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It starts at night when Emma jolts awake silently screaming at ghosts from her past. She settles easily enough, finding comfort in the woman lying beside her and the familiarity of satin sheets.
"Was it another nightmare?" Regina asks, despite already knowing the answer. Emma simply nods in response before tugging her girlfriend closer.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
There's a long pause and the brunette wonders if Emma has already drifted back to sleep but then she answers. "It's the same one again, the one that starts at the foster care office. This time I found you, and Henry, but...I lost you. Henry was in the wardrobe and I couldn't reach him in time and you vanished somewhere into the darkness." Her voice gets quieter, almost below a whisper as she continues and her arms grow tighter around the brunette.
Regina doesn't know how to respond, how to comfort her after this has happened so many times, how to apologize for rather directly causing the pain that continues to torment Emma to this day. She knows she shouldn't feel guilty for actions Emma and even the idiot charmings have long since forgiven her for, but the feeling still rests in her heart. At least its faints when Emma is wrapped around her.
But the feeling grows when Emma comes storming into the mansion one afternoon, doors slamming and her boots thrown across the foyer. Regina stomps out of the kitchen, ready to give the woman an ear full until she sees the look on Emma's face.
"ARRRGHHH!!" Emma screams at no one in particular. She's trying to rip off her tight leather jacket with little success.
"Emma, darling, what's wrong? What happened?"
"Mary Mar- Snow Wh- whatever! UGH!" At the final declaration she finally rips her jacket off, throwing it on the coat rack with fervor Regina rarely sees in her. "She's just so- and ugh! Why can't she understand...why..." Emma finally stops raving and sits on the cold floor, her head resting in her hands in reluctant defeat. Regina kneels next to her, careful to give her the space she surely needs but close enough to comfort with a gentle hand on the shoulder.
"What doesn't she understand?"
"Me." Emma mumbles into her hands.
Regina is taken aback by the answer, and then immediately filled with guilt again. Guilt for forcing Snow to give up Emma, for ruining the relationship they could have had, for indirectly causing Emma this amount of pain and shame and longing. She's lost again for the words or actions to comfort the troubled woman. What can she say? Sorry you'll never feel connected to your parents? Sorry you'll never have the family you deserved? Sorry you feel replaced by your baby brother because your parents never had those experiences with you? And all because I ruined those opportunities over a selfish, petty need for revenge?
No, Emma deserves better than that. She deserves to feel happy again. And Regina is willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.
The idea finally comes to her one afternoon when she struts into the mansion and is immediately greeted by the sounds of her son and girlfriend arguing.
"Kid, I didn't even graduate high school! How am I supposed to know how to do this?"
"Just forget it. I'll ask mom. She actually knows what she's doing."
"Hey! I'm a good mother too!"
"Half your memories of raising me are fake! Mom just made them up to make you feel better about abandoning me!"
"Henry Daniel Mills!" Regina finally cuts in. They both turn to her, frustration and disappointment flooding their features. "Do not speak to your mother like that. I think you need to go to your room to cool off." Henry looks argumentative for a moment but the kindhearted nature in him takes over the teenage melodrama and he exits the living room with an apologetic look. Emma misses the face though and watches him shuffle up the stairs with resentment settling in her eyes.
"You know he didn't mean that, Emma. He's simply being an overdramatic teenager." Regina reaches for Emma's waist, hoping to pull her into a hug but the blonde pulls away.
"Maybe, but he's not wrong." She turns her back and kicks at the couch legs. "I only remember raising him because you gave me those memories. In reality, I abandoned him like David and Mary Margaret abandoned me. I may be his biological mom but I'm barely a parent, Regina."
"Emma..." Regina turns the blonde back to her and almost regrets it because the deep sadness dripping from Emma's eyes makes Regina's very soul weep. She hugs Emma close and tight, hiding her face in her shoulder so the intense sorrow that was staring back at her doesn't hurt so much. It's only a tiny distraction though because in the quiet of their living room, with only the sounds of Emma's crying filling the thick air, Regina remembers that it's her fault that Emma feels this way. It was her that made Emma feel abandoned. It was her that tried to keep Henry and her apart, creating a rift that even true love’s kiss couldn't quite repair. It was her that changed their memories, but not their reality.
It's always been her ruining and stealing and falsifying Emma's happiness. How could she claim she loved this woman when at every critical point in Emma's past, Regina was there with her destruction and selfishness? How could she let Emma be here, in their home, in her life, in her heart, triggering such traumatic reminders of what could and should have been?
And so Regina makes up her mind that night that Emma will have the happiness she deserves. They meet at the park, on a bench a bit secluded from the rest of the play area. Regina figures it a fairly neutral spot, a spot perfectly willing to be tainted with a poor memory so that she won't be inclined to return to it. Emma is already there, her arms stretched out over the bench back as she stares up at the midday sky. Regina hesitates for just a moment before walking up the seat. There's something niggling at her heart, a feeling of uneasiness, but she tosses it up to pure nervousness and moves on. When she sits down, a foot or so away from Emma, the blonde slides closer and tries to kiss her. Regina turns her head, presenting her cheek and steels her features. She tries not to think about how Emma's face lit up when she sat down or how she looks confused and a little concerned at being denied her lips.
"Emma, I need to talk to you about something." She states in her mayor voice as if she's not talking to her girlfriend, the woman she declared the love of her life a few months ago.
Emma leans back, raises an eyebrow in question. "Okay..." She says cautiously. She waits patiently for Regina to continue, wondering a little if there's a prank about to be pulled on her.
That niggling, bothersome feeling creeps through Regina's body now, warning her that something is not right; whatever action she is about to take is not ideal. And for a moment she agrees because how can Regina leave this woman in front of her? The very one that looks so adorable and caring and patient right now. The one who sacrificed her life on multiple occasions for her. The one who confessed, drunk and dumbly, that she was in love with the reformed evil queen and even if they never got together, she had to tell Regina because she deserved to know that someone out there loved her for who she was and always would.
She doesn’t notice she’s trembling or her terrified tears are ruining her makeup until Emma's delicate fingers are cupping her cheeks and she's asking, "What's wrong? What happened? Who's ass do I need to kick?"
Then Regina blurts out, "Emma, we need to break up."
Emma almost snorts because she can't be serious. "What?"
Regina slides Emma's hands down and back into her lap. "We...need to break up. You have made me insanely happy this past year and I want you to know that I love you and I will always love you, but I simply can't stand to be the trigger for your misery and pain."
"Regina, what the hell are you talking about?"
"You've been miserable, Emma! And it's all because of me. Decisions I made before you were even born caused you such an awful and unfair life and I hate that I am the root of that pain and that every day you spend with me is a constant reminder of what I did to you. I am the reason you and Snow don't connect as mother and daughter. I am the reason you have nightmares about being in the foster care system. I am the reason you missed out on invaluable time with Henry. I want you to have the happiness you have always deserved, the happily ever after I stole from you, and if....if I cannot be a part of that, I am willing to make that sacrifice. For you."
Though shaky at first, Regina ends strongly, hoping Emma understands her desire to make things right. Regina tries to slide away on the bench, create some distance but Emma pulls her by the jacket.
"No." She states firmly. Regina barely opens her mouth to protest before Emma is speaking again. "No. No, I will not let you do this because you're wrong. God, I thought this would only happen like once, maybe twice in my lifetime, but Regina Mills, you are wrong. You are not the cause of my misery or pain. Yea, you cast the curse and indirectly separated me from my parents but the shit I endured is not all on your shoulders. Bad social workers and shitty foster parents and that idiot Neal and my own immaturity are what made my situation bad. Regina, you've brought me more happiness than I could ever imagine. You brought Henry back into my life, you gave me a family, you rescued me from the darkness. Regina, you believed in me when I thought no one ever would." Emma leans in just a few centimeters away from Regina's lips. She doesn't have to wait long before the woman falls into the kiss as well.
When they break apart, Emma smiles widely. "Regina, you are my happily ever after."