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"I failed that test, I just know it," Hutch said as he took off from the stoplight.
"We studied all weekend. You didn't fail," I told him, trying to reassure.
"Yeah, but I missed the study session and then I screwed up the last paper."
"Hutch, you made a C. It's not like you didn't pass."
"Yeah, but I should've known that stuff. I worked on that thing for what? Two weeks?" He glanced over at me. "I thought I did well."
"You did fine. Stop sweating it."
"This coming from the teacher's pet," he joked.
"Hey, what can I say? Brains and beauty, some guys have it all."
"I still think I messed up the test," he grumbled.
"So what? You mess up one, you try again. It's not the end of the world."
"I guess," he sighed.
He was about to say something when the radio came to life. "Zebra Three? Requesting confirmation."
"What are they calling you for? You're not on duty." Hutch just shrugged and started reaching for the mike, but I beat him to it. "This is Zebra Three, go ahead."
"Zebra Three....Wait, Starsky, is that you?"
"In the flesh," I laughed. "What's up, Frannie?"
"Honey, it's been too long since I heard that sweet voice of yours."
"Miss me?" I asked her.
"You don't know how much," she said sweetly. "Captain Dobey's trying to track down Hutch. He with you?"
I handed the mike over to him. "Go ahead, Fran."
"Hutch, Dobey needs you to stop by the station on your way back from class. He's got some files from the DA he needs to talk to you about?"
"Tonight?" he asked, tense.
"I'm afraid so. That guy you got in lock-up needs to be turned over to the Feds and they're not too anxious about waiting."
"Fine," he sighed. "I'll be down there in a while."
Hanging up the mike, he looked over at me. "How about it? You wanna go home or come with me?"
My whole body was saying no. I wasn't ready for this. It wasn't that long ago that I was there, working cases and completely whole. But now? Now I was changed, broken, afraid of what memories were housed there. I still had the nightmares, though they were few and far between now. I could still hear shouts, pain, fear and I wasn't ready to face that again. I needed more time. I needed to go in on my own terms. I needed....I needed to get past it.
"I..." my voice faltered. "How long will you be?"
"Not too long," he said, turning the corner. "I went over most of the files on him before I left, so this is probably just a few more loose ends, need a signature or two. Nothing big."
"I guess...I mean, I guess that'd be okay. Night shift, there's hardly anybody around, right?"
He smiled at me. "Hardly anybody. Except Frannie."
As he drove, I tried to calm my nerves. We were going to class to be able to work together again, work in the same station we had worked before. There was nothing to be afraid of, right? I left that building as one kind of man and now I was coming back as someone else. I had changed, we both had changed, and until I could face it I would never be able to achieve what I had set out to do.
Hutch parked the car behind the building, right near the entrance ramp. He never parked in the garage anymore, hadn't since the shooting. For that I was thankful, one less fear to face. Hutch was still afraid, too. He woke up in cold sweats from nightmares a few times and I knew that his clinging to me was more of a reassurance that the dream-world would not bleed into the real one.
After getting settled into the chair, I pushed ahead and went inside the door before stopping. Hutch was right behind me, waiting. It looked the same, drab walls and echoes resounding down the hallway. It was the same place I had been before, but this time it seemed all new. Eye level and waist-level are two totally different viewpoints. I started rolling down the hall.
"You okay?" he asked, concern filtering through his voice.
I looked up at him, walking beside me. "It's gonna take some getting used to. It's just very weird to be back here."
He put a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, why don't you go see Frannie? She'd kill me if she knew you were here and didn't go see her."
I smiled at him, knowing that he knew. It would take time for me to be comfortable back here, so taking it a little at a time was the only way. Maybe later I could get up the nerve to go back to the squad room, but for right now I'd be happy just hanging out in the call center.
"Sounds good to me. Why don't you just come back down where you're done, huh?"
He nodded, taking his leave and heading towards the elevator. I turned towards the door to the call center, steadying myself with a deep breath. It was show time.
I pushed myself in and when no one turned around or said anything, I yelled out, "What's the big idea calling my partner in on his night off?"
Three heads turned around at once, Frannie and Nancy and Fred all looking at me in silent shock before the uproar broke. Voices over-lapping each other, friends rushing towards me, all with big smiles upon their faces.
"Starsky!"
"Oh my gosh!"
"Look who it is!"
"Ain't you a sight for sore eyes?"
"What are you doing here?"
"Whoa, slow down," I laughed, holding up my hands in mock surrender. "Give a man a chance to breathe."
"You gotta forgive us," Nancy spoke. "It's not everyday you come strolling in here..." She cut herself off, embarrassed.
"You mean you've been seeing other guys behind my back?" I teased, trying to relieve her tension.
"She means she's been hard-up for conversation without you around," Fred joked, smoothing the verbal foul-up.
"Well," I began, reaching for Nancy's hand while giving her a naughty grin. "You should let your fingers do the walking more often. The best conversation I get lately is Hutch and you know what a bore he is."
Frannie laughed at me. "If he heard you say that, he'd get you good."
"I can handle my partner," I said, kissing Nancy's hand before dropping it. "But what no good have you three been up to?"
I rolled over to the callboard so they'd follow and retake their seats. I was much more comfortable talking to people when they weren't standing over me. It was one more adjustment I had to make. I used to be able to stand over people, make them cower in fear when I wanted to influence them. Now, I was at a constant disadvantage. I had to make them come to my level so we were equals. They took the unspoken cue and sat down.
"What kind of excitement can we really get up to on night shift?" Frank asked. "Especially without you two out there tearing up the streets?"
"Oh, I'm sure there's plenty to do around here. As I remember, the poker pots could get really big."
"Not since Frank started cheating," Frannie said.
"I do not cheat! I just learned how to win!"
"He read a book and now he thinks he's some poker genius," Frannie told me.
"Better a winner than a loser," I pointed out.
"True," Frank replied. "So, tell us, what's going on with you?"
"Oh, you know, same old thing," I told him. "This and that."
"And going to school?" Nancy asked.
I nodded. "We're trying; almost done, too. I gotta do something now that..." I swept my hands over my legs. "Gets boring just sitting around...no pun intended." The joke fell flat, making them all look a little uncomfortable. "Hey, none of that. It's a joke."
"You're looking a lot better than last time I saw you," Frannie tried to say, her voice cracking.
"I am doing better," I grinned at her. "Got myself new wheels, a new house, hoping to get a new job. Life's all right."
"It really stinks what happened," Nancy said, sadness on her face.
"Yeah, I know. But what can you do? Get angry, get sad, and then get over it, right?"
"I guess so," Nancy said, unsure.
"Now, Frannie," I said, turning my attention to her. "Whaddya say we blow this popsicle stand and go have a night out on the town?"
She blushed. "You're gonna get me in trouble, offering yourself over to little old me."
"Little old you and little old me used to bring this little old town to its knees."
"Those were fun times," she agreed as she smiled. "But if we abandon the troops, there might be a mutiny."
"Oh, all right," I sighed in mock resignation. "I guess I'll just have to stick around here and teach Frank how the game of poker is really played."
"Is that a challenge?" Frank asked, over-eager to show off his talents.
"It's a promise. Now deal them up, I feel the need for a couple of bucks tonight."
Frank happily agreed to the game as Frannie and Nancy joined us. I had partaken in the nightly poker game a few times, but Frank was always a good player. It was fun to kick back and play with my old friends, helping me to reconnect with them. It was also a good way to ease myself back into the station, one ritual at a time.
We were making our way towards the second hour when Hutch showed up behind me. "Poker in the police dispatch center? Starsky, you know better than that! Bringing down Bay City's finest with illegal gambling."
I looked over my shoulder at him, holding up a twenty. "Would bribing a police officer work?"
He grabbed it, laughing. "In that case, clean them out."
"Already did that," I said, bringing in my latest earnings from the middle of the table. "You ready?"
"Whenever you're done."
"He's done!" Frank put in. "Wiped us out."
"Never mess with the master." I grinned at him. "Maybe next time you'll do better."
"Or not challenge you to another game," Nancy said.
"What can I say? When you got it, you got it." I opened my wallet and deposited my earnings inside. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think Hutch owes me a dinner."
"I owe you dinner?" he asked, confused.
"Of course you do. A bet's a bet."
"Is this another one of your bets that you just made up?"
"I believe you said whoever got the highest grade on their paper got dinner and I think an A minus beats yours."
"I didn't mean tonight!"
I pushed back from the table and turned towards the door. "Specification, Hutch. Without it, you'll get yourself in a world of trouble." I called out to my friends, "I'll see you guys later!"
They bid their farewells as we exited the room. It had gone all right, surprisingly. They had stopped dancing around their words, stopped being so careful of not letting the wrong thing slip out. As they let their guards down they stopped seeing me as the guy in the wheelchair and started seeing me as I once was, their friend and the same guy that had hung out with them on many a slow night. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard to get back in the swing of things after all. It was something I was looking forward to, getting back to what I was good at. Besides, I had to come back and clean out Frank's wallet again. I could really go for some new model ships.