Chapter Text
Evan
Dear Mom,
Sorry. I'm sorry for all the pain and sorrow I've caused. Please don't mourn over me too long. I'm sorry for all the money I've wasted and the extra hours you had to spend working so I could eat. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I couldn't have been the daughter you've always wanted I love you forever
Love,
Your son,
Evan Hansen.
I read the note again, letting tears fall onto the paper. I fold it up and stick it in my coat pocket. I start climbing, gripping the tree branches as I got higher and higher, before I reach the top. The blue sky seems so close. The sun shines on my face, and the light breeze makes me feel so calm. I let myself cry. I look around at the trees, the vines and the fields of tall grasses. I can see the edge of town from up here.
I know no one in the town will look for me. It’ll take weeks before they find me. I look one last time at the trees and the silhouettes of birds. I let the sun shine down on me and smile as a tear slides down my cheek.
I'm glad this is the last thing I'll ever see.
I let go.
Connor
I love walking through the forest. It’s calming, and the pictures turn out great. I stop in a field of tall grass and wildflowers, bend down and- click. I set my camera down and lay in the grass, and stretch out under the sun. I might be a violent asshole everywhere else, but being alone with trees makes me feel- okay, for a little while.
CRASH.
I sit up and check my surroundings. I don’t see anything... did a tree fall? Oh. I hear the ugliest sobbing ever.
Maybe a kid fell out of a tree. I think about moving on, but what would some kid be doing this deep in the forest? I pick myself up and start walking in the direction of the crying.
The body lies twisted, the left arm bent at unnatural angles. The grotesque sight, complete with a puddle of blood, is making me tear up. I wanted to run away and hide in a bush... but I couldn't just leave them.
"Hello?" I called out cautiously. The person twisted their head around and screamed. Snot and tears run down their face, which was bloody from the cut on their cheek. It was an ugly sight.
"Oh, god. You need help.” This observation feels really obvious now that it’s left my mouth. “Can I touch you? Why were you climbing a tree? Is anybody else here?" They open their mouth to say something, but end up just sobbing. Oh lord. This is pitiful.
I sigh, not knowing what to do except drive them to the ER. "Can I touch you?"
They nod. I pick them up and carry them to my car. I may be a dick but I'm not going to leave some poor kid in the forest to bleed to death.
I set them down in the passenger seat and start driving to the hospital.
After a few minutes, they’d calmed down enough that I thought they could talk. "So, man, what's your name?" I ask.
It was a moment before they responded. I thought it was a combination of the pain and the tears, but something about the silence also seemed like hesitation.
"Emma Hansen?" they say finally. It sounds more like a question than an answer. But I don’t press it- she probably knows me as that kid who threw the printer at the teacher in 2nd grade.
Evan
I didn't know what to say my name was. Evan Hansen? or Emma Hansen? I go with Emma. It’s my birth name, and no one knows me as Evan anyway.
The car ride is quiet. No music. No questions, other than my name. It gives me time to think... which probably isn't a good idea, because before long, we pull up to the ER, and I start to panic.
What if mom is there? Oh, no, what if mom is my nurse? What if someone reads the note??
"Emma?”
I look over at the boy who’d driven me. “Are you okay?" he asks. I nod and try to smile. He helps me out of the car and practically carries me into the ER.
"Emma? What happened?!" The nurse at the front desk asks. I look up to see it was Anna, one of my moms closest coworkers. I didn't answer because I was looking at the floor, letting my tears hit the tile, trying not to let out a sob.
She turned to the kid who was with me. "Sir, what happened?"
"She fell out of a tree... at least, I think," he answers.
He sits with me as I wait for a doctor, and still while I get patched up. He’s still there when my cast is on and I’m just waiting for my mom to come get me.
My mom bursts into the room, scrubs still on. "Emma! Oh my god, baby, are you okay?"
.I nod and try to give her a smile. She smiles back, relieved, and turns to look at the boy. "Thank you so much. I'm Heidi, Emma’s mother. What's your name again?"
"Connor Murphy." Oh, gosh, really? The kid who threw a printer at the teacher in the second grade?
Mom beams at him. "Thank you so much, Connor, for finding Emma! I don't know what I would have done if I got home and she was missing." She breathes, wrapping her arms around Connor.
I stare at my cast. Connor Murphy… huh.
I know Connor- well, not know, more like know of. He's a druggy who skips class all the time and gets into fights. Not the type of person I expected to drive me to the ER.
Connor
A woman wearing scrubs bursts through the door.
"Emma! Oh my god, baby, are you okay?" Emma nods and smiles. For a kid who just fell out of a fucking tree, she sure is set on being okay.
The woman turns and looks at me. "Thank you so much. I'm Heidi, Emma’s mother. What's your name again?"
"Connor Murphy."
"Thank you so much, Connor, for finding Emma! I don't know what I would have done if I got home and she was missing." She breathes, wrapping her arms around me. I glance at Emma stare at her cast. I know she recognizes me and probably doesn't want me around, so I left her with her mother. As I left, I noticed a folded piece of paper, making sure she wasn't looking at me, I swept up the paper. I knew it was probably wrong, but my curiosity got the better of me. I unfolded it.
"Dear Mom
sorry. I'm sorry for all the pain and sorrow I've caused. Please don't mourn over me too long. I'm sorry for all the money I've wasted and the extra hours you had to spend working so I could eat. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I couldn't have been the daughter you always wanted. I love you forever
Love,
Your son
Evan Hansen"
It was a suicide note.