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Like with most of the decision in his life, Tony hasn’t planned for this one to happen, it sort of just did; could be Saturday evening’s blues, could be the summer ending, could be dozens of other things but the truth simply is that he was missing him. Being an Avenger is not easy, but if you count in owning one of the biggest companies in the whole world on the verge of launching yet another ground-breaking product, then you realize how your life really gets spent either fighting off supervillains or in boring – yet necessary – meetings. And then, if the person you happen to be in love with is also a superhero, well the time you get to spend with them is even more limited, even more precious.
It’s been two or three weeks since they’ve seen each other in the flesh – oh, how he hates it that he can’t tell for sure how long it has been, it makes him furious with himself – and tonight Tony has promised himself that enough is enough, Sundays are meant to be kept free even if Japan is thirteen hours ahead of the East Coast which means he should actually be on his way there right now, rather than entering the Avengers base garage in upstate New York. He’ll think about that tomorrow, he’ll come up with a plan like he always does.
As he walks down the newly finished hallway he can’t help but feeling a bit antsy, a knot in his throat and his heart beat slightly accelerated; it’s not because he doesn’t think Steve wants to see him – Steve would never dismiss him like that – it’s more because his mind can’t help but wondering if the other man can already feel like this is his new home, or if it’s still something foreign that he needs to yet get accustomed to. He personally doesn’t care about that – don’t they say home is where your heart is? – but he knows that it’s important to Steve and that is the reason why a little piece of his heart gives way every single time someone decides it’s a good idea to blow the Avengers base up. It feels like the cycle is always destined to repeat itself, and that is irritating.
“FRIDAY, where is Captain Rogers?” he asks as he steps into the elevator to go up.
“The living room, sir. Reading.”
Of course he is. Probably studying up for a mission. Does he ever just stop and relax? Tony wonders, but he knows deep down that this is obviously his own job, and one of the reason why they work so well together. Tony is the one who makes Steve stop being a soldier for the time being, because if something does happen when they’re in the same room, he wouldn’t have to make apologies and feel bad for having to leave. Because of this knowledge, Steve can relax when Tony is around. He likes to think that he’s the only one who can do that.
As he steps out of the elevator, he notices just how quiet everything is, and the thought sends an involuntary shiver down his spine. Of course, new buildings always sound so silent for some reason, as if they only get a soul after humans start living in them. Which, thinking about it, it’s not too distant from the reality. But as someone who actively despises silence, Tony can’t help but worrying about Steve being apparently submerged in it. He’s only been here for five minutes, and already wants to blast something out of the sound system, just to make everything feel alive.
As FRIDAY had anticipated, Steve is in the living room, sitting on one of the couches with a dossier opened on the table, its papers spread out all over, a cup that reads “America’s #1 Superhero” (one of the many gifts Tony has got him over the years) on the coffee table next to him. That thing must be at least a decade old, he thinks, astonished at how it’s still intact and feeling an involuntary smile creeping up on his lips.
“Hey, handsome…” he says softly, approaching him from behind. Steve lifts up his head just in time as Tony lets his arms fall gently on the other man’s chest.
“Oh, hey… I didn’t know you were dropping by…”
“Me neither, it just sorta happened…” Tony replies, stretching his neck to leave a kiss on Steve’s cheek. The other man holds his breath for a second, and Tony can see goose bumps on his arm. He smiles to himself and goes sitting on the edge of the table, pushing the papers out of the way. “Who’s in?”
“I’m actually not sure, I… kind of lost track of time, I was reading up on this… Final Host, but it doesn’t make much sense to me, seems like I’m missing something…”
“Yeah, you’re missing the fact that it’s Saturday evening, you shouldn’t be working.” Tony smiles at him, gently taking the piece of paper Steve was still holding into his hands and putting it away with the rest.
“It was afternoon when I started…” Steve claims, not sounding too convincing. “Why are you here?”
“I can just go…” replies Tony, hiding his own amusement from the tone of his voice. He likes to play this game with him, no matter how many times it happens.
“Come on, that’s not what I meant…”
“Well, do I need to have a reason? This is my propriety, after all.”
“You’re Tony Stark, you always have a reason.” Steve observes, and now is Tony’s skin having goose bumps as hearing his own name pronounced by him.
“… Okay, you got me there.” he admits, and before the other can ask him the question again, he changes the subject: “It’s so quiet here, I hate it. FRIDAY? Play something suitable for a Saturday evening.”
“Yes, sir.” his A.I. promptly replies, and a couple of seconds later the upbeat of Chubby Checker’s Let’s Twist Again starts ringing in the living room.
“This song was in the top ten when I came out of the ice, just how old your playlist is?” asks Steve, frowning even though it’s clear that he approves of the choice.
“FRIDAY is programmed to choose the songs according to the taste of the people in the room. Given you’re here…” he leaves his thought hanging on purpose and just smirks at Steve.
“Jerk.” the other man replies, shaking his head and looking away to hide his smile.
Tony giggles softly and then jumps up on his feet, starting to dance to the rhythm, looking at Steve as inviting to join him; but of course he shakes his head, chuckling nevertheless.
“C’mon, let it loose…”
“You’re ridiculous…”
“At least I’m having a good time…”
Steve crosses his arms over his chest – as if he needed to make it clearer that he has no intention of following his lead – but can’t keep himself from tapping his foot along. When Tony notices it, he bends over and catches his hands, trying to pull him up, a task he eventually succeeds into when Steve decides to actually collaborate.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this…”
“That’s the spirit!”
Steve feels incredibly stupid, standing there in the living room and dancing with Tony to a tune from fifty years ago, but damn if it doesn’t feel good. Tony nods at him and goes so down on his knees that he can feel his back complaining, but he doesn’t care as long as it makes his companion smile. When the song finishes, he points his finger at him and grins: “Don’t tell me that wasn’t fun.”
“It was…”
Tony nods to himself, clearly satisfied by that response: “FRIDAY? Let’s play something more recent now. Let’s see… Oh, I’ve got it. Play Andante, Andante, by ABBA.”
The A.I. follows the command, and notes from a piano begin playing in the room.
Take it easy with me, please
Touch me gently like a summer evening breeze
Take your time, make it slow
Andante, Andante, just let the feeling grow
Tony smiles and stretches his hand towards the other man, who nervously bites his lip and stays there, indecisive about what to do.
“Come on, dance with me.” Tony invites him, knowing all too well what the other is thinking but dead set about ignoring it all the same.
“Tony… What if someone sees us? I told you, I don’t know if there’s anyone around…”
“It’s 2018, Steve. People have known about us for ages now.”
“What?!” he almost screams, and Tony can’t help but sighing. Sometimes he wonders just how clueless the other can be regarding certain things. Especially when it comes down to sentiments.
Tony moves his head according to the music, getting close to Steve and then turning, his back against the other man’s body, closing his eyes and mouthing the words along.
Make your fingers soft and light
Let your body be the velvet of the night
Touch my soul, you know how
Andante, Andante, go slowly with me now
But Steve keeps staying there like if he was frozen, although when the other takes his hands to wrap his own body with them he lets him do it. Tony smiles, leaning against his body and looking up, smiling brightly.
“C’mon, Steve, dancing means moving along with the music, not trying to be as still as possible while your partner does all the movement for you.”
Steve sighs, pretending to be annoyed, but Tony knows it’s just a façade: “If I do… promise you’ll elaborate on what you just said afterwards?”
“Deal.”
I’m your music, I’m your song
Play me time and time again and make me strong
Make me sing, make me sound
Andante, Andante, tread lightly on my ground
Andante, Andante, oh, please, don’t let me down
Steve lets one of Tony’s hands go and then spins him gently around, so that they’re now facing each other; Tony can’t help but smiling widely as it happens, because god, he loves this man so much and had missed him so badly that being in his arms now seems too good to be true. He wraps his arms around Steve’s neck and stays silent, just staring into his eyes as if it’s the first time he’s meeting him, and wonders how the hell he has managed to survive in the past when Steve was missing, or dead, or during any other shitty situation that has happened to them. That’s because I’d always do whatever I can to bring him back to me, a voice from within tells him, and yes, that is the truth. No matter the consequences or how long it might take him, he always finds a way to get his man back. Does Steve know? Probably, but he’s never said anything, and Tony guesses that maybe it’s better this way. It’s their silent pact.
“What are you smiling at?” Steve asks, bringing him back to reality.
“Us…” Tony replies, and as they keep swinging along he starts singing along.
There’s a shimmer in your eyes
Like the feeling of a thousand butterflies
Please don’t talk, go on, play
Andante, Andante, and watch me float away
Steve looks down as a shy smile appears on his lips, and Tony has to resist the impulse of starting to kiss him there and then, because when he smiles like that he can feel his whole body shivering, wanting to be affectionate. But before he loses it, Steve shifts his gaze on him and starts talking.
“You probably don’t remember this, but this is actually the second time we’re dancing to this song.”
“Huh? What are you talking about?”
“It was 1980 and it was everywhere on the Swedish radio. We were in Goteborg for a mission or something – Thor was there too – and one evening there was like a national holiday, there were little tents where people were celebrating with beer and food and you thought it was a good idea to… join in.” Steve giggles, shaking his head at the memory “At one point this song came up and you started dancing around me, much to the locals’ entertainment. I personally wanted to disappear but, you know, it was fun.”
“How do you even remember this?”
“You would too if you hadn’t been so drunk, Tony. Kinda hard to forget.”
“Alright, that does sound like me…”
I’m your music, I’m your song
Play me time and time again and make me strong
Make me sing, make me sound
Andante, Andante, tread lightly on my ground
Andante, Andante, oh, please, don’t let me down
As the music fades out, Tony grabs the hem of Steve’s t-shirt and pulls his face gently towards his, leaving a small kiss on his lips and sighing softly, smiling. Much to his surprise, the other man returns the loving gesture, though before Tony can do or say anything, he searches for his eyes and murmurs on his lips.
“Why did you never tell me that people knew about us, Tony?”
He stays silent for a couple of seconds, caressing softly the lines on Steve’s face and returning the gaze, then eventually spits it out, figuring it’s only fair to share his line of reasoning.
“Because… like it or not you were born at the beginning of last century, and the way we grow up… well, I believe it stays with us no matter what we do or how hard we try to fight it or forget it. Mind you, nobody ever came up to me and say it plain and clear, but these are our teammates we’re talking about, don’t you think they would eventually notice something was up with the two of us? I mean, I was actually surprised it took them so long, but then again, I guess the times weren’t right for a while. Anyway, I figured if I told you, you would become even more paranoid—“
“I’m not paranoid…” Steve interrupts him, complaining, but Tony gives him a meaningful look that shuts him up immediately.
“… Or worse, you would break things off between us.”
“But… It was you who did that.”
“Yes. Ever wondered why?”
The glance that Steve gives him now is one of pure confusion, which tells him that maybe he did, maybe he didn’t, but either way, he never came up with an answer that completely satisfied him. He stays silent, shaking his head.
“I did it so you wouldn’t have to. Let’s face it, you’re not that great at feelings, but damn, if there’s something you love is your country, no matter how badly it treats you. So I knew that, if it ever was gonna come down to choose between doing what you think is right and me, well… I wouldn’t stand a chance, would I? When it started to become clear that was the path we were going towards, I let you go.” he pauses, smiling a little and lowering his eyes. “I did it so that when enough time had passed, we could still have a chance.”
“A chance at what?”
“You know what I mean…”
Before Steve can ask him again – which undoubtedly it’s what was going to happen – he pulls his shirt again and kisses him gently, closing his eyes and breathing in his smell. He’s not a fan of reviving the recent past – too many painful memories, too many ghosts – but with everything that has been happening to him in the last year or so he’s made a promise to himself to not let a single moment go, no matter how small or insignificant it might appear in the present. When Steve kisses him back this time, he gently slips his tongue inside the other’s mouth, caressing it softly, which makes Tony quivering again with pleasure. He’s about to suggest they move somewhere else when a new voice calls out his name.
“Oh, here you are, Tony. I was just about to come to you.”
As Steve turns into a popsicle again in front of his eyes – Then tell me how old habits aren’t hard to die, he thinks – Tony tilts his head slightly to the side to catch a look at the new arrived, giving him a welcoming nod.
“Hey, Stephen. What’s up?”
“That molecule we were talking about yesterday. I think I’ve figured out its atomic configuration.”
Tony nods and after throwing a quick glance to Steve just to check if he’s actually breathing he approaches Stephen, who has now conjured up some papers from god knows where. Magic is not Tony’s forte.
“Let’s have a look…” he says, fishing a pair of reading glasses out of his pocket and wearing them. Strange gives him an amused glance as seeing them but says nothing. Tony stays silent for a while, studying the papers, then eventually nods and looks at Stephen. “Yeah, I think it might work. I’m gonna copy them now” he adds, touching a tiny button on his glasses to store them remotely before returning the papers to the Doctor. “Thanks for this. I’ll keep you posted.”
“Sounds good. Enjoy the rest of your evening, guys. Tony. Steve.” he says bye, and the moment after he’s disappeared into an orange circle. Magic, he thinks, shaking his head before turning to face Steve’s back again; he doesn’t think he has even flinched in the whole five minutes that Strange was in the room.
“… He’s gone, you know?” he sighs, rolling his eyes and staying there, arms crossed over his chest.
As he hears these words, Steve automatically relaxes his posture, letting a long and loud sigh of relief go; Tony would actually burst in laughter if it was up to him because the whole scene was comical to say the least.
“Do you… think he’ll act differently now?” Steve eventually asks him, turning in his direction, but before Tony can answer he spots his glasses and blinks, adding: “You wear glasses now?”
“Yeah, it’s a recent… development, so to speak. They’re not conventional glasses though. I’ve equipped them with FRIDAY, so she can scan documents and files immediately without needing to handle the hard copies.”
“Of course they’re not regular glasses, what was I thinking…” Steve replies, looking up with an expression that makes him look silly on purpose. Once again Tony has to hold a chuckle back.
“Anyway, to answer your question, he’s been known for fifteen years at least, so you can relax.”
“Oh.”
Tony nods, looking at Steve for just a couple of seconds before folding his glasses and slipping them back into the pocket of his jacket. He then fishes his phone out, checks the time, sends a few messages, all actions he doesn’t need to do, not really, but he’s decided to bait the other man out now because he feels he can use it, for once. Steve is always so quiet, so reserved, that Tony is always left wondering about his thoughts, his emotions, sometimes – when he’s feeling particularly low – even his love for him. Tony has accepted and gone along with it for as long as he can remember, thinking that because he wasn’t aware about other people knowing the truth it would be better to make it easier for him to adjust. But now Steve has no excuses, and that gives Tony all the freedom he wants to have a bit of fun. Surely, his plan would work better if Steve had actually an idea of this new game they’ve started to play.
“Well, I’ve done what I came here to do, so… I’m gonna go now.” he has to say eventually, to break the impasse, and Steve looks at him flabbergasted, as he couldn’t believe his own ears.
“Oh, I thought…” he starts, confused, then stops, swallowing before continuing, “Sorry, why did you come here for, again? I don’t think you actually told me.”
“Well, you’ve seen – excuse me, you heard – it, Stephen needed to show me something, and I was around the area anyway, so I told him I’d drop by.”
“Makes sense…”
Part of him wants to scream at Steve, and another part wants to give up his game and just kiss the idiot standing a few feet away from him. Okay, last try. If he doesn’t take the hint… He’s not sure what he’d do, but he hopes it won’t come down to find it out.
“Say it, Steve.” he sighs, and he swears, he’s gonna buy him a book about flirting one of these days.
“Say what?” the other replies, visibly puzzled.
“What you are thinking but don’t dare saying out loud.”
“Tony, I…”
“You see, another function of these glasses is reading people’s vital signs. You know, in case there’s an emergency and I’m not wearing the suit. Do you wanna know what they registered when I looked at you a minute ago? An unjustifiable high heart rate. I wonder, why is that?”
“I don’t think that’s legal…” complains Steve, diverting the topic once more whilst narrowing his eyes to him.
“Cut the bullshit, Rogers. I’m counting to three. If you don’t say those words in your mind out loud, I’m leaving. And I’m not kidding.” Or is he? Please, don’t make me find out.
“Tony, what—“
“One…”
“I don’t know what you mean…”
“Two…”
“Can’t you just tell me?”
“Thr—“
The rest of the letters can’t come out of his mouth because, before he realizes it, Steve has quickly filled the distance between them and has pushed him against the wall without caring too much about doing it gently, kissing him with the same hunger Tony has been feeling all along. It takes him around ten seconds to overcome the initial surprise; when he does, he pulls away from the kiss and smirks on Steve’s lips, whispering sneakily on them: “Good try, but I still haven’t heard the words I want to hear and time is up now, so I guess I shall take my leave…”
But Steve puts his hand on his mouth to keep further words from coming out, staring into Tony’s eyes and shaking his head.
“You’re such a jerk but I love you and I have missed you so much. You’re not going anywhere tonight because you still haven’t slept in my bed here and your smell is not in my room, and that is unacceptable. So now I’m gonna take you there and I’m gonna undress you slowly before tying you up, making sure you don’t escape.” he stops, blinking, not sure he actually said those words out loud. “That’s what I was thinking. Does it sound like a plan to you?”
Tony shivers with anticipation and nods, keeping his eyes on Steve’s and wanting so desperately to grab his own genitals to keep it from pulsating against the other’s waist. But Steve is still holding his hands up together with just one of his, so all that he can do is murmuring something against the palm of the hand on his mouth: “Then what?”
“Then I’m gonna take my sweet time with you. Andante, andante, right?”
Tony is in love.