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Part 1 of Tear You To Pieces
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2018-06-24
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5,256
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1/1
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In Their Triumph Die

Summary:

Kylo needs to know he’ll be respected under his new title as Supreme Leader. He no longer begs for attention, but commands it.

Notes:

Purely self-indulgent, aggressive dubcon idea I've had since seeing TLJ. This is not a happy story because they are not happy people despite my wishes for them to be

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

He’d had enough - enough of the snide looks and occasional chortle when he reminded Hux of his title Supreme Leader, enough refusing to address him as such, enough of the petty disagreements at tactical meetings, enough of making him look like a fool.  Previously, he’d have thrown a fit, destroyed chunks of the base, had to have failed on some epic proportion to garner ill-distributed pieces of General Armitage Hux’s attention. He could never acknowledge when Kylo had done something right, tried to earn a positive reaction for once. But now, with Snoke dead and the title of Supreme Leader rightfully his, Hux would have no choice but to acknowledge him with all due respect and recognition lest he face due punishment.

So, when General Hux walked into his chambers holding no air of deference, still looking down his nose, seemingly not learned his lesson from often aggressive attempts to correct him… Ren’s blood boiled.

“Is there a reason you’ve summoned me to your private quarters, Ren? Are you wasting my time or do you need something more... personal?” the general asked, beginning to remove his gloves with the assumption it was the latter.

“You are to address me as Supreme Leader Ren now, General .”

“Alright then Supreme Leader, ” he sneered, “I have more pressing matters to attend to than standing around stroking your misplaced ego. If you merely wanted to remind me that you got an empty title with no merits, I’ll be going. One of us actually has to run the First Order.”

How dare he.

Hux turned his back to Ren, returning to the door.

“You will not.”

Hux paused, glanced over his shoulder at his Supreme Leader , and laughed. “You seem to believe I take orders from you now?”

“I am your superior.”

“In delusion only. Did you really think murdering Snoke and stealing the title of Supreme Leader would actually make people, let alone me, respect you? I’m not one of your sycophants, Ren. You’re no more than a child playing make-believe in a throne room.” Hux faced him straight on again, mouth still cocked in a grin. Closing the distance between them, he stroked Ren’s cheek with the back of his gloved hand. “Last I checked you know nothing of leadership and you’ll do well to take orders from me out there,” he nodded towards the door, “and in here.”

How dare he.

Hux glanced towards Ren’s clenched fists, eyes trailing up and noting each tensed muscle in his torso, his jaw hard-set to presumably hide a trademark mercurial pout, before finally settling back on Ren’s simmering eyes. “If you’re cranky because you feel I’ve been neglecting you I’m sure I can do something to set you straight.”

Ren’s hand jutted from his side to clench Hux’s collar. “That won’t be necessary. And you’ll do well to check your tongue when speaking to those above your station.”

Hux brushed Ren’s hand away, laughing once more. “Oh yes, what do you plan to do? Wave your hand, do some magic and make me -” He gasped for breath as Kylo rushed him, shoving him backwards and pinning him to the wall, arm pressing into his throat.

“No need for that,” Ren growled. Moving his arm off of his subordinate’s trachea, he gripped Hux by the nape of his neck. He jerked Hux’s head up. “You’re going to listen to me, Armitage.”

When he received no answer, merely another smirk and eyes ablaze with intrigue, he twisted Hux to press the side of his face into the wall. The other man still seemed to be under the impression this was some elaborate joke, chuckling while Ren’s hand held his face firmly wedged against the cold metal.

Hux’s laugh echoed back at him from Ren’s lips, sardonic. Then, in one blur of motion, Ren pulled him back and smashed his head against the wall. “Tell me what you want.”

“You’re a fucking disaster and a disgrace to the entire First Order!” Used to be he could get away with such liberal insults should Ren be in the mood, putty under his touch and eager for the praise to come. Now only rage caught behind Ren’s big, dark eyes, not need.

Kylo pulled back his free hand and punched him in the stomach.

“After everything I’ve ever done for you, this is how you treat me?” Hux wheezed.

His free hand wandered south, cupping Hux’s semi-hard cock, causing the other man to involuntarily twitch into the touch.

“You don’t seem to be objecting. And,” Ren withdrew his hand from Hux’s groin, pulling away and landing another hit to his midsection. “You’ve done nothing for me.” The word ‘nothing’ rang out through the room, Kylo’s voice rising. Everything around them rattled in what Hux assumed was some outpouring of the Force brought upon by Ren's anger.

Doubled over, panting, and unwelcome arousal creeping up on him, Hux glared up at Ren and spat out, “Fuck off.”

Yes, Ren was undoubtedly attractive like this - aggressive and full of untamed energy, something to consume him and spit him out on the other side mussed and possibly bruised, ultimately fulfilled, but there'd never been such pure malice when it surfaced. General distaste but never this.

Never this.

Ren’s grip found its way up from the base of Hux’s neck and dug into his scalp. “Tell me. What you. Want.”

The fight in Hux’s eyes began to melt away into fear, whimpering as Ren’s nails bore into his skin; he already felt a small rivulet of blood trailing down his temple from his first collision.

“Tell me!” Another thud of his head meeting the wall.

His brain rapidly flipped through indices, searching any and all phrases that fell from Kylo’s lips when begging, any prayer uttered in submission, desperately hunting for anything to appease the man standing above him, before finding the perfect fit - one of his favorites to hear Ren murmur while he writhed beneath his touch, the one that always brought him undone: “Use me.”

Ren’s grip eased. He moved in, mouth slamming against Hux’s before slowing into a steady rhythm. For a moment, he’d forgotten his posturing, melting comfortably into Hux. Hux returned in kind, sighing into Ren’s mouth with the welcome breath of normalcy. And for a moment Kylo paused, wondering what he was doing, why was he doing this, when giving way to his general felt natural, easy. This was simple, to slide into Hux’s touch, become pliant beneath his hands - one coasting his waist and the other slowly prying to rest upon the back of his--

Ren bit into Hux’s lip seconds before the other man could close his hand at the nape of his neck. No flirtatious overtones, no delusions it was for pleasure - he kissed him and bit down, holding tight as he pulled away. Hux frantically tried to reason how much force it would take to tear off someone’s lip, an action he wasn’t putting past the Kylo he’d found himself trapped with, when he was released, Ren wiping blood from his mouth with the back of his hand. The taste enveloped Hux’s mouth, not unfamiliar. He spat red and snarled, teeth bloodied. “That all?”

“Just that you should have killed me when you had the chance."

"You're right. I should have done it any time over the past five years when the opportunity arose you stupid prick."

As if in answer, Ren flung him to the ground, Hux barely catching himself before his face cracked against the floor. He straightened up to sit against the wall, Ren cornering him now. Hux knew it wouldn’t be as simple as standing up and leaving now, no demands, no orders could save him - Ren’s mind was caught on a singular purpose and his only hope was to weather it until Ren exhausted himself like every other fit of rage.

Cock freed from his robes, Kylo hauled Hux back up onto his knees.

“Beg.”

Hux stared up at him, temple and lips now dripping scarlet. “You don’t beg someone to beg.”

His reward was a slap to the face. He spat blood again but said nothing - staring, trying to reclaim the anger coursing through him, gain back even a sliver of the massive ground he’d lost.

Ren struck him again. “This is the cure for insolence, isn’t it? Now, beg .”

Pieces began shifting into place. A frustrated mimicry of anything Hux had done to him with none of the consideration - a poor man’s imitation of dominance. It was a child playing dress-up in their parent’s clothes then thinking themselves qualified as an adult. Ren’s shitty, shitty attempt at power play. Stupid, foolish boy.

Another strike.

“Beg!” This time a shout, a shrill, manic demand. Desperation.

“Please, please use me,” Hux repeated in a moan, looking up through his lashes, dropping his mouth open, tongue rolling out. He traced the movement of Ren’s hand, grateful when it moved from striking range and back into his hair.

Without warning, Ren pressed in, shoving himself to the back of Hux’s throat - a sizable tasting of blood coming with it. Hux’s throat seized around him in attempt to cough. As Ren pushed in again, Hux did his best to both hollow his cheeks and slacken his jaw, remain pliant and open, but he found that hard when he felt compelled to grit his teeth in rage. Ren laced his other hand through his hair, pumping himself into Hux’s mouth, cock streaked crimson on the outtake.

“Good boy,” he cooed.

Glaring up, tears streaking from his eyes from the strain, Hux clenched his jaw, teeth scraping hard against the oral intrusion. Ren responded in opposite effect, shoving in as far as possible, forcing Hux’s nose into his pubic hair as he fucked his face. Wet, ugly gagging filled the otherwise silent room.

Hux’s green eyes flew open, looking up in panic at Ren’s seemingly delighted face. He desperately tried to open his mouth wider, pull more air in as Ren shifted a hand from his scalp to cover his nose. The throbbing in his temple, the ache in his jaw, the pain deep in his follicles - each screamed out tenfold as his airway became compromised, as if his body was taking inventory of each injury before shutting down. He’d never been under any delusion that Kylo couldn’t kill him, simply trusting that he wouldn’t. The conviction of the second was crumbling with each move the other man made.

Blood pounded in his ears, heart skipping into fight or flight as his breath stopped. His nose was obviously shut, his mouth clogged, and what short wheezes he could pull in didn’t suffice and only resulted in swallowing down saliva and blood. Would he honestly die via suffocation with a cock in his mouth? The million other ways Ren could do him in and this is what the chose? Yet he didn’t dare try to push off; not with a mouth filled with the copper of his own blood and bruises surely blooming with more to come.

Fog set in over his brain. His lungs burned. His vision swam. He felt himself slowing, moved only by the hand at the back of his skull. Don’t let me die like this don’t let me die like this don’t let me -

Ren laughed and pressed harder against either side of Hux’s nose. “I could kill you, you know.”

He wasn’t sure if it was a good guess or if Ren was taking advantage of his brain valuing survival over guarding his thoughts. Hux did his best to make eye contact through the haze overcoming him, and mustered what brain function he could to aggressively think, Spare the indignity and fucking do it.

"I'd rather you remember the humiliation." With a sharp pull, Hux was released from Ren’s groin, immediately hacking up fluid erroneously inhaled. Were it not for Ren’s everpresent hold on his hair, he’d be curled on the unforgiving floor, shaking with the force of his coughs.

“See how merciful your Supreme Leader is?”

All he could do was nod, too busy gasping down air into his now-cleared lungs to speak.

“Now…” Ren tapped his boot against Hux’s groin, cock beginning to strain against his pants, “tell me again what you want?”

He couldn’t think straight, couldn’t study Ren for the right answer, his ticket out. So, he told closest to the truth. “You…” he rasped.

“I can’t hear you.”

“You!” he keened, voice raw.

“‘You’ what?”

“You… in me” Hux swallowed down the lump in his throat, chest heaving. “You in me. Please.” He disgusted himself with the words - not that they were fully a lie, but they were a truth for different circumstances. For when his heart wasn't caught between pulsing out if his sternum and halting entirely. For when he could believe Ren was in control of himself - or as in control as Ren could be. When each movement didn’t feel like a gamble on his life.

Ren tightened his grip in orange locks and crossed the antechamber. Hux clawed for grip against the smooth floor, trying in vain to gain control of his own movement as Ren dragged him along. Door to the bedroom sliding open, Ren stopped, tugged Hux to stand upright, and promptly threw him onto the bed.

Propping himself up on hands and knees, a logical position to assume when oh-so-delicately placed onto a bed face down, Hux desperately tried to catch his breath. Ren yanked his ankle, sending him flying back onto his stomach and pulled him to the edge of the bed where he stood.

“Over.”

Ren kept his grip viselike. Hux weighed his options - either he turned himself and trusted Ren to loosen his grip or he let himself be flipped over, again trusting Ren to loosen up. Both also included the possibility that Kylo held right, locking Hux’s ankle against the rest of his body and risking a break.

“Are you listening to me?”

He nodded. Starting to roll over, he was relieved to find the hold on his ankle gave way. He was halfway over when a hand clamped down again and flipped him - air knocked from his lungs with the sudden impact against the bed. But there was no sudden pain. No break.

“Disrobe.”

Easily the least threatening command he’d been given thus far, Hux complied without grimace and shimmied out of his uniform. Though, he made note to painstakingly fold each item of clothing before setting it on the floor next to the bed, noting Ren’s growing impatience as he did so.

“Spread your legs.”

Still attempting to at least look the part of defiance, Hux glowered and slowly pulled his legs away from each other. Unsatisfied, Ren grabbed each splotchy knee and jerked Hux open.

“By now, I’d have thought you would have learned that defying me gets you nowhere, Armitage.” His first name dripped with venom.

The first finger entered with no warning, no lubrication - hard, fast, dry. Hux yelped. Slowly, Ren moved inside him, surprisingly gentle compared to his entry. “If you promise you can behave, I'll be considerate and take some of the edge off.”

Hux nodded, arm thrown across his face. “I’ll be good. I’ll be good, I promise.” Another line he’d made Ren use.

In his first physical display of the Force that night, Ren pulled a bottle of lubricant over to the bed. Dripping the smallest amount he could manage while still making things easier on Hux, he inserted a second finger. Hux was already on the brink of screaming with need, using every fiber of his being to resist bucking back onto Kylo. Though, he couldn’t stop the slight gyration of his hips.

With his free hand, Ren pressed down on Hux’s hip, pinning him in place. “How needy.”

He continued his slow, shallow ministrations, purposely avoiding the prostate every other time. Hux whined beneath him. Leaving him with a number of quick, properly angled thrusts, Kylo withdrew his fingers and left Hux twitching for completion.

Ren had reopened his trousers, cock still hard and tinged red. Moving his hand from Hux’s hip, he pulled the other man’s arm away from his face and held both wrists above Hux’s head.

“You're going to…” he faltered for the first time thus far, “You're going to look at me while I break you.” His voice pitched down, a sound Hux immediately recognized as Ren overcompensating for upcoming tears. And, try as he might to suppress it, Hux noticed Ren’s features contorting into that stupid, hideous face he made when biting back emotion.

Ren lightly lubricated himself and shoved in, hand moving back to dig in to the space just under the pelvic bone, the other crushing delicate wrists as he held tight to Hux. Hux choked out a moan, ashamed of himself. He looked divine, Kylo thought, pale skin stark against his dark sheets, lips swollen and agape, the red hair fanning from his head a welcome accent of color. He wanted to keep him here - a bug pinned to a board.

Hux met Ren in countermeasure, rolling down on him each time he tried to pull out, writhing and clenching to keep the Supreme Leader in him as deeply as possible. Let himself have a brief moment of pleasure in an otherwise horrid night. Ren released Hux’s wrists, his right hand moving to join his left on angular hips. He yanked Hux further down the bed.

Without thinking, Hux lowered his left hand, reaching out with his thumb softly pressing into the scar at Ren’s jawline. Ren fell against him, face buried in his neck, arms on either side of him. Any other night he’d venture to call it a hug.

“Why am I never enough for you,” Ren breathed against him, nearly inaudible. Each word punctuated with a thrust.

You act like this for a start.

But another part of him wanted to reach out and hold Kylo, stroke his hair and whisper that he was enough, what a good boy he always was for him, how well he listened and took his instructions, slip back into roles they knew and be done with it.

Instead, Ren bit into him, eliciting a shout - the tender spell between them broken as quickly as it had manifested. Ren righted himself at the foot of the bed, hands clenching at Hux’s waist who was left bleeding beneath him once more. He held tighter, fucked harder. Hux wanted to scream. He wanted to touch himself - ease off the pressure - but knew that wouldn’t please Ren. Ren needed him on edge, suffering, begging. And so he let go any dignity he retained... and begged.

The first noise was low, the ghost of a moan. Ren’s rhythm stuttered at the noise, surprised by even the smallest outburst. Slowly, he dragged himself out. Then, with Hux on the brink of a whine at the loss, he slammed back in, Hux’s head flying back. A strained moan, gaining pitch and volume with each move Ren made.

“Is that so?"

Hux nodded, quick breathy utterances tumbling from his mouth. His legs ached, not used to being stretched this far and the pressure on his hips felt as though Ren was about to snap him in in half at the waist.

“Ren, yes, oh fuck yes -” Messy, undignified pleas as Ren fucked him. Words he’d be ashamed of as soon as he remembered them the next day. The last sound sputtered out of his mouth as Kylo reached down to clamp his hand around his throat. The physical hold was utterly different from the pressure of the Force he’d felt there multiple times. Primal and exhilarating to feel Ren’s actual strength squeezing the life from him. Almost… intimate compared to the spectral grip Ren normally preferred.

Armitage .” His name came out a warning. Ren didn’t stop his frenetic, relentless pattern. Hux’s cock screamed red against his equally flushed body, precome leaking across his stomach.

“Yes Supreme Leader - shit, yes fuck me. Please, Supreme Leader, please let me come!” His eyes rolled back. Everything within him screamed for release but he didn’t dare climax without explicit permission. More. Please just a little more.

“Let an insubordinate like you come? Why should I give you the gratification?” Sweat plastered his hair to his forehead, a few loose strands dangling across his eyes.

Hux whined, back arching up into Kylo.

“Please," he rasped, bordering tears.

Please just let me be done with this.

Ren shifted to put his weight behind the hand at Hux's throat. He rutted there, angry and hateful, until he sat at the brink of his orgasm, taking all the willpower he had to pull out from Hux's warmth.

"Your knees," he commanded, breath ragged.

Immediate obedience. Hux scrambled to set himself on his knees at Ren’s feet.

Ren smirked. Even the most stubborn of animals could be taught tricks after all. “I am going to grace your beautiful,” he traced Hux’s bottom lip with his thumb, “face with my come. You’re not to touch yourself until told. Am I understood?”

“Yes.”

Ren’s smile faded, features hardening once more. “Yes what ?” he hissed, hand primed to strike once more.

“Yes… Supreme Leader Ren,” Hux wept.

The smile returned with another gentle tracing of Hux’s lips. “Good boy.”

Kylo stood over him, hand around his cock while the other kept a firm grip in mussed red hair and jerking off just out of reach. The tip of his cock would ever so briefly flutter across Hux’s lips, making his own member twitch and wish for similar care. With a muted grunt, hot, sticky threads of Ren’s semen splattered onto his face, dripping eye to chin. Even worse, Kylo dragged the head of his cock across the barest spot of Hux’s cheek to wipe away any remaining excess. He released Hux and stepped back.

“You may come now.”

Hux’s hands flew to his own cock. He lasted three short pulls before bracing himself on the floor, a hoarse, melancholy shout ripping through him as his ejaculate pooled beneath him. Immediately he looked up for Ren’s response.

“Lick up your mess.”

Hux blanched.

“I said,” Ren took hold of Hux’s head once more, “lick it up,” and shoved his face into his own come. When Hux bent over, bracing himself on his hands and knees, Ren tapped his ribs with his boot. “Hands behind your back.”

Again, he obeyed.

He lapped his own rapidly cooling come into his mouth, choking down the congealing mess and hoping he wasn’t noticeably grimacing. As he slid his tongue over the last streak, Kylo kept him in place with a boot against his shoulder. He looked up at Ren, eyes bloodshot.

“Tell me Armitage, what have we learned tonight?”

“We learned that I… I answer to you, our Supreme Leader.”

Ren removed his foot. He reached down, gently taking Hux’s arm to guide him back into standing position, then leaned back to admire the mess he’d created. He came back in to kiss Hux’s sticky, semen-riddled lips.

“There is your reward for listening so well,” he whispered, breath tickling the small hairs near Hux’s ears. Ren regained his stiff posture upon pulling away. “Now go clean yourself up. You look absolutely nauseating and I won’t have such a mess seen on my ship.”

Hux nodded and turned towards the small ensuite refresher.

“Stop.”

He stopped.

“You’ll use your own facilities.”

“Ren” he caught himself before the word could fully form, “Supreme Leader. You can’t be serious.” His quarters weren’t far and surely Ren had no intention of parading him nude, but there was little he could do to hide his visibly debauched face.

“It’s a quick walk if you keep brusque pace.” Ren moved his hand towards the door, causing both the bedroom door and the main entrance to open with a pneumatic hiss. Hux stayed rooted in place. He could see a sliver of the corridor from where they were. To walk the halls of his ship, to be seen by those he commanded, those who need respect him and his authority… the thought nearly made him vomit.

“I’d recommend you dress yourself before someone walks by,” Ren commented, doors still open and Hux still stripped bare.

Dressed once more and dutifully trailing behind Ren, Hux timidly stepped into the corridor, eyes frantically scanning the area. A janitorial droid was stationed at one end, paying them no mind, while a pair of techs passed as they exited, equally oblivious to the two men standing near them.

Was it luck or a spare moment of compassion from Kylo that averted anyone’s gaze from his sticky, abused face as they walked? Fear and gratitude overrode any desire to know the real answer. His heart slammed in his chest, breaths too shallow to rightly fill his lungs. He didn’t know when he’d memorized it but he found himself knowing the exact amount of paces between his quarters and Supreme Leader Ren’s. Forty more steps and he’d be free this torture.

Ren stopped. The blood froze in Hux’s veins. What was he doing? There was no one around at the moment but who knows when anyone could walk around the corner and see them, see him. Hux could see the door to his room. An involuntary whine escaped his throat.

“We were going to to stand here to the count of thirty, but let’s make it sixty since you have something to say about it.”

He immediately swallowed further objections.

Familiar white armor rounded the corner; Hux’s breath caught in his throat. He didn’t know the stormtrooper, obviously, but there was no way the trooper wouldn’t know him. Would know this was their General standing in front of them with blood and a… mysterious substance coating his face and ragged hair.

“Trooper!” Ren barked.

The trooper came to attention. “Yes Supreme Leader Ren, sir?”

“I’ve been looking for General Hux. Tell me, have you seen him recently?”

“No sir I…” the trooper paused for a moment, helmet turning slightly in Hux’s direction before cocking to the side inquisitively. “I… thought I saw him a moment ago but I believe I was mistaken. May I suggest his office or his quarters?”

Ren nodded. “I'll do just that. Thank you.” Hux could hear the giddiness in his voice, so excited by his own little joke.

“Sir,” the trooper nodded their head and continued their way down the hall. Hux sighed in relief.

“Did you really think I’d allow my best General to walk around ready to be disparaged and mocked by his subordinates?”

Yes.

“No, Supreme Leader. I apologize for doubting you.” Answer received. Good to know shitty mysticism could be useful for more than tantrums.

That interaction must’ve taken nearly half their time, if his counting hadn’t been thrown off by his held breath and sheer terror of discovery. Just count back up to thirty and they could finish crossing the hall, he could fall into the comfort of his own rooms, could finally wash himself and peel each layer of humiliation off.

His heart continued to stutter in his chest - he’d counted thirty again, they should be moving towards his door not standing aimlessly in the middle of the corridor. What if someone else came around the bend? Was Ren constantly projecting some sort of ‘this is not the general you are looking for’ or did he have to do it per person? What if someone caught sight of him before Ren could do anything? Why weren’t they moving, why weren’t they moving, why weren’t they-

“Come along, Armitage,” Ren said, resuming his stride. It took Hux a moment to process the information, brain still stuck in a loop of worry, and obediently trotted to catch up.

His hands faltered, skipping numbers and stuttering across the holoscreen in his haste to find solace sequestered within his own chambers. He heard Ren ‘tsk’ behind him as the screen cast both their faces in red. A wave of disappointment swelled inside him; he was too incompetent to even enter his passcode correctly amongst all his other failings tonight. He knew his eyes were becoming glassy but he couldn’t let Ren see him cry. Of all the ways he’d obliged the Supreme Leader tonight, tears would not be one of them. At long last, his brain and hands synchronized and he was allowed entry.

Hux stepped in and turn to face Kylo, wishing this would end his trials. Ren looked him up and down in a final appraisal.

“I want you to remember this encounter. And I want you to remember how easily you can be put in your place should you ever think to disrespect your Supreme Leader again. Do you understand?”

Satisfied with the feeble nod, Kylo gently tilted Hux’s chin up so he could look him in the eye. He allowed his gaze to soften, his mouth to release his scowl. “Now do get cleaned up and get some rest…”

“Yes Su-” before he even had the chance to answer, Ren tightened his grasp, squeezing Hux’s jaw to the point he worried something would crack.

“Because I can’t have such a vile excuse for my Grand Marshal showing up on the bridge tomorrow looking this pathetic.” Not content to let him wallow in the current mount of disgrace heaped upon him, Ren spat in Hux’s face as a farewell and stormed back to his own quarters.

He wasn’t sure if it was the final indignity of being literally spat upon or the full culmination of events, but Hux found his feet mounted in place just inside his doorway. At least he’d found enough sense to close and lock the door behind Ren. He barely registered the title he’d flippantly been given - who knew if Ren would even address him as such in a few hours?

And there he stood, legs locked, gaze loosely focused at the front wall of his rooms while mind slowly caught up to body. The pain from his injuries abated, as if refusal to acknowledge the ache would negate the whole experience. He didn’t know how long he stood there. He didn’t know how long he’d been in there with Ren. Either could have happened over the span of minutes or of hours and he’d be none the wiser. Then, with no recollection of willing his limbs to move him, nor of taking off his coat and shirt, he was in the harsh light of his bathroom. The white light drew out each mark’s severity - the blood brighter, the contusions uglier against his washed-out complexion.

Slowly he took inventory: the bruises blossoming across his face and neck, traitorous against his skin with the particularly egregious cluster consuming his cheek cut through with a slim laceration. The single and thankfully faint thumbprint-sized bruise at his hip. The hard to see but surely there crescent indents of Ren’s nails in his scalp. The sharp red outline of a bite. The excuses he’d need for his puffy, cut lip and scabbed, knotted temple, and the inevitable headache he’d find upon waking.

Body still moving independently of his command, he scrubbed his face. Dried semen and blood pulled at each delicate facial hair, making him wince. Looking at his once more clean, even if still discolored, face in the small mirror, he paused. His fingers curled, clinging desperately to the edge of the sink, realization dawning at how utterly ruined he looked.

He took a breath and finally, properly sobbed.

Notes:

A slightly softer pt 2 will be posted next week

 

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