Chapter Text
It is heavily snowing this Christmas Eve and here she is, lying on the side on her bed, sprawled all over and she holds onto an opened white envelope with all five fingers. Her breathing is slow but she unevenly inhales, the lump fixed in her throat still. Salty tears roll out of her eyes, landing on her pillow. It has created a small circle of wetness.
Her blurred gaze is stuck in that one spot on the bed and she hasn’t moved for a good thirty minutes. She doesn’t feel like moving from her spot anytime soon. There’s nothing better for her to do this Christmas Eve anyways as she would be spending it alone for the first time in two, almost three years.
Lisa retrieves her mail from her mailbox before trudging up the stairs, all the way up to the 3rd floor. In the meanwhile, she browses through her mail, seeing nothing but bills and advertising mail at first. However, a white envelope that has her name so beautifully handwritten stopped her from browsing any further. She arches her brow, looking confusedly at the envelope. Shoving all her mail between her arm and body, she fishes out her keys and unlocks her apartment door.
The brunette drops her keys and the other unimportant mail on the coffee table made of glass. She plops down on her couch and puts her feet on the same table she had put her keys and mail on. To ease the eerie silence in her compact, yet comfortable apartment, she switches on the TV.
With a historical drama in the background, she pushes her index finger inside the small gap of the envelope and drags her finger down with little effort to open. She slips out the card of its holder and for a slight second there, her heart stops as she reads the first two words. She really thinks her heart stopped right there for a minimal second. She didn’t hear the historical drama nor her neighbours from upstairs that are usually very loud. Her world had stopped for a second.
Her heart breaks into more and more pieces for every second that passes as she dares to proceed on reading the card that holds a name of a person that has meant the world to her, in fact, been her entire world.
Park Chaeyoung
and
Park Chanyeol
request the honor of your company
at the celebration of their union
Saturday, the tenth of February
two thousand and eighteen
at three o’clock in the afternoon
JW Marriott Hotel Seoul
176 Sinbanpo-ro, Seocho-gu
Seoul, South Korea
Reception to follow
The invitation in her hand is the same invitation she had retrieved from her mailbox an hour ago.
She lets out a long breath before clearing her throat. Finally, she decides to wipe away the tears that are eager to come out, only for them to come back but this time in huge chunks instead.
Her heart is in shambles, even then it has the energy left to wrench causing her to be in more pain than she already is in. She isn’t sure if it’s possible but anything that has to do with pain is possible it appears. For her at least.
The pain that she is holding hostage but is also holding her hostage, it is stuck to her like a locked chain. She thought it was temporary, this ordeal of hers, that it would go away as time passed. It hasn’t and it’s been a month, a little more over a month. She ended up being stuck to this depraved cycle, losing herself in her own state of mind, and the day Chaeyoung left her without a word left behind was the last straw of her happiness.
She is trying not to think too much, to not make her head go into overdrive but it’s hard to prevent it from happening as Lisa’s emotions are everywhere right now and extremely difficult to deal with.
She is sick and tired of crying, and receiving a wedding invitation was not helping it.
She doesn’t understand why she was invited. Was this some sort of wicked plan to show Lisa that she is happy without her? It’s working, that’s for sure. It doesn’t make any sense to her as Chaeyoung was the one who left, not the other way around. Lisa should be the one shoving something in the latter’s face but she isn’t and whatever that something is it isn’t happiness.
Perhaps this is Chaeyoung’s way to redeem Lisa’s bad memories of her.
However, it’s still not logical…
“Chaeyoung? Chaeng? Park Chaeyoung?”
Lisa anxiously calls out for her girlfriend after having read a note on the nightstand saying nothing more than a mere ‘I’m sorry’. She goes all around their apartment, from that corner to this corner, from the kitchen to the bathroom, from the bedroom to the living room. Her brunette girlfriend can’t be found, she is nowhere to be found.
She takes out her phone from her pocket, dialing the number of Chaeyoung. As expected, she doesn’t answer but Lisa tries seven more times. Fortunately, on the eighth try, the call is connected and is picked up.
“Chaeyoung? Where are you? Is everything all right?” she frantically asks, pacing back and forth in the living room, still in her pajamas. “Why is there a note saying, ‘I’m sorry’?”
“I’m sorry, Lisa.”
And the call gets disconnected.
That was the last time Lisa ever heard from her. Of course, she tried multiple of times to come in contact with her again, any sane partner would try and repeatedly contact, but Chaeyoung was unreachable. Almost as if she had disappeared from the living world or Lisa was just dumb and wasn’t searching in the right places nor thinking straight.
Chaeyoung didn’t answer her text messages nor her calls and in the end, she changed her number. Lisa tried to visit her apartment but no one ever opened and in the end, a stranger opened, explaining that they recently moved in. She tried calling and meet up with Chaeyoung’s friends but they refused to tell her, every single one of them, even their mutual friends.
So, Lisa stopped and God knows this was for the best.
A month, a little more over a month, her misery is still not finding its end. Out of nowhere, a bomb detonates, and God expects Lisa to react normally and handle this like a normal person?
After 45 tragic minutes, she drags herself out of bed, leaving the invitation behind on the bed and shuffles inside the bathroom. Turning on the tap with frigid water, she blows her nose and then proceeds to wash her face, once, twice, thrice and plenty more of times. She shuts the tap off and grabs a towel from one of the hooks, drying her face and sees herself using the mirror. It’s a shocking sight, really.
She walks out of the bathroom, slightly alarmed because of the cold water but that was what she needed. A wake-up call.
There’s knocking on the front door when she walks out of the bathroom. She passes her bedroom and heads toward the front door. Checking the peephole first and her eyes startle at the sight of her friends this Christmas Eve. She walks backward and then rushes quietly to the TV, picking up the remote and puts on her recently played movie. Hachi. Thank God she finished it the other day as she is seeing the credits rolling in.
She stretches her mouth, moving it in every direction, warming up her smiles and brings back her fake and cheerful façade. The side she is so used to showing to her friends – to the outside world. She doesn’t want them to see the broken Lisa that they saw throughout the first week after Chaeyoung left since she is afraid they might get tired of her, ending up leaving her, just like her ex-girlfriend. She can’t handle any more stabbing in the back nor abandonment.
She goes back to the front door, takes a hold of the handle and drags it open.
“Merry Christmas!” They shout together loudly. Jisoo and Seulgi.
Lisa stills for a moment, looking at Jisoo and then Seulgi and back to Jisoo. “Don’t you guys have your own Christmas Eve party at your workplace?” She wrinkles her eyebrows, leaning on the door.
“We do,” Jisoo says, nodding. “But nothing can beat a relaxed party with good food and snacks, deep talking and Christmas movies.”
“Can’t disagree with you on that. Come on in.” She lets them inside before pushing the door closed and locks it after her.
Jisoo looks over to the TV, now seeing the poster of Hachi and a description of the movie right beside it. She then looks away and goes toward the kitchen area. “You watched Hachi? That explains the red eyes,” Jisoo continues talking whilst settling down the take-away food and snacks on the kitchen table, not too far from where Lisa stands, and Seulgi helping her out.
“Yeah, thank Hachi for, uh, my red eyes. I really bawled my eyes out…” she murmurs, rolling her eyes because of her little white lie and approaches them from behind and helps them with the bags.
“There’s not gonna be any sad movies tonight!” Seulgi laughs, looking somewhat too giddy for a girl who has never before been excited for Christmas Eve. “We gotta have the Christmas spirit as we’re eating Christmas food and watching Christmas movies. The jolly, folks, the jolly. Where is it?”
“Why are you so Christmas spirited? Never seen you like this.”
Lisa takes one of the Coke cans, her long, slender fingers around it. She opens it, taking a drink from it whilst staring at Seulgi up and down, analyzing the older girl in front of her. The acid from the Coke bites in her throat after chugging the liquid down for too long making her set it back down on the table.
“She was asked out on a date today,” Jisoo tells her nonchalantly.
“What? By whom?” Lisa exclaims, widening her eyes.
“Kitchen table or coffee table? You choose.”
Jisoo points to both tables, giving the youngest two alternatives. Lisa ponders for a few seconds, grabbing a compartment with food and coke, moving toward the coffee table. Jisoo and Seulgi follow after her.
“You know I’m still waiting for my question to be answered.”
“Disappointed but not surprised that you haven’t figured it out yet. You’re really dense, Lisa.” Jisoo shakes her head.
“It’s Lisa after all.” Seulgi joins in, giggling like she’s intoxicated of love or whatever she’s feeling at the moment.
“Hey,” she argues, feeling offended and a little smirk lingers in the corner of Jisoo’s mouth. “I’m not at fault here. Seulgi doesn’t update on her love life so how can I know when she isn’t telling me anything?”
They take a seat around the coffee table, Lisa pushing back the couch a bit to create enough space for everyone. Seulgi opens up her bottle of beer, still smiling whilst Jisoo digs into the food immediately.
Lisa still waits for Jisoo to tell her. Swallowing her food, Jisoo finally tells her. “It’s Irene, dumbass. Irene.”
“Oh…” Her brain is slow on registering what name Jisoo had just told her. Then it clicks. “Oh! Irene?! Bae Irene?”
Seulgi gets surprised by Lisa’s high-pitched voice. Her chopsticks remain in her mouth, her food is not being chewed on.
“What’s with the reaction?” Jisoo side-eyes her, half judging her.
“Oh, my God, Seulgi!” She takes a hold of her friend’s unoccupied hand, holding onto it and moves it back and forth rapidly, her excitement coming off. “This is great. Your long-time crush finally asked you out on a date. So, when’s the date?”
“We, uh… we haven’t decided yet.” A hue of pink takes over her skin color, spreading all over and Lisa doesn’t miss the change. She smiles brightly at her friend. “She said she’d text me…”
“Oh, my God…” Lisa squeals causing Jisoo to knit her brows together, horrified by Lisa’s squealing.
“Lisa, where do you have your hair ties?” Jisoo asks, wanting to escape from Lisa’s squealing as she has had enough of squealing today. First Seulgi then Lisa.
“Room, room.” Lisa points quickly in the direction of her room.
She places down her chopsticks and vanishes into Lisa’s bedroom.
“You have to tell me everything, like everything, after the date. I swear to God if you forget, Seulgi…” She scrunches up her fist before Seulgi’s very eyes. The latter only laughs watching Lisa’s failed of a threat.
“I will tell you everything, don’t worry.” Seulgi winks, picking up a piece of Kimchi from a separate tray and shoves it in her mouth.
Lisa removes her hand from Seulgi, moving back a little. “Perhaps not everything, everything. You can keep all the sexual details to yourself.”
“I’m joking. There won’t be any physical contact on the first date, relax.”
“You’re Kang Seulgi.”
Lisa raises herself up to walk to the refrigerator to grab a few ice cubes and a glass to pour the Coke in. She’s tired of drinking from the small hole of the tin can and it wasn’t as cold as she thought it would be.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Ignoring her, she asks. “Do you want a glass for your beer and some ice cubes?” Lisa looks over to Seulgi who shakes her head in response. “But yeah, you’re you, Seulgi. Sexy mama, she won’t be able to resist you.”
Seulgi gasps in horror and the youngest can only snicker.
Taking a hold of the bag with ice cubes and her glass, she moves back to the coffee table but when she looks to her left, the direction to her bedroom, she spots Jisoo walking out of her bedroom. She doesn’t leave the bedroom empty handed but the thing is, she doesn’t come out with what she asked for.
“Lisa…” She begins, showing up the wedding invitation in her hand. Concern was written all over her face and Lisa freezes on the spot, her eyes frantic, going to the wedding invitation and back to Jisoo. Lisa inhales and exhales, and composes herself afterward.
She goes back to Seulgi and says, quite indifferently, like it’s not bothering her, at all, “I got it in the mail today.”
Seulgi examines her as she sits down, putting in some ice cubes in the glass and proceeds to pour her half-drunk Coke in the glass.
“Talk to us,” Seulgi kind of demands and Lisa raises her brow at the latter, her glass to her mouth.
Jisoo walks over to them, also sitting down and the wedding invitation is slowly put down on the coffee table. Lisa's eyes stick on the traumatizing, white object, the object she purposely left behind in her bedroom. Her eyes drift up to Jisoo who too is scanning her.
Lisa sets back down her glass. “What?” She half chuckles, though the pain is eating her heart, bit by bit, slowly and painfully. “Come on. Jolly, folks, where’s the Christmas jolly?” She sets aside her compartment of food, it’s almost eaten up. “I’m putting on a Christmas movie. What do you want to watch?”
Getting up from her spot on the rug, she grabs Seulgi’s beer, drinking from it and plops down on the couch. She grabs the remote control, browsing through the Christmas movies that can be found on Netflix.
“No,” Seulgi stands up and says, looking down on her, her big sister pose is showing. “We’re going out.”
“Out? What do you mean out? I thought, well Jisoo said, nothing can beat a relaxed party with good food and snacks, deep talking and Christmas movies.”
“I sound nothing like that.” Jisoo gapes offended that Lisa even tried to mimic her voice.
“Change of plans. Out, we’re going out to drink.” Seulgi grabs onto her wrist, trying to drag her up but Lisa isn’t budging.
“For what?” She laughs and her eyes sparkles, tears are forming. “Is it because of the wedding invitation? Guys, I’m fine. It’s been a month and she’s not coming back. I can only suck it up and live with that fact.”
“Come on, Lisa. Up.”
***
And out they are going.
Lisa sighs and jogs down the stairs, fixing her outfit all the way down the stairs. She is dressed in an oversized, too oversized shirt with black and red, white stripes along with a pair of black jeans. To save her freezing ass later, she wears a black coat on the outside.
She walks out of the building and the twilight sky has taken over the great, cloudless azure sky and it never fails to amaze Lisa to stare at nothingness. Even though it is nothingness, it calms her nerves in some strange way.
Jisoo and Seulgi went down first to get the car.
Seulgi rolls down the windows from the passenger seat and says, “Trust us,” Seulgi tries to get the younger one who’s giving them a skeptical look to calm down a notch and to enjoy the night that is to come alive. “We’re going to have fun tonight.”
“I said I was okay.”
“Just get in, Manoban,” Jisoo groans, her head almost sticking out from the window if it wasn’t for the seatbelt.
“Where are we even going?”
“A bar– does it matter? Just get in before I drag you in. It’s cold.” Jisoo’s patience is running out.
Nonetheless, Lisa gets into the car with rolling eyes.
They drive in silence and Lisa leans her head against the window, staring outside and is enthralled by the city's beauty. Lights flooding the stone pavements, tall buildings rising to its stature, people walking in the winter snow, just simply enjoying the night.
Shortly, they’re about to arrive at their destination and the closer they get, the clearer Lisa can hear the blaring music seeping out of buildings. She steps out of the vehicle and her hands are shoved inside her coat, and in front of her, she sees a queue lining up to the club.
“A club? I thought we were going to a bar.” Lisa swirls around and questions the older ones who have just got out.
“A bar, a club, same thing. Come on now and stop sulking, we’re here to have fun.” Jisoo shrugs and slips her arm around the youngest.
Lisa mumbles incoherent words under her breath thus it never reaches their ears. She dreads the incoming night and being in the presence of both Jisoo and Seulgi, things are bound to go good and bad.
They walk up to the entrance and greet the bouncer that guards the place. He detaches the rope barrier and lets them through with a smile on his face. They must know someone inside, must be, Lisa can’t think of anything else… that is if they aren’t regular customers which she doubts.
They leave their outer coats in the wardrobe before trudging down the stairs that are full of people, Lisa’s eyes widen when they reach the bottom of the stairs. She saw the people outside the building, queuing up, but never ever did she think it would be this crowded. The whole place is jammed with people and completely restless, and if she dares to go further inside, she fears that she won’t be able to get back outside.
“Let’s get our shots,” Seulgi shouts over the loud music. Lisa doesn’t get it, a complete question mark whilst she scrunches her eyebrows but once the raven-haired points to the bar, she understands.
***
Eight shots later, Jisoo and Seulgi are still alive, slight tipsy but alive whilst the youngest one in the group is completely wasted but still alive, fortunately.
“Are you okay, Lisa?” Seulgi asks and Jisoo shakes her head, disapproving of the sight. “Up for another?”
“Yes, definitely, I’m all for it!” she shouts at the top of her lungs, forgetting that she’s in a public environment and near people altogether. By now, she has also forgotten about all the pain and thoughts she’s been holding onto since she first received the wedding invitation. And that was her friends' plan, to get her drunk and to forget.
Lisa’s head dunk the counter, rather loudly and it must be painful, her friends think as they are the ones who wince instead of her.
“Jisoo? Seulgi? Hi.” A strange but pleasing voice intrudes the younger one’s thoughts like an unwelcoming fairy. The voice reminding her of no other than Chaeyoung in her current drunk state.
The brunette is too drunk to tune into their conversation but is capable of processing a couple of words then and now. However, when she hears that mellifluous voice, she desires to hear it again and again, thinking of Chaeyoung all the while.
“We need to visit the bathroom for a second. Mind keeping an eye on Lisa for us? She’s… kind of drunk.” Jisoo is asking and the brunette nods her head.
She stands behind Lisa whilst the others sprint to the bathroom, squeezing their bodies in between the mass of people to get to the bathroom.
“How are you holding up?” The brunette pats Lisa’s back, then strokes her back gently.
Lisa doesn’t answer her, her head still laying on the counter.
“You need to take it easy on the drinking,” she continues, removing the hair tie from her wrist and takes a hold of Lisa’s hair. She puts it up into a ponytail. “I’m putting up your hair so you won’t puke in it later.”
All of a sudden, Lisa’s up on her feet, facing the owner of the feminine voice. Everything is moving way too fast and it’s too sudden that the brunette isn’t able to react quickly to what is coming next. Lisa cups the latter’s cheeks and like a snap of a finger, Lisa’s lips curiously and longingly meet the other pair.
She kisses her, slow and soft, and again, her throbbing heart yearning for more, and once more, holding the latter’s cheeks as if it’s her dear life she’s holding onto, and another. Lisa melts in the mouth of someone she believes is Chaeyoung, losing herself in the moment, thus she takes it further, sliding her arms down to the latter’s waist, leaving no gaps in between their bodies and embraces her firmly as she kisses her deeper and sloppier.
What Lisa doesn’t get, throughout the kiss, is the response from the latter but she’s way too drunk to care because it’s Chaeyoung in front of her, she thinks.
However, there’s something odd with this Chaeyoung. Lisa can’t seem to smell the scent that has been Chaeyoung’s signature all these years. The scent that Lisa can easily recognize anywhere. But this fragrance, here with her now, it’s tempting and heavenly, like fresh flowers, and inevitably drawing her in for more but it also makes her realize that the one she’s kissing is in fact not Chaeyoung.
Lisa separates slightly, their lips graze each other then and now because of Lisa’s unsteadiness. Her hands still around the latter and utters low, “You’re not Chaeyoung…”
“I’m not.” Her voice comes out in a whisper, a soft whisper. “But I can make you forget about her…”
With that being said, she slides up to curl her fingers into Lisa’s hair and drives her forward. She bites onto Lisa’s lower lip and things escalate quickly for the both of them. Their tongues get entwined, battling for control but the brunette is so brutal whenever she bites down on Lisa’s under lip every chance she gets. Her dominant kisses electrocute Lisa, sending rousing electricity down her spine which results in Lisa, unavoidably, moaning.
Arms still around the brunette, Lisa parts from her. They both pant and are utterly breathless whilst looking deep into each other’s eyes. Brown catlike eyes on big, round brown eyes.
“This is a mistake…”
“Maybe,” the brunette murmurs against her lips.
***
Lisa wakes up, feeling unexpected soreness all over her body. With the utmost carefulness, she pries up an eyelid but getting struck by the sun’s scorching gaze through the windows, she immediately shuts it. She clasps her face, cursing and turns around to lie on her stomach whilst her brain is bleeding, feeling like a knife has been buried in her head. Her dehydration too apparent for her to disregard it.
Lisa retries to give it another chance, levering up one eyelid first before opening the other one, but with the construction site going inside her head, they automatically shut themselves repetitive. Giving her eyes a few minutes, she finally manages to keep them open.
Scanning her surroundings, she finds herself at home in one piece and on the bed.
“Jesus…” Her voice comes out hoarse and deep. She clears her throat.
There’s an odd scent in her room and it’s been bothering her the last minutes she’s been awake. It’s not hers, that’s for sure. There’s a scent of fresh flowers lingering around her thus she smells her pillows and duvet, even her sheets. Her entire bed smells like fresh flowers.
That’s when she looks down on herself and realizes she’s stark naked. Not only does she discover that she’s completely bare, her pale body is marked with too many and few big bruises– hickeys.
The brunette sits up on the bed, her joints popping. She wipes away the eye boogers, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand. She looks around once again and a piece of paper stands out, lying there on the nightstand. Crawling across her bed, she picks up the white paper.
Merry Christmas Lisa.
– J