Archive of Our Own

“Peridot! Peridot are you there?! If the sneople have incapacitated you, thump the floor three times and squeal as loud as you can!”

Peridot groaned and rolled over on her modest couch. Reality hadn’t quite clicked yet and she found herself mumbling “sneople” as her fogged brain tried to decipher the word, along with the racket of pounding knocks and shouting echoing from her apartment door. What in the stars was going on?

She groped at her coffee table until she found her glasses, then she found her phone and checked the time. It was 11:08 AM, which was a fair bit later than her usual early rise schedule allowed. What had happened yesterday…

And then like shafts of sunlight burning away the fog she remembered.

Lapis. The barn. The shower. Watching CPH together.

Oh stars, Lapis! And Ronaldo was here she realized, finally recognizing the gibberish coming from her front door. In a near panic she rolled off the couch, pulling down the top of her alien print pajamas that had ridden up at some point during the night, and scanned her apartment. She couldn’t allow Ronaldo to see Lapis, but Peridot soon realized she was nowhere to be found. A sudden pang struck in her chest along with a fast worry that perhaps Lapis had left entirely.

“Okay Pumpkin, looks like we’re breaking down the door!” Ronaldo shouted, jolting her out of her worries.

“You most certainly are not!” she snapped, marching to the door and snatching it open with a grimace. What she saw nearly made her blow a circuit. She’d left her dog, a welsh corgi named Pumpkin that was the light of her life, with Ronaldo during her expedition to the backwaters of Delmarva. She didn’t have anyone else. She now thought it might have been better to leave Pumpkin home alone.

Ronaldo stood in her doorway in his usual attire of khaki shorts and a wrinkled polo but her dog, her Pumpkin, stood at his feet wrapped head to toe in what appeared to be tinfoil that left just enough space for her face to poke out.

She was whimpering and pawing at the silvery material.

“Why is my Pumpkin restrained in aluminium foil,” Peridot hissed, her eyes twitching as she scooped Pumpkin into her arms and ripped the offending material away from her body. Pumpkin immediately gave a happy bark and snuggled into Peridot’s chest.

“Everyone knows that dogs are used as agents of the Conspiracy, my special shielding was to protect her and myself from such intrusions while you were away. The Conspiracy can’t find out where I live,” Ronaldo drawled as if nothing out of the ordinary was going on, Peridot meanwhile could feel heat rising further up her face as she struggled not to grind her teeth. “Now, we need to debrief from your most recent mission and then I can get you up to date on all our new leads.” he continued as he began to walk into her apartment.

Peridot snapped an arm out to her side immediately barring his entry.

“You’re fired Ronaldo.”

“Wha- What?!”

“You. Are. Fired. Leave.”

Ronaldo simply stared at her for a moment, his eyes wide and disbelieving behind his square-framed glasses. Then a light of realization seemed to wash over him.

“So. They got to you did they? It was only a matter of time, you never did heed my advice on how to protect yourself from the Sneople. Now they’ve replaced you.”

“Goodbye Ronaldo, it has been absolutely atrocious knowing you,” Peridot deadpanned, moving to close the door.

“I know your game snake person! Replacing my partner, using her to get me out of the way. Because you know I’m close to ending your little enterprise don’t you? Well it won't work!”

Peridot slammed the door in his face.

Ronaldo began hammering on it and shouting about finally bringing down the Conspiracy.

“You have five seconds to vacate the premises before I contact the authorities!” Peridot shouted through the door, stroking Pumpkin’s head to stop herself from opening it and throttling her now ex-assistant.

“Calling in your minions, well, you’ve won this battle, but I’ll win the war!” he yelled and with that Peridot thankfully heard his feet retreating down the hallway.

She sighed and sagged down into a sitting position against her door, still gently stroking Pumpkin’s tawny fur as the small dog curled into her lap. Now that the lunatic had fled, her thoughts returned to their previous point of worry; where was Lapis? But as the thought of Lapis being gone began to gnaw at her anew, Pumpkin’s ears perked up and she hopped down to sniff at a corner of Peridot’s cramped living room. She gave a happy bark, her tail wagging in excitement, before doing a little spin and looking up at the empty air in front of her. Peridot had no idea what her small friend was on about.

Then Lapis materialized in the corner.

“Puppy! Who’s a good girl? Who’s a good girl? You are! You found the ghosty!” Lapis babbled in what Peridot could only describe as excited baby talk before she picked Pumpkin up and snuggled her tightly against her chest, drifting towards Peridot as she did so.

A flood of relief washed through Peridot’s chest at the sight, and then some confusion at the profound emotion. Was she really that attached to Lapis already? But then her curiosity began to peak and she allowed it to wash away such questions for a later time. “Canines can sense the presence of incorporeal beings, Lazuli?”

“Oh yeah, I’d have strays wander by the barn all the time. Most of them just growled or barked though, but Pumpkin here is a good girl. Isn’t she? Isn’t she?” Lapis replied, speaking to Pumpkin more than Peridot as she continued to lavish the dog with affection. Pumpkin for her part barked happily in response and didn’t seem to mind being in the arms of someone floating several inches above the floor.

“I think Pumpkin likes you,” Peridot said with a fond smile as she watched the two of them.

“Sorry, I got a bit carried away, I love dogs and I haven’t held one since before… well yeah,” Lapis said with a melancholy grin, moving to hover in a sitting position above the coffee table while Peridot sat in front of her on the couch. “So, was that guy the colleague you were talking about? Seemed a few bales short of a full hayloft if you ask me.”

“You have no idea Lazuli, you have no idea,” Peridot answered with a deep sigh.

“Want me to go catch up with him? Maybe give him a little taste of what you got back at the barn?” Lapis asked with a sly grin.

“Stars no! That would only encourage him, I was terrified he’d see you floating around in here when I realized he was at the door. We do not want him to be aware of your existence.”

“Why? What’s he gonna do? Recruit the lizard people to attack us?” Lapis snarked as Peridot ventured into her tiny kitchen and poured herself a cup of old coffee. She didn’t feel up to making a new pot just yet. Pumpkin let out a loud bark, as if agreeing with the specter flying her through the house.

“He would become absolutely insufferable to the point where I’d have to take out a restraining order against him if he knew of your existence. He’ll be bad enough now, he thinks the ‘Sneople’ got to me. Stars, I should have fired him ages ago. He was never a true Paranormal Investigator; he’s what my parents think I am!” Peridot answered, her voice raised in frustration as she gulped down her lukewarm, acrid coffee.

“I dunno Pear-bear, I turned out to be real. Maybe Sneople are real too. You haven’t been shedding skin have you? Or craving small rodents as snacks?” Lapis said, her azure eyes dancing with mischief.

Peridot didn’t justify that with an answer, she just leveled a dull glare at Lapis and took Pumpkin from her arms. “I’m going to take another shower, since someone interrupted the one I was taking yesterday,” she growled. Her hair was still a mess; she hadn’t managed to properly wash it before Lapis’ surprise visit.

“And you’re taking the pupper away from me because?” Lapis asked, looking crestfallen as Pumpkin left her grip.

“She’s going to stand guard inside the bathroom for me.”

“What, so she gets to see you naked but I can’t?”

Peridot leveled another glare.

“Oh come on! I agreed to no more materializing in the shower remember? Leave Pumpkin out here with me.”

“You did, but I’m not entirely certain you wouldn’t play the voyeur regardless and hover unseen while I bathe. Consider yourself on probation and Pumpkin your parole officer until I’m satisfied that you will restrain yourself,” Peridot countered, and then promptly turned and went to her much needed hot shower. Her back was seven different kinds of knotted from sleeping on the lumpy couch.

“Party pooper. Maybe you really are a snake person,” Lapis mumbled while sticking her tounge out at the bathroom door that firmly shut behind Peridot.

Peridot let out a contented sigh as she opened the bathroom door, steam billowing out around her, and rejoined Lapis in the living room. Her hair was clean, her backache had subsided, and her bathrobe was firmly secured against any antics Lapis might pull. As she made her way to the couch her ghostly roommate hovered over from the bookshelf, where she’d seemed to be making noises of confusion and amusement in equal measure. All that melted away when Pumpkin gave a happy bark and started doing little spins beneath Lapis. Peridot was almost jealous, if it weren’t so cute.

“Awwwww. Did you miss me Pumpkin? Did you? You kept grumpy old Peri-berry safe from the pervy ghost right?” Lapis cooed, scooping Pumpkin up with a delighted laugh and floating on her back towards Peridot. “Tell ya what, I’ll find you the finest treats in Empire City if you be a good girl and let me grab a peek once in awhile.”

“Nice try Lazuli, fortunately for me Pumpkin would not betray my trust for the promise of any reward, no matter how satisfying to the taste buds it may be. Isn’t that right girl?” Peridot answered, reaching up to scratch behind an appreciative Pumpkin’s ears.

“Come on Peri, stop being such a prude. I already found your porn stash; nice collection of yuri manga by the way, blows what I used to have out of the water,” Lapis retorted, directing a very smug grin towards Peridot.

A dozen different reactions raced through Peridot’s mind, ranging from angry shouting to flustered defense. But finally she settled for a simple sigh. “It seems you require further education in personal boundaries, Lazuli,” she answered, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Hey, I didn’t go looking for it, it’s right there on your bookshelf! Maybe you should find a better hiding spot.”

“I live alone and have no friends! Why should I have to hide my collection of erotic material?” Peridot countered.

“You don’t live alone, you live with Pumpkin. And you should be protecting her innocence.”

Peridot sighed again.

“Hey… you mind if I borrow a copy or two? I didn’t really have anything stashed at the barn…” Lapis continued, her teasing tone falling away to embarrassment. If Lazuli was even capable of feeling embarrassed.

“Wait… Can a incorporeal being even?... Nevermind. Don’t answer that. Yes, yes, you may view them at your leisure,” Peridot answered, a mild heat rising up her neck. Still, maybe it’d keep Lazuli from trying to spy on her in the shower.

“Cool, thanks. Do you know you snore in your sleep?” Lapis returned, abruptly changing subjects.

“I— Wha— You watched me sleep?” Peridot stuttered, caught off guard by the question.

“Well when you say it like that, it makes it sound creepy,” Lapis answered with a wince, rotating in the air in front of Peridot to a sitting position and plopping Pumpkin in her lap.

“Do… Do incorporeal beings sleep?” Peridot asked, her curiosity once again overriding any other emotions she may be feeling.

“Not really, although I can kinda zone out if I want to. Pretty hard to do though, with you sawing logs all night,” Lapis said, the teasing light returning to her eyes while she dramatically reenacted Peridot’s supposed nocturnal cacophony - much to Pumpkin’s delight.

“I need fresh coffee for this,” Peridot responded in exasperation and promptly made her way to the kitchen to make just that. Lapis giggled, set Pumpkin down, and leisurely floated after her.

“Sooooooooo. What’s on the agenda for the day? More CPH episodes? More questions about my unlife beyond the veil?” Lapis asked as Peridot continued preparations for her much needed caffeine dose.

“Both would be preferable, and I intend to make time for more questions along the way, but procuring a means to pay my rent this month will have to take precedence.”

“How do you swing that anyway? What crazy jerk paid you to come snooping in my barn?” Lapis quipped, nonchalantly floating above the coffee maker.

“No one, that was a passion project of sorts. But I normally procure currency through inspecting ‘haunted’ properties for eccentric clientele who believe their locale to be afflicted in some paranormal manner. You’d be surprised at how much work there is to be had in such a vocation.”

“So, you’re like a one girl Scooby gang?” Lapis asked, eyebrow raised.

I am a Paranormal Investigator, not a incompetent group of teens with an impossible dog,” Peridot answered, finally pouring herself a fresh, hot mug of black coffee.

“Nope, you’re a hot twenty something with the most adorable dog in the world,” Lapis retorted as she lazily reached down to pat Pumpkin.“Soooooooooooo. I’m assuming until the glorious specimen that is me, you’ve never found anything. Considering your breakdown in my barn and all.”

“I’ve found things! I’ve had several encounters that were highly likely to be paranormal in origin,” Peridot answered defensively, her coffee cradled lovingly between two hands. “But yes, It’s usually old pipes, a drafty attic, on one occasion a particularly clever racoon. It keeps the lights on, and it funds my research.”

“Girls gotta eat and fund her lifestyle as a mad scientist,” Lapis agreed with an amused lilt to her voice.

“What about you Lazuli? What did you do for a living when you were… er… living?” Peridot asked, still curious to know more about Lapis the person and not just Lapis the incorporeal being.

Lapis hesitated for a moment, conflict and… embarrassment? Both emotions warring across her features before she finally answered. “I was a stripper. What, you thought Lapis Lazuli was my birth name?”

“Oh. OH! I— I ummm… Well, that’s certainly an interesting career and I’m sure it held its own unique challe—”

“I’m joking Peri, calm down before you hurt yourself,” Lapis interrupted with a small laugh. “Although, if you wanted a striptease… I have seen you bare to the world after all. Fair is fair.”

“That won’t be necessary Lapis, I will find another means for you to repay that particular debt,” Peridot responded, her face nearly as hot as the coffee she was sipping, stars she needed to get a grip. “However I’m still curious as to what your actual profession was.”

Lapis rolled her eyes and huffed for a bit, rolling over to float on her back in mid air, before finally answering. “I… I cleaned things,” she mumbled.

“I’m… sorry?” Peridot replied.

“I was a janitor Peri! I worked at an elementary school. I cleaned up after puke-stained brats while I tried to get my art to go somewhere on the side okay? Happy now?” Lapis grumbled, folding her arms and sulking as she floated.

“I take it from your rather… curt explanation that you harbor some embarrassment about your work,” Peridot tentatively ventured. This seemed to be a touchier subject than how Lapis had died.

“Yeah well, you don’t get a lot of respect with a job like that.”

“Which is a reflection of the foolishness of the masses, Lapis, not an indictment of your vocation. Janitorial work is extremely important, a school would literally cease to function within days without services such as the ones you rendered,” Peridot explained matter-of-factly as she sipped at her coffee.

Lapis sulked for a few moments more, but much like their exchange back at the barn her expression gradually lightened. It seemed Peridot had managed to say the right thing once again.

“Thanks Dot, you really know how to cheer a dead girl up.”

“Well, I’m glad I was able to lift your errrr… spirits,” Peridot answered with a chuckle.

“Was… Was that a ghost pun?” Lapis laughed in delight.

And Peridot found herself being warmed by more than just her coffee.

Several days passed without Peridot finding much in the way of work to solve her rent problem. Lapis had caught her on more than one occasion mumbling to herself about the horrible inefficiency of Ronaldo’s client list and that she was an investigator, not a secretary. “I need a new assistant,” she had often moaned. Besides that, Lapis’ time was spent watching CPH with Peri, reading her yuri manga collection - it had been a long time - and playing with Pumpkin. The adorable ball of fluff loved playing hide and seek throughout the apartment with Lapis; although Peri wasn’t too fond of it when they decided to play at three in the morning.

They’d also realized that Lapis really didn’t know all that much about being a ghost, she just knew she could do things, not how she did them. Peri was pretty disappointed, but perked up once she had the idea of gathering data in the field by observing Lapis. She was frighteningly excited by the prospect actually. It wasn’t Lapis’ fault, it wasn’t like being dead came with an instruction manual.

Her little ghost hunter also spent her free time working on an odd contraption and Lapis finally broke down one afternoon and asked about it. Particularly after a certain episode that left Peridot yelping and patting at smoking hair and clothing.

“What are you doing Dot?” Lapis asked with one part concern and one part amusement as she floated above Peridot’s work bench.

“Attempting to construct an Ectoplasmic Confinement Unit,” Peridot answered with a frustrated sigh.

“A who what now?”

“A trap Lapis. A trap for incorporeal beings.”

“So what, you wanna be the pokemon master but with ghosts now?” Lapis snarked.

“No! It’s a precautionary measure only! I’ve been working on it for some time, but my recent harrowing encounter with you inspired me to attempt to perfect it. In case the next incorporeal being I encounter is less… amiable.”

A pang of guilt struck at Lapis then for what she’d put Peri through at the barn. “Well, it looks like the writers of Ghostbusters are gonna end up suing you,” she joked to cover up the feeling.

“That… That is in part where I drew inspiration, but I assure you my device is entirely unique.”

“Wait, you mean super serious Paranormal Investigator Peridot took inspiration from a movie about bumbling ghost hunters?” Lapis laughed, spinning over on her back in mid air.

“It was a good movie okay! And Egon was a very capable character! Besides, the concept was sound, if fictional,” Peridot retorted, crossing her arms over her chest and giving a small huff.

“Ewwwwww, does that make me Slimer? Gross,” Lapis continued, mirth dancing across her every word.

“Yes, very funny Lazuli, I’m glad you’re enjoying my frustrations. Regardless, development stops here for now; I require a test subject to progress any further.”

And then that pang of guilt struck at Lapis again. “Well, you could test it on me, couldn’t you?” she asked, her voice now somber.

“Are… Are you certain? I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable or push yourself on my account Laz—”

“The whole reason you’re trying to finish it is because I went all Nightmare on Elm Street on you, I think this is the least I can do.”

“Well… Well if you’re sure. I suppose someone who’s already deceased can’t really be harmed at any rate... Levitate here please,” Peridot answered pointing to a relatively clear space on the kitchen floor next to the counter that doubled as her workbench. A space where a small, metal, rectangular box with a cord that lead to a foot pedal lay. A few curls of smoke still clung to the air from Dot’s last “test”. Still, Lapis wasn’t really worried. She was dead, what was the worst it could do?

Lapis floated idly over the trap in a seated position, legs crossed, as Peridot made a few final adjustments. She removed several smoking squares from the bottom of the contraption and replaced them with fresh ones; they kinda looked like cell phone batteries to Lapis? She was starting to get the impression that Peri’s research expenses came before things she actually needed to live, like rent.

“Sometime this century Pear-bear?” Lapis sighed.

Then she screamed.

Peridot stepped back, pressed the pedal, and Lapis’ world became blinding light and horrible pressure coming from all directions. She tried to fight it, but she hadn’t been expecting anything like this at all. She struggled for a brief moment in front of a horrified Peridot before the trap yanked her straight down into a dark, crushingly small enclosure. The kitchen, Dot, everything was gone. Lapis was alone, more than alone. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t see herself, she felt like she couldn’t breath, even though she knew that was ridiculous.

“Dot! Peridot! Let me out of this thing! Now! Please!” she shouted, or she tried to. No sound came out when she tried to open her mouth; she didn’t even seem to have a mouth anymore. She was just a formless mass of… of something. And she was starting to panic. She couldn't take this, this nothingness. This pressure. She had to get out, she needed to be free.

Then a great rift of light opened up above her and all at once she was on the kitchen floor, down on hands and knees. She just sat there for a moment, finally breathing in again. Not air, but the world around her. Peridot was crouched just in front of her, her face scrunched up in worry and her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Lapis tried to pull herself together; she didn’t want to make Peri cry again, but she found she couldn't do much of anything but stay still at the moment. Pumpkin whimpered and whined - Lapis’ scream had probably ruined her nap - and tried to rub her furry head against Lapis’ arm. She passed right through.

Lapis didn’t have the energy to become corporeal just then.

“Lazuli… Lazuli, I’m so sorry. I didn’t anticipate the experience would be so traumatic; I didn’t even expect it to work at all! I constructed the device based entirely on half-baked guesses and barely understood theory as to the probable nature of incorporeal beings! Is there anything I can do for you?” Peridot babbled, extending her hands as if to comfort Lapis but then anxiously pulling back at the last moment.

Lapis was starting to feel like herself again. Her head was clearing and with a small effort she managed to make herself solid and give Pumpkin a reassuring pat on the head.

“So, after that I get to see you naked whenever I want, right?” Lapis quipped, forcing a cocksure grin as she stood up.

The conflicted look on Peridot’s face and her incoherent response almost made that nightmare worth it.

Almost.

All in all things were nice during Lapis’ short time in her new unlife; aside from Peridot’s trap of untold horrors, and the fact that going through it hadn't earned her any nude peeks. Lapis almost felt like she had a life again. Better even. Rooming with P-pod was a huge step up from any relationship she’d forged while she still had a heartbeat.

Then Peri finally found a job.

“You’re seriously gonna investigate a dive bar?” Lapis asked in disbelief, floating over Peridot’s shoulder as she scrolled through pictures of the place. “Rustic” was a polite way to put it.

“There are some signs that there may be genuine paranormal activity but more importantly, at present at least, the owner is willing to pay a rather generous amount to ensure no further patrons are frightened away from her establishment. Besides, do you have any idea how long it took me to sort out a halfway legitimate client from Ronaldo’s records? It was either this or hunting Bigfoot for some quack up north,” Peridot grumbled.

“That sounds like a lot more fun actually, I’ve always wanted to meet the guy,” Lapis retorted with an uneasy grin. She couldn’t place it, but something about the bar in the pictures seemed familiar, and it unsettled her.

“We leave at once Lazuli!” Peridot said enthusiastically as she moved into the kitchen. “The bar is in the same general region as your barn, perhaps the area is something of a paranormal nexus.”

“And just what are you going to do about our precious Pumpkin here, you don’t have a sitter this time,” Lapis asked while gently picking Pumpkin up and flying the adorable Corgi around the apartment in lazy circles. She barked happily and wagged her tail in excitement. Pumpkin loved flying.

“I’ve taken that into account and come to what I believe to be a suitable solution. I have converted Pumpkin’s food and water bowls so that they will automatically fill when empty, and I have also procured an indoor canine restroom that should suffice for the period that we will be absent. I expect to be gone no more than a day,” Peridot answered as she busied herself gathering her equipment.

A little over an hour later, and still with an unease Lapis couldn’t explain, they were ready to depart. Peridot’s pack bulging so much that Lapis wasn’t sure how she remained upright. Girl was stronger than she looked.

“Please be on your best behavior Pumpkin, I shall return as quickly as possible and if the apartment is still in a presentable condition, mommy will buy you a tasty treat,” Peridot cooed down at Pumpkin as she scratched behind the corgi’s ears. Lapis could tell she was worried about leaving the pup alone.

“Yeah, don’t go throwing any parties and inviting all the pets in the apartment complex or anything, you crazy party animal you,” Lapis joked while reaching down and giving Pumpkin a pat of her own.

Pumpkin barked in response and did a little spin for Lapis before rubbing against Peridot’s leg comfortingly, almost as if to say everything would be alright.

“Okay then, we need to meet with the owner by nightfall, let’s be off Lazuli!”

And off they went, although at the time neither had any idea what they were in for.

“It’s good to be back in the old neighborhood,” Lapis drawled, her voice as dry as the dead leaves dancing in the wake of Peridot’s battered blue pickup. She sighed, or mimed a sigh really, her head and shoulders half out of the closed passenger side window as she watched the farmland and occasional houses of rural Delmarva pass by.

Even though she’d only “lived” there less than a week she already thought the city suited her better, when Peri was sleeping and Pumpkin was all played out she’d done some sightseeing. Empire City had a lot more to look at than the humble area around her barn where she’d spent so many years. Still, the country had its charms she mused as she watched the sun set the western sky ablaze in golds and oranges on its way to the horizon.

A few minutes later found them rolling into a small roadside gas station, Dot had been so eager to get going that she’d forgotten to fill up before they’d left the city behind. Lapis lounged on the roof of the pickup as Peri pumped the gas, invisible of course, enjoying the lazy late afternoon.

“YOU!” Peridot and a voice Lapis didn’t recognize shouted simultaneously, ruining her reverie.

She peeked over the side of the truck to see Peridot and a young, dark skinned girl with braided black hair staring each other down. A plump boy with curly black hair stood next to the girl, holding two Big Gulps and seeming caught somewhere between excitement and anxiety at what was playing out before him.

“So, back for another visit Miss Ghost Hunter? What are you after this time, zombie field mice?” the girl with the braid said with obvious contempt. Dot meanwhile was virtually vibrating with tension; Lapis half expected her to jump the girl, before the cute kid with curls stepped in.

“Connie that’s not very nice, I’m sure Miss Peridot has some important paranormal activity to investigate,” he interjected, anxiously looking back and forth between the two.

“Oh please Steven, you mean like she ‘investigated’ that junk heap of a barn last time?” Connie snorted.

Junk heap? Lapis’ barn may be a little rough around the edges but it wasn’t a junk heap!

“Oh! That’s right! Did you find anything about the Water Witch, Miss Peridot?” Steven asked, nearly dropping the drinks in his hands as he bounced up and down in excitement.

“I… Well that is… During the course of the night I did experience some rather…” Peridot stuttered, caught off guard by the enthusiastic question and momentarily seeming to forget her animosity with the girl. She must be avoiding a straight answer to protect Lapis; that was sweet.

“I bet you experienced some rats, bugs and a bunch of rotting garbage,” Connie mumbled as she reached out and took her drink from Steven.

“Connie! Why are you being so rude to Miss Peridot?” Steven said in obvious distress as his head shrunk lower into his pumpkin adorned sweater.

“It’s not rude, it’s the truth Steven. People like her make a mockery of legitimate scient—” Connie abruptly cut off, eyes widening as her feet floated up several inches off the ground.

“You know girly, sometimes it only takes one experience to make a believer out of a skeptic, what do you think?” Lapis whispered into Connie’s ear, smiling as she saw a full body shiver move through the girl.

“Who… Who is that? Put me down!”

Lapis raised Connie another foot or so into the air and then started playing with her drink; levitating the liquid out of the cup and twisting it into various abstract shapes and forms. “I’ll have you know that ‘rotting garbage’ you were going on about was my art, care to rephrase maybe?” Lapis breathed against Connie’s neck, sending more chills through the snotty skeptic. This was fun; maybe a touch more? With an invisible grin she slowly started to rotate Connie upside down, it elicited a satisfying squeak.

“Connie! Connie give me your hand!” Steven yelled as he reached up for the girl.

“Lapis, that’s enough, put her down please,” Peridot finally interrupted. Her face caught somewhere between concern and smug satisfaction.

“Who are you?” Connie shouted again, halfway through a rotation. Lapis looked around to make sure the area was clear, before setting Connie down on her feet and floating around in front of her. Then with a thought she became visible.

“Boo. I’m your friendly neighborhood Water Witch. So, still a nonbeliever Con-con?” Lapis asked.

To Connie’s credit she held her composure, you wouldn’t be able to tell she was put off by any of this at all if it weren’t for the fact that she’d crushed what was left of her Big Gulp in a nervous clench of her fist. But before anyone could say anything more Steven exploded.

“Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh OH MY GOSH! The Water Witch! You’re real! Miss Peridot, you really found her! She’s really here! Oh my gosh Miss Witch, I’m such a huge fan! I’ve heard all the stories about you! Is it true you really strung up a bunch of college kids for an entire night once? Or that you cursed the harvest that one year when some kids tried to paint stuff on your barn? Oh! Oh! Can you grant wishes on a full moon!” Steven yammered frantically, dropping his Big Gulp as he used his hands to gesture wildly throughout his questions, his star filled eyes never leaving Lapis’ bewildered face.

This… This was not the reaction Lapis had been expecting. Although it wasn’t really a bad one she supposed? “Slow down there Pinkie, unlike me you still need to breathe. As for your questions, yes, no and I wish. Also it’s Lapis. Lapis Lazuli,” she replied.

“That’s such a pretty name! It’s wonderful to meet you Miss Lapis,” Steven said, holding out a hand. As a joke Lapis held hers out and let the boy’s pass right through. He got even more star eyed, if that were possible.

“So… You’re a ghost?” Connie asked, her voice calm and firm despite her obvious nerves.

“In the flesh… well kinda,” Lapis quipped, giving the girl a wide grin and sending what was left of the pair’s drinks dancing through the air with a flick of her wrist.

“Incorporeal being is more accurate, but yes. I hope you’ll reconsider your behavior towards the paranormal, and Paranormal Investigators like myself, in the future young lady,” Peridot cut in, virtually preening right there in the gas station parking lot.

“I… I apologize. I still can’t quite believe it but… but it’s hard to dismiss Miss Lapis.”

“Yeah it is,” Lapis snarked.

“Well. Yes. Apology accepted then, thank you,” Peridot replied awkwardly, some of her pomp deflating as the girl admitted her mistake. “Well, we have another site to investigate, so we really must be going.”

“Oh oh! Before you leave can you float me like you did Connie, Miss Lapis? Pleeeeeaaaaaaase?” Steven begged, giving lapis the biggest pair of puppy dog eyes she’d ever seen.

“Stars above Pinkie, who could resist a face like that?” Lapis laughed as she did another look around to make sure the coast was clear. Connie looked lost in thought and a bit down, so Lapis decided to include her in the fun too. Girly had apologized after all.

With a wave of her hands Lapis raised both children into the air, several feet off the ground this time. Connie’s eyes widened again and she gave a small yelp, but Steven was ecstatic. He laughed and cheered and struck various superhero poses as they rose up.

“Isn’t this great Connie! We’re flying!” Steven laughed at the obviously nervous girl as he held out his hands to her. She calmed down a bit and actually smiled when she took them.

“Yeah, yeah it’s pretty cool I guess,” she said with a giggle of her own.

“Awwwww. They’re really cute,” Lapis whispered to Peridot while she sent the children through a few lazy loops up near the top of the gas station overhang.

“I suppose, but we really should be going now Lazuli,” Peridot said with a smile, looking up at the two children virtually dancing in the sky.

Lapis slowly lowered the pair until their feet touched the ground again. “Alright kids, parties over I’m afraid, Dot and I have a crappy bar to get to.”

“A haunted bar!” Steven exclaimed.

“Can ghosts drink?” Connie wondered out loud.

“There are some signs of paranormal activity, but we won’t know for certain until we investigate. And no, to my knowledge incorporeal beings can’t drink,” Peridot answered as she got behind the wheel of her pickup and Lapis phased into the passenger seat.

“We’re really good at eating though,” Lapis said with a wink that set color rising in Peridot’s cheeks.

“Lapis! There are minors present!”

Lapis just snickered in response while Connie and Steven looked confused.

“Bye Miss Lapis! By Miss Peridot!” Steven said, waving his hands in excitement as Dot started the engine.

“Ummm. Miss Lapis?” Connie asked.

“Yeah, Con-con?”

“I’m sorry. About what I said about your barn,” the girl said, her gaze slightly downturn.

“Eh, don’t sweat it girly, to be honest you were mostly right. But I stand by my artwork,” Lapis answered. “Alright kids, stay safe, don’t talk to any strange ghosts and all that,” she continued, reaching her hands through the truck door and ruffling their hair.

The pair giggled and waved happily as Lapis and Peridot drove off down the darkening road.

“See Connie! I told you ghosts were real.”

The last rays of the sun saw them roll into the gravel parking lot of their destination, Lapis was unimpressed to say the least; calling the place a dive bar was an insult to dive bars. A battered sign missing half its lights proclaimed the establishment as the Sour Onion. How fitting. The building was all wood; it honestly looked more like a country cabin than a bar, and it was in disrepair to put it kindly. Chipped and flaking orange paint, a shoddy front deck that seemed to be meant for patrons to enjoy the bar’s cheap swill in the outdoors, and the mismatched chairs and slanted tables that peppered it painted a sparkling first impression.

The owner was a different story though Lapis thought, floating unseen behind Peridot as they went to greet their patron. A woman in her middle years with slight wrinkles around the eyes and smile lines around her mouth met them at the front door, which looked like it had been knocked off its hinges and reattached more than once. Rounded, pale blonde hair that ended in a little tuft framed her face over dark brown, almost black eyes. A leather jacket and ripped blue jeans completed the aging punk rocker look.

“Hey there short stack, you my professional ghost hunter?” the woman said, rolling a sucker between her teeth as she spoke.

“If you’re Vidalia and you mean a Paranormal Investigator, then yes, yes I am. Greetings; as I said in our previous communication, I’m Peridot and this is… This is… This is the equipment I’ll be using this evening!” Peri recovered, hauling her backpack around to her front. The dork.

“Okay… Come on in Peridot, I’ll show you my dump and you can get all set up,” Vidalia said, tipping the door open and walking inside.

The interior wasn’t much better than the exterior, although to Vidalia’s credit it was clean if nothing else; but all Lapis had eyes for was the artwork that covered the walls. They were portraits mostly, and most of them were of women in various states of undress (Lapis wasn’t complaining). They were also really good. Lapis floated from painting to painting as Peri and V hunkered down at the bar. It was almost enough to push away the lingering unease she’d felt ever since they arrived. Almost.

“Your establishment is quite... charming,” Peridot said while organising the contents of her pack on the bartop.

“Nah, it’s a dump, it’s okay to say it. But the fellas like it that way. I tried sprucing the place up once and they bitched to high heaven for months. Said it felt too fancy.”

“I see. Well the artwork adorning your walls is lovely. And very… provocative.”

Vidalia laughed at that. “Thanks, I painted them all myself, each one from an actual model. I love capturing the female form. You appreciate it quite a bit yourself from the way you’ve been eyeing them since you walked in, eh?” Peridot shifted uncomfortably and tried to stammer a defense but Vidalia just laughed some more.

Lapis raised an eyebrow at that. Vidalia had painted all these herself? A fellow artist? She liked this bar owner a lot more than she liked her bar, she thought as she admired a painting of a pink haired, pale skinned woman that was the very definition of thicc.

“Alright, here’s your fee, feel free to help yourself to any drinks while you work, and just shoot me a text with whatever you do or don’t find when you’re done,” the punk-rock, bar-owning artist said while handing Peridot a rather generous wad of bills.

“I usually only require half the payment until after services are rendered and there seems to be more than my normal rate here—”

“Don’t worry about it, that’s a little bonus for having you drive all the way out here to the middle of nowhere. And I don’t mind paying in full upfront, you’re not gonna find anything anyway. I just need to be able to tell the locals that the place has been inspected by a professional so they can quit blubbering and start spending money on my booze again. I also need to check with my whiskey guy, I think something in the last batch he sent me might have set all these crybabies to seeing things. Anyway, have fun!” Vidalia called over her shoulder and then the door swung shut behind her leaving Peridot and Lapis alone in the bar.

“I think I have a crush on her,” Lapis quipped directly into Peridot’s ear, materializing behind her. Peridot leapt a full three feet into the air, goal accomplished.

“Don’t do that Lazuli!”

“What? You forget I was here or something? Too busy ogling V? I’m hurt Peri,” Lapis snarked.

“I wasn’t ‘ogling’ anything, you’re the only lecher here,” Peridot grumbled as she gathered equipment to start her preliminary scans of the bar.

“Yeah right, I saw your eyes wandering to all the lovely art we’ve got here,” Lapis quipped. “Anyway, what’s the deal with this place?”

Peridot huffed in offense but answered as she started a slow walk around the interior, EMF sensor held in front as Lapis floated behind. “According to Vidalia, her patrons have reported being assaulted by flying furniture, being thrown bodily across the bar by an unseen force and having insults about their manhood whispered in their ears in a gravely, angry, seemingly disembodied voice.”

“Sounds like they’re beating each other up to me, and having too much of the sauce to tell what’s what,” Lapis shrugged. “Or Maybe V’s supplier really did get her some bad booze.”

“Vidalia suspects the same, she’s obviously not a believer in the paranormal, and I tend to agree with that conclusion as well. But her patrons are frightened and Vidalia believes having her bar cleared by a professional will allow her to entice them to return,” Peridot answered, stopping to set up an EVP recorder on a rickety table that seemed to have a baseball bat in place of one of its legs. “Considering I get a generous payment, I’m not one to raise objections.”

“Well let’s try and wrap it up quick, I don’t much care for this hole in the wall,” Lapis said as she wrapped her arms around her shoulders, still unable to shake the feeling that something was off here. Wrong. But in a familiar kind of way.

“Do you sense something? Can incorporeal beings sense the paranormal?”

“How should I know? I’m the only paranormal thing I’ve ever met, and I don’t ‘sense’ anything. Whatever that means. This place is just a dump, besides the art, and I’d rather not spend all night here,” Lapis said. And she mostly believed it.

The next few hours were spent with Peridot thoroughly going through her routine. She scanned, poked, prodded, photographed and evaluated everything in the bar while Lapis floated aimlessly about, helping set up equipment when asked, but mostly admiring the paintings and trying to keep her mind off how the place made her feel.

Finally, near midnight, Peri began to wrap up.

“Can we go home now?” Lapis whined from her spot stretched out across the bar. She was idly spinning several bottles of cheap rum through the air, having long since run out of portraits to ogle.

“Normally I’d stay the night just to be certain but considering the background of this case, the owner’s wishes, and the fact that my equipment hasn’t even registered the slightest blip, yes. Yes I believe we can return home having fulfilled our obligation. I’ll inform Vidalia that her establishment appears to be absent any paranormal activity if you’d be so kind as to start loading the truck.”

“Aye aye, captain,” Lapis saluted and vigorously began stuffing equipment back into Peri’s massive pack.

Fifteen minutes later and they were packed and ready to go, much to Lapis’ relief. “Not exactly the best second date I’ve ever been on Peri,” Lapis said as she moved to phase through the passenger side door of the blue jalopy. Peridot’s face reddened in the driver's seat and her mouth opened and closed several times as she tried to retort, much to Lapis’ delight, but then another voice cut through the chill night air.

A voice that left Lapis absolutely paralyzed.

“I dunno, seemed a lot nicer than ours.”

A massive hand clamped around Lapis’ throat from behind and lifted her into the air. It was such a familiar and nostalgic feeling, like slipping on a comfy coat for the first time after a long summer. Except there was no comfort here, only an old terror Lapis had thought long past.

“Lapis!” Peridot screamed. Her voice sounded far away to Lapis, her mind was getting hazy, almost as if she were actually being strangled. But that wasn’t possible.

“Quiet runt, you’ll get your turn,” the low, gravelly voice announced and then Lapis saw a large, booted leg shoot forward and hit the side of the truck. It rocked violently and Peridot yelped, desperately trying to open the door and get to Lapis, but to no avail.

“Leave… her… alone… Jasper,” Lapis choked out, both her hands now gripping the bulging hand holding her. Because of course it was Jasper. Lapis was such and idiot. She should have forced Dot to leave the moment she’d started getting weird vibes from this place. But no, in her stupidity she thought it just made her uncomfortable because it was a bar. Because of what had happened to Jasper.

“Or what? I can’t believe this runt is what you’re into now. She doesn’t begin to compare to me,” Jasper growled as she lowered Lapis and turned her around to face her.

And then Lapis saw her for the first time in years. Her long, messy, nearly white blonde hair. Her narrow, cutting, hazel eyes. The pale streak that swept across the otherwise warm brown skin of her face. The same boots, jeans and baggy white T she almost always wore.

It was Jasper. Her Jasper.

“Jasper… please… we need to… need to tal—”

“Talk? Talk!? Oh we’ll have plenty of time to talk,” Jasper rasped, her grip tightening around Lapis’ throat. It hurt. Lapis didn’t know how but it hurt. “But first I’m gonna take a ride with your little friend here, let her know what happens when she messes with what’s mine.”

“No!” Lapis screamed, panic giving her strength as she slowly began to pry the fingers from around her throat, returning Jasper’s cutting glare. But then before she could even think to react she was being slammed into the dirt. She heard Peridot scream her name again, she sounded hysterical. Lapis had to get up…

A boot came down between her shoulder blades.

“You stay here and take a nap, I’ll be back once I’m through with her.”

Another boot slammed into the back of her head, driving her face into the dirt.

And Lapis knew only darkness.

“Lapis! Lapis can you hear me!?” Peridot yelled in a panic from the prison that was her truck. She had to get out. Had to get to her equipment in the back. Had to help Lapis. But she couldn’t. And that awful brute was grinding Lapis into the soil. Somehow.

Jasper looked up at her and Peridot froze. Then she vanished.

No, she was in front of the truck now. With a horrible grin the apparition plunged her thick arms through the blue hood and then just kept melting further and further in until she’d disappeared into the vehicle entirely.

Peridot stared in confusion.

Then her truck started.

The gearshift moved into drive, the engine revved and her radio came to life with a burst of static.

“Now, how about we take a little drive and get to know each other small fry?” a voice rasped across the speakers. Tires spinning and gravel flying everywhere, the blue pickup tore off onto the main road. Peridot tried the brakes; they did nothing. She yanked the emergency brake into place. Nothing. She tried to grab the steering wheel and nearly had her arms wrenched out of their sockets.

“So, where do you get off moving in on something that’s mine?” the radio crackled.

Despite her terror at the situation Peridot felt anger rising in her gut. “Lapis isn’t a thing and she doesn’t belong to anyone.”

The truck accelerated; they hit a rise in the road and flew over it, slamming back down into the asphalt. Peridot’s head smashed into the truck top and her teeth clacked painfully together.

“She’s mine. And no spineless little runt is gonna move in on my woman, you understand me?”

“Jasper… This is insane. I know what happened to you, I know what things were like between you and Lapis. We can talk. Stop the truck,” Peridot slurred. A small corner of her fogged mind deduced that she probably had a concussion.

A cold silence followed, the only sound the furious whine of the struggling truck engine as it rocketed down the street.

“You know what happened between us? You know what happened to me? You don’t know anything,” Jasper’s voice roared over the radio.

The truck accelerated, the gas pedal flush against the floor seemingly of its own accord. They were up the road from the bar now, in the midst of the nearby small town. Shops and houses were flashing by the windows in a blur.

“Jasper please, stop!” Peridot pleaded, bracing her arms against the roof of her truck in a panic.

“Okay, here’s your exit runt.”

The steering wheel in front of Peridot snatched to the right and Peridot watched in surreal horror, time seeming to slow, as her truck went into a rolling flip. Glass shattered, metal crunched, the engine screamed as its wheels left the pavement, and Peridot was flung about like a ragdoll, her seat belt cutting painfully into her chest as it tried to restrain her. Her head hit the truck top again and again, and somewhere in the roll she felt a lancing pain shoot up from her left arm and heard an audible snap, followed by a wave of nausea.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity her truck came to a halt, by some miracle landing upright on its wheels. Peridot’s glasses were cracked and her vision was blurred as she struggled to maintain consciousness. Blood ran down between her eyes, its coppery tang wetting her lips. She realized she was in someone’s front yard; she saw lights flashing on in the charming two story house in front of her and vaguely registered raised voices. Pain from her left made her look down to see her forearm was bent at a wholly unnatural angle.

She groggily reached across with her good arm and tried to open her door, but a large hand clamped around her wrist.

She looked over to see Jasper.

Or so she thought, it was hard to tell.

Gone was the supremely fit woman from earlier, in her place was a mangled shell. Jasper’s hair was matted with streaks of dark red, and great gashes ran all across her well muscled body. Her chest looked sunken and deflated, like it’d been caved in, and the legs that met her ruined torso were bent and misshapen.

Jasper’s face was barely recognizable, swollen and lacerated, and when she opened her mouth blood poured out between jagged, shattered teeth. A gory grin adorned her features as she spoke.

“Now, after our little joyride I think we understand each other,” she rasped, her voice sounding thick and wet.

“Jasper… please…” Peridot tried, her vision was darkening, it was hard to think.

“Do we understand each other runt? The bloody apparition snapped, clamping down on Peridot’s good wrist with a grip that threatened to leave her with two broken arms.

“Ye… Yes,” she mumbled weakly, beyond reason, simply wanting the pain to stop.

“Good, sleep tight twig.”

The last thing Peridot saw was a massive fist rocketing into her face - then she was blissfully unaware.

Connie yelped as her peaceful slumber was shattered by a series of deafening crashes, she nearly fell clean off the couch where she’d fallen asleep marathoning Dogcopter movies with Steven. Speaking of, her curly haired friend was holding his head in his hands and groaning softly. He’d fallen asleep on the floor and at some point made his way under the coffee table, judging by the remnants of their popcorn now splayed across the floor he’d banged into it fairly hard.

“Connie... what was that? Did… Did Dogcopter crash?” Steven said groggily.

“I dunno, gimme a sec,” Connie said as she fumbled on the living room light and peered around her curtains.

There was a badly battered truck sitting in her front yard. A blue truck.

A truck she recognized.

“Steven, it’s Peridot and Lapis, it looks like they crashed, go get my mom!” Connie yelled, quickly slipping into her shoes and practically tearing open her front door. The sleep and coffee table induced fog melted off Steven as he charged upstairs calling for Connie’s mother. Judging by the yells she heard as she went through the door her mom was already aware of the situation.

Connie sprinted the short distance to the blue pickup resting in her torn up front yard before stopping to assess the situation. The windows of the truck were shattered and parts of the cab had crumpled, but she didn’t see any smoke or smell any gas. She did see a shock of blonde hair and a pale face through the cracked windshield. She moved to open the driver’s door, it resisted at first but after a few sharp tugs it popped free with a metal screech.

Right away Connie could tell Peridot’s left arm was broken; arms certainly didn’t bend that way. The paranormal investigator sat slumped in her seat, head down, a small stream of blood running from her forehead to her chin. Connie reached out and placed a hand on Peridot’s shoulder, giving it a series of quick, gentle squeezes.

“Peridot? Miss Peridot? Can you hear me?” she whispered into the unconscious woman’s ear.

“Lapis… Leave Lapis alone… We can talk about this Jasper…” Peridot mumbled as Connie anxiously watched.

Lapis.

Where was Lapis? What had happened to her? Who was Jasper?

Questions for later, she decided when she heard Steven and her mother approaching.

“Connie! Is Miss Peridot okay?” Steven asked in a breathless gasp as he came to a stop beside her.

“I don’t know Steven,” she said anxiously as she stepped aside to make room for her mother, she was carrying her med kit in one hand and holding a robe closed around her pale orange nightgown with the other.

“You said her name was Peridot?” her mom asked as she knelt down beside the truck door and opened her bag, quickly removing some gauze. Connie and Steven both nodded, shifting their feet from side to side as they watched her work.

“Peridot? Ma’am? Ma’am can you hear me?” Connie’s mother said, lightly shaking Peridot’s thigh.

“Affir… Affirmative,” Peridot coughed, raising her head with a visible effort and staring at them through cracked glasses.

“Alright, my name is Dr. Maheswaran. Please stay calm and don’t try to move, an ambulance is on the way. Until it gets here I’d like you to answer a few questions for me okay?”

“O… Okay.”

“Where are you experiencing the most pain?” Connie’s mother asked while she tentatively applied the gauze to the gash in Peridot’s scalp.

“Head hurts… face is sore… arm is the most severe,” Peridot slurred.

“Can you hold this in place over your head wound for me with your right arm Miss Peridot?”

“Affirmative…”

Connie’s mother then reached into her bag and pulled out a pair of white towels which she gingerly arranged around Peridot’s broken left arm, doing her best to cushion and immobilize it.

“You’re doing great, you’re going to be fine. I’m just putting this here to keep your arm still, keep pressure on your head wound please. You’re going to get through this, I’m going to stay with you,” Connie’s mother reassured Peridot.

“Thank you...”

Connie for her part felt her anxiety lessening somewhat. Her mother was doing wonders for that with her calm, sure demeanor and Peridot seemed to be more alert by the second. Flashing lights and the whine of sirens announced the ambulance's arrival.

Five minutes later Peridot was loaded inside and Connie’s mother had taken up a position beside her gurney. She leaned out the door to address the pajama clad pair. “You two get back inside and try and get some sleep, I’ll let you know how she is in the morning, but I think she’s going to be fine.”

“Pack… Back of truck, I need my pack…”

“Ma’am we’ll make sure all your belongings are taken care of, just rel—”

“No, you don’t understand. I need it, please,” Peridot said, her voice rising in panic as she tried to sit up. Connie’s mother placed a hand on her chest and pressed her back down, then turned to the pair.

“Kids, would you check the truck? If it’ll keep her calm I suppose it’ll do no harm.”
Connie and Steven clambered into the back of the battered pickup, careful to avoid any glass, and soon found Peridot’s bulging pack. By some miracle it’d managed to stay in the truck bed. It took both of them to haul it out.

Minutes later Peridot, Connie’s mom and the pack where rolling down the road towards the hospital.

“Connie?”

“Yeah Steven?”

“Where’s Miss Lapis?”

Lapis groaned and reached up to cradle the back of her head in both hands as she pulled herself out of the dirt. It wasn’t the worst beating she’d ever gotten from Jasper, but it’d been a long while since she’d had one at all. And she never thought she’d have to endure this again, or that it’d be possible to do so.

“How the fuck did she manage that anyway? What, are there some ghost rules where we can kick the shit out of each other? Ugh,” she growled as she floated up a few feet above the ground. The bar parking lot was empty.

Peridot.

Peridot!

In a panic she rocketed off down the road. She saw burnt rubber tire tracks scorched into the asphalt and flew in the direction they lead. A few minutes later she found Peridot’s blue pickup.

Wrecked in someone's front yard.

She dive bombed directly into the truck cab.

“Peridot! Peridot are you—”

The truck was empty.

“Shit! Where are you Dot, what the hell did Jasper do with you?” she shouted to the empty interior, her whole body clenched in panicked frustration.

“Miss Lapis?” a familiar voice called from outside.

Lapis poked her head outside the ruined passenger window, Pinkie and Con-con were standing on the front lawn in their pj’s.

“What the hell are you two doing here?”

“I live here and Steven is sleeping over,” Connie deadpanned.

“Oh. Do... Do you know what happened to Peri? Is she okay?” Lapis asked, hope and anxiety flooding her in equal measure as she floated down in front of the pair.

“She crashed into my front yard a little while ago. She has a broken arm, some bruising on her face, a head wound and likely a concussion but she was conscious when the ambulance took her and my mom thinks she’s going to be fine. She’s a doctor by the way, my mom, she went to the hospital with Peridot,” Connie answered.

Lapis felt guilt and fear stab at her at the description of Peridot’s injuries, but relief also flooded through her core. Peri was alive, Jasper hadn’t killed her. Yet.

“Miss Lapis? What happened?” Pinkie asked.

“And who is Jasper?” Connie added.

“Jasper the unfriendly ghost is the jerk who was haunting the bar; she jumped me and then took off with Dot while I was out. We have some... history that I’d rather not go into right now.”

Is… Is everything going to be alright? Is she gone?” Connie asked, anxiety entering her voice as she looked around at the street lamp pierced darkness with a new wariness.

“Everything is going to be fine, I’ll make sure of that,” Lapis said, cold resolve hardening her voice before it softened once more as she bent down to sweep up both kids in a hug. “I owe you two another aerial dance on your next date; thank you for taking care of Peridot.” Then Lapis was off, streaking like a loosed crossbow bolt for the hospital.

“We’re not dating!” Connie shouted after her, cheeks hot despite the chill autumn night breeze. Steven immediately elbowed her in the ribs.

“Shhhhh! Don’t you wanna fly again?”

Peridot fidgeted in her hospital bed. Her newly cast arm already itched and she had to fight the urge to rip off the offending plaster restraint. Or maybe she just wanted to take her frustration out on something. She needed to leave. She needed to find Lapis. But Dr. Maheswaran had insisted she at least stay the night due to her head trauma, and Peridot had quickly found that while kind, the good doctor was also formidable.

“Lapis, please be okay,” she whispered to her small room, flopping her bandaged head back into her pillows.

She still couldn’t believe they’d ran into Jasper; the moment Peridot had heard the name rasp out of Lapis’ constricted throat she’d felt an overwhelming dread. How had Jasper done that? Hurt Lapis like that? Were incorporeal beings always able to physically affect one another? And if they could hurt one another could they do worse? If the situation weren’t so dire it would have been endlessly fascinating. She closed her eyes and tried to think, tried to put her mind to work breaking down and analyzing her observations but it was useless. Lapis dominated her every thought.

“Please be okay.”

She was starting to doze off when she heard her curtains rustling. She sat bolt upright in bed. The windows were closed, there was no draft, no fan, no source for the disturbance. Her pack lay next to her bed, she reached down into it, if Jasper had returned to finish the job…

Lapis Lazuli’s head and shoulders phased through the curtains, turning from side to side until her gaze found Peridot. Peridot watched as the stress and tension that contorted Lapis’ features melted away to relief and worry. A knot in her own chest suddenly loosened.

Lapis was okay.

“Finally found you! Do you have any idea how many rooms I’ve stuck my head into? I’m pretty sure one older lady thought I was her dead wife come back to see her,” Lapis breathed out all in a rush, immediately floating to Peridot’s bedside and giving her a gentle but tight hug, mindful of her arm.

“You do realize that invisibility is one of your many abilities, Lapis,” Peridot answered, returning the hug and wrapping her good arm around Lapis’ shoulders, tears of relief threatening to spill down her cheeks. Lapis was okay.

“Too stressed, can’t ghost properly, I smacked my face on the first window I tried to get through,” Lapis said with a laugh that had hints of a sob mixed in. “Peri… Peri I’m so sorry.”

“Lapis, this isn’t your fault,” Peridot said, reaching up her good hand to tentatively run her fingers through Lapis’ blue locks. It was more intimate than she’d ever be under normal circumstances, but in this moment it felt right.

“It is my fault Dot. Jasper did this to you because of me. I’m so relieved you’re alive, but I have to go. I have to stay away from you. To protect you. Or this will just happen again,” Lapis said all in a panicked rush as she pulled back out of the hug to look Peridot in the eyes.

“No,” Peridot said emphatically, reaching out to grab Lapis’ hand in a tight grip. “You are not leaving me Lapis Lazuli, you are not going back to that barn or some other remote location to continue your existence in lonely isolation. This isn’t your fault, and together we can deal with Jasper.”

“But—”

“Together Lapis.”

Lapis stared at Peridot for a few moments, her face a maelstrom of emotions, but finally she smiled. “Fine you dork, it’s your funeral,” she joked.

“It sure is,” another voice rasped, echoing all throughout the small room. Jasper’s voice.

And then she materialized at the foot of Peridot’s bed. A hulking shadow with wild hair and even wilder eyes.

“I told you she was mine, you little ru—”

Jasper never finished her sentence. With a rage filled scream Lapis held out her arms, pipes erupted from the walls around Peridot’s room, water bursting through the metal and coalescing into a gigantic fist. A fist that smashed into a stunned Jasper, sending her into and through Peridot’s door.

“Guess I can hit back too,” Lapis said before turning to Peridot. She waved one arm over Peridot’s bed and a perfectly clear dome of water formed over it, a shield. “Stay here Peri, I’m gonna show my ex why they call me the Water Witch now.” The very air around Lapis seemed to darken and she flowed through the shattered door, water swirling around her.

Peridot reached down into her pack.

“Together,” she whispered.

Priyanka sipped appreciatively at her coffee as she leaned against the nurses station. Night shift always had the best coffee. It had been a surprising night, but also a satisfying one. Her patient was doing well - although it’d taken a stern talking to to get her to see reason and stay the night - and would likely be discharged without incident in the morning. After she finished this cup she figured she would head home.

Then a huge woman with pale blond hair burst through her patient’s door. Literally.

Worse, she stopped herself in midair with a growl and started floating.

Then a much smaller blue haired, bronze skinned woman flew out after her with a torrent of water flowing in her wake. What?

Priyanka looked down at her coffee as if it had betrayed her. Then she picked up the phone and called security.

“Doug, I need every guard you’ve got up on the fifth floor. Now!”

“Pri? Honey I thought you took tonight off so you could chaperon Connie’s sleep—”

“Doug! She-Hulk and a Water Bender are having a deathmatch up here. Guards. Now.”

“On it.”

Priyanka heard the phone click. She walked around to crouch behind the nurse station and keep an eye on the melee. They might need to evacuate the floor at this rate. Evidently her night wasn’t done giving her surprises.

She needed more coffee.

“Water tricks? Really? You know how this is going to end, just stand aside and let me deal with the runt,” Jasper snarled.

“I’ll show you tricks, you fucking worthless piece of garbage!” Lapis lashed out, ripping more piping from the walls and sending a rapid fire series of water fists at Jasper. It felt good to scream at her again. Jasper dodged and blocked at first, but there were too many. One caught her in the face, another in the chest, then Lapis merged them together and slammed Jasper into a wall, cracks spider-webbing out from the impact. Lapis held her there.

“That… That the best you got?” Jasper snarled as Lapis walked forward, applying more and more pressure, sending more cracks running up through the walls.

“I haven’t even started yet, why? You already tired out? Figures. You always were a lazy piece of shit with no staying power.” It felt very good to be able to say these things to Jasper again.

With a roar Jasper’s form started to change. It swelled and bulged until Lapis’ restraints were shattered. Her hair got longer, wilder, spikes sprouting all over as she fell on all fours. Her face vanished into an eyeless maw of massive proportions, and instead of a well muscled woman Lapis found herself standing before a brown, spiked beast crisscrossed with pale stripes.

“Well at least the outside matches the inside... now…”

What in the hell was she doing? It was like nothing had changed in her at all! Here she was lashing Jasper with the same abuse she had in life. She was the monster. This wasn’t how she wanted to end this, this wasn’t who she wanted to be.

“Jasper, wait. Stop. We need to tal—”

Jasper’s roar seemed to shake the entire building, lights flashing wildly, then she lunged. She slammed into Lapis headfirst and didn’t stop until they crashed into the opposite wall at the end of the hallway. Right next to the elevator.

With an innocent ding the doors opened to reveal a dark skinned man in blue slacks and a pale brown jacket with what appeared to be a security badge pinned to it. Behind him were several men and women wearing more standard uniforms.

“Holy shi—”

Jasper’s roar cut him off and she lunged away from Lapis for the elevator. In a panic Lapis raised a wall of water in front of them. It stopped Jasper. Barely.

“Get the hell out of here!” she shouted.

“You don’t have to tell me twice, come on guys!” the man in the brown jacket cried hurrying down the hallway. A woman met him about halfway and Lapis caught snippets of the words “crazy” and “evacuate” but she had more important things to deal with. She drew all the water she could from the surrounding piping and fashioned it into chains, chains she wrapped around Jasper’s thick legs and neck. Forcing her back. Forcing her down.

“Jasper, please. Just let me talk with you. I want to fix this,” Lapis pleaded, struggling with the chains that met in a bulge of water at each of her hands.

“I don’t have anything to say to you! That’s all you could ever do! Talk, talk, talk! Words were the only way you ever knew how to fight. That’s why you were weak. How did you even die anyway? Finally mouth off to the wrong person?” the Jasper beast roared, her voice sounding like a landslide crushing everything it its wake.

“She terminated her own existence because she erroneously felt responsible for your death, you ectoplasmic clod!” a voice shouted from just behind Jasper’s massive form.

Peridot’s voice.

There was a blinding flash and then Jasper was screaming. Not the roar of a beast, but the visceral scream of a woman in pain.

Peridot’s trap.

Jasper’s body shrank and straightened, her spikes receding and features returning to normal until her original form stood there in the searing light from Peridot’s trap, still wrapped in water chains and struggling for all she was worth to stay upright as the device pulled at her.

Lapis could end this now. With a few yanks she could break Jasper, send her spiraling into that dark, crushing void of nothingness she’d experienced. A very large part of her wanted to. She looked into Jasper’s face, saw the panic, saw the fear.

Saw the pain.

“Peri, turn off the trap.”

“Are you insane Lazuli! We can’t let her—”

“Peri, turn off the trap! Please…”

“Al… Alright Lapis.”

With a click the light vanished and the small box beneath Jasper closed, smoke curling up all around it. Jasper fell to her knees, Peridot grabbed her trap and retreated a few steps, eyeing the pair of them anxiously. Lapis kept the water chains in place and moved to kneel in front of Jasper. “I… I’m sorry Jasper.”

“Is what the twerp said true?” Jasper said, her gravelly voice sounding exhausted and defeated.

“What?”

“Did you kill yourself because… because you felt responsible for my death?”

Lapis knelt there, staring at Jasper’s downturned face for a few moments before she answered. “Yeah. I did.”

“Why? That… That isn’t like you.”

“I killed myself because I didn’t think I deserved a happy ending after what happened to you. I killed myself because your death was my fault.” Lapis lost control then, her chains shattered into puddles and tears streamed down her cheeks as she buried her face in her hands and cried, shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs.

Jasper watched.

At some point Peridot must have made her way around Jasper because Lapis felt a protective arm close around her shoulders. She fought to regain control of herself and finally succeeded, wiping her eyes and looking up at a now standing Jasper.

She looked… conflicted.

“Lapis… Lapis now that we’re both… dead. Now that we’re both like this, maybe we could try again. It could be better this time!” Jasper said, an edge of hope entering her voice.

“No.”

“But why?”

“I was terrible to you! I liked taking everything out on you. I needed to. And you did the same to me… just in a different sort of way.”

“But—”

“No, Jasper. What we had wasn’t healthy. I never want to feel that way again. So please…”

Peridot tightened her protective one armed hug around Lapis as Jasper stared down at them both. Then she turned around and started walking down the hall, but a few steps away from the far wall she stopped and turned, staring at Peridot.

“Take care of her runt; maybe you two can have something better… can be something better than what we were. And Lapis… It wasn’t your fault.”

And with that Jasper turned around and vanished into the concrete.

With a massive sigh Lapis fell the rest of the way to the floor, sprawled out in a sitting position. Peridot did the same, both of them sitting back to back. Lapis couldn’t believe it was over… At least for now. She never expected a confrontation with Jasper to end so… well. She’d never expected a confrontation with Jasper at all after she died, but still. This… This didn’t solve everything, but maybe it would help. Time would tell. Right now she was too exhausted to process it all.

“Hey Peri?”

“Yes Laz?”

“The barn, the bar, now the hospital. This is our third date. You know what that means.”

“I do?” Peridot asked, obviously exhausted herself.

“Yep. I get to go pearl diving. In your pants.”

And the two of them laughed together, laughed until they had tears in their eyes, back to back on the ruined hospital floor.

“I can’t believe you had that junker of a truck towed back here,” Lapis said as she floated languidly over the living room couch, idly petting Pumpkin who lay sprawled out across her torso. Peridot was patiently moving about her apartment, watering the various cacti and ferns that adorned the space with her good arm. It’d been almost a week since the incident at the hospital and things were slowly getting back to normal.

“With the connections I have at the various junkyards around the city it should be a simple matter to procure the parts I need to repair it. It’s not like I can afford a new vehicle at the moment, besides, I like that truck,” Peridot replied, finishing her watering and flopping down on the couch under Lapis. Lapis joined her, setting Pumpkin down between them. “Now then, shall we pick up where we left off in season three—”

A knock rang out at the apartment door.

“You expecting someone?” Lapis asked warily, eyeing the door.

“Stars, it completely slipped my mind, I’m interviewing for a new assistant today,” Peridot said, heaving herself up from the couch.

“You’re what?”

“I can’t take client lists and appointment making anymore Laz, that was one thing Ronaldo was good at,” Peridot said as she started for the door.

“And how are you going to pay this assistant, with sexual favors? Because I object,” Lapis quipped as she floated after Peridot.

“If they work out well they’ll pay for themselves by virtue of the fact that we’ll see a significant uptick in the amount of jobs we’re able to sort and take on. Stars, Lapis. Now if you’d be so kind as to hide yourself I’ll invite our first applicant inside.”

“Fine, fine,” Lapis responded, her body fading out of view entirely. Peridot opened the door and Lapis eagerly peered over her head to see what the new girl looked like. She wasn’t disappointed. She was short, although not quite as short as Dot, and she was thicc. Rounded hips and a full chest were both accentuated by the white tank top and tight jeans she wore. Her skin was a rich, light brown and her cute oval face was topped by a mop of pale lavender hair.

“Hey, is this Peridot’s Paranormal whatever? We talked over the phone about an assistant position?” the attractive stranger said.

“This is Peridot’s Paranormal Pursuits yes, greetings, I’m Peridot.”

“Nice to meet ya, I’m Amethyst,” Amethyst said, giving Peridot’s hand a friendly shake.

“Okay I withdraw my objection; she’s hot, you may pay her with sexy favors. But only if I get to watch,” Lapis said into Peridot’s ear, taking care to keep her voice low. Or so she thought.

“Awwww, you’re pretty hot yourself there Blue, but I’m afraid I’ll need my paycheck in cash,” Amethyst said, waggling her eyebrows and looking up at where Lapis was hovering behind Peridot.

“You… You can see me?” Lapis said, mouth hanging open slightly.

“Yup!” Amethyst said enthusiastically.

“Please come inside, I believe we have much to discuss,” Peridot said, looking back and forth between Lapis and Amethyst. Lapis was still invisible to her.

Well, this might be more fun than Lapis originally thought.