Chapter Text
It started with a bad morning.
>RK800_REBOOT_SEQUENCE
>LOADING OS
>SYSTEM INITIALIZATION
>>CHECKING BIOCOMPONENTS… FUNCTIONAL
>>INITIALIZING BIOSENSORS… FUNCTIONAL
>>INITIALIZING AI ENGINE… FUNCTIONAL
>ALL SYSTEMS OPTIMAL
MEMORY STATUS...
>>MEMORY BANKS… C0Rr#U8P7&4
>>EXITING STANDBY MODE
Connor gradually opened his eyes and he was hit by the light in the living room. It was seeping through the curtains, warming up his face. He sat up and his ‘morning software’, as Hank called it, kicked in. The figures ‘8:09 a.m’ swam around in his vision and he fought the urge to swat them away. He vaguely remembered numbers, letters buzzing in his vision, like a flash. In a second, they were gone.
But Connor sensed something was wrong. Something, there was something inside his program that wasn’t ‘functional’. He gripped the soft pillow on the couch.
He was in Hank’s living room, opposite the TV. He had been sleeping on his couch since the android revolution ended, when he had deviated and realized he had nowhere to go. CyberLife had fallen (and even if it hadn’t, Connor was sure he didn’t want to return to them) and he couldn’t go to Jericho. Markus had offered him shelter for some time, but Connor knew better. Jericho didn’t feel safe around him, and he couldn’t blame them. Everyone remembered the infamous deviant hunter. It didn’t matter that he had basically saved them. He had hunted them before that.
Nobody would forget it.
Connor had been debating where to go when Hank had offered to take him in. Obviously, Connor had been puzzled by the offer. He thought of the lieutenant as his friend, maybe his closest friend, but living with him…
‘It’s not permanent. It doesn’t have to be, anyway,’ Hank had said. They were at the Chicken Feed some days after the revolution, Hank devouring a burger and Connor grimacing while analyzing his calorie intake. ‘You can sleep on my couch,’ he finished and took another bite of his burger.
‘I do not ‘sleep’, per-say. I go into stand-by mode every night to accommodate my systems and to repair any damage sustained over the day.’ Connor felt the need to point out certain things about his android lifestyle when Hank got them wrong.
Hank rolled his eyes and he sipped his soda. ‘You know what I mean. You saved my life, kid. Might as well repay you somehow.’
A smile pulled at Connor’s mouth’s corners. It came out lopsided, but it just made Hank smile back and his heart squirm. Connor was so much like Cole sometimes. Even if he was made to appear an adult, in his eyes he was still a kid.
‘Well, Lieutenant… I think I’ll take you up on your offer.’
The memory faded into nothingness and Connor gasped softly, almost like trying to grasp it, take it back and touch it. His processor whirred and he could feel the blue blood in him boil, struggling to comprehend what he had forgotten. It was like a light in his head was gone.
no
>MEMORY BANKS FULL!!
>DELETE MEMORIES?
Connor shook his head before mouthing a ‘no’ and choosing his input response.
>NO
>MEMORY BANKS FULL!!
>>CLEANUP_MEMORY PROTOCOL ACTIVATED
>>>DELETING FILE 20381213_CF
>>>FILE 20381213_CF DELETED
Connor’s vision was assaulted by error messages and exclamation signs. This time he actually tried swatting at them as if that would make them go away. They clogged his eyes and a new one appeared every second. It was as if his whole system was crumbling, frozen and buried into the outside blizzard Connor hated.
Xxx
The alarm rang next to the bed and Hank opened his eyes and promptly shut them again. His head pounded with the hangover. He could still taste the scotch on his tongue and his throat was still raw from the shouting. He vaguely remembered sitting in the bar with Connor, downing the drinks in celebration for closing another case. Hank groaned and rubbed the back of his head. The blinds were closed and Hank knowingly passed opening them. He could barely stand the pain as it was. He hit that alarm until he nailed the snooze button, but the drilling in his head didn’t stop.
That damned android. He only let him drink when something big happened. He had no alcohol in the house anymore, as Connor had made him get rid of it.
Thankfully, Connor had willingly come with him last night. He was happy that case was closed, too. It had been a gruesome one, concerning both androids and humans. The gang was using repurposed androids stolen from the people’s homes, resetting them and using them to commit their crimes since they didn’t leave fingerprints. They were lucky the dealers’ smarts ended there and they couldn’t be bothered to try and clean up after one of theirs was shot. Hank was surprised it took them that long to make a mistake.
There was still paperwork to be done. Hank finally sighed and stuck his feet into his slippers. He stood up and swayed for a second, then walked towards the kitchen.
Which he found empty.
Hank frowned. Usually at this hour, Connor would be patiently waiting for him on a chair at the table, hands neatly folded on his lap. Even if Connor was deviant now, some old habits like that were just too well implemented to get rid of them.
But he wasn’t there.
‘Connor?’ Hank shouted through the house. It rang clearly, but there was still no sign of the android.
Had he forgotten to wake up or set his internal alarm or whatever?
Hank made his way towards the living room, a feeling of dread pooling in his stomach. Everything in the house seemed to be in order, where he had left it. No signs of a break in.
He entered the living room with heavy steps and his eyes immediately lay on Connor. The Android was sitting on the couch, unmoving, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. The LED on his temple was circling a deep yellow and it wouldn’t fall back to blue, but Connor looked panicked and the dread was now working its way up the lieutenant’s throat. He rushed to Connor’s side and gently touched his shoulder.
No response, his LED still going a concerning yellow.
‘Fuckin’ hell… Connor! Wake up!’ Hank shook his shoulder harder now, rousing him but Connor didn’t budge. Hank moved in the front of his Android friend and placed his other hand on Connor’s shoulder. He shook him again and this time a yelp escaped Connor’s lips.
‘Hank—‘ he coughed but resumed talking afterwards, as if nothing had happened. ‘I’m fine.’ Connor righted himself and Hank removed his hands from his shoulders.
‘What? Kid, what was that?’ Hank was concerned and it was visible on his features, brows furrowed, eyes narrowed.
‘Just a minor error. It’s been fixed now, lieutenant.’
Hank tsked. ‘I told you, it’s Hank when we leave work.’
Connor chuckled. ‘Sorry, Hank.’
Hank eyed Connor suspiciously but ultimately let it go. ‘C’mon. Let’s get something to eat,’ he said and patted his shoulder. Connor got up and followed Hank, trying to appear composed, but he felt the panic that lingered in his limbs. He forgot something. Something had happened. It hurt him to try to remember.
Xxx
Hank flipped the pancake easily in the pan, smirking at himself and gesturing for Connor to look at him.
‘If you would let me do it they would be done by now,’ Connor sighed.
‘Nope,’ Hank said popping the p, ‘missed your chance.’
Connor was sitting down at the table. Androids didn’t need to eat so he usually just made small talk while Hank ate whatever. Hank usually felt bad eating in front of Connor but there was nothing he could do. ‘Androids can’t ingest food, Lieutenant. It causes damage our biocomponents.’
Finally, Hank sat down at the table with his pancakes. His mouth watered just looking at them.
‘God, my head is killing me,’ he said, pouring maple syrup all over his meal. ‘That scotch from last night was too good.’ Hank grabbed his fork and cut at the dripping pancakes, ultimately stabbing them and humming at the taste.
‘Did you go somewhere last night, Lieutenant?’
Hank abruptly stopped eating, fork halfway to his mouth. He studied Connor attentively, looking for any sign of mischief on his features.
‘Last night. Jimmy’s Bar,’ he said, concern pouring over his words. ‘Case celebration?’
Connor cocked his head to the side and Hank could see the confusion in his eyes. He continued, ‘Android Drug Gang case?’ but Connor didn’t seem to recognize his words.
‘What?’ he choked out.
He stared at Hank. Fear took the place of confusion and his brown eyes were having trouble staying focused.
Hank huffed a nervous laugh. ‘Kid, are playing a fuckin’ prank on me or something? It’s too early for this.’
Connor didn’t move. ‘Are you positive I was there?’ His voice was small, like he wanted to appear confident but failed miserably.
‘Connor, you carried me home!’
Connor knew Androids didn’t need to breathe, but right now he felt like he had no breath, like he had been punched hard in his thirium pump and was struggling to draw in air. ‘I can’t—‘ he choked on his words. ‘I don’t—‘
‘What?’ Hank finally let the fork down and moved around the table to Connor.
Connor lifted his gaze, finally meeting the lieutenant’s eyes. ‘I don’t remember.’ Hank’s blood froze in his veins but he willed himself to remain calm for Connor’s sake. He was frantic, looking all around, hands trembling slightly in front of him. He was breathing weird, like he couldn’t store enough air in his robotic lungs.
The Android was hyperventilating, Hank realized, and he had to do something about it before he short-circuited or shut down or whatever ‘passing out’ meant to androids. Hell, when did Androids started getting panic attacks?
Connor was, decidedly, not fine.
Errors clouded his sight again and he could barely read something along the lines of overheatingpleaselowertemperaturestresslevelsrisingpleasealert before he felt a touch on his back, a hand rubbing patterns, trying to calm him. He didn’t know what that meant, but his system detected it as a comforting mannerism used on people experiencing a deep panic.
He heard Hank call his name as if he were underwater, submerged in his very own terror. His optical units were open but he couldn’t see. His auditory sensors were functional but he couldn’t hear. What was happening to him? Was his CPU having trouble?
‘Breathe, son. Like that, yeah.’
Minutes passed and Connor slowly regained composure. Hank was next to him now. He smelled of alcohol from last night, apparently. There were pancakes in front him.
‘What’s happening, Connor? Talk to me.’
‘I- It was an error,’ he rasped out. His throat was scratchy. Had he screamed?
He turned to look at Hank. His silver hair was falling in strands around his face. Red rimmed his blue eyes from the late night out. ‘Are you okay?’
Connor breathed in again. He was fine. It was just an error. He was fine. He was fine.
‘It’s solved. My self-repair program repaired it.’ Connor hated lying. He hated lying to Hank, but there was no way he would let him know he couldn’t remember most of last week, the case or last night. It could be just an error. He was fine. He would fix it later that night.
Right now, he prayed his red LED wouldn’t give away his bad lie.
‘That fast?’ Hank quirked an eyebrow. He wasn’t buying it. ‘Didn’t know your program is that advanced.’
Connor was still a bit frazzled from earlier; the trembling hadn’t subsided and he felt his cheeks wet, even though his systems hadn’t announced him of saltine leaking.
‘So,’ Hank’s voice broke the silence, ‘are you alright now?’
‘Yes,’ Connor answered, even though he knew that wasn’t necessarily what the lieutenant meant. Hank wanted to know if he remembered.
But he didn’t.
Surely, that was just an error. His memory was just having some trouble since the deviancy. It just had to get adjusted.
He was fine.
Everything was fine.
Xxx
Next time Connor gave the errors a thought was a week later, while at work. They had barely arrived and Hank had been whining the whole way about the fact that they had to go through old cases to verify information.
Hank turned down the music and took his key out of ignition. He touched Connor’s arm lightly and he smiled back, getting out of the car.
‘Goddamnit, I can never find a good parking place ‘round here,’ Hank grumbled and stuck his hands in the coat pockets.
The pair finally arrived at the precinct, 15 minutes late and a thin coating of snow over them. It was now melting and Hank’s hair looked like he had just come out of a shower. Connor often asked him when or if he was going to cut it, but Hank always flipped him off. That was the last thing on his mind at the moment.
Connor stood next to Hank, only his CyberLife issued jacket keeping him warm. Androids usually didn’t feel cold, but this was extreme weather. It felt like the Thirium was freezing inside him, bun Connor knew that wasn’t possible in this temperature. It took more than some snow to do that. Either way, he regretted not getting something warmer from home.
Hank walked towards his desk and Connor took out his calibration coin. It hung heavy in his pocket and he hadn’t used it in a long time. Connor would hate to neglect his calibration, but he also felt guilty for not using it more, as if it were alive. It was just a coin. But it was his coin.
‘Connor?’ He heard Hank’s voice coming from his desk. He was already bored.
‘Coming!’ he shouted back, then picked out the pace towards his own desk, across from Hank.
‘What a fucking bother…’ Hank muttered under his breath. He typed in his password then sat relaxed on his back, barely reaching the mouse. Connor chucked a small laugh at the sight, then turned to his own computer.
The computers were always booted up, which Connor found a bit unnerving, as he himself was technically a computer but still needed things like sleep and Thirium. It was weird, but he found himself caring for inanimate objects as if they were alive since he went deviant.
He dragged his chair closer to his desk and woke up the computer. The terminal flashed and the words ‘Enter User Password’. They were three simple words that shouldn’t have cause a headache, but Connor’s fingers hovered above the keyboard as his LED glowed yellow. He narrowed his eyes and blinked in confusion, staring down the letters, but no recollection of a password came to his mind. He obviously had set up one, but when? What was it? Connor lightly pushed the ‘2’ button, but not hard enough to enter the character. His mind fumbled around, trying to figure the password to his own computer. His brows were furrowed and he could feel his processor working overtime, trying to uncover the hidden password. He clenched his hands into fists then unclenched them again, swallowed (what? Androids didn’t need to swallow) the thick terror in his throat and looked around, trying to get a clue as to what the password might be.
He entered ‘Sumo’. An error flashed. That wasn’t it.
‘Deviant’, ‘Hank’ and ‘123456’ didn’t do the trick either and Connor was starting to panic when Hank finally perked up from his own computer.
‘Connor? The fuck are you doing?’ Connor looked up and his eyes were glassy, like he was holding tears back. His mouth was open but he was struggling to make the words come out, like he couldn’t speak.
He looked so confused, and Hank’s heart almost broke at the sight.
He sat down straight in his chair. ‘Con, what’s wrong?’
The nickname use finally made Connor react. ‘I can’t remember my password.’ He was trying to sound confident when he spoke, but it just made him sound more confused.
Hank frowned and a deep anxiety tugged at his chest. Connor never forgot anything. They came here everyday and everyday he put in his password. It wasn’t normal to just forget it. ‘Your password? What do you mean?’
Connor blinked one time. ‘Just that. I can’t remember my password, Lieutenant.’ His words were grumbled now, like he was doing something else besides talking to Hank. He could almost hear the gears working in Connor, his distant eyes and his quirked eyebrow giving it all away.
Hank thought androids could remember everything. They were superior beings and were made to help humans, which included reminding them of things they had forgotten. On top of that, Connor was an advanced, state-of-the-art prototype. He was more than capable of remembering a simple password.
This wasn’t something normal, and Hank recalled the event from some time ago, with the red ice case. The morning Connor had forgotten their long, tedious case he had worked so hard on.
That didn't just happen. Connor had said then it was only an error his system had solved, but Hank heavily doubted that.
Right now, he had no idea how to help Connor or what to say to jog his memory.
‘You, uh, you said once it’s something you would never forget.’
Obviously, that had been the wrong thing to say. Connor glanced back at the lieutenant and this time, fear and confusion were evident on his face. A single tear escaped and he mumbled ‘Then why…?’
Hank’s heart broke further, as if little cracks were developing because of Connor. He stood up from his desk and he knew people were watching now. He could feel Gavin’s icy glare on his back, but he couldn’t care less. The only thing that mattered was Connor.
Hank reached him and pulled his head into a half-hug as Connor started sobbing quietly. He outstretched a hand to stroke his hair and Connor only gave a sad whimper. He was a kid, Hank knew. He was still grasping deviancy and emotions and this wasn’t his first outburst from a seemingly small thing.
Connor was gripping Hank’s coat tightly and Hank could’ve sworn he saw his knuckles turn white from the force. He moved to try to pry his hand, whispering ‘okays’ and telling Connor that it was fine, it would all be fine, even though he doubted that himself.