarmed Dazai’s mind like flies. Talking to Chuuya felt so strangely familiar, even when they fought, it almost felt like sparing. But it hurt more since Chuuya was seriously angry. His partner had always been better at hand-to-hand combat but he wouldn’t have won nearly as easily if Dazai had been less distracted. Distracted by his purpose for being there and being distracted by his opponent.
After he’d convinced Chuuya to do as he said and consequently got to see Chuuya act like a fool, Dazai had felt happier. He hadn’t laughed that hard in a while. He was happier with the ADA then he had been in the Mafia, obviously, but there was something to be said for inside jokes with someone you knew almost as well as yourself. Well, used to know. After everything had settled down a bit Dazai decided to visit Chuuya, and he honestly did just want to catch up.
And that was true for the time after that, and after that, and after that, and…well maybe not after that.
Something had been settling in the back of Dazai’s mind ever since he saw Chuuya again. He wasn’t sure what it was but it didn’t feel uncomfortable so he let it be. Every time he hung out with Chuuya it got easier to slip back into old habits; teasing and joking and drinking with each other. Chuuya could forget about Mori finding out and relax. He could laugh, and be snide, and be quiet. Dazai could easily do the same. It was like his friendship with Kunikida, Atsushi, Ranpo, and the others in the ADA. It was like the friendship he used to have with Odasaku and Ango.
But it was also a beast of its own kind.
It was different from how their friendship used to be because they were different from how they used to be. But it worked and they slotted together like a pen and a cap. It was calming and exhilarating.
They never talked about work, at least not about what was currently going on. They weren’t betraying their loyalties, they were just leaving them hanging on the coat rack by the door.
--*--*--
When the Port Mafia and the Armed Detective Agency teamed up to take down the Guild, Dazai could help but laugh. Chuuya had swatted him in the arm for his troubles and they went back to drinking.
“You have to admit that it’s a bit ironic though” He commented while he flicked his glass of scotch. Chuuya rolled his eyes but he did agree. The fact that they had been hiding their rekindled friendship for months now and all the sudden it didn’t matter as much. They could get drinks at the bar. They could walk together. They could relax. If they were questioned they could just say they were checking for updates on the situation.
“You still shouldn’t be laughing, this is a serious situation” Chuuya pointed out. Dazai seemed to think about that for a moment and he wondered if Dazai was taking his words to heart. But the man just shrugged and lifted his drink.
“It may be a serious situation, but it’s also funny Chuuya!” The redhead shot him a glare before shaking his head. The bar they were in was quiet, it was a bar that Chuuya came to often. Especially in the first year after Dazai had left, he’d came here nearly every night he wasn’t working, Kouyou had tried to get him to stop, but it helped him get through the stress. He wondered if telling Dazai that was worth it. If telling this Dazai was worth it, the old Dazai would laugh at him, mock him, maybe even tell Mori that Chuuya couldn’t hack it. That used to be how it was, there were good times, plenty, but they were living in the dark. Dazai had left because it was too much, Chuuya didn’t think he’d ever had that choice.
“Are you ignoring me, Chuuya?” Dazai’s tone was joking. Chuuya looked away from where he was staring to look at his friend. Chuuya weighed his options and decided that since Dazai had changed maybe it would be fine.
“I was thinking about the past” His friend’s grin faded and his face closed off. Chuuya felt a flick of fear in his throat. Chuuya had never let himself act like he was afraid of Dazai, he’d forced it down and railed against that part of his partner. But it wasn’t like he didn’t feel anything when he became truly angry, even when it wasn’t aimed towards him he felt the apprehension spread into his veins. He knew that even with his superior abilities in martial arts that when Dazai really got serious the situation could get dangerous. Mori inspired the same feeling, but for different reasons, it was important for Mori to be able to keep unruly people under his thumb, and fear worked for some people. Dazai took no pleasure in the people he knew fearing him, it used to make him more aggressive than anything. Enemies were different of course. Chuuya immediately wanted to take the words back. He opened his mouth to brush it off when Dazai cut him off.
“What were you thinking about?” He was still blank but his tone was sincere and he seemed like he really wanted to know. It was strange for him to act that way, Chuuya wasn’t used to that sentiment coming from his ex-partner. It was too different and Chuuya decided that he didn’t want to talk about this, he wanted to go back to their calm banter.
“It’s nothing.”
“Chuuya, you can’t start a conversation and then cut it off, that’s rude” Dazai whined. Chuuya relaxed and looked at him for a moment, this felt more normal and like it should be. Chuuya let himself talk.
“I was just thinking about that first year after you left,” Chuuya had shifted his view to his wine glass. “That was a hard year, I had to clean up after the mess you left,” Dazai tightened his grip on his glass. “Mori had to redistribute your underlings, which was easy for the most part, but time consuming” The redhead narrowed his eyes. “Akutagawa was a pain in the ass because he still couldn’t learn how to use his ability properly, but he wouldn’t let anyone else be his executive, it was grating on both my nerves and Mori’s” He paused to take a drink. “Then there was a position to fill, lots of people rushed to impress Mori, I was so focused on helping Mori clean up and dealing with Akutagawa that I didn’t waste my time with it.” He looked contemplative. “You can imagine my surprise when Mori picked me to take your place,” Dazai’s eyebrows rose a bit. “Lots of people didn’t agree with Mori’s decision, although no one said it to his face. There were a lot of people who said it to mine. Lots of fights broke out because of that.” Chuuya snorted. “I could handle the position for the most part, but with all the gossip going on in the background and then having to deal with Akutugawa being under my orders.” Chuuya paused. “I came here all the time to get away, just because it was outside Mafia territory, I practically destroyed my liver in the process too. I don’t know how you handled the expectations,”
“Aww are you that out of practice since your time as the Sheepdog?” Dazai teased Chuuya lightly with a smile and his ex-partner smacked him in the arm. The alcohol lowered his ability to suppress his strength and Dazai rubbed his arm afterwards with a strained grin.
“It was King of the Sheep and you know it” Chuuya grimaced a bit at the name. The title was noteworthy but the name had been a bit childish.
“Yes of course” He watched him out of the corner of his eye as Dazai continued to rub his arm. Dazai eventually gestured for him to continue.
“Towards the spring of the next year I got a vase of Camellias on my birthday” Dazai met his stare head on and Chuuya felt the corners of his mouth twitch up. He wondered what face his friend was seeing right now. “They were sitting on my doormat and there was no note, nothing to tell me who sent them to me, isn’t that strange?” He asked. He watched Dazai’s face for any change trying to see if the man would give him the answer he was hoping for.
“Maybe you have a stalker Chuuya, you should be more concerned don’t you think?” Dazai’s face broke into a grin and Chuuya felt the urge to mirror it.
“I don’t think I need to worry too much, it’s nothing I can’t handle” Dazai nodded and took a drink of scotch. Dazai had almost forgot about that, he’d been so swarmed with anger and guilt that first year. When he’d seen the date on his phone he’d almost wanted to throw his phone into the river. Anything that reminded him of the Mafia made him furious, but he’d let himself calm down and breathe. Chuuya hadn’t done anything to him, he’d been a part of the Port Mafia for the same reason Dazai had been. The Old Boss had seen a tool and regardless of the fact that it was a child, he’d wanted it. Chuuya had nothing to do with Odasaku’s death. Dazai had thought it over for hours before he’d gone into a flower shop and bought a vase of his friend’s favorite flowers. He’d dropped it off at Chuuya’s door and left. He didn’t stick around to see his reaction because at that time he didn’t care.
“Those flowers got me through the next couple weeks, every time I came home I would check their water and feel better about the day. When they finally died I broke down, for the next week it was so stressful without that constant in my life, I realized that those flowers were the most important thing to me” Dazai felt his throat tighten up. He had no idea those flowers would have done that much. “I went out and bought all the stuff I’d need to grow camellias on my balcony, it wasn’t the same as that first vase but it helped. They’re still out there, but it’s not really their season yet so you’ll have to wait for them to bloom”.
Dazai was determined to do just that.
--*--*--
“This is the worst day I’ve had in years” Dazai whined and Chuuya rolled his eyes and cut back with a sharp retort. Dazai reached for the door at the same time his partner did and their hands bumped each other. The redhead stared at their hands before snarking at his friend.
“Don’t walk so close to me” Dazai wrinkled his nose.
“Aren’t you the one sticking next to me, Chuuya?” The smaller man turned to face Dazai and shooed him away.
“Look if this wasn’t a mission given to me by Mori I would have already crushed you” Neither of them really thought that was true though. The brunet walked back a few feet rubbing the pack of his head, he hoped that hid the smile on his face. Chuuya opened the door and moved inside the building. Dazai followed at a distance. “Dazai have you ever heard of Petrus?” The taller man had but he let his friend continue talking. “The night you left I opened an expensive bottle of 1889 Petrus to celebrate.” Celebrate probably wasn’t the right term but Chuuya would never give Dazai the benefit of that information. He reached down to open the hatch on the floor.
“Ah speaking of celebrating, I also celebrated by rigging your car with a bomb” Dazai cheerfully stated. The redhead jerked up from his crouch with fury spread across his face. Dazai kept blank grin on his face.
“That was you!?” Chuuya dropped the hatch door and it hit his foot with a loud bang. His face twitched in pain and he blew air out through his teeth. His companion lifted his casted hand in front of his mouth and snorted out a laugh. “Fuck off, Dazai” Chuuya grit out and started down the ladder. “This is seriously getting on my nerves” He grumbled.
“Now Chuuya, that’s not proper language for an Executive” Dazai commented. “Although with the way Chuuya dresses I doubt you know about propriety” The shorter man whipped around.
“At least I don’t look like I’m going to a funeral like you used to” They both stared at each other for a few moments before slight grins spread on their faces. Chuuya turned back around and they continued to banter as they walked down the stairs.
When they finally found Q, they’d become solemn and Chuuya immediately wanted him gone. He said as much and Dazai had stared at him. It wasn’t like Dazai didn’t want to do the same but it was strange to hear it from his ex-partner. Usually if Mori ordered someone back alive then Chuuya did as he was asked.
“What?” Chuuya snapped. He didn’t like that look, Dazai had never looked at him that way before. Q had killed so many people, so many of Chuuya’s men had died because of him. Q had been used to train both him and Dazai, had put them both through hell. If Q was gone no one would have to worry.
“It’s just surprising that you were the first one to jump to murder Chuuya, you used to be the one who followed Mori’s order to a T” Dazai elaborated. The redhead frowned and it struck him that Dazai was right. When had that happened? How long had he been ruthless and cold-blooded? It made him angry that Dazai was on the moral high ground now. That he had a valid reason to look down on him now.
“Shut up and do what you came here to do. I won’t stop you either way.” Chuuya looked away and back up the stairs, listening in for any sound of people coming. The taller man continued to stare at Chuuya for a moment before turning back to Q. It would be easier for everyone if Q was gone, but he knew that went against everything he’d been striving to be. A good person wouldn’t kill a child, especially when that child had been used their entire life. Dazai started cutting Q down and Chuuya narrowed his eyes.
They hauled Q up the stairs.
--*--*--
“Make sure you take me back to base, partner” As Chuuya uttered those words he felt his consciousness fade. He had no doubt in his mind that Dazai would do as he asked. Regardless of how rude he’d been this evening, regardless of how ruthless Dazai used to be, that was one thing Chuuya could always count on.
Dazai smiled at him and helped his unconscious friend to lay on his back. The brunet looked back to the house and he saw Q still passed out. Dazai looked back at Chuuya and pulled out a handkerchief to start wiping away the blood from his friend’s face. When Dazai moved on to wipe the blood from Chuuya’s arms he uncovered the bruises that corruption left in its wake. The redhead grumbled in discomfort and Dazai looked up to see Chuuya’s face tense up. Dazai apologized quietly and finished cleaning him up quickly. Dazai stood up and collected the discarded hat, coat, and gloves. Dazai stared down at his friend and tried to figure out how to carry both him and Q. Maybe he should call Atsushi, he’d be the least likely to question it. Dazai kneeled and set Chuuya’s things down, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed Atsushi’s number. Dazai picked up Chuuya’s hat and set it on his partner’s head awkwardly. He wondered how long this truce would last, how long they could be together out in public without worrying.
There’d been a buzzing feeling in Dazai’s mind for a week now. Whenever he thought of Chuuya it had rose up and made it hard to think about much else. It was frustrating to not be at 100% and he blamed Chuuya for it. He had no idea what it was, but he wasn’t sure how to get rid of it.
Atsushi picked up the phone at the same time Dazai’s eyes widened and his body froze.
“Dazai?” When his superior didn’t answer right away Atsushi continued. “Is everything okay?” No, it wasn’t. Dazai liked Chuuya, more than he should. More than he used too. Had they both changed so much? Was that why their relationship had morphed? At least on his side. It was not something Dazai was capable of processing right now. He’d improved over the past four years, he’d tried to understand how he was supposed to feel. How others would feel and how he should react. He had improved but, this wasn’t something he’d gotten a chance to encounter. He had dates, and relationships, albeit short ones, but this was different. It had grown on its own without Dazai trying to help. That explained all his strong feelings, the ones he couldn’t quite place. He hadn’t felt this strongly about someone since Odasaku. His brain was filled with static and he barely heard himself respond.
“I’m bringing Q back to the agency.” He hung up the phone and continued to stare at Chuuya. He couldn’t understand this revelation and it was too hard for him to try to parse this right now. He had too much that he had to worry about and no time for this.
Dazai knew the right thing, the good thing would be to take Chuuya home.
--*--*--
Unfortunately, Chuuya wakes up in the field alone.
He wakes up alone and cold, he’s soaked through with morning dew and when he sits up the rising sun nearly blinds him. He stares at the ground in front of him and feels anger swell up, his ability activates unbidden and he punches the ground beside him in fury. The crater left behind is reminiscent of how he feels, his anger had dropped away with a swoop that made Chuuya’s stomach ache. He feels hollow and defeated. He’d thought, for a second, that maybe that Dazai was going to treat him the way Chuuya wanted him too, with care and jokes and almost sincerity. That maybe he had changed enough that Chuuya wouldn’t have to worry about his cruel streak. But it seemed like even though they’d both changed so much that Dazai still saw him as a piece of his past. Something he could throw around.
He felt like crying and maybe he did. It was hard to tell with the dew that clung to his face. He collected his things and forced his way through the pain that racked his body. He knew that Mori was going to be disappointed in him for not having Q. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take. He shivered and his pain spiked in return, he pulled his coat over his shoulders and stuck his gloves in the pockets. He started walking gingerly, his body filled with pain and a bitter depression that felt like anger without the heat. He felt like he had when Dazai had left four years ago and he hated it. Chuuya realized that he’d let himself get comfortable with Dazai’s presence, that for some ignorant reason he’d let Dazai under his skin again.