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David: HIYA FOLKS
Gabriel: Oh look, a total idiot. Haven’t seen one of those in a long time.
Peter: I like this guy.
David: THANK YOU!
Gabriel:... I thought we were friends, Peter
Peter: UM, we are, but, this guy seems fun. Where are we going anyway?
David: I SURE AM FUN AND WE ARE GOING TO LAKE LILAC!
Gabriel: No we’re not. We’re going to the 711
Peter: We can go to 711 and THEN go to Lake Lilac.
David: THAT’S A GREAT IDEA PETER! WE CAN GET SLUSHIES!
Gabriel: I don’t eVEN KNOW YOU AND NEITHER DOES PETER WTF ARE YOU?!?!?!
David: HEY YOU SHOULDN'T SWEAR EVEN IF IT IS AN ACRONYM
Peter: Thank you, dude. See? He’s a good guy!
Gabriel: Whatever…. Imma go find Sammy
David: HEY DON’T LEAVE US FRIEND
Peter: Yeah don’t leave me with a stranger I just met!
Gabriel: I DON’T FUCKING KNOW YOU!!!!!! Peter, c’mon, and leave the strange, homeless man over there.
David: FIRST: LANGUAGE. SECOND: I’VE ONLY BEEN HOMELESS SINCE CAMP CAMPBELL SHUT DOWN 2 YEARS AGO
Gabriel: Oh, my ba- TWO FUCKING YEARS YOU DIDN’T JUST TURN HOMELESS JFC
David: lAUnGuAgE
Gabriel: Fuck. Off.
DAVID: *GASP*
Peter: *leaves to go to 711 with Gabriel’s wallet*
David: *Follows Peter* HIYA FRIEND
Gabriel: *snaps all of the money out his wallet into his own hand so Peter got everything and couldn’t pay*
Peter: Hey man! Want to go to 711? I think I have money to pay for both of us! *checks wallet* HEY! GABRIEL, WHY ARE YOU POOR?
David: DON’T WORRY I CAN PAY I HAVE 10000000000000000 ROBUX
Gabriel: *hears Peter “praying” to him* BECAUSE I DON’T NEED MONEY BECAUSE IM A GODDAMNED ARCHANGEL
Peter: Then can you give me some money please? *gives puppy dog eyes*
Gabriel: No. And only Sam can use the puppy eyes.
Peter: Well then give me a slush.
Gabriel: No.
Peter: Why not? You’re not my dad.
Gabriel: Exactly, so why are you asking me for money and slushes? Ask your new homeless friend.
David: SO WE ARE FRIENDS LIKE I SAID
Peter: Yeah man. Introduce me to this robux you talk about.
Gabriel: *under his breath* when the fuck did I get in this 7-11
David: JUST PAY FOR A COMPUTER FOR ME SO I CAN ACTUALLY GET ON ROBLOX AND I’LL SHOW YOU!
Peter: I can make an account on my computer and then you can transfer money to me so I can buy some 7-11.
Gabriel: That doesn’t make any Goddamn sense and neither does this whole shebang
David: IT DOESN´T NEED TO MAKE SENSE GABRIEL! ALL WE NEED IS FRIENDSHIP AND A GOOD OL’ CAMPFIRE SONG!!!
Gwen (the clerk): oh god
Peter: Well if you were ACTUALLY my friend you would give me some money! GABRIEL
David: PETER THAT’S NOT WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR.
Gabriel: That’s exactly what friends are for.
David: *suddenly collapses because it was actually Max pretending to be David while inhabiting a copy of his body.*
Max: Ex-fucking-actly whatever the fuck your name is.
Peter: And drinking at a bar.
Gabriel: What the fuck just happened? SAM
Sam: *randomly appears* wat
Peter: HI SAM! We’re just going to 711 but Gabriel is being mean and not paying.
Sam: Why does he have to pay?
Max: How the fuck do you know each other’s names?
Peter: BECAUSE he is an Archangel and I have no money. Or robux.
Sam: That still doesn’t make any sense.
JD: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN MY SLUSHIE STORE
Veronica: JD that's rude, remember?
Peter: To buy some slushies! Gabriel’s paying.
Gabriel: FUCK NO SAM LETS GO *he and Sammy disappear*
Peter: Um, okay. I get that i’m supposed to be a superhero, but screw this you don’t know i’m Spiderman I’m robbing this store! Don’t tell aunt May.
Max: There are security cameras dipshit.
Peter: Well then walk outside so I can steal around 3 dollars.
Max: *kills himself from the stupidity around him*
Peter: YES HIS WALLET IS MINE!
Max: For fucks sake I’m ten, I only have like 5 dollars.
Peter: *turns to JD* I want a slushie. It costs that much.
Max: God fucking dammit you’re an idiot, I was saying that I don’t have any money.
JD: Sorry, we don’t sell slushies to absolute losers.
Peter: Sorry but I don’t actually care.
Max: I suddenly like you just a bit more, now we just need to get you to swear and you’ll be like a jar of cookies.
Peter: Thanks man! I don’t know what that means!
Max: And he’s an idiot again. I made it up dumbass.
JD: GET OUT OF MY STORE OR I’LL BLOW YOU ALL UP
Max: Bluff.
Peter: OK *grabs slushie and leaves*
Veronica: Not again…
JD: *literally blows up his store, but, because he is a ghost, nothing happens to him*
Max: *the explosion didn’t affect him so he just sighs* God these people are retards.
Gabriel: Max, we’re adopting you because these people are going to corrupt you with their weirdness.
Max: Nah, David and Gwen already adopted me at the end of season 2.
Peter: Well if he’s taken… *bangs on window* ADOPT ME!
Max: Why the fuck are you here again?
Peter: I’LL SWEAR AND ALSO BE GAY!
Max: Wait wait wait. You want me to adopt you?
Peter: Sure man. You seem cool.
Max: Jesus. You’re like what 18?
Peter: 16. And you look like 11. But, if you won’t take me, i’ll call on Gabriel Who’s not my lord and savior.
Max: You do that.
Peter: GABRIEL GET YO ASS DOWN HERE!
Gabriel: *from Heaven, probably* No. I’m fucking Sammy right now fuck off
Max: What the fuck
Peter: Well, after will you sign some papers for me? Like 1000?
Gabriel: hahahahahahahahahahaha no.
Peter: Ok, 1001. And without reading them. You can just snap your fingers, remember?
Gabriel: I don’t know what I would be signing if I did that and I’m not going to read it all so no. why am I down here again? And I’m naked this time.
Max: This is worse when I walked in on the Quartermaster and his BDSM fuckbuddies in the cave.
Peter: SHUT UP DUDE. Oh, it’s just so I can be with another family across the world. Not in yours, obviously. But I need an archangel's approval.
Gabriel: just ask Lucifer.
Peter: Oh hell no.
Max: God.
Peter: Don’t curse my lord and saviour!
Gabriel: It’s fine, Peter. He prefers the name Chuck, anyway.
Peter: Ok, dad. Sign the papers, please? For Sammy?
Gabriel: SHIT! IGOTTAGOBYE
Peter: Screw you dad. I know! I’ll forge his signature!
Gabriel: IM NOT YOUR DAD AND I DONT HAVE A-- GODDAMN SON WHY AM I DOWN HERE AGAIN WHERE EVEN ARE WE THE 711 BLEW UP
Peter: You will be! And we need to stay here incase someone tries to take the slushie maker. I’m a hero after all.
Max: The slushie machine is fucking blown up goddammit.
Gabriel: I’m only interested in adopting Max, you’re too shitty, Peter.
Max: Yeah, um no thanks.
Peter: I have to lick the rubble for slush now. And i’ll try not to shit as much dad. I promise.
Gabriel: I don’t take shits; I’m and Archangel, I don’t need to.
Max: You don’t even fucking question that.
Peter: Then i’ll only do number 1 in the toilet.
Gabriel: I don’t do anything of the sort, except cum.
Max: I did not need to know that.
Peter: Sam does. SOOOO you can accept me too. I will not interrupt you, you may even be impressed by the last porn video I did. I was a star! *looks towards the camera* It was called “Incest in the Stark Family” on the ArchiveOfOurOwn account LiteralCancerTM, go check it out!
Gabriel: OK, this is getting too weird. END OF ROLEPLAY GOODBYE
Peter: WAIT! I NEED TO SHOW YOU MY VIDEO!!