Archive of Our Own

never said good-bye (with lips)

 You're the one I like,
I will find a reason tonight,
Feel it all despite,
The fact you don't like my type.

– Hayley Kiyoko, Pretty Girl

Twelve.

A magical number – Twelve months in a year. Twelve horoscope signs. Twelve, an age where kids are a step away from being a tween.

It's a time where girls try their hand at lip gloss and coloured eyeshadow, and boys put aside cooties to give flowers to the girls they like-like.

This is the time where Sasuke Uchiha realizes he may have a crush on Sakura Haruno. It was the cliché realization that Sakura was the prettiest, smartest, talented girl in school. The only problem is – or rather, the number of problems are; (1) a lot of people like her too and (2) Sakura has a crush on someone else.

Sasuke Uchiha and the small number of the kids in his neighbourhood makes a trip to the beach the Summer he's thirteen. He says 'yes' purely because Naruto had dropped in the fact that Sakura was going.

Ino Yamanaka is loud as she always has been, dragging Sakura Haruno and Shikamaru Nara along the sand while Naruto Uzumaki and Choji Akimichi points and laughs. Tenten takes pictures of everything including the embarrassing scene. Sasuke's dark eyes stares at the Hyuuga cousins building a sandcastle before his stare shifts to look at the waves.

The sea looks cold despite the Summer sun glaring at them. He minds his own business like he always does. He doesn't dare interact with anyone.

Sasuke walks towards the sea then crouches near the waves as if he was challenging the sea to drag him in. When it doesn't, he writes on the sand with his finger. It's an absentminded task until he's noticed what he's written.

うちはサクラ

He stares at it for the longest time and wonders if this is possible in maybe ten years time. So much so that he doesn't even notice someone invading his space until the person asks him a question.

"What are you doing, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura's familiar voice rings in his ears.

Sasuke's entire face turns red. Sasuke looks up from his scribble in the sand, flustered. He sees Sakura leaning over his shoulder to have a look, medium-length hair tickling his neck. He hopes for a lot of things at that moment. He hopes he can blame the redness of his skin on the hot sun. He hopes his horrendous hand-writing is enough to be unreadable. He hopes the earth could just swallow him whole.

"O – Oh, uh …" He mumbles.

Sakura's face twists into a pout. He hears her voice drop in a sad tone the same time he feels the waves rush to his ankles.

"Aww, the waves washed away your writing," She says, frowning for him.

Sasuke turns back to the sand. He says in a small voice, "It's … whatever. It was dumb anyways."

Sakura straightens her posture. "I'm sure it wasn't." Her voice is too confident for its own good.

"Sakura!" Ino's voice cuts in. The blonde girl wraps her arms around the pink hair girl's shoulders, pulling her in a hug. "The group's thinking of getting ice-cream, wanna come with?"

Sakura's smile grows wider.

And Sasuke catches on. He sees the way Sakura looks at her best friend. And it snaps into place. He knows what that look means. Sasuke isn't the only one who likes-likes someone.

"Sure," Sakura replies.

Then Ino adds, "Come on, Sasuke, join the group. You can't just emo-ly sit here by yourself."

Sasuke makes a face at this. "I'll come."

"Good," Ino states, hand now holding Sakura's.

He dusts the sand off his beach shorts the same time Ino is sprinting back towards their friends, hand still interlock with Sakura's. This annoys Sasuke more than a little.

Sasuke's just about to turn away and leave the sight of the calm sea when an urge to justify himself comes to him. He quickly scribbles his earlier words. But that's just as quickly erased.

"Oh," He says to himself then laughs bitterly. It seems even the sea is challenging him back. The waves have washed away evidence of a dream he has in mind. "So, even you think it won't happen, huh?"

It's cruel. Especially since Sakura is so kind and warm. She's so understanding and perfect. He wants to blame the universe but he's done his fair share in avoiding the issue.

…

 Sasuke's need to be closer to Sakura may or may not be the biggest mistake he's ever made in his entire life. He moves from just being a classmate to Sakura to being a friend to a good friend and by the time the years roll by, and they're fourteen, he's landed himself a spot on her exclusive list of best friends besides Ino Yamanaka, Hinata Hyuuga and Tenten.

"You let Haruno win, didn't you?" Neji Hyuuga asks, for once not by Tenten or Hinata's side.

It's another trip to the arcade in Spring. The whole gang is involved but it doesn't feel the same because everyone's falling in love and Sasuke secretly resents it because two player games are over-rated. Ah, high school angst.

Sasuke smiles in return, his voice is laced with sarcasm. "Well, looks like I'm busted. Going to call the cops on me?"

"No," Neji answers. "But I should lock you up somewhere. Looking at you hurts my eyes."

"Don't be a sourpuss just because you lost the game."

"I'm not." Neji replies, his face serious. But then again, when hasn't it been? "But I do mean it though. Looking at you is just pitiful. Can you just tell Haruno already?"

Sasuke's cocky grin morphs into a frown. He stares back at Neji. The Hyuuga boy's pale eyes doesn't look as scary as it used to be back when Sasuke let his childish imagination wander. He wants to ask 'What are you talking about?' but a fear pulling on his heart stops him. Instead, Sasuke simply turns his head around and ignores Neji's words.

This strikes a nerve. Neji opens his mouth to argue at the stalling. It looks like even he has a limit at Sasuke's nonsense. But he doesn't manage to squeeze in anything because Tenten, his girlfriend, shouts on the top of her lungs.

"Oh my God!" Tenten exclaims and sends a signal to her boyfriend. "Neji, tell Believe-It here that he's being dumb as rocks!"

"HEY!" Naruto yells back.

Shikamaru and Choji throw in a few jokes just to mess with the blonde boy. Hinata hides her face in the rabbit toy Naruto won for her, Ino rolls her blue eyes and Sakura shakes her head. The group is large enough for Sasuke to sink into the background. Sasuke is – for once – glad that Naruto is the idiot that he is.

"Now that you said you hate him, I hate him too,"

"You're welcome." Sakura grins.

Both she and Sasuke are watching a movie. The characters are one dimensional but there are certain exceptions. They're watching Love, Actually and it could arguably be the worst Christmas-romance movie ever to exist.

"Why are we watching this again?" Sasuke asks, the bowl of popcorn is half empty in his perspective.

"Because it's so bad that it's good."

"That's not a professional answer."

"Okay then," Sakura straightens her back and replies, "Because I said I wanted to and prodded you into it. You agreed so don't whine about it now."

"Hn,"

Sakura pulls her knees closer to her. She's sitting closely next to Sasuke because it's cold and he's warm and they're sharing a blanket thrown over their laps. They are sixteen. Two boys have confessed to Sakura this year but Sasuke's tally of fangirl confessions are higher. Both have rejected their potential suitors because both are in love with other people.

Their cups of peach tea sits on the coffee table, ignored because the blanket feels like a warmer source against the Winter chill.

She tells him, "Would you ever pull the same stunts the characters in the movie would?"

"What?" Sasuke turns away from the TV, credits rolling. "I – This movie is unrealistic. No one in real life would do any of these stunts. If they did, it would be a disaster."

"Yeah but, if you were presented a chance to chase after your true love, would you?"

He answers, trying to remain indifferent, "Too much hard work."

"Really?" She asks, not entirely convinced. "Because it seems to me, if you really were to care about that person, you would just try everything in your power to be with them."

'Even if they don't want you?' Sasuke wants to ask, but instead asks a different question.

"Are you sure we're talking about the same person: me? Where did you get this crazy impression?" Sasuke questions and refuses to lean closer to her. Sasuke can't show Sakura how he feels because he knows he isn't her type.

"It's more like – it's like –" Sakura tries explaining. Her hand extends upwards before she presses her index finger to her temple as if she could magically press a button in her brain and remember. "It's just, if you're given an option to either back out or take it. Sitting on the fence just sounds stupid."

"I don't understand what you're implying."

"I'm just asking you: if you knew you loved someone and you knew they could be with you, would you go for it?"

Sasuke lets out an irritated hum drag out. "You're reading too much into this terrible movie. Let's watch something else after this."

She only takes the popcorn bowl from him and laughs, "Maybe you're right."

"It's just – she makes me so happy." Sasuke confesses drunkly one night when he decides to take up Naruto's offer on his experimental drinks.

It's Christmas and it's cold and it's lonely. Sasuke's parents don't give two shits about him, Itachi's off in college and their other friends are busy doing their own thing. Naruto has only asked Sasuke to chill together because it's the blonde's first Christmas alone too. His parents have made an emergency trip to see their friend Jirayah after the man had gotten himself in trouble. Kushina and Minato practically forbid Naruto to come along because everything was just too complicated.

The eggnog in Sasuke's drink is spiked and he's never touched alcohol before. Naruto laughs, not the least bit guilty that he's given Sasuke alcoholic eggnog. The blonde is glad Sasuke's finally opening up.

"And I love her," Sasuke says.

"That's nice." Naruto replies. He can honestly say he is glad Sasuke is being so open about liking Sakura. Because Sasuke's been pinning for Sakura for forever. Though … Naruto wonders if he should tell Sasuke that Sakura doesn't lean that way and that Sakura and Ino are an item. Girlfriends. Like, legit. It's very obvious.

…

"It's Sasuke-kun," Sasuke hears Sakura whisper about him as he holds his phone close to his ear. He's locked himself in Naruto's bathroom after feeling the need to throw up. And once that passed, he suddenly had the feeling to confess his feelings to Sakura. Something he's been keeping to himself for years now.

"What does he want?" Ino's voice comes in. Her voice sounding more distant than ever. Ino's presence is enough to make Sasuke question why Ino is at the Haruno household on Christmas.

"I don't know," Sakura says. "But he sounds drunk."

Sakura is worried and Ino isn't.

Ino sighs, Sasuke could imagine Ino pinching the bridge of her nose. "Give me the phone. I'll talk to him."

"Okay," Sakura replies the same time Sasuke barks out a 'no' into the mouthpiece. The phone is handed over regardless.

Ino speaks, "Hello? Sasuke –"

"Put Sakura back on." Sasuke says fast.

"No." Ino answers. "I have this gut feeling if I do, you're going to cause a shit ton of drama. Why are you drunk and why do you need to talk to her now?"

"I need to tell her something important."

"Like what?"

Sasuke pauses at this. Not very long but just long enough to piss Ino off. So much so that Ino repeats herself.

"Like what, Sasu –"

"I love her. I love Sakura." Sasuke tells Ino like it means something. Like it's a threat. He is drunk and liquid courage is living up to its name. "I love her more than –" 'you ever will' He almost says. "– just a best friend." His voice echoes in Naruto's small bathroom.

If this was Sakura on the other line, Sasuke could imagine this moment, imagine the outcome. Sakura would go "Oh, Sasuke-kun," Her voice would be low and sad – a tiny sound. She wouldn't even pause to think because it was clear who Sakura would choose. He could picture the corners of her mouth lifting upwards, a sharp motion. Her smile would be as deadly as a knife and he would know from the sound of her voice that there would be a sadness behind it. Just looking at her expression would have felt like a stab in the gut. Sasuke would be glad that he was talking to her through the phone and not face-to-face.

But the confession never happened. It isn't Sakura on the other line. It's Ino and she. is. furious.

"Sleep this off," Ino hisses at Sasuke.

"No,"

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"I mean 'no' as in 'no, listen'. You have to tell Sakura." Sasuke mumbles despite the odds. Alcohol makes his stupid. So stupid.

"No." Ino snaps. "No, you listen. You have to stop all this. You need to stop. Sakura is my girlfriend. She doesn't like you like that. She never has and never will."

Sasuke argues, "You don't know that –"

"Yes, I do!"

"You don't –"

"Sasuke, I'm not going to fight you! It's Christmas for goodness sakes! Don't ruin this night for us," Ino snaps and this shuts Sasuke up. "Now go get some water and sleep this off."

Then the phone clicks off with her muttering "Good night, Sasuke" and he forgets that the call ever existed thanks to alcohol.

…

"And I called Sakura when I excused myself to the bathroom." Sasuke explains with his face buried in his hands.

Naruto looks over at his friend, Sasuke is still very drunk friend. Naruto tells Sasuke, "I thought I heard you talking to somebody. Though, I first assumed you were just making friends with the toilet."

"Whaaa …?" Sasuke grins at this. "Why?"

"The toilet is everyone's best friend." Naruto explains. Especially after you're queasy and want nothing more than to puke your guts out.

"Ha! But I already have a best friend! And her name is Sakura Haruno!"

"And me," Naruto adds for banter.

"Aaanndd yooouuu!" Sasuke laughs then he pauses and says in an almost whisper, "I almost told her."

"Told who what?"

"I almost told Sakura that I'm in love with her."

"You – What?" Naruto asks, alarmed. "Well, did she know? Did she say anything back?"

"I hate you,"

Is the first thing Sasuke Uchiha says when he wakes up on Naruto's sofa with a horrible hangover. He wants to turn off the sun because Naruto's blinds aren't doing shit.

"Just be glad my parents aren't home this weekend." Naruto retorts. "If they saw the state you're in, they'd kick both our asses."

"And who's fault is that?" Sasuke snaps.

Naruto replies by taking out his phone. "I'm going to text my girlfriend now because at least Hinata-chan appreciates me."

"Hmm," Sasuke voices, irked. He drapes his arm across his face and pulls the blanket over his head. "Did I do anything stupid yesterday?"

"Loads," Naruto replies and continues typing out his text to Hinata.

"Is there any proof?"

"You don't remember anything?"

"No," Sasuke answer then asks again because Naruto didn't answer his question. "Is there any evidence of me being shit face stupid?"

Naruto stalls by walking from the living room into the kitchen. He pockets his phone and pours a cup of water for his grouchy friend. He thinks, Sakura-chan never replied to Sasuke's confession so ...

"No," He finally answers Sasuke.

"Good," Sasuke replies.

The water spills from the glass, overflowing. Naruto echoes Sasuke's words, "Yeah ... good,"

But there's a waiver of disappointment behind his voice despite agreeing to it. Naruto wonders: how lonely can a person be until it cracks him? He wonders if Ino will murder Sasuke once all the holidays and festive cheer has lost its effect.

Sasuke straightens his tie and smoothens his jacket from any wrinkles. Tonight is prom and everyone is all glammed up with silky dresses, dysfunctional high heels, pressed collared shirts and polished shoes.

Naruto slaps Choji in the face with his orange tie out of fun, accidentally knocking Choji's potato chips out of his hands, and Sasuke swears Choji practically declares a fight right there and then. Shikamaru mutters that the night is bothersome, Neji ignores it all, and Tenten threatens Naruto and Choji that she will strangle the both of them with their ties if they don't stop their nonsense. Hinata ends up holding Naruto's hand, not out of romantic reasons, but because it's an easier way to restrain the blonde boy's stupidity. If someone were to look around the big group, anyone would think they were an unlikely bunch of friends.

Ino is all dressed up in her elegant purple dress that pools around her feet, a slit in the dress shows off her legs just nicely. The pale blonde beams at Sakura who's in a poofy pink dress. Sakura smiles back before her green eyes travel quickly to Ino's glossed lips. It's a quick move. But Sasuke thinks you'd have to be an absolute idiot to not notice that. It's practically a power move. Practically a message that says, You're mine later.

Sasuke busiest himself by straightening his pencil tie once again.

Sasuke escorts both Sakura and Ino home after prom is over. Which is a bad move. A very bad move.

A predictable bad move that he and everyone should have seen miles away. Just like telling a complete stranger your address or installing ejector seats in a helicopter.

But Sakura and Ino are wasted and he wanted to be the responsible one out of the three. He just … He just forgot what two people in love would do while intoxicated. All he was thinking about was getting the girls a warm place to sleep and a glass of water to wash down the alcohol and nestling himself on the couch for the night.

That was all on his mind until he heard what was unmistakeable the sound of –

Sasuke closes his eyes and pretends he's been asleep all this time. He pretends it's all a bad dream. A horrible nightmare. A reality he doesn't want to face.

.
.
.

It's eight AM and he hasn't got to sleep a wink. Not a fucking wink. The whole night, he just spent his time glaring at the ceiling and wondering why on earth did he not leave?

Sasuke sits at the landing of the stairs, forehead pressed against his palm as he hunches over and listens. Sure. Sure, he knows that Sakura and Ino have had tons of sleepovers. But he also knows this one is different. It wasn't just a sleepover.

They are twenty-one years old, fresh out of university and the brides are dressed in white. They're in flowy gowns with equally styled-up flowy hair and glowing skin and a glass of champagne in their hands.

Sakura leans and whispers something to Ino, her wife, before gesturing to Sasuke in the crowd with the tip of her chin. It takes her a moment but Ino does nod her head in return.

From the corner of his eyes, he sees Sakura stand on her tippy toes to kiss the blonde girl on the lips. He instinctively lowers his eyes and stares elsewhere.

It isn't until high heels appear before his vision, does Sasuke look up. It's a mirror of the day at the beach with the glaring sun and their friends in the background and his wish on the sand.

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura's voice brings him back to his senses.

She holds his face in her small hands. Feet flat on the ground, not even bothering to put effort into a taller stance, despite him being way taller than her and Ino. He can't look elsewhere. Not really.

"Hm?" Sasuke answers, trying to sound unaffected.

"Thank you for being a good friend to me for all these years," She tells him. She doesn't catch on. Not on his feelings or the reason why he's stayed and sacrifice so much of his life for her.

He wants to hold his breath and not answer. But he does. "Anything for you, Sakura."

 end